HT or Sway...that is the question..

[Bella2boys]

Hi ladies, I am another newbie here joining from London, hoping to begin my journey to get my dream baby girl soon! I am 35 and I am a lucky mum of 2 lovely boys ( aged 4 and 1.5) and part of me feels guilty for wanting more! But my desire to have a little girl, that I am sure that many of you can relate to, is just so strong...So here I am hoping to ttc in next few months ( most probably early 2016) . So after lurking around here for a while I have learned a tone of useful info but I am still torn as to what route to take - HT or Sway. If I go for HT , U.S. is not an option for me due to cost/ time needed so likely to be Cz or Cyprus... I think I can only afford one cycle anyway. I have no fertility problems, in fact we conceived both kids on the first try but from what I understand this does not really translate into much better chances of success with IVF...and the whole process does seem to be so taxing in many ways. I understand though that this is the only way if I want 100% of having a girl as swaying may not work ...again part of me thinks I would be happy to have a 3rd boy but that would realistically be our last child and I am really not sure how would I feel if I lost my chance of ever having a girl..so any advice would be much appreciated... Were any of you also torn between the two options? What made you decide?

[nuthinbutpink]

It's all about the guarantee. It's about being able to admit to yourself that you don't just want another baby. You want a daughter. That is what HT is about.

[ocean]

Agree w NBP. My blog on this:

http://genderdreaming.com/forum/blogs/ocean/2510-why-i-did-ht-didnt-sway-50th-blog-post.html

[coralsky]

Hi there, I also agree with ocean & nbp... I think this depends on whether you are ok with an opposite or not... and possibly whether it is 100% your last baby...
I do remember a member called JAS or JAC started a couple of threads on this subject a while back, and got lots of responses...
let me see if I can find the threads for you...
http://genderdreaming.com/forum/international-ht-family-balancing/35114-deciding-between-pgd-swaying.html
http://genderdreaming.com/forum/ttc-girl/35113-deciding-between-pgd-swaying.html
these threads are both in members sections, but as you are a dream member you should be able to access them. :)
Hope that helps, and good luck xxx

[Bella2boys]

NBP and Ocean and Coralsky thank you very much! Ocean your blog post and Coralski the threads that you referenced were just what I was looking for so thank you for that! Maybe because I am just starting my journey I am still trying to sort my feelings out - I am certain that 3 is the final number of kids for us but do I in fact need the 100% certainty of a girl?Would I be happy with with just a baby, no matter if it is a boy or girl? I know I want a daughter but love having my sons , so surely I should be happy to have one more. Obviously I will get disappointed but how bad is going to be... I realise that this is all very personal so will just keep on thinking/ exploring at the moment before making any decisions

[deaks66]

I personally think that if you are considering ht then you should do it. Your feelings sound quite strong but you are trying to convince yourself another boy would be fine. It would be fine but I think you would still be left with the same desire for a girl and then only have to go and do ht for a 4th (like me). You may as well cut out the middle step and just go ht. So long as you do your research into this clinic (lots and lots of reading/private messaging) I think clinic R would be a great option for you as you have a little while to watch out how current cycles are panning out there. You will understand when you start delving deeper-read the clinic R thread. Good luck with your decision!

[Bella2boys]

Thanks Deaks, having 4th will def not be an option for me..I have looked up Clinic R and its seem like that could be one for me if I do decide to go HT although I understand that lately they are being not very GS friendly, so not sure if I could risk going there given that...although I actually speak the local language ( not a native speaker but..) , wonder if this could help.. Where are you planning to go for your HT? Good luck to you too!

[ocean]

Bella - Many a woman on this site have lied to themselves, telling themselves they'd be ok with another boy or girl….when really, in their heart of hearts….that's not their truth. The tough part is, you can't know if you're lying to yourself or not until it's too late and you're pregnant.

If you have closed your eyes and imagined yourself - truly - with a 3rd of the same gender - and you can know in your heart that you'll be in pain at first but ok in the end…..then sway.

If not…and you can possibly afford HT, as roller-coaster emotional awful as it is….then don't lie to yourself. Go for what you know you want.

Only you know you.

[adnilleinad]

I will have to agree. You need to be ok with another boy. I've done 3 cycles at hrc. Very good pretests except for AFC. Both my sons, I got pregnant the very first month of Trying. First cycle a bad gender split, second one only 1/7 normal and it was a boy, third cycle 1/9 normal. Top embryo girl. Unfortunately Bfn. So it doesnt always work. But it might do. Its a gamble. Good luck with desiding.

[deaks66]

I didn't think a 4th was an option for me either but that's how strong the desire goes regardless of how much a 3rd ds melts your heart. I already cycled and am 33weeks pregnant with my clinic R baby. But it took 3 cycles (2 at Hrc with an FET in between- first cycle embies bfp but later lost, second cycle nt, 3rd and only cycle at clinic R the winner :) )


Thanks Deaks, having 4th will def not be an option for me..I have looked up Clinic R and its seem like that could be one for me if I do decide to go HT although I understand that lately they are being not very GS friendly, so not sure if I could risk going there given that...although I actually speak the local language ( not a native speaker but..) , wonder if this could help.. Where are you planning to go for your HT? Good luck to you too!

[Bella2boys]

Thanks Deaks and Adnilleinad. Deaks I am glad it worked out for you at the end (amazing to hear) and adnilleinad I hope you dream will come true!!! Deaks , can I ask if they Clinic R revealed the gender to you before the transfer? Is it ok to ask here? Or should I PM you?

[atomic sagebrush]

Clinic R did use to reveal the gender but very recently they have balked at doing this. I would proceed with HUGE HUGE caution and look into other options first (not genesis IMO as they have poor results)

[deaks66]

I personally believe the recent gender problems have been due to ladies choosing the wrong dr there (that is not new knowledge but I think a certain amount of complacency has crept in amongst cyclers). It is imperative to do thorough research for this clinic. Yes I got gender info prior to transfer and during transfer... And after for that matter!! But I did a lot of research and stayed very quiet on the gender front until results were in.

[Alias83]

I also am trying HT for a girl, as the ladies have said, even though you would love a 3rd son I know that the gender disappointment would be just as intense. Everyone's feelings differ to the extent of their GD, but judging how I felt when DS2 was born I knew I needed a guarantee if I was going to be pregnant again.
And I understand feeling that 3's the limit.
If there is a way you can afford HT and your GD is strong enough I would give it a shot! It seems like a crazy idea at first, but this forum helps a lot. It's better than always wondering what if?
Of course, it hasn't worked for me just yet, and if it doesn't I may then look at swaying after.. But had to give it a shot first, personally..

Good luck with your decision!