Negative responses to pregnancy announcement?

[prayin4pink]

I'm not currently pregnant but my DH and I will be starting our sway soon. The sad thing is I'm already dreading telling my father. With both of my sons he acted less than pleased about being a grandfather. His response last time was if that's what you want congratulations. I think it's just part of his personality. As a child I was to be seen but not heard. He acts the same way with my children. If they act roudy he gets annoyed easily. Maybe he just doesn't like children? For Christmas we didn't have presents and a big Christmas tree. Instead we went out to a formal dinner with him. At my son's last birthday (they share birthday parties) he didn't even bring a gift or talk to his grandkids. Just stood by the grill talking to the men. I got completely off topic. :eek: just frustrated I guess. I'm just wondering does anyone else have this problem? A family member who seems less than thrilled about pregnancy announcements or not good with your children?

[Adia]

Yep, my entire paternal extended family, which is huge.

We lived near an aunt and uncle for a couple years. After trying for several years to be involved and "family" with them we gave up. Our kids never behaved right, we didn't feed them the proper food, we didn't discipline properly, we were idiots in the first place for having more than 2 kids, etc.

They kicker was, they have a lot of money and use that money to keep the loyalty of their kids. THeir are many other people in that extended family who do the same thing. They were generous to us monetarily, but insanely rude and unkind.

We moved several states away and they sent a very rude email to another uncle but mistakenly put our name in the To: line. That did it for us. We are polite and kind when we see them at weddings/funerals, etc but we won't have any involvement beyond that.

Not to mention they have been insanely critical of anyone who has more than 2 kids and I am prego with DC4....I haven't told anyone on that side of my family and if I can help it they won't know until the get a birth announcing email!!!

I think their comes a point in our lives that we have to turn away from what WAS our immediate family and realize that the family we are creating, (DH, DCs) are NOW our immediate family. It was a big mental shift for me and it has taken me years to embrace it because my family, both immediate and extended, meant so much to me growing up. I came to realize, by their actions, that I did NOT mean as much to them as they meant to me. That told me it was time to shift my focus and savor the family DH and I have created.

Good luck....maybe don't say anything to your dad. If he sees you prego or hears something about it and approaches you just be matter of fact and give him something like "I didn't think it was a big deal to you and you would figure it out eventually." Be as matter-of-fact with him as he is with you....doesn't really sound like he'll care either way.

[prayin4pink]

Thank you for the advice. :) I shouldn't care about his opinion. I've done well distancing myself from him these past few years but I still need to stop trying to live up to his expectations.
Not related to my father but I completely get you on people being critical about having more than two kids. It's quite annoying. I ALWAYS hear the comment hopefully you'll have a girl next and you can get fixed. :mad:

[mommymachine]

My family stopped getting excited for me 3 babies ago! Now I get horrible comments when I announce a pregnancy. Comments like "are you serious?" and "I thought you were going to wait." And yes everyone can say that you shouldn't let his opinion bother you, but it is hard isn't it? For me it is anyway. It is very hard for me to let the comments go. I just have to tell myself that I have to do what is right for me and my family.

[Adia]

Thank you for the advice. :) I shouldn't care about his opinion. I've done well distancing myself from him these past few years but I still need to stop trying to live up to his expectations.
Not related to my father but I completely get you on people being critical about having more than two kids. It's quite annoying. I ALWAYS hear the comment hopefully you'll have a girl next and you can get fixed. :mad:

That's not realistic. Of course you care about his opinion and of course you want to live up to his expectations, he is your dad! Half of what created you! EVERYONE wants the approval of their parents. Even when their parents are completely useless. It is one of those 'heart things'. The head usually has to fix that one when things don't line up.

My mom is impossible but I have reached a place with her where I won't ever be what she wants. I am content with who I am and I expect her to get there too. She won't, but in my head and heart I have to make it more about me than her.

Try to look at why you want his approval and accept that you may not get it. Tough, but totally possible especially since you now have the chance to do it completely different with your own children.

[Adia]

My family stopped getting excited for me 3 babies ago! Now I get horrible comments when I announce a pregnancy. Comments like "are you serious?" and "I thought you were going to wait." And yes everyone can say that you shouldn't let his opinion bother you, but it is hard isn't it? For me it is anyway. It is very hard for me to let the comments go. I just have to tell myself that I have to do what is right for me and my family.

I always try to tell myself "who lives in this house?" "Who do I wake up to everyday?" That is what matters. I don't wake up to my extended family or my brothers/sisters and parents any more.
Sorry they are so rude...why can people just say "congrats" and then go home and gripe elsewhere???

[prayin4pink]

I'm not really sure why I want his approval honestly. He was a very abusive man so I'm don't understand why I feel like I need his approval when he was always treated me badly. :(
The way I look at it we are the one's who take care our children so it's no one's business but ours with how many kids we have ;)

[1+2+3boys]

Yes. With my second pregnancy my Mums response was "Oh no!" like I had had an unplanned but it was planned. She thinks DS1 was an opps lol. We lost that one and she said maybe it is for the best. I told her I could not just have one child and that DS needed a sibling close in age and I think she had 'decided for us' that we would have just one more. I got pregnant 4 months later and maybe I subconsiously split the egg into twins just to piss her off. Ha ha ha! My parents have always cared more about other peoples opinions than ours and their 'great reputation in this town' and all their friends children were off into the world having just finished University or going on great OEs. I think they expected me to knuckle down and do the same ASAP after having DS1. Well I proved I am a good Mother and what I am doing is not less than what their parents friends are doing and their friends are delighted when they see my boys and can tell that I am doing a good job with them.

We went into business with my family and Dad said he would not have helped us as much if he had known we were going to start 'breeding'.
OMG yes he actually used the word breeding. It was so hurtful because I thought he was the nicer one of my parents.

Since having the twins both have said that they will not support us if we have any more children and keep talking about DP getting the snip. This is why I need to make sure my last is a girl. Not just for me but if I go through that all again and have a 4th boy I can't bare to think of all the crap I will put up with. At least if it is a girl I can assure them that that is the only reason we wanted another child and that we are now definitely done. I might just say DP had the snip to shut them up.

Maybe I can get them to help us pay for HT. I know they will be against it and will not see it as a valid dream and listen to what is so important to me so if I say I want to but can't so will have to sway maybe it will freak them out and they will help pay. Lol! just kidding... kind of.

[1+2+3boys]

And if she ever puts down my dream and does not even try to understand then I think I will finally crack and give it to her straight. I am passive my nature and although my Mum can be a mega bi-artch sometimes I still love her and don't want to hurt her feelings even though she hurts mine.
I think if she gets negative about my HT dream or treats me like a child with a stupid and unrealistic fantasy I'll just have to tell her
"Well if you are so against me having another child perhaps you should be a better Mum to me so I don't crave a girl so deeply to make my own better Mother/daughter relationship."

[Pebbles&BamBam]

Yes, my SIL...DD even had some serious health issues at 2 months which required hospitalization and monitoring for the first year of her life. SIL never once called or was concerned about DD. SIL also has never once asked to visit or see my DD, and has only one picture of DD and herself (from the day DD was born and someone else took it). Up until now DD has been the only grandchild and her only niece/nephew, so you would think she would take a greater interest. SIL is now preggo with her own child, and as much as we would like to be a part of this childs life, I don't see it really happening, even though the children she has will most likely be my children's only cousins. I guess time will tell. SIL is also causing a lot of stink over the gender of her child, I think she looks down on DD, and is hoping she only has DS, so who knows, maybe if someday she does end up having a DD, she will come around a little more?

[Ugee]

I have nothing to do with my dad. He is a nasty peice of work and always has been. When I told him about my 1st pregnancy he said he didn't want to be a grandad. That was it! I misscaried that baby and heard nothing from him. When He eventually found out I was pregnant again with DS1 he said let's wait and see if you can keep it in for 9 months B4 you get excited!!! Like I was determined to make my life difficult. With DS2 he said I knew this phone call would be to tell me your having another baby...what do you want money? After that conversation (with other nasty things said also) I have never seen or spoken to him again and he has never met his 2nd grandchild! I don't want a nasty person around my children. I put up with him because I had to but they do not and so I cut all ties. From time to time I feel sad they will never know their granddad but then I remember it's for the best and the right choice for our family.