...Boy #3...

[belter]

As I write this post I have tears ********* down my face. We had our 20 week scan this morning & it was confirmed boy # 3. I'm so sad... The dream of a little girl has gone as 3 kids is our limit (age, finances, etc). I know I'm probably being selfish & self-centered but I'm just sad that we won't ever be having a girl. And to make it worse a good friend is due with a girl (after 2 boys) in March - they weren't even trying for one! Plus another good friend is pregnant with a condemn-fail baby & I just know it will be a girl. My boys are absolutely gorgeous & I cannot imagine life without them but I'm just so sad... Hubby is being great, even offering that I can have some counseling to help cope as he knows how much I wanted a girl. I'm not sure where to next...

[Magical22]

Oh Hun I'm so sorry I think it's totally fine to morn the loss and dream of never having a daughter.

It's going to be hard for awhile and maybe counselling is a good option. I know when you meet your little man he will steal your heart.

Focus on him how innocent and pure he is, think of a name for him and try to connect with him, in your own time.

I have thought about this situation many times as I have 2 boys trying for our third (taking ages). I know my biggest issue will be everyone else's disappointment, my pet hate!




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[covered in blue]

I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. I could have written every word of that about 3 years ago! It brings back a lot of memories! Give your self some time and be kind to yourself! It's ok to feel how you do. I think I cried every day for a month, but eventually I did come around to welcoming another little boy. And he was/is just so lovely! He has a very special little place in our hearts (that's him in my profile pic if you can see it). He was such a tiny wee little thing (6lb 0oz) at 41 weeks born and anyone would be hard pressed to get a cuddle lol. I kept everything really gender neutral for him and bought a whole lot of new things which I think helped a bit. I just couldn't face using the same clothes again.
I just love watching him play with his brothers now and so glad that they all have each other xx

It's been terribly hard watching other people get what I wanted so effortlessly though. My brother and SIL had a little boy at the same time and got their PP that they wanted so was very hard to see everyone so happy for them and they go so many lovely comments while we got the "oh another boy!" "That's enough now!" kind.

We changed a few things (moved closer to family, cheaper house, new job) and decided to try again with a sway and have a little girl due in a couple of months. It's very exciting and my GD is slowly melting away but I will never forget how I felt.

Anyway I'm not sure I can say anything that will help at all but giving you big virtual hugs and hoping that you feel better soon xx

[luvmyfam]

Hugs! I just found out a couple weeks ago that we have boy # 3 on the way. It was very hard to take in at first. We have named him and started shopping for him. It's getting easier.

Covered in blue do you have your sway posted?

[Dreamsister]

I am sorry you feel this. It is a process. I also had boy #3 (no swaying) five years ago and had a slight GD. He turned out to become a huge blessing in our lifes and is a truly beloved and very spoiled littlebrother [emoji4]. My 3 sons have so much fun together and I would NEVER ever trade them for any girl. Being a all boy mum is so much fun and having 3 of the same gender is so cool and great. So don't worry. Time is your friend and you will be happy and feel gratefull again I am sure. Take care. Love and hugs.


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[Claire33]

This was me 3 years ago. It was also supposed to be my last baby, I was absolutely heartbroken, crushed, devastated, I just cried and cried. It took me a few weeks to come back to myself again, but the first 3 days were the absolute worst. After a while I just put on a brave face and faced the world with a smile, and announced how pleased we were to have another boy. When he arrived I fell in love with him immediately. And now, he's almost 3 and he's the most wonderful child, all he wants to do is cuddle and be happy, he is our little ray of sunshine. He just fits into the family, it's so natural and easy when he's the same gender as his older siblings. But I never imagined at the time that I could ever be happy with 3 boys. I was beyond crushed.

Give yourself time, and don't feel guilty. You will fall in love with him, even though right now you are just sad. Allow yourself to grieve, it's a loss of a dream.

As for us, my DH suggested going HT for a 4th. We never got that far as this one just made her appearance all by herself. I'm also in my late 30s but I really did want to do HT for a girl despite my age, 3 times was my limit. But I can understand that IVF at 40 is not easy.

Hugs to you mama

[belter]

Thanks ladies. I'm trying to put on a brave face but I'm struggling so much on the inside. All I can hear in my head is "I don't want another boy!". I know I'm blessed to be able to have kids at all but I'm devastated it's not a girl. When they confirmed boy I physically shut down until we were finished. I'm struggling to keep it together. Hubby wants to think of names but honestly I can't. I'm not one bit excited. And I feel so guilty feeling this way about this bub - it's not his fault.

[Dreamsister]

Give yourself time. It is not the end of the world and you will get over it - trust me. Fuck gender. It is not important and not what matters. Think about the special little personality who is growing inside and will become a blessing to all of you. Being a boy mum is so very special and having 3 of a kind is going to be so much fun. Relax and try to focus on something else. I wish you all the power.


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[Dreamsister]

I think maybe swaying is getting ones hopes up because you put a lot of effort and attention into it, so when you don't get your DG you become maybe more sad than if you haven't done anything.


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[belter]

Thank you. It just sucks! Loads of women get their little girl without even blinking, so frustrating! I know once he arrives it will be OK but right now I'm sad & don't want this bub [emoji22][emoji22][emoji22]. Loads of people have always commented on how gorgeous my boys are so I know I'm blessed. I feel this bub kick & it just makes me cry. And know people would judge & say I don't even deserve a bub with me feeling like this.

I have a friend's little girl's birthday party today & I don't know how I'm going to keep it together... It's a tutu & fairy party! Something I'll never ever do!

Thank goodness for forums like this -- I don't think I could ever tell my friends & family or even hubby how I'm truly feeling. So thank you for letting me just be me...

[covered in blue]

Did you end up going to the Birthday party? How did it go? I can't even imagine!

Try and keep your eyes on your own family and fake it till you make it. That was my motto xx

[belter]

Thanks "covered in blue" [emoji17]. I did go, the boys had a ball. I just kept my sunnies on & kept blinking the tears away while I watched all the little girls around me. It was hard! Then my good friend arrived (the one expecting a girl after 2 boys) & she mentioned we must get together more once our oldest boys go off to school soon & it nearly sent me over the edge as she will have her baby girl in March & I won't ever have one! I'm trying really hard to focus on the boys & hubby but it's incredibly hard.

I do appreciate all the kind words here...

[Babygirlquest]

I have four little boys. The last two I swayed for. Not a perfect sway but a good shot at it. I will say that now I have four the tide has somewhat turned. Everyone stops to comment on my boys in a good way because they are all super cute and look very alike, they are like a little team and best friends.

I decided I didn't want to risk another failed sway, not so much for having a boy but more the GD and feelings it brings, so we are trying to go high tech this year for a little girl. If it doesn't work, and we have limited funds on that front, I'd rather have a fifth boy than no more babies and will just accept that I'll probably not have a daughter.

I will say that my GD is a million times better now I have separated myself from social media. I get pangs but it is really pangs. When I'm around my family on a day to day basis I am never anything but totally all-consumed with how happy my boys make me. They are the most delightful creatures in the entire universe and I wouldn't swap any for a girl, because then they wouldn't be them and they are just perfect.

When I think I wanted all but my ds1 to be a girl it's quite funny. If I could have chosen as a child id always have wanted lots of boys and maybe one/two girls. For me my GD is very much about wanting a daughter and not personal to my sons.

I had the worst GD with ds3 (with ds4 think I just assumed it would be a boy anyway) and it did totally disappear when he was born. I was on a ward with lots of girls who had birthed girls and I showing him off proud as punch. I didn't buy much when I found out I was expecting a boy but I went mad shopping when he arrived. I gave him an awesome name and everyone thinks he is wonderful :-)

Take time to grieve and make a plan (high tech/future sway) if it helps. When he is here it will all be different :-)

[fingerscrossed22!!!]

I found out about 8 weeks ago that I am having boy #3 and spent the next few days (if not weeks) in tears and feeling like I was mourning the loss of having a daughter. It hit me in my stomach whenever I remembered it was a boy and the guilt I felt (and still feel) about those emotions were immense! Someone explained it well though in that I was not upset or disappointed I was having a boy just incredibly sad I wont be having a girl.

My boys are my world and I love being a mum of boys. I think it was just the shock for me as truly felt this pregnancy was different in every way and went into the scan fully believing I was going to hear girl.

I am still devastated about potentially being daughter less but my husband is being amazing. He doesn't want a fourth but says he is open to discussions with me if I still feel the same after this boy is born. I think I will but we will see.

All I want to say is that time is making it easier. I am now super excited about meeting this little man and seeing the bond grow between him and his older brothers. Boys are adorable and my current two are such mummys boys!!

Hope you start to feel better soon and congratulations on your gorgeous son xx