Still feeling GD...... :-/

[TexasMommy]

Im currently pregnant with my 3rd child. I have a DD that is 3 1/2, Another DD that is 18mo, & am expecting another DD due in December.

When I got pregnant with DD1 I didnt care about the gender, just couldnt wait either way....then I got pregnant with DD2 & I really wanted a boy (as did my DH), we found out it was another girl & I was a bit bummed right at first but quickly got over it...then when I got pregnant for the 3rd time I wanted a boy SOO badly. I got a BFP in April & had to wait til July to find out the sex. Everyone around me was telling me I was having a boy..my MIL even bought boy items (clothes, blankets)...then the day of the ultrasound came around & we found out it was DD3. I was so bummed. After the u/s I went out to the car with DH & cried. He told me it was okay & atleast she was healthy. I agreed, healthy is all we can really ask for, but I was so sure I would finally have my son. The day after the u/s I cried all day long. Then I looked at DD2 & remembed how badly I wanted her to be a boy & now I couldnt imagine life without her. That made me feel better because I knew I would feel the same about DD3.

I found out the gender at 18wks, I'll be 27 weeks tomorrow..I would have really thought my GD would be gone by now (granted it has gotten better since initially finding out the sex) but its still not gone. I still find myself looking at baby boy clothes, & having a tad bit of jealousy when I hear of someone else I know finding out they are having a boy.

Finding a name for our newest DD has also been a nightmare...I find it hard to attach to any name. We have changed the name SO many times since we found out. The day after we found out the sex we decided to name her Karson. Then I decided that wasnt it. We ended up changing it to Kameryn. (DD1 is Kaylee & DD2 is Kennedy, so we are looking for another K name) then that wasnt it either...and Ive changed it multiple times because I always feel like that isnt the IT name. But I think Im just having a hard time attaching to another girl name.

I feel like a horrible mother, Im excited about my baby girl, I cant wait to meet her..I just feel bad that im still having boy thoughts & am having so much trouble "attaching" to a name for her. I just want to feel better about the situation...DH & I plan to have One more child in the future...so I'll have one last & final shot at a son. We'll see what happens in the future.

Any advice from anyone that has ever felt this way?

[LolaInLove]

Hey there...your feelings are totally normal, and I am sure with time you will get over them. Perhaps they will fly out the window the minute you see your new little baby. I was right there with you, just a month ahead before I lost mine, and I was sure I'd feel the same way. I don't know if this will help or just be annoying, but putting things into perspective really helps me get over not being able to get pg now. I thought it would be no problem having had 2 healthy kids already, but we are having issues, and at my point now, I would do anything for a healthy baby girl! It just helps me to look at everyone I know who has also lost babies and those who can't conceive and know I'm not alone and my situation isn't the worst in the world. I do have 2 amazing kids and am so blessed that they are smart and healthy. Anyway, I know you probably get sick of thinking about how you should be happy to have a healthy baby, but it's hard when you really wanted one particular gender. Just try to think about all of the wonderful things about the situation and concentrate on that. I hope you feel better soon! And hey, you get another chance, which is really awesome of your DH to be cool with! HUGS xxoo

[nuthinbutpink]

Well, I went through the same thing with my 3 girls. Each time, I had hoped for a boy. All I can tell you is that it does get better. They are all different. They all have their own personalities. The other day, DD3 came and got in bed with me and she started rubbing her feet together under the sheet. I laid there and smiled knowing that I TOO do that and everyday I see a piece of me in her. She is a little piece of me, as our my other kids, walking around this earth and that is special. I think it takes time to get to know our little ones, fall madly in love with them and to get to the place that you cannot imagine your life without them in it. It doesn't mean that there isn't still a space where there is still longing but there is something special about groups of 3.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling down. I still remember that time. It's hard but you will be okay.

[begonia]

She is a little piece of me, as our my other kids, walking around this earth and that is special. I think it takes time to get to know our little ones, fall madly in love with them and to get to the place that you cannot imagine your life without them in it. It doesn't mean that there isn't still a space where there is still longing but there is something special about groups of 3.


I think NBP puts it all so well. And I really do agree with Lola too, it will start to get better (though probably not be gone) once she is here, and you hold her ... I know that for me, once DD2 hit about 1 and I could start to see her personality really coming through, and start to see her and DD1 and their bond ... it became so much easier. And now, of course, like you said TexasMommy - I can't imagine her any other way and am so glad she is exactly who she is. You'll get there. Give yourself some grace, because how you're feeling is real, and you can't expect to just "think" it away.

Re: the naming, with DD2 I had the same issue. We picked a short list of 3 and when she was born I just had DH pick one. I never really could get there. But I love her name and think it fits her perfectly now :) So perhaps get several options, take them with you, and work with that once she arrives.

Hugs Mama! Know you can post here anytime you need support! AND that is fab that y'all will have a 4th! I think a family of 4 kiddos would be amazing. FX you get your blue caboose.

[TTC5]

You ARE NOT a horrible mother!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

[TexasMommy]

Thanks Ladies!!! It means so much & helps a lot to know that Im not alone in feeling this way. I know when I was growing up I always pictured how my life would be when I was married & how many children I would have. I always wanted 4 kids; 2 boys & 2 girls. I guess society sticks it to us as to what the "typical" family should be & that is generally one that has a boy & a girl. All of your words have made me feel so much better though, truly. I dont feel like Im this horrible mother anymore...because I do love my kids more than life itself. DD1 & 2 are my life & as much as I wanted DD2 to be a boy Im thankful now that I have her that she wasnt, because I couldnt imagine going one day of my life not knowing her. She has brought such joy to my life already just in the 18 months that she has been here, as has DD1 & I know I will end up having these same feelings about DD3. I think once I get to the delivery, & I can finally see her & hold her...I will feel good. :)

Begonia-- I see youre pregnant...do you know what you are having?

[LolaInLove]

Aw, well put, TM! I am glad you are feeling better. You are exactly right, there is not one day I wouldn't want my kick ass DD2 in my life. She is the absolute color in our family. And you are SOOOO right about society's notions of what the "perfect" family is....that is the reason we are ALL here on this site. We feel incomplete without our girl or our boy. I just hate that our cultures have done that to us. But, it is what it is, and yes, most of us would like to have both, but sometimes, we are meant to have the most awesome gaggle of girls and ya know what, our lives are not one tiny bit the worse because of it.

Just to make you smile, check out this video (it's the one you love, Begonia): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGwsOg1PArc

XXOO

[swish]

Lola, that is soooo cute!!! What a great idea and such a lovely family!
Tm, I agree with all the other ladies, when you see dd3 and get to know her you wil fall madly in love with her, I know that is what I am focussing on when I think about haing ds3. But your feelings are real, you shouldn't feel bad about them as you know you will love and cherish your beautiful new baby, x

[zanacal]

Aww, it's not easy is it? Big {hugs}.

Lola - that video had me balling! I'm eating some sweets to console myself :D

[LolaInLove]

I know, isn't it adorable? I just love that family, and I don't even know them. LOL Every time I see it, it makes me think a brood of the same is FUN! And it is!

[Zivic-Bubac]

Just to make you smile, check out this video (it's the one you love, Begonia): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGwsOg1PArc

They are soooo trying for a boy. Is it denial or they're trying to fool everyone else?
Cute family, just that last remark ( we were never trying for a boy) annoyed me.

[Zivic-Bubac]

Is there a way to send them a link to this site? :think:

[zanacal]

They are soooo trying for a boy. Is it denial or they're trying to fool everyone else?
Cute family, just that last remark ( we were never trying for a boy) annoyed me.

I must admit I thought it ruined it a bit that they felt the need to say that!

[Flava]

They are soooo trying for a boy. Is it denial or they're trying to fool everyone else?
Cute family, just that last remark ( we were never trying for a boy) annoyed me.

Im so sure they where trying ! And no I don't like this video at all it made me scared ! omg I don't want to be her!

[Flava]

texasmommy- I hope you feel a lot better now! I have 4 girls! I wanted the first 2 to be girl and I was happy. Of course I didn't know that I make only girls...But for #3 I wanted a boy so much ! ( lost 1 before her at 15 weeks and I think it was a boy) i cried for like ever...the I tried again for #4 and it's a girl again!
Now Im here trying 1 last time ...i don't know why...
But for sure you will love your baby girl , we all do!

[ruby]

I must admit I thought it ruined it a bit that they felt the need to say that!

The family were gorgeous, but I agree with zanacal, didn't need to be said.

[begonia]

I think once I get to the delivery, & I can finally see her & hold her...I will feel good. :) I totally agree with this!!!! I felt soooo much better once DD2 arrived, and then once her little personality started to shine ... perfection :) You'll get there, and there's fantastic hope in knowing you will have one more child. FX you get your longed for boy.

Begonia-- I see youre pregnant...do you know what you are having?

I don't know what it is! Didn't even get a good nub as babe was upside down, sideways, and generally wouldn't sit still in my NT scan :) DH has always wanted a surprise so I conceded since I've found out 2 out of 3. And while I *think* I am going to be a-ok, even kind of excited, about a 3rd girl ... I am sure I'll do better hearing that news at delivery rather than at 20 weeks in again. DH would love a boy but he has never cared about it the way that I do. DD2 didn't bother him a single minute

FX you just keep feeling better and better about your GD!

[Glittergirl]

I must admit I thought it ruined it a bit that they felt the need to say that!

I feel the same about the end....so cute until the end remark. But I get it, when you have all one gender it's almost like you are always on the defense. I tell everyone we weren't "trying" for a girl. LOL! I'm sure they want a boy, but in the end they just want another child. I want a girl, but we got pregnant cause I ultimately just wanted a 4th child...regardless of gender.

[swish]

Oh, I missed that bit, lol, don't know how that happened!!! That does ruin it a bit!!

[My Fabulous Children]

((Hugs)) GD sucks, I hope your little boy in your future. GL.

[TexasMommy]

Thank you Lola for that video!!! I bawled watching it. Every baby that God gives us is a miracle & a blessing. Thank you for sharing :)

[begonia]

TexasMommy thought I'd update that I'm in your boat ... found out our bean is a girl as well :) After a sway that I felt was solid, I'm not sure I can try again for a boy, but I can't imagine my life without a son either.

Hope you're doing well though; been thinking about you! Oh, and that video is so precious! I never wanted ANY daughters (ah, God and his sense of humor) and yet when I see that family it does make me think what we have is special.

[LolaInLove]

What you gals have IS special....what we all have is so special. Just the gift of a beautiful child is something we should never take for granted. At this point in my journey, I would be elated to have a 3rd girl.

And that video....I take the end remark to be like you said, Glittergirl, out of natural defense, but they could have done without it. Doesn't turn me off, though.....I think we are all more sensitive to it since we are swaying and here on this site, kwim? But even when I was briefly pregnant this year, I got a MILLION "trying for that boy, eh?"....not that they know about swaying and all, just the idea of having another one in hopes that it's a boy kind of comment. We all know about that. But what is so cute to me about that video is how incredibly adorable that family of all girls is.....we have to remember that we are not some "gaggle of ____" to everyone else, and even though we may want a child of the opposite gender of what we already have and there is nothing wrong with that, we need to remember that what is important is that we HAVE a child in the first place, and every one of them is unique and wonderful and special and an amazing combination of you and your DH and you would not have it any other way.

XXOO TM, glad you liked it.

[CapricornAquarius]

Omg that video made me cry! Made me think how lucky we are, and your so right Llove.

Dd1 :ballerina: Dd2 :giggle: