jealousy

[tandjmom]

so here is my story, i have three little boys (4, 3, 15 months), i am having a frozen embryo transfer for my little girl at the end of the month. :nails:
i am excited. what i am having a very hard time with is both my sister (who i am really close with ) just found out she was pregnant with a baby girl (the first in our family) when i found out i was so happy that her baby is healthy but could not help feeling gutted and heartbroken, not for her but because i don't have a girl. its the hardest feeling to feel so happy yet so devastated and jealous at the same time. then this morning i just found out my brother and his wife are having a baby girl (they have a 2 year old boy) again i was so happy for them but heartbroken that i don't have my little girl yet. it is a very strange feeling, as they knew how badly i want a girl, so when they announced it they were trying to not act excited as to not hurt my feelings. i just keep thinking why everyone around me is having girls.
please does anyone have tips on staying positive and not having these feelings of envy. it is the last thing i want to feel right now. it just feels like i am in grade school and the last person being picked to be on a sports team. i just want to feel happy! i feel like nobody can relate to me in my family. there is something so specific about having all one gender.
anyways, i am so hopeful and happy that i could be pregnant with a baby girl soon. so keep your fingers crossed for us. i needed somewhere to vent, so thank you for listening.
xo

[atomic sagebrush]

keeping my fingers crossed for you!

I have worked hard on getting over GD over my life but to this very day, it still bugs me that literally. every. single. person. I know in real life popped out a boy and a girl or a girl and a boy within the span of a few years without an ounce of thought, effort, and seemingly little to no gender desire, and then they're like all "tee hee, totally done, suck on some Disneyland pics". And just like you say I am totally happy for them, it's not that, it's just why not ME. Instead I have 4 boys over 20 years and had to do years of research and invent my own fricking diet to get one measly girl at 42 years old when I barely have enough lifespan left to enjoy her. :/

You're not alone with those feelings of envy - we totally understand. I wish you the best of luck with your little frosty! :)

[nuthinbutpink]

I think many of us can relate. Hang in there.

[Gabby24]

There with u! It takes me forever to get pregnant my boys are 2yrs apart & with this new baby is 4yrs apart (pregnant now don't know sex yet) but I envy my sis in law happy for my brother tho she can get pregnant like a bunny (fast) 5kids 3boys 2 girls & im dying for my little girl as well (praying this is it)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[momamia4]

I try to remind myself how much I value my relationship with my favorite aunt and then try to recreate that relationship with my nieces. It usually helps. Congrats on your nieces! :)

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

You're so not alone. I'm pregnant with ds 5, like atomic over a 20 years span. I figured the odds HAD to be in my favour sooner or later buy apparently not. Me being on a wait list for a xx embryo is saving my life. Sounds so "first world problem" but seriously - I couldn't breathe, and was feeling some pretty unpleasant feelings - none of which though are silly, or stupid or wrong. Just sad that we have to go through it. I have a Facebook friend who has brought a daughter into this world - after between her and dh had 5 or 6 boys (the oldest is adopted, and 4 are his from a previous then 2 boys together) and I have to scroll over the countless photos of her and posts talking how happy she is to have a daughter. Also a UK friend who swayed (she did shettles and is convinced it worked) and she told me to do it so now I have to deal with her questions too...
Anyways moral of the story is we get it. I get you. Keep focused on your transfer and I'll be rooting you on! I can't wait to see you get her and do some pink shopping!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mathilde]

Me too!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tandjmom]

There with u! It takes me forever to get pregnant my boys are 2yrs apart & with this new baby is 4yrs apart (pregnant now don't know sex yet) but I envy my sis in law happy for my brother tho she can get pregnant like a bunny (fast) 5kids 3boys 2 girls & im dying for my little girl as well (praying this is it)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

ill pray for you!! i know it can all be so upsetting. congrats on your little one! xo

[tandjmom]

You're so not alone. I'm pregnant with ds 5, like atomic over a 20 years span. I figured the odds HAD to be in my favour sooner or later buy apparently not. Me being on a wait list for a xx embryo is saving my life. Sounds so "first world problem" but seriously - I couldn't breathe, and was feeling some pretty unpleasant feelings - none of which though are silly, or stupid or wrong. Just sad that we have to go through it. I have a Facebook friend who has brought a daughter into this world - after between her and dh had 5 or 6 boys (the oldest is adopted, and 4 are his from a previous then 2 boys together) and I have to scroll over the countless photos of her and posts talking how happy she is to have a daughter. Also a UK friend who swayed (she did shettles and is convinced it worked) and she told me to do it so now I have to deal with her questions too...
Anyways moral of the story is we get it. I get you. Keep focused on your transfer and I'll be rooting you on! I can't wait to see you get her and do some pink shopping!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

congrats on your baby. i understand the feeling of not being able to breath. i pray you get your little xx embryo and sweet baby girl. when i was pregnant with # 3 all i could think about was doing HT next time. so i know where you are coming from. good luck and thanks for the prayers.

[tandjmom]

You're so not alone. I'm pregnant with ds 5, like atomic over a 20 years span. I figured the odds HAD to be in my favour sooner or later buy apparently not. Me being on a wait list for a xx embryo is saving my life. Sounds so "first world problem" but seriously - I couldn't breathe, and was feeling some pretty unpleasant feelings - none of which though are silly, or stupid or wrong. Just sad that we have to go through it. I have a Facebook friend who has brought a daughter into this world - after between her and dh had 5 or 6 boys (the oldest is adopted, and 4 are his from a previous then 2 boys together) and I have to scroll over the countless photos of her and posts talking how happy she is to have a daughter. Also a UK friend who swayed (she did shettles and is convinced it worked) and she told me to do it so now I have to deal with her questions too...
Anyways moral of the story is we get it. I get you. Keep focused on your transfer and I'll be rooting you on! I can't wait to see you get her and do some pink shopping!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

oh yes and i also decided if i get my baby girl, i will forever be so sensitive about what i say and do about having a baby girl. people who have mixed genders, can be soooo insensitive about the things they say. it makes me sad daily. so i made a vow to always be very careful.

[atomic sagebrush]

It's hard though, because people do genuinely enjoy their children and want to post pics of them and talk about them. And they have a right to do that. While sometimes people do say awful things we have to be able to take a step back and look at what others are doing and saying as not always necessarily insensitive but just borne out of their happiness, which they're totally entitled to and acknowledge to some extent it is really our own problem and not necessarily a lack of sensitivity on the part of others. THere is always someone else out there looking at us and wishing that they had what we do and I know I don't always go thru life thinking about the effect I have on someone else when I take joy in my blessings, if that makes sense.

[Hitmebabyonemoretime]

I know - that's so true. Taking a step back is a good thing to do, as soon as your able. I think it sometimes feels like the process of mourning/grieving. When my father in law passed away it was hard to not think of anything else, and when people mentioned their dads or they were doing this or that for Father's Day, it's hard to not feel that pang of hurt... And no one is doing that to spite us or make us feel bad, they're just happy! And eventually we can be happy for them too.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tandjmom]

yes this is all very true.. i am not super upset about when people talk about their daughters or post pics of their children. this i get 100 percent. it is more when i tell people i have 3 boys(really 4 including my step son) the reaction has ALWAYS been negative. i don't think one person has ever said wow your so lucky, or wow what a blessing, or how much fun is that?.. it is always, oh god that must be hard, or how do you do it??, or that is crazy i would not be able to handle it, or you must realllly want a girl (DUH!).. it hurts my feelings, and i feel like i am always defending how beautiful and sweet and fun and wild my boys are. i guess this happens with either gender (when its a lot of the same gender) anyways at the end of the day i think its pretty badass to be a momma to all boys! god gives this job to the mamma's that CAN handle it .. and it sure is a blessing and an important role to raise loving kind boys , because god knows we sure need more of them!. sorry for the rant again, and with all of this being said i am still praying every moment of every day that the little girl i long for will be with me soon. :fingers::XX:

[XXforhubby]

The other day I was at the park with DS2 and there were three moms there that had girls. They were making over my DS2- he is super sweet with kids that are younger than him [emoji4]. Anyway, they all asked me separately what we are having next. I told them we were having our third boy, and we are super excited (to avoid the negative comments that I'm used to). Well they all shared that they had 2-3 girls and longed desperately for a boy themselves. Two of the three had various conditions after their last child that resulted in them having to have hysterectomies. The other woman said her husband went and got a vasectomy while she was pregnant and will not be having anymore children.

For the first time, the shoe was on the other foot! While I've always wanted boys myself and feel super lucky to be having our third, it broke my heart to hear their stories and how much they still long for their little boy!

By the way, they all led a CLASSIC girl mom lifestyle that is EXACTLY what is recommended on this site! I didn't ask them, they just mentioned it to me. I wondered if they knew about swaying or had tried, but I didn't ask or mention it.

FX and GL to everyone that will be swaying again in the near future! I'll be joining some of you soon too, for my DH!!


DS1[emoji125]🏼, DS2[emoji577], DS3[emoji170][emoji577][emoji843][emoji602][emoji170] Jan. '16 I'll sway for a DD[emoji166][emoji171][emoji166] for my DH!!

[meoab]

Well, let me tell you this, I am jealous of the fact that you are having boys! I am such a boy fan, always been and I have been through weeks of disappointment when I heard I am expecting a baby girl. At the moment, those feelings are reduced and I am much more relaxed (the fact that I have found this forum and feel like my next might be a boy, atleast 80 percent lol).
I couldn't share these thoughts with many people. Tried and failed to explain them very well..only my husband understand and it's good we have each other on this web :D.

[meoab]

Well, let me tell you this, I am jealous of the fact that you are having boys! I am such a boy fan, always been and I have been through weeks of disappointment when I heard I am expecting a baby girl. At the moment, those feelings are reduced and I am much more relaxed (the fact that I have found this forum and feel like my next might be a boy, atleast 80 percent lol).
I couldn't share these thoughts with many people. Tried and failed to explain them very well..only my husband understand and it's good we have each other on this web :D.

[atomic sagebrush]

:agree: not everyone knows this but I had really strong gender preference for a son with my first. I had had some negative experiences with fellow women during my school days, and got along super well with guys (so not any cultural preference, just a personal one) I was just lucky enough to get him. I was greedy and wanted a girl too, but I suspect that I would have had even worse GD for a boy than I did for a girl, if I had had only girls.

[tandjmom]

Well, let me tell you this, I am jealous of the fact that you are having boys! I am such a boy fan, always been and I have been through weeks of disappointment when I heard I am expecting a baby girl. At the moment, those feelings are reduced and I am much more relaxed (the fact that I have found this forum and feel like my next might be a boy, atleast 80 percent lol).
I couldn't share these thoughts with many people. Tried and failed to explain them very well..only my husband understand and it's good we have each other on this web :D.

i guess the grass is always greener... sorry about your disappointment. i hope you will have your boy someday. and yes this forum has saved me, at times when i really didn't know who to vent to. good luck to you!

[adnilleinad]

It's also the expectation you put into your children isn't it? In gender. I went to a play date with my sons preschool. Everyone was there. One mom of 2 girls got a bunch of flowers/herbs fro, her daughter. She handed out a few to us, and to me saying"I bet you don't get flowers, as you have only boys, so here is one for you". That made me sad and upset. So I answered truthfully "actually the opposite, my son brings me a flower everyday during the summer".

[atomic sagebrush]

???? what the actual eff. My sons all four of them have brought me about a jillion flowers over the course of their days. Even my adult sons are always doing little things like that. Grrr.

[Babygirlquest]

.

[foxymrsg]

I came on here tonight as I'm struggling and am so glad I've seen your post as I now don't feel so alone.
I've not been on here for awhile as life has been hectic were trying to move I'm at college and I have a new job, I couldn't be anymore stressed if I tried! Lol! But my cousin is expecting and is due any day now....she's team green but I just know she'll get a girl as she has a boy already. I'll be happy for her but so so jealous as well. For ages I've been fine but this last week I just can't Handle anymore. I don't feel I can discuss with DH as he doesn't want another but will have one for me as I think is the case for a lot of men but I just feel so alone right now. Everyone is just having b/g and then living their lives and I'm just so overwhelmed!
Sorry went on one then but I just want you to know you're not alone, and Geiger am I!
I wish you the absolute best of luck with your frosty and will be back for updates xx

[tandjmom]

well i just made it through my sisters girl baby shower. it was the hardest day. i had to put on my brave face, help with all the party favors. i must have heard "little girls are the best" about a dozen times. the worst part was my mom had saved all of these Beautiful vintage white embroidered dreamy dresses of my sister and i's from when we were little. as part of the decoration she hung them up. i have never seen something more beautiful in my life. she told the story of all the little dresses and when me and my sister has worn them. at one point my sister said "mom i want to hang these in my nursery" and my mom just said of course take them!! i was heartbroken because some of them where mine, and i would dream to have them for my little girl. i finally said mom you can't give away the ones that are mine. she corrected herself and said of course not. she opened all of the girl present as everyone oo'ed and aww'ed. i just wanted to cry. i have def. let go and i am genuinely happy for her, and i know i will love my niece like i love my own. but i have to say it was a hard day. my mom put more work into this shower then any of mine and it was so pink and so magical. sighhhh. send me love and prayers for my FET on friday!! prayers prayers and more prayers.

[trifecta]

Hugs (((tandjmom))). That must have been so hard. I think you handled it very well.

[foxymrsg]

Oh Hun sending you massive hugs! Totally feel it! Glad you've managed to make sure your mum didn't give your dresses away, that's unfair! Thinking of you its sooo hard!! My cousin had a girl yesterday.....can't even stop feeling so winded today! Of course though she always get what she wants.....always has, always will.....
Sending you love and hugs Hun.