Typical...

[Kittybear]

All my boy NCT mummy friends from when I had DS 1 have gotten preggie again. All team green. 2 just had their little girls (not swaying) I of course had my beautiful DS2 (sway opposite). The last lady is due in Feb and I bet she also has a girl, because that really would be hilarious, wouldn't it?! Except I don't quite feel like laughing... :(

All my 'boy first' mummy friends have either got their pp or are pregnant and I bet they will get their pp (not just my NCT mummy friends, but all of them) except 1 but she's moved miles away, and she also had the 'aren't you disappointed?' Comments when she announced her 2nd son, and she doesn't have GD and has no idea how I feel. I feel so worried that I'm going to be left behind (rediculous I know), like I'm now excluded from the club as I'm not a girl mum.

I'm so sorry for the self indulgent post, just struggling a bit this morning and poor DH has heard it all before so didn't have anywhere else to offload. I'm now just waiting for the 'well you'll have to try again for your girl' jokes, that I know are not meant, but still sting so badly. I wouldn't swap my boys for anything, I just wish that I knew my DD was out there somewhere waiting for me....

Xx

[luckyfourleafclover]

Kitty bear - I know exactly how you feel and I am sending you hugs. You must not apologise and you are not being self indulgent.

Loads of my friends have the perfect PP, and it stings the most when it's boy first.

I find I am much more relaxed socialising with all boy mum's, as I know those comments won't enter into the conversation. I am lucky enough to have quite a few all boy mum friends, but none of them have GD, or admit to it anyway!

I did find though that after my DS2 was born I no longer felt so jealous of the boy first PP's, as I wouldn't ever 'swap ' my DS2 for a girl….my jealousy became more focused on B, B, G families as that is now what I can relate to, and see as perfect.

I had to go to a charity event at my kids school last night and was sat next to a pregnant lady who's son goes to the nursery. She said ''…and this one is a girl, so we are delighted about that". My DH could see that it stung me, but I managed to hide it well.

I think the key is to realise that you WILL be bombarded by hurtful comments, sometimes it feels like on a daily basis. And you WILL hear comments from girl mums about girls that hurt too. I just try and block them out, or have my standard reply ready - it's easier to deal with the comments if you are expecting them and prepared.

[2boysJustOneGirl]

Kitty bear I share your same fear. I am so far the only boy mom. All others have a PP or just girls. There is one woman in my group left, she has a baby boy and is planning another soon. If she has a girl I strongly feel like I will want to move, start over. I just can't imagine living my life feeling so much like an outsider. I figure if we move I can find some boy moms that I can be friends with as most social events leave me wounded from all the daughter talk. And it's always the PP moms that damage me!

Although I think I inflict a lot of my own grief. I can't help but hate these moms because they get to be GD free. They don't have to experience all this emotional distress, they just got their perfect little family while GD has ruined days, weeks, of my life. They got their girl without having to go through the physical and emotional turmoil of swaying or HT. Leaves me very bitter and as a true middle child, I have this unrelenting feeling that life is so unfair.

I understand your grief. Chin up.



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[sweetdream]

When I had DS2 there were 4 DD Born in the same time. In the same group. I was the only one with a DS.
And there it was the comment; O how lovely all these lovely girls together!!!

And the look on my face made the comment go to; but little boys are lovely too! You know what I mean right.

Straight in to my heart. I hope one day I forget all these comments( they were not ment to hurt me, but they did. Partially due to myself)

I'm baking my little girl as we speak. (Got An amazing DS3 after the comment)
And if you sway again there is a high chance of a DD out there for you too.

[atomic sagebrush]

That is the one thing that still bugs me sometimes, is how easily it seems to happen for people who already seem to have everything in the world and it took me over 20 years, 4 sons, years of research to get one girl and I prob. won't even live to enjoy her as much as I could have had she come sooner. :/

[KidAtHeart]

Yes, atomic I agree w you. I was not down w having a big family. I come from a family of five. I was ok w three but four was 'only got the girl'. I'm older too and it makes me sad that I won't be able to help her out w her own children the way I'd like. But on the other hand, I get a lot of street cred this way! 😄

[princessCharlotte]

i feel u. my besties got preg one after another and they all have PP (B then G) except me with two boys. I got emo these few days as I have been asking to go for #3 asap for a girl. Worst comment I just had was, "if #3 is a son again then u better close shop!"

[atomic sagebrush]

^^^^ yes I got almost that exact same comment. When I got my 4th boy this neighbor woman said "Well, you're done then. You're done." And I was thinking, lady, who the HELL are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't do with my own life and VJ.

[True Blue]

I don't get people's NEED to comment, it's as if they have to comment but more than anything why so negative? It is hurtful and we seem to hold on to how it makes us feel. I never forget comments.

[XXforhubby]

I can totally relate! I have two, AWESOME boys, and we are swaying for a girl. DH showed me this site and encouraged me to follow Atomic's sage advice. We don't dare tell anyone we are trying, because after DS2 was born everyone said, "Well you know you should just stop with two, because you are obviously in the business of having boys!" Really? What if we want a houseful of boys? Is that so bad? What if we DO want a girl? I want to say, "It's none of your f$&@!ing business what we choose in regards to family planning!"


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[covered in blue]

Oh I feel the same at the moment. I have a lunch date with a friend who has one baby girl just a little younger than my DS3 tomorrow and she has said some really hurtful things in the past about boys. She of course ordered herself a girl and got one 9 months later. It just makes me so angry sometimes and I am dreading going but she's asked about 4 times now. As much as I love my boys they are really full on and I can't imagine adding another baby into the mix any time soon but my GD is so bad and I just don't know what to do :( So many friends are pregnant or have newborn girls and I just want to lock myself in a cupboard :(

[hotdogz&boyz]

The only ones I have a problem with are those who act as though you really can "order up" what you want.

Actually, just today, I went to my sons preschool orientation. My boys are attending together and were just adorable, holding hands, walking around together. Big brother "showing" little brother what things he could do and the different stations. I was marveling in their neat relationship and talking to another mom whose family has their two boys (same age as mine) in the class together too.

And then...we are in the meeting room and I am sitting with a friend (who has two boys) and her mother. The mother turns to the couple behind her and is commenting on their little boy (too young to attend, maybe a year). She asks "And is his big brother or big sister going to this school?" The mom says "His big sister." And the grandmother says "oh! You got the million dollar family! I had a two million dollar one, two of each. You just have to ask for what you want, right?" And I was standing there thinking 'Iz this $&@:! for real?!" Lol.

I admit, I am lucky, I am surrounded by mostly single gender families, many of whom are single-gender to the boy side. I am one of the few who has a daughter. The one who has a pigeon pair actually preferred two girls instead. So, it's nice to have lots of folks who understand the utter ridiculousness of gender comments and how hurtful it can be to assume its okay to say rude stuff. But, I'm not even immune. I might have my girl, and yes, I adore her. And I'd like another. But am probably expecting boy #3. I'm good with it, but I'll admit, the stupid comments about being a boy maker or how "busy" I'll be if I have another boy are just darn annoying.

[Bee]

I'm sorry :(. I had something similar happen with DS3 and it really hurt. He was a surprise addition and we thought maybe this was God's way of giving us a daughter. DH had not been okay with trying for a third because he really wanted a girl, and of course no guarantees. After we announced, there were 7 other women at our church expecting within a few months of me. All girls. Every single one (one even had her third girl and she was like a pig in mud, and I was so upset I couldn't feel the same way). And I had DS3. Love him to bits, but it didn't take away the sting. I even stopped going to church because I couldn't handle seeing all these girls and I'd started to wonder why I didn't deserve a daughter.

[1+2+3boys]

Sorry to hear this, it is hard and even more so when life is harder than usual.
I have a very small Facebook group of 7 ladies. A spin off from a due date group of my favourites and we share the most hilariously innapropriate and intimate things and it is wonderful. I have met two ladies IRL and one lives close. 4 were pregnant with their second due withn months of each other and three went on to get their PP and two of them actually wanted another of the same! The last born was a surprise so a shock too and the one who got her second boy confessed her sadness over no daughter to me privately and at the birth tore her uterus so she might not be able to have any more and she did want 3 even before finding out about DS2. I'm happy for them all but the fact that half the group got that second gender so easily and in my place of online sanctuary and seeing all these toddler and baby PP photos is making me feel very inadaqute and I have almost stopped logging on. I had to have 5 weeks off FB just because of it. One lady in the main group just had team green girl number three and I was very pissed to see someone comment saying "oh no, looks like you have to try again" under this photo of her new gorgeous baby girl.

I wouldn't change things now but if I knew I'd be having twins then I would have swayed instead of waiting until number three to try it. The rest can have another and not care or stop and not have to worry about one of the parents compromising getting their same sex child and I have to go to bloody Europe and spend $1000s to try for my girl and it might not even work. It seems so unfair.

Also there is the lady who I am closest to and she has 4 boys and very much hoped that she would only have boys and she was lucky 4 times around! She said if she could have more and she would love to if she could then she would hope for another boy.

[Linzshine32]

Out of all of my friends that have kids, I'm the only one with a boy only. (only one has a PP) - the rest are all girls and they all make comments about dresses and princesses and girl shows etc and I just sit there, annoyed. I know what it's like. I hope ALL of our future sways work out so we don't experience GD!

[odd]

Linzshine... Ditto here. We moved not too long but where we lived, Every single friend had a daughter and conmbted on the fact that how much im missing out .. And if they went on to have 2nd, they'd wish for another girl..It used to piss me off to no end..

When I shared my news of pregnancy, they all told me I would no doubt have a boy coz boys run in our family ..and when I broke the news of having a girl ..they all changed their tunes

[3girlsnwaiting]

I have girls but I so want to be blessed with a boy. I think little boys are marvelous. Ironically most of my friends have all boys and no girls. Two of them had boys within the last several months and had gender disappointment. I really felt for them. The one woman felt God was punishing her because she knew other people who were pregnant at the same time and got girls. It was hard for me because here they were blessed with boys and I was struggling to get pregnant. I love my children being blessed to grow up around Christian boys who I love the parents. They will have their choice for husbands and have already claimed 2 boys. I tease my friends saying that I stole all their blue dust :) I just try to hold onto that whatever gender is growing inside of me God has big plans for :)

[Mrs.tinkerbell]

I just wanted to add I am one of the ones that did get a pp and I actually get quite upset when my friends who have all boys always feel they have to say how pleased and over the moon they are to have 'there boys' how girls are madams hard work and it's better having the same sex as they play together I feel really left out and as if there all talking about me! ! I never act this way and certainly don't pitty people with boys. I did really want a boy and girl and we could only have two so feel very blessed but I don't think it's just mums of girls or pp that's say hurtful things. i can understand how you feel as before I knew what I was having I dreaded all the comments I may get. just wanted to point out I think everyone can be guilty of this. X

[Nahri]

I totally called what a friend was going to be having based on her diet. They of course wanted the PP and did not end up getting it. I was told they would most likely get what they wanted because thats what happens to GOOD people? REALLY? DID YOU JUST SAY THAT?! Comes with the territory and wanting a certain gender. We get jealous we get easily hurt and its no ones business!

[ejk741]

I have always wanted a son... So I was always blind to all of the boy bashing before I had my twins. I have had someone tell me they were so sorry for me. Anther person told me how crazy my life is going to be with twin boys. On the same note when I had my daughter people kept telling me how hard it will be when she is 13. People just always have something to say. It is as if they need to put down your family make-up to make themselves feel better.

[Kittybear]

So yesterday I found out my friend forever (I have literally known her all my life as our mums met at antenatal classes and her mum sometimes cared for me as my mum worked full time) is having her 2nd boy in early 2015! YAY! :) I'm glad to have another all boy mummy friend BUT she lives over the other side of the M25 (the motorway that surrounds London) BOO! So bloody typical... ;)

She always said that she wanted boys (she's the eldest of 3 girls) so I hope she's happy and isn't experiencing any GD but she did also say that she thought she was carrying a girl...
Xxx