Making me so much worse....

[CattyPad]

There are two things that are making my horrific GD so much worse...what are your opinions according to your experience...?

1/ everyone else is disappointed too. I told my mum it's another boy and she said "how horrid for you" and laughed. My brothers was the same. Acquaintances etc all say "oooh shame".
Worse thing is, I agree with them all.

2/everyone around me is having/pregnant with girls. When I had my DS everyone was having boys so I was a bit comforted by it (I know it's stupid but it made me feel less lonely in my misery and I had no one to be jealous of).

[Kittybear]

In general, people say stupid, thoughtless things, either because they think it is funny, they are do not realise how hurtful the stupid, thoughtless things are or they are stupid and thoughtless.

I had a very similar experience during my DS 2 pregnancy with people making comments about my unborn boy. It p*$$ed me right off! I told me husband about the things people said (women and men, colleagues, friends, strangers in the street/ supermarket etc) and he was pretty shocked as people were only congratulatory to him, and as he is the elder of 2 boys, this was a 'normal' situation for him. Tbh he is quite a big lad though so maybe they didn't make any derogatory remarks for fear of him decking them... (Don't that he would of course! Lol) ;)

My mum made some ill judged comments during both ds1 and ds2 pregnancy until she found me crying on my bed and I told her about my GD. She was brilliant; understanding, non judgmental and appalled that any silly remark from her could have hurt me and made my depression worse. I don't know if this is an option for you, but having her know really helped me.

I promise you that NOW is the worst bit. Once you see him and hold him, the baby made from the love of you and your DH, who chose you to be his mama, you will see your child. He may have a willy but that doesn't define him! He's 50% you still, and he might have your eyes, hair, complexion, curve of your lips etc. :)

How's this for everyone having girls: my 2 NCT mummy friends who had boys first time round, and were team green pregnancies, both had girls within a month or 2 of me. Also, my local area post natal group has 12 babies in; 3 are boys. Now I see why my sway 'failed'; even the best sway can't fight evolutionary statistics ;) I'm making light of it, and both situations stung like a b*tch at the time, but now... Meh. Yes they are girls. But they are just girls. They are not MY baby, who is the most gorgeous of all of them together. ;)

You will be ok Hun. I think it was Adia who said 'fake it till you make it'. And if people are rude, start calling them out! Insulting an unborn child is appalling, and remind them that you are giving your big boy the best present he could ever have!

I know this wasn't your idea of 'perfect' but your boys are perfect, and one day this will be a distant memory.

Stay strong sweetie. Xxx

[zahararose]

This was 100% my experience last time - I felt like I disappointed everyone and that made me feel even worse! Aargh - other people are the worst part of GD!!! I speak up now when I hear the stupid comments about all boys etc and just say how thrilled we are to have them and how the first is so great we just wanted another just the same! Not always how I felt but it is now and I agree that people have no right to insult your perfect gorgeous wonderful baby, now or ever and they deserve to be called out on it! Your boys will be so perfect and so different from each other that this will seem a distant memory, but I'm sorry it's so hard right now. Be extra kind to yourself and that gorgeous big boy of yours and I promise this will pass :)

[Mum4life]

When ppl would make comments about it being another boy and not a girl i would get pretty angry with them tbh. I was allowed to feel a bit of disappointment but they weren't, because this baby is special and he is mine and be damned if you say anything even remotely negative about him. They soon stopped making comments. Or if i made a comment i would get well they're healthy and thats all that matters-well yes of course, that goes without saying, doesn't it? Either way you can't win. I still struggle with number 2 daily. Constantly gets thrown in my face (not deliberately) that others are having girls etc. and apparently i don't make girls

[CattyPad]

Apparently I don't make girls either mum4life, or so says my mother in law :nono: (which apparently it's just not true, atomic replied to this in one of my other threads). We are actually telling the inlaws tonight it's a boy and I am sure she will be ever so pleased (she favours boys over girls strongly)'which actually will annoy me tons too (they can't win can they ;)

[Mum4life]

Ppl are so mean at times :/

[Magical22]

So much pressure to have a girl to please everyone else!! Make me think if I had no one in the world to impress friends family no one who would make any negative comments, no defending my child before they are even born or people feeling sorry for me, would I care as much about wanting a girl....


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[Magical22]

Have to admit before my babys and learning all these things i occasionally made those comments not meaning anything by it but it was just a normal reaction I suppose. Now when I see a mum with 3 boys or something I always say wow 3 boys you are so lucky!!


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[Mum4life]

I actually ran into my ex BIL (who i haven't seen for ages) today just in passing, and we had a quick chat. And i was like 'oh i've got 3 boys now?' He was like 'you are so lucky to have 3 boys'....he has a girl and a boy, so that took me aback a bit because a lot of ppl look at me like i have 2 heads when i say i have 3 boys

[Magical22]

Always refreshing to hear [emoji5]️


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[Adia]

This is really an example of where "fake it 'til you make it" is important for both you and those around you.

If I did it all over again, when people gave me the horrid comments and terrible looks when I said "Girl #3" I would have given them the most bewildered look and said very flatly, "What's wrong with girls?"

Unfortunately, I still have to use that now, but not as much as when I was prego with DD3. The comment doesn't say you are thrilled, it is just challenging the persons stupidity and lack of tact.

My heart goes out to you, but I REALLY think if you start faking it, you will feel a little better. You will eventually attract that type of energy too and then it won't be so hard.

Their is an end to this dark tunnel of GD, I promise. Hang in there.

[CattyPad]

Thanks guys,
I have to admit, the comments at the moment are a bit 50/50, sometimes I just make a joke like "yes, another boy, I ordered a girl this time but my husband didn't quite get it right" and most people comment on how nice itll be for the boys to have each other, so maybe, me saying it in a fun manner brings better reactions?

I have managed to buy a couple of outfits for the new baby, and also I have even toying with the idea of maaaaaybe having a third which seems to be helping a bit. I just guess until this little one is born I am going to feel sad, so yes fake it til you make it it is for now....

Thanks for the support, I honestly appreciate it.

[Mum4life]

If it helps ds1 and 2 are really close, and ds1 is always helping ds2 with things.. its not uncommon for me to walk in and see them virtually sitting on top of each other, playing a game or watching a movie. DS1 is always mollycoddling him like a little mother hen haha. They have a great bond, it is very heart warming. ds3 just absolutely adores both of his 2 older brothers and i just melt when he looks at them and just smiles and laughs. Its just such a big soppy 'i love you so much' grin from him, and he is only 5 months! i can't help but feel so lucky <3 I think the disappointment wears off a bit when you know you have another chance at a girl as well. Thinking of you, and i hope its gets easier

[Magical22]

Yeah I'm sure the mum of the hemsworth boys doesn't get GD or any nasty comments :)


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[atomic sagebrush]

Apparently I don't make girls either mum4life, or so says my mother in law :nono: (which apparently it's just not true, atomic replied to this in one of my other threads). We are actually telling the inlaws tonight it's a boy and I am sure she will be ever so pleased (she favours boys over girls strongly)'which actually will annoy me tons too (they can't win can they ;)

Trust me, if a woman who has made 4 boys over 21 years can get a girl (ME) you don't only make boys! :) I know a woman who got a girl after 8 boys!!!

[CattyPad]

Atomic, I have had a question preying on my mind since my failed sway: IF we decided to go for a third....I remember once you saying that to get a baby of the opposite gender to what you already have you should do the opposite to what you did then. So what do you do after a failed sway?
Thanks :)

[Dreamofpink]

Sorry I can't post a link from my phone but Atomic has an essay on this called "when sways attack!" It's a great read & will hopefully answer some of your questions :)

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[CattyPad]

Thank you I will take a look!!

[Claire33]

Cattypad, I've been through this not once but twice. I just told people "We're getting another boy, exactly as we thought!", with a huge smile on my face. So most people don't dare to make a negative comment after that. Of course I've had my fair share of comments about having only boys, but when announcing another boy-baby, with a huge smile on my face and letting everyone know that we were excited about it, usually stops people from saying nasty things. Comments will always come when you least expect it, but in time you learn to live with it and shake it off, instead of letting it go straight to the heart.