I am sick of this

[momamia4]

I'm trying so hard to get pregnant. I am taking clomid and getting trigger shots. I'm going on Tuesday for an hsg just to make sure my tubes are actually open. I have never put so much effort into getting pregnant in my whole life and just when I don't think it can get any worse, my brother in law and his wife pop over unexpectedly. They surprise us by telling us they are pregnant with another baby, which they didn't even want. He says he's getting a vasectomy after this to prevent future children.

I thought I was passed the gender disappointment but I just know they are going to have another girl. My DH is so upset. I don't think I've ever seen him so upset. He feels horrible that he hasn't been able to give me a dd but now I realize just how much he wants a dd too.

I feel like a failure. I actually was able to get pregnant last July but for some reason I miscarried. I feel like my body hates me and I will never get pregnant again. I feel like my hsg is going to show that my tubes are closed. If that happens, I don't know what we'll do. I wish I had a crystal ball so that I would know that I will definitely be able to get pregnant again.

I don't know why my gd is triggered so badly by them. I have no problem when my sister announces she is pregnant but for some reason my husband's brother and his wife just set me off. I had horrible gd after their first daughter was born 20 months ago. It was horrible. I just know it's going to happen again when they announce the gender.

momamia4 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com (http://www.FertilityFriend.com/home/momamia4)

[Magical22]

I just had to pop in and say I understand!!

It been over a year ttc for me now, starting my next FET this cycle.

My GD only comes from DH side also. My DH is the oldest child and we have 2 boys his other brothers get their gf pregnant who they have been with with for 3 weeks and they have the first girl on that side of the family, coincidentally on the day I have my D and c. When we first started trying MIL told me I would have the first girl in the family etc etc. Nope. Now the other brother have just had their girl giving them a pigeon pair. Meanwhile I can't even fall pregnant. They do it so effortlessly all their pregnancies where accidents. At Christmas they where taking about how they just look at each other and there pregnant, right about the time I would of been 10 weeks pregnant but had another miscarriage my third!! My SIL also had to take the morning after pill while down there.

I just don't understand why it's so hard for us we are such good people work hard own our own house. Josh's brothers are all on the dole ex ice addicts. So frustrating!!!

Sorry kinda went off on a tangent about my GD. But I just want you to know your not alone! The pressure to have a girl is crazy and I believe if I have another boy it will be really difficult for me to ever be around that side of the family again.

I think it's nice your DH has your desire for a girl, my DH isn't fazed by it at all and doesn't really understand how I feel. He's an amazing DH willing to do anything to get me a girl, he just wouldn't be fazed either way what any of his kids are, he's very placid like that though.

I feel for you with the gender announcement it's terrible!!


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[momamia4]

Thanks, magical! :) I just don't think they get it. To top it off, I think she was going to tell me she was pregnant a while ago (she invited me over to help her clean out their daughter's room) but then didn't because I told her I had had a miscarriage. I don't think she was expecting that.

I'm so sorry that keeps happening to you. It is so frustrating when people get pregnant so easily. I'm glad your DH is supportive. That really helps! :) My fingers are crossed so hard for you!!!! :hugs:

momamia4 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com (http://www.FertilityFriend.com/home/momamia4)

[Magical22]

Thanks, magical! :) I just don't think they get it. To top it off, I think she was going to tell me she was pregnant a while ago (she invited me over to help her clean out their daughter's room) but then didn't because I told her I had had a miscarriage. I don't think she was expecting that.

I'm so sorry that keeps happening to you. It is so frustrating when people get pregnant so easily. I'm glad your DH is supportive. That really helps! :) My fingers are crossed so hard for you!!!! :hugs:

momamia4 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com (http://www.FertilityFriend.com/home/momamia4)

This year is our year!!!! [emoji179][emoji179][emoji179]


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[Babygirlquest]

Oh ladies, my situation is similar but not the same. I am lucky to have no problem falling pregnant but with boys! When I was expecting my fourth son, everyone was having girls after one boy, it was so depressing. I know how hard it is to feel gd. I feel in many ways it has consumed me to point I had to leave social media etc. We are now attempting to go high tech for a girl.

I just wanted to share a few stories of ladies I know who tried so long to have a baby. One had a miscarriage quite late on, she was devastated and to top it off her sister had baby after baby while she felt so raw that she couldn't conceive. Then just like that, out of the blue, bfp with a little girl after two boys. Sometimes it really does happen when you least expect it. I wish you all the best in your cycles and pray for sticky pink bfps soon x

[momamia4]

I sure hope you're right, magical!!! I feel like everyone is going to get pregnant except for me.

Babygirlquest, thank you for your support. I really hope it happens soon. I hope you get your HT girl soon!! :)

momamia4 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com (http://www.FertilityFriend.com/home/momamia4)

[Beau82]

Oh I feel you on the jealousy with BIL and wife. My BIL and his wife are 16 weeks pregnant with their first and I just know she's going to have a girl. She's always sending me things that point to her having a girl and I can feel the jealousy rising. I shouldn't care but I find myself hoping they have a boy. And I know everyone on that side of the family is going to pity me if she does have a girl. DH and BIL come from a family of 3 boys, we have 4 boys and the other BIL has 2 boys so MIL has been waiting for a girl for a long time. I know everyone is hoping that this BIL will be the one to FINALLY produce a girl.

On the other hand, my sister had a girl a few months after I had my third boy and I was absolutely thrilled. Although it does bother me a tiny bit that she got a boy and girl without even trying. But that's only now that I've had my fourth boy.

[momamia4]

Beau82, my MIL basically ignores us now that BIL has their dd. She's the first granddaughter. MIL goes over to their house once a week to visit them. She's never done that with us and our boys. My brother in law is the favorite, so it really irritates me that he got exactly what he wanted and everyone just fawns over them. It's incredibly annoying. I've been trying to invite my father in law (MIL and FIL are divorced) over for a month and he consistently has an excuse. Meanwhile, he's been to visit BIL 4 times!! It seriously makes me want to move away from them. At least then I can pretend like the distance is the reason they don't visit us. Poor DH is feeling so disowned. I feel horrible for him. He seriously has a better relationship with my parents and siblings than he does with his own. :(

momamia4 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com (http://www.FertilityFriend.com/home/momamia4)

[Ttc2015]

I'm exactly the same with my BIL and his wife. I love them to bits, they have a boy already and had a miscarriage last year, and are expecting again this summer. I'm really happy for them as my rational head knows they really deserve this, but I'm so scared they will have a girl. I hate feeling so jealous about this! It would be the first granddaughter and it makes me feel sick that it will happen for them but not us. I'm trying to prepare myself for that. Get my I'm so happy for you face on while quietly dying inside. Can imagine my MIL getting excited buying all the girlie outfits and gifts etc. My FIL would have such a soft spot for a granddaughter, he is like that with his only daughter, treats her differently to his sons. Funny thing is if my own brother or sister were to have a girl I would be so so happy! I think it's that blood/genetic link to a girl that I'm desperate for. I also thought I had got to the point I would be happy to have another bit but I don't think I will ever be happy not have my daughter. I'm a mess at the moment and think I'm going to postpone swaying for a few months to get my head together again.

[momamia4]

I'm so sorry Ttc2015! I can definitely relate to having to put on a happy face. I had to do that while they were here. They were so excited to tell us and I'm sure they were expecting the same response as when they told us they were pregnant with their dd1, but it honestly took everything I had not to throw up all over the place. I was so quiet while they were here. I'm sure they knew something was wrong. As soon as they left, I ran upstairs and cried so hard. It was horrible. I honestly hope no one throws her a baby shower because I don't think I'll be able to keep it together for that. I think you're right about the blood/genetic link thing. I have no problem at all with my nieces from my siblings. It's only my niece from my husband's family. I think it's because she looks more like I think our dd would look (she has brown hair and eyes like we do) than my sister's dd's (they all have blonde hair and blue eyes). I think it will actually help that we don't see them very often. That way I won't have the constant reminder of her being pregnant. I think we'll maybe see them 3 more times before she gives birth. I had to take a break from facebook too. I can't stand to see all of the pregnant women on it anymore. I currently know 6 women who are pregnant and 5 of them are having girls (the 6th one being my SIL who doesn't know the gender yet). Can you believe that?! It's so incredibly frustrating!

[momamia4]

I'm sure part of my difficulty this time too is that she's due only 6 days after my DS3 was born. He died when he was 15 weeks old. With her DD1, she was induced 2 weeks early (I have no idea why) and gave birth the day after DS4's birthday. She tried really hard to have her DD on the same day as my DS4. I think she's going to try to get induced on my DS3's birthday. If she does that, I don't think I'll be able to speak to them anymore. I don't think she is capable of understanding the depth of my sadness and possessiveness of that day. It would be like she was trying to say that DS3 never existed or that her DC is more important. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I'm praying that she doesn't do that. That somewhere inside of her is some compassion for me. Sadly, I don't think she has any. :(

[maidentomother]

That is awful Momamia. :(

[The Anchor]

How awful moma, I'm so sorry. And so sorry for your loss too, why did he pass?

[trifecta]

Momamia, I'm so sorry about your son. It's completely understandable that you would want his birthday to remain a day of remembrance for him.

[Ttc2015]

Your SIL sounds delightful! I'm so sorry about your son, of course this makes it harder for you. Completely different, but my SIL is due the day before my birthday - DH thought it would be lovely if the baby arrived on my birthday, em no, that's my day!!!

[momamia4]

How awful moma, I'm so sorry. And so sorry for your loss too, why did he pass?
Thank you all for your support. He died of early acute broncopneumonia. I think it was actually SIDS. Just because he died with fluid in his lungs does not mean that he died of fluid in his lungs. He seemed perfectly healthy. I put him to bed just like every night. A few hours later, I went to check on him and he was dead. It was my worst nightmare come true. I know that my brother in law and his wife feel like they did something to cause it because they babysat for him that night. I put him to bed right after we got back from a meeting. It was horrible. I don't blame them at all. He always sounded funny from birth. He had a very weak cry that sounded like a kitten meowing softly. Everyone would comment on it. I think there was something wrong with his lungs. I asked the doctor about it tons of times and he just kept telling me that all babies have different cries. Shortly after my son died, that doctor moved to a different state and became a geriatric doctor. I thought it was fishy and still regret that we never sued. I took Luke to the doctor the day before he died and the doctor told me he was perfectly healthy.

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[maidentomother]

That does sound very suspicious. I think you are probably right about his lungs being weak from birth. Trust those maternal instincts. I'm so sorry you lost him.

[momamia4]

Thank you maiden. :)

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[XXforhubby]

My heart just breaks for you! I too believe that his lungs weren't as strong as they needed to be from birth. Shame on all the professionals who dismissed your concerns! Lung function tests are non-invasive and could have picked up a problem. His doctor was plain awful! It's incredibly suspicious that he switched to geriatrics after his death. Was he a board certified pediatrician or was he a family practice doctor?

You are such an amazing person and mother from all you have been through! Huge hugs!!


[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji577], & DS3[emoji602] completes our family![emoji170]

[momamia4]

Xxforhubby, he was a family practice doctor. Our entire family (including my parents and siblings) all went to him. We all saw him for about 15 years! He liked us and used to spend extra time with us. That's why I didn't really question him. It's also why my family discouraged us from suing him.

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[momamia4]

I just had the worst visit with my in-laws ever. My MIL decided to talk to me about my most recent miscarriage. She was saying that at least I'll be able to see all of my miscarriage babies when I'm in heaven. I know she meant well, but it really pushed me over the edge to the point that I ran upstairs to the bathroom and balled uncontrollably for 20 mins. This was right after I had just returned downstairs after crying for 15 minutes because BIL decided to talk to SIL about watching his DD when his wife is induced on Tuesday (so grateful it isn't on Aug 25th like I initially thought). BIL has never let us watch his DD. He purposely keeps her away from us. My sister thinks it's because he was the last one to watch our DS3 the night he died and somehow he has guilt and keeps his DD away because of it. I'm not sure what the real reason is. All I know is that it hurts me very deeply that they don't want her to have any kind of relationship with us. What a horrible day..... I'm not looking forward to Tuesday. I'm sure it'll be just as weird as when their DD1 was born. I wasn't allowed to hold her for the first 6 weeks of her life. I guess they thought I'd break her or something. Everyone else was allowed to hold her except for me and my kids. It was very strange. I'm considering not seeing her (their DD2) for the first 6 weeks since I am sure they won't let me hold her again. I don't think they're considering how much this all hurts me. :tissue::tissue::tissue:

[GirlieCat]

Momamia so sorry that you had such a bad night. My in laws are not very wonderful and my MIL is always saying things that upset me that I can't help but think she does on purpose. She is so rude to me and has been for the 12 years I have been with my husband. We went several years hardly seeing them at all until they could learn that to have their son in their life meant they had to be nice to me. We never see my DH brother or this wife (most of the family doesn't talk to them) because BIL is just terrible.

Did you BIL and his wife actually tell you that you were not allowed to hold their DD1? That is just so weird. Is there a health related reason? (I won't want someone holding my newborn if they have recently had a cigarette...I am big on no smoking).

Does your hubby help out in communicating with MIL & BIL about how their words or actions hurt? My DH is kinda weak at that.

Hope you feel better.


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[momamia4]

Yes, my BIL and his wife actually told me I wasn't allowed to hold her. I don't have any illnesses at all. They were particular about people having update immunizations to hold her, which I am up to date on. They didn't give a reason and I was too hurt to ask or argue. I just left eight after and then didn't get too close to her until the finally told me I could hold her. It wasn't very bizarre. They've are really weird about things though. With this dd2, they haven't shared anything about their pregnancy. We've honestly foegotten they'll are even having another kid numerous times because of it. They've also really limited their contact with us since dd1 was born over 2 years ago. My DH tries to explain to them how much they hurt me, but it doesn't have any effect at all. We stopped all contact with his mom for 6 years because of it. We only started talking to her again because she almost died. She claims she has no filter and doesn't realize she's being rude/mean until she sees the persons reaction to what she said. His family makes no sense to me.

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[GirlieCat]

Sounds all too familiar and I totally get it. I am so sorry you have to deal with all this on top of the heartbreak of your recent miscarriage and stress about conceiving again.

Hoping Sept brings you a very sticky positive.


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[momamia4]

Thank you, GirlieCat! :)

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[Giselle2016]

I just had the worst visit with my in-laws ever. My MIL decided to talk to me about my most recent miscarriage. She was saying that at least I'll be able to see all of my miscarriage babies when I'm in heaven. I know she meant well, but it really pushed me over the edge to the point that I ran upstairs to the bathroom and balled uncontrollably for 20 mins. This was right after I had just returned downstairs after crying for 15 minutes because BIL decided to talk to SIL about watching his DD when his wife is induced on Tuesday (so grateful it isn't on Aug 25th like I initially thought). BIL has never let us watch his DD. He purposely keeps her away from us. My sister thinks it's because he was the last one to watch our DS3 the night he died and somehow he has guilt and keeps his DD away because of it. I'm not sure what the real reason is. All I know is that it hurts me very deeply that they don't want her to have any kind of relationship with us. What a horrible day..... I'm not looking forward to Tuesday. I'm sure it'll be just as weird as when their DD1 was born. I wasn't allowed to hold her for the first 6 weeks of her life. I guess they thought I'd break her or something. Everyone else was allowed to hold her except for me and my kids. It was very strange. I'm considering not seeing her (their DD2) for the first 6 weeks since I am sure they won't let me hold her again. I don't think they're considering how much this all hurts me. :tissue::tissue::tissue:





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[Giselle2016]

Omg that is just ridiculous! If they won't allow u to hold her, then don't visit! If anything, I would think they wouldn't mind u to hold her or even babysit their DD more than anyone since they know u want a girl! People are absolutely ridiculous and u never know who has good intentions and who doesn't. Do they have a son? Maybe they wanted a son this time around since mostly people want both genders and just like we want a girl so bad, someone with all girls wants a boy badly too.


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[momamia4]

They don't have a son but I know they really want one. I think his wife is suffering from gender disappointment because of it. Dh's family is all boys on his dad's side for a lot of generations. I think she assumed she'd have boys too, especially since I have so many. She is a typical girl mom though. She's swaying girl and doesn't even know it. I tried to tell her how to get a boy, but she didn't listen. Maybe now that they're having dd2, she'll take me more seriously.

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[atomic sagebrush]

Somehow I've missed this thread but I did just want to say that I'm so very sorry for the loss of your son. :heart:

[momamia4]

Thank you, atomic. It was devastating and I've spent a lot of time in therapy dealing with it. Now I'm finally ready to have another baby. :)