LacePrincess
July 10th, 2015, 10:20 AM
So I'm getting the feeling that, yeah, I'm like going through a bit of a midlife crisis. I do have a lot of stressors coming up, including:
-husband is posted (military) to another city that's 2 hours away for the next 2 years. It's not the worst thing ever, as he can come home most weekends, but it is still insane. Plus his new job involves a lot of travel and possible deployments so there might be a lot more separation than just weekdays for extended periods.
Also, because of this upcoming separation, I can feel myself entering that 'pre-deployment' psychological stage, aka - the stage where I pick fights - a LOT of fights - as a way of emotionally separating myself from dependence on him. It's a well observed phenomenon in the military community. This time around it feels like extra extra stressful since we're talking about two YEARS. Not 'just' 6 months.
-my son's ballet program commitments will be ramping up again starting next month. He's also been picked for a professional show in Oct, so in Sep/Oct the rehearsal schedule is absolutely insane killer. Especially juggling the other two as well. Leaves VERY little time for me-time, with hubby away.
So I always feel like I'm a slave to everyone else's lives anyhow, between being the 'good military wife' for good politics for DH's career, and being the 'good dance mom' for my kids. I'm not complaining, I'm glad to do it, but it's still exhausting with no validations for ME as a person. The one thing I am damned good at is being a mom. And of course we're trying, desperately, to have another baby. But we're not succeeding as of yet, and that is being a giant mindf&ck for me.
Because, well, that is who I am and have been for over a decade now. If it's coming to the end, I'm feeling lost, yk? What do I do with my life? I'm still so young, and is being a pawn for my hubby's career and a support system for my kids' dance careers, is that it for me? Who am I if my 'career' as a SAHM is over? And while yes, I will always be a mom, I won't always be the be-all-end-all for my kids. My older two are starting to blossom into the world, which is great, but I already have early-empty-nest terror.
I do want to join the reserves again, actually. It calls to me as a career. But alas my application is stuck in bureaucracy red tape. :( So, no progress there either, at least not yet. We'll see.
In the meantime I'm just feeling the blues at the thought of being torn in multiple directions and just plain exhausted doing things for everyone else but nothing for me. Without even the company of my husband in the evenings for the next few years on end. It just feels like a GIANT WALL coming up to climb. A very, very high one!
Anywho, I just needed to rant a bit, and just wondered if anyone else has had that crisis midlife crisis in their 30's. Too young it feels like! How to get over it? What worked for you?
-husband is posted (military) to another city that's 2 hours away for the next 2 years. It's not the worst thing ever, as he can come home most weekends, but it is still insane. Plus his new job involves a lot of travel and possible deployments so there might be a lot more separation than just weekdays for extended periods.
Also, because of this upcoming separation, I can feel myself entering that 'pre-deployment' psychological stage, aka - the stage where I pick fights - a LOT of fights - as a way of emotionally separating myself from dependence on him. It's a well observed phenomenon in the military community. This time around it feels like extra extra stressful since we're talking about two YEARS. Not 'just' 6 months.
-my son's ballet program commitments will be ramping up again starting next month. He's also been picked for a professional show in Oct, so in Sep/Oct the rehearsal schedule is absolutely insane killer. Especially juggling the other two as well. Leaves VERY little time for me-time, with hubby away.
So I always feel like I'm a slave to everyone else's lives anyhow, between being the 'good military wife' for good politics for DH's career, and being the 'good dance mom' for my kids. I'm not complaining, I'm glad to do it, but it's still exhausting with no validations for ME as a person. The one thing I am damned good at is being a mom. And of course we're trying, desperately, to have another baby. But we're not succeeding as of yet, and that is being a giant mindf&ck for me.
Because, well, that is who I am and have been for over a decade now. If it's coming to the end, I'm feeling lost, yk? What do I do with my life? I'm still so young, and is being a pawn for my hubby's career and a support system for my kids' dance careers, is that it for me? Who am I if my 'career' as a SAHM is over? And while yes, I will always be a mom, I won't always be the be-all-end-all for my kids. My older two are starting to blossom into the world, which is great, but I already have early-empty-nest terror.
I do want to join the reserves again, actually. It calls to me as a career. But alas my application is stuck in bureaucracy red tape. :( So, no progress there either, at least not yet. We'll see.
In the meantime I'm just feeling the blues at the thought of being torn in multiple directions and just plain exhausted doing things for everyone else but nothing for me. Without even the company of my husband in the evenings for the next few years on end. It just feels like a GIANT WALL coming up to climb. A very, very high one!
Anywho, I just needed to rant a bit, and just wondered if anyone else has had that crisis midlife crisis in their 30's. Too young it feels like! How to get over it? What worked for you?