Hello! Having a dilemma!

[sweetsiblings]

Hello Everyone!
I was so happy to find this wonderful community and have been devouring the information (thank you, Atomic, for the impressive research!). I'm 38 years old and have a two year old daughter. We are hoping to have one more baby and will start TTC this cycle most likely. We'll be stopping after our second child. I'm hoping you all can help me with a dilemma I'm experiencing about gender. I came onto this site because I felt certain I wanted to sway for a girl. I was planning to purchase the personalized plan and get started immediately. My husband and I have always envisioned our family as two daughters, and it just feels intuitively right for us. I'd also love for my daughter to have a sister. However, I'm feeling a little guilty about wanting two daughters, and wondering if I should just leave it up to God/nature/chance. What if I'm supposed to have a son? I'm also concerned about swaying girl because I don't want to compromise my fertility to the extent that I may not even be able to conceive. I'm still breastfeeding and I'm in my late 30's, so my fertility may already be compromised. However, we were fortunate to become pregnant easily with our daughter.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.
Thanks!

[atomic sagebrush]

Please don't feel guilty for wanting 2 daughters, the heart wants what it wants.

I got my daughter at 41 1/2 so don't overthink the "reduced fertility" aspect. I take that into consideration when I do the sway plans and run a looser sway for moms in their late 30's focusing on the things that ACTUALLY help sway and we get great results doing that. :)

The way I see it, you really can't lose. If you sway and get a girl, great; if you get an opposite, you get a boy which is also GREAT! :)

[sweetsiblings]

Thanks so much, Atomic! I really appreciate your kind reply. I think you're right about trying to sway, but it being a win-win even if it doesn't work. I want to start TTC this cycle and I'm currently on AF, so I don't have much time for serious diet changes. I've been losing weight very slowly (my body has been resistant to losing weight while breastfeeding), but I'm going to try to step it up and go vegetarian and lower fat/calorie/protein in the next couple weeks. I also plan to have one cup of pep tea a day, and maybe have DH partake as well. I remember you saying that the best sway tactic after diet is one attempt during the fertile period. DH is 33, so would our best bet be a 7 day abstain and then one attempt at +opk? I haven't been charting or temping (erratic sleep), but my cycles seem fairly regular at 29-30 days apart; I'm just not sure exactly when I ovulate (though I do have several days of EWCM) Have you all found the clearblue fertility monitor or regular opk's more effective?
Those are my ideas for a light girl sway. I'm trying to not become to obsessive about it b/c I do have some Martha tendencies and I feel my obsessive wheels turning! ☺️ Thanks in advance for feedback/advice.

[sweetsiblings]

Oh, and when we conceived our DD we BD every day, used pre-seed, and I was on prenatals, fish oil, and Femdophilus probiotics (excellent for preventing UTI's and yeast infections). I understand those all sway blue. I dropped the fish oil, but I'm reluctant to stop probiotics b/c of the aforementioned benefits. I'm so nervous about dropping prenatals when I'm losing weight and breastfeeding. My DD nurses about 4-5 times a day, so I want my milk to continue to be nourishing. I think I'd also feel really guilty if there was a health issue with the baby and I hadn't been on prenatals before conception. Would stopping prenatals and probiotics for a couple of weeks before attempt really make a difference?

[jmomof3girls]

I think it's really cool that you want another of the same gender. I have 3 daughters and it's so much fun. Good luck!

[maidentomother]

I don't have children yet, and I'm not sure yet how many I want to have - at least 2, possibly 3-4 - but I'm swaying pink for my first and I know I want at least 2 daughters, so I will probably feel how you do in a few years time - I'm 33 & 1/2 now. Swaying pink is rough, and I would like the chance to leave it up to God/fate, but then again, I really want 2 girls, so I think I know how you feel. And there is no shame in wanting what you want; if anything, you are wise to acknowledge your desire and be honest with yourself.

I don't think you're so old that you need worry about pink swaying preventing conception. Also, the way we sway here, health is always a priority so I wouldn't worry about nursing while on the LE and off prenatals, fish oil, and probiotics - all of which definitely sway blue and which I urge you to stop taking if you wish to sway. Why not give your daughter vitamins, fish oil, and probiotics mixed in with her food or some expressed breast milk? That way she gets every nutrient. A few months, even 6 months if it comes to it, off probiotics, won't be that hard on you, and you can still have yogurt daily which will provide some of the same benefits without swaying blue.

Obviously you'll consume more cals than most pink swayers, both bc you're nursing so much and to prevent too much weight loss. If you drink a full sugar soda daily as part of your sway, that will help both ends, as well. I wouldn't try to lose weight, or restrict your caloric intake too much, but rather focus on changing WHAT you eat (low protein, lower fat, fewer nutrients) and HOW (no snacking, just 3 meals daily).

[sweetsiblings]

Thank you, Janamom and Maidentomother. I appreciate the encouragement. Janamom, I've known some lovely families with 3 girls!
Maidentomother, I think I will pick up some supplements for my daughter just to be sure her bases are covered while I sway and give up the prenatals, etc. I've been avoiding snacking and have been trying to eat breakfast as late as possible. Thanks for the helpful info! I hope you both get your dream babies!:pregnant:

[atomic sagebrush]

AT 38 I would not have you do pep tea. We haven't seen good results with it.

DH 33, yes, I"d be recommending abstain + 1 attempt at first ALTHOUGH if getting pg quickly is more important to you and also given your irregular ovulation, I have other things that we could try instead that would increase odds of conception while still getting pretty good results for pink. Abstain has been a little disappointing in terms of results.

Wondfo OPK are the best. Don't waste money on Clearblues, ESPECIALLY not the fertiliy monitor. It's terrible and I personally think should be pulled from the market because it sucks so much.

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh, and when we conceived our DD we BD every day, used pre-seed, and I was on prenatals, fish oil, and Femdophilus probiotics (excellent for preventing UTI's and yeast infections). I understand those all sway blue. I dropped the fish oil, but I'm reluctant to stop probiotics b/c of the aforementioned benefits. I'm so nervous about dropping prenatals when I'm losing weight and breastfeeding. My DD nurses about 4-5 times a day, so I want my milk to continue to be nourishing. I think I'd also feel really guilty if there was a health issue with the baby and I hadn't been on prenatals before conception. Would stopping prenatals and probiotics for a couple of weeks before attempt really make a difference?

People can and do get girls running straight from the "boy" playbook. There are tons of things that are not visible to the naked eye that are swaying, and it may have been that you just had some of that stuff working for you (plus a little luck on your side!) All we can do is look at the overall science and results and those show that taking prenatals and fish oil are blue sway tactics. Insurmountable, no, but I can't recommend it. What you may wish to do instead is to reduce dose to 3x a week. Your body stores months to years of many nutrients and then virtually all the rest are present in more than adequate amounts on LE Diet.

RE your milk - milk is made to be nourishing and our bodies are darn good at making it. The tiny handful of people who have ever had unnutritious milk are people who have been on very strange diets for years at a time and were EBF.

I BEG you if you do one thing, DROP the probiotics. IT was the only thing that has ever gotten worse than 50-50 for us.

[sweetsiblings]

Thanks so much, Atomic! I've stopped the probiotics and will go buy some folate today so I can drop the prenatals. Is 800mcg enough?
I will try the Wondfo ovulation tests. I think a 7 day abstain might not work out for this month since I really don't have a good idea of my ovulation day and wouldn't know when he should start abstaining. Would it be better to BD every 4 days instead? Should DH release in addition to that?

Thanks for the help!

[atomic sagebrush]

I would go with 1200-1600. It may help prevent chromosomal abnormalities in the egg.

Yes if abstain won't work out, I'd not worry about OPK, etc this month and do every 4 day. Whether or not to have DH release is at your discretion - if he does release in between times, it will lower odds of conception and may be slightly more pink friendly. BEst odds of conception plus darn good odds of pink would be with every4 day without additional release. I am just not sure that ading the FR really confers enough benefit to justify the trouble it causes, but many people want to give it at least one month doing everything so they can feel like they did everything, LOL

[MamaLuv]

How lovely sweetsisters! Good luck to you dear! If you get another girl that's wonderful that your daughter will have a sister. I would love with all of my heart to have a daughter. You're a lucky girl!...If you have a boy, you get one of each which is still wonderful. Boys love their mamas! I have three myself. Don't feel bad about having a gender preference. It's normal though we all love our babies the same. Good luck! :wink:

[sweetsiblings]

Thank you, Atomic! DH will be thrilled about the 4 day plan vs. the one shot plan. :wink:
As far as the folic acid, will 1200-1600 sway twins? I've heard breastfeeding can sway twins and I'd really like to avoid twins because that would be very hard on my body (I have a chronic pain condition).

Thank you for the sweet comment, MamaLuv! I'm so grateful for this wonderful community! I'm sorry for your loss and I hope your little girl is on her way! :XX:

[atomic sagebrush]

It's believed that higher dose folic DOES NOT sway twin but may help both twins to survive in case a twin pg occurs. That is much higher folic dose, BTW - not the 1200-1600 mcg range