Second attempt almost over before its begun. :(

[1moregirl]

Cd 14 yesterday and BD last night and DH pulls out at the crucial moment. I was not happy and it led to an argument (or a heated discussion). He said again he doesn't want another baby and listed his pathetic reasons (excuses really) - money, job instability, no room in house, etc, etc. I think he believes I will never be going back to work myself. He said he had agreed to literally one shot (like one night of one BD attempt - he can't really do 2 sessions in a row anymore) - yet I explained I more meant one cycle of trying. He is not aware that last cycle we BD the night of my first pos OPK and nothing. So that presents a whole new dilemma for me as well. Clearly it is taking more than just one shot for me to get a BFP, yet he won't come to the party at all. He also said I am not even doing any of the things I mentioned on my 'contract/compromise' like getting rid of a lot of toys, getting kids to bed earlier and sleeping in their own beds, etc. I told him I wasn't going to start on those things until he had agreed to the terms of my contract. Atomic - I think you were right about that sill contract causing more problems than it was worth. I have since hidden the damn thing anyway. I also can't believe he has made a power trip game out of all of this...one day he agreed to try for one more baby, then another day he said he'd changed his mind, then he agreed again. If only he never knew when I had my periods...then this whole thing would be sooo much easier and could just result in a surprise baby. I have been feeling sooo desperate I have almost thought of putting holes in condoms or pretending to take a birth control pill. I don't think anything is going to change his mind. He is accepting of babies when they happen (like our third surprise boy and our pregnancy last year where he became genuinely excited) yet he just does not want to try.

[Katt2275]

I'm sorry he changed his mind at the last minute like that. [emoji20] Maybe somehow he will agree to try again soon. I never thought I could convince my husband, but when I told him that I truly believed that I would resent him for the rest of our lives if he didn't, he agreed. Are you still in your fertile window for this month?

[1moregirl]

Yes I am Hun. CD 15 today and I usually O on CD 16, 17 or 18. :(

[MrsGoodies]

Ooooohhhh! I would be furious too! I think if he's going to renig on you like that then perhaps you ought to take things in your own hands. Its not like you can wait another 6 months for him to change his mind at our age.

How the heck does he know when you get your periods? Does he get an email announcement? I bet the fact he KNOWS you are trying this month and he KNOWS when the critical dates are is causing him to get cold feet.

Its not worth getting into arguments about. Drop the subject totally.

Then next month let him know your period is a few days late (when it actually started) and days later he when he thinks you are on day 7 when you are really on day 10 or 12 start bd without protection. Then after you get what you need from him make him wear condoms when he thinks its day 14-17but really it would be day 18-20... Ha ha too late!

Ps. The way i got my dh to agree was I calmly and matter of factly told him there was no way I would ever force him to have another baby because it is his life & his body and if he didnt want to give me one then fine - He can keep his precious sperms.....BUT in the same way he has no control over me and my body and if I want to carry, deliver and nurse another baby then that's what I will do...with a SPERM DONOR if thats what it takes.., 1/2 sibling is better than none but it was my preference to have a full blood sibling.... Dh liked the first part but not the second part too much but he couldn't argue with my reasoning....so he agreed to full blood sibling.

I dont know if i would have gone through with a sperm bank but I told him so he knows how serious I was. I felt like he was keeping me hostage with his stupid sperms..well I can get sperm on my own buddy!

[ever hopeful]

I know this is really hard for you BUT I think your DH has made his position pretty clear that he really doesn't want another baby. 3 is a lot and 4 is even more.....I'm really not saying this to be mean or unsupportive but my DH wasn't keen to try for number 4 but he did, and no denying it although she's the best thing we've ever done and he adores her to bits it's been a tough couple of years and my children all sleep very well in their own beds and we are lucky that money, job instability or space isn't an issue for us. The only reason I'm saying this is that if you do go ahead and get your long for 4th baby you don't want your DH constantly turning round and blaming you for things as that won't be fair on your existing family. Sadly life is all about compromise and I wonder if the two of you can have one more rational heart to heart and somehow try to end up on the same page or at the very least see where each other is coming from for the sake of your marriage and the three gorgeous children you already have. Good luck x

[Dreamsister]

I am so sorry you are struggling with concencus about such an important topic and that your DH is not on board. I think it is a really hard nut to crack. The only thing I can say is that I don't think nothing good comes out of lying about your period and cheat DH to a pregnancy. I think you have to have a 'heart to heart' conversation with him again and do all you can to convince him go with you. My DH and I have also had a lot of discussion about having #4 and DH is NOT AT ALL happy about it (he truly believes that 3 is enough), but he has agreed to follow my dream and do it for me, which I am very gratefull for. He thinks it is selfish of me to force through such an fundamental desicion that will affect him and our family for the rest of our life. He also blames me for using him like a breeding animal and not respecting his feelings about not feeling the urge to become a father once again. Our sexlife has also suffered from this as he dosen't really have any desire to have sex with me. Our first attempt is in May so I hope by that time his desire has returned. Just saying that I can truly understand your frustration and cross my fingers that you two are able to reach a new agreement without destroying your marriage. Try to show him that you respect him and his opinion, listen to his arguments and try to explain to him that a 4th child is not going to take anything away from him or changing the happiness you have together.

[Traci25]

I'm sorry, ttc is hard enough but when your on your own that's agonizing. I agree with ever hopeful, I don't want for you to ruin your marriage. I would focus on your marriage. I am divorced from my first husband and divorce is horrible. I'm not saying that will be you we had a mountain if issues! I'm not sure how old you are but do you have time? My husband and I gave ourselves 6 months to get bfp w #4 and the last month 2 weeks bf I was going on bc I got a bfp. He gave into me and I was true on my word and I was ok w it. I prayed for only a healthy baby then it wasn't meant to be. I'm now praying dd but thinking it's a ds, which is ok

I know this is a hard compromise, but do it together. Talk when your both calm and not emotional. I know that anxiety of ttc. It's horrible it changes your body and it's emotional and hormonal. I wish you the best of luck and all your dreams come true!!

[1moregirl]

Thanks ladies. No I would certainly not let it ruin our marriage and I do see things from his perspective. If it happens, it happens and I will consider myself very blessed. If it doesn't happen, then I will come to terms with it and still know that I am very blessed as I have three beautiful healthy children to prove it. As it turns out, we got a BD in last night (early hours of this morning really) without protection so will take it as it comes. I'm definitely not allowing myself to get excited this time or to test early. Thanks for all your kind, supportive and wise words. :)

[oceancitymom]

I know this is hard. My DH did the same thing to me back in January...pulled out...and guess what, I still got pregnant! No idea how...one must have escaped. It was a chemical, though. I'm in the same boat as you; my DH doesn't want another but he does want me to be happy. I agreed to some things too...like no complaining about his Saturday morning golf round. I've been true to that one; all the other things I promised have fallen away but he's still onboard with another. I know this is a terrible saying, but God it makes me laugh. I saw a pair of panties with this slogan written in pink glitter: "I have the p****, so I make the rules." Hahahahahaaaaaaa! I think even if your DH refused to make the attempt with you, you'll be able to convince him to BD with you in a future cycle.

[Traci25]

That's great news yeah! Guys do get more nervous about adding additions to the family!

[1moregirl]

Thanks ladies. Fingers and toes crossed. Xx