Found out we're having our third boy

[2xblue]

We found out we're having our third boy almost two weeks ago. I swayed so hard for this one, did absolutely everything I could to have a little girl but failed. I'm having such a hard time dealing with this. I had really high hopes for this one being a girl as I had a pretty good sway. Maybe it makes it even harder to accept.

I'm now 14 weeks pregnant. I feel no excitement for this baby or pregnancy. I've been trying to think names (there is one I like) and bought some clothes for him but I feel nothing but sadness. I don't feel him moving yet and I'm scared when I will, then he really is there. It sounds so horrible to say this but these are my feelings right now.

This is our last child. I had to convince DH for a third and it wasn't easy. I wish I would've been happy with my two boys and not wanting a third one. Three boys is really not what I wanted. First when I started planning on a third one I wanted to go HT but DH was really against it. So here I am, a mother of three boys. I should have known we only make boys. I really wish I wasn't pregnant. Life would be so much easier with my two boys.

I've been crying alot. I feel so guilty feeling this way. I know every child is a blessing. I love my boys but it's just so hard to accept not having a daughter, ever. I'm scared to tell everyone it's another boy. I'm scared of people's reactions. I feel guilty that I wanted a third child so badly and my poor DH agreed even though he really didn't want a third. And now he has to see me like this, not wanting this child.

Almost everyone I know have a pigeon pair or have a girl after two boys. My friend just had her baby girl after two boys. She asked me to be that baby girl's godmother. I'm happy that she asked. Maybe I can have a good relationship with that girl and buy her girly things as I will never have a girl of my own.

I really hope as the time goes on I will find some peace. I'm little bit regretting finding out the gender. Maybe I should have been team green. I hate to feel so sad when I'm pregnant. But I decided to find out so I could prepare my self for a boy but this is hard, harder than I ever thought it would be. Maybe it would have been easier to find out at birth. But I was scared I would be so sad holding a newborn and I didn't want that. Well, now I know the gender and I have to live with that. I hope everything will be fine when I hold him...

[sweetdream]

I can assure you that it will be fine when you hold him! You will fall in love inmediatly!
GD is probably still there. But has nothing to do with him.
But the I wish i had a girl will kick in once in a while.


I've been there. We did try for a fourth. But at the time we did. I came at peace with me having only boys.
As soon as ds 2 and also with ds3 were born i had fallen in love.
I had less GD with ds 3 because I knew after DS 2 that everything was fine as soon as i could hold him.
I love looking at those birth pictures. The feeling was so warm and loving.

Don't be hard on yourself. Everything will turn out fine.

[dalmad]

I am in the same situation as you are, found out two weeks ago we are having our third boy. Also our definite last as I also had to persuade my husband to have a 3rd. I found it difficult for a week, than I started searching for blogs for families who have three boys and it really helped me coming to terms with having an all boy family. (this one is really good I think:I Love You More Than Carrots (http://www.iloveyoumorethancarrots.com/)) Having three boys will be something special, a bond between three brothers is a life-long relationship. We can all go to outdoorsy holidays together, we wouldn't need to take into account a girl's different wish and split the family. My boys are very loving, funny little men and to be honest to myself I always enjoyed male conversations than chatting about beuty products or go shopping trips. I am now looking forward when I have three grown-up men who will share their interesting hobbies, great sense of humour etc. And by having a third boy you have just increased your chances of having a granddaughter whom you will spoil :-) (I always had a special and deep relationship with my grandmother)
Let's keep in touch and we can help eachother through hard times (honestly I am not looking forward to teenage years when they will eat our whole salary...) or how to deal with people's comments as for me that is what creates gender dissapointment. I think if I lived in a desert island I wouldn't care if I have three boys, but going to my older one's school and answering people nosey questions I find hard to deal with.

[sweetdream]

You don't have to wait till teenage years to have Your whole salary eaten!!! Lol.
People always look when they see my very blond laughing guys! They are very sweet and open for interaction. They love grown ups. And crawl in everyone's lap who accepts. They are like puppy's.
And yet all so different.
After DS2 i realised that i didn't just got 2 sons. But i got (fill in name) and (name 2)
And after 3 ot was even more his own personality.
It doesn't take away the complete desire. But makes it easyer.
We were blessed with a fourth a DD. But my feelings towards her are the same as to my boys. They are all my children. And there own personalitys.
I know my life with three sons would have been amazing too.

[Throwaway_panther]

My friend just had her baby girl after two boys. She asked me to be that baby girl's godmother. I'm happy that she asked. Maybe I can have a good relationship with that girl and buy her girly things as I will never have a girl of my own.


I think it's wonderful you're already looking at that as a positive, because I think that's very likely to happen for you -- and I can say, I was very close to other adult women in my life over my own mother (like teachers, etc.,), and as an adult myself, found bonds with young girls (like my cousins, niece, students, etc... things I'm hoping ease my GD over having a girl myself).

I do think it's probably best you found out the sex now. Team Green CAN work for people, but I also think trying to work through the emotions and feelings before birth can be good, too... especially because, based on my experience, hearing people predict the sex incorrectly could only lead to some serious heartbreak for you at birth. For instance, pretty much everyone but one person has said I must be having a boy, when I know I'm having a girl... and I REALLY wanted a boy. I had toyed with going team green for my sanity, but I'm really glad I found out so I wasn't going through the whole pregnancy "assuming" it might be a boy.

Overall, I think you have some thoughts in mind that are signs of a very healthy mind and spirit -- I think you'll get over your GD faster than you think, and you doing things like picking out a name you like and buying clothes are all really helpful.

I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best <3

[2xblue]

Thank you sweetdream, dalmad and throwaway_panther. I truly appreciate your support. I really need some right now.

Last night I had a total breakdown. DH has been telling everyone we're having a boy and we were trying for a girl and it was too much for me. I wasn't ready to everyone know yet and I really don't want everyone to know how we were trying for a girl. I spent the whole night crying and I told my true feelings to DH how I have no excitement for this pregnancy and how I feel like I don't even want this baby. He was shocked. I feel like a monster. What kind of a mother feels like this about her unborn child.

Sweetdream, thank you for your story. It helps to hear people get over gd. You are very lucky to have your boys and a girl. How old are your boys?

Dalmad, sorry you didn't get your girl either but you sound so in peace with having a third son. Maybe I will some day too? That is so true that other people's comments creates gd. I hate that.

Throwaway, that is true. If I didn't find out until birth I would probably had high hopes for a girl and I would be heartbroken. Sorry you didn't get the son you wanted but congrats on your girl.

[sweetdream]

My boys are 9,7 and 5.
My girl is 1.

You are not a monster. This is what hormones and dissapointment do to you.
You can't hold him. You don't know who he is yet. And you already have two of those. (But you know you love them both for completly different reasons. But you KNOW them)
You wouldn't know a girl yet either. But you have fantasies About her. Thats why that would be different.

I wanted to go live somewere else have the baby and then return. Because comments are a tad milder as they see the newborn. And melt away then.
Like you will too.
Even with my fourth. I knew i could cope with another Son. Its the judgements and the comments that strengthen Your raw feelings wich hurt so much.
It has nothing to do with this child.

I know for a fact if they drop him on your doorstep right now! And say you need to take care of this baby he needs you. You would love him and cherish him.
Because you can see him and smell him and cuddle him.
And he is yours!

I thought i wouldn't have the same feelings when i knew i got my girl but i did.
Even while pg I had unhappy feelings. The subject changed. I was bummed bout my weight.
I hated ppl's comment! Finally a girl! Or whatever they said. Like my boys weren't a gift!
I had the feelings but i didn't wanted ppl to say them to me.

Later i heard Some found it hard to talk to me. Cause of my responds.
I just wanted Some respect and joy for all of my children.
They've hurted me to much in the past already.

Its a shame Your DH couldn't wait till you were ready.
Its ok to feel like this right now. You will be fine but it takes Some time.
Maybe till birth.
Ppl are just hard and you are already judging yourself. You don't need the dissaproval of others!!

[dalmad]

2xblue, I think it is ok to feel how you feel, you need to mourn the daughter you won't have but with any feeling of loss it will get better over time. I had the same breakdown with my husband after the scan, also cried and said the same things as you did but then something clicked over in me when my DS1 told me how he wanted a little sister and he wishes the baby was a girl. I felt like I have unintentionally taught him a behavioral pattern or he sensed what I felt. So I started reassuring him how I love my boys and I am lucky to have a third one. Then started searching online for families who are in the same situation as me and I have come across so many good examples.
I have also booked a 4D scan in 2 weeks time where we will go as a family so the boys can start to bond with their little brother and we can have a better view of him too. I think it will help me with bonding too as still sometimes when I imagine the future I see 2 boys and 1 girl and then I intentionally have twist my mind to try to picture 3 little boy heads.

[2xblue]

Thank you girls, your words means alot!

I've had few better days. But I guess these feelings comes and goes. And it's so true it's hard because I can't see or hold him yet. Our DS1 hoped for a second little brother so that helps little bit that he is happy with a boy.

Dalmad, 4D scan is a great idea. Especially when your boys will see him too. I will have my anomaly scan in 5 weeks. I have to think about if we will go to a 4D scan.

I'm still having hard time believing my sway didn't work. I really thought I had a great chance having a girl as I did quite strict LE for 6 months and did the exercise 60min×6 a week, also lost alot of weight. I knew even 'perfect' sways could fail but I wanted to believe I could get my girl this way. I just keep asking myself why it didn't work for us, why we weren't lucky.

I've been also thinking what if my blood test was wrong about the gender. I know this is totally stupid to even question it as NIPT is almost 100% accurate. I know this is a boy but why I still feel like what if... I guess I just need to see the boy parts in my 20week scan.

[all4princes]

Thank you sweetdream, dalmad and throwaway_panther. I truly appreciate your support. I really need some right now.

Last night I had a total breakdown. DH has been telling everyone we're having a boy and we were trying for a girl and it was too much for me. I wasn't ready to everyone know yet and I really don't want everyone to know how we were trying for a girl. I spent the whole night crying and I told my true feelings to DH how I have no excitement for this pregnancy and how I feel like I don't even want this baby. He was shocked. I feel like a monster. What kind of a mother feels like this about her unborn child.

Sweetdream, thank you for your story. It helps to hear people get over gd. You are very lucky to have your boys and a girl. How old are your boys?

Dalmad, sorry you didn't get your girl either but you sound so in peace with having a third son. Maybe I will some day too? That is so true that other people's comments creates gd. I hate that.

Throwaway, that is true. If I didn't find out until birth I would probably had high hopes for a girl and I would be heartbroken. Sorry you didn't get the son you wanted but congrats on your girl.
You are not a horrible person, plenty of women may feel this way and not admit it. I always 3 boys because i always wanted a brother and only had sisters. Well i had my 3 boys in a row and was shock that i got what i wanted. When i found out i was pregnant with my 4th i was like i want a girl. Nope another boy, and i had bad depression, real bad. I just thaught i once again would get what i wanted, i even bought some baby girl shoes. but once he was born i was so in-love. I would not trade him for any girl, im so happy he is a boy. You will be so in-love once your 3rd son is here. Just know you're not alone. 😊

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[Beau82]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way but please don't be so hard on yourself. It's perfectly normal to have these feelings. As you can see, many of us have had them or are still having them. It's still fresh and of course it still hurts. Give yourself some time. I promise you will not feel this way when you see him. You may possibly feel better much sooner than that even. I had GD with DS4. I was so sure he was a girl, so I think that's what made it harder for me, I was about 95% positive the tech was going to say girl so it was like a punch in the stomach when she said boy. And also knowing that he would be our last (that's since *possibly* changed but beside the point). I went for another ultrasound b/c I then convinced myself that the first tech was wrong since it took her a little while to find his "goods". She wasn't of course.
You're on the right path though. It helped me when I started to plan for his arrival. Like someone else said, it's hard when you don't know who you are growing in there, if that makes sense. When I started to picture what he'd look like, where he'd sleep, newborn photos, etc, etc...it really helped ease the pain. I started to plan things that I was going to do with my niece when she gets older.

I look at DS4 now and I truly can't imagine my days without him. I know it sounds cliche but he really does make me smile and laugh everyday, he's such a little character. In some ways, I'm even slightly more protective of him because I know people know I was hoping he was a girl. You will get there too!
After I had DS3, one of the cutest comments I got was "you're so lucky! I always wanted to have "my 3 sons"!". This was from a lady who had 2 boys first and then a girl. She admitted that she really wanted a third son so was a little disappointed to have a daughter. She then said "of course I'm happy now but I wasn't for a while". It was the first time I heard someone in real life admit to having GD. Very refreshing.

[WannaGirl]

I went through the same, found out sex and totally disappointed, DH said we could have another and we did High tech twice- didn't work! Mum if boys is what I was meant for. I actually bought s heap of girl clothes while trying and have given them away now to friends with girls. Very very hard, their clothes are so cute but hey I have 2 sons who come in to my bed each morning for cuddles and think the world of me (my oldest is 9 and while he likes a snuggle, he sleeps in every morning!!!)
It's hard when people ask if u going to keep trying for s girl, I tell them my miscarriages and they usually shut up and happy with my boys also.
They fight but I can't see s girl in the mix causing any less problems!
I made a list of things I could do with a daughter, most I could do with a son or niece. I would of liked some pink in with the Lego and monster trucks but I don't really care now- good luck!!!

[2xblue]

Thank you ladies for your kind words!

Wannagirl, I'm so sorry HT didn't work for you. That must be hard. I wanted to do ht but dh was against it...

I've been feeling ok... Some says better than others. I feel him moving in my tummy but I'm not that excited about it which I hate. This part has always been the best part of pregnancy when you feel the baby moving and I feel so sad I can't be that excited about it this time.

I told you about my friend who got a girl after two boys. She asked me to be their daughter's godmother and I'm still very happy about that. They came to visit us last weekend when we had our DS2' birthday party and I saw that little baby girl for the first time. She was so beautiful and she wore the cutest little dress. My friend seemed so happy and complete with her family. Everyone said how lovely she is (I did too of course) and then dh's aunt asked are we having a boy or girl. We told her boy and she said it would have been nice if we got a girl too. I felt so bad. When I went to bed that evening I cried. I was so sad again that I will never have a daughter of my own and I will never have that feeling what my friend feels now. I will never dress her in those adorable little dresses. God this is hard. My friend's daughter has her christening next weekend and I went to buy her a present yesterday. I bought her a beautiful necklace and I had tears in my eyes. I want to buy those things to my own daughter aswell.

I still can't believe we weren't lucky even when we swayed. It's just so hard, why it works for others and for others not.

I've been telling everyone who asks about the gender that it's a boy. I just want them to know so it's done. Few comments have been 'oh no'. Even if I haven't told we were hoping for a girl. It really hurts, why someone says 'oh no!' when I tell them about my baby. Some comments have been nice too but nothing special.

I wish it was September already and I could have him in my arms. Not really enjoying being pregnant this time. I've gained a lot of weight too which I hate. I hate gender disappointment and I just want it to go away.

[oceancitymom]

Your post really hit me - the story about your friend and how you felt when you saw her happiness and her little girl, and the stinging comment from your DH's aunt. You're a really great writer. I know those comments from people are so difficult to hear - it's definitely salt in the wound. It doesn't help much, but I do feel that most people know not what they do. If I think back on it, I know I made some thoughtless comments to mothers before I had children and before I ever thought about whether I wanted a boy or girl and certainly before I ever understood GD. Anyway, I wish you well and I understand your feeling that you just want to have your son in your arms. I remember when I was 7 months pregnant I went baby clothes shopping with my sister-in-law who had a new baby girl. She was buying for her girl and I for my new boy. I felt totally unmotivated and sad and envious. But when my second son arrived two months later, that sadness was replaced by the joy of meeting him and seeing my first son's reaction to him. I remember hearing my mom tell my dad on the phone that I was the happiest she'd ever seen me. And I was! It's just that continued longing for a daughter, anyway, no matter how much I love my sons or how good my life is. I feel you. Sending love!

[afrevert23]

We found out we're having our third boy almost two weeks ago. I swayed so hard for this one, did absolutely everything I could to have a little girl but failed. I'm having such a hard time dealing with this. I had really high hopes for this one being a girl as I had a pretty good sway. Maybe it makes it even harder to accept.

I'm now 14 weeks pregnant. I feel no excitement for this baby or pregnancy. I've been trying to think names (there is one I like) and bought some clothes for him but I feel nothing but sadness. I don't feel him moving yet and I'm scared when I will, then he really is there. It sounds so horrible to say this but these are my feelings right now.

This is our last child. I had to convince DH for a third and it wasn't easy. I wish I would've been happy with my two boys and not wanting a third one. Three boys is really not what I wanted. First when I started planning on a third one I wanted to go HT but DH was really against it. So here I am, a mother of three boys. I should have known we only make boys. I really wish I wasn't pregnant. Life would be so much easier with my two boys.

I've been crying alot. I feel so guilty feeling this way. I know every child is a blessing. I love my boys but it's just so hard to accept not having a daughter, ever. I'm scared to tell everyone it's another boy. I'm scared of people's reactions. I feel guilty that I wanted a third child so badly and my poor DH agreed even though he really didn't want a third. And now he has to see me like this, not wanting this child.

Almost everyone I know have a pigeon pair or have a girl after two boys. My friend just had her baby girl after two boys. She asked me to be that baby girl's godmother. I'm happy that she asked. Maybe I can have a good relationship with that girl and buy her girly things as I will never have a girl of my own.

I really hope as the time goes on I will find some peace. I'm little bit regretting finding out the gender. Maybe I should have been team green. I hate to feel so sad when I'm pregnant. But I decided to find out so I could prepare my self for a boy but this is hard, harder than I ever thought it would be. Maybe it would have been easier to find out at birth. But I was scared I would be so sad holding a newborn and I didn't want that. Well, now I know the gender and I have to live with that. I hope everything will be fine when I hold him...

(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry! I don't have much advice expect it is ok to have these feelings. If you don't have anyone IRL to talk about this, please keep coming here. I had a really hard time when I found out my 2nd was a boy - especially after I was told girl at 12 and 16 weeks, but the minute I laid eyes on him, my heart melt! I hope you have similar experience.

I agree, telling people is the hardest part. I wish everyone could just be happy you are bringing a healthy baby into this world, but they all feel like they have to voice their opinions. I'm sure most don't understand the hurt they are inflicting, but it is still hard to not let it get to you.

[2xblue]

Thank you oceancitymom, English is not my native language and sometimes I find it hard to write here. I feel like I can't always write what I want to say...

Afrevert, oh no, that must be really hard when you have been told girl twice! I can't even imagine. I'm having my anomaly scan next week. I want to see the boy parts myself.

I know people don't understand that their comments might be hurtful. I'm trying not to let them get to me, but it's not always easy.

We went to my friend's daughter's christening last weekend. Actually it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She was beautiful and everything was so pink and pretty. I held her alot. Of course I felt sad thinking about the daughter I would never have but I was ok. There was also my friend's sister who has 3 boys (youngest one is soon 1 year old) and I was talking to her. I told her we are going to have a third boy aswell. It helped that I saw someone with 3 boys.

One of my neighbours are expecting their third. They have two daughters and I know they are hoping to have a son. I know they will have a son and I already feel jealous. It's crazy to feel this way.

[Throwaway_panther]

Thank you oceancitymom, English is not my native language and sometimes I find it hard to write here. I feel like I can't always write what I want to say...

Afrevert, oh no, that must be really hard when you have been told girl twice! I can't even imagine. I'm having my anomaly scan next week. I want to see the boy parts myself.

I know people don't understand that their comments might be hurtful. I'm trying not to let them get to me, but it's not always easy.

We went to my friend's daughter's christening last weekend. Actually it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She was beautiful and everything was so pink and pretty. I held her alot. Of course I felt sad thinking about the daughter I would never have but I was ok. There was also my friend's sister who has 3 boys (youngest one is soon 1 year old) and I was talking to her. I told her we are going to have a third boy aswell. It helped that I saw someone with 3 boys.

One of my neighbours are expecting their third. They have two daughters and I know they are hoping to have a son. I know they will have a son and I already feel jealous. It's crazy to feel this way.
You know, I really don't feel it's crazy. My cousin-in-law just announced she's having a girl, which means ALL of my in laws have had their perfect boy-girl pigeon pair, and here I am with the girl feeling doomed to never get a boy.

Acknowledging that it's my pure jealousy and insecurities and coming here always helps me. I hope we all get what we desire someday, and I'm so glad we have this forum in the meantime!

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[Raezodal]

Hi 2xblue,
I am sorry you are feeling this way. You are NOT a monster! Thought I would share because what you wrote struck such a chord with me.
We had a plan of 2 boys and 2 girls, so were happy when ds1 and ds2 came along. Tried to sway for our third...hadn't found this site yet.... And I had to find out if we were having another boy so I could be prepared. And indeed, ds3 was the verdict. I spebt the rest of my pregnancy devastated that we were having another boy. Worse though...my family felt very strongly against anyone ever finding out before birth, so I never told anyone except dh. That made it worse, because everyone and their dog predicted we would have a girl for our third and I knew the truth. And it was crushing. I cried when engagement ring commercials would come over the radio, or when I would see girls out with their moms. I felt so disconnected from my baby.
He is 5 now. Loves pink. Loves to play with baby dolls. Has told me he wishes he was a girl because girls are better. And that crushes me now because I feel like he got all those feelings of resentment and disappointment that I had through his pregnancy and feels he isn't good enough the way he is. In lucid moments I believe he is just a 5 year old boy who still adores his mommy and sees me taking care of his baby brother and he wants to be able to be that person too (yup...we got a 4th boy...somehow...it's been 3 years and I still look back at my chart from the month he was conceived and say uhhhh how did this happen???).
You will come to cherish having three boys. And they will all adore you and when they are grown, you will be visited constantly by handsome young men who know how to treat a lady. :)

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[2xblue]

Throwaway, this is your first child so you might be lucky to have boy next!

Thank you Raezodal. I first thought I wouldn't want anyone to know what we're having but I think it's better just to let everyone know. Like you said it would be crushing when you know it's another boy but everyone keeps saying it's a girl. So did you find out ds4 when you were pregnant? I'm sorry you didn't get your dream family (2 boys and 2 girls) but I'm sure you have lovely sons.

I haven't been able to come here for a while. This forum reminds me of my dream to have a girl and how hard I worked to make that dream come true but it didn't happen for us. And it's crushing that so many get their dream gender even though I'm trying to be happy for others. I just feel again that almost everyone are so lucky to have both boys and girls and I'm doomed to have only boys. I know few families with only boys and it does help but girls are born everywhere...

[dalmad]

I am coming back to this site because of this thread :-) It does help me knowing I am not alone in this situation.
I am nearly 6 months pregnant now and I mostly come to terms with it that we are having an all boy family but there are still days when I think back what if we had waited trying till spring time (all boys concieved in autumn) or what if it wasnt full moon etc...I think it is difficult to accept that I tried so hard and why it didn't work for us. (I suppose it is down to being a boys mum that I like to have control over things and have to accept that this something I just couldn't...)

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[Raezodal]

2xblue, I did not find out with ds4. I wanted a girl but my boys all wanted another brother, so that helped. I still want a girl. Doubt that will ever go away. But when I look at my 4 boys, I cannot choose which ones I wish had been girls. They are each perfect the way they are.

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[2xblue]

Dalmad, I'm glad this thread helps you! While I feel sad coming here as it reminds me of the dream of a daughter I also love this forum at the same time. It helps alot to write down these feelings and have support from you ladies! I think about my sway alot too. What if I hadn't eaten so many sweets (even though I was in limits of LE), hadn't increased dairy and eggs because my luteal phase was getting really short... But I still know I did everything I could.

Raezodal, that's lovely your sons hoped for a brother. Do you think you will ever go for a 5th child?

I've been secretly hoping we could try for a 4th child some day and try HT but I know it probably never happens as my DH is really really against 4th (and HT). I will be 32 soon and I know chances for a successfull HT decreases when we get older...

[Raezodal]

2xblue, yes, we will try for a 5th. I wanted to try basically right away after ds4 was born. It took a while for my dh to agree...he would state all the reasons it is easier to stick with 4. He finally came around when ds4 turned 2. We shall see.

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[2xblue]

Raezodal, are you going to sway?

I think I'm crazy to even hope we would try for a 4th child. I can't even say it to my DH because he would be mad at me I think as I promised him I wouldn't want a 4th one when he agreed for a third. High tech is just so intriguing. Either it works and I would be pregnant with a girl or then it wouldn't work and I would move on with our three sons. I think I would never try swaying again. But saying all this, I'm pretty sure DH will never agree having a 4th. I just can't help myself thinking about it, it brings hope. It just breaks my heart to see little girls with their moms or dads. Or see all the lovely girl clothes in the stores. I had a weird moment this week. I was walking outside with my boys and I was thinking about the daughter I will never have and thought about this little boy in my belly. We weren't talking anything about the baby and suddenly my DS1 asked am I going to have another baby after this. I asked him would he want that and he said yes. Awwww... he is a lovely boy and so is DS2, I love them more than anything. And I will love this new little boy as well. It brings tears to my eyes that I've been feeling so sad about this pregnancy, it's not what my DS3 deserves.

One dad I know asked one day do we know what we're having. I said boy and he said oh wow, that broughts a lot of emotions. And told he has one friend with 3 boys and we will survive with three boys as they have too. I know he meant well but I just hate these comments. But I also got a nice comment this week from a friend of mine who just got her 2nd girl. She send me a message that it will be a nice brother trio and she put three blue hearts in the end. It felt good. Why all the comments couldn't be nice and supportive!? And that a third boy will be a lovely addition to our family. It would help my own feelings a lot but of course people just don't get it and they don't know how much I hoped for a girl and how sad I've been.

[Raezodal]

2xblue, I was hoping to sway. I had trouble with the LE diet though - I'm still nursing my youngest and I have a lot of food restrictions as it is. And since I couldn't fit in 60min blocks for exercise, I am trying to be a couch potato...but that is tough with 4 active boys and a non-car-dependent lifestyle. Dh and I decided to take a bit of a break from ttc and my meagre attempts at the diet while I was having a bunch of tests run trying to figure out what is causing my food issues. And then this last cycle, I ovulated way early in my cycle with none of my normal pre-o symptoms. So I hadn't started checking opks yet or have dh release daily or anything...and we bd the one night and my temp went up the next morning. So it is all a waiting game right now.... I will be sad if I never have a little girl...I just feel like she is out there, waiting to come join our family. At the same time, I think I might just be too much of a control freak to ever get her. If I don't end up pregnant in a week, I am starting to think maybe I will wean my ds4 and see if I can manage the LE diet better.

And I know what you mean about holding out hope for one more attempt, one more chance at that girl. I hate admitting it to anyone. The other moms I know who just have boys wanted only boys so they don't understand how I could possibly want a girl.

And yes, gets me every time I see a mom or dad out with their daughter. Or the girl clothing section (though my ds3 loves to shop for clothes there so it has gotten a bit easier with exposure).

Your boys sound sweet. My ds1 started telling everyone when my ds3 turned 1 that I was having another baby. I didn't get pregnant with ds4 until ds3 was 2. He was certain that we needed one more as soon as there wasn't a "baby" in the house anymore. Maybe your ds1 will be similar and help your dh be willing to have a 4th?

I've been told several times there is a special place reserved in heaven for moms of 3 or more boys. The best was when I had an elderly gentleman stop me to tell me that his mom had had 3 boys and watching me with my boys reminded him of her and warmed his heart. There are decent people out there who can manage comments other than "wow, you must be so busy" or "wow, your house must vibrate with energy" or the one I hate the most "were you trying for a girl?"

I was super sad through my pregnancy with ds3 from when I found out he was a boy. But it lessened once I had him in my arms. Still an occasional twinge sometimes, but easier to move along from.

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[2xblue]

That's exciting. I really hope you will get your DD. Your boys sound so sweet too. And that comment from an elderly gentleman, how sweet! I really doubt my DH will agree to 4th, no matter what I say or our boys say. Maybe if we win the lottery he will agree. He is just so concerned about the financies.

I've been also thinking about when I started to convince DH about the third child why I didn't tell him more about HT. We once saw a document on TV about HT, I think it was when I was pregnant with DS2 but back then I didn't even think it would be an option. It seemed too surreal. But when I gave birth to DS2 and couple months later GD hit me really hard I remembered that document and started searching information about HT and found this site. When I told DH I would be intrested doing HT he just said no and I didn't really tell him all the things I learnt here. I know he thought it was a really crazy idea but I wish I had told him more about it and tried my best to convince him to try it. I just thought he wouldn't agree and started learning about swaying. It's too late now but why I didn't try harder... I used my last chance and here I am still longing for my daughter.

[2xblue]

Yesterday got annoying comments again when I told we're having a boy. One lady said I should have a new man if I want to have a girl (didn't tell anything about my desire for a girl) and other lady who is around 45 and has two boys and a girl (in that order) asked what we're having and I told and she looked really surprised and said "wow.... you're going to be busy". I could just feel she was thinking to herself that she's so lucky not to have 3 boys...

[Mulberry Smurf]

:( sorry for those horrid comments. Some people don't engage their brains and just don't seem to realise how offensive they're being. I am sure you will have three loving and caring boys who will be a lot more thoughtful than those people saying daft things. As they say - fake it til you make it. Just smile and say how thrilled you are to be having three of a kind and that you can't wait to see the youngest wearing his brothers clothes! Xx

[2xblue]

Thank you Mulberry. I know people don't really think before they speak. That comment that I should change my dh to someone else was supposed to be a good joke I think but I really don't need any "jokes" about my situation. I'm trying to fake it til I make it but it's really hard...

[Babygirlquest]

I honestly do agree about the positivity you show bringing that back to you. I make such a huge deal to everyone how much I love my boys, would love another etc, I'm sure no one in real life knows I have gd and in return everyone responds by saying how cool my family are! Anyone that says anything rude is just an idiot and not worth your time anyway. Hang in there honey, my third boy was the hardest and he is so incredibly special.

[Raezodal]

I'm sorry people are being senseless. :( I have gotten the "maybe you switch partners" joke too...from a close friend of my parents, someone I see regularly and work with to an extent even!
I know my ds3 was my hardest pregnancy too, knowing he was a boy and wishing he was a girl. He has been the best kid. Eased my heart so to speak.


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[dalmad]

Oh I have never had the switch partner comment yet...(count myself lucky). I have now learnt to answer any bad, malicious comment with "I have tried passing him back to the stork but it wasn't having it" comment and a smile then most people would realise they unsensitive. I spoke to a nice mum from DS1's school yesterday who also has three sons and she was really nice and reassuring that how I will realise that 3 boys are better than 2 and how cool to have three sons are. She said that she even made sure that their dogs are male she now enjoys having boys that much :-) (she said she experienced GD with DS3 but as soon as he was born it gone away) And to be honest just looking from outside her DS2 (same class as my DS1) is so loving, usually runs out after school straight to her mum's arms giving her bigger hug than any of the girls. I noticed that with admiration even before I got pregnant with DS3

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[2xblue]

People laugh when I tell them we're having a third boy. It's really annoying. I guess I just have to listen to these awful comments until the baby is born...

A lady I know asked today do we know what we're havng. I told her and she laughed and asked are we going to have children until we get a girl. I said no. Then she told someone she knows had a girl as their 4th and someone had 3 girl and hoped for a boy and they got twin girls and they were done.

[Traci25]

I just found out I'm having my 3rd son and I'm devastated. I know it's horrible to say but envious when hear someone say they had a miscarriage. I don't want this, not these feelings. I had gd horribly with ds2 and it never went away until we ttc pink again. And it failed. I hate I didn't go for Ivf. If it never went away bf it's never going to go away. What do I do? What was I thinking? Did anyone ever get closure?

[Dreamsister]

Congrats with you pregnancy. See it as a gift. Nothing has been taking away from you (except off course your hopes and dreams) but try to feel gratefull. You are SO lucky to become a mother of 3 sons. It is much cooler and fun to have 3 instead of 2 and those 3 will have a party together. My #3 is a true blessing and his two elder brother just loves playing with him and they laugh so much and do so many crazy and funny activities together. It would not have been the same if he had been a she. From the bottom of my heart I can tell you it is wonderfull and very special to be a mother of 3 boys. Try to ignore the stupid comments and decide to be happy and think positive about your next family addition. It is a very special gift to raise boys to become good men.


DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016

[Traci25]

I am also having ds #3. I'm still having a horrible time. I try to pretend I'm not pregnant. Are you feeling better? Does it get better?

[Raezodal]

I am also having ds #3. I'm still having a horrible time. I try to pretend I'm not pregnant. Are you feeling better? Does it get better?
I had a horrible time my entire pregnancy with ds3 after I found out he was another boy. Started getting slowly better after he was born. By a year...I was mostly okay with him being a boy. Now he's 5 and I wouldn't have him any other way.
Just saying...don't beat yourself up if it takes a while to feel at peace with your 3rd boy. And don't listen to anyone who tells you how they got over their disappointment in a couple hours and how can you possibly still be sad!?
Hugs!! You will come to adore and cherish him.

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[Traci25]

Thank you so much for replying. I feel so alone! I just wish I never got pregnant. I know it's horrible. I wanna wake up and it's all a dream. This sweet innocent baby. I just don't want to raise another son. It's hard. I hate feeling this way. It should be a blessing. I don't want to go thru it all again. I see a little girl and think I can't have that bond. My boys love my dh. They just want boy time.

[Raezodal]

It's not horrible. You are grieving a dream. Allow yourself that. Did you know, the verb to be bereaved comes from Latin for being robbed? Because the feelings we experience are the same. So think of it that way. You have been robbed of a dream. And you need time to heal. End of story. Take the time you need. Feel however you need to feel. Denying our emotions doesn't make them go away.
My boys all adore me and want nothing to do with my dh (it actually gets old eventually). Maybe your 3rd will be a total momma's boy. Maybe not. But seriously...take your time to grieve.
When I was pregnant with ds3, I cried when engagement ring commercials came on the radio because I would never be the mother of the bride. I would cry watching girls and their moms walking down the street together, chatting away like 2 best buds or watching tv shows or movies with 3 sons and no daughters. And I hated myself for it. It's okay. You are not alone. And it will, eventually, get better.
A turning point for me was when ds3 was 4 months old and we went to visit my grandmother in her assisted living residence. And there was a woman there who bemoaned never having had a daughter, only sons. Here she was 80 some odd years old and still resenting that she never got her daughter just these "useless sons". And I hated that more than I hated myself for wishing ds3 was a girl.

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[Dreamsister]

I am sorry you feel down. Try to look 20 years forward in time and imagine yourself sorrounded by 3 handsome, loving, funny and caring men maybe also grandchildren. As a mother you will always have a very special place in their hearths. Having a daughter is no garantee of a closer or better bond. I see many conplicated relations between mothers and daughters. With a baby no matter gender you have a close close bond and you will be the most important and valuable person in this childs life. Later on yes DH will play a great role as their father but you will still be important and play a huge role. Take time to grieve and then move on. Make a desicion to yourself that it is not going to ruin your life. I have 3 sons and I would not change any of them for a girl.


DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016

[Traci25]

That breaks my heart! My hubby's parents feel the same about their dd and ds's. They only make an effort for her they will tell me they will only visit us if they get to see their dd if not it's a waste of time! We have kids and she doesn't!

[Pinklady35]

Thank you so much for replying. I feel so alone! I just wish I never got pregnant. I know it's horrible. I wanna wake up and it's all a dream. This sweet innocent baby. I just don't want to raise another son. It's hard. I hate feeling this way. It should be a blessing. I don't want to go thru it all again. I see a little girl and think I can't have that bond. My boys love my dh. They just want boy time.

Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do, feelings are just feelings and there is nothing wrong or shameful in feeling a certain way. I also have two boys and am pregnant with the third who is I think another boy.... Long story but had two different gender blood results the boy result is probably the more accurate. I feel exactly the same way you do.... I avoid all conversations about what I'm having and haven't even told half my family I'm 4 months pregnant until I find out because I want to avoid all that bet you want a girl speech. Feel free to pm me anytime as I really feel for you. I thought I may miscarry a few weeks ago and although I was gutted it did cross my mind miscarriages sway pink. I felt shitty for even thinking it

[girliedreamz]

I just had to reply to this thread because I felt exactly the same way when I was pregnant with my 3rd boy. It was SO hard to convince dh to have a 3rd child—we honestly almost split up over it. At the time he was for sure our last baby. And when I found out it was a boy, all I could do was cry. I felt the same way you ladies do—didn't want him, wished I'd never gotten pregnant, etc. And then felt horribly guilty for feeling that way. I hated shopping for baby clothes, hated envisioning more boy stuff in the house, hated the whole thing. Nothing anyone said made me feel better. All that helped was time. Seeing him and holding him in my arms was wonderful and made some of the gd melt away. But I'll be honest that I didn't bond as closely with him right away as I did with my other sons. With them, I could just enjoy my baby for who he was. With the third, every time I looked at him of course I saw my son that I loved but I also saw the girl I'd never have. So there was that sadness and regret for a long time. I didn't love him less than my other two, it was just harder because he represented a loss as well. And I felt TONS of guilt for feeling that way!

My 3rd son is four now. Last year he was diagnosed as autistic, which took the guilt and disappointment (not in him) factors to a whole new place. Knowing he may never speak, may never live independently, may never do all the "boy" things that I had dreaded has done a 180 on my way of thinking about him. And really in my heart made me grateful for every moment we have together. Every hug or smile I get is so precious now. I am closer with him than any of my kids, and he really is my "happy spot" in life.

Anyway—IMHO, it's completely valid to feel how you are right now. It does not make you a monster. Lots of really good, loving mothers have felt the same way. You may some day stop wishing you had a girl, and you may not, but you for sure will stop resenting or regretting your son. I know that probably doesn't help the GD right now, but at least know it won't last forever!

[Traci25]

I know exactly how you feel!! I hate talking about it, I dress apno don't look pregnant. I hater hearing you poor
Thing, wow or ugh! I wish the best for you. I hadn't felt him move in 4 days and I was relieved I know it's horrible as well. I feel him now. Inwish I could go back in time. I wish I could give you advice or hope. How do you pm? Id love to chat. I have to fake it very day in person. It's nice being able to say what I feel!
Hope. How do you

[Traci25]

Wow your story is amazing. I hope that he does all those joy things. Those are aome great points and i feel better and not so guilty about my feelings. Thank you for sharing. I don't know if I can do this all again and i so scared of autism and I know boys are way more likely. I'm nervous i can't handle it all. He may be great and healthy I just wish I felt like my other pregnancies

[MummyBee]

Can I join please. Found out yesterday I'm expecting DS3. My husband has been lovely and said we can go PGD for a fourth but I really don't want 4 kids and I don't think I could go through the heartache ogit not working.

We have been through a fair amount of tough times and I really thought maybe this would be our turn to have the happiness of hearing it's a girl. Nope I will never hear that. I will never leave a scan feeling joy, only heartache. The tech said to me 'happy shopping' on the way out, I was like yeah right. I'm sick of boy stuff. I'd like to think that buying some boy outfits may help me feel better but where there are boy things there are girl things and I can't face that.

One of my boys also has autism and it has been awful hard work. We have spent many months isolated to the house as we can't manage them going out. Now I have added to that problem and DS3 has a ten fold increased risk of autism too.

Why me. Was it not my my turn.

[Traci25]

Wow honey I'm soo sorry. I wish you had different news. Your not alone and if you need to vent please do so. I wish it was getting better for me but it's not. I've heard from others it does though.

[May333]

As a mother of 3 boys (15,13 and 3) I can tell you I have never looked at any of them and wish they were a girl, I cried with DS2 when I found out he was a boy and that was it, with DS3 I had a feeling he was a boy, I know in my heart wanted a girl but I was happy and the only thing that I couldn't handle were people comments, to this day the one thing I'm afraid of now that I'm swaying for number 4 is to be pregnant with another boy and have to deal with comments. Boys are super fun, I feel so blessed with them, mine love shopping and clothes and now days you can get all kind of cool stuff.
Boys are a blessing, my two oldest are teenagers now and We are very close. You will never stop wanting a girl but you will love and accept your next boy, you will love him so much!!! My third boy is the best thing that ever happened to me


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[Dreamsister]

As a mother of 3 boys (15,13 and 3) I can tell you I have never looked at any of them and wish they were a girl, I cried with DS2 when I found out he was a boy and that was it, with DS3 I had a feeling he was a boy, I know in my heart wanted a girl but I was happy and the only thing that I couldn't handle were people comments, to this day the one thing I'm afraid of now that I'm swaying for number 4 is to be pregnant with another boy and have to deal with comments. Boys are super fun, I feel so blessed with them, mine love shopping and clothes and now days you can get all kind of cool stuff.
Boys are a blessing, my two oldest are teenagers now and We are very close. You will never stop wanting a girl but you will love and accept your next boy, you will love him so much!!! My third boy is the best thing that ever happened to me


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You are so right. I could have written the exact same.


DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016

[Claire33]

A few years ago I heard that I was having a DS3. I really had hope that this one would finally be a girl (I had hoped for a girl every pregnancy). I was absolutely devastated. I didn't want to be pregnant anymore, I wanted the baby to just disappear. I hated feeling him kicking inside, I couldn't sleep, I cried and cried, it was horrible. It took me a few weeks to start feeling a bit better and then the next months to come to terms with it. By the time he was born I was used to the idea and I loved him so much when he was born. I felt that having him added so much love to our family.

Fast forward 3 years and this little boy is the most wonderful little child, very loving, cuddly, fun and easy going. I cannot imagine that I ever felt bad about him. And when I was pregnant I couldn't imagine ever feeling good about him. But here we are and he is wonderful. I agree, having 2 children is easier, but adding a third to the dynamic was just great for us.

Things will be ok in the end. :kissy:

[2xblue]

Hi ladies! Thank you for your comments and stories. They mean so much to me.I haven't read this thread I started for awhile. I've been trying to focus on other things. I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and some days I've been feeling ok about the baby being a boy but then something triggers my GD. Like when I see my friends with they're little girls or when I'm at the park with my boys and see someone I know just had a baby and it's of course a girl after a boy. It's just so heartbreaking and I can't see myself ever getting over this. I know I will have this longing for a girl for the rest of my life. I haven't bought much baby clothes. I hate buying blue even though I love blue as a color but we already have closets full of blue clothes. The ones I have bought are neutral in color... I just can't stop looking at the baby girl clothes at stores even though I'm trying to avoid looking at them.

I'm dreaming about HT and I guess that is what keeps me surviving through this.... But I can't tell dh about it. Not yet. Maybe after this little boy is born and the newborn stage is over. But still can't see him agreeing having a 4th child. How on earth am I going to convince him to have a 4th and try HT??

[Navywife620]

Reading your post brings back so many emotions. I know exactly how you feel. I had ds3 in 2013. Things will get better. I can't say that your desire for a girl will go away. As here I am wanting to try one last time. But my love and bond with ds3 is amazing. His baby blue eyes and big smile melt my heart. Now that he's almost 3 I wouldn't trade him for a girl.

[2xblue]

I just found out I'm having my 3rd son and I'm devastated. I know it's horrible to say but envious when hear someone say they had a miscarriage. I don't want this, not these feelings. I had gd horribly with ds2 and it never went away until we ttc pink again. And it failed. I hate I didn't go for Ivf. If it never went away bf it's never going to go away. What do I do? What was I thinking? Did anyone ever get closure?

Hi Traci. I'm so sorry you are going through this aswell. It's just so hard trying to cope with gd. How many weeks are you? How are you doing now? Is there a chance you could try for a fourth child?

[2xblue]

Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do, feelings are just feelings and there is nothing wrong or shameful in feeling a certain way. I also have two boys and am pregnant with the third who is I think another boy.... Long story but had two different gender blood results the boy result is probably the more accurate. I feel exactly the same way you do.... I avoid all conversations about what I'm having and haven't even told half my family I'm 4 months pregnant until I find out because I want to avoid all that bet you want a girl speech. Feel free to pm me anytime as I really feel for you. I thought I may miscarry a few weeks ago and although I was gutted it did cross my mind miscarriages sway pink. I felt shitty for even thinking it

What kind of blood test did you have? Are you going to ask the gender at the next scan?

[2xblue]

I just had to reply to this thread because I felt exactly the same way when I was pregnant with my 3rd boy. It was SO hard to convince dh to have a 3rd child—we honestly almost split up over it. At the time he was for sure our last baby. And when I found out it was a boy, all I could do was cry. I felt the same way you ladies do—didn't want him, wished I'd never gotten pregnant, etc. And then felt horribly guilty for feeling that way. I hated shopping for baby clothes, hated envisioning more boy stuff in the house, hated the whole thing. Nothing anyone said made me feel better. All that helped was time. Seeing him and holding him in my arms was wonderful and made some of the gd melt away. But I'll be honest that I didn't bond as closely with him right away as I did with my other sons. With them, I could just enjoy my baby for who he was. With the third, every time I looked at him of course I saw my son that I loved but I also saw the girl I'd never have. So there was that sadness and regret for a long time. I didn't love him less than my other two, it was just harder because he represented a loss as well. And I felt TONS of guilt for feeling that way!

My 3rd son is four now. Last year he was diagnosed as autistic, which took the guilt and disappointment (not in him) factors to a whole new place. Knowing he may never speak, may never live independently, may never do all the "boy" things that I had dreaded has done a 180 on my way of thinking about him. And really in my heart made me grateful for every moment we have together. Every hug or smile I get is so precious now. I am closer with him than any of my kids, and he really is my "happy spot" in life.

Anyway—IMHO, it's completely valid to feel how you are right now. It does not make you a monster. Lots of really good, loving mothers have felt the same way. You may some day stop wishing you had a girl, and you may not, but you for sure will stop resenting or regretting your son. I know that probably doesn't help the GD right now, but at least know it won't last forever!

Thank you for your story. So you're pregnant with your 4th child now? And it's a girl? How did your dh agree having a 4th if you almost split up when trying to convince him having a third? I'm sorry your ds3 has diagnosed as autistic. I can totally understand it takes all the guilty and disappointment factors in to a new place. Hoping he can have as normal life as possible.

[2xblue]

Can I join please. Found out yesterday I'm expecting DS3. My husband has been lovely and said we can go PGD for a fourth but I really don't want 4 kids and I don't think I could go through the heartache ogit not working.

We have been through a fair amount of tough times and I really thought maybe this would be our turn to have the happiness of hearing it's a girl. Nope I will never hear that. I will never leave a scan feeling joy, only heartache. The tech said to me 'happy shopping' on the way out, I was like yeah right. I'm sick of boy stuff. I'd like to think that buying some boy outfits may help me feel better but where there are boy things there are girl things and I can't face that.

One of my boys also has autism and it has been awful hard work. We have spent many months isolated to the house as we can't manage them going out. Now I have added to that problem and DS3 has a ten fold increased risk of autism too.

Why me. Was it not my my turn.

I'm so sorry you are going through gd too. I'm happy we have this forum where we can share our feelings. I'm sorry one of your sons has autism aswell. You are very fortunate to have a dh who would like to try for a 4th and try HT. I really wish mine was like that too.

[2xblue]

As a mother of 3 boys (15,13 and 3) I can tell you I have never looked at any of them and wish they were a girl, I cried with DS2 when I found out he was a boy and that was it, with DS3 I had a feeling he was a boy, I know in my heart wanted a girl but I was happy and the only thing that I couldn't handle were people comments, to this day the one thing I'm afraid of now that I'm swaying for number 4 is to be pregnant with another boy and have to deal with comments. Boys are super fun, I feel so blessed with them, mine love shopping and clothes and now days you can get all kind of cool stuff.
Boys are a blessing, my two oldest are teenagers now and We are very close. You will never stop wanting a girl but you will love and accept your next boy, you will love him so much!!! My third boy is the best thing that ever happened to me


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Good luck with your sway! I think because I swayed it was even harder to accept having an opposite as I felt my sway was so good... I tried to prepare hearing it's a boy but when I heard it it was just so devastating. I really hope your sway will work, good luck!

I'm actually in a place where I have accepted this one being a boy. I know I will love him. But the thought of never trying HT for a fourth is just killing me. It's something I think about every day and it's consuming me.

[2xblue]

Reading your post brings back so many emotions. I know exactly how you feel. I had ds3 in 2013. Things will get better. I can't say that your desire for a girl will go away. As here I am wanting to try one last time. But my love and bond with ds3 is amazing. His baby blue eyes and big smile melt my heart. Now that he's almost 3 I wouldn't trade him for a girl.

Thank you for your kind words. Good luck trying for that one last time. Are you swaying?

[2xblue]

Our 3rd son is one month now. Time has gone so quickly. I love him and he is a sweet boy. His brothers love him as well. He has a bad reflux though and it's been tough...

My dream to have a daughter hasn't gone away. I just heard one of my friend had a boy (they were team green). They have 2 daughters and now a boy. I know they were hoping for a boy and of course they had him. It really triggered my gd... Why so many people get what they want. I've been really emotional through these few weeks. DH has said he really doesn't want any more children and he's been telling me that many times. I haven't told him I'm still dreaming to have a daughter some day. Right now tears are falling down my cheeks and I feel I want to talk to someone about this but I can't. I feel so alone with my feelings. I have these lovely three boys who I love but I don't feel complete. I feel I'm lost and don't know what to do... I haven't been on this forum for awhile but now I needed to log in and write down my feelings.

[Raezodal]

Our 3rd son is one month now. Time has gone so quickly. I love him and he is a sweet boy. His brothers love him as well. He has a bad reflux though and it's been tough...

My dream to have a daughter hasn't gone away. I just heard one of my friend had a boy (they were team green). They have 2 daughters and now a boy. I know they were hoping for a boy and of course they had him. It really triggered my gd... Why so many people get what they want. I've been really emotional through these few weeks. DH has said he really doesn't want any more children and he's been telling me that many times. I haven't told him I'm still dreaming to have a daughter some day. Right now tears are falling down my cheeks and I feel I want to talk to someone about this but I can't. I feel so alone with my feelings. I have these lovely three boys who I love but I don't feel complete. I feel I'm lost and don't know what to do... I haven't been on this forum for awhile but now I needed to log in and write down my feelings.
I'm glad you are enjoying your ds3, sorry it's been a tough month with reflux.

I don't know that the longing ever goes away. :( I have found it lessened with time as my boys have gotten bigger and even though I will never get the daughter I have always wanted, I am more at peace with that than I was when I was expecting ds3 (currently 28w pregnant with ds5). As has been said, I wouldn't change any of my boys from who they are, they are each exactly who they need to be...and honestly...who I need them to be, if that makes sense. I have spent a lot of time recently wondering what it is about having a daughter that I long for and I think that is helping me....

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here. :) I hope that your ds3's reflux improves and that as he gets bigger, the longing for a daughter diminishes. Your so might come around...mine was dead set against any more kids when ds4 was born and he told me and everyone who would listen that we were DONE having kids...and here we are. I think I recall you saying that your so was "done" after two...but you never know.... Maybe? Give it some time. You might decide you are complete with 3 boys...you might not...your so might change his mind....

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[2xblue]

Thank you Raezodal. I wouldn't change my boys for anything either. They are my whole world. But still there is a place in my heart for a daughter... I just have this feeling that she's waiting for us somewhere. I actually had a talk with dh few days ago. He saw something was wrong and I just had to tell him. First he said he is absolutely done having kids. No more. He said if I want to have more kids we had to get divorce. I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. I don't want to break our family because I want to have a girl. Dh said I'm being so selfish and why I can't be happy what we got already. I hate gd and I wish I felt complete with our family but I don't. We talked again a couple days later and after a lot of tears we decided after 5 years we will see if dh would agree on 4th. He said he's not promising anything. I also told him that I have a very strong desire for a girl right now but who knows how I feel after 5 years. Maybe I will feel happy and complete, who knows. But right now I feel optimistic about the future and maybe, just maybe, we can try HT for a girl someday.

[Dreams4Violet]

Hi 2xblue and all others, I just joined this site as I just found out this weekend that I'm pregnant with my third son. My heart feels broken and I am devastated. I am thinking about calling a counselor because I feel so awful. Since finding out, the one thing that is giving me hope is that there is HT options. My husband didn't even want a third so I know he will refuse. I just feel like this was my last chance. I just wanted to say you are all not alone. I feel so much guilt for feeling this way but don't know how to stop.
Also, 2xblue, Congrats on the birth of your baby!!!'


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[2xblue]

Dreams4Violet, you are exactly in the same position as me. Third boy, dh didn't even want to have a third and dreaming about HT. I really hope you will feel better. I feel much better now that he is here, the pregnancy was the worst part. But I still want to have a daughter. Counselor might be really helpful.
And thank you, he is a lovely boy.

[Dreams4Violet]

2x blue, we do sound like we have a lot in common. Thank you for the words of encouragement! I can't wait for my baby to be here- I know once I see his face and hold him I will love him exactly as he is. I also think I will still long for a daughter though. My husband has already scheduled a vasectomy consultation for November :(. I want to try and get him to at least cancel this. I like your compromise with your husband to revisit the idea of a fourth child in a few years. In a few years, I may not still long for a daughter like I do now. I may feel content and complete with my three boys then- I actually hope and pray that does happen because I hate feeling like this! I also can't imagine going through with HT but I know 100% that I would need to go that route if I were to ever have another baby.


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[Magical22]

Hi 2x blue I just wanted to add also that your not alone, I found out last week I'm having DS3. We tried HT in the US this year and where unsuccessful we fell a month later and have DS3 on the way. I pushed and pushed for this third Bub and to try for a daughter so I know I can't push no more. I'm sorry your going through this but your definitely not alone. Hugs [emoji166]


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[Magical22]

2x blue, we do sound like we have a lot in common. Thank you for the words of encouragement! I can't wait for my baby to be here- I know once I see his face and hold him I will love him exactly as he is. I also think I will still long for a daughter though. My husband has already scheduled a vasectomy consultation for November :(. I want to try and get him to at least cancel this. I like your compromise with your husband to revisit the idea of a fourth child in a few years. In a few years, I may not still long for a daughter like I do now. I may feel content and complete with my three boys then- I actually hope and pray that does happen because I hate feeling like this! I also can't imagine going through with HT but I know 100% that I would need to go that route if I were to ever have another baby.


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My husband is also pushing for a V, I think he's booking in soon.
I just need Bub in my arms so I can fall head over heels in love with him [emoji170]


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[2xblue]

Dreams4Violet, before I asked dh to try for a third child he said he would like to get a vasectomy done. I was really against it. And the annoying part was that my mil said many times he should get the vasectomy done! It's not her bisness at all. Dreams4Violet, I would definitely ask your dh to cancel the vasectomy. Maybe you can ask him the same as me, revisit the idea of a 4th child after 5 years? For me ht feels a bit scary but that is the only way to go for me too if we are ever going to try for a 4th. I'm sure we would have another boy and I couldn't go through this horrible gd again.

Magical, I remember you! Were we on the same 2ww thread? Congrats on your pregnancy! How are you feeling that the baby is a boy? I am really sorry that ht didn't work for you.

[Magical22]

Dreams4Violet, before I asked dh to try for a third child he said he would like to get a vasectomy done. I was really against it. And the annoying part was that my mil said many times he should get the vasectomy done! It's not her bisness at all. Dreams4Violet, I would definitely ask your dh to cancel the vasectomy. Maybe you can ask him the same as me, revisit the idea of a 4th child after 5 years? For me ht feels a bit scary but that is the only way to go for me too if we are ever going to try for a 4th. I'm sure we would have another boy and I couldn't go through this horrible gd again.

Magical, I remember you! Were we on the same 2ww thread? Congrats on your pregnancy! How are you feeling that the baby is a boy? I am really sorry that ht didn't work for you.

Yes we where [emoji1360]

I'm 14 weeks today actually [emoji846]

I was gutted but day by day I'm getting better I just need him in my arms, I'm excited to meet him.


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[2xblue]

Happy to hear that you are feeling better. How old are your sons?

[Magical22]

Happy to hear that you are feeling better. How old are your sons?

2 and 5 [emoji846]


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[2xblue]

Almost the same as mine, DS1 will be 5 just before Christmas and DS2 is 2 :happy:

[Dreams4Violet]

Dreams4Violet, before I asked dh to try for a third child he said he would like to get a vasectomy done. I was really against it. And the annoying part was that my mil said many times he should get the vasectomy done! It's not her bisness at all. Dreams4Violet, I would definitely ask your dh to cancel the vasectomy. Maybe you can ask him the same as me, revisit the idea of a 4th child after 5 years? For me ht feels a bit scary but that is the only way to go for me too if we are ever going to try for a 4th. I'm sure we would have another boy and I couldn't go through this horrible gd again.

Magical, I remember you! Were we on the same 2ww thread? Congrats on your pregnancy! How are you feeling that the baby is a boy? I am really sorry that ht didn't work for you.

2xblue, thank you for the advice and I will definitely be talking with him more about it. I became a member on the site so that I could view the HT member boards to learn more but I have no idea what any of them mean lol. I also am trying to locate a list of providers to even see if there are any near me in Ohio. It seems like such a daunting idea but I figure if I start learning now, in a few years I should be pretty knowledgeable, if we do decide to try for a fourth.


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[Momof3boy]

I know where you are. I already got the 3 boys, and I never wanted that many children, we only did it for the girl. Now I am pragnet again and I was not planned. I am only 12+ weeks and we know from the blood test it is another boy. I cannot stop crying either and I see baby girls all over the place. I feel like you, that there is no point in having another one when it is just another boy. I really just want a girl, otherwise I dont want more. It is terrible and I also feel so guilty not to love him....He do not deserve it but I just dont want him.

[2xblue]

Haven't been on this forum for ages. I've just been trying to live normal life and trying to forget my gd. Our ds3 is now almost 1 year 8 months old. He's a very happy and lovely boy. He's very active, learnt to walk 10 months old and keeps me very busy. He's climbing everywhere and doing things he shouldn't. I've been really tired to this as it has been going on for months. I don't know if I'm a bit depressed as some days feels like it's just too much. Gd is on my mind also daily. I just can't get over it. Almost everyone near me gets a girl after a boy or those who have only girls gets a boy as their third child. I just feel so unlucky even though I know I should feel blessed with lovely boys. It's been two years since we found out we are having a third boy and I still have gd. I hate this feeling. What gets me going is still dreaming about HT. Maybe some day if I can convince DH. Just needed to vent here...

[onebigwish]

Haven't been on this forum for ages. I've just been trying to live normal life and trying to forget my gd. Our ds3 is now almost 1 year 8 months old. He's a very happy and lovely boy. He's very active, learnt to walk 10 months old and keeps me very busy. He's climbing everywhere and doing things he shouldn't. I've been really tired to this as it has been going on for months. I don't know if I'm a bit depressed as some days feels like it's just too much. Gd is on my mind also daily. I just can't get over it. Almost everyone near me gets a girl after a boy or those who have only girls gets a boy as their third child. I just feel so unlucky even though I know I should feel blessed with lovely boys. It's been two years since we found out we are having a third boy and I still have gd. I hate this feeling. What gets me going is still dreaming about HT. Maybe some day if I can convince DH. Just needed to vent here...


I totally feel you. It looks like everyone gets girls so easily only me :( one woman told me once that having three boys is a punishment from
God and when i was pregnant with ds2 she said ooh your DH shooted the wrong, that hurts so bad....

[Bobster]

How are you feeling now 2xblue? I felt exactly the same with ds2 in pregnancy and after. We are expecting no.3 now and I’m anticipating another boy. So scared about feeling the same way again and never feeling complete. I hope in another few years your hubby comes round to trying HT if that’s still what you want to do.