Only comfortable posting under Later Moms

[1moregirl]

I posted a comment in the ttc section and voiced my concerns about ttc again and got a really negative reply from someone sayingI shouldn't go ahead and try for another baby if I'm jeopardising my health, etc, etc. Like we really need those sort of comments? Unbelievable. I was hoping I would get some supportive, encouraging and positive comments but nope....so it's the last time I post anything any where else but here. All I do is give positive comments to other people and then I cop that? :(

[bunnywabbit]

I'm so sorry, 1moregirl, that was really unfair. There are a lot of later mums on these forums a lot more than you'd realise (Atomic for one!). Please don't let one person's comments bring you down. You're absolutely entitled to post your feelings in whichever thread you'd like. I didn't see the response of this other person, but I understand she may have been concerned about your well-being but could've been put better if it's made you feel low. Seriously there are many mum's of mature maternal age here, myself included. The only thing I will say is us mature mums may need a bit more advice on how best to get our desired gender the best way possible. Do you have a personalised plan? If so I'd really want to ask Atomic for one, she really does cover everything and has your best interests at heart. Hang in there, girlie xx

[atomic sagebrush]

please give me a link and I'll address. Haven't seen it yet

[1moregirl]

I am sorry about that Atomic. I will just post here in the 'later moms' section from now on as I don't want to risk being condemned again and that was really what it felt like. That lady even mentioned my DH not being on board and I hadn't even mentioned that. In fact, I had mentioned recently that he had agreed to one cycle try. I may have left myself wide open for criticism and a personal attack (as that was what it felt like) but I was simply just voicing my concerns about trying to conceive again in the hope that I would be reassured and comforted in a positive way. She could've at least used some tact and worded her message in a better way. I would never reply to another person's message the way she did. It was very insensitive and nasty. I have since added that person to my ignore list so does that mean I won't be able to read anything she posts to me again? I really don't like confrontations at all. :(

[MrsGoodies]

Thats just terrible 1moregirl. Dont listen to the naysayers.

Fwiw I had an emergency d&c and almost bled to death also, and concieved again and m/c again unfortunately. i was so terrified of hemmorraging again I had a hospital bag packed and never went more than a few minutes from my house but the miscarriage was normal this time.

I figure at our age we have to break a few eggs to make an omlete...so keep your chin up & keep trying.

[1moregirl]

Mrs. Goodies - thanks soooo much Hun. We should only be getting positive, supportive and encouraging messages I believe. I hope you get to crack the good egg next time Hun and get a sticky bubby. :)

[purple]

Sorry you are getting negative comments.

I had a similar m/c to you in June last year where I ended up passing out from blood loss and had 2 blood transfusions and then a d&c. With my latest miscarriage I opted to go to the hospital for it to be medically managed as they didn't recommend me staying at home and also I wanted to avoid another d&c. There was a lot less blood and it progressed more slowly at the hospital. I had to have a canula (drip connector thing) in my hand just in case due to my history but it wasn't needed. Physically I recovered really quickly and emotionally I'm coping better since it wasn't as traumatic.

Hopefully you don't experience another miscarriage but at least you know it can be managed carefully or it may not even be as extreme as last time.

[Pbn3]

1moregirl I tried to send you a pm but it didn't go through :( can you try pm me so I can reply :)

519b48 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/519b48)

[Pbn3]

MrsGoodies can I say how much I love what you said about breaking a few eggs to make an omelette! This really hit me in a good way so thank you again :)

519b48 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/519b48)

[1moregirl]

1moregirl I tried to send you a pm but it didn't go through :( can you try pm me so I can reply :)

519b48 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/519b48)

Hi Pbn. I checked my settings and I somehow how it switched to not receive Pm's but I've changed it now so all should be good. :)

[Traci25]

I'm 40 and 9 wks pregnant with my 4th. I'm waiting to take the test and pray it's healthy, I ttc girl. If it what you want go for it and best of luck!

[1moregirl]

I'm 40 and 9 wks pregnant with my 4th. I'm waiting to take the test and pray it's healthy, I ttc girl. If it what you want go for it and best of luck!

Thankyou Traci. I hope you get your girl Hun. Do you have three boys already? Good luck to you and I pray you have a cruisey healthy pregnancy. :)

[The Anchor]

Sorry to hear. There are more "private" forums but you need a dream membership. Lots of people don't post on the public forums at all.

[Traci25]

I have 1dd and 2 ds, my daughter has been begging for a sister for 5 years. I have always wanted 2 and 2 but want her to have a sister, it's such an amazing bond. Although I feel it's a boy and so nervous. Il love him too but I'm scared of gender disappointment. I know it's gods will. Are you going to go for it?! What's your sway plan? Il find out in a month! I swayed pretty hard hopefully it was enouhh

[1moregirl]

All my plans are rapidly disappearing down the loo right now. CD 15 today...BD last night and at the crucial moment DH pulled out. This then led to another argument and him saying he doesn't want another baby. I went to sleep laying on my tummy, just in case a few swimmers managed to stay inside me, with some silent tears sliding down my cheeks. I don't think me packing up and leaving with our three children would even make him change his mind, let alone bother him. How can a husband say he loves you but keep denying you one think you ask for? I know he has already given me three beautiful children and I am grateful for that, but I just need to have this one last try for one last girl. It may not even work? I could miscarry again or I may not even be able to get pregnant again,but I just need to try. But he doesn't understand. He can't see through his own selfish reasons, which are really excuses to me. Money, not enough room in the house, he lacks patience. I try to tell him subsequent babies don't cost any money until they get to school, by which time I will be back working. I think he believes I will never go back to work. He knew before we had our third baby (little boy) that I wanted to sway for a second little girl and that was 4 years ago. I really don't know what to do from here....just stuck in a rut. He thought he had agreed to 'one shot' as in, literally, one night with one BD - yet I really meant one cycle. Yet last cycle we had one BD at first pos OPK (unbeknownst to him thank heavens) and BFN. What do I do from here? I told him last night what if I say no to sex with condoms and he replied, no sex then. I feel such despair this morning, and heartache over this. Things had been so good between us lately as well. If only he never knew when I had my period, then it might all work out better. I don't know...:(

[Traci25]

I'm soo sorry. It's so hard when they are not on board. My sister experienced this, she wanted a third and her husband basically did the same thing. She decided to stop pushing it because she wanted to keep her marriage strong. And now 5 years later she's at peace with it. Have you had a heart to heart and told him how you feel, what emotions your experiencing?what is he's reasons for not having another? I wish I had brilliant advice for you maybe some other ladies have been there before. I hope your dream comes true!

I'm pregnant with my 4th and sometimes I wonder if I should've done it, is it going to be to hard? I'm super nervous and on edge. I never thought I'd be feeling this I wanted to ttc girl for so long. I just have a feeling it's a ds, il know in a month.

[MrsGoodies]

1 moregirl, i feel for you because i went thru the same thing. I wonder why its the spouse who wants more kids supposed to be the one to "give in"? That to me is just B.S. if your DH changes his mind in 10 yrs he can just go for it. But you have an expiration date.

I know people 60-70 yrs old who STILL wish had more children including my MIL...people don't regret kids they have.

In another post I told you what I told my DH when I had this argument and he came round in less than a week after pouting for a couple days. In the end his man-primal nature kicked in and he wanted HIS sperm offspring in the house ....lol.

[1moregirl]

1 moregirl, i feel for you because i went thru the same thing. I wonder why its the spouse who wants more kids supposed to be the one to "give in"? That to me is just B.S. if your DH changes his mind in 10 yrs he can just go for it. But you have an expiration date.

I know people 60-70 yrs old who STILL wish had more children including my MIL...people don't regret kids they have.

In another post I told you what I told my DH when I had this argument and he came round in less than a week after pouting for a couple days. In the end his man-primal nature kicked in and he wanted HIS sperm offspring in the house ....lol.

Thanks Hun. Yes I just read your other post. Good on you! I feel exactly the same as you. Why should we women have to forfeit our desire to have another baby when our husbands don't want another? It is total BS to me too. We are the ones who carry them for 9 months, have the pain of labour and birth, and the ones who are on call for the Bub 24/7 for the first few years (and I'm not complaining about any of those things as I have loved every single minute of doing these 3 times over now). I'm not saying men are just sperm donors, but all the hard work is really down to us.

My DH knows when I have my period because he probably sees the used napkins in the bin in our ensuite and when he gives me cuddles he touches my bum and feels the napkin. How can I hide that now? Maybe I should use tampons or my soft cup or just be more discreet so he doesn't find out? I just have a hard time getting him to BD without a condom. And if I said to him, 'if you're going to use condoms, then no sex' he will stick to his guns and not have sex because we are both as stubborn as each other. I have also felt soooo desperate I'd thought of putting holes in the condoms but then I would feel guilty and worried that he would find out. I just don't know why he can't suck it up and give in to keep the peace and make me happy. All I want is to try for a couple of months and if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen and I will accept that. I'm not asking him to go to IVF because I definitely want a baby out of it, and we have three children already and can't afford IVF anyway...you see what I mean? I was soooo disappointed last cycle when I got a BFN because I actually got him to BD the night of my first pos OPK without a condom, but nothing.....that was all it took last year too...one shot without a condom and bingo. He wasn't happy at first for a few days, but eventually he came round and he was excited about it. So the last time I was completely, blissfully 100% happy was last year on 17th August at our little boy's 3 Rd birthday party, because I was pregnant (9 weeks on that day) and things were good between DH and I. Then a week later it was all over. I had done a strict girl sway as well and was convinced I was getting my second little girl. I just wanted one more shot but I don't think DH gets it. Sorry for rambling and venting. :(

[squigglepink]

Hi..

Has your DH put his foot down though? As in, categorically NO MORE?! Because although he seems reluctant it doesn't sound like he's adamant but rather a bit scared. Im very sorry for your previous loss. Perhaps he is slightly tainted by that and is erring on the side of caution. Perhaps you can tell him that you feel someone is missing in your family.. because that is how i feel. I lost one at 3 months pregnant in between my boys.. and for some reason, that feeling of someone i have not met yet has never left me.. i guess what works in my favour, with my DH, is that we dont have a DD, so we have a 50/50 chance of one, which i think is why my DH is sort of ok to try for one.. But let me tell you, he is not exactly jumping for joy.. he is worried that we could end up with 3 boys, when we are already happy with 2 gorgeous ones and also the money for 3 kids. I know if i said im done, and im content, my DH would support that and be totally fine with things as we are.
There are moments when my DH is overwhelmed with the chaos our two boys bring and he takes one look at me and says, how would we manage 3? And im sure its those moments when he is thankful we only have two kids!
Im sure your DH will come around again, especially as he was willing to do it before - even though it was a 'one shot'!
He wont be able to go without sex for long either even if he is stubborn!!
Wishing you all the best and i have faith you will get your one last time baby xx

[MrsGoodies]

My DH knows when I have my period because he probably sees the used napkins in the bin in our ensuite and when he gives me cuddles he touches my bum and feels the napkin. How can I hide that now? Maybe I should use tampons or my soft cup or just be more discreet so he doesn't find out? I just have a hard time getting him to BD without a condom. And if I said to him, 'if you're going to use condoms, then no sex' he will stick to his guns and not have sex because we are both as stubborn as each other. I have also felt soooo desperate I'd thought of putting holes in the condoms but then I would feel guilty and worried that he would find out. I just don't know why he can't suck it up and give in to keep the peace and make me happy. All I want is to try



As for feeling guilty...HE should feel guilty for lying and getting your hopes up. In the bible Tamar was promised a baby and waited for years...then finally dressed up like a prostitute so she could trick Judah into conceiving. Judah found out she was pregnant he called what she did righteous because he had reniged on his promise to give her offspring.

[trifecta]

I really hope your husband comes around to the idea of another but in the meanwhile maybe you should go to counseling together. You guys have been hashing this out for a while and have not come to a real agreement.

There are all kinds of happy children: children from small families, children from large families, children with only brothers, children with only sisters, children with both, children with no siblings at all. How functional and happy you are as a family has nothing to do with how many children you have or what sex they are.

No children are happy--NONE--when their parents are fighting.

I think you should put that first, not only because it gives you the best chance of getting what you want (which it does), but because having a happy family is the whole point. Anyway, best of luck. I hope you read this as a "food for thought" post and not an unsupportive post.

[1moregirl]

I really hope your husband comes around to the idea of another but in the meanwhile maybe you should go to counseling together. You guys have been hashing this out for a while and have not come to a real agreement.

There are all kinds of happy children: children from small families, children from large families, children with only brothers, children with only sisters, children with both, children with no siblings at all. How functional and happy you are as a family has nothing to do with how many children you have or what sex they are.

No children are happy--NONE--when their parents are fighting.

I think you should put that first, not only because it gives you the best chance of getting what you want (which it does), but because having a happy family is the whole point. Anyway, best of luck. I hope you read this as a "food for thought" post and not an unsupportive post.

Thanks Trifecta. That is definitely food for thought. Thankfully most of the conversations (or disagreements I should say) we've had about the topic have been confined to our bedroom at night when the kids are asleep. No I don't think your message was unsupportive at all. It was really good and I appreciate that perspective. I certainly don't want to be harping on at him all the time about it, that's for sure. Just today I text him and said I was sorry for the other night, that I wouldn't mention it again (at least for a while ;) and said I might just buy a puppy instead. Bahahaha! That is kinda funny coz he doesn't really like dogs and we have two already. Thanks again for the advice. :)

[MrsGoodies]

Another puppy :rofl:

At least a baby doesn't chew through cords and pee all over the house.

[atomic sagebrush]

1 moregirl, i feel for you because i went thru the same thing. I wonder why its the spouse who wants more kids supposed to be the one to "give in"? That to me is just B.S. if your DH changes his mind in 10 yrs he can just go for it. But you have an expiration date.

I know people 60-70 yrs old who STILL wish had more children including my MIL...people don't regret kids they have.

In another post I told you what I told my DH when I had this argument and he came round in less than a week after pouting for a couple days. In the end his man-primal nature kicked in and he wanted HIS sperm offspring in the house ....lol.

:agree: totally, I also wonder why it's the one who wants another child (who is 9 times out of 10 the woman) who has to give in and everyone just shrugs helplessly like there is simply nothing to be done at all. :/ But I've gone on and on about this before!

At the end of it all it, it's going to ruin your relationship if you proceed with going behind his back. That is what you have to ask yourself. Is it worth it to take the chance? Maybe it is, but you need to be honest with yourself anyway about what the real consequences are, because I don't think he's going to be so happy about this pregnancy even if he was about the previous one.

[MrsGoodies]

:agree: totally, I also wonder why it's the one who wants another child (who is 9 times out of 10 the woman) who has to give in and everyone just shrugs helplessly like there is simply nothing to be done at all. :/ But I've gone on and on about this before!



You have? Where? I'd like to read it.

[1moregirl]

Low and behold he agreed to no condom last night (or early this morning at 4am) and got a positive smiley face this morning at around 8am. Had a positive yesterday morning on Ovuplan test strip but negative smiley face yesterday late afternoon. I think I will be pushing it though to do the 3 night in a row SMEP though as he looks super tired tonight. I think I'll just leave it at this attempt and see what happens. It worked out perfect timing. I was on top, then afterwards he helped me to have a big O (to help the swimmers along). After that he had to get out of bed and rush off to work so I laid for a long while on my tummy and then on my back with hips elevated (for about an hour). And then I put a little amount of preseed around top rim of soft cup and inserted it and left it in for 12 hours (I did this because I did it the last time I got a BFP last year and it made me feel better about the attempt). Didn't use any lube for BD as I was quite wet and I didn't want to fuss about looking for the preseed and risk him getting cold feet about wearing a condom. So there you have....small miracles really do happen. I thought I was out for this cycle for sure after our disagreement a few nights ago. I guess he really doesn't want a puppy. ;) wish me luck. I have a pineapple on standby to start eating from 1DPO til 5/6 DPO. We'll see what happens but I am not going to get excited like I did last cycle. And I am not going to test until around AF time as its not worth the disappointment. :)

[Pbn3]

Good luck 1moregirl!! Sending you sticky pink baby dust!!!

519b48 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/519b48)

[1moregirl]

Good luck 1moregirl!! Sending you sticky pink baby dust!!!

519b48 Ovulation charts on FertilityFriend.com (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/519b48)

Thankyou honey. You as well. Are you still in the 2 WW or waiting to do an attempt? Sorry, but I have a hard time keeping track of who is doing what here. Xx

[MrsGoodies]

Yay for small miracles 1moregirl!

Your attempt is really making me broody but this is only my first cycle after miscarriage and I had a uti/antibiotics...who knows how that would mess with my sway...i am only on the diet 40 days too which isnt long enough....but boy its going to be hard skipping when I see that +opk....

Hope you snag that golden eggy

[MrsGoodies]

Pbn3...your chart is looking good also.

I really hope you catch it this time. I am praying all of us ladies see our dreams come true!

[essnce629]

Good luck 1moregirl!!! Glad you got an attempt in!!

[1moregirl]

Thanks Essence. I am going to try to get another attempt in tonight though I may have Oed already. I had EW this morning but it is now creamy/tacky so it could be a O+12 (although a bit earlier than 12) or could just miss the egg altogether, but we'll see. Fingers crossed.