Nearly 44 and hoping for one last girl

[1moregirl]

Hi there. I too am an older Mum. I had my first (boy) at 36, my second (girl) at 38 and my last (boy) at 40 (2 months before I turned 41 actually). I recently did a girl sway (am a member of in gender) and conceived on 13th June and was soooo happy. Did a great sway, had high hcg levels at the start, saw a heartbeat at 6 week scan and really bad morning all day sickness and vomiting AND had the same EDD as our daughter. Then on my 10 week scan I had spotting and went in for a scan and was told baby measuring a week behind and no heartbeat. Got sent home and haemorrhaged that night and rushed back to hospital for emergency D&C and blood transfusion the following day. The whole ordeal was extremely traumatic and even though it was 6 weeks ago it is still fresh in my mind and I'm not fully recovered from it. The gyn docs at the hospital were very positive and reassuring and told me it was most likely a chromosomal defect and a once off and gave me the all clear to try again after next normal period but I think I need a little more time than that. I might be mad, but I would love to try again...yet I don't know if my DH can be persuaded. He didn't really want a 4 th child and I was a bit sneaky about getting pregnant, even though he became excited about it, as I knew he would and was genuinely sad when we lost it. What are your opinions ladies? I had my heart set one last baby and a little girl. I even had a name picked out for her. :( was devastating. And heartbreaking to think of your tiny developing baby just being flushed down the toilet along with all the hopes and dreams you had for it. Our 5 yr old daughter was devastated and still cries about it now sometimes and says she wants a baby sister. Argh!!!! And how do I persuade DH anyway?

[melisha78]

I know how you feel. My first was a boy. My husband only wants 2 children. So I am aiming for a girl. I really want three children but he wants 2. I feel like this is my last shot in having a girl. There are no grand daughters in his family's side. Plus I am old.


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[atomic sagebrush]

Hi and welcome!

My inclination is for you to try again as quick as possible because we never know when it's the last fresh egg in the carton, but of course you need to do what feels right to you. It's possible to conceive in mid 40's, but of course as you know more difficult, may take longer and more losses along the way. It's a lot easier with DH on board though, I hope you're able to convince him.

[1moregirl]

I hope so too Atomic Sagebrush. I've been mentioning it every day and giving hints every day. And I'm well aware of that clock ticking away. I've just finished my first period since D & C but I'm not ready to try again just yet. I haven't been on any sort of diet or anything as yet. My DH is soooo stubborn and adamant that I'm worried there will be nooooo changing his mind. And now he has become super strict with condoms so an 'accident' seems unlikely, unless one was to accidentally break. ;) no....I don't want to resort to sneakiness again. I really want him on board. I am hoping to try in December and January so that still gives me a bit more time to try and win him over.

[katie2boys]

1more girl we no each other from your other post �� i seriously hope you can persuade your dh xx

[1moregirl]

I've already read all the posts here yet I keep getting it flag marked. Hmmm....interesting....

[atomic sagebrush]

site has been a little glitchy the last few days, sometimes when they fix it it makes threads look like they were not read.

[Babygirlquest]

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[1moregirl]

Babygirlquest - thanks for replying. The last time I was pregnant, in the lead up to the 12 week scan, all I was hoping for was just a healthy baby Hun. Yes I'd done a pretty perfect girl sway but deep down I just ADORE newborns and I would've loved a son just as much as a daughter. I lost my baby - whether it was a girl or a boy - the loss is just the same. Does that make sense? Anyway, if we try again yes for sure - the sway will be a lot lighter and more relaxed and I will do a lot of things differently. Thanks. :)

[Babygirlquest]

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[1moregirl]

I don't think a letter or anything will make him come round. He is very adamant so I will probably just have to pray for another accidental pregnancy to occur. Part of me feels like being equally stubborn and saying to him 'no more babies, no more sex.' It makes me angry that he is sooo selfishly saying no as well. When I asked him why no he just says he already has no patience with the 3 we already have. Not even because of my health after the last miscarriage. He is just purely thinking of himself not being able to cope with a 4th. Things either have to be his way or no way so I have to play my cards well because this sort of thing can easily become a relationship deal-breaker. Yes I was a bit sneaky last time in getting pregnant but I didn't force him to not wear a condom. Our 3rd was accidental as well and I said it was safe to not are a condom even though I had an inkling I might've Oed somewhere around that occasion. And with both last pregnancies he was really excited about it so I find it selfish that he is just thinking of himself when he is saying no.

[1moregirl]

I have even told him that I would fully consent to him getting a vasectomy if he agrees to trying for one last baby and trying to compromise but he won't even try to meet me half-way. Sometimes I even think he enjoys having this piece of control over me. One time when we were discussing it before the last time I became pregnant he jokingly said, "ok, let's go", meaning lets go straight to the bedroom now and try. And I replied "it's not the right time just right now.' And so he answered with "ok. The moments gone. Bad luck." And laughed a bit about it. That was the attitude that made me take the sneaky option to start off with.