I don't understand my feelings

[pink_bean]

I love my second son so much (well both my sons but he was my try for a girl.) I mean, I am head over heels in love with him. Sometimes I just stare at him and I think he is the most beautiful, perfect baby ever. I'm glad I gave up on swaying because I can't imagine life without him.

And yet, I'm still sad. I still get jealous of people with PP. I still ask, why not me? I still feel like a piece of me is missing. Sometimes I even wish my ODS was still an only child because I miss just the 3 of us. And other times I think if YDS was my first baby I wouldn't have had such bad GD.

I just feel so confused.

The other day someone yelled to me and my husband that we had "beautiful, beautiful babies." And I felt so proud. But then that same day some lady came up to us and asked us if we had wanted a girl. She then went on to tell us that she had 5 boys trying for a girl but that her daughter in law who was with her "got lucky". Because she had a baby girl after a boy. I wanted to say "well, I think I'm lucky that my boys have each other!" And I meant it! But I didn't say anything. I just feel so bipolar sometimes!

[purple]

Sorry you are feeling this way pink bean :( It takes time to get feelings sorted out which can be really confusing. I don't really know what to say other than I have had some of these feelings too. Even 3.5 years on from having DS2 I still get twinges of jealousy but then feel silly feeling that way because I would never swap him for a DD now that I have him.

Just go easy on yourself as what you are feeling is normal :)

[luckyfourleafclover]

I love my second son so much (well both my sons but he was my try for a girl.) I mean, I am head over heels in love with him. Sometimes I just stare at him and I think he is the most beautiful, perfect baby ever. I'm glad I gave up on swaying because I can't imagine life without him.

And yet, I'm still sad. I still get jealous of people with PP. I still ask, why not me? I still feel like a piece of me is missing. Sometimes I even wish my ODS was still an only child because I miss just the 3 of us. And other times I think if YDS was my first baby I wouldn't have had such bad GD.

I just feel so confused.

The other day someone yelled to me and my husband that we had "beautiful, beautiful babies." And I felt so proud. But then that same day some lady came up to us and asked us if we had wanted a girl. She then went on to tell us that she had 5 boys trying for a girl but that her daughter in law who was with her "got lucky". Because she had a baby girl after a boy. I wanted to say "well, I think I'm lucky that my boys have each other!" And I meant it! But I didn't say anything. I just feel so bipolar sometimes!

Pink - I know exactly what you mean - I have all those same thoughts and feelings too.

It's all just part of the evil GD.

When I have a great day with my boys I feel so blessed and happy and content - and then BAM, a comment or something else (a visit from my niece!) can trigger it all off again.

GD is evil, but everyone here will support you and make you feel like you are normal to feel like that

hugs

[Kittybear]

I have no advice Hun as I know just what you mean... Sending hugs (((()))) xx

[trifecta]

I think one of the worst things about GD is that it casts a shadow over so many of the joys of parenting. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

[pink_bean]

Thank you all. It's nice to know I am not alone although I wish none of us felt this way!

I agree trifecta, I hate that it seems like GD is always in the background, even in those joyous moments.

[EmileeJane]

I have all of those feelings! Intense love for my boys and jealousy of others with PP or generally anyone getting a girl after any amount of boys.
And ignorant people with stupid comments don't help.
Sorry pinkbean! Hugs♡ feel better!

[atomic sagebrush]

I agree I have felt much the same many times. :)

[goodmom]

Me too i agree with u .... i was so much disappointed when i was told its another girl ...i really wanted one of both genders .. and felt same every time i use to see a mom with a boy and girl ...but now when little one is 2 and elder one is 4 , they are so close and love each other so much ...i just enjoy every moment ...they play , fight , hug ,protect each other they are the perfect frozen elsa and anna and the reason of my happiness.
Hugs pinkbean ... May u get all the best things you wish for ...

[pink_bean]

Thanks goodmom! It's nice to hear how it can be when they are older. I do look forward to my boys being able to play together and be close like your girls! We may be "missing out" on raising both genders but those with only one of each are also "missing out" on two (or more) of a kind and all the fun that entails!

Hugs to you, too goodmom and I also wish you all the best and thank you for sharing your experience of raising two girls!