Extreme gender desire - calling all Indians, Asians... and others too

[prayforaboy]

Back ground - I come from a culture of preference for boys.Also all of our generation have only two kids. Going for a boy after two girls is RARE and is look down upon.
I have two girls and really wanted/want a boy, mostly because I always wanted both genders. I want to experience being mother of a son too. I had extreme gender disappointment with my second daughter and at this point my husband is onboard with HT and third kid.
I am confused because life is already hard with two and having a third means extra ...... everything. I am looking for honest opinion on what would you do in my situation?
I am coming in terms with having two daughters and letting go my dream of a boy but at the same time there will be always that hole in my heart. I feel like may be my family is complete with two girls....but then I seen other's having boys and I feel very sad. What should I do? What would you do in my position?

[prayforaboy]

So my story is same like everybody here + extra society pressure ( having boy after 2 kids means you prefer boys over girls). also we should shakeoff the society but it is very hard to do for me.

[LacePrincess]

Societal pressures are difficult for sure. :(

I'm swaying for a girl, but I'm Chinese so I hope you don't mind me chiming in. While my ethnic culture origins obviously favour boys, personally I've always longed for a girl.

Plus I grew up in Canada and around here it seems like girls are definitely more favoured. And big families aren't the norm where I live, though there are lots of 3 kid families. Right now we're TTC #4 so that's bigger than usual so I do expect to have lots of nasty comments if we have a fourth.

Obviously everyone has to decide for themselves, but for us we really had to come to terms with being okay with going after what we wanted, and frankly - screw everyone else's opinions. I don't want to be 55 and regretting that we didn't go for what our hearts really wanted. When we were trying to decide if it was crazy for us to go for the immense cost of HT to try for a girl, the bottom line just came down to doing what we had to do so we wouldn't have any regrets.

There's really only so many years you're fertile, and you can't buy back time or turn back the clock. So IMO if your heart and soul truly want another baby, then go for it! But if you're not going HT then you really have to be honest with yourself and if you would be ok with an opposite.

[prayforaboy]

Thank you so much for reply! if we go for third it will be HT.I am not ready for third girl.. I already have most beautiful daughters in the world

[nuthinbutpink]

If you want it bad enough, you'll try. That's really it. Once I knew about HT, it wasn't "if" but when. Of course, even then there is no guarantee. You may still have to find a way to be ok with two girls. HT may be what makes the decision for you. If a boy is what you really want AND HT is an option, you'll go for it. If you're more worried about how others view you, then you won't I guess.

It is YOUR life though. I'd choose to live it the way you see fit.

[atomic sagebrush]

If high tech is an option, do it sooner rather than later because your odds of success will be higher.

But, that having been said, many people find that once they really, truly decide that they are not going to have any more kids and the option is off the table, they are much more happy and satisfied with their family as it is than they were when the possibility existed. Sometimes when we're "in it", it becomes like an obsession, and only by closing the door to that, do we wake up and snap out of it.

I have many friends from Ingender who decided to move on with their family and not try for their desired gender and they all look like they're having a great time - they are traveling with their husbands, doing activities with their kids, and they have money and time to enjoy those things - while it's great to get your DG, at the same time it is also great to have that much extra money and time to enjoy your already existing kids and some people's lifestyles are just really two-kid lifestyles. add more kids and you may have to get a different car, change your whole life around, etc. So while your dream may come true of having a son, it does make it harder on your family in other ways - there is no ideal solution, unfortunatley.

Only you can decide what is going to be better for you in the long run!

[prayforaboy]

Thank you for great reply Atomic. you put it very well.......i have to make a decision rather than this indecisive state...it is driving me crazy.

[BZ88]

I too come from an Asian family and know the favoritism of boys. Putting that aside though, are you still going to be happy with your family in 20 years from now or will you regret not trying? I think it's not the things we do that we regret but we may regret the things we don't try. It does take courage to go down the HT route. My hope for you is to find peace in whatever decision you make.