HELP PLEASE!

[weeziewoozles]

Help lovely ladies. I'm in turmoil this morning. As some of you might know my mum recently passed away quite suddenly. I spent the evening with my stepdad last night and he mentioned that she had a few premium bonds that will now go to me and my brother. The short story is that we may get about £15,000 unexpectedly, which means that going to California for HT could now be a possibility! I'd always said I'd want to do it if we had the money, but now I'm scared of what it all involves and that I've been on LE for nine months of the last twelve, so may have reduced my fertility meaning would we be successful conceiving on HT or waste our money?! I need help thinking this through and don't have my Mum now to ask advice! We were probably going to attempt next cycle but now I don't know what to do.

[maidentomother]

Oh wow! How old are you? Is this for sure your last child? I'd probably go HT in your position, but kerp in mind it may take a few cycles which will cost more than £15,000.

[bluebonnet22]

Weezie - In your shoes I would go HT since it would be "free" (not hurt your family financially) and since you swayed your heart out before and got an opposite. I'm not sure how you feel about saving the money and possibly having 5 kids? If 4 is your absolute limit and you can afford HT I would try HT and then come back to swaying if necessary. Good luck with your decision, what a hard thing to wrap your head around especially in such a difficult time.

[weeziewoozles]

Thanks lovelies. I'm 35 (will be 36 in July) and all three boys were successful first attempts so we're pretty fertile I guess. We'd always said we'd have four kids but when DS3 came along I started planting the idea of five with DH just in case. I'd love two girls you see as it'd balance our family more. Maybe I should do HT and ask them to put in two! I've never had anything medical done at all, my birthday were very natural, so I'm nervous of that side of it.

[maidentomother]

I'd at least get pretesting done then! Remember natural fertility doesn't necessarily correlate to IVF success, though. I hope you get your twincesses!

[weeziewoozles]

Thanks. I'll start looking into it

[Dreamofpink]

I'd do HT in a heartbeat with an unexpected inheritance like that. So sorry for your loss though. :(

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[kitkat18]

Gosh weezie I'm not sure what I would do, I think pre-testing would not hurt. TMI but are you financially okay? As others have said you might start on a road to potentially exceeding the 15,000 pounds could you take that on? If not I would save the money and sway naturally for free we really are seeing so much success and you have invested a lot of time in diet etc. Best of luck with a very hard decision!!! Xxx

[weeziewoozles]

We are financially ok. Our only debt is our mortgage but it's quite chunky as we bought a big house for all the babies! It does feel like I'd be wasting all my efforts on the LE diet to give up now but I did a really strong sway for DS3 and failed (we think due to DTD more than once, as the data is showing clearly now that one attempt is best for pink) so feel I could fail again. The negatives of taking on HT in my mind are the risk of spending all that money (and maybe more) and getting nothing in return, the physiological and psychological effects on the body and the logistics of having to travel to the US with/without three small children! I'm going to organise that first free appointment with Dr Potter and see what we think after that I guess. It's so hard. Wish I had a crystal ball!

[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

Omg this would be a dream come true!!!! I would be tempted to bank it (and like lock it down for a year) and try your sway, and then do #5 HT. When were you going to make your sway attempt?


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[weeziewoozles]

I feel last month wasn't a strict LE so I was planning on DTD in April/May time. I'm not sure I want four boys though so not sure if I should continue with the sway. Last night I was out with friends and had a huge delicious burger and chips! Can't remember when I last had beef. It was yummy. I'm torn between keeping up LE for now, until we decide what we're doing, and just stuffing my face with nutrition to increase my HT chances!

[Remustroy]

I would pre test before free consult other wise it's just a informal chat he needs numbers to discuss properly good luck x

[weeziewoozles]

Really? Thanks Remustroy I'd no idea. How do I start that then? Where do I go?

[atomic sagebrush]

always go HT if you can. Swaying will be here in the future if it doesn't work out. Odds of HT do not improve with time.

That having been said, that advice only applies if this it a true windfall and not money you actually kind of need for your family's wellbeing. :) I ~personally~ prefer that people only go HT when they can afford to do 3 cycles. If you can only do one, I would have very mixed emotions about it because while it's possible to get pg the first attempt with HT, it's much more likely that it will be within 3 rounds and I personally simply couldn't spend that type of money if my family could strongly benefit from it.

What you may want to do is switch over to the atomic fertility diet with the variation of "pink swayers who may go HT" for now and that way you'll be ok eve if you decide to tTC naturally instead.

[weeziewoozles]

Thanks Atomic. I really appreciate your input. I think we could afford a second attempt, but probably not a third. Could you tell me where the "pink swayers who may go HT" diet is? I really want to use the money for something rather than just stick it in the mortgage. Having said that, I know I'll feel crap if we spend it all and get no baby. Does Dr Potter at HRC really get seventy something percent live birth rates as he claimed at his talk in London last year? That seems amazing.

[Remustroy]

I agree with atomic I was a ohw but I know I would have cycled at least twice so set limits if you start as it's addictive but as far as pre testing if you contact hrc and ask them to send you pretest orders so you can have results first at least that way you have more info if your results are not great you can just go back to swaying if not at least your know if you have a chance at ht Dr potter said I had 80% chance I had good pretesting and was 36 x

[atomic sagebrush]

Thanks Atomic. I really appreciate your input. I think we could afford a second attempt, but probably not a third. Could you tell me where the "pink swayers who may go HT" diet is? I really want to use the money for something rather than just stick it in the mortgage. Having said that, I know I'll feel crap if we spend it all and get no baby. Does Dr Potter at HRC really get seventy something percent live birth rates as he claimed at his talk in London last year? That seems amazing.

Giving it to you straight here, at your age you cannot and should not expect 70% success rates from high tech and certianly not from one or even 2 cycels. I feel that is (IMVVVVHO) misleading. Their website claims 65% Success Rates | HRC Fertility Clinic Orange County (http://www.hrcfertilityoc.com/our-successes/success-rates/) and please read the fine print there, I personally believe that part of the reason they ahve as high of results as they do is because they have an "easier" clientele than some of the other clinics who may have "harder" cases and lower birth rates.

http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/9052-swaying-under-special-circumstances-part-3-pcos.html atomic fertility diet is in this thread and you'd follow the variant for swayers doing HT.

[weeziewoozles]

Thanks again Atomic. That's disappointing but not really surprising. I thought those figures sounded too good to be true. I'll contact them then and ask how to go about organising pretesting. Does that involve testing whether DH is one of the very few men who produce only one type?

[nuthinbutpink]

I don't necessarily agree with " easier" clientele. For ANY clinic that sees GS patients, they go into it with their odds slashed by 50% due to gender. That's HUGE. The fact that any clinic sees 60, 70% success with GS clients is huge. If we all got a transfer OR got to transfer the best embryos each time, could you imagine what our success rates would be as fertile women?!?

[nuthinbutpink]

I also believe that if you can afford a shot at HT, you should take it. I never planned on more than one attempt. I cancelled my first try when things looked bad so I COULD try again. One shot with a guarantee is huge. I have a 4 year old to prove it!!

[weeziewoozles]

Thank you Nuthin. I'm so grateful for all of you helping me with this. Waking up this morning I feel strongly that I should get on the Atomic Fertility Diet and organise pretesting. Only then will we know our odds and I'll understand the process more too.

[kitkat18]

Good to have a decision made, weezie X X

[weeziewoozles]

Thanks hon

[weeziewoozles]

Can I ask about the HT diet Atomic? It says avoid wheat, how about Rye and Spelt? And am I right that I'd need to eat either chicken, turkey or salmon every day (salmon only twice a week)? And if don't need to track anything?

[Kittybear]

Hi Hun, were you at dr potter's seminar last year? I was there (v heavily preggo) in the 2nd row ;)

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum; that loss is massive and would rock me to the core. Please forgive me if it sounds insensitive but did your mum know about you desire for a girl? If she knew that she *could* 'give' you a girl, I'm sure she would be so pleased, as I'm sure her number 1 priority was your happiness, and if ht could do this for you, I'm sure she'd give it her blessing. :) I'm so sorry if any of this is hurtful after your loss, just my opinion as I HAVE told my mum my plans and she has been SO supportive; she told me she understands my desire for a girl as she had me. :heart:

If you can do this, I would! AGain, this may be absolutely the wrong thing to say (and I'll gladly edit any of this if it hurts you Hun, as that's the last thing I want) but there seems something so special about your mum's last gift to you being the chance to have her granddaughter....

Pm if you want Hun. Do the pretesting. If you are London way dr lower works with HRC. If you've lost weight and your bmi is in the healthy range that's ok. It would take a couple if months to get organised anyway and you could start taking your pre natals etc to help.

Good luck whatever you decide xxx

[weeziewoozles]

Hey Kitty. We're you at the seminar with your mum? Thanks, I'll PM you for a chat. You're not being insensitive at all. I feel the same way. I know she'd want me to get my girl. I guess the worry is that it doesn't always work out, and often people do 2 or 3 cycles! I'll look up Dr Lower x

[Kittybear]

I was there with my hubbie and sitting next to another lady as well. I seem to remember the lady who was there with her mum. I think most of us were from GD ;)

You have nothing to lose by having your pretesting done and booking a consult (apart from the costs incurred from these, obs!) and you still don't have to go down that path if you change your mind.

After my mum and me, there are no other girls in my family. That thought makes me so sad :( I come from a fantastic line of strong women and I hate to think of that just disappearing... If I did get a DD she would have my granny's name as her middle name. She past away a few years back (before ds1), and I like to think of her helping the little souls that have become my children to find me. I hope there is a little pink soul waiting with my granny for me to be her mum.

Pm me whenever you want Hun, and good luck for your decision xx

[atomic sagebrush]

I don't necessarily agree with " easier" clientele. For ANY clinic that sees GS patients, they go into it with their odds slashed by 50% due to gender. That's HUGE. The fact that any clinic sees 60, 70% success with GS clients is huge. If we all got a transfer OR got to transfer the best embryos each time, could you imagine what our success rates would be as fertile women?!?

I'm not talking about gender swaying, I'm talking about other fertility patients who may possibly be getting a hard sell for IVF when they could have probably gotten pg on their own without it. I have seen this happen time and again with clients where they go to an RE (not Potter) but at very prestigious clinics and are told they have NO chance of conceiving without IVF, that they're menopausal even, and then turn around and do just that within a few months. Something is amiss here because this is happening so often (1-3 times a month, just people who I am dealing with). There is seeming to be a disconnect between what fertility patients are being told by RE's and what reality is, IMVVVVHO. I think this skews the odds of success considerably if women who are actually fertile are being "convinced" they need IVF to conceive when they don't. I'm not saying Potter is doing this, just that I have suspicions that this may happen in some clinics - not deliberately, but just because to "the little kid with a hammer, everything is a nail in need of pounding" and couples who have the money to spare are oftentimes willing to dive right in.

Then in the meantime there are docs out there like Dr. Braverman who really do take on the hardest clients of all and I feel like they are unfairly penalized for doing so when we do a straight read of live birth success rates.

I think Dr. Potter is a great doc, HRC is a great clinic, don't get me wrong, I am just a bit skeptical as to why one clinic is "magically delicious" LOL when there are many great doctors out there with similar training and technology and it doesn't make sense to me that one of them is just that much better than the rest. I guess I'm cynical because I immediately suspect that there is probably some other factor coming into play, such as hundreds of women in SoCal with gobs of money to spend on fertility treatments, be they needed or not. Freely admitted that I could be wrong and in fact I hope that I am.

I feel like when we're talking about tens of thousands of dollars that might represent financial security for a family, I ~personally~ would want everyone to go into that with eyes wide open and underestimate their odds of success rather than overestimate them. Weezie paid me to give her straight talk as her swaying coach and my straight talk is that a 37 year old should not go into HT expecting 70% success rates ANYWHERE.

All that having been said, to reiterate what nuthin is saying - if you have a chance at HT that will not financially compromise your family, DO IT. Odds of success do not improve with time. But go in with eyes open and with a real expectation and hopefully planning for at least 2 cycles, 3 if you can. Most people with proven fertility do get pg with 3 cycles. Not all, but most.

[atomic sagebrush]

Can I ask about the HT diet Atomic? It says avoid wheat, how about Rye and Spelt? And am I right that I'd need to eat either chicken, turkey or salmon every day (salmon only twice a week)? And if don't need to track anything?

Yes you also need to avoid the other grains and stick with rice. There is some pretty convincing research that the rice is best tolerated by the body in terms of fertility.

[weeziewoozles]

Thank you Atomic. I'm grateful for your honesty. I agree that the HRC figures seem so high that there must be compounding factors. I guess I'm hoping I'd fall into the fertile group that would be highly likely to succeed. :) I amcurrently filling out the required info for HRC and trying to find out how much money we're inheriting. After that we shall see, I guess. X