What next??

[Sp4rkl3s]

After yet another BFN, and a trip to the doctor for a health check, I have been told that there don't seem to be any obvious issues, but I've been advised to take a pre natal multi vitamin, and to have sex at least every other day, and ideally every day around ovulation.

I'm feeling very torn over what to do now, feeling like I'm going to end up with no baby or a boy baby!

Any advice please?

Although I'm eating less, around 1500 calories a day, I think I'm eating fairly healthily. I was overweight but have lost 30lb in weight and am now in healthy range.
I'm following LE diet loosely but I'm not super strict.

So far we've had 2 attempts in the fertile window, or BD'd every 3 days.
If we BD'd every other day, would that be 2 attempts? Would that be really bad for a pink sway? I guess every day would definitely sway blue?

Very grateful for any thoughts or advice!

[atomic sagebrush]

First of all, they tell you to take prenatals because it's something easy that they can do. NOT because the lack of prenatals is preventing you from conceiving. Most people did not even take prenatals like 30-40 years ago and it's really not this mandatory thing they way they make it sound. If you're really concerned about it you can take them 2-3 times a week but I can all but guarantee you that the reason you have not gotten pg has nothing to do with prenatals.

Re DTD every other day, yeah, that will give you better odds of conception but much higher odds of blue. I would personally keep doing what you've been doing and just wait for "Goldie the Golden Egg". IT takes fully fertile couples doing nothing to sway 3-6 months to get pregnant when they are trying, and it is often just a waiting game - you'll get pg in 6 months doing everything to up fertility, and a half a year doing nothing.

Every other day may even be WORSE than every day because it gives your husband's sperm time to rebuild in between go-rounds. I really, really do not recommend you guys DTD every other day.

[maidentomother]

Don't take prenatals and stick with every 3 days, no more often. I'd stay strict on the diet as it is the number one sway factor, IMO. I very much agree with atomic that it's just a matter of time, and even young couples have swayed for 6 months, a year, even longer before conceiving their daughters! It is frustrating, I know, to see BFN month after month, but stay strong - your egg will come. :)

[bluebonnet22]

I second what Maiden and atomic said, I would keep up what you are doing and not give up! I also wouldn't take prenatals because they really don't help with conception. Is lack of EWCM a problem? I know some pink swaying ladies have added in preseed (even though it might sway a little blue) to help them conceive if that's an issue.

[Sp4rkl3s]

Thankyou so much for your responses and understanding.

It is very frustrating getting BFN's every month, and also difficult because DH is blaming it on not BD'ing enough. He's not into swaying, and although he has gone along with it all so far, it's starting to cause problems.
I'm also finding it much harder to stick to the diet as time goes on.

Is it different BD'ing every other day compared to every 4 days with an attempt at positive OPK, if positive falls 2 days after last BD?
I was thinking that every other day is still only 2 attempts over the 4 day fertile window?

Before I learned about swaying, I'm sure my odds of having a boy would have been about 80%.
At this stage, I'd happily take any odds that favour girl, even if only by a little.

[Sp4rkl3s]

Thankyou so much for your responses and understanding.

It is very frustrating getting BFN's every month, and also difficult because DH is blaming it on not BD'ing enough. He's not into swaying, and although he has gone along with it all so far, it's starting to cause problems.
I'm also finding it much harder to stick to the diet as time goes on.

Is it different BD'ing every other day compared to every 4 days with an attempt at positive OPK, if positive falls 2 days after last BD?
I was thinking that every other day is still only 2 attempts over the 4 day fertile window?

Before I learned about swaying, I'm sure my odds of having a boy would have been about 80%.
At this stage, I'd happily take any odds that favour girl, even if only by a little.

[atomic sagebrush]

Thankyou so much for your responses and understanding.

It is very frustrating getting BFN's every month, and also difficult because DH is blaming it on not BD'ing enough. He's not into swaying, and although he has gone along with it all so far, it's starting to cause problems.
I'm also finding it much harder to stick to the diet as time goes on.

Is it different BD'ing every other day compared to every 4 days with an attempt at positive OPK, if positive falls 2 days after last BD?
I was thinking that every other day is still only 2 attempts over the 4 day fertile window?

Before I learned about swaying, I'm sure my odds of having a boy would have been about 80%.
At this stage, I'd happily take any odds that favour girl, even if only by a little.

It could be as many as three attempts in fertile window if you have an attempt O-4, O-2, and O day. But it's MORE THAN THAT. We just don't KNOW what is swaying and it seems to be that having DH regularly release, AND having regular, frequent exposure to the hormones in his semen, AND also having 2-3 attempts in fertile window are like a perfect storm that may end up swaying strongly blue. It's not just about sheer number of attempts, here.

If you BD every 4 days plus one attempt at pos OPK, you can be assured it will be only 2 attempts in fertile window. I'd give that a try before DTD every other day.

[popple]

Thankyou so much for your responses and understanding.

It is very frustrating getting BFN's every month, and also difficult because DH is blaming it on not BD'ing enough. He's not into swaying, and although he has gone along with it all so far, it's starting to cause problems.
I'm also finding it much harder to stick to the diet as time goes on.

Is it different BD'ing every other day compared to every 4 days with an attempt at positive OPK, if positive falls 2 days after last BD?
I was thinking that every other day is still only 2 attempts over the 4 day fertile window?

Before I learned about swaying, I'm sure my odds of having a boy would have been about 80%.
At this stage, I'd happily take any odds that favour girl, even if only by a little.

Feeling your pain sp4rkl3s! I have been on the LE diet for around 10 months now and am on month 5 for swaying. DH thinks the "dtd every 4 days" is the issue and the sole reason why I have not conceived yet. I now feel torn as I am keen for baby no.2 but really want to up the odds for a girly. Can't wait to eat what I want, when I want too! Fingers crossed we both get our bfps soon!

[Sp4rkl3s]

Feeling your pain sp4rkl3s! I have been on the LE diet for around 10 months now and am on month 5 for swaying. DH thinks the "dtd every 4 days" is the issue and the sole reason why I have not conceived yet. I now feel torn as I am keen for baby no.2 but really want to up the odds for a girly. Can't wait to eat what I want, when I want too! Fingers crossed we both get our bfps soon!

Popple, I think it's important to keep the support of DH and lack of BD'ing certainly helping here! He won't use protection as he thinks that just silly when we are TTC, so I find myself trying to put off DTD when I can, and plan our attempts without making an issue of it. He gets very annoyed if he realises I'm trying to plan our sex life around swaying. I'm finding it all quite difficult.
It's great to be able to pick and choose from most sway factors and I've tried some and dropped some.
It seems that diet and fewer attempts though are essential to swaying pink.

[atomic sagebrush]

Well, when it comes to DH, ya gotta do what ya gotta do and if it's a dealbreaker for him, then you have to do it because the cardinal rule of swaying is, "If daddy ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"

[Sp4rkl3s]

I keep looking at the statistics spreadsheet and seeing people who got girls with multiple attempts. Very tempted to just go for it and take my chances!
But then I see how much one attempt is recommended here and I really don't want all the good I've done with the diet to be overridden by BD'ing too much!

[Sp4rkl3s]

I had a chat with DH last night and we agreed to have more attempts this month. With the tension it was causing there may have been no baby, and I do desperately want to be pregnant soon.
Although I'm disappointed to weaken my sway, I already feel relieved to be able to relax and enjoy more, and to know we will have the best chance of conceiving.

So.. Now to decide, every day? every other day? Throughout the month or just around ovulation?
I know none of these are great for pink, but is there a better frequent option?

Do I still have a reasonable chance of pink from 6 months of diet and 30lb weight loss?

[covered in blue]

Looking at the stats it seems like 4+ attempts is getting reasonable results. I'd be inclined to go at it like rabbits and try at least once a day. Maybe if you started as soon as AF finished you might wear him out by O time and get in your one attempt? lol

[covered in blue]

FX this is your month!

[Pinkmeup]

I had a chat with DH last night and we agreed to have more attempts this month. With the tension it was causing there may have been no baby, and I do desperately want to be pregnant soon.
Although I'm disappointed to weaken my sway, I already feel relieved to be able to relax and enjoy more, and to know we will have the best chance of conceiving.

So.. Now to decide, every day? every other day? Throughout the month or just around ovulation?
I know none of these are great for pink, but is there a better frequent option?

Do I still have a reasonable chance of pink from 6 months of diet and 30lb weight loss?

I would def say you do. Weight loss is a great help and dtd every day whether throughout cycle or just around ov is favourable to every other day which sways blue. Tho, every 4 days does have better odds. I hear where you are coming from though. I was getting really down and fed up with the mounting bfn's and knew I couldn't handle swaying at all much longer. Best of luck. Remember that as soon as you get your BFP all the diet and swaying is just a distant memory!

[Junie]

Looking at the stats it seems like 4+ attempts is getting reasonable results. I'd be inclined to go at it like rabbits and try at least once a day. Maybe if you started as soon as AF finished you might wear him out by O time and get in your one attempt? lol
I agree with this. :)

[atomic sagebrush]

I keep looking at the statistics spreadsheet and seeing people who got girls with multiple attempts. Very tempted to just go for it and take my chances!
But then I see how much one attempt is recommended here and I really don't want all the good I've done with the diet to be overridden by BD'ing too much!

Never have I said that you cannot get a girl with multiple attempts. But when something drops from 70-75% success rate (one attempt) to 60-65% success rate (2 attempts) to 40-45% success rates (3 attempts) and stays that way for 3 years, it is something that I simply cannot ignore in terms of swaying tactics.

The success rate with 4 or more attempts is skewed to make it look more successful than it seems because virtually all those people were either on Clomid, doing TONS of very strict sway tactics, or had gone on for a really long time not getting pregnant. Do not believe those numbers for 4+ attempts.

And I hate to be nitpicky but you do yourself no favors by poring over that spreadsheet. Do one attempt, two, three, 17, but don't sit around poring over that spreadsheet, that is a swaykiller.

http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/33517-maternal-dominance-hypothesis-priviledged-daughter-hypothesis.html
http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/43555-thoughts-stats.html

[atomic sagebrush]

I had a chat with DH last night and we agreed to have more attempts this month. With the tension it was causing there may have been no baby, and I do desperately want to be pregnant soon.
Although I'm disappointed to weaken my sway, I already feel relieved to be able to relax and enjoy more, and to know we will have the best chance of conceiving.

So.. Now to decide, every day? every other day? Throughout the month or just around ovulation?
I know none of these are great for pink, but is there a better frequent option?

Do I still have a reasonable chance of pink from 6 months of diet and 30lb weight loss?

With diet and weight loss you do still have a good chance of pink. I think just removing the conflict from the situation may help sway pink a bit too so please don't worry about number of attempts, and I'll send you as much pink dust as I have.

[atomic sagebrush]

Looking at the stats it seems like 4+ attempts is getting reasonable results. I'd be inclined to go at it like rabbits and try at least once a day. Maybe if you started as soon as AF finished you might wear him out by O time and get in your one attempt? lol

There are reasons for that outside of the obvious (see post above)

If a person is adding attempts to up odds of conception, then frequent BD through O is not going to accomplish that, because it will deplete his sperm numbers too much before the fertile window even opens up. :)

[Sp4rkl3s]

OK, I promise no more spreadsheet checking!
I know that I'm the typical boy mum from the Maternal Dominance theory!
So, every day, 4+ attempts is a bad idea? is there a preferable option for more frequently BD? Every other day only around ovulation time?
40-45% is lower than I'm comfortable with :(
Our DS was conceived from BD'ing at least once a day, and we had a chemical 5 months ago after frequent release and regular BDing before I read more about one attempt.

[atomic sagebrush]

See, what you're really after is some magic way to both sway pink and up odds of conception. And that simply doesn't exist.

If you want to be in with tons of attempts, you can have BD every day starting at the end of AF and going right through O. This is called frequent BD through O and it does seem to help sway pink. I am not a fan because it goes wrong a lot (something happens and people start skipping days and then this ends up to be every other day which I believe to be blue) And it also doesn't serve your purposes because it really depletes sperm numbers and many people have done this and not gotten pg.

I"m not sure how many more ways I can go over this, but your options are, DTD every 4 days, DTD every 3 days, DTD every 4 days plus one attempt at pos OPK, DTD every 3 days plus one attempt at pos OPK. While I don't know it as fact, I think any of those will be a heck of a lot better htan DTD every other day. The more attempts you add, I believe the lower your odds of pink are gonna be. I just can't pull something out here that will solve this dilemma, because it's really seeming to be a mutually exclusive thing - the more attempts just does seem to lower odds of pink. I don't know how or why, but I just can't draw any other conclusion based on the data.

The only other option is a bit of sneaky pool which would entail using jellies or something to cut odds of conception to nil with some attempts and keeping your husband satisfied that way, then dropping that for one or two attempts.

[Sp4rkl3s]

Yes, I'm definitely looking for that magic way to have the best of both! If only it were that easy!

Thankyou for your time.
I think I'll try to start with every 3 days, then see when positive OPK falls, then decide whether to add extra attempts. (I'll probably be back then asking for more advice!)
For all my worrying and planning, I'll probably get confused with OPKs again, or DH will be too busy, or some other unexpected complication!
I know I should relax and take it as it comes, but I do like to have a bit of a plan.
Thankyou again for your help.

[Junie]

See, what you're really after is some magic way to both sway pink and up odds of conception. And that simply doesn't exist.

If you want to be in with tons of attempts, you can have BD every day starting at the end of AF and going right through O. This is called frequent BD through O and it does seem to help sway pink. I am not a fan because it goes wrong a lot (something happens and people start skipping days and then this ends up to be every other day which I believe to be blue) And it also doesn't serve your purposes because it really depletes sperm numbers and many people have done this and not gotten pg.

I"m not sure how many more ways I can go over this, but your options are, DTD every 4 days, DTD every 3 days, DTD every 4 days plus one attempt at pos OPK, DTD every 3 days plus one attempt at pos OPK. While I don't know it as fact, I think any of those will be a heck of a lot better htan DTD every other day. The more attempts you add, I believe the lower your odds of pink are gonna be. I just can't pull something out here that will solve this dilemma, because it's really seeming to be a mutually exclusive thing - the more attempts just does seem to lower odds of pink. I don't know how or why, but I just can't draw any other conclusion based on the data.

The only other option is a bit of sneaky pool which would entail using jellies or something to cut odds of conception to nil with some attempts and keeping your husband satisfied that way, then dropping that for one or two attempts.

This is so SO true atomic!!! I know sometimes I really, really, wanted there to be some way to just not do the diet LOL. But what Atomic gives us are the tools to have the best possible sway and we have to accept that if we don't follow her advice (which is fine!) then we will probably be decreasing our chances of our dream gender. Which is also OK. I mean I'm doing quite a relaxed sway but I'm also very aware that the choices I'm making could lead to me having my third boy,and I can live with that.
Good luck sp4kl3s :)

[maidentomother]

I very, very much agree with atomic's post at the top of this page. The whole reason that swaying pink works is bc it lowers fertility, so anything you do to significantly increase your odds of conception, like adding attempts and being lax on the diet, will undermine your months of hard work and sway blue.

I urge you to stay strict on the diet above all else, as it is the strongest pink sway tactic - even stronger than just one BD attempt. I do think BDing from AF all the way through O, without skipping a single day, CAN sway pink for some couples, especially if the woman was being very strict on the diet for many months and is using rephresh/acigel/sylk etc to kill off much of the sperm. But as atomic said, it's difficult to BD every single day for 2+ weeks straight and most of the time, the couples who try this tactic end up skipping days and swaying blue. Also, since you conceived a son while BDing every day, I do not think this tactic will sway pink for YOU, but instead almost certainly blue. So again, I urge you to stick to every 3 days, the most reasonable pink BD plan for swift conception. Whatever you do, DO NOT, for the love of God, BD every other day! That is optimal for sperm count inside you and is a very strong blue sway BD tactic. I would rather see you BD every day from AF through O using rephresh & sylk than BD every other day - though I don't RECOMMEND that approach unless absolutely necessary to keep DH on board with TTC. Stick to every 3 days if at all possible!

Also, why not avoid telling DH when O is expected, and BD as much as you want (multiple times a day, even) from CD1-8 and again from 3DPO until AF. If you enjoy BDing during AF, do so. Have so much sex when you're NOT fertile that when it's the week before/around O, DH is so worn out from BD he's happy to take it easy for a while. I don't know your DH, but if can't be moved by facts & reason (via reading atomic's thorough and brilliant essays on swaying), perhaps a little trickery will work more effectively.

Stay strong, and stick with the LE strictly no matter what you end up doing BD-wise. We're all rooting for you even if DH doesn't understand.