Missed miscarriage at 10 weeks after girl sway

[1moregirl]

Hi ladies. I did a girl sway back in June (IG) and got a BFP. Everything was going well although my hcg levels seemed higher than normal so we had a 6 week scan and saw a foetus (just one, they thought maybe multiples) and a heartbeat as well. After the 6 week Mark I started getting severe morning-all day sickness and vomiting so my ob prescribed me zofran (which I was uneasy about taking after what I read when googling it). Then on the exact day of my 10 week Mark I had some spotting and bleeding got a bit more heavier so we went to hospital and had a scan and they said to us that baby measured at 8-9 weeks only and had no heartbeat. It was devastating! I'd had 3 healthy prior pregnancies with no complications and three healthy babies. I had conceived my first at 36, my second at 38 and our 3rd at 40. I was discharged and came home but had to get rushed back to hospital that night as I started to haemorrhage, which was frightening. Blood was just gushing and I'd passed some huge clots (one the size of an apple). I had 2 internals and scrapes to see if they could get rid of the clots and stop the bleeding, but it didn't work. I then had to have an emergency D& C and a blood transfusion (2 bags) the following morning. It was all horrendous and traumatic to say the very least. I thought I was going to bleed to death and I actually passed out in ED whilst waiting for the doctor to come and check me. Anyway, that was in August and it's now the end of October. My iron levels are good again but my immune system is still low and I've been getting a few viruses that have been hard to shake off so am back on multivitamins to help that out. I still feel traumatised by that ordeal but I could possibly try again one last time perhaps in January. I have two boys and am blessed to have at least one little daughter in the middle. But I was certain this last child was a girl I was carrying as well. I'd done a near perfect sway right down to the right moon sign and the EDD was exactly the same as we'd had for our first daughter. The 19th March, only our first daughter had arrived on 12th March. I'd been soooo happy when I was pregnant and felt complete, only to lose it all and feel devastated already. I know it was only a foetus to the doctor and some other people, but to me, it was our baby and maybe a little girl and I had names picked out and was already wondering what she/he was going to look like. A loss is a loss. I also found it difficult to accept that my little foetus had been flushed away down the toilet like some people do with a dead fish. That part really hit me hard. It was awful. I bought myself a silver pendant in the shape of a heart and it's of a mother and baby figure to remind me of the one we lost. I sometimes find myself in the shower still writing her name when the glass fogs up. Perhaps I should be over it by now but I was soooo upset and heartbroken and now it seems like all my friends are pregnant again and I see pregnant women wherever I seem to go. Part of me feels like the zofran caused the miscarriage as I didn't feel right taking it and perhaps I reacted to it as every night I would go to bed feeling extremely thirsty and parched (this was ahappening in the last few weeks of the pregnancy before the miscarriage).

[purple]

Sorry you are still not coping after your loss. There is no set time to greive so you can take as long as you need.

I found my 1st miscarriage the hardest so add that to a very traumatic experience it will be hard to get over. As I mentioned in another one of your posts my miscarriage earlier this year was almost exactly the same experience so I know pretty well how you would feel.

I suggest speaking with your gp to get a referral to see someone to talk. The gp can put you on a mental health plan and you can get someone who bulk bills if cost is an issue. After my 1st miscarriage I did this to help process some feelings etc.

Part if the grieving process also involves trying to blame it on something or find a reason why but sometimes these things just happen. My dr told me it is 1 in 4 pregnancies that end in miscarriage but then I still ask why then was it 2 out of 4 for me?

Time does heal the pain but until then try to take care of yourself.

[ksmom]

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. Losing a baby is never easy, no matter how far along. I'm currently going through an early miscarriage myself and it's much harder than I imagined. I came down with the stomach flu right before I miscarried so of course I was quick to blame that. We all have those feelings of "I wish I'd done this" or "I wish I wouldn't have done that" but it's not our fault. It's not. Just take however much time you need to grieve because it's okay to be sad. It doesn't matter if other people or the doctor see the baby as just a fetus, it was YOUR baby that you carried. I know it's hard seeing other pregnant women around you. A lady in my mommy group announced her pregnancy the day after I started miscarrying so I've left the group for awhile.

Take it one day at a time and talk to someone about your feelings if you need to, including here. I hope in time you're able to find peace and I really hope you get your little rainbow baby very soon. Hugs!

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm so sorry for your loss...

[The Anchor]

Hi onemore. Your story is identical to mine, although I am trying for #3. After three one-hit-wonders, my third pregnancy ended in m/c at 14 weeks. It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through.

I know it may be hard for you, but if you want to try again I highly suggest you start trying right away. Age is not on our side, and I am not trying to scare you, but I have been TTC since that miscarriage in 2012. I am 43 now. High FSH, invisible AMH, my last AFC was 4. Your fertility really is like a switch turning off after 40. Huge hugs to you and wishing you GL.

[1moregirl]

Thanks soo much ladies. I'm good most of the time but just have my days and my moments. I have a good friend due this next coming week so that's a bit hard. I'm not sure how I will go visiting her once she's had the baby and having a cuddle with him/her. It's just so unfair that we women have to reach a stage in our lives where we have to accept we can no longer have any more babies. But I guess it's just another hard fact of life we have to face at some point or another isn't it? I could give it one more try but just getting DH on board is not happening. I think he just feels his age more and admits he doesn't have a great deal of patience with the 3 kids we already have. Maybe I'll just have to take the vitamins and pray for an 'oopsy'. Lol! I can't believe at the time I conceived our 3rd child I was 40 and in a foreign country and had a tummy bug and had to fly home in early pregnancy vomiting the whole way, yet that little bean stayed put and here he is today. I was 2 months of 41 when I gave birth to him and had a healthy pregnancy. So I really believed I could do it again, one last time. Yet I do know of a lady (friend or a friend) who only has one child (6 yr old) and only got him through IVf after numerous failed attempts and only has one embryo left and we think she is just too scared to do anything with it in case it fails again. So I certainly count my blessings and know there are dear women out there far worse off than myself and my heart goes out to those ladies. Having had one miscarriage really makes you understand how fragile the whole baby making process is and I feel so lucky that as an older Mum God gave me the three beautiful gifts I have. I am one of those Mums who loves her children with a passion and I always put them before myself. I had plenty of time to myself in my 20s and early 30s (would've loved to have become a Mum younger but was never lucky in love until I met my DH at 35) so have given up career for my kids as well. Of course I'm not the only devoted Mum - it's just what we do isn't it? I also had an early miscarriage when I was very young (18) - only I just thought it was a missed period as period arrived a few days late but I fainted and doctor said I was miscarrying, so that was a huge shock. I also had another pregnancy in my early 20s that didn't work out, but I don't like to talk of that one. So really, I should have my 6th child on the way. How cruel life can be....but I guess things happen for a reason. The Anchor - do you see a fertility specialist Hun or just trying yourself? What supplements are you taking? 2000mcg or more of folic acid, Coq10? Any other sups? I think if I try again it will be in Jan and I will do a much lighter sway this time. I won't be taking magnesium or cranberry, but may take recommended amount of calcium as I don't eat much dairy. I also, if get pregnant again, will NOT be taking zofran, as I'm still not convinced that this was not the cause of my miscarriage. You see, I also take Zoloft for anxiety and depression and took this for all of my pregnancies and no problem. This last time I was worried that perhaps the Zoloft and zofran reacted together somehow and resulted in my miscarriage. I have read online of other women miscarrying also whilst taking zofran so I'm just not going to risk it next time. Not worth it. I will either suffer with the sickness or take maxalon, as I did with my first two pregnancies, and everything was fine then. I hope and pray for you Anchor that you conceive your third child very soon. Hugs and kisses to you all. I would be lost without all of you lovely ladies to talk to. Xxoo

[The Anchor]

I did two rounds of IVF, one fresh transfer and one FET. I also did two rounds of IUI with femara and trigger shot. All BFNs (and the hardest BFNs of my life).

I am taking 200mcg ubiquinol, 3mcg folate, prenatal (Costco brand), axastanthan, curcumin, and probiotics. If you are swaying girl, I would just go with the folate!

Thanks for your wishes, and I'll be cheering you on!

[1moregirl]

The Anchor - thanks for sharing Hun. I was going to take 2000mcg of folic acid and however much of the ubiquinol. And keep fingers and toes crossed. Anything else you can advise me to do? I was thinking of getting a referral from my GP for a gynaecologist, since my last obstetrician was very rude and negative about my age I don't want to go back to her. Thanks soooo much and I wish you all the best in a BfP and sticky one.

[The Anchor]

I got hooked up with an RE at our local fertility clinic. See if you can get some pretesting done, see what you're working worth, and my RE requested I get a hysterosalpingogram to make sure the tubes are clear. Do you think you can get Femara?

[1moregirl]

Hi Anchor. What is an RE? I've seen like 3 doctors now and for different opinions and they don't seem keen to test me for anything. I guess since I got pregnant very quickly thy don't seem to think there is anything wrong with me - I'm assuming they are jut putting it down to a chromosomal abnormality (as is usually the case with miscarriages) or my age. I'm guessing the only thing I can do is get referred to a different obstetrician, to take my Coq10 and folic acid and just do a very light sway this time (using mostly diet and freq and timing of BD) and leave the rest in God's hands. If I miscarry again, then I will definitely accept the fact that my eggs are past their expiry date and will so forget about any more babies. But, hopefully, and miraculously, I could carry to term and deliver a healthy baby. I'm thinking that is my plan and I will try inJanuary.

[1moregirl]

Also, being 44 now and already having 3 healthy children, and having a DH who is not enthusiastic about any more children, I wouldn't go down the path of IVF. We are also just on one income so don't have much money.

[ever hopeful]

Your chances are much higher of trying natrually than with IVF at 44 anyway. Good luck xx

[atomic sagebrush]

RE - reproductive endocrinologist.

They are not going to tell you any different than anyone else has, unfortunately. Reproductive Endocrinologists are not exactly known for their tact, unfortuately

I feel like we are getting hung up on one thing - there really is no difference between a chromosomal abnormality and your age issue. A chromosomal abnormality can indeed happen to anyone, the odds are wayyyyy higher the older we get. So it very likely was BOTH a chromosomal abnormality but also your age (because the risks of one go up with the other) I am really sorry to have to keep harping on the same thing but I just keep feeling like there is some confusion we are having here.

Again, I am not trying to talk you out of or into anything (because I could not be deterred at 41/42 either even though I knew and understood the risks and it worked out for me by grace of God and it does for other people too) but I just want you to understand what the issue is and why everyone is saying the things that they are saying. Everyone is in solid agreement except the ER people who were seeing you at a very bad time and maybe they did not want to go into the particulars at that point - so they may have fibbed a little so as not to add to your unhappiness at that point in time. please listen to what everyone else is saying and base your decision on the reality and go in with eyes wide open. It can still happen, but it's going to be harder and may not end up happily.

[1moregirl]

Thanks Atomic. I get it.