nearlyalegume
September 29th, 2014, 01:45 AM
35 weeks with baby boy #3. I'd pretty much gotten used to the idea. I was getting there. Mentally saying goodbye to the little girl I'll never have.
And then my mother called this morning. Gushing.
"Isn't it exciting news about BIL and SIL?!"
"Um... what? I actually have no idea what you're talking about." (SIL is actually my husband's brother's wife, and she's due three weeks after me. So I was really confused - I already knew about their baby. Obviously my mother and MIL were gossiping last Saturday at my son's birthday party).
"Don't you know? MIL told me they're having a girl!"
"...oh. Um, well, no, I didn't know that. And neither did DH, for that matter." (Just an aside, I think it was supposed to be a secret? Surely BIL and SIL learned from MIL blabbing that they were pregnant in the first place before the pee on the stick was dry?? UNLESS YOU WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW, DON'T TELL HER!!)
O hai, guts, cop that punch!
So not only are they getting the one thing I prayed for, a little girl after two boys, BUT, my own mother delivered the news in what was possibly one of the most unintentionally brutal ways that she could.
Okay, maybe it makes me a bad person, but NO, I am NOT thrilled for them, I'm insanely bloody jealous. AS YOU WELL SHOULD KNOW, because you knew full well that I was praying for a girl ALL THREE TIMES and didn't get one, so how on God's green Earth do you expect me to be all happy-happy-joy-joy when a) you've just blindsided me with this news, talk about getting whacked in the face with a proverbial shovel!, and b) it's exactly what I wanted but didn't get, and will never get because this is supposed to be our last baby WHICH YOU ALSO WELL KNOW?
At least, if nothing else, I've found out now, instead of when I'm three weeks postpartum and as hormonal as hell. Because right now I keep having very dark thoughts, never mind when I'm up Hormone Creek without a paddle. Obviously I did something very very bad earlier on in my life, though I have no idea what, because why else would everyone around me get to have the one thing I've always wanted but never ever gotten? I must be being punished for something!
And then my mother called this morning. Gushing.
"Isn't it exciting news about BIL and SIL?!"
"Um... what? I actually have no idea what you're talking about." (SIL is actually my husband's brother's wife, and she's due three weeks after me. So I was really confused - I already knew about their baby. Obviously my mother and MIL were gossiping last Saturday at my son's birthday party).
"Don't you know? MIL told me they're having a girl!"
"...oh. Um, well, no, I didn't know that. And neither did DH, for that matter." (Just an aside, I think it was supposed to be a secret? Surely BIL and SIL learned from MIL blabbing that they were pregnant in the first place before the pee on the stick was dry?? UNLESS YOU WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW, DON'T TELL HER!!)
O hai, guts, cop that punch!
So not only are they getting the one thing I prayed for, a little girl after two boys, BUT, my own mother delivered the news in what was possibly one of the most unintentionally brutal ways that she could.
Okay, maybe it makes me a bad person, but NO, I am NOT thrilled for them, I'm insanely bloody jealous. AS YOU WELL SHOULD KNOW, because you knew full well that I was praying for a girl ALL THREE TIMES and didn't get one, so how on God's green Earth do you expect me to be all happy-happy-joy-joy when a) you've just blindsided me with this news, talk about getting whacked in the face with a proverbial shovel!, and b) it's exactly what I wanted but didn't get, and will never get because this is supposed to be our last baby WHICH YOU ALSO WELL KNOW?
At least, if nothing else, I've found out now, instead of when I'm three weeks postpartum and as hormonal as hell. Because right now I keep having very dark thoughts, never mind when I'm up Hormone Creek without a paddle. Obviously I did something very very bad earlier on in my life, though I have no idea what, because why else would everyone around me get to have the one thing I've always wanted but never ever gotten? I must be being punished for something!