Annoying comments when you actually get your DG?

[Claire33]

Right now I'm in a situation I thought I'd never be in, which is actually getting my DG. I'm in a state of disbelief. I'm not even sure if I should post this, as I've been on "the other side" for so long that I don't want to be smug or hurt anyone's feelings with this "complaint". But I just wonder if other people in my situation recognize this? Only me and DH know of my GD, I've never let a shimmer of it show to anyone else. And now that we're getting our DG, I find myself getting annoyed at other people's comments and excitement about this being a girl. Just as I did when they once commented on "yet another boy" in my previous pregnancies, or "hopefully a girl this time" comments. This time people are so excited that I feel myself getting annoyed at them. Would they not be excited if it was another boy? How would they react if this was a 4th boy? Are my 3 boys not good enough for them? I just downplay the whole thing and pretend it's not a big deal. Of course it's a big deal for me, but it's none of their business. If they just said "Oh, that's nice, a girl after 3 boys" it would be okay. But they are jumping up and down for joy and getting all teary-eyed, so I just look away and pretend I don't see it. Again, I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, I've lived in the GD-world for 8 years, so I really don't want to offend anyone or seem ungrateful. I am very grateful, but I feel like I am still living with the effects of GD, and am feeling very protective over my sons at the moment. I might even consider to pretend to be Team Green from now on, just in order to avoid the overly joyous reactions of people, because I feel it's unfair to my sons. Does anyone have any similar experiences?

[tweedledeedum]

Yep, it totally annoyed me too. I didn't tell anyone until the birth but comments like 'what will you do if you have another boy?' from a relative with a pp really hurt. Like my boys arent good enough. And the over joy after the birth was totally felt too. it's hard. It has gotten a lot better since the birth/newborn phase and I really don't think much about it now, almost 3 years later..

[WannaGirl]

Maybe they have experienced or know people who experienced GD also? My 5yo actually asked if I wanted a girl a couple of days ago at Disneyland, so even he thinks a mix of genders is preferable?
If someone told me they were having a 4th I wouldn't be able to say that's great because I wouldn't feel it is, congrats on your pregnancy xx

[Ugee]

Yes, I now get comments like " finally you get your girl" like I had to have two boys to get her. Makes me cross to think my boys are looked at as nothing! But I think people just don't know they say stupid things. My friend who is also pregnant with her 3rd baby already has both genders and people say to her "why are you having anymore? You already have one of each!" I don't think anyone escapes the comments. I try to just ignore them and it does help that I now am carrying my DG to do that.

[deaks66]

Claire I 100% feel like this too. It's such a strange position to find yourself in after years of wanting it to come true but I think you're right, it's a reaction to the many years of feeling protective of your boys and gd feelings. I wish I could jump up and down in joy with the people I tell too, but it makes me sad to think that they would have been disappointed for me had I had another boy. If id had another boy I would have wanted them to jump up and down and tell me how wonderful it is. But I know that wouldn't have happened. I decided to tell people at 16 weeks that I know this one is a girl so that by the time she arrives it will be old news and I won't be dealing with these feelings then. What a mind f*** xx

[Mumof3girls]

I am getting all sorts of comments too like oh thank god its a boy & are you finally done now & the worst one is when people say don't you already have 7 kids & I get so upset & I say no I have 8 kids. I have also heard people say to my friend why do you want a third you have one of each. What's it to people how many kids we have anyway. Why do they need to be part of our decision making. We have also told everyone we are having a boy after 3 girls & hopefully all the nasty comments are gone by the time he arrives. (I know what you mean Deaks)

[Boom]

I anticipate a similar response to our announcement. After 4 boys we went HT and I'm now 3 months pregnant with my girl.

[kitkat18]

Yes Claire people say the stupidest things! I have been told it "took me three goes to get it right". I have also been extremely sensitive of those mummas at school or friends who I know would love their DG. I think you are right we are just working our way through the effects of GD still even though we have our DG. I still get pangs sometimes when I forget I have DG and see my DG family out and about - bizarre! I think Ugee is right just ignore the comments if you can they should subside as your pregnancy progresses XX

[atomic sagebrush]

:agree: I also got a lot of "oh good thing it's a girl, you would have cracked up otherwise" ya know because I was that close to the brink that another handsome little man to love would have just driven me right round the bend. :/

[hotdogz&boyz]

I am one of those "crazy folks" who had another baby after our DG. And the comments you get there will also screw with your head. I did tend to get annoyed by the implication that my sons were not good enough when we were expecting our daughter. People said "FINALLY, a girl!"....which just seemed so silly. I had two boys, not 15! But, it didn't bother me quite so much because I was pretty thrilled to be getting a girl. And I didn't suffer a ton of GD before her, so maybe my take on it was a tad less intense than some.

BUT, we went team green for our fourth and the comments about drove me wild. "Oh, I bet you are hoping for a girl!" "Oh, what will you do if you end up with three boys?" "Your daughter just needs a sister!" "Two and two is so perfect." And we just didn't care, we wanted a healthy, happy little baby (which we got). But it made me feel that folks wouldn't be excited if we delivered a boy or that we somehow failed if we didn't produce the perfect 50-50 split. Thankfully, my son seems to have been welcomed with much excitement and we got less of those comments after he was here than before. But, yeah, I feel you. People need to stop talking! Haha.

[Myloves]

I used to rage over comments like that. But usually I would hear opposite things - terrible things about dd! I think someone even said she'd be a lesbian at some point (nothing wrong with lesbians, but it's stupid to assume a girl's sexual orientation is based on whether she has brothers or not).

Then I realised, people just don't THINK before they talk! Either that or some people are just trying to make conversation (when they say things like, 'oh you must so happy to have a girl', 'finally it's a girl!')

[Claire33]

Thanks for all the responses ladies! It's good to know that I'm not the only one experiencing this or that I'm not crazy being sensitive about this. I guess most people don't have a clue how their comments or reactions come across to us "gender sensitive" people :D

For now, since I still don't have a 100% guarantee that it is a girl (u/s at 13 weeks and blood test at 7 weeks said girl, but I'm still worried about it being a boy :D). So I'm waiting to announce pink to most people until my regular u/s in around a month. Only close family and friends have heard it's a girl, and their responses have really thrown me off, as I said. I've told them not to announce gender to anyone else.

Until my regular u/s if people talk about gender I just shrug and say "oh well, we'll see", most people say nothing after that. Some people say that there is a higher chance of having another boy, which I prefer to "Hope it's a girl!", or they just ask "Do you know what it is?", I just say no and they leave it at that.

I'm sure I will be getting many more annoying comments later on! But I think I will just downplay the comments. I mean, if I act all happy about it being a girl, they'll probably conclude that I wasn't happy with my boys, which I don't want them to do!

[atomic sagebrush]

I used to rage over comments like that. But usually I would hear opposite things - terrible things about dd! I think someone even said she'd be a lesbian at some point (nothing wrong with lesbians, but it's stupid to assume a girl's sexual orientation is based on whether she has brothers or not).

Then I realised, people just don't THINK before they talk! Either that or some people are just trying to make conversation (when they say things like, 'oh you must so happy to have a girl', 'finally it's a girl!')

Yep I got this one too esp. since DH's aunt is the only girl after 5 boys and is actually a lesbian.

They have done studies and found that having a lot of older brothers did not seem to make girls more likely to be lesbians, although for reasons that are not fully understood, it did seem to make youngest brothers with many older brothers somewhat more likely to be gay. There is a lot of speculation about why that is but no one is sure just yet.

If you live in the UK John Barrowman actually did a documentary about that which I found interesting.

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh and interestingly enough, while we live in an age where any slightly sporty/tomboyish girl is immediately branded "a lesbian" only a few decades ago, tomboys were thought to be predestined to be super boy crazy when they grew up. So there is no rhyme or reason to people's opinions, and they're subject to change like the winds. :)

[atomic sagebrush]

I am one of those "crazy folks" who had another baby after our DG. And the comments you get there will also screw with your head. I did tend to get annoyed by the implication that my sons were not good enough when we were expecting our daughter. People said "FINALLY, a girl!"....which just seemed so silly. I had two boys, not 15! But, it didn't bother me quite so much because I was pretty thrilled to be getting a girl. And I didn't suffer a ton of GD before her, so maybe my take on it was a tad less intense than some.

BUT, we went team green for our fourth and the comments about drove me wild. "Oh, I bet you are hoping for a girl!" "Oh, what will you do if you end up with three boys?" "Your daughter just needs a sister!" "Two and two is so perfect." And we just didn't care, we wanted a healthy, happy little baby (which we got). But it made me feel that folks wouldn't be excited if we delivered a boy or that we somehow failed if we didn't produce the perfect 50-50 split. Thankfully, my son seems to have been welcomed with much excitement and we got less of those comments after he was here than before. But, yeah, I feel you. People need to stop talking! Haha.

You know, reading this I have to admit to sometimes feeling a wee bit annoyed with ~a tiny handful~ of gals that come and go on all the swaying sites, not just this one, where they had a boy that's like 2 years old, and then get a girl next, and they're like "FINALLY I have my precious daughter. I've been waiting SO LONG for her." They are typically 26 years old and one little boy and they "dare" to use the word "finally" in front of some of us who have 4-5-6 boys and/or have been raising all boys for 20+ years. I know they are excited but it does ~occasionally~ come on a bad day for me - and I have a daughter. So I suspect it is hurtful to others who don't, even more so.

So thank you for writing this. :) Much appreciated.

[The Anchor]

I can't believe how rude some people are. There is nothing that makes me more furious than unsolicited advice. When I announced my third pregnancy (which sadly ended in m/c) so many people were saying things like "but you've got one of each why would you want a third?" and "Oh this one must have been an accident". I can't believe the nerve some people have.

[Claire33]

Ha ha, Atomic, I agree. For some reason I don't feel like those women are quite in the same boat as me... Some even get TWIN girls after one boy :rolleyes:

[Ugee]

on a kind of different note about rubbish comments I'm feeling sad that my mum isn't as excited about this pregnancy as I thought she might be. She was great with both boys and helped me with my GD by not being judgemental but always said I shouldn't have had them so close together! This time when I told her I was pregnant she was great or so I thought anyway. When I told her yesterday that we are having a girl (waited for my anatomy confirmation to tell her in case early scan was wrong) she just seemed to reply with a bland tone of congratulations! This is her 1st granddaughter and so I'm totally confused. So far all comments from anyone about this baby have annoyed me! Wish I had told people we weren't finding out now. :(

[kitkat18]

Oh Ugee! Maybe she really did not have a preference, maybe take her shopping with you or do something bonding? I know my MIL was sort of happy but also didn't really seem bothered as she had, had two boys and assumed my third would be a boy as well. I hated the comments I got at first and they are still coming but I just ignore them!! Xxx

[atomic sagebrush]

I wonder if it's because she doesn't want to seem like she's favoring a girl over the boys??

[foxymrsg]

Totaly get what you're sayong even though I'm not there yet! I truly hope to get my DD one day but this is the exact reason I plan to tell people we're team green even though we will find out! 1) so if it's a boy i don't have to deal with everyone else's disappointment and 2) if it is a girl I don't have to listen to, or rather my boys don't have to hear, people saying how I've finally got it right and how it's third time lucky!
People have actually said it'll be third time lucky if I have another so I will be choosing to avoid their comments as much as possible.

I know you are not ungrateful for what you have, you are upset at how your boys are being seen or made to feel, I 100% get that and don't blame you for feeling the way you feel! x

[Ugee]

I wonder if it's because she doesn't want to seem like she's favoring a girl over the boys??

Maybe, I can understand that if it's the case but she sees how I dote on my boys and that they are my world. I tried to tell myself maybe she is just being cautious until baby arrives as anything can happen from now till then. Just felt totally deflated after speaking to her.

At least when we all have our babies people act differently and just then see the baby as a tiny human instead of their gender as much. I didn't realise how sensitive I am still about it all and how far our GD travels even after you get your preference. It's good to know we all can discuss it on here :)

[kitkat18]

So true Ugee I am still working through mine :) x

[gizmo77]

Both my parents were disappointed when I announced dd3, they forced a smile and said oh good.
My mil on the other hand, maybe not untentionally, has the comments that hurt. My son is a girl maker. I saw 4 girls and thought of u guys. It is just SO bizarre to her that ppl make single gender families.

My plan, if I get pg with a boy, is not to tell anyone till he comes out, so that I'll be too busy to wait to hear the dumb comments and so they'll see that having the boy is the same amount of work initially and to leave me be.

I am already anticipating if I get pg all the stupid comments. "If u have 2 in a row ur likely to have 3 in a row, etc."
Let them talk and hopefully I can just give em the finger in my head.

[Claire33]

Ugee, sorry about your mom's reaction. I don't know why she would react like that, maybe she was tired, maybe she feels like 2 children is enough for you, I don't know. Maybe she doesn't want to be excited in case it's a boy after all. I hope she comes around a bit!

[Myloves]

@Atomic
Oops! I feel a bit bad for my siggy now :(
I'm just super pumped that we managed to even have twins after I thought we were done. I mean when I think about it, two boys is nothing compared to 4, 5 or 6 of them!
Buti had pretty bad GD with both my sons and it ran much deeper than the ordinary 'wish i had the opposite gender for once after having the same' type of gd. (I really hate that i felt that way now - wish i had the ordinary gd!)
Anyway im still super pumped to have three ghirls when there once a time where i thought i'd never get to have any at all!

[Myloves]

@Ugee
I didthe same with my sister at first *blush*
Its just that she already had two beautiful girls and I didn't want her to think I'd suddenly start favouring my nephew over my two nieces just vause he's the only boy. (Boys are highly favoured in my family). But now, 4 years later, everything is great! His big sisters are the ones who dote on him :)

[Pinkdreamz]

Right now I'm in a situation I thought I'd never be in, which is actually getting my DG. I'm in a state of disbelief. I'm not even sure if I should post this, as I've been on "the other side" for so long that I don't want to be smug or hurt anyone's feelings with this "complaint". But I just wonder if other people in my situation recognize this? Only me and DH know of my GD, I've never let a shimmer of it show to anyone else. And now that we're getting our DG, I find myself getting annoyed at other people's comments and excitement about this being a girl. Just as I did when they once commented on "yet another boy" in my previous pregnancies, or "hopefully a girl this time" comments. This time people are so excited that I feel myself getting annoyed at them. Would they not be excited if it was another boy? How would they react if this was a 4th boy? Are my 3 boys not good enough for them? I just downplay the whole thing and pretend it's not a big deal. Of course it's a big deal for me, but it's none of their business. If they just said "Oh, that's nice, a girl after 3 boys" it would be okay. But they are jumping up and down for joy and getting all teary-eyed, so I just look away and pretend I don't see it. Again, I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, I've lived in the GD-world for 8 years, so I really don't want to offend anyone or seem ungrateful. I am very grateful, but I feel like I am still living with the effects of GD, and am feeling very protective over my sons at the moment. I might even consider to pretend to be Team Green from now on, just in order to avoid the overly joyous reactions of people, because I feel it's unfair to my sons. Does anyone have any similar experiences?


I didn't find out what sex my first two where but I did for my third. For two reasons 1) to be prepared for my third boy and 2) to have time to adjust to fact that I was going to have four children. I always wanted a larger family anyway but I needed to be able to cope too. (My husband only wanted two but support me and my GD) My friends and family knew of my GD and when I found out my third was a boy I felt extremely protective of this fact and my husband and I kept it secret to which his family was not at all happy with. When I found out I couldn't help the tears that ran down my cheeks when I had the gender confirmed and thought I'd need to privately mourn by myself later when I was alone. It didn't come and I accepted it a lot better than I thought I would. I still had one more shot. I got all the comments about it def being a girl this time blah blah blah. I could not for a second bare the thought of my beautiful baby being labelled as 'oh just another boy'. I had actually said something similar once to a friend after she had had her third son and when I was in those shoes I felt like cutting my tongue out as it was heartbreaking to me know that I had said something so stupid, I couldn't believe that I had said it. I simply didn't get it then but I do now. I have three healthy baby boys and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. The bond that my husband and I have with our third is absolutely incredible, I adore him more than anything (as I adore my other two) but to me he's really special. He brings so much joy to everyone in our family. Let them make comments, it's because they don't understand and they never will. I was extra protective about my boys too because they are amazing. Not second class because of their gender. You know how lucky you are, you are going to have an amazing life with your four children. I'm due to have my dd in four weeks. Yes I'm just about peeing my pants with excitement but she will be loved not just by me but I know just as much by my boys. I went ht to get her and would do it again in a heartbeat. I can't even begin to say how grateful I am to be having her but nothing will ever change the way I feel about my boys. There really special and will always be my babies xx

[atomic sagebrush]

@Atomic
Oops! I feel a bit bad for my siggy now :(
I'm just super pumped that we managed to even have twins after I thought we were done. I mean when I think about it, two boys is nothing compared to 4, 5 or 6 of them!
Buti had pretty bad GD with both my sons and it ran much deeper than the ordinary 'wish i had the opposite gender for once after having the same' type of gd. (I really hate that i felt that way now - wish i had the ordinary gd!)
Anyway im still super pumped to have three ghirls when there once a time where i thought i'd never get to have any at all!

I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad at all, I know some people have very strong GD from day one, it's my problem and not anyone elses!!

I am very happy that you got your girls!

[Myloves]

You rock Atomic Sagebrush. That is all

[Claire33]

My MIL was here the other day and told me that her neighbor (who I've never met), has started knitting for my baby, because it's a girl. Instead of being grateful (which I am of course!), I got really annoyed inside and thought "If this was a boy, I guess you wouldn't be knitting then". I didn't say anything to my MIL, but now I wish I did. I wish I'd just asked "Would she not be knitting if this was a boy?" But I didn't. Maybe for the best, in order not to sound bitter and ungrateful :wink::oops:

[XXforhubby]

My MIL was here the other day and told me that her neighbor (who I've never met), has started knitting for my baby, because it's a girl. Instead of being grateful (which I am of course!), I got really annoyed inside and thought "If this was a boy, I guess you wouldn't be knitting then". I didn't say anything to my MIL, but now I wish I did. I wish I'd just asked "Would she not be knitting if this was a boy?" But I didn't. Maybe for the best, in order not to sound bitter and ungrateful :wink::oops:

It's super hard biting ones tongue, in these cases when we feel so protective over the babies we are carrying. I think you made the right decision. I think for most people, even close family members, the baby is as abstract as their gender. For us mothers though, the baby is very real, a person. This makes it easy for them to trivialize certain things that are very real for us.


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[Dana-Alicia]

Very true what XX says. I also get commends on the next one being a girl, ugh if they only knew... But nope, they all forgot I already had a girl. I think I would be a lion once I'm pregnant, regardless of the gender of my baby. But maybe I'd be tougher if it's a boy, as I will not have anyone insult me and my family and especially not a precious little baby! But people really don't think too much before they open their mouths and they don't feel the connection with the baby as we do.

[Boum]

Hi I have one boy and three girls, and some idiot told me that he would be so in minority, and feel alone ... that comments hurt me a lot ...

[XXforhubby]

Hi I have one boy and three girls, and some idiot told me that he would be so in minority, and feel alone ... that comments hurt me a lot ...

Don't pay attention to what stupid people say! My DH has a cousin who is the oldest of his three sisters. They are all so close! He is best friends with his sisters and is always there for them! He is a manly man, don't get me wrong, but he is super close with his sisters!

Hugs!


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[atomic sagebrush]

Hi I have one boy and three girls, and some idiot told me that he would be so in minority, and feel alone ... that comments hurt me a lot ...

I think that's a special family makeup, though.

My grandma is one of 6 girls and then finally 2 boys (the youngest), and one of the boys passed away in childhood. So i have a big soft spot for families with girls and then one boy! :)

[ever hopeful]

Not meaning to sound insensitive, but curious as to why that bothers you? Yes of course he will be in the minority, as will my DD (she has 3 older brothers) but doesn't mean that he won't have a great and happy life with loads of love. I should think his sisters absolutely dote on him, lucky boy, and think of all of the girlfirends they will provide him with when he is older.... I know my boys all dote on their sister so she is one very lucky little girl who will always have her brothers their for her.

[atomic sagebrush]

I think there is a little bit of a stereotype of the boy with a lot of big sisters that he's spoiled/effeminate/henpecked and I think the all-girl moms get that one more than we do.

I have had some pretty nasty remarks from people to my daughter like "boy I feel sorry for you". :/ IF only they knew she is the most cherished little girl with all her big bad brothers having a soft spot for her. ;)