coping with it all

[moof4]

Hi All

Every now and again something will happen and I am thrown back into the abyss. My brother/sis in-law completed their perfect little family with a boy after having a girl previous pigeon pair perfect, just like that.

The first thing my husband said was 'I love you, and remember I too wanted a girl' then proceeded to tell me what they had.

I am upset, I keep saying over and over in my head this week I deal with my own demons and next week will be fine. I love all children, and my nieces and nephews are all beautiful and I am excited to have a baby in the family again. The thing I grapple with is that I feel so torn, true bittersweet I feel envious, jealous, happy, sad, stupid, selfish, and proud all at once and there truly are no words to describe it to someone who doesn't know.

Many people say to me that they wouldn't care if they didn't have one child (at least) of each sex, and all of these people have a child of each sex.

When we go out in public we are a regular freak show, we get looks and comments and I love them usually and I use these comments to boost me, 'Yes I have four boys and they are all awesome' and I truly believe that. Its days like today that when we go out and do the after school shop and I have the several comments about my family make up that are going to be hard, I know already. Days like today I feel like everyone feels the need to comment on something I don't have...I don't walk around and say oh wow you don't own a house, oh wow you don't have a dad, oh wow you have a massive NOSE!!!! just today I could do without the comments of what I am missing and pointing out the very obvious make up of my 'perfect' little family.

On another note, lately I have had about five people ask if the kids are all mine....then are they from the same dad........seriously I also had cornflakes for breakfast!!!

Thank you for listening......

[nuthinbutpink]

It's hard. We're here.

[Adia]

Sorry honey...some days just suck when it comes to GD. The lame ass comments from people dig that dagger so much deeper.

I can relate to all you are saying in many ways.

You made me chuckle...wouldn't it be great if we weren't so in shock when people made their lame comments enough to say things like "geez, you sure have a lousy haircut!!"

Hang in there....time has helped the comments and the sting. Big hugs mama...

[KidAtHeart]

Did someone really ask you if they were all from the same dad?? Wtf?!?! People are so unbelievable sometimes! I had someone once tell me, in front of my boys, that I finally "got it right" w the girl. Luckily my boys are pretty oblivious!

[1+2+3boys]

I have had that question too once and I have three. WTH man! Some people.
Sorry you are finding it hard right now. I remember your post a while ago about how you were doing O.K with GD and enjoying your life with your boys.
I feel like that every now and then but even if I do get to that place where I feel it most of the time I am scared that it will always come back throughout life with triggers such as that or when things are hard. That is why I decided I need to do HT because I don't want to have to deal with it. It must feel strange having all those emotions at once but it is totally normal and you sound like a nice person by how you love all the children in your family. I'm glad your husband is supportive. Hugs to you. How are you doing today?

I also try to rock at having an all boy family and hold my head up high. But on a bad day, the comments can be hard to deal with. I like your analogy about how they shouldn't be pointing out what we don't have in life and we don't go saying they don't have this and that like owning a house or something. That is just rude. I might try that in a comeback one day. Thanks :)

[Arimethia]

I'm getting the unwelcome comments from strangers when I have my two boys with me now that I look unmistakably pregnant. Stuff like "Are you getting a girl?" and a lot of moms launching into stories of how they got their daughters after 2 or 3 boys. At this point I'm so overwhelmed with parenting period, I just want to try to get over my GD so I can be content with this being our last. I had my 20 week US and it is confirmed that this one is 100% boy, if only I could gestate like a hermit until the baby is out. Getting real tired of strangers' crap.

[moof4]

Thank you all for your responses, it helps to know I am not alone and people get it. I feel so much better even a day later....honestly I do. whether it is the support from here or just my coping skills are getting better not sure.

I look at my youngest and you know I would not swap him for a hundred girls.....he is devine and it matters not what is between his legs. he is Hamish he is a cheeky, fun filled and gorgeous person.

Thank you all for your support as I tumbled.... I know there will be other days, much as there is with getting over loosing a baby. We learn to deal but it is always there.

have an awesome weekend all xxx

[moof4]

Arimethia strangers crap is the worst!!! it really does make us evaluate more. Congratulations on your baby...have you got names?

[atomic sagebrush]

Everyone always asks me if all my kids have the same dad. A few days ago I saw my mom had posted a lovely picture of me and she wrote, "She has 5 kids and they all have the same dad". um. thanks mom. ;)

Agree totally that everyone who says they wouldn't care if they had all one sex, has both or else has no children or only one with plans to have more. :)

Alll we can do is laugh it off!

[jen75]

Hi All,
I have had a similar day to that today. My SIL has just announced they she is having a girl, 1st time round only months after i have had my 4th boy. I feel like such a failure and it upsets both me and my DH. Why does it have to be this hard and unfair!! Its great to hear you are feeling much better today. I too have become an avid internet shopper as i can not stand the comments about 4 boys. I know i will feel better able to cope after some sleep and its great to know i am not alone, so thanks for your post.

[Twins6boysinall]

I totally understand trust me. I get comments all the time. It really surprises me how rude people can be.
It was really hard for me a couple of years ago when my sister had a girl. Here she was with 3 boys not married had a fling with a 20 year old kid. Mind you she's 42. Makes me sick. And was drinking like a fish and smoking. Quit drinking when she was pregnant but still smoked. Why is it she got a girl and I try so hard to eat right don't smoke or drink and I have 6 boys? But on the flip side I do love them all and can't imagine my life without any of them! But would be soooo nice to have a daughter.

[1+2+3boys]

I totally understand trust me. I get comments all the time. It really surprises me how rude people can be.
It was really hard for me a couple of years ago when my sister had a girl. Here she was with 3 boys not married had a fling with a 20 year old kid. Mind you she's 42. Makes me sick. And was drinking like a fish and smoking. Quit drinking when she was pregnant but still smoked. Why is it she got a girl and I try so hard to eat right don't smoke or drink and I have 6 boys? But on the flip side I do love them all and can't imagine my life without any of them! But would be soooo nice to have a daughter.

Congrats on your pregnancy, I hope it is your girl :)

[debby]

I often have people ask if the kids are all mine!!!

[The Anchor]

Before DH and any thought of babies...I was that cad. My girlfriend had 4 boys, and although I never said anything as awful as "are they all your DH's" I did make comments about 4 boys. Like, "Are you going to try for a girl?" But mostly it I was just so incredulous. Like, "4 boys, that really is incredible!". In hindsight that probably stung, and after I began researching swaying for DS, and reading all the GD stories, I actually hooked up with her one night and apologized. But she really wasn't offended at all (well, she says) and said that she got so used to the comments that they didn't even phase her anymore.

I know you'll never get "used" to the comments the jerks of the world make, but you have to let them bounce off. Accept the fact that most people just don't get how offensive they are. You are better than them!

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes we should always keep in mind that most people do not mean anything by their offhand remarks, they are probably just not sure what to say and saying the first thing that pops into their mind.

I said a couple things to an unmarried friend of mine (and I did it not once, but TWICE) that I really regret and it was totally because I was nervous and not sure what to say and just blurted out something that in retrospect, I know was probably hurtful (I am a much smoother writer than talker!!). And I don't even THINK in the way that my comment indicated. Jeez, I WISH I was unmarried many times and am actually kind of jealous of the freedom she has, YK??

[Beans626]

People just don't think sometimes, or they think they are saying things that help, not realizing how hurtful or how much they can sting. I had a stranger at a restaurant one time come up to me, lean in, and say in my ear (with all my boys present) - I'm so sorry, I know how you feel - my daughter has three boys too. Really?!?!? Yes, having three boys is challenging, but I guarantee my oldest has more daily drama than do most girls his age. It is not just about dirt and noise that is boys. But, I guess people assume with multiple boys mom must have her hands full and with multiple girls dad must own a shotgun - just steryotypes. But it's hard NOT to remember the things that are said to you like that.

[1+2+3boys]

It so bugs me when I get the "you must have your hands full... especially with boys." Grr! I know someone with 3 boys and a girl and she reckons the girl makes her pull her hair out more than her three boys combined. It is temprement, not gender that makes a kid 'hard' or not