A question for girl moms

[Indira]

I´m very interested in Atomic´s ´law´of testosterone supply and demand because it totally applies to me, I´ve come to the conclusion that ALL my hobbies are detail-, goal orientated and competitive.
I sew very cute shirts for my sons, often make gifts by hand, do crochet and a little gardening. I also love to project interior changes in our home and try new recepies. This all has a competitive element in it because there is some hidden showing off in it, I like other people telling me what lovely things I make. I know this sounds like I´m not a nice person but I´m not that bad really :wink:.
so, I think this is an area that I can improve to lower my testosteron demand, so I´m trying to change my free time activities, but I get so BORED!
First thing that comes up to me to do that´s not goal orientated is snacking, but I can´t do that either on the girl diet, lol!
The only things I´ve come up with so far is watching tv and hang out at the mall for a drink and do some shopping.

So I would love to know: what do you do when you´re not working or playing with your kids?

[purplepoet20]

I am not a girl mom but... I also sew, cook, currently remodeling, and many other things. I do not consider myself competitive with my hobbies or interest.

I grew up in a family where... oatmeal was breakfast, ramon was lunch, and beans and water was dinner. A few times a year we got Ham, jarred pasta sauce, or something extra special. I learned a few things from my grandma and from my dad's many girlfriends. I cook and try new things to please my family. If they don't like it I never make it again. When my boys ask for seconds I know I did a good job on the meal. I force myself not to get over worked if someone (other then my kids, hubby, or IL's) likes my food. My only goal with cooking is learning how to cook, showing my kids the different types of foods, teaching my family the eat healthy, and one day giving my kids the recipes and teaching them to cook.

With my other hobbies... sewing, writing stories and poems, reading, biking, archaeology, singing, and musical instruments... I do it for myself and my boys. My parents or family has never commented or said anything nice to me. If anything I was told to give up my dreams of teaching at a university and writing. It is very hard for me to except compliments on a dress I sewed for my neice. I rarely share my poems and stories because one poem made my dad cry and he said he never wanted to read another one. Getting ready to take up biking again soon after I build a new bike trailer that can hold more then 2 kids, my winter project.

My current world is helping my little men with their interest... Playing in the mud, digging with the shovels, climbing the trees, dancing in the puddles, going to air shows, spending a day at the zoo, or taking my expensive instruments and pretending to play music. I read a lot of books during the day to them, the kind from when I was a kid and never heard/read before.

[Zivic-Bubac]

Try to feel overwhelmed lol! I was constantly feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I'm also pretty much consumed by day-to-day activities so I don't get much free time.

If this happens (free time, mostly in the evening) I like to read or if the weather is nice I take my girls out for long walks.

[begonia]

Well I probably can't help because when it comes to this I am definitely an opposite. In my free time I trained for races, and I was super competitive about it, always placing in the top 3 in my age group and ALWAYS looking to best my previous times. I also volunteer a fair bit and always in a leadership role. For my boy sway I dropped running and did weights, but that got to be a very competitive thing for me too. I've just always been very, very focused on ... well, winning ... LOL. DH and I playing a game of scrabble can be a total nightmare! Oh and one time we tried to run a race together ... that was hilarious.

I'll be curious to read other replies. I think this is one area where I don't fit the mold of the stereotypical girl mom for sure. What's funny though is my DD1 is also definitely NOT a gender stereotype of a girl ... she has never shown an interest in dolls, princesses, dress-up, etc ... the child hasn't worn a skirt/dress since she could dress herself at 2. So I find this stuff pretty interesting b/c while I think there is truth to it (esp with the little girls, overwhelmingly my friends with girls are into the whole princess thing) I do not see it in myself or my family.

[Zivic-Bubac]

With my other hobbies... sewing, writing stories and poems, reading, biking, archaeology, singing, and musical instruments... I do it for myself and my boys. My parents or family has never commented or said anything nice to me. If anything I was told to give up my dreams of teaching at a university and writing. It is very hard for me to except compliments on a dress I sewed for my neice. I rarely share my poems and stories because one poem made my dad cry and he said he never wanted to read another one. Getting ready to take up biking again soon after I build a new bike trailer that can hold more then 2 kids, my winter project.


Purple - you are one amazing women and mom. You obviously are full of (positive) energy, no wonder you have boys :wink:
What I find really amazing is that you didn't let your childhood influence the way you treat you children :agree: Excellent job and I hope you'll get your :XX: just try not to be so active for pit sake :wink: LOL!

P.S. I like your siggy : I would take :biggirl2::bigboy: Me too! LOL!

[LolaInLove]

Interesting question....when I had my girls, I was with my ex-dh, and he was very oppressive to me, so I know that I had low T from the way I was treated and had to go about living my life, which was very controlled, I had no voice or opinion, and was forced to pretty much be a stay home mom. I cleaned, cooked, went to the gym (so I wasn't fat as I would get yelled at for "not taking care of myself")....you all know what I am talking about here. I think all of this had a huge influence on my having girls.

All of that being said and very depressing, I did leave him about 5 years ago and have now been married to a super awesome guy for 1.5 years who is a better father to my girls than their real dad. So, happy ending.

But back to your question, I was very overwhelmed like Zivic said, and to be honest, if I wasn't cleaning or cooking or at the gym or taking care of and playing with the kids, I would be on the patio with a beer and a good book. But, although I had "goal-oriented" days, where I needed to have the house spotless and gourmet meals ready for him at a certain hour, I did not have compete and win goals, the kind that I think raise T levels. And I had ZERO sex drive back then, probably a mixture of no T and also hating him. LOL

[purplepoet20]

Purple - you are one amazing women and mom. You obviously are full of (positive) energy, no wonder you have boys :wink:
What I find really amazing is that you didn't let your childhood influence the way you treat you children :agree: Excellent job and I hope you'll get your :XX: just try not to be so active for pit sake :wink: LOL!

P.S. I like your siggy : I would take :biggirl2::bigboy: Me too! LOL!

Thank you ZB...I am trying no to be active but we are trying to finish our backyard and it is so close... if only the rain would give us a break.

[zanacal]

I'm a boy mum and not a girl mum too. I'm very determined at work and a complete perfectionist and I'm an accountant so I think very methodically but at home I'm the complete opposite - I'm rubbish at keeping up with the housework (I currently have dishes which need washing, an overflowing laundry basket (or two!) and a living room strewn with toys and in desperate need of a hoover!). Our extension was finished in December and then it was down to me to decorate and it's still waiting. In the evenings when I could be catching up after the kids are in bed I sit on my arse in front of the telly with my laptop on and then I go to bed with a good book! On the other hand, I'm quite uptight about how we should bring up the children and in teaching them by example (in the way we act - obviously not in being good housewives/husbands!). Perhaps I should be trying to keep up with the housework and letting it overwhelm me instead of being chilled out about it :D

[purplepoet20]

I'm a boy mum and not a girl mum too. I'm very determined at work and a complete perfectionist and I'm an accountant so I think very methodically but at home I'm the complete opposite - I'm rubbish at keeping up with the housework (I currently have dishes which need washing, an overflowing laundry basket (or two!) and a living room strewn with toys and in desperate need of a hoover!). Our extension was finished in December and then it was down to me to decorate and it's still waiting. In the evenings when I could be catching up after the kids are in bed I sit on my arse in front of the telly with my laptop on and then I go to bed with a good book! On the other hand, I'm quite uptight about how we should bring up the children and in teaching them by example (in the way we act - obviously not in being good housewives/husbands!). Perhaps I should be trying to keep up with the housework and letting it overwhelm me instead of being chilled out about it :D

I have dishes and clothing that need cleaning and a few basket with clean clothing that have been sitting around for a week... I also believe it is more important to teach my kids other things then gender roles. Last night we decided to pretend to be animals then to do dishes :) so much fun!

[Flava]

Ok just chill out:bigsmile:
What I like to do (4 girls here lol) I like to read books . A LOT.
Also watch TV and hang on my laptop read things. Call some1 on the phone works too. or take a nap.Just doing this can take up all your free time :rofl:
Love to do cross stitching too but take a long time only did 1 small pic yet.
I have little free time I hate mess so I have to clean a lot , cook , kids ect.
Anyway now that I ttc blue i do different things.HTH

[gizmo77]

im like begonia, very competetive so i wonder whyi had 2 girls, but what you guys say about your previous husbands or childhood makes me think. i have always been competetive in games (scrabble, etc), working out (cardio), and racing against time to get things done (housework, meals, naps). i would get very angry internally at my DD1 if she didnt fall asleep on time or even take a nap. id feel like a failure.
every night i read a book (started recently prior to DD1). i get very anxious and overwhelmed if things arent done. im pretty determined and a perfectionist liek zanacal too.
wondering if testosterone has anything to do with it? bc ive always felt like a tomboy, always NEED to be active, going out, socializing. cant sit still. always have to win and deep down also liek to be appreciated of things i create (meals, invitations, etc). i always told my DH that he has less stamina than me (in terms of leisurelly activities bc i always like to be doing something either with DH or with the kids, etc). he s more of a homebody. wonderingif that makes him with less T???

but now that i think of it, ever since ive been married to DH, ive been more of a homebody bc of him. watched tv at night (from exhaustion) but still get REALLY into the tv program and DH alway smakes fun of me that im in a zone and will look at me during teh show, which really annoys me bc i want to be left alone and CONCENTRATE and get emotionally involved in the show. get lost in it. hahah. he is more laid back...if he misses a line in the show, he doesnt care. i have to hear every word. and bc of him i started reading every day/night (ive put that on hold now).

i would say, read, hang out, crossword puzzles, something mindless, internet, lay around, try not to care about anything...? ;-)

[swish]

I can definately do the read a good book thing, I already chill in front of the tv BUT i can't do the overwhelmed thing!!! If I do get overwhelmed it's short lived and I work it out. I'm a real solutions person, find one and at on it!! I don't knis how to change this about myself!

[zanacal]

i would say, read, hang out, crossword puzzles, something mindless, internet, lay around, try not to care about anything...? ;-)

I'm on to it :D

[lightofmylife]

im like begonia, very competetive so i wonder whyi had 2 girls, but what you guys say about your previous husbands or childhood makes me think. i have always been competetive in games (scrabble, etc), working out (cardio), and racing against time to get things done (housework, meals, naps). i would get very angry internally at my DD1 if she didnt fall asleep on time or even take a nap. id feel like a failure.
every night i read a book (started recently prior to DD1). i get very anxious and overwhelmed if things arent done. im pretty determined and a perfectionist liek zanacal too.
wondering if testosterone has anything to do with it? bc ive always felt like a tomboy, always NEED to be active, going out, socializing. cant sit still. always have to win and deep down also liek to be appreciated of things i create (meals, invitations, etc). i always told my DH that he has less stamina than me (in terms of leisurelly activities bc i always like to be doing something either with DH or with the kids, etc). he s more of a homebody. wonderingif that makes him with less T???

but now that i think of it, ever since ive been married to DH, ive been more of a homebody bc of him. watched tv at night (from exhaustion) but still get REALLY into the tv program and DH alway smakes fun of me that im in a zone and will look at me during teh show, which really annoys me bc i want to be left alone and CONCENTRATE and get emotionally involved in the show. get lost in it. hahah. he is more laid back...if he misses a line in the show, he doesnt care. i have to hear every word. and bc of him i started reading every day/night (ive put that on hold now).

i would say, read, hang out, crossword puzzles, something mindless, internet, lay around, try not to care about anything...? ;-)
im exact like gizmoo77 :o

[LolaInLove]

Yea, Zan....I say keep doing what you are doing! Screw the housework! Now, I am the breadwinner and run a company, so I am hoping my ways/T levels have changed enough. I am pretty 180 degrees from the oppressed housewife I used to be. Not that any of you pink swayers should get that way! LOL I do think the chilling and not having any agendas does help lower T.

[Indira]

This is very interesting, thanks for all your replies, girls!
I´m trying to just chill :bigsmile:
What you said about being on the phone Flava is interesting because actually I don´t like long phone calls, I have problems with my sister sometimes because she likes to talk to me for over an hour and that´s a little long for me. I´m just really not a chilled-out person, I´m just so full of testosteron and trying to tackle goals all the time lol :worry: now the good thing is I could feel overwhelmed and unable to tackle this swaying thing lol.
Thanks for the suggestions, reading books/magazines/things on internet, watching tv, just hang out on the couch, take a nap, I can do these!
And less housekeeping I´m all for it!

[Alexis2007]

Watch tv, surf the net, talk to friends on the phone. With DD1, I worked in a pizza restaurant and was going to college. With DD2, I worked in a daycare as a preschool teacher, so I was never bored lol. Play outside with the kids. I never went to the gym or worked out.

[iluvmyman]

Don't hang out at the mall if you are effected by ions, it's wrong kind of ions for ttc due to the air conditioning.

[Indira]

Ah, good point iluymyman, thanks!

[gizmo77]

Don't hang out at the mall if you are effected by ions, it's wrong kind of ions for ttc due to the air conditioning.

i thought a/c was good for boy?

[Indira]

Yes it is, but I´m swaying for a girl!

[gizmo77]

Yes it is, but I´m swaying for a girl!

ahhh! :-)

[atomic sagebrush]

Interesting thread, thanks ladies!!!!

Obviously I am a boy mom and I am really goal oriented and competitive. Even doing things like relaxing and watching tv, I feel a lot of pressure to watch movies I am "supposed" to watch and if I start watching a TV series, I have to watch all the episodes really fast...for no reason otehr than I feel like I need to cross it off my to do list.

The interesting thing is that on things I don't feel like I can compete on, I just don't do them, because I hate to feel like second best. So to the outside world it may not even seem like I'm that motivated...my yard has weeds, and so on...but on things I want to win at, I am really obsessive about them.

[gizmo77]

Interesting thread, thanks ladies!!!!

Obviously I am a boy mom and I am really goal oriented and competitive. Even doing things like relaxing and watching tv, I feel a lot of pressure to watch movies I am "supposed" to watch and if I start watching a TV series, I have to watch all the episodes really fast...for no reason otehr than I feel like I need to cross it off my to do list.

The interesting thing is that on things I don't feel like I can compete on, I just don't do them, because I hate to feel like second best. So to the outside world it may not even seem like I'm that motivated...my yard has weeds, and so on...but on things I want to win at, I am really obsessive about them.

i am like this 100%. so why no boys i wonder..other things matter too.

[atomic sagebrush]

i am like this 100%. so why no boys i wonder..other things matter too.

I agree totally.

[begonia]

The interesting thing is that on things I don't feel like I can compete on, I just don't do them, because I hate to feel like second best. So to the outside world it may not even seem like I'm that motivated...my yard has weeds, and so on...but on things I want to win at, I am really obsessive about them.

LOL! This is me to a T! My dad loves to tell the story of when someone asked me at age 16 if I could swim. I said no. My dad looked at me, flabbergasted, and was like, "you've been swimming since you were 3!!!" I looked at him and said "Well, I mean, it's not like I'm winning any races."

If I can't be winning it I'm not interested in doing it. I'm TRYING to teach my girls that games can be fun even if you don't win, but I'm not sure I believe that :rofl:

So anyhow, I agree that other things have to factor in. So many other factors would point to DH and I having boys that I'm convinced for us, it has to have been related to my diet/exercise. We'll see how changing that worked out for me in March :wink:

[Princess of Pink]

Reading, watching movies and shopping!!

[Layla]

I am not a girl mom but... I also sew, cook, currently remodeling, and many other things. I do not consider myself competitive with my hobbies or interest.

I grew up in a family where... oatmeal was breakfast, ramon was lunch, and beans and water was dinner. A few times a year we got Ham, jarred pasta sauce, or something extra special. I learned a few things from my grandma and from my dad's many girlfriends. I cook and try new things to please my family. If they don't like it I never make it again. When my boys ask for seconds I know I did a good job on the meal. I force myself not to get over worked if someone (other then my kids, hubby, or IL's) likes my food. My only goal with cooking is learning how to cook, showing my kids the different types of foods, teaching my family the eat healthy, and one day giving my kids the recipes and teaching them to cook.

With my other hobbies... sewing, writing stories and poems, reading, biking, archaeology, singing, and musical instruments... I do it for myself and my boys. My parents or family has never commented or said anything nice to me. If anything I was told to give up my dreams of teaching at a university and writing. It is very hard for me to except compliments on a dress I sewed for my neice. I rarely share my poems and stories because one poem made my dad cry and he said he never wanted to read another one. Getting ready to take up biking again soon after I build a new bike trailer that can hold more then 2 kids, my winter project.

My current world is helping my little men with their interest... Playing in the mud, digging with the shovels, climbing the trees, dancing in the puddles, going to air shows, spending a day at the zoo, or taking my expensive instruments and pretending to play music. I read a lot of books during the day to them, the kind from when I was a kid and never heard/read before.

Sorry Indira for hijacking your thread I just really wanted to say this to purplepoet.

Again what a great post purplepoet. Your posts are always so thoughtful and thoughtprovoking but in a gentle and sincere way. I think you should try to publish your poems or write a book about your life. Maybe it is time that you get some acknowledgement for your efforts.

[Layla]

Girl mum but very competative also. Usually though only in stuff that interest me. If I decide to do something I either do it 100% or not at all. So I do hope changes in diet and exercise would result in a baby boy for me too, but who knows.

[XXdreaming]

I am not competitive at all lol, I love to read, I do mostly reading or surfing the net, here I lay in my bath tub at about 1am on my phone lol, I don't have hobbies, don't care if I lose games, or come in last place, I am not perfect very mellowed out "oh well" type of person, so why I have 4 boys I don't know lol

oh forgot to add I also HATE excercising lol, the closet I get to excercising is pushing a vacuum, mop, broom or packing a 30lb kid around lol, I have been told I am lazy all my life by parents and siblings and just learned that my prioties are a little different than theirs, basically I loved to lay around all day and read, now my house is clean, just because I am lazy don't mean my house is messy lol :) I do the basics, and do the nit and gritty once a month, my house isn't spit shined for sure, lots of toys everywhere but my floors are clean to sit and play on them, making sense? Lol

[gizmo77]

I am not competitive at all lol, I love to read, I do mostly reading or surfing the net, here I lay in my bath tub at about 1am on my phone lol, I don't have hobbies, don't care if I lose games, or come in last place, I am not perfect very mellowed out "oh well" type of person, so why I have 4 boys I don't know lol

oh forgot to add I also HATE excercising lol, the closet I get to excercising is pushing a vacuum, mop, broom or packing a 30lb kid around lol, I have been told I am lazy all my life by parents and siblings and just learned that my prioties are a little different than theirs, basically I loved to lay around all day and read, now my house is clean, just because I am lazy don't mean my house is messy lol :) I do the basics, and do the nit and gritty once a month, my house isn't spit shined for sure, lots of toys everywhere but my floors are clean to sit and play on them, making sense? Lol

this is exactly my mom. she has 2 boys.

[4BlueLooking4Pink]

I'm competitive. I can be a perfectionist. I'm type-A. I'm not at all to the extreme, I fall somewhere in the middle with all of this but I do like to win at video games (and facebook games - ha!) sports, and board games (unless i'm playing with my kids - I don't care about winning then) I decorate the kids' birthday cakes and they need to be *perfect*. I'm a photographer and I will take a zillion pictures until I get just the right one. My rugs have to be perfectly horizontal to the lines on my floor. I'm organized, my house is kept up (for the most part - there's dust and it certainly gets messy with 4 kids but I don't let it stay that way long) and I'm crafty & creative to the point that *anything* crafty I do I will do above and beyond to make it look "better" than I would need to. Like there's some invisible competition I'm not aware of, lol. Before kids I worked for an insurance company and loved to have my cubicle organized and neat. I would feel a little claustrophobic walking into other peoples cubicles who had papers & stuff all over the place. And yet there are some things where I'm not type A such as my kitchen will usually look clean but if you open some of the cupboards things can be messed up. As long as it's in the right cupboard it doesn't bother me so much if it's unorganized. I've also become less of these things as I've had more kids. Less competitive overall, less type A. Dh even comments that things that would have drove me nuts with 1 child don't bother me as much now with 4 (such as kid messes, etc.) I think I've HAD to let things not bother me as much because I'd drive myself nuts trying to keep things "just so" with 4 kids. Anyway, do these things point towards me having more testosterone?

[atomic sagebrush]

4Blue, it's just that there is a tendency for people who like to be in control and detail oriented to have higher T levels. There are many exceptions and it's only a tendency.

I have noticed that I have mellowed since I had DS 4 too...I jsut wish it would have happened a bit sooner! ;)

[Princess of Pink]

I'm a perfectionist. Everything HAS to be perfect or I don't do it. I'm competitive and like to win. I'm usually the one in charge running everything. I should have 5 boys lol