What are the symptoms of pre natal depression?

[happy1981]

Anyone suffered/suffers from pre natal depression and can tell me about it? I am worried I have developed some kind of pregnancy depression. I can function at work and in daily life. I am quite happy about most things in my life except this pregnancy and coming baby.

I hate being pregnant and can't wait for it to be over but I don't look forward to having a new baby come out of it. I am terrified of sleepless nights and life with two kids.
I have a two year old and the first year with him was s struggle. He was a colicky baby and screamed all day long for 3,5 months. He only slept 3 hours in a row for the first 13 months.
I regret trying for another baby so soon, I'm not ready! I don't feel any connection or love for this baby at all. With DS it all came naturally. This time it's completely different. We did sway for a girl but that failed and of course that's part of me feeling down. Would love to hear your thoughts!

[mommymachine]

I do. It has gotten progressively worse each pregnancy. Which means the worst was the last time and I failed to bond with my baby until she was 3 days old. BUT, then like a light switch, I fell head over heels in love with her and never looked back.

Depression and anxiety during pregnancy consumes me with terrible thoughts. The thoughts were the worst part. I couldn't turn them off and am still ashamed of them. However, I know it was the chemistry in my brain, not my real thoughts.

I feel for you:( But you will bond with the baby. Don't let that be something you fear. You will do awesome!!! A year from now you will not be able to imagine your life without him!

[Dana-Alicia]

Yup I had it too! I'm on antidepressants now and I'm not as scared as I was before to get pregnant again. I had horrible, irrealistic thoughts, but am no longer ashamed. Depression is an illness, we didn't ask for this, we can not be blamed for it. Just like you can't blame anyone for being allergic to nuts or breaking a leg. It happens to us and we can learn to cope with it. I reached out for help and found a great therapist and a doctor who prescribed me my meds. Feeling so much better now. Hope you'll feel better soon! Oh and about the bounding with the baby: 3 weeks after my first son was born, he smiled at me. That was the first time I wasn't afraid of him. Before that I thought he hated me and felt how bad of a mother I was. After that first smile I was completely and utterly in love with him. With my second son it took a day or 2 for me to actually grasp the fact he was there and I also fell head over heals with him. Hoping with the next baby it will be instantly, but if not, I know it will come. It will be alright mama, just get the help you need, you can't do this alone.

[Kittybear]

Hi Hun,
So much of what you wrote could have been me 9 months ago. I was terrified of my new boy coming; not just the new born baby stuff, but how I would feel about him - I already had my son, how could I love another? I hadn't really bonded with my pregnancy in the way I did first time round.
In the end, my labour was VERY fast. When I saw him for the first time, I realised the love was already there; it was different from the birth of ds1 (where the love hit me like a tonne of bricks), with ds2 it was like if you find something treasured in your attic that you had forgotten was there :)
With regards to coping, you just will; through sheer determination, hormones, necessity. It will be a bit of a blur, but it will go quickly and everyday will be different (some easier, others not). Ds2 is now 8 months old and such a gorgeous, cheeky chappy ;)
Right now is the worst bit, I promise :)
Good luck & take care xxx

[atomic sagebrush]

I've never really felt a connection to any of my babies before they were born. Not even DD. Just didn't happen. I would def. talk to a doctor though, if you are not able to function.

[Dana-Alicia]

I also think pregnancies are so abstract ykwim? Like you know there's a baby in there. You see your tummy growing, something is moving inside there, you see this babylikethingy on scans. And still with every birth I was like: oh it's really a baby! Like a duck was also a possibility :holysheep: I just couldn't wrap my head around that very abstract thing that was going on inside my body. And the depression just added to that, making me feel horrible and wishing I never got pregnant in the first place. But as soon as they were there, I understood what i got myself into. And it got better pretty quick. With Ds2 more quick then with Ds1.

[mommymachine]

I also think pregnancies are so abstract ykwim? Like you know there's a baby in there. You see your tummy growing, something is moving inside there, you see this babylikethingy on scans. And still with every birth I was like: oh it's really a baby! Like a duck was also a possibility :holysheep: I just couldn't wrap my head around that very abstract thing that was going on inside my body. And the depression just added to that, making me feel horrible and wishing I never got pregnant in the first place. But as soon as they were there, I understood what i got myself into. And it got better pretty quick. With Ds2 more quick then with Ds1.

I do that too. They bring out the baby warmers and it hits me everytime..."oh my gosh they are expecting a baby...oh my gosh a baby is coming."

[Rosie85]

I am currently depressed myself. I feel overwhelmed and like a failure at everything. All my relationships are failing and all i want to do is sleep. I am unsure if it comes from the pregnancy itself or if I would be depressed regardless. I am guessing it isnthe latter but it is expasperated by hormones.

It is common to feel displaced when pregnant and worried...it is a good thing to talk about it like you are. Keep that up.

[Dana-Alicia]

I do that too. They bring out the baby warmers and it hits me everytime..."oh my gosh they are expecting a baby...oh my gosh a baby is coming."

Yup and you don't get used to it either. It's quite a shock everytime there's a baby being put on your chest. Wutt? Is this mine? OMG I must keep it alive, what a big huge gigantic respondibility! I can't do this! But somehow you do manage to get into a new routine and the happy moment come back and it's like the baby was always there. Just never got that cloud 9 feeling where I was super happy and in love with my baby from the start. They grew on me.

[Rosie85]

I also think pregnancies are so abstract ykwim? Like you know there's a baby in there. You see your tummy growing, something is moving inside there, you see this babylikethingy on scans. And still with every birth I was like: oh it's really a baby! Like a duck was also a possibility :holysheep: I just couldn't wrap my head around that very abstract thing that was going on inside my body. And the depression just added to that, making me feel horrible and wishing I never got pregnant in the first place. But as soon as they were there, I understood what i got myself into. And it got better pretty quick. With Ds2 more quick then with Ds1.

This exactly. Perfectly written!

[happy1981]

Thank you so much for your responses! It makes me feel so much more normal! I'm already in contact with a therapist for other reasons and I will book some more appointments with her regarding this. It's just so hard to know what is normal pregnancy thoughts and what is not.
I know it's normal to not feel love or attached to the baby at first but what worries me is that most of the time I feel like I don't even want the baby, like if I miscarried I wouldn't even be sad about it, just relieved. I don't ever hear any other expectant mothers having thoughts like that.

[Dana-Alicia]

Thank you so much for your responses! It makes me feel so much more normal! I'm already in contact with a therapist for other reasons and I will book some more appointments with her regarding this. It's just so hard to know what is normal pregnancy thoughts and what is not.
I know it's normal to not feel love or attached to the baby at first but what worries me is that most of the time I feel like I don't even want the baby, like if I miscarried I wouldn't even be sad about it, just relieved. I don't ever hear any other expectant mothers having thoughts like that.

You're not the only one with those thoughts, trust me. Let go of those feelings of guilt. You can not help how you feel right now. Pregnancies suck, seriously I hate being pregnant with a passion. Everything aches, I puke constantly, I get horrible SPD and for what?? You only know and understand that once you have the baby. It will be alright, just open up to someone you trust and talk, talk, talk. Antidepressants can sometimes really help, even during pregnancy. I was so depressed I was at a point I didn't know a way out, except jumping off the roof. And I have two kids! Since I got help and the right meds, I can not imagine ever having those feelings again. I understand the woman I was, I can still feel the despair, anger and bitterness. And I understand her, love her and do not judge her anymore. I am kinder to myself now and it has worked wonders. I love what Pink sings in 'Perfect'. "Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead".

[atomic sagebrush]

That is how I felt most of my pregnancy with DS 3. :/ But the fact is that even when we have those feelings if something were to happen our feelings would change in an instant (and I know this becuase I do know many women who have felt the same and did lose their baby later in pg and were very upset.)

[Dana-Alicia]

That is how I felt most of my pregnancy with DS 3. :/ But the fact is that even when we have those feelings if something were to happen our feelings would change in an instant (and I know this becuase I do know many women who have felt the same and did lose their baby later in pg and were very upset.)

Yup. It's because of the abstract idea I guess. We don't really know what we have once it's gone. I got pregnant by accident with DD and at first I was considering an abortion. But then came around and was happy. When she passed away, for a long time I blamed myself because I had thought of an abortion. I felt I was being punished. And it just doesn't work that way. We are not being punished, I don't believe that's how the universe works. And we are all trying to cope as best as we can. We don't need to add on to that hurt by constantly feeling guilty. We deserve better from ourselves.

[Bobster]

I have also had some feelings of not wanting this pregnancy and I feel guilty for it. I think the nausea and feeling so tired all the time don't help. I can relate to this and I think it's really brave of you to share these thoughts for others who feel similar. I think your experiences of ds1 are bound to make you feel anxious about having another baby but they do say you often have a very different experience with other babies. I'm also having my second and the thought of sleepless nights and colick also panic me but hopefully we will be more prepared for it this time as we are going into it with realistic expectations but the anxieties of how to keep this little newborn safe and alive will be less severe as we've done it before

[happy1981]

Hi all! I just wanted to update you on my situation now. DS 2 is 4 months now and I love him to bits! Just as much as DS 1, some days I even feel like I love him more! I never thought that would be possible. The first 2 months were tough as he turned out to be a colicky baby as well, all though not as bad as DS 1. But it never affected my feelings for him. My maternal instinct is so strong I have no idea where it comes from haha! I am still dreaming about having a girl as well but I'm not sure we could handle three kids, two is really hard work!

[atomic sagebrush]

Thank you so much for this lovely update. My second son is the light of my universe. Wishing you the very best of luck. :)

[Atsaukina1]

Glad you're feeling better and loving your lil boy. Babes are a lot of work, glad his collic has gone away.