My niece

[momamia4]

So my niece (DH's brother's baby) just had her first birthday. For some reason this little girl has triggered my GD, like no other, since the day she was born. I have 7 other nieces on my side of the family and this little girl was truly a miracle for my BIL and his wife (they were told they were both IF). But I can't help but fight back tears every time I see her. My SIL just posted a pic of me holding her at her birthday party on FB. Then my DH's grandma posts about the pic and says, "Here's your only chance to hold a baby girl! Enjoy it while you can!"

W.T.F?!?!?! Who freaking says something like that?! Seriously!!!! So here I am hiding from DH and crying so he won't think I'm a crazy fool. Why does this (GD) have to happen to people?! I am so happy for my BIL and his wife but at the same time, I don't understand why a DD seems to be such an absurd thing for me to even wish for. It seems like everyone else agrees that I'm doomed to have only boys. :( Sorry for all of the whining but I don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff.

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[XXforhubby]

Aw! That did seem rather insensitive! I'm a firm believer that people just don't stop to think before they say/post things. I would hope that she was just making light of things, but I do think it was in poor taste.

I do know that TTCing is rather hard and then swaying adds a whole other dimension. I think all of this makes what we are trying for front and center. When we were trying for our first, most of us weren't swaying and just wanted a baby. Swaying for a gender makes what we hope for ever present and seeps into our everyday lives in ways it wouldn't otherwise.

I sure hope you get your DD! Hang in there sweetie!!


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[momamia4]

Thanks, XX! Swaying really does make me much more emotional. I think it's all of the pressure. I feel like I need to succeed. Luckily DH said that if our sway doesn't work then we can go HT! :) That seems to help a bit but our DD is still at the back of my mind.

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[covered in blue]

Big hugs xx That was a terrible thing to write! I feel your pain :(

[Claire33]

OMG, grandma, that was just a horrible thing to say! But I agree with XX, people just don't think before they say something super insensitive. I guess a lot of people don't realize that people actually are struggling with GD and then they can say whatever they want, because they assume it doesn't affect the person.

What is it about this particular niece that triggers your GD that your other nieces don't. Just wondering :)

I was wondering how old you are (since your kids are not super young), and if you could consider doing HT already now? Otherwise I wish you lots of luck with your sway!

[luckyfourleafclover]

omg I cannot believe the grandma wrote that! It is just so incredibly insensitive and even more so given the heartbreak you have suffered.

I have a niece who is almost 2, and it has been a real struggle for me too. She is my only niece and there are no nephews yet! I really love her and I am happy for my sister, but I am so jealous too. My mum also says really insensitive things like comparing my boys to her, and showing me pretty outfits she has bought...its really hard.

[Adia]

What a lousy thing to say!! Why can't people just put something nice like "two lovely ladies!" It seems like some people go out of their way to offend. I find it hard to think that someone who is a grandmother isn't wise enough to realize that would be hurtful.

I have certain SILs and nieces, etc that are harder than others to deal with too. One SIL in particular is tough for me because she ordered BBGG and got it. Just like everything else in her life...she orders it an the people around her jump to make it happen even when she is so ungrateful and unkind.
As time passes I KNOW she has some serious downsides to her life and I DON'T want her life, but it still sucks that something I struggled with so badly (GD), and had to work so hard for (secondary infertility/TTC blue) was completely effortless for her. Their may be things she sees as a huge struggle for her but not me, but having her ordered gender isn't one of them.

[atomic sagebrush]

There is a set of old people who are miserably unhappy and like to spread that around to others. They've lived a long time and are really good at picking out the one thing that sets your teeth on edge. I think it's a generational thing (I HOPE) and while I know it isn't easy, try to view this as not a gender disappointment remark but as a "person who is trying to be a super big beeyotch and picked out the one thing I am sensitive about to do it."

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh and when it comes to nieces, one thing that I found, was that I didn't want THAT baby, I wanted MY baby and it really seemed to help a lot, having that realization. I love my nieces of course but it wasn't that little girl that I just felt was out there waiting for me.

[momamia4]

I am 32 (we started really young!!). DH wanted to give swaying a try before we went whole hog with HT, although if I'm not pregnant by October that might change. I think this particular niece triggers my GD because she looks like my DH. She has dark hair and the same round face that his family has. My other nieces all have light hair and are children of my 2 half sisters. They look more like my sisters' dad's side than our mom's side. DH, our kids, and I all have dark hair. DH has very strong genes, so all of our kids look like him.

Thank you ladies for your kind words. They really do help!! :) This particular grandma is really just a mean person and always has been. She likes to get people riled up because she thrives on drama. It's actually one of the reasons we don't visit her often. I should have expected her to say something snotty like that but for some reason I was completely blind sided by it.

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[Kittybear]

The more I see/ hear of the word, the more I think that people are, in general, insensitive and ignorant. I try to tell myself that is a benefit of GD as I (hope) I would never hurt another mum/ parents by saying something stupid about their child/ kids that could trigger GD in them. :/ I'll just say other stupid things instead ;) xxx

[momamia4]

Lol! That's true kittybear. I am definitely more sensitive toward people and the genders of their children.

I also realized that another reason I think my niece triggers my gd is because her parents really wanted a boy and they got a girl instead. They were actually in denial, and still are to a certain extent, that she is a girl. They decorated the nursery with a boy theme (the movie Monsters Inc) despite the fact that they knew she was a girl from early in the pregnancy. They also buy her "boy" toys, like trucks and baseball themed things rather than more girly toys like dolls. It just doesn't seem fair that they got the girl I so desperately want when they actually wanted a boy. I'm sure they are struggling with the fact that she will probably be their only child and they won't ever have the boy that they want. I try really hard to be sympathetic to them.

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[Claire33]

I understand, I also have a niece that looks like me and my DH. But somehow I just manage to "shut it out", even though she is a reminder of what I could have. Luckily I didn't have to deal with it for very long, since I found out girl not long after she was born. But still, my SIL's pregnancy was difficult because she was so smug about getting a daughter. Everyone was going on about girl, girl, girl, dresses, frills, since she is the first girl in the family. I would prefer that they would do like you describe, buy trucks and cars for their daughter instead of dresses :bigsmile:

But it does seem unfair that they didn't get their DG and neither did you. Sometimes I wish we could just swap with someone who wants what we have and the other way around. But that just isn't the way it works unfortunately... Hence the GD beast.

Good luck with your sway! 32 is still young enough to sway and then do HT with next child, if you get pregnant relatively quickly that is, and don't get your DG through swaying of course :D

[momamia4]

Thanks Claire! That really helps!! I really appreciate all of the support you lovely ladies so readily supply. It's amazing!! :) <3

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[Dana-Alicia]

Oh hun, that was a nasty comment grandma made!! Ugh! I agree with the other ladies, some people really don't think before they open their mouths and others are just plain mean. I really hope you get your girl soon, you so deserve it.

[momamia4]

Thank you so much Dana-Alicia!! :)

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[Ashforblue]

How rude!! Some older people like to think they can say whatever they want!!! I think it's awesome that you have such a supportive husband!!

[momamia4]

Thanks Ash! He is pretty great, lol!

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