“A son’s a son until he takes a wife, a daughter’s a daughter all of her life.”

[jennypenny]

Feeling so upset, was chatting to friends earlier with all of our toddlers playing together when we started to talk about future babies. I certainly have never mentioned that I would love a girl after having two boys but feel that my friends (all of which have both genders) would understand that I probably would love to have a daughter.


Anyway, they startedjoking about me needing to have a girl next time (as if my second boy was a failure) one of my "friends" even came out with the old saying

“A son’s a son until he takes a wife, a daughter’s a daughter all of her life.”

I think the saying is a load of nonsense and it is about the relationship you have with your children that keeps you close.

I just angrilysaid "thanks" and it all went a bit awkward after that. I don't think she realised that it would be hurtful
and assumed I would laugh it off, but it really stung and I now feel really ashamed that I am planning on swaying for a girl.

Grr, wish people would think before they speak!

[kitkat18]

The number of times I heard that one!! What a load of crap!! I wish people would have more tact around GD. I had someone say ' pink suited me, when I was holding her newborn girl' which was harmless from her point of view but it stung as I never thought I would get a DD. Big hugs try and ignore the tactless comments. I found a couple friends who 'got' it but most were super ignorant XX p.s even though I have DD I still get stupid comments and they still annoy me! Xxx

[Adia]

I just angrilysaid "thanks" and it all went a bit awkward after that. I don't think she realised that it would be hurtful
and assumed I would laugh it off, but it really stung and I now feel really ashamed that I am planning on swaying for a girl.

Grr, wish people would think before they speak!

Many of us with multiple kids of the same gender have dealt with that crap for years. I think its good that it went awkward. Maybe your friend will think twice about saying such stupid things next time.

You shouldn't feel ashamed about swaying for a girl. What is wrong with wanting the experience of both genders? Many people want the experience of traveling to another country, what is wrong with that? Nothing, its perfectly normal and acceptable.

The problem being that society has a double standard and if you want a different gender than what you have, you are deemed ungrateful, but if you don't have a PP you are incomplete. Lame double standard.

Try to ignore their ignorance and know that you aren't alone. I have dealt with the lame "OMG, your poor DH comments for years". Now that we are having a boy I quickly shoot people down with, "we would have been thrilled with another girl too!" It is hard to hold my tongue sometimes after all the crap I took when prego with DD3. If I did it again when I was prego with DD3 I would lie and say I didn't know the gender.

Big hugs mama, people who don't have GD can be such idiots.

[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

People don't know.... It's ok to be mad but they really do not know...
And as for that saying? My fil was the BEST dad in ye world and his boys always came around and basically worshiped him, but us daughter in laws did too :) that saying is a load of bs


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[XXforhubby]

This saying drives me nuts! My DH is super close to his mom! I am too and she is more of a mom to me than my own mother!

My grandma has three sons and they ALL take turns taking care of her- all THREE!! It's ridiculous to think that only girls will help their parents in old age. Ugh, I truly believe people just don't stop to think before they speak.


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[atomic sagebrush]

It is TOTAL bullsh---.

Practically everyone in our whole entire family, it has been the sons who care for the parents and the daughters go off and follow their husbands on their careers all across the country. It's true for both of my grandparents, both my husband's grandparents, and our cousins and friends of the family too. The daughters end up going wherever their husband wants to and the sons live nearby.

My mother in law is my best friend! My adult sons are grown men and while they're not married we are still buddies and I talk to them all the time, we have tons of stuff in common and enjoy hanging out together (and I don't think it's just me saying that LOL)

Remember, there are whole cultures in Asia and Africa where the sons are preferred because they stay with the parents. This is not some biological setting or anything, it's a cultural belief and it's really not even MUCH of a cultural belief.

[atomic sagebrush]

^^^also totally agree with Adia that some of the happiest and most involved fathers I have seen are all-girl dads. There is no "oh your poor DH" either - I think men love having all girls.

[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

I came back to this bc I keep thinking about all the men I know who are really involved with their parents . My ex called his mother every day. My husband calls his mother every day and works on her farm 2x a week. A retired friend at work developed cancer and it's his SON who moved him in to care for him.
Atomic my mil is my bf too.



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[nuthinbutpink]

It's actually a fact that more men take care of their parents later on than women. That saying is just an OWT.

[jennypenny]

Wow, thanks everyone! It is so lovely to hear that I am not alone in feeling like this!

It's so sad that people need to reflect their own issues onto others with their smug comments.

I sometimes feel the pressure as I will be the last one trying for another baby in my family. Both my sister and sister in law have 2 boys but unlike me they content to finish at that. I have always wanted three children though,and would love it if this next one was a girl (do not ever allow myself to mentally picture what she would be like, for fear of having an imaginary baby to grieve if it was a baby boy)

Going to give myself a break from these friends (frenemies) for a while.

Although it was actually them that led me here when one was talking about a neighbour who was `gender swaying` and on a diet and doing lots of cardio (the neighbour had a successful sway! I later discovered), while they all rolled their eyes, I was mentally noting `gender swaying` to Google at home haha!

Thanks again everybody xxx

[Dana-Alicia]

Ugh really, some people are so insensitive! You should see my dad and his mom. She has been ill for 8 years and he goes to take care of her 3 times a week. He has 4 brothers and 2 sisters and they all take care of her in shifts. How lucky is she! My sons adore me, like all kids adore their parents (except when they're teenagers lol but they'll grow out of that phase ;)). I think you did well by saying 'thanks' sarcastically and letting them know they are crossing the line. This is not about gender, this is just plainly making rude comments about someone's kids and your relationship with them. A major no go!