Feeling pressured

[Bobster]

Is anyone else feeling inadvertently pressured by OH to have their desired gender?
My OH keeps saying things like he feels like we'll have a girl next and suggesting girls names. Hes excited about the prospect of a girl and it makes this stress even harder. I don't think he knows the extent of my worry about it as he wouldn't understand.

I keep suggesting and talking about boys names and even bought a new blue and green baby blanket as in trying to think positively about having another boy. I think it's harder and more pressured as we only want one more baby.

I feel guilty on a day to day basis for not doing the diet and/or exercise and feel if we have another boy that I didn't do enough. I almost wish I didn't know about this stuff as if it fails I think I'll blame myself for not being strict enough.

I know it can go either way however strict you are and it's no ones fault but it's a constant worry on my mind. It's distracting all my thoughts as I'm constantly analysing peoples families and things they 'do' to look for trends. Then when i start to feel ok I read something to make me doubt it all, the most recent being aspartame Argh! I don't know whether I should try to stop reading stuff all together now.

The worst feeling is feeling like I've let OH down, even though he would hate me to feel like that and I'm sure would be happy with a boy as well. Hate the thought of him feeling disappointed :(

[nicki85]

Dear bobster

I know exactly what your talking about! My dh is the same bringing up girls names and even already talking to the kids about them having a baby sister.(I'm not even preggo yet) I dont feel comfy about it eather and always bring up boys names and tell the kids theres no baby on the way yet. They are still small and dont get bothered with it. But dont feel stressed over it, i think its just dh's way showing me hes on my side and thats his way showing me that. I know he will be fine if its another boy and so will I even if a babygirl has been something i have wanted all my life.

Talk to him and tell him how you feel! I'm pretty sure its just his way of supporting you and beeing positiv.. :)

Besides, if your feeling guilty of not doing exercise and diet, can I ask why not? I'ts our last baby too and I'm trying to do both, I know I could do better on both but I'm hoping that its enough and I can see a difference.. :)

[Bobster]

Thanks for your reply nicki, it's nice to know others feels similar.

I'm trying my hardest to do both but struggling with time and energy balancing LO and working. I'm exercising about 3 times per week for an hour but after long days at work (12 hours) I feel too shattered. This week so far I've exercised every other day. How are you finding the diet and exercise? How long have you been on it for and been Ttc for?

[nicki85]

I can only imagine after a 12h day at work it would be exhausting to workout...

I've been dieting low carb since new year and switched to LE in May. I'm at my lowest adult/conception weight but would still love to loose another 10lbs but have a plateau at the min. Do you prepare or have a weekly menu that you follow? I'm not great with planning but I only go grocery shopping once a week and only if really must go to the local shop (its more expensive) I buy rice and pasta, the veggies that we like (atm: Tomatoes, cucumber, iceberg or romana salad, carrots, asparagus) I like to prepare in advance, like today I made enough rice to keep till Wednesday for me. For the kids I'm making the kind of things they really love and thats mostly the most easy things like a sandwich and yogurt plus I always make a salad for all of us. We wanted to starting ttc in July but dh and i thought wth and went for it this month, in the 2ww now but not disappointed at all if i can have another month or 2 on the diet.

Maybe you could go the route of couch potato and concentrate on the diet? I'm thinking this swaying stuff is not supposed to make us crazy and if you cant do both with a good feeling try to do one and then in the months ttc use antihistamines/supps/one attempt at +opk and if possible try to relaxe. I've invented a bath a day into my routine and its amazing how i feel at peace with all... Hope to help..:)

[XXforhubby]

I can totally relate Bobster. I swayed hard for a DD for my DH. He wanted/wants a DD so badly. I didn't mind having another boy- it's all I've ever wanted! I ended up finding out that baby #3 is a boy [emoji4]. DH is surprisingly happy about it and bonding with this baby way more than he did with DS2. DH's GD was really bad with DS2, and he didn't bond with him until he was 6 months old. I had a great sway but ended up having to try and increase my fertility as time went on not getting a BFP. I believe that even though my sway was great, if my fertility hadn't tanked so bad, it might have had a different outcome. But, we are pleased and blessed to have this new little guy come into our life! DH doesn't want four kids unless it happens by accident, and he has a huge amount of anxiety thinking about it. Time will tell though.

You have to make swaying work for you and your lifestyle. If you can, I would consider doing the LE diet. You don't have to exercise if that seems like it is too much. It doesn't have to be intense. I just walked for an hour. Sometimes I really pushed myself but even walking casually is fine. Above all else, just have 1 attempt in your fertile window. You don't have to use opks, just BD every 4 days when AF ends until the latest you've ever ovulated or until CD20. That's it. If you only do the diet and BD every 4 days, that is a fantastic sway!

Hang in there sweetie, [emoji8]!


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[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

What a great response XX & nicki.
I found comfort in reading these responses. I too feel like I'm not doing enough, or enough all the time; although my DH is totally not stressing at all - he's so the opposite - we don't even talk about it anymore - im done reading him essays and posts - I just say when it's go time and im he's there.


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[Bobster]

Thanks to all of your responses. It really does help talking to others about this as I don't think I could talk to anyone in real life for fear of being ungrateful. I'm not ungrateful as I do fundamentally want a healthy baby whatever it is and I know OH feels the same. It's hard though as he's convinced we're having a girl next, like it just works like that!

I may start planning meals and organising meals more that's a really good idea. It may relieve some of the stress. Today I went to a BBQ an there was only meat options there so I tried hard to resist eating too much and filled my plate with salad but I find it really difficult to resist sometimes and am always conscious of what I put in my mouth! Can't wait until bfp when I don't have to think about it anymore. I'm on my bike at the moment so going to keep going with the exercise as it's got such good results and I'm in run up to ovulation at the moment and keep doing bd on every 4 days.

How do you keep track of protein when you cook from scratch? Do you use an app or anything? I am just guessing as I tried my fitness pal but have up as found it difficult keeping track of it. I might write a list of common foods and their levels so I keep on top of it more accurately.

Xx in sorry your sway didn't work out but I'm glad you are happy with either and OH is feeling ok too. Do you think it makes a difference? Did you have any surprises with your other boys?

Hit me how long have you been swaying? What are you doing to sway?

[atomic sagebrush]

This wasn't the case for me and there is a pretty big group of us whose husbands aren't supportive at all or are even actively opposed to it. I'm sure it does make it more intense a feeling to feel like his wishes are riding on the outcome! :) (Can I admit a little jealousy on my part!!)

[XXforhubby]

Thanks to all of your responses. It really does help talking to others about this as I don't think I could talk to anyone in real life for fear of being ungrateful. I'm not ungrateful as I do fundamentally want a healthy baby whatever it is and I know OH feels the same. It's hard though as he's convinced we're having a girl next, like it just works like that!

I may start planning meals and organising meals more that's a really good idea. It may relieve some of the stress. Today I went to a BBQ an there was only meat options there so I tried hard to resist eating too much and filled my plate with salad but I find it really difficult to resist sometimes and am always conscious of what I put in my mouth! Can't wait until bfp when I don't have to think about it anymore. I'm on my bike at the moment so going to keep going with the exercise as it's got such good results and I'm in run up to ovulation at the moment and keep doing bd on every 4 days.

How do you keep track of protein when you cook from scratch? Do you use an app or anything? I am just guessing as I tried my fitness pal but have up as found it difficult keeping track of it. I might write a list of common foods and their levels so I keep on top of it more accurately.

Xx in sorry your sway didn't work out but I'm glad you are happy with either and OH is feeling ok too. Do you think it makes a difference? Did you have any surprises with your other boys?

Hit me how long have you been swaying? What are you doing to sway?

I made sure to only eat 2oz of chicken or turkey once a week (I had to do Atomics fertility diet and didn't want to eat meat daily). My hands are small and I would only eat a half a palm's worth. I paid attention to the protein totals in my grains and pastas, but that was it. My protein was low, because I always felt tired (I always feel this way when my protein is too low). Now that I'm eating a little more meat, I'm not sleepy [emoji4].

I don't think I could ever get GD- I just love babies too much [emoji4]! I only wanted to have boys, so I'm on cloud 9!! DH on the other hand, I'm not sure about. Knowing what I know now, I believe I could sway my odds and get a DD for DH. I just don't know if having another child that would be 15-18 months apart from this baby is best for our family. I'll have to wait and see what this baby's temperament is like before making that decision.


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[Bobster]

Good idea to wait and see how you feel after baby is here. Why would you have to have them so close together if you had another xx?

I'm looking forward to ovulation 1 week today. Something tells me this is not going to be my month though. I'm trying my best with exercise and have done it 4 days in a row today :) also feel since my moan I've stuck to diet a bit more.

I'm going to be sooo scared/anxious when I get my BFP.

[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

Thanks to all of your responses. It really does help talking to others about this as I don't think I could talk to anyone in real life for fear of being ungrateful. I'm not ungrateful as I do fundamentally want a healthy baby whatever it is and I know OH feels the same. It's hard though as he's convinced we're having a girl next, like it just works like that!

I may start planning meals and organising meals more that's a really good idea. It may relieve some of the stress. Today I went to a BBQ an there was only meat options there so I tried hard to resist eating too much and filled my plate with salad but I find it really difficult to resist sometimes and am always conscious of what I put in my mouth! Can't wait until bfp when I don't have to think about it anymore. I'm on my bike at the moment so going to keep going with the exercise as it's got such good results and I'm in run up to ovulation at the moment and keep doing bd on every 4 days.

How do you keep track of protein when you cook from scratch? Do you use an app or anything? I am just guessing as I tried my fitness pal but have up as found it difficult keeping track of it. I might write a list of common foods and their levels so I keep on top of it more accurately.

Xx in sorry your sway didn't work out but I'm glad you are happy with either and OH is feeling ok too. Do you think it makes a difference? Did you have any surprises with your other boys?

Hit me how long have you been swaying? What are you doing to sway?

I've been skipping breakfast since jan, but proper attempt at LE started mar 23. I jabe been pretty good but I do have cheats but also says where im way under.
I am breastfeeding, doing a wishy washy cardio plan (I can do the 60, and a fair number of times in the week but I can't go all cycle bc my cramps get so intense).
And I'm also doing Clomid. I'm half assed swaying for twins too.
I was doing fibre with the diet and ran out, but will be getting more. I do folic acid and that's it. DH takes ole but never remembers is, he's as wishy washy with it as I am with cardio.


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[Bobster]

Hit me you sound like you've got a really strong sway! I wish my OH would take ole but there's just no way. I've been doing it about as long as you. I started tweaking my diet and skipping breakfast in feb but properly knuckled down in April/may.

I wouldn't worry about exercise all month. Especially if bf as you need energy for that too. I know I won't do it 6 days all cycle so I'm just aiming for more frequency from af-o. This is my 5th day in a row of 1 hour cardio! There's no way I'll do it tomorrow as on a long day at work but will try on Friday and the weekend.

Have you lost much weight so far? I was thinking of adding in fibre, may get some today. Is there a particular type/brand that's recommended and how often do you take it? I saw some powdered stuff that you add to drinks, is that better than tablets do you know?

I got ewcm after a wee this morning (yippee!) cd 14 and usually ovulate cd 20, bd 2 days ago so will bd again tomorrow hopefully. Hoping I get a but more ewcm around cd 20 this cycle. Opk negative this morning.

[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

I don't think it matters with the fibre so much -I've heard benefibre is tasteless (powder added to water), but I tend to do my more fatty options out of the house so the caps stay in my bag; just in case. I lost 31 pounds since DSs 4, 13 of that in LE.
I do feel good about my sway but I panicked the other day - I've panicked 2x now - got that feeling like no matter what I did it wouldn't work, and that I was "failing" at swaying but I got my head on again, with help from the ladies on here too.
Originally I was pretty strict but bc I had less time ok the diet (at my first attempt), and then the ttw killed me, AF was not much easier, and then I found myself just cheating more but in total the time or amount i cheated was really low compared to my normal pre-LE diet. Even when I was dieting to weight loss, I ate super healthy - healthy fats, lean protein (and lots of it), and I still opted for fuller fat Dairy -especially cheese and yogurt.
So Yep I'm ready! I'm cd 9. My nerves now are my luteal phase. I had a really short one for my first TTC cycle but before that I wasn't able to confirm O so idk if s normal for me, or if bc I messed with a traditional Clomid schedule (long story) that maybe that's the cause (that's what we're thinking anyway). Time will tell. I Od on cd 18 and AF came cd 26. So fx for me!


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[Bobster]

Are you temping? How did you confirm O on cd 18? Have you stopped contraception recently? Is your luteal phase usually 14 days?

Sounds like your eating habits have changed completely which is good! I had some bloods done recently for pcos as I have bad skin so thought I might have high testosterone but all the bloods came back normal. I am eating mainly brown carbs though and wondering about switching back to normal LE as I feel I'm being too healthy. I am eating full fat yogurt and cheese but not much of either.

Apart from that my diet has changed a lot too. I never used to skip breakfast and always had loads of high calorie snacks like chocolate and crisps. I'm trying my best to avoid snacks now but have the occasional one.

You've lost so much weight! Well done :) did you have a lot to lose anyway? I'm a bit worried I will lose too much if I'm Ttc for too long. Friends keep commenting on my weight as it looks quite noticeable on me. I feel better but wouldn't want to be much thinner than I am now (never thought I would say that as always struggled to loose weight in the past!!!)

[Bobster]

Oh and also fingers crossed for you! I'm cd 14 so will share some of the 2ww with you :) I'm excited about my ewcm today as not had any the last 2 cycles. Hope this means I'm in with a better shot this cycle

[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

Lots to answer! So im not fat at all, but my bmi was borderline overweight. I'm short (5 2) and have got myself down to 118. So I had fat but wasn't overweight in today's standards. I still have fat.
I only got AF back March 23. That was my first Period since my last baby. I instantly went on vitex but didn't realize that we should stop at day 14 (or o whichever is first) and took too long, never got an pos opk and screwed my cycle up. I had the appointment for Clomid (for swaying) and he said to take it without waiting on my cycle bc he knew I was on a time line. Some googling led me to believe this was quasi normal. So I did but i literally must have od at the start of my first round - bc AF came back 6 days after I finished. So I couldn't be sure what my Lp was doing for that cycle. So then I took the C cd 3-7 again.... So everything was close together - this was my TTC cycle. I temped an used opks. Here is my chart form that really long cycle and last cycle
http://images.tapatalk-cdn.com/15/06/23/3045d7177091749ecc76199ef8c6693c.jpghttp://images.tapatalk-cdn.com/15/06/23/737d04e01ac5fee10af09e68255506a8.jpg
I did opks all through that first cycle too - I just didn't record all the negative results...


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[Bobster]

Hmmm my periods after ds were all over the place for a couple of cycles... I don't know anything about Clomid or vitex but maybe it might be worth asking your Dr about whether it's not best to have a couple of natural cycles to get your hormones a bit more stable first? Could be completely off the mark though? Did you use Clomid/vitex with ds? Why are you on a tight schedule if you don't mind me asking?

Cd 16 for me and we dtd twice today (oops!) but not due to o until cd 20 so should be ok!

[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

I didn't have time. I'm a wedding photographer who has my season starting in June next year (im turning away may and earlier)... If I do have to move into August for attempts then I'll just bite the bullet and call my clients but i honestly just want to avoid that. I don't like the idea of tarnishing my business name (sad, but it's a harsh reality) and I don't have the overhead to pay back deposits so it puts me in a pickle.


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[atomic sagebrush]

Hmmm my periods after ds were all over the place for a couple of cycles... I don't know anything about Clomid or vitex but maybe it might be worth asking your Dr about whether it's not best to have a couple of natural cycles to get your hormones a bit more stable first? Could be completely off the mark though? Did you use Clomid/vitex with ds? Why are you on a tight schedule if you don't mind me asking?

Cd 16 for me and we dtd twice today (oops!) but not due to o until cd 20 so should be ok!

DO NOT skip months "to get hormones stable" that's what the Clomid is for!!!

If your hormones are weird enough to warrant Clomid, it takes more than a month or two for them to normalize. Your body does work to fix things over time but I think it is best to use the Clomid to do the heavy lifting if one is able to get it.