What did you do when you just wanted to give it all up..?

[mydaughter]

Hello ladies, it is a depressive day today- nothing in particular happened, just nothing is happening for over a year now ( except a beautiful bfp in Sep. that made me so happy but it wasn't a healthy baby..) The last 3 month my O was late for more then a week, and now it is again late, and I am just so sick of it. I loosened the diet a lot, I try to not focus too much but the longer it takes the more anxious I get because I can't wait to just be done O ing and enjoying life for a couple of days. Having hope it could have worked- I had to skip the last cycle after all this dieting torture because my husband wasn't in town for too long ( didn't expect to O that late..)
It might be my own mistake but I try to be really strict on the diet the last week before O. So only 2 meals a day and just allowed food, no cheating at all- Now I have been super strict for almost 3 weeks and still about to give up.
I just want to have breakfast with my family, enjoy what I eat, I want to grab a piece of cake it offered at work, I want to go out to dinner with friends and I want to eat a desert with my husband if I want at 10 pm. I am so sad today. Really about to give the whole diet and swaying up- what do you do when you feel that way? I wasted tons of money already, tons of OPKS that look positive one day and negative the other, my vagina almost hurts from checking Ph and again, sometimes ewcm the other day creamy again, temps go up and down aswell and I have nooooo clue what is going on, I used to have perfect 28 day cycles- all gone. Any words of encouragement highly appreciated :broken::broken: Thank you <3

[ksmom]

I'm sorry. :( Swaying is hard for many of us especially for those who do it for so long or encounter challenges along the way. There were many times I wanted to give up since I swayed for nearly a year. I stopped ovulating last year because I got too strict and had to reduce my exercise and eat full fat dairy to bring it back. I then had three chemical pregnancies in a row and after the third, I wanted to throw in the towel. It's funny but I'd been doing LE and exercise for so long that when I thought about it, giving it up seemed unnatural to me because it had become my lifestyle. After swaying for so long and having losses, it did become disheartening because it seemed like I had no chance of any baby at all, let alone a daughter. What I learned was that you have to let yourself have cheats. It is just not possible to maintain sanity if you're strict 100% of the time. What do you mean by "allowed" foods? All foods are allowed within LE limits. Don't bother with pH. It's too stressful and has not been shown to sway. Do you have a personalized plan? I found Atomic's advice to be invaluable and she worked with me to tweak my sway over time so I could get pregnant while still swaying pink. I know swaying is hard, but if you're miserable shouldn't that be a sign that maybe something needs to change? Let yourself have dessert if you want (it's totally allowed on LE!), have dinner with the girls, eat a favorite food of yours and don't feel guilty. You have to think of it this way: if you're so strict on LE that you can't get pregnant, then you have no chance of any baby at all. All that being said, please try not to get so down. Take up a hobby or do something that makes you happy that you can turn to to get your mind off swaying. Hang in there. :bighug:

[Erin514]

I'm not in the same situation as you yet (I'm just gearing up to start diet and exercise soon so I can TTC in early fall), but I just wanted to send my support and say hang in there!

I agree with ksmom, just give up checking ph and let yourself cheat occasionally, your sway can't work if you're losing your mind to stress and your cycle is too out of whack to conceive. Have you lost a lot of weight already? Are you being too low with your total fat, protein, or calories? Maybe you should consider having three meals a day where the third is a large snack before bed. A lot of the ladies here seem to do that and since they are still skipping breakfast they have a nice long period of low blood sugar.

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes, that is a mistake to tighten up diet that week before O. It makes your body "nervous" and can delay O (even in people who are not dieting at all!!)

You need to loosen up on diet NOW. Add in 1 serv of full fat dairy a day, 4-6 eggs a week, and a serving of red meat and salmon. I also think you should have a nice cheat meal with you and your husband tonight. Whatever you want.

STOP checking pH and CM. It does nothing other than to make you anxious and obsessed about swaying.

I would lose the OPK and just start DTD every 4 days. It will help make you less focused on it.

[atomic sagebrush]

can you go over your nutrient intake and your weight/BMI??

[mydaughter]

What do you mean by go over? My BMI is 20 and I take around 1300-1800 nutrients in- no exercise but walking and taking the bike to work. I have a full fat 250g curt/Yogurt with berries every day at noon, along with a milked coffee. I avoid eggs, meat and everything salty though..Now- Thank you very much for your supportive words!!! Sometimes it so important to hear the option of someone who knows what I am talking about.. You are so right not to stress about it and to cheat every now and then, and I do- I have chocolate with every meal I eat or I had a piece of cake instead of a meal, the not snacking is the most difficult part for me and not eating olives and bread with salted oil like I used to all the time.
And when I feel O could be there soon, I just can't help but eat less- I just have the gut feeling it would improve my sway, and a late O makes it such a long time then and makes me miserable... I am usually a happy and positive woman, and I still am and my husband says I am way more relaxed then I used to be- but as soon as it gets out of the expected I get stressed, because I want my plan to work..we are doing dtd every 4 days, but I can't relax about when I actually O - but I might need to. Congratulations ksmom!!!!! So happy you have a bfp and I pray it is a sticky one for you!! and Erin thank you so much for your support! I felt so low today and I just didn't know how to continue- because obviously I am off track because my cycles are so messed up. I hope I will O sometime soon, and I hope the egg will still be healthy and really to be fertilized and be our lovely daughter ...:awe: I really thank you all so much, you helped me a lot!!!!!

[mydaughter]

Just checked, my BMI is a 21.2 so that should be okay right?

[XXforhubby]

Your BMI is fine. You might want to hold steady where you are in case it takes you longer to conceive. You don't want to lose too much and have no where to go if you have to be on the diet longer than expected.

FX and GL to you!



[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji577], & DS3[emoji602][emoji170]
[emoji166]One last pink sway 2016[emoji166]
My Ovulation Chart (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

[Dynazyme]

Hi! I was quite silent in the forums for a long time, but when I read your post I had to comment!
I totally know how you feel! A few months ago I was SOOOO sick of swaying. Last summer I had a miscarriage again (2nd one; but it was really okay for me; it just can happen and I see it from a very scientific point ...)
Then I went on swaying, however with no success. And I was soooooo frustrated. I was very strict especially with exercising (and I think this is the hardest part - to spare one hour nearly daily!), dieting was quite okay and the other stuff as well.
However I was depressed and also a bit angry!
So it was defenitely time to make a decision! I wanted to go on TTC, because I`d love to have a third child. A girl would be perfect and a little boy ..... as well!! :-) (but to be onest I´d prefere .... :bigsmile:)

When I conceived my boys I lived a very boy-friendly life. But during the time of active swaying I learnd so much and I changed my lifestyle anyway. Meanwhile I am so used to skip breakfast. It is totally normal. But when I want to have breakfast with my family I do it, and I also do it 3 days in a row if I feel like it!! When you stop eating meat you get used to it so much, that the vegetarian dishes automatically come first. However when I want to have a steak or chicken or whatsoever I just eat it! And when I want so snack or have a cake I just have it. And the bad conscience disappeared more and more! ;)
I stopped daily exercising. As I said, that definitely was the hardes part for me!!! But when I am active I try to reach > 60 minutes. I do the housework in a very acitve way or I work in our garden quite acitvely or have a long walk with the kids.
And I think of all the girl-moms that do not even suspect swaying, they all "cheat" as well, they all break their "girl-habbits" sometimes!
(Stuff like one attempt, alcohol .... is easy.)

I know this is not a perfect sway but I personally believe in it and maybe god will send me a little baby-girl soon? :fingers:

Maybe you should try to see it in a more relaxed way!?!? I wish you all the best!
And one more advice: Lean back and enjoy your kids!!! :cool:

[mydaughter]

Hey and again thank you so much! XXforhubby, I will try to stay steady- thank you for the advice, I actually try to gain during the 2ww and then loose some before O, I don't know how many calories I need to stay steady and I never know what is best as the basic food. I eat a lot of salad but also plain noodles, couscous and rice- not even sure is that is good because of the high carbs?

[mydaughter]

And Dynazyme, thank you so much! Your English looks perfect to me, I am from Germany :-) It was so good reading what you wrote, because I felt so recognized and you make me think my sway over. There are days I can handle cheats quite well, I can have a cookie in between meals and think- others do this all the time and got girls so you will not lower your chances by having this one cookie- other days I am just so strict with myself - and I can't get the anxiety out of me... I do know that I want to have another baby no mattes what gender

[mydaughter]

my son just woke up:-) I write you more tomorrow!! Thank you again so much for your words!!

[atomic sagebrush]

Go over just means tell me about what you're doing. :)

Stop trying to gain and then lose before O. That can delay ovulation. Just eat consistently and hold steady where you are in terms of weight. Do you see that if eating less before O is making you miserable, you need to stop doing that?? Especially since it is probably causing your O to be more delayed???

The egg will still be healthy, don't worry about that. We have seen people who get pregnant even after 3-6 months with no ovulation (due to PCOS) and have healthy babies.

Many of us have dropped the sodium restriction and we find it makes it much easier to stick to the diet. You would be able to have those things you've been wanting so badly and it will make you a lot happier and more satisfied.

Are you getting 40-50 g protein EVERY day and 30-60 g fat?

[mydaughter]

I am not sure to be honest, I don't count what I am taking in. So breakfast is as described always 250g curt (20% fat) and 200 g Yogurt (1,5%fat) and berries sweetened with canderel. And a coffee with skimmed milk( if I only have two meals that day I add a Toast ( or two) with marmalade or cream cheese. Then around 4 pm I have a salad with oil/vinegar dressing, some cheese, and nuts in it, and again a coffee with skimmed 1,5%milk, for dinner I usually have a regular amount of pasta/rice/couscous with some vegetables and parmesan cheese, and a glass of wine and some pieces of chocolate for desert. That's about it.

[atomic sagebrush]

The problem with not tracking is that over time you may end up cutting back too far and not getting enough. When you get too restrictive you end up having really bad cravings and being very miserable on the diet, plus delaying ovulation and not being healthy for pregnancy.

[maidentomother]

Definitely stop testing pH, CM, and using OPKs. Just BD every 4 days or every 3 at this point.

Your diet, in terms of what you actually eat, sounds fine - though I would absolutely track cals, fat and protein exactly for a few days just to check. I wouldn't add more cals or fat until you've counted a few days.

The yoyo dieting is a terrible idea and is likely why O is delayed. Do NOT eat more or less at different times in your cycle. Just hold steady all month long. Definitely stop reducing salt and instead eat as much as you like. It doesn't sway at all so you are depriving yourself for nothing.

Carbs are great for pink swayers unless you have PCOS.

I have been swaying without a hint of BFP for over 2 years now. It sucks, and i do feel quite discouraged. But I find the diet has become habit. I find it quite manageable. I don't stress about cheats and I often eat a bit extra before O due to strong cravings at that time.

[mydaughter]

Thank you again ladies for your caring advice!! Now I need your urgent help :-) My OPK is finally dark dark positiv this afternoon, I think I will O sometime tomorrow. Last bd was Sunday afternoon- should we dtd again today? Which would be every two days, my husband is not home tomorrow all day..or should I hope a 3 day cut- off will do? I increased my calories- of course I am afraid now that I messed it up with that..

[maidentomother]

I'd attempt tonight. You've been trying a while. But some sperm from Sunday should definitely still be around, just not that many.

[atomic sagebrush]

Agreed. You've been trying long enough, and I feel like when you're in this level of despair it's time to pull the trigger and get pregnant. :)

If a few days of eating slightly more calories could possibly sway, we'd only diet for a few days.

[mydaughter]

Atomic, what a beautiful Avatar!!
Here goes my update, my personal nightmare of the past 12 days.
Last time I wrote was a tuesday, bright positive OPK and you all said to dtd - we didn't because my husband was home too late, but we met wednesday night at 8pm on a wedding and I assumend I O'd allready and I enjoyed the meals, cake, gin tonic etc. I still had some EWCM but somehow I didn't recognize..alcohol? Then we came home in the morning at 5 am after tons of late night cake, fries and soup and I again don't know why but while we chatted about the wedding I had a whole bag of salted nuts/peanuts( I think more calories then I usually eat all day.... Then we had unprotected sex but my Dh pulled out, we slept 3 hours and we Dtd again - I had like 3 orgasms and he didn't pull out. I jumped up immediately and my brain began to recover and I did a OPK and it was still bright bright positive ( 48 hours at that time) and I was in shock since then- I couldn't believe how stupid I was after more then a year of swaying. I cried my eyes out, I just didn't want to be pregnant but I knew I was, because we hit O on the minute. I don't know what to learn from that- still trying to figure out, today I am 12 dpo and bfn and I couldn't be more relieved- hope af arrives in time in two days and it will all turn out being a lessen for life.. just wanted to share! I feel so crazy, my sister is n labor right now and I will be an aunt in a few hours :heart::heart::heart:

[atomic sagebrush]

Thank you!!

I'm so sorry you went through all that. There is every chance in the world you could have gotten a girl from that. But, it is what it is, and if you are relieved it is BFN then I'm relieved for you.

DTD at O is actually very much inferior odds of conception.

Huge congrats on becoming an auntie! I hope all went well!!