My sway baby is now in Heaven

[daydrmbelievr]

I had an ultrasound last week at 8w3d and there was a beautiful baby with a HB of 161. I was ecstatic. The baby was attached in the left, posterior part of my uterus so I was even more ecstatic. My nausea was verging on unbearable, my face is breaking out, and I feel like a walking b-word. Over all, I felt confident I had my little girl cooking.

My midwife came in the room to chat with me and she dropped a bomb on me: she suspected a molar pregnancy in conjunction with my baby. She ran HcG levels to see if they were too high (which is a symptom of a mole) and they came back on the "high side of normal" (again, I felt the baby would be okay and was a girl with these increased HcG numbers).

I went back today for a follow-up u/s and there was no heart beat. I can't even believe it. I am so shattered and sad right now. I cannot believe I lost a child that is oh-so-wanted. My husband and I both swayed for a few months before we started TTC (which in itself took five months).

I feel like I lost my daughter. I can't quantify it, but I feel that it was a girl and now she's gone.

I don't know where to go from this. They say to wait to TTC six months after a mole. I don't know if I'll ever be able to go through it again.

I never really thought of pregnancy loss before, because I am truly blessed. I have two healthy boys right in front of me, and I never had any reason to be fearful during either one of their pregnancies. I am so sorry that you ladies are also going through this. This is pain that I've always heard others speak of, but I can't even put into words how awful it is.

I go in for a D&C tomorrow. I'm too sad to even be the least bit scared.

Goodbye, baby. You are so loved and missed so much. :Angel:

[True Blue]

I'm so very sorry for you :( how utterly devastating. Wishing you all the strength you need to see you though :sadflwr: sending you love.

[daydrmbelievr]

Thank you, True Blue.

[nuthinbutpink]

So Sorry.

[Adia]

Oh honey, I am so sorry. I have always felt that the loss of a child has to be one of the greatest agonies every known to us. I wish I could say something to ease your grief.
I do know that when others have had these types of loss, part of the void that is left behind is filled when they go on to have healthy pregnancies. You know your body can do it, you just have to decide, in time, if your heart can handle the unknown.

I had a pregnancy that looked good but was found to be an empty sac at 8 weeks. That haunted me for a long time. When I went for my first u/s with this baby I was scared silly, but its all going well so far and I am so grateful. My heart was broken, but its on the mend. I wish the same for you.

Big hugs mama.

[atomic sagebrush]

oh NO, I'm so sorry.

It is very important that you wait after a molar. But the good news is, many times they think they see a molar pg and it turns out not to be, and I believe your HCG levels would tend to be abnormally high if it was truly a molar pg. Praying that this is not the case and hoping that this process turns out to be easy on you. :(

[LacePrincess]

Oh no, I'm so so sorry. :( Thinking of you.

[Junie]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I will be thinking of you today and hope your D&C goes as easy as is possible. (I personally found it fine since you are under for the procedure). Big big hugs, I know my words can't help you feel better but I wish they could.

[Grace]

Oh so sad, I'm sorry . Hope you heal and recover quickly xxx

[Boom]

So so sorry to hear this xxxxxx

[maidentomother]

I am so sorry. :(

[Girlfriend]

Im so sorry Hun, I really hope u find strength to move forward

[The Anchor]

How heart breaking, I'm so so sorry. I hope you are able to find peace...

[Linzshine32]

I am so sorry.

[foxymrsg]

I'm so sorry got your loss

[2boysJustOneGirl]

So sorry. How are you coping now? Sending you warm hugs 💛


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[daydrmbelievr]

I received confirmation today that it was, in fact, a partial molar pregnancy.
My doctor recommends waiting six months after HcG goes back to 0 for three consecutive weeks. She said if my #s fall and stay down, I might be cleared to conceive in late June or July's cycle since my HcG was never too high and I'm already healing well (symptoms gone, feeling non-pregnant. Sigh). Fingers crossed.
Right now, my heart is so shattered. I want to plan my sway on a July estimated date just so my Type-A brain can have something to fantasize about (now I sound nutty, haha).
Thanks for the love and support.

[daydrmbelievr]

Today, I went in for my first post-D&C blood draw (first of like, 20 million it seems) and I found out more awful news.
It was a TWIN molar pregnancy... so, a baby (who we saw the heartbeat for) an a molar twin (the egg that got hit with two sperm).

It is just one blow after another. I am so full of anger and rage I feel like I could explode. If anyone has coping suggestions please send me a message. I'm talking to everyone, leaning on faith and spirituality, letting myself grieve, but I can't go on feeling so angry and sad all the time. I feel just lost. I just want my lucky #3 and knowing that I "can't" get pregnant until this fall is a real kick in the... well, ya know.

[Kittybear]

So sorry for your loss xx

[Babybeaublue]

All you can do is give it time. You have every right to be angry.
I had 4 babies without a problem the bang; 5th pregnancy was a missed mc at 12 weeks. It has made me the most scared, anxious and paranoid pregnant person ever but I couldn't let a mc be my last pregnancy experience.
I really hope time goes quickly for you and you get another beautiful baby (girl!) X

[momamia4]

daydrmbelievr, I am so very sorry for your loss. It is devastating to say the least. After my 1st miscarriage, I read a lot about them. I found it very helpful to read books about it. There are a lot on amazon. Here's a good one: I Never Held You (http://www.amazon.com/Never-Held-You-Miscarriage-Recovery-ebook/dp/B003XNTBIS/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1422144734&sr=8-3&keywords=miscarriage). I also recommend telling supportive family and friends so that they can help you to grieve properly. Plus, you know who else around you has suffered a similar loss and is able to really support you through this horrible time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Junie]

I haven't experienced a molar pregnancy but I know I would be experiencing similar feelings. Not only are you dealing with a loss you're also dealing with all of the complications of a partial molar. There are some great forums for women going through exactly the same thing and I think that can be really helpful in times like these when no one understands. Big hugs to you.

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[Petal]

Im so sorry for your loss :-(

[dreaminginblue]

So sorry for your loss. I lost a sway pregnancy last year and took some time out to recollect my thoughts. Please read up on it when you're ready so you can come to peace with it. Helped me alot to read this forum as well as others to know I wasn't alone as none of my RL friends have experienced losses.

Hugs x

[SamS_TTCPink]

Im so sorry for your loss. :(

[Julia16]

I went through this in 2013. I had a beautiful baby at 8w4d with a strong heartbeat. At the 13 week check up, they could no longer find heartbeat. Called in the ultrasound machine, and I looked at my gorgeous, perfectly formed 12w2d (they guessed) baby. Just passed away....D&E ensued just a week later as I had no signs of miscarriage. Suspected molar pregnancy, followed blood tests for months to be sure I reached 0 and stayed at 0 for an entire month. I got pregnant LITERALLY 3 days after I was given the go ahead to try again (This was only 3 months after D&E).
Make sure you rest. Grieve. And if you can, take those supplements that help fertility and eat nutrient rich foods to recover physically. Emotionally it will take time. Even my new baby that is now here in my arms did not "replace" the one lost. I will be praying you are well, and take time to recover and heal!

[SamS_TTCPink]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have no words as I know there are none that can heal this pain. After having an early m/c in April 2014, followed by a boy/girl twin pregnancy which resulted in losing our daughter at 25 weeks and giving birth to her "born sleeping" and her surviving twin brother just 2 weeks ago, I know the heartbreak all too well, especially as I am in the midst of preparing my angel daughters funeral.

No mother should have to lose a child and a loss is a loss whether it is early in pregnancy or through still birth or childhood. It is just not fair.

Thinking of you. x

[Dana-Alicia]

Just reading this now and am tearing up. I can feel your sadness and despair through the screen :( Hope you are doing better now and wish you a healthy pregnancy in a few months.

[Summerstown]

I am so sorry for your loss xx