Help and Input please!

[Junie]

Hi everyone,

I must admit that I naively thought that I would never be posting here :( Even though I knew miscarriage is normal, happens often, doesn't necessarily mean anything, etc. I just felt so sure after seeing the heartbeat that our baby would make it. I think I had a pretty good sway for the baby we just miscarried; 1 time BDing O+4, on the diet for months, cardio everyday, etc. I rationally KNOW that that doesn't have to be the reason for miscarrying. However my husband and I both believe it didn't help. I'm naturally thin and at the end of the sway process it looked like you could blow me over ;) before I was operating under the rationale that if I get pregnant my body is healthy enough but now I am pretty worried. It was a missed miscarriage at 12 wks (baby believe to have passed sometime between 10-11)and I had a D&C yesterday. I hate that I couldn't trust my body to give me any signs- I still felt pregnant until a few days ago no cramps/spotting/loss of symptoms, etc.

Overall my goal now is healthy baby- but I know you just can't do anything to really prevent a miscarriage. I have been and am taking folic acid, is there anything else I could add?

I just turned 29 (yesterday when we found out the baby didn't make it) and my husband is 33, we have 2 healthy sons which we conceived first month trying- we also conceived that baby that didn't make it first cycle trying. Both my husband and I feel comfortable starting to TTC ASAP, I don't feel like waiting 1-2 months will help me emotionally in any way whatsoever, and I can't find any hard research which shows that I am more likely to miscarry if I try right away opposed to if I wait 1-2 cycles.

I am scared to sway. Which I hate- I think Atomic has created such an awesome site here and I truly believe her advice works but I am really scared. Whether it is rational or not I just don't want to feel like I had something to do with having another miscarriage. We're going on vacation on Tuesday for a week and I am going to eat whatever I like, and take it easy. After that I would like to add 1-2 sway tactics again but as my husband asked me to please not sway I don't want to go as far as I went last time.

For those of you who were in this situation, or who have any advice- what would you recommend doing in the coming days? I feel like as time goes on I may feel comfortable doing more but I do feel a bit weak at this point and don't want to push it.

Thanks so much for any advice. This community has been a real life saver for me. :awe:

[Grace]

Since my mc three weeks ago I've been finding it hard to resume my sway. You could say I'm doing a very light sway. Loose LE diet, vegeterian but not as strict as before. And we're DTDing every four days, hoping to catch that first egg. I feel like my body has wasted a lot of resources getting pregnant (even if it was short) and then going through mc and all the blood loss, so in a way that's also a part of the sway. Take it easy and good luck!

[maidentomother]

I would suggest switching to folate. Not that I think FA had anything to do with your loss, but just bc it is better absorbed and potentially safer/less toxic.

I'd do BD every 3-4 days and stick to 2-3 meals, no snacking, vegetarian, try to just maintain your weight, and choose LE friendly options when possible while avoiding the big blue sway foods (red meat, fatty fish, fortified foods and oats). I think if you can catch the first egg with those 2 pink sway light tactics, you'll gave a good shot at a girl due to being post-MC. Fx it happens fast.

[dollych]

I'm so so sorry for your loss xxxxx
I really understand what you are going through and all I can say is it wasn't your fault because you swayed, please don't blame yourself....... I know you are probably thinking that is easy for me to say, but it is true because I went through the exact same thing last year and I know exactly how you are feeling/ thinking right now and what you are going through xx.
I swayed pink for months after having my two gorgeous boys. I was desperate for a Girl ( still am) to complete our family and did a really really strict sway and stuck to everything atomic advised.
My diet was very boy friendly so I changed everything. Like you, I lost a lot of weight ( i was 9stone 5lbs to start with and went dwon to 8 stone 5 lbs) I was very skinny and felt very unhealthy, but I knew that I was doing it all for a reason and it was what I had to do to get my Girl.

I went for an early scan at 8 weeks to see if everything was ok with baby and we saw a very strong heartbeat :)
The sonogropher said all appeared to be fine and it was a very very strong heartbeat, but was only measuring 6 weeks. I knew right then that something was wrong and told her. She was adamant that baby was ok and I had got my dates wrong, but I knew my dates were spot on because we only DTD once that month and I knew when my last LMP was as we were swaying.
Because I was so adamant that there was something wrong, she said I could go back a week later and have another scan free of charge.

Anyway, a week later ( I would have been 9 weeks) on the morning of the scheduled re-scan, i started spotting. I went to the scan anyway, but knew deep down that I had lost my baby.
The sonogropher confirmed that I had miscarried 2 days after the scan the week before.

Words cannot describe the guilt, hurt and pain I felt after the miscarriage and I blamed myself because I had swayed and I had caused the miscarriage because of the diet I was on and it was because I was so unhealthy.

I wanted to reply to you, to help you feel a little better and understand that swaying did not cause your miscarriage.
I spoke with numerous doctors and my consultant after the miscarriage and was honest with them and told them about my sway and my diet.
All of them said there is no way that the sway and diet caused the miscarriage and it is all down to chromosones and how the baby develops that caused the miscarriage. A diet before conception would not cause this. Also you would have started to eat healthy after you found out you were pregnant which would have helped baby so it could possibly be down to the chromosones and something that was wrong at the time of conception..... that is what my docs said anyway.

Like you, I wanted to try straightaway again and though to myself that I would have a lighter sway because my husband was mad at me for swaying.......... in the end I waited a month and thought a lot about the diet.
I beat myself up and just thought I have to go back on the diet again because if I don't, I will have another Boy and wanted to give it my best shot as this was our last baby.

So like you, we went on holiday. I took a month off, eat what I wanted ( but still no snacking, not a lot of meat) and enjoyed myself and tried to forget about swaying.

I would say to you, go on holiday, enjoy yourself and eat what you want then just start again when you come back xx

I started swaying again a month later and it took 4 months to get pregnant this time ( 2 cycles with the miscarried baby)
I am currently 27 weeks pregnant with my 3rd Boy.
I feel awful to write this, but I was devastated when I found out it was another Boy after all I had done. I am coming to terms with it now and know I will love him with all my heart when he is born like I adore my 2 boys.
I do have days when I think, what did i do wrong with my sway??, I know I did everything I could, but I believe things are meant to be and I was supposed to have 3 boys!!....... maybe in the future I will have a little princess.

I just wanted to say, maybe have a break and then start the sway again when you feel ready.
I wish you all the luck and really really hope you get you're little Pink bundle and please do not think it was your fault and you did not cause the miscarriage, unfortunately miscarriages are so common and nothing we can do can prevent them.

Sorry this post is so long, but hopefully it will help you xx

Good luck xxx

[The Anchor]

Junie, how devastating, and on your birthday no less. My heart goes out to you.

I lost baby #3 at 12 weeks. It was awful and it still stings. Nobody can tell you what your next steps should be, follow your heart. HUGE HUGS.

[Junie]

Thanks SO SO much ladies. I feel like you really understand where I am coming from. I have so many conflicting emotions regarding swaying and think on the one hand it is no big deal to go back on the diet for hopefully only a few weeks but then I think how much I have been enjoying eating what I am hungry for and it is hard. The one thing I am 95% sure about is that after 2 weeks and an ultrasound with my Dr to check if everything is OK we will start doing BD every 4 days again.

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[Junie]

At this point I've decided I will go back on the diet. My husband loves to eat healthy anyway and thinks the no snacking thing is great. I'm still feeling some pain so I am not ready to add cardio back in, but I might in 2 weeks. I'm not going to calorie count but will just do 2-3 meals, no snacking, avoid meat,BD every 4 days, and skip breakfast during the week. I'm going to take iron and zinc for a week, and then just stick to my folic acid. I'm also going to take red raspberry leaf tea twice a day until my ultrasound appt in a little under 2 weeks to help build my uterus lining back up.

I can't know for sure but I believe part of the reason the baby held on so long is that is was our girl. I feel like if I did it once I can do it again. I'm still very very scared about having another miscarriage but I'm not willing to let that keep me from TTC. I'm hopeful that my Dr. will be positive at my appt. He is a pretty good guy but they all seem to be so cautious when it comes to TTC after miscarriage and I would hate to have another miscarriage and have him say- told you so.

[atomic sagebrush]

I am not gonna try to argue you out of it, I understand the feelings are natural but just know that I personally do not believe that the majority of miscarriages have anything to do with swaying or I wouldn't be here doing all this. :)

Above all else STICK with the one attempt. That's gotten great results and has nothing to do with any possible loss.

If you aren't already I would add in 150 IU iodine. (provided you do not have thyroid issues)

I have my full thread on swaying after a loss including a full analysis of what elements in swaying may possibly contribute to miscarriage here http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/29504-guide-swaying-after-miscarriage.html

[Boom]

Do what feels right. It's good that you feel the swaying worked for you and that you want to pursue it.
Hope that your cycle sorts itself out soon so you can carry on TTC with confidence xxxxx

[Junie]

I am not gonna try to argue you out of it, I understand the feelings are natural but just know that I personally do not believe that the majority of miscarriages have anything to do with swaying or I wouldn't be here doing all this. :)

Above all else STICK with the one attempt. That's gotten great results and has nothing to do with any possible loss.

If you aren't already I would add in 150 IU iodine. (provided you do not have thyroid issues)

I have my full thread on swaying after a loss including a full analysis of what elements in swaying may possibly contribute to miscarriage here http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/29504-guide-swaying-after-miscarriage.html

Thanks Atomic!! I totally believe that it was probably a problem with the baby and had nothing to do with my sway. I think initially I was worried that I had caused it somehow but after reading more about everything (and everything you have ever written on the subject LOL) I no longer believe that to be the case. I think I just got unlucky and it happened to coincide with a time while I was swaying.

[atomic sagebrush]

If any doctor EVER said I told you so after a miscarriage, get a new doctor.

Doctors are funny because they love to tell people easy things to do that they have no responsibility for - like "take prenatals, wait x number of cycles after a loss" etc but really these things aren't even evidence based, they're just things that are easy for people to do and the doctor can't take any blame for.

I do generally think that if you've had a D and C it's better to wait it out a cycle anyway and I have a guide in that thread I posted about how long to waitdepending on when your loss was.

[Junie]

I know I should wait a cycle. I do. I just don't know if we will. We're going to try but we both just feel like we lost so much time. My husband even said he wished I had convinced him earlier as we would have loved the three year spacing to our youngest. However who knows how long it will take for my HCG levels to drop, I know for some women it takes months...

[2boysJustOneGirl]

Junie I was in your exact mind frame a short while ago and all I can say about my loss is that everything is very unpredictable and confusing. My body was sending so many signals at once I don't have a clue what it meant and then less than 4 weeks after my D&C a period happened and I was more devastated than at the time of my loss. Somehow that made it official- I didn't catch the first egg and now I had to sway again and that literally broke me. I didn't have a lot of fight left at that point. I am slowly rebuilding my strength and it helps now that I no longer have all the pregnancy symptoms- you will feel different in a week or two, I would bet on it. It just takes time. Having a miscarriage changed how I felt about swaying and gender desire- I have become much less anxious about it all and maybe that was all part of the plan? Something to think about anyway. ((Hugs))


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[Kirsty2805]

Hi Junie

so sorry for your loss.

I don't know if you remember but a few months ago we were swaying together and you commented on my posts. We must've both got pregnant at the same time, I also lost my baby - an early scan revealed a blighted ovum then I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks but needed a D and C to complete. I lost a lot of weight too and was skinny to start with I also wonder if coming off my prenatal and taking folic acid only didn't do me much good. Anyway I have introduced fish again, am having breakfast and taking my normal pre-natal now and will try again next month. As Atomic has said a lot with girls it's 1 attempt only that is having a lot of success so I will make that my mantra (as I did last time!) It worked for me with my daughter and I didn't change my diet too much then, I was veggie and ate fish. So that's what I'm doing this time!

All I can say is that everyone I know falls again really quickly after a miscarriage so I bet you will too! Good luck honey and lets keep in touch xx

[Junie]

Hi Kirsty! I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. They are awful aren't they? I like your mantra! Also having the miscarriage is in our favor so I'm trying to not to stress too much. I have dropped breakfast but that is easy for me as I do it even when not swaying quite often. I'm trying to go veggie but haven't gone 100%. I'm also doing no snacking which is driving me crazy LOL :D

I hope this coming cycle brings you a sticky baby girl :D

[tm29]

I know I should wait a cycle. I do. I just don't know if we will. We're going to try but we both just feel like we lost so much time. My husband even said he wished I had convinced him earlier as we would have loved the three year spacing to our youngest. However who knows how long it will take for my HCG levels to drop, I know for some women it takes months...

I feel so much sympathy for you. I lost my baby at 10 weeks - found out at the 12 week scan. We're swaying blue, so we have to wait 2 cycles to try again. To add to this delay and misery, I had to have the d and c repeated 3 times - because they kept missing a bit. Awful. I was bleeding Dec 9th - Jan 10th! But even with all this, my HCG levels came right down and I think I'm now ovulating. I hate the idea of swaying AGAIN - I feel fat and overstuffed and muscular and I can't fit into anything - but when i see yet another friend have a scan and get the gender you'd predict on the basis of their diet, I am CONVINCED. As much as I hate to admit it at this point - with aT LEAST ten weeks to wait before I can even ttc.

Huge, massive bags of sympathy and pink dust.

[Junie]

TM- 3 times???!!?? Oh my gosh you poor thing, what a nightmare. Do you think if you eat really HE and do lots of supplements that you could try after one cycle? The waiting must be awful however I completely understand not being able to let go of the sway. With the results I've seen here I just can't ignore what I know. Big big hugs from me. I'll gladly send you truckloads of blue dust :)

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[atomic sagebrush]

;) no she can't!! LOL

[Junie]

Listen to Atomic, I'm a terrible influence!! :D

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[tarasue]

I feel every word you girls write! My mc is almost like a nightmare, did that really happen to me? I should be ovulating any minute, fx:)

My sway is weak and I wish I would have been better about the diet since my mc. I skip breakfast and snacks, but haven't limited or even counted proteins. My cardio is still going strong, 70+ min 5-6x a week. So maybe there is still a chance for a pink rainbow baby!

I also did 50mg clomid this cycle. I pray that gets me a big strong egg!! I saw a full double rainbow the day after my d&c, I took it as a sign that my rainbow baby will come!

[atomic sagebrush]

Remember, both exercise and diet sway on their own, you don't necessarily need to do both.

Exercise + Clomid is still a good pink sway even without diet.

[tm29]

Listen to Atomic, I'm a terrible influence!! :D

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You're not! You're sweet. But sadly it does seem like I need to sit it out. Ugh. It's really hard. I did a very careful sway last time, too. But there is no point in thinking that way. Got to fight!

[tm29]

I wish you all the best of luck junie and tarasue with sway number 2. It sounds like the way the body is after mc is really pink friendly. I really hope you all get your little girls.

fx I can regain what I lost in the next 8 weeks or so and then try for my little boy.

[tarasue]

Let your body heal, then get at it:)
Sending all my blue baby dust your way!!!

[girliedreamz]

Big hugs! I know that guilty feeling. After two back-to-back losses, I was questioning everything I did, wondering if something had caused the mc. The truth is, it's likely something that I had no control over at all.

I second the advice of folate. On the off chance your body isn't absorbing folic acid well, this is an easy change that *could* make a lot of difference.

[atomic sagebrush]

I wish you all the best of luck junie and tarasue with sway number 2. It sounds like the way the body is after mc is really pink friendly. I really hope you all get your little girls.

fx I can regain what I lost in the next 8 weeks or so and then try for my little boy.

Remember though, the numbers in our stats were people who were SWAYING pink, not just the random number across the population (let alone swaying blue!) Even though I do want you to wait as per our prev. conversations, people DO get boys after losses, it's in no way a magic bullet.

[Junie]

I can't speak for others but I can also say that my 12 weeks of pregnancy were basically a pink sway as I felt so sick that I was barely able to eat anything and only took folic acid (my Dr. thinks the pregnancy multivitamins are unnecessary) who knows when I get pregnant and what I will have but I could imagine morning sickness being one reason for the higher pink statistics.

I bet the wait will be great for your body. I hope you are able to keep yourself distracted and then you get to sway for a cute winter boy :)

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[tm29]

Thanks Junie. Here's hoping 2015 is your year - and mine. I don't have time on my side! Why didn't I find the right guy earlier?!! I now suddenly want 3 kids and I am going to need a lot of luck to pull that off. Still not feeling all that lucky after what happened.

A 'cute winter boy' like you say would be my DREAM COME TRUE. Tiny winter girl in mittens and a pink woolly hat for you. (It is true the girly clothes are a lot of fun :) You'll be wasting all your money soon enough, I'm sure)

[Junie]

Don't worry boy moms love to obsess and plan so you have that on your side ;) In the end I think we have to remember that a few months give or take won't make a difference in the grand scheme of things. You have the right guy and that makes raising the kids so much more enjoyable. I'm sure it will all work out for you.
I don't know how old you are but a friend of mine had her boys at 38 and 40 (she didn't sway but is pretty much the text book boy mom). So there is no reason to think that time has run out :)

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[atomic sagebrush]

^^^ agree TM and I have thought before you are more a "boy mom" in approach. :)