Waiting to sway again after loss and feeling down

[mkddav]

Hi everybody.
DH and I had our pink sway in Feb. I had a bfp right on the first try, but then lost the pregnancy. My OB is doing lots of testing since it was not my first loss. I see him again for results in two weeks. I asked dh a week ago and he said he is good to ttc again if dr agrees all is well.
But when I mentioned it today he says he wants to wait another cycle or two. I could just kill him! And he doesn't want to sway again because he thinks that is what caused the m/c! I am at such a loss. Meanwhile two friends announced today that they are having girls. I am just feeling so defeated and deflated. It was so hard doing the big sway and so hard losing that baby and seeing others having girls. I don't know if I have it in me to do the diet again. I guess I just needed to vent. I just want to move on and start ttc again.

[maidentomother]

I would tell DH that you are more fertile after an early loss so should resume TTC immediately. There is some evidence that this may in fact be true, and it may sway pink also. You could fudge it and say or imply that your dr told you that explicitly...some drs DO advise that.

I'm so sorry. It was not the sway or anything you did. Hopefully the testing provides answers. How many losses have you had/at what stages?

Wishing you a pink rainbow soon. <3

[mkddav]

Thanks for the kind words. :)
I have had 3 losses, all around the 5 week mark. Seems like my first baby was the charm. He is now 2 1/2.
DH says his biggest reason is wanting to avoid a due date in winter for weather reasons. I do understand, but I just want to get on with it again. Who knows how long it might take. Plus my patience for swaying is decreasing. Especially the diet, which is apparently the most important component. :(

[maidentomother]

Considering how early your losses were, there is a good chance they were just bad luck. How old are you?

Diet is the most important aspect, but miscarriage does seem to sway pink, too, so I'd really try to convince him to TTC immediately.

[mkddav]

Any idea how long after mc the pink effect lasts? We skipped one cycle while aiting for all of he tests.

[mkddav]

I am 31. Not old, but not young either.

Do chemicals also sway pink, or just miscarriages? Or maybe for these purposes they are considered the same - I always consider them the same because "chemical" just makes it sound so trivial.

Any suggestions for a modified diet? Like if all I did was skip breakfast and lost weight would that still be worth trying?

[maidentomother]

The sooner after that you conceive the better, but we just don't know how long the effect lasts, how rapidly it declines, or how much gestation of loss matters. I suspect later losses may sway more but that's also more time off diet so it might balance out. It just varies I'm sure, based on each person and many other factors. I do think you should still try this cycle, I'd guess an early loss might sway for up to 3 cycles after. Just a guess though.

I agree chemical is a stupid term. Loss is loss.

I urge you to do the diet properly if at all possible bc it sways SO strongly, and is especially important if you aren't doing cardio. But if you know you just can't stick to it strictly, I would suggest 2-3 meals daily with no snacking, vegetarian or even better vegan, keep protein and especially fat low, and keep portions overall small (excluding fruit and veggies). If you don't go vegan, limit fullfat dairy and avoid butter and egg yolks except in very small amounts. I'm not sure if that version of the diet still seems too much - but you wouldn't have to count calories, fat or protein. An even simpler version would be 2-3 meals, no snacking, and vegan.

Any changes you can make to your diet will sway pink and are worth trying. Every little bit helps. It's just a matter of upping odds of pink by 5 vs 25 vs 50%.

[mkddav]

Thanks, you are a great help.
I would live to do the full diet. I'm supposed to be doing weight watchers but having big problems even sticking to that right now, so I'm guessing I probably won't find the motivation to do the full LE diet.
I've been off the diet for about a month. Started eating normally after the bfp, and started eating everything in sight after the loss. *sigh*
Anyway, I will do the best I can.

One other question. Is it skipping breakfast that is important, or just a long stretch between eating? Wondering if I could eat breakfast at a normal time if I stopped eating early the evening before.

[mkddav]

Thanks, you are a great help.
I would live to do the full diet. I'm supposed to be doing weight watchers but having big problems even sticking to that right now, so I'm guessing I probably won't find the motivation to do the full LE diet.
I've been off the diet for about a month. Started eating normally after the bfp, and started eating everything in sight after the loss. *sigh*
Anyway, I will do the best I can.

One other question. Is it skipping breakfast that is important, or just a long stretch between eating? Wondering if I could eat breakfast at a normal time if I stopped eating early the evening before.

[maidentomother]

It's the long stretch overnight (12-16hrs) that matters. You can totally do an early dinner instead of skipping breakfast.

WW is pretty decent for pink, btw. Like you said, just do your best, and what you can stick to.

[mkddav]

Thanks so much, you have been a big help to me. I appreciate it!

[atomic sagebrush]

Any idea how long after mc the pink effect lasts? We skipped one cycle while aiting for all of he tests.

Sooner is better, but the effects may last even 2-3 months after. We honestly don't know and it may vary by individual.

i'm so sorry for your loss, have you read this yet? http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gender-swaying-general-discussion/29504-guide-swaying-after-miscarriage.html

[atomic sagebrush]

I am 31. Not old, but not young either.

Do chemicals also sway pink, or just miscarriages? Or maybe for these purposes they are considered the same - I always consider them the same because "chemical" just makes it sound so trivial.

Any suggestions for a modified diet? Like if all I did was skip breakfast and lost weight would that still be worth trying?

We do not know if chemicals sway pink as strongly as later losses do. I doubt it because later losses take more of a toll on your body.

Skipping breakfast and losing weight are NOT LE Diet. For some reason everyone puts these to the most important spot in their minds but both of them have been less important than length of time on diet. If you can't do the diet (and I think you should give me a recap of what you were doing, becaue many times when people are struggling on diet, they're starving themselves) then just go vegetarian. If you want to tack on skipping breakfast and losing weight onto that it is up to you.

[atomic sagebrush]

Weight watchers is good too!! We've had very good luck with people using Weight Watchers (esp. the vegetarian form) when they can't do full LE Diet.

It's not skipping breakfast it's the length of time with no food coming in. If you find dinner easier to skip (or eat earlier) that's fine too. Personally I find breakfast easier to skip because I can't go to sleep when I'm hungry, but it's up to you on that. :agree:

[mkddav]

Thanks. I am trying to make WW as LE-friendly as I can, especially since with the new plan they emphasize protein so strongly.
I am doing what I can manage and leaving the rest. I realize some changes I've made probably sway blue. And it's true that's not my desire, but for the sake of my mental and physical health after two losses I think it's what I need to do. The weight loss is certainly giving me something positive to focus on. Even if the diet and exercise aren't as pink friendly. (Hopefully the weight loss itself will help as a sway tactic.)

[atomic sagebrush]

Just the act of "learning" the art of doing the doable and leaving the rest sways pink, MK. Keep up the good work, you're heading in the right direction. :heart:

[mkddav]

Just the act of "learning" the art of doing the doable and leaving the rest sways pink, MK. Keep up the good work, you're heading in the right direction. :heart:

:heart: :heart: :heart:

[mkddav]

I just had my dr appt for my test results after the miscarriage. All normal... sort of. My TSH was 2.86. Within the normal limits, but definitely higher than I think it should be, considering I've had every symptom in the book for years. My family Dr refuses to do a trial of even a very minimal dose of thyroid medication, so I was really hopeful the ob might agree. But he said "it's normal, end of conversation". Now that I actually know the number, I am terrified to get pregnant again without even a tiny dose. But I am out of options. No one will help me. :sad:

[atomic sagebrush]

Can you see an endocrinologist?? They are often more willing to discuss it.

[mkddav]

I'm not sure if that would be an option or not. I would need a referral and based on the reactions I've had so far I doubt a doctor would agree to give me one.
I have found supporting evidence that preconception TSH should be less than 2.5. I may go to the after hours clinic next week to discuss with a particular doctor. I do have a professional working relationship with him and I believe we value each other's opinion. I certainly do his. I will bring what I've found and see what he says. (If I don't chicken out.)
Hoping and praying he will be receptive.

[atomic sagebrush]

Please keep us posted because I think this is a very important topic that is affecting a lot of women.

[mkddav]

I will, atomic. Hoping to see another Dr. tomorrow evening.

[mkddav]

I saw the doctor and he ordered a retest of my TSH and free T4. Got the results tonight. TSH 1.87, very normal. I am happy all seems to be well.
Somewhat mixed feelings because I do wish there could have been an obvious reason for my losses with such an easy solution. But I am accepting this as good news that I can TTC again.
The only bad part is I will be ovulating in 4 days so no time to sway much.
I will lose whatever little weight I can, try rephresh 12h before having a single attempt, and have been using saw palmetto. That will have to do. Hope it all works out and I get my rainbow baby girl this cycle.

[essnce629]

What thyroid symptoms do you think you were having? After my loss I thought I was having symptoms of low thyroid as well-- freezing all the time, exhausted, napping daily, brain fog, feeling depressed, yawning constantly, shortness of breath when doing simple things around the house, etc. My mom has thyroid issues and so do two of her brothers so I saw an endocrinologist. Turns out my thyroid was completely normal (they even did a thyroid ultrasound), but my ferritin (iron stores) was extremely low and causes the same symptoms. Ferritin is not normally tested, you have to ask. It's a simple blood test. You can have normal hemoglobin and hematocrit, but low ferritin. So I was iron deficient, not anemic. My ferritin level was 8 and ideal is 70-90!!! It's been 18 months since my miscarriage and I've been on high dose prescription iron ever since (150mg three times a day) and my ferritin is still only at 46. Iron deficiency can cause poor egg quality so it may have played a role in my miscarriage. I also found out I am homozygous for the MTHFR mutation which also is known to cause repeat losses so now I take baby aspirin three times a week. You can ask to be tested for that as well since it's also a blood test. LE diet for 9 months (cutting back on red meat), extremely heavy periods, and then my miscarriage most likely contributed to my extremely low iron. I just saw a GYN doctor yesterday and she actually wants me to not have a period for the next month or two to see if I can build up my iron stores. She prescribed me norethindrone acetate which is a progesterone pill.

[essnce629]

Oh, and my best friend has two boys, swayed for a girl, had three losses in a year, gave up swaying, and then got pregnant with a girl! So it is possible and we definitely believe the losses were her biggest sway factor. Her baby girl was born on Saturday and I was her doula!

[mkddav]

Wow essnce, how are you feeling now?
I have major fatigue, hair loss, cold intolerance, poor memory and concentration, rough dry skin, low basal temp (average well below 36.5C), low mood, the list goes on. I actually began complaining of symptoms at 14 and now at 31 I still experience it.
I wonder if the Dr tested my iron stores, I must look at the requisition to see.
Years ago I was told my B12 was low normal, and since it's such a huge range that could be causing my symptoms. So I get a monthly B12 injection. I have temporarily put that on hold for swaying pink to decrease overall nutrients. (Since it takes years to deplete B12 stores it should be safe.)
The B12 never made a big difference, so I wonder if it could be an iron issue.

[mkddav]

Nope, he didn't test for ferritin, B12, folate... Nothing like that.

[essnce629]

Hair loss is also super common with low ferritin. I've read your ferritin needs to be above 50 for hair regrowth. Luckily hair loss wasn't one of my symptoms. I'm still tired all the time (I napped from 10am to 2:25pm today and almost missed picking my kids up from school) but it's a little better as in I'm not napping the entire weekend like I was before. I am no longer freezing all the time or out of breath when doing chores around the house. I am also not yawning every 5 minutes like I was before.

Oh, and make sure they test your vitamin D and magnesium levels as well. Before swaying, I took both of these daily but stopped for my sway. A year later my vitamin D was low (not deficient probably because I always had good levels before) and my magnesium was deficient. I was on high dose vitamin D for about 3 months to get my level back up (endocrinologist wanted it close to 100) and now I take it twice a week during the TWW only. The magnesium I am taking daily again and my levels have been back in the normal range every test.

[mkddav]

I will keep it in mind for sure. I always took 2000IU bit D daily, and Mg in my multivitamin. I stopped for my sway. Hopefully I will have a bfp two weeks from now and can start back on them right away.

[SweetLily]

I feel your pain. After 6 years of CPS, i got a surprise bfp--and it was a perfect little girl even tho Im 39. I then got an amnio infection at 17 weeks that went unnoticed and my water broke and she died. I felt her last breath struggle when the placenta pulled away and that was the worst thing ever. after that I had a medical tragedy of errors and 8 weeks after my loss, I am finally not in the hospital or on antibiotics. We get to try again 3 months after my blood work comes back normal, but it's not there yet.

So yes, I REALLY feel your pain. Know you aren't alone. Hugs.

[mkddav]

Oh Sweetlily, that is AWFUL. So much worse than anything I went through. Biggest hugs and prayers for you. xo

[mkddav]

We just had our attempt. If I didn't O yesterday it will be today or tomorrow. So I'm back in the tww. Feeling anxious but hopeful.

[atomic sagebrush]

good luck and pink dust!

[mkddav]

Thanks atomic! Turns out I ovulated early on cd 14, same day as our attempt. Usually it's day 16 for me. Hopefully we caught the egg and timing was ok for pink. Fingers crossed.

[maidentomother]

Yay! We are almost O buddies, I'm 5dpo. Fx for you so tight!

[mkddav]

Yay! We are almost O buddies, I'm 5dpo. Fx for you so tight!

Awesome, good luck!! I'm pretty worried our attempt was too late. But trying not to stress since done is done. Are you having any symptoms yet?

Trying hard not to test early this time. All my positives have been 9 dpo, but if I end up having a chemical I don't think I want to know about it. :(

[maidentomother]

No noteworthy symptoms, but I don't usually get any. I think it's too early. I won't be testing until the 12th, at 15dpo. Early testing is just a bad idea all around.

[Hoping4aPrincess]

mkddav, just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your losses. Also wanted to say that we conceived our 2nd DD after a missed miscarriage. She's due in July :). I waited to get my first period and we conceived that cycle. I didn't do the diet with either of my girls, so I can't comment on that. But since I did conceive my DD after a loss, hopefully that gives you hope. Good luck to you and pink dust!

[mkddav]

mkddav, just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your losses. Also wanted to say that we conceived our 2nd DD after a missed miscarriage. She's due in July :). I waited to get my first period and we conceived that cycle. I didn't do the diet with either of my girls, so I can't comment on that. But since I did conceive my DD after a loss, hopefully that gives you hope. Good luck to you and pink dust!

Thanks so much! :) Still waiting to test, 9 dpo today. But I'm not feeling very hopeful for this cycle, timing was off. So I'm trying not to get my hopes up.