KidAtHeart
October 11th, 2014, 09:32 PM
Here's my story. Actually, it's for anyone with gd. It's more a reply to anyone who asks "should I have another child?" "is it worth it?" "do we go over our 'number'?". To make a long story short, we have three boys, I had gd basically for ten years (although badly after number 3 was born). I convinced my husband not only to have a fourth but to go ht. HT was a failure, so I gave all my stuff away. I was trying to move on but was still sad so we tried one last time (okay, twice!) to conceive before putting back the iud. Then found out I was pregnant! And then we had our long-awaited daughter. And the first year was wonderful. Having a newborn with no toddler was bliss. I had professional pictures taken three times and got the most adorable outfits for her to wear. It was everything I ever dreamed of. It was still hard to juggle three other kids with a newborn, but I didn't care, I was so happy to have her in my life.
And then she grew into a toddler. She is still the cutest, sweetest little thing. But, she is every bit as curious as her brothers were. She doesn't sit still. Ever. She's a climber. She's not talking yet (15 months), so communicating is frustrating for both of us. She is tearing apart the house. I will say, the toddler years have always been my achilles heel. I can't wait until she's older and grows out of this. I don't want to wish my time away (I know, I know, 'it goes so fast') but it is SO HARD having a toddler again. She really is just another kid, whatever the gender. So if you are deciding whether or not to 'go for it', really think hard and think, "do I want another person in our family?". I have never regretted having her. Even if she had been a boy, this stage would still suck and I would still have gotten through it and I would have accepted having a boy. Though I'm sure I would have been resentful. Now the only resentful person is my husband. We had a horrendous fight tonight. To be fair, he is a great husband and father and he loves his children - all of them. When the sh*t hit the fan today though, he did pull out the resentment card. Four children is definitely a strain on the marriage. Ours will be fine once again - we've been through harder patches than this and survived - but at some point, know that this will be an issue.
In fact, every fear you are having now will be realized. And so will every joy. Going back to the toddler stage sucks every bit as much as you think it will. And certain things (most things, ha!) are harder. Having three boys - well, they were fairly close in age and have common interests. We were just to the point of being able to go on vacation and actually have it feel like a vacation. Now, we drag along the one year old. None of our friends have babies, so we are definitely the ones who are juggling at a restaurant or the pool. But on the flip side, there are moments of just pure joy. When I planned her first birthday party, I remember the feeling of walking through the 'pink' aisle at party city and feeling like I 'belonged', for once. I can shop at Gymboree and buy a tutu on sale and it brings me so much happiness that it's pathetic! :)
Even though my dream came true and I feel so fortunate, there are still days that are just… I can't wait until they are all in bed. When I think, 'but I got everything I wanted! Why do I feel this way?', I just have to remember, life is hard and toddlers are crazy. And she will get older and it will get easier. I do thank God every day for this miracle. GD is what brought me to this stage and without gd, I would definitely not have all four of my children. I think no matter what you are facing, you still have to choose to happiness. Only you can truly decide what happiness is for you. Is it enjoying a 'simpler' life with the beautiful children you already have? Or is it stepping into the unknown and accepting another child into your life - regardless of gender (for those not going ht)? Whatever you decide, you will be trading in one set of problems for another. There will always be challenges to face, regrets, resentments… As for myself, I had my eyes fairly open, I jumped in anyway. I'm definitely not sorry I did.
I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining. I got my wish and I am so so grateful. My intention is to say - whatever you are feeling, it doesn't go away, it just lessens over time. GD will lessen. Regret may actually strengthen (I think it would have for me, anyway). The fears, the joys, all of it - yes, it's all there. If you say you can't go back to the infant / toddler age - sure you can. You just keep your head down and muscle through, one day at a time. But it is going to be hard, don't kid yourself. And if you choose happiness with what you have, you probably will have some days with gd regret. But you'll have other days that you're having so much fun with your kids that you won't even think about it. There really is no right answer, it's just what you can live with and what is best for your family.
And then she grew into a toddler. She is still the cutest, sweetest little thing. But, she is every bit as curious as her brothers were. She doesn't sit still. Ever. She's a climber. She's not talking yet (15 months), so communicating is frustrating for both of us. She is tearing apart the house. I will say, the toddler years have always been my achilles heel. I can't wait until she's older and grows out of this. I don't want to wish my time away (I know, I know, 'it goes so fast') but it is SO HARD having a toddler again. She really is just another kid, whatever the gender. So if you are deciding whether or not to 'go for it', really think hard and think, "do I want another person in our family?". I have never regretted having her. Even if she had been a boy, this stage would still suck and I would still have gotten through it and I would have accepted having a boy. Though I'm sure I would have been resentful. Now the only resentful person is my husband. We had a horrendous fight tonight. To be fair, he is a great husband and father and he loves his children - all of them. When the sh*t hit the fan today though, he did pull out the resentment card. Four children is definitely a strain on the marriage. Ours will be fine once again - we've been through harder patches than this and survived - but at some point, know that this will be an issue.
In fact, every fear you are having now will be realized. And so will every joy. Going back to the toddler stage sucks every bit as much as you think it will. And certain things (most things, ha!) are harder. Having three boys - well, they were fairly close in age and have common interests. We were just to the point of being able to go on vacation and actually have it feel like a vacation. Now, we drag along the one year old. None of our friends have babies, so we are definitely the ones who are juggling at a restaurant or the pool. But on the flip side, there are moments of just pure joy. When I planned her first birthday party, I remember the feeling of walking through the 'pink' aisle at party city and feeling like I 'belonged', for once. I can shop at Gymboree and buy a tutu on sale and it brings me so much happiness that it's pathetic! :)
Even though my dream came true and I feel so fortunate, there are still days that are just… I can't wait until they are all in bed. When I think, 'but I got everything I wanted! Why do I feel this way?', I just have to remember, life is hard and toddlers are crazy. And she will get older and it will get easier. I do thank God every day for this miracle. GD is what brought me to this stage and without gd, I would definitely not have all four of my children. I think no matter what you are facing, you still have to choose to happiness. Only you can truly decide what happiness is for you. Is it enjoying a 'simpler' life with the beautiful children you already have? Or is it stepping into the unknown and accepting another child into your life - regardless of gender (for those not going ht)? Whatever you decide, you will be trading in one set of problems for another. There will always be challenges to face, regrets, resentments… As for myself, I had my eyes fairly open, I jumped in anyway. I'm definitely not sorry I did.
I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining. I got my wish and I am so so grateful. My intention is to say - whatever you are feeling, it doesn't go away, it just lessens over time. GD will lessen. Regret may actually strengthen (I think it would have for me, anyway). The fears, the joys, all of it - yes, it's all there. If you say you can't go back to the infant / toddler age - sure you can. You just keep your head down and muscle through, one day at a time. But it is going to be hard, don't kid yourself. And if you choose happiness with what you have, you probably will have some days with gd regret. But you'll have other days that you're having so much fun with your kids that you won't even think about it. There really is no right answer, it's just what you can live with and what is best for your family.