Abstained VS every 4 day release - trying for pink

[CurlyPie]

Trying to sway pink question-

Is it better for my husband to abstain from releasing for 7-10 days and then for us to attempt one time when I get a positive ovulation test?

Should he take a hot bath before our 1 attempt?

30 yrs old, one DS.
We aren't doing any supplements. I take folic acid. We don't eat red meat and I eat what I always have just low everything. I started having a glass of wine at night to relax :)

Thank you!!

[maidentomother]

I would do abstain + one attempt, yep. And the hot bath for DH.

[Juultje]

My DH is 43 years old. Abstaining is not recommended because of his age. What is the best option? BD every 4 days (CD 6, 10, 14, 18) or FR for 7-10 days and then one attempt at pos OPK?

[maidentomother]

How old are you? If you're 38 plus I'd do every 4 days, if you're younger FR and one attempt.

[CurlyPie]

Should I jump and dump? What is the time frame on that - wait 5 minutes or 10?

[Juultje]

I'm 36. Thanks for the advice!

[maidentomother]

I personally compromise and get up after 5 min which is my normal procedure after sex. The healthy sperm get where they need to go in seconds-minutes. I don't do anything extra to get semen out, just let it drip as usual. I got pregnant 6 times doing that and at least one I know was a girl.

We really don't think frequency sways all that much so DH can release however he likes really. It's the one attempt that matters. But if you want to try FR it can't hurt!

[CurlyPie]

Thanks so much! I think I'm going to do abstain with one attempt when I get a positive opk. ��

[CurlyPie]

Should I take any antihistamines or cranberry or both?
If so whats the dose?

[atomic sagebrush]

OK I swear I answered this already, did you post it twice?

Better than WHAT?

I can't say what is better. I do not have the level of info to know for sure. You ahve to take a lot of things into consideration, including above all else what your husband is willing to do!

Many people do hot bath before attempt, may help, can't hurt, but may lower odds of conception considerably.

[atomic sagebrush]

Should I take any antihistamines or cranberry or both?
If so whats the dose?

I don't recommend cranberry for any women because I do not believe it is safe.

antihistamines are not getting super results and really cut odds of concetion, but most people do want to give them a try.

THere is a link in my signature to the Complete Index and in it, under "antihistamine" is an essay that will tell you how to do them.

[atomic sagebrush]

My DH is 43 years old. Abstaining is not recommended because of his age. What is the best option? BD every 4 days (CD 6, 10, 14, 18) or FR for 7-10 days and then one attempt at pos OPK?

This depends on how big a hurry you are in to get pregnant and what he is capable of doing.

BEst sway is ~probably~ FR + one attempt at pos OPK but this is difficult for many DH to do and also really cuts odds of conception by a lot.

EVery 4 days will give higher rates of conception and has been getting good results too, so it is a balancing act between your wanting to have that feeling that you have done everything possible to sway and having a good chance of quick conception.

A compromise would be to have DH release every 2-4 days and then go for the one attempt at pos OPK>

[atomic sagebrush]

Should I jump and dump? What is the time frame on that - wait 5 minutes or 10?

I have most people j and d after 5 min. There is no reliable data about it to go off of so that is just what makes sense to me (really nothing more than a guess)

When I got my daughter I stayed laying down all night, so I can guarantee there is nothing magic or mandatory about J and D.

[CurlyPie]

Atomic - I recently asked about abstaining 7-10 days or every 4 days to try and sway pink and you said abstaining is getting the good results. I have read this from you in multiple threads.

I just saw a comment you posted this morning saying "abstaining isn't working well"

I am feeling frustrated reading opposite views within a matter or days... Leaves me uncertain about what I'm doing.

I did baby dance last night. We abstained 6 days and I had a positive opk

[atomic sagebrush]

Sorry that you're feeling frustrated. What you need to understand is that swaying is a work in progress under the best of circumstances and it is NOT a cookie cutter, one size fits all thing where I can lay out "sway factors" that everyone should do and then they get some kind of guarantee. It doesn't work that way and even if it did, we don't have the kind of information available that would enable me to do that.

I have NEVER said that abstaining is getting "the good" results. If you thought I said that, you need to go back and reread what I said because that is not the case. All the frequency patterns are getting lower results than the overall stats of the site. I DO believe that abstain sways pink to some extent and that it is something that some people might want to try and include. ONE ATTEMPT is what is seeming to work, and if a person can manage to get pregnant doing abstain and one attempt, I BELIEVE that is a better sway overall than DTD every 4 days.

The problem is that many people CAN'T get pregnant doing that, and/or it is so stressful that it is just generally problematic and may even sway blue (because being a control freak can tend to sway blue, and you have to be a bit of a control freak to pull off abstain + 1 attempt, so even if the abstain + one attempt is swaying pink, some people undo this by having to become such a control freak to pull it off) so for some people in some circumstances, every 4 days is better. There are TONS of elements that come into play about what is best for a certain person. The most important thing is keeping that one attempt above all else. Abstain, every 4 days, blah blah blah, KEEP THE ONE ATTEMPT

What most people want to do is to start off doing as many sway tactics as possible. Thus, as a general rule, I have people start off doing a frequency pattern like abstain or daily release FIRST, then dropping that as time goes on. So for someone like you who seems like you are just getting started, I would advise starting off with that rather than going right to every 4 days method, which does seem to be working but at least on paper may not be as good a sway as abstain plus one attempt.

[CurlyPie]

Atomic, thank you for your response.

We usually have sex once a week so abstaining wasn't challenging for me.

We dtd every other day when I conceived my DS (not swaying either way), on the first try.

I guess I'll know the outcome in a couple of weeks!

[atomic sagebrush]

good luck!

[hulagirl94]

Just to be sure I'm understanding... My original plan was to abstain....Reading the spreadsheet I'm thinking BD every 4 days may be a better option... Does this mean we BD every 4 days with a condom, and on +OPK being the only day we don't use a condom?

Thank you!

[maidentomother]

BD every 4 days unprotected, no condom. Don't worry about OPKs when BDing every 4 days. You don't even need to use them.

[atomic sagebrush]

Just to be sure I'm understanding... My original plan was to abstain....Reading the spreadsheet I'm thinking BD every 4 days may be a better option... Does this mean we BD every 4 days with a condom, and on +OPK being the only day we don't use a condom?

Thank you!

No, the every 4 day methond means you have unprotected sex every 4 days. No need to use condoms or OPK, just BD every 4 days.

There is nothing magic about having DH release every 4 days. IF anything, it may sway BLUE. But it is just an easy way to be sure you will always be in with one attempt in the fertile window, because that's about the real-world length of time that sperm can survive. Any sperm from prev. attempts will have died off, leaving only one batch on hand to fertilize the egg. This seems to sway strongly pink, for reasons we can only guess at.

POint is, there is no point in having condom sex every 4th day unless you want to.

[CurlyPie]

Atomic - I'm worried I would miss my window with every 4 days. Could I do every 3 and still sway pink? I am doing the LE diet

[maidentomother]

You can do whatever you want, it's your sway. :) We don't have much data on every 3 days and it is more blue than every 4 days. But if you've been doing diet & exercise hardcore for 3-4 months or more and no BFP, I think you could try every 3 days. But only if the rest of your sway is strong. In March I will try every 3 days if I'm not pregnant by then.

[CurlyPie]

You can do whatever you want, it's your sway. :) We don't have much data on every 3 days and it is more blue than every 4 days. But if you've been doing diet & exercise hardcore for 3-4 months or more and no BFP, I think you could try every 3 days. But only if the rest of your sway is strong. In March I will try every 3 days if I'm not pregnant by then.


I'm doing the diet the best I can but I'm not exercising.

[kitkat18]

Good advice maiden! You have to do what feels right for you and try and have no regrets! Xx

[maidentomother]

If you're very sedentary, not overweight, and doing the diet well for 12+w, I would consider switching to every 3 days - but I'd try a few months of one attempt, then a few months of every 4 days, then if still not pregnant, every 3 days. But I really want a girl not just a baby, and that's just what I'd do. I'm on my 6th cycle TTC. It can take healthy couples 6 months to get pregnant snd pink swaying does lower chances of conception, so you need to give a pink sway more time generally. How many months have you been TTC?

[CurlyPie]

Maiden , I weight about 105 and active with my 15 month old.

Three months this time around of ttc.
Conceived my son on the first try dtd every other day.

One month we tried one attempt after 6 days abstinence and a bath but I think I had already ovulated.
And last month we did every 3 days - Cd 6, 9 and 12 - I didn't use an opk and looking back I should have done an attempt in Cd 15 in case I ovulated late since my cycle that month ended up being 28 days and its usually 25 days.

Doing the diet, trying to be stress free about ttc and incorporating some white wine at night when we baby dance.

My husband will be going out of town so at one point there will be 4 days in between dtd. But I was considering every 3 days for the rest if the cycle.

[atomic sagebrush]

Atomic - I'm worried I would miss my window with every 4 days. Could I do every 3 and still sway pink? I am doing the LE diet

Yes, of course, but be aware that if you are more on the fertile side, you will be having two functional attempts in the fertile window.

[atomic sagebrush]

I would never switch to every 3 days after 3 months of TTC unless you are like 40 years old or desperate to get pg

[maidentomother]

I also conceived very quickly in the past, and 4/6 prior pregnancies I was having daily sex for most of my cycle. My weight has been anywhere from 90-115lbs but 105 is my default generally. It sounds like you might not have ever really given one attempt a proper shot and as swaying very often delays O maybe you've missed it both months.

I would definitely drop abstinence and hot baths before increasing number of attempts! So here's what I suggest for you specifically: for the next 3 months, have one attempt at positive OPK + an extra attempt 4 days later in case of late O. If after 3 cycles of this tactic failing (and not bc you missed O, that doesn't count!), then I'd switch to every 4 days all cycle long for 1-2 months. If still no luck, then switch to every 3 days all cycle long for your 6th month TTC. I'm not counting your last 2 cycles with likely missed O, obviously.

Instead of increasing attempts, I'd make sure the sperm for your one attempt + extra 4 days after is fresh & healthy, so make sure DH is releasing at least every 4 days all month long, and more often up to daily is fine, in fact even better for sperm health. No hot baths, tight underwear, or abstinence. DH can release on his own, with your help or via protected sex with a condom. This way you are increasing your odds of conception while still keeping the strongest pink sway tactics (diet + one attempt).

Looking back at my first 4 TTC cycles while swaying, I realized my timing was really bad all but one cycle and I almost definitely missed O (bc I BDed too early or too late) the other 3 cycles. So I was blaming one attempt when in fact I only ever gave it a chance once, and that one cycle it was 3 days before O which is not ideal, especially as I have so little fertile CM while swaying. Last month, cycle #5, was the first time my timing of one attempt was ideal, but DF had abstained for 2-4 weeks before so I doubt there were many good sperm! Plus, I used a non-sperm friendly lube. This current cycle #6, DF released 2 days before our one attempt, which was ideally timed, and I used a small amount of sperm friendly lube. I'm hoping those factors will mske a difference for mr.

How much fertile CM do you have before and during O? If you're dry like so many of us pink swayers, that could be inhibiting conception, and again, I'd use a little SF lube first before increasing attempts. And remember, pink swaying is MEANT to inhibit conception somewhat, that's part of how it works, and it is normal for conception to take longer while swaying. So many mothers of 2, 3, 4 or more boys conceived all their boys the first cycle trying but it took them 3-6 cycles (or longer) of well timed one attempts to conceive a girl. So it is absolutely possible to get pregnant from one attempt and your patience will be rewarded!

[CurlyPie]

Maiden, thank you so much.

I used to have lots of ewcm and since I began swaying I have little to none.
Question -
We last dtd this past Thursday. And now my husband is going out of town this Thursday and he will be back Sunday night.
Today is cycle day 4.

Should we baby dance tonight and tomorrow (to get fresh sperm etc) and then DTD Sunday when he gets back which will be day CD 9 and then every 4 thereafter?

Thank you so much for your feedback! :)

[maidentomother]

If you aren't using OPKs, then yep, that sounds like a good plan. BD protected today and tomorrow, then start BDing every 4 days unprotected on CD9. And tell DH he can release on his own as he likes while he is away.

Do you have enough CM to BD comfortably? WITHOUT/before doing anything that stimulates the production of arousal fluid?

You're so welcome! :) I really hope others can learn & benefit from my mistakes! Pink swaying is such a delicate balance and many of us seem to be the over-analytical, anxious, perfectionist, impatient types - I know am. I expected to conceive right away and was really surprised when I didn't.

[atomic sagebrush]

Maiden, thank you so much.

I used to have lots of ewcm and since I began swaying I have little to none.
Question -
We last dtd this past Thursday. And now my husband is going out of town this Thursday and he will be back Sunday night.
Today is cycle day 4.

Should we baby dance tonight and tomorrow (to get fresh sperm etc) and then DTD Sunday when he gets back which will be day CD 9 and then every 4 thereafter?

Thank you so much for your feedback! :)

Yes

[CurlyPie]

Yes, I have lots of fluid when baby dancing. I never have to use lubricant.
Maiden, you said do the every 4 days unprotected. What about today and tomorrow - can that be unprotected too?

[maidentomother]

It's great that you don't need lube. :) As for the BDing, I wouldn't have any unprotected sex until CD9, so use a condom for all BDing before DH leaves. It is possible that having regular/frequent unprotected sex sends signals to the body that sway blue, and it definitely increases your internal pH even if only temporarily, and can potentially increase sperm count inside you if the sperm survive for an exceptionally long time (I swear I once conceived from BD 10 days betore O!).

Some couples who BD every 4 days use the pull out method on the days between attempts, but I don't recommend that as sperm can sometimes still make it inside even if DH pulls out well in advance, and I think that even without ejaculation, unprotected sex (especially frequent) still might sway blue somehow. So I wouldn't risk it even though I HATE condoms so much I'd rather not have sex at all than use them! I'd prefer to give my partner a BJ if he wanted me involved with his releasing as both of us would enjoy that more than protected sex.