Bye-bye sexlife

[Dreamsister]

Hello lovely swaying-ladies. Just want to throw a personal question about your sex drive and sex life while swaying. I have experienced that my DH has lost his drive for sex with me because he feels reduced to a breeding animal. He has agreed to baby #4 allthough he personally don't want it. We have never gone through such a long period without sex (a month now). I hope that by the time we reach our first attempt in May his desire has returned. Is this the price I have to pay for my babyfever? Does any of you have experienced same about DH losing sex drive or stopping BD'ing because of mixed or negative feelings about having another baby?

[ksmom]

My DH's sex drive has pretty much always been that of a 16 year old boy lol but while TTC he does question at times if we're DTD solely because I'm ovulating. Swaying pink has caused my sex drive to go down to basically nonexistent so when we do DTD, it makes DH wonder if it's only for baby making purposes. He really, really wants another baby but I know this whole process makes him feel a bit "used." To remedy that, this cycle I didn't tell him when I thought I was ovulating so that way he didn't stress over it or feel pressured, wondering if it was for TTC purposes only. So far, he's none the wiser. ;) I've found that my DH feels way more anxious about DTD if I tell him I got a pos. OPK or that I'm going to ovulate soon because then he feels like he HAS to get me pregnant. When we were TTC DS2, DH actually couldn't perform from feeling too pressured to have sex. Even with TTC our first son, he felt like he was being used for breeding purposes like your DH feels. You could just DTD E4D so there's less pressure and it doesn't feel so mechanical. I think it's best to just leave DH out of the ins and outs so to speak of TTC and just BD once around ovulation without informing him it's "that time" of your cycle.

[atomic sagebrush]

It happens to a lot of people, that I do know. That is why I do a lot of the things the way I do, with trying to keep hubby from being very involved and making tons of demands on them. The less they know, the better.

Personally, I think it has eff-all to do with "I feel like a breeding animal" because seriously ladies, if a man was put out to stud with a stable of fillies they'd be in 7th heaven. I think it has to do with trying to take control over something they don't particularly want and know we do :/ and also like ks mentions that it doesn't feel spontaneous or sexy or fun. The latter thing, you can fix, by trying to make it more sexy and fun.

[oceancitymom]

I'm kind of jealous, actually. My DH gets cranky if we don't do it every other day. Ugh. He does know when it's time for our unprotected "one attempt" though because it's pretty much the only time I put in some effort with a little sexy lingerie and crap like that. ;)

[Throwaway_panther]

It happens to a lot of people, that I do know. That is why I do a lot of the things the way I do, with trying to keep hubby from being very involved and making tons of demands on them. The less they know, the better.

Personally, I think it has eff-all to do with "I feel like a breeding animal" because seriously ladies, if a man was put out to stud with a stable of fillies they'd be in 7th heaven. I think it has to do with trying to take control over something they don't particularly want and know we do :/ and also like ks mentions that it doesn't feel spontaneous or sexy or fun. The latter thing, you can fix, by trying to make it more sexy and fun.

Like a sage yet again -- I can't agree more. I think trying to take control and/or power in the dynamics of sex, gender, etc. is uncomfortable for even the most open-minded of men.

I also agree with "the less they know, the better." I know when we were just trying to conceive, period (before I knew about swaying), my husband was a bit put out by my overly scientific sexual choices... including my "Why are we having sex now? I already ovulated" response to the sex we had that DID end up conceiving our daughter, haha! My husband is reluctantly on board for the strategies I'll employ once we try for a boy, but I already know that putting ANY sort of stress on sex outside of, well, just wanting sex can be daunting to many men. So I think when it comes that time, I'll do what atomic suggests, and sort of... not let him know EVERYTHING. Hopefully the every other day of sex will be distracting enough without me saying "WE HAVE TO RELEASE THIS MUCH FOR A BOY."

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm kind of jealous, actually. My DH gets cranky if we don't do it every other day. Ugh. He does know when it's time for our unprotected "one attempt" though because it's pretty much the only time I put in some effort with a little sexy lingerie and crap like that. ;)

Mine too, but he also likes to use sex witholding as a punishment which sounds like what Dreamsister is experiencing. It is really annoying because i have never withheld sex ever (as supposedly the stereotype claims) but he does it all the time, whenever something is less than ideal (like I don't want to do X, Y, Z) and then will say outright "we never have sex". Grr.