Some support, please...

[hanseer]

Hi Ladies,

I could really use some support and so I'm turning to all of you. Outside of this site, no one knows that I'm TTC, much less swaying for pink.

This is our 3rd month trying and I got a BFN this morning. I'm just feeling really down.

What we did this month:

-This cycle, we DTD every other day starting CD7, including the night of +OPK and then we stopped. I did get extremely sick with the flu the night of the +OPK and had a fever for a couple of days.

-We did use just a few drops of Sylk each time we DTD. No female orgasm, no J&D.

-Stuck close to LE Veggie Diet - I've lost nearly 10lbs since starting this diet, it's the lowest I've been in over 10 years.

-Cardio 5-6x a week for ~45min

-Peppermint tea daily till +OPK - I was doubling up the tea bags and having 3-4 cups a day

-Folic, 1200 mcg a day

-Fiber, I'm taking 2 pills a day

-Low dose aspirin daily - I started Aspirin this month as it seemed to have good results and I've been tolerating it well

-DH is taking OLE and wearing briefs

Moving forward:

I think I'm going to drop Pep tea and Sylk (I was only using a a few drops anyway) this month and use either Preseed or Conceive plus. I also think I'm going to add more attempts around +OPK - maybe even SPEM.

I feel like I don't have much to sway with anymore as I've dropped nearly everything. I used SPEM and Preseed when we conceived our DS and I really don't want to go there but I feel like I have no other choice.

I know, I know I shouldn't add even more attempts but I'm so sad about not conceiving yet.

Questions:

1. For ladies who were over 35 (I'm 36 and DH is 37) when they conceived, how long did it take you?

2. Anyone use SPEM and sperm friendly lube and get a girl?

I could really use some hope right now....

[bunnywabbit]

I'm in my late thirties and started TTC in January/February and conceived in May but lost it. Conceived again in August and lost it again. Third time lucky conceived at the end of September (by then because of the miscarriges and for other personal reasons I had pretty much stopped swaying and decided just to try for a baby without regard for gender).

I was using Sylk for a while but saliva can work too! Your time will come soon, hang in there... x

[kitkat18]

Hanseer I know you feel!
I am 36 and 28 weeks pregnant with my DD.
It took me four cycles to conceive but I was on the diet for about 7 months! Its safe to say I was well over it. If you want to drop stuff I would deft. drop asprin, peppermint tea, antihistamines if you have been using it, sylk.

At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you! I personally would drop those three tactics and see how you go if you still haven't conceived then maybe do every four days plus an additional attempt at pos opk.

I ended up on cycle 4 doing this but I knew the risks ( drops to 60-65% chance of girl rather than 70% with one attempt) and had come to terms with the fact I could well have just conceived a boy.
It also helped me to take a break from this forum and analysing my every mouthful and sway I really believe chilling out a bit helped get my DD as well.
Good luck XXX

[Boom]

Do you want a girl or just a baby? I have no strength to sway but from what I've seen on this site the best things are diet, exercise and ONE attempt for a girl sway.

[djmommy]

Just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I know how tough it is, believe me. I am on cycle 12! Been doing the atomic fertility diet for about 4 cycles and if I get another BFN :( this month not sure what I will do. Good luck!!!

[Junie]

Hi!! Big hugs TTC can be SO hard without swaying and swaying definitely pushes it over the edge some days.

Personally I would try going for BDing every 4 days + 1 additional time at +OPK. I know that when it doesn't work right away you really feel pressure to keep adding attempts but I don't think this is going to help you get your girl and honestly I don't even know if it will help you get pregnant faster. I think Atomic will probably have a tip for you for the best lube to use when attempting a pink sway.

Hang in there!!!

[maidentomother]

Are you temping? If not, maybe your attempts haven't been well timed. Only one of my first 4 cycles TTC had decent timing, and that wasn't even great at 3 days before O. I always conceived easily and quickly in the past, mostly while trying to AVOID getting pregnant. So I know how you feel, and I'm currently on my 7th cycle TTC pink! Or, if you consider timing, I have only 3 cycles behind me with one attempt well timed.

I definitely think you are being too impatient and definitely shouldn't be sdding attempts. It just takes longer to conceive girls. Like Boom asked, do you just want a baby or do you want a girl?

I'd drop pep tea and sylk for sure, drop exercise completely (45 min sounds too close to blue IMO), STAY STRICT on the diet, and BD every 3 days. I personally think that is more pink friendly than every 4 days + one attempt at positive OPK.Though honestly, if I were you, I'd still be doing one attempt. A minimal amount of sperm friendly lube if you're dry is fine.

[atomic sagebrush]

I don't want you to go from what you're doing RIGHT to SMEP plus girl friendly lube. I really really think you're going from doing too much (still) to swaying totally blue without a stopover anywhere in between.

I know it's hard to get your mind around it when you're in it, but 3 months is NOTHING. It is totally normal for fully fertile couples doing nothing to sway, on average 6 months to get pregnant.

Things I would tweak: No more Sylk. IF you need a lube, use a small amount of Preseed.

No more peppermint tea.

Wean off aspirin or at least back to 3 days a week.

PLEASE do not add more attempts. You have got to keep this in perspective, hun. What you're gearing up to do, is to have done all this work and effort and just bascially now take your chances (if not even sway blue).

To answer your questions, I got my 3rd son at 36, doing everything to sway blue (I didn't know about swaying then, just wanted to get pregnant) and it still took me 2 months. I had a much better attempt the first month but didn't get pregnant, because some months it's just not "the egg.". My 4th son took 3 months but I wasn't ovulating a couple months because I was BF. My daughter took 6 months. Point being, it is NORMAL not to get pregnant that first month.

[hanseer]

Thank you SO SO much for all your support, ladies. You nameless, faceless sisters are really my rock right now and helps so much to hear from all of you.

It's. So HARD. Seeing a BFN month after month.

I do want a girl - as Atomic has said "You can't get a DD if you can't get prego." but she also just told me "you're going from doing too much (still) to swaying totally blue without a stopover anywhere in between." So I will go for the stopover. Atomic, you're a wise woman.


I ordered a CBFM off of eBay today for a pretty good price to better help me with tracking and trying to time my attempt. I was taking vitex for during cycle 2 and it totally screwed up my usually clockwork-like cycles and OPK readings.

I will drop pep tea, sylk, and reduce aspirin 3x a week.

I actually feel really good about my diet and sticking to a LE veggie plan.

As for exercising - I do want to keep that up. I'm a little confused as to how 45 min sways blue but 60 min sways pink. Surely, 15 min doesn't make that much of a difference? I usually go high-impact and it takes like 10 min to get my heart rate back down.

Atomic - can you please comment on exercise? Is it 60 min or nothing?

[maidentomother]

The CBFM (though CBAD is even better!) REALLY helped me, I credit it completely with being able to time my last 2 cycles of one attempt ideally at 1-2 days before O.

Re:exercise, we don't know for sure, but the theory is that 30 min sways blue, 60+ min sways pink. So I think 45 minutes is too close to blue, as it's going the full 60 min without break that exhausts your muscles, and doing so every day without a day off is optimal for preventing any chance of your muscles (re)building. You want to keep your body feeling tired and rundown, and I feel that's difficult to achieve without the full 60 min, minimum, of cardio. And I've seen how moderate, or not quite intense exercise, sways blue. So I'd rather be a total sedentary sloth than risk that. Btw, you don't need to do such high impact cardio. In fact, lower impact but for longer is much pinker. High impact, especially for shorter periods of time sways blue. But just walking briskly & steadily for 1-2 hours, that's ideal for pink. It sounds like you're pushing yourself too hard, tiring yourself out instead of just raising your heartbeat a bit and aiming for slow and steady endurance.

[CurlyPie]

Maiden - you're saying BD every 3 days is better than every 4 to ttc pink?

[atomic sagebrush]

RE the exercise question - your body runs out of quick burning carbs after about 45 minutes. At that point, it starts burning off stores and there is something about this process that sways pink in a big, big way (it's also the point of skipping breakfast - we want our bodies to have to live off their stores because that seems to send that signal that a girl pg is desirable). So when you exercise for 45 minutes, you quit right before you're geting to the part that sways pink. So you run the risk that you're building muscle via exercise for no benefit.

The fact is, you can get a girl or a boy doing any amount of exercise if you have the right kind of diet. You can get away with 45 min if you're really strict on LE Diet, and you can get a boy doing 4 hours of exercise if you're eating 3000-4000 cals a day. But this is all about optimizing chances, and I believe (strongly) that the best results are gonna come from 60+ minutes of exercise, 6-7 days a week.

[atomic sagebrush]

Maiden - you're saying BD every 3 days is better than every 4 to ttc pink?

No, but some people have to resort to that instead if they don't get pregnant with every 4 days.

[hanseer]

Okay, I'll raise the cardio to 60min, another 15 min is nothing. All I have now is the diet and exercise as I've dropped everything else this cycle (save for folic acid and fiber).

FX that's enough. Oh, and that goldie makes an appearance.

[XXforhubby]

GL! That is all I am doing, basically, and I am on cycle 7!

FX for you! I know how rough it can be getting BFN after BFN. Hang in there and know that it will happen when it is supposed to. Trust in that. I believe when we take things so hard, it somehow effects us in ways that slows down what we want to happen. It seems when we let go and not let things bring us down, what we want happens. I am still working on this too, but I do believe that we will get our babies!


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[hanseer]

Thanks xxforhubby. How long did it take for you to conceive your 2 DS?

FX for you!

[XXforhubby]

DS1 was a OHW and DS2 took 2 cycles. Hopefully since I am now on cycle 7 that means I have a much better shot at giving DH a DD. I feel myself changing so much, since swaying for a girl so long. I am much more relaxed and at peace with it taking the time it needs to for us to conceive a DD, or another DS. I don't micromanage or get uptight about things that I used to try and control.

FX for you that you'll conceive your DD soon! I just know it will happen for you!


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[maidentomother]

No, every 4 days is definitely more pink friendly than every 3 days, but I would go to every 3 days over every 4 days plus one attempt at positive OPK, bc that can sway quite blue if you end up having 2 attempts close together.

I really agree with XX, more time swaying/on the diet (and for sure exercise) can really affect you psychologically, I feel in a good way. Part if it has been consciously letting things go, not pursuing drama, just going with the flow as much as possible vs trying to micromanage everything. But I feel most is due to the diet/so long TTC.

[atomic sagebrush]

DS1 was a OHW and DS2 took 2 cycles. Hopefully since I am now on cycle 7 that means I have a much better shot at giving DH a DD. I feel myself changing so much, since swaying for a girl so long. I am much more relaxed and at peace with it taking the time it needs to for us to conceive a DD, or another DS. I don't micromanage or get uptight about things that I used to try and control.

FX for you that you'll conceive your DD soon! I just know it will happen for you!


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This is the weird, hidden benefit of having to "sway on" longer for pink. It starts to become less of a big exciting obsession and more of a "same old, same old" and I also experienced this feeling of fatalism and calm coming over me (entirely foreign)

Interestingly, I sometimes get frustrated with some of the blue swayers - not all, but some - because they are incredibly fatalistic and not always willing to do what it takes to get their DS and just seem to want to have it happen almost magically without any level of discomfort or sacrifice (and just as an aside, I also get frustrated with some pink swayers too for other reasons LOL) but only mentioning it because I do find it interesting. Some of the blue swayers get frustrated with me and they're all like "why aren't you helping me more!!" while pink swayers are like "what more can I do??" and poring over sways and calling me out on why I didn't include this, that, or the other thing, which blue swayers NEVER do! :)

[belleboi]

This is the weird, hidden benefit of having to "sway on" longer for pink. It starts to become less of a big exciting obsession and more of a "same old, same old" and I also experienced this feeling of fatalism and calm coming over me (entirely foreign)

Interestingly, I sometimes get frustrated with some of the blue swayers - not all, but some - because they are incredibly fatalistic and not always willing to do what it takes to get their DS and just seem to want to have it happen almost magically without any level of discomfort or sacrifice (and just as an aside, I also get frustrated with some pink swayers too for other reasons LOL) but only mentioning it because I do find it interesting. Some of the blue swayers get frustrated with me and they're all like "why aren't you helping me more!!" while pink swayers are like "what more can I do??" and poring over sways and calling me out on why I didn't include this, that, or the other thing, which blue swayers NEVER do! :)

Beg to differ! LOL

I pored over every single blue sway, and the ONLY thing I could have done more is to have had one more attempt in my fertile window. I'm pretty sure I bombed you with no less than half a dozen questions within my first 3 days of being here. But, I think I've always had more of a "boy mom" personality. I just happen to have two girls bc of my lifestyle before, really. Lots of dieting, lots of cardio, diet coke/coffee addiction, etc.

I am most definitely a Martha, hopefully this little bean cooking in here will be my proof, lol.

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes exactly - I almost deleted that response before I posted but yes there are many all-girl moms that are Marthas and did get girls via diet, exercise, etc!

My intention is not to make girl or boy moms feel self-conscious or defensive about any behavior patterns they may or may not have, or that I am calling anyone out in any way, it is just something I have noticed with a segment of the blue swayers that I really haven't seen as much with the pink swayers. :)

[belleboi]

You're invaluable. I honestly love reading your observations here, because they really are true IRL. I think about my all boy mom friends and all girl mom friends and, for the most part, you are totally spot on. No hurt feelings here, I'm sure it's very Martha of me to even say anything in the first place. I literally LOL right after I sent that response to you, because of course I would HAVE TO say something. :hide:

[atomic sagebrush]

:) I'm glad you did because I was able to clarify further than I had to begin with, which is always very helpful. :) People are all very unique individuals, I'm just looking for any trend that pops out at me not because I want to put them into categories but just because I want to know how this bizness works!