Swayed girl, now expecting twins and FREAKING OUT

[familymatters]

I have 3 healthy, beautiful children already, aged 5 and under. Had to do some serious negotiating with hubby to get him on board for a fourth. Now I've gone for a dating scan, only to discover that we are pregnant with twins. Holy crap.

I'm dying, I know I should be grateful but I'm incredibly scared and I just don't want to be pregnant anymore. How am I going to cope with 5 under 6?

And stupidly, one of my biggest fears is that they'll both be boys! I feel like they definitely will be. It is the universes way of teaching me a lesson because I couldn't be content with what I already had. So OK, you want a girl? We'll give you twin boys instead. The sonographer suspected that they may be ID twins as although they both had their own separate sac, I only ovulated from the one ovary.

I can't even do the Harmony test now to discover the gender early, I'll have to wait until 16 weeks. It's going to kill me. Hubby is moping around just muttering about how were not going to cope. I'm in a pretty bad place at the moment, sorry just needed to have a vent :(

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[carmella_marie]

Hugs!
Im sorry I don't have much advice for you, but with 2 babies you might have a better chance at a girl--unless they're identicial. They can't tell yet if they are identical or fraternal?
Isn't there a blood test than can do twins? When I was researching it I was pretty sure there was, maybe someone will chime in if they know... MaterniT21? Panorama? If they are identical then you'd think they could do the blood test as they have the same chromosomes, KWIM?

[carmella_marie]

were you on clomid or do twins run in your family?

[familymatters]

I'll have to have another look at the blood tests, but I'm pretty sure they can only tell you if there is a Y chromosome present, but not which twin that comes from exactly. No I wasn't on Clomid (although I did consider taking it. Thank god I didn't, I might have ended up with 10 babies!) and no history of twins in the family at all. Makes me think it's even more likely to be ID as having ID twins is just a freak occurance rather than a genetic thing.

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[BunnyGirl19]

I swayed girl this time and got B/G twins, plus a triplet I lost early on. One of the tests will do for twins, but I don't recall which one. I had it done and it said "no XY detected" but one twin is still a boy. Also, unless they both share a sac and/or placenta, there is no way to know if they are identical or fraternal without zygosity testing done. Around 20% of identical twins are di/di and often get falsely labeled as fraternal.

[ksmom]

First off, congratulations!!! Second, take a deep breath. :) It must be shocking to find out you're having twins but I'm sure that in time you'll adjust to the idea. It may take some time after the babies are born to adjust to a new life with several little ones but like all big life changes, it just takes time. I think before you know it, you'll find your groove. :) As for gender, you have a great shot at having a girl! I remember reading somewhere that identical twins are usually girls. Good luck and FX at least one baby is a girl!

[essnce629]

What was your sway? There's been a lot of twins conceived after swaying girl and most (maybe all?) have been at least one girl. Hopefully Atomic will chime in. I think you have a really good chance at getting at least one girl! Congrats!!! How did your DH take the news?

[Babygirlquest]

Oh my goodness! What a shock! But I agree with the other ladies that you've got a great shot for at least one pinkie in there especially after a great girl sway. Try not to panic and just let the news sink in for now! DH will come round too :-)

[Erin514]

Holy crap. I won't lie, I would be freaking out too in your shoes. But look at it this way: you already know what it's like to be overrun with young children, at least you're seasoned vets going in. It will probably be insanely hard for a couple of years, and then one day you'll wake up to realize that all five can go to the bathroom without your help and put their own shoes on. After that, you're golden.

Congrats and fx for a girl in there.

[familymatters]

What was your sway? There's been a lot of twins conceived after swaying girl and most (maybe all?) have been at least one girl. Hopefully Atomic will chime in. I think you have a really good chance at getting at least one girl! Congrats!!! How did your DH take the news?
I didn't post my sway this time because last time I posted it too quickly and it ended up being a chem pregnancy. I had a fairly good sway - LE diet for 12 weeks, mostly vegetarian, coffee and alcohol daily, one attempt 2-3 days before O, no exercise though. I would have felt pretty good about my sway if it wasn't for the psychic who told me that I would be having a boy. He also mentioned this being a twin pregnancy, but didn't know if boy was for both babies or just one. I know it's silly but I just feel like there is no chance that they are girls. Both babies are measuring exactly the same sizes so it makes me feel like they are going to be identical. My husband is not happy, he didn't really want 4, let alone 5.

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[BunnyGirl19]

How far along are you? My twins measured identically until 12 weeks and now the girl is consistently 4 days behind dates and the boy has ranged from right on to 2 days ahead.

I had dreamed I was having triplets before finding out how many thus pregnancy. I dreamed two girls and a boy. Only two of the three babies continued to develop after 6 weeks though. I was pretty confident one baby was a girl but went back and forth on what the other would be.

[familymatters]

I'm 7 weeks exactly according to the scan. Although that means I must have got my bfp at 4dpo haha! Did you ovulate from both ovaries? That's interesting they measured the same up til 12 weeks.

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[BunnyGirl19]

They never said one way or the other about where I ovulated from. I'm sure it's in a report somewhere if I ask though.

[Mamato3?]

First of all congratulations!!! If you trully believe in the universe then it's best to take a deep breath, relax and celebrate this little miracle!!! Stressing over this can not have any benefit. I'm sure if everything progresses smoothly and you'll give birth to twins, you will find ways to cope, as long as you deal with it with positivity and trust in yourself. As far as gender, if it helps you, what made me feel better when we found out we are expecting our third girl was the thought that this baby chose our family for some reason that it's not revealed to us right now, but I'm sure will in the following years. So we took some time to let it sink and now we are over all negative feelings and thoughts. I'm sending you an abundance of pink dust and my best wishes for you and your family.

[sharon]

Wow familymatters what a shock for you, im hoping for you they are both girls x:princess:

[maidentomother]

You can get the Panorama test with twins, from 9 weeks on. I really hope you have a girl or 2 in there! Fx both you and DH feel happier about this once the shock wears off.

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh FM - I completely understand. That would be such a shock and I would be terrified too in your shoes.

If it's any consolation we've only had one set of BB twins with pink sways. It is of course possible. That they have two sacs makes me wonder if the tech may have missed a second CL, this is possible. It's possible (and good) for ID twins to have two sacs, too, of course.

[atomic sagebrush]

What I hate about situations like this is that right when I really need my husband to be there for me, not only is he not, but he suddenly becomes the biggest problem I have. I can only imagine what you're going through right now with everything happening.

Twin pregnancies are actually most likely girls because BB twins (especially ID) are the rarest ones.

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm 7 weeks exactly according to the scan. Although that means I must have got my bfp at 4dpo haha! Did you ovulate from both ovaries? That's interesting they measured the same up til 12 weeks.

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You would have ovulated within 12-24 hours tops so it's normal that they'd measure the same. It has NOTHING to do with gender. My daughter and my first son were nearly identical in size and they were my two biggest babies. Girls are not necessarily smaller and certainly not at this stage of pregnancy.

You don't necessarily ovulate from both ovaries even with twins. your ovaries develop eggs in both ovaries and can release more than one from either ovaries, so it's possible to get two from the same ovary.

[BunnyGirl19]

What I hate about situations like this is that right when I really need my husband to be there for me, not only is he not, but he suddenly becomes the biggest problem I have. I can only imagine what you're going through right now with everything happening.

Twin pregnancies are actually most likely girls because BB twins (especially ID) are the rarest ones.

I was told by my doctor that of all twins the odds were 50% B/G, 30% G/G, and 20% B/B. I don't know where his info comes from as I can't find actual statistics, just hypothetical probability statistics. I've also read that 70% of identical twin sets are girls.

[atomic sagebrush]

ITA and it's really frustrating because we put so much emphasis on these stats (and so do the docs) only to find out it's based on a study done in 17 alcoholic pre-pubescent mole rats or something.

So yeah, take with a grain of "all studies suck" salt but yes that's what I have read too - B/G, then G/G, then B/B bringing up the rear, and that ID BB twins are pretty rare and special. :)

[familymatters]

What I hate about situations like this is that right when I really need my husband to be there for me, not only is he not, but he suddenly becomes the biggest problem I have. I can only imagine what you're going through right now with everything happening.

Twin pregnancies are actually most likely girls because BB twins (especially ID) are the rarest ones.
This made me lol because you've hit the nail on the head - my husband has become my biggest problem right when I need him the most. He is a stroppy, moping, huffing idiot at the moment and I literally want to slap his face. HELLO this isn't my fault! Stop acting as if it is.

I really appreciate all the words of support and even the stats, b/g or g/g twins would be lovely. And I know I'll get my head around b/b twins if that's what happens....

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[snoop]

I had a really lazy girl sway - in fact barely did anything and ended up with identical boys.

I was angry and disappointed and scared about how we would cope. My husband was actually the more upbeat one! But we did cope and they are beautiful of course. I knew deep down they were boys (confirmed by cvs at around 11 weeks) and found it difficult to enjoy the pregnancy. I felt quite disconnected and very negative about the risks of identical twins. I'm not even sure when I started to appreciate that they were coming! I did get a bit of counselling but no one really specialising in gender disappointment so just sort of worked through it on my own. Now I want to go back for a fourth [emoji51] but it would definitely be high tech


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[Dreamsister]

Congrats with your pregnancy. What a party you will be having with 5 in a row. Your kids will be having so much benefit from having so many siblings. That is great although you are freaking out right now. Sending you lots of good thoughts.


DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016

[Faithinpink]

Oh family congratulations!!! Oh my TWINS , I know u must be freaking out I would too and I'm sure everyone who has found out that they were carrying twins FREAKED.. But in all honesty I believe its a true blessing . Take care of you and all the best.
Hugs hoping for u 1 is PINK X

[atomic sagebrush]

This made me lol because you've hit the nail on the head - my husband has become my biggest problem right when I need him the most. He is a stroppy, moping, huffing idiot at the moment and I literally want to slap his face. HELLO this isn't my fault! Stop acting as if it is.

I really appreciate all the words of support and even the stats, b/g or g/g twins would be lovely. And I know I'll get my head around b/b twins if that's what happens....

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Dr. Phil used to say this thing, "A husband is supposed to be the wife's soft place to fall" or something like that and I'm like WAAAAHHHH! Where is my soft place to fall? That is what you need right now. ((((hugs))))

[Wantanother2017]

So sorry you are feeling overwhelmed and under supported by your husband.
My mother thought she was done having children (she had 3) when she found out she was pregnant, with identical twin girls. She was in an abusive marriage at the time and was terrified to tell our father.
My sister and I ended up being the true delight of her life. We are all very close siblings and I look at other small families and think how blessed I am to have such a fun, big family. My mom is spoiled with attention and has so many grandchildren and people who love her.
It may seem like a lot right now, but I'm confident it will be a huge blessing sooner or later in life. Good luck, looking forward to the updates!


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[skippy]

I think it will be so special to have twins. There will be hard times but it will be so worth it :-) I have always wanted twins!

[atomic sagebrush]

Thinking of you FM!!!

[familymatters]

Thanks Atomic. And everyone else for your words of encouragement. At the moment I'm not thinking about much except trying to survive this hideous morning sickness. Once I get through that then I'll resume stressing about having twins lol

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[Faithinpink]

Hang in there family X try some ginger tea. Also maxalon helpt me get through morning sickness with ds4, go see your GP .
Take care

[familymatters]

Oh gosh fathinpink this is far beyond ginger tea unfortunately. I'm on a combo of zofran and steroids to try and keep me out of hospital as I vomit constantly otherwise.

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[Faithinpink]

U got it bad poor u. Did u have it with any of your other children

[familymatters]

I had it pretty bad with the other three but I was always able to function somewhat haha. Not this time though!

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[atomic sagebrush]

Oh yeah I've heard that is the worst with twins!!! :pray: and PT that it eases up soon!!!

[Faithinpink]

Yeah family hope u feel better soon x

[sharon]

Sorry to hear you have terrible sickness , when will u find out the genders ??

[familymatters]

I'm so distraught to be writing this, but we found out yesterday morning that both babies have passed away. I awoke on Saturday morning and for the first time in weeks I felt really well, my morning sickness had practically disappeared. By Monday morning I started to have some spotting. I just knew something was wrong. In my mind I was hopeful that if something had gone wrong, that at least one of the babies was still ok. But a scan yesterday confirmed that neither baby had a heartbeat. Twin 1 was measuring 8w3d, Twin 2 8w1d. I was supposed to be 9w2d. So I guess something happened last week. I'm in complete shock, I don't know how to feel. On the one hand I have spent the last few weeks wishing I wasn't pregnant with twins, but now it's been taken away from me I'm utterly shattered. Now I'm in so much pain, and I'm frightened - I've never had a miscarriage and I'm scared. It's an added stress on top of my grief and I just wish it would happen quickly. My husband is supportive but he doesn't get it. He feels like it just "wasn't meant to be". I don't find that comforting whatsoever.

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[purple]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care xx

[jen75]

oh lovely I am so sorry for your loss. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[ksmom]

Oh gosh, I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. :( Take care of yourself mama. Huge hugs!

[XXforhubby]

Oh no FM! My heart goes out to you [emoji20]! This is so incredibly unfair. I want you to know that while you had been in fear of having your twins, you did nothing to cause or to deserve this. Please take care of yourself right now. I am keeping you in my prayers, and I am sending you lots of strength and healing your way.

Huge hugs!



[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji577], & DS3[emoji602][emoji170]
[emoji166]One last pink sway 2016[emoji166]
My Ovulation Chart (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

[Erin514]

I am so sorry for your loss. You must be going through a lot of emotions right now and it's really too bad that your husband can't provide the understanding you need. Is there someone else in your life who could give you some emotional support? I'll keep you in my thoughts. :-(

[atomic sagebrush]

I am so sorry to read this - please let us know how we can help. :sadflwr:

[Dreamsister]

I am so so very sorry to read this. What a emotional rollercoaster. Please take care of yourself and give yourself time to cry and grieve. Time will heal.


DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016

[Babygirlquest]

.

[Kittybear]

I am SO sorry for your loss :( xxx

[BunnyGirl19]

I'm so sorry to read this.

[sharon]

oh no im sorry to read this x

[foxymrsg]

Oh no I am so so sorry for your loss

[bre_cooper11]

I am also so sorry to read this! I agree with xx, YOU did NOTHING to cause this.

[Faithinpink]

Iam really sorry FM. Take care sending you huge hugs xoooo

[Wantanother2017]

I'm sorry to read this. I can only imagine how devastating this is for you. Miscarriage alone and the grief associated can be so isolating and heavy, much less when loved ones fail to meet our expectations in response.
Sometimes when things are taken away it really gives us the opportunity to reflect on what we truly want. Its cruel sometimes. I'm so sorry that you are enduring this. Please know you aren't alone. [emoji1374][emoji175]


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[familymatters]

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I am feeling very lost at the moment. We hadn't told any friends yet so I feel like I need to turn to my best friend but it will be strange having to explain to her what has happened when she didn't even know I was expecting. It's such a weird and lonely feeling knowing that what you were imagining as your future is now no longer going to happen.

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[Faithinpink]

You always can turn to US all here on GD.. Family my heart goes out to you, keeping you in my prays and thoughts xo

[atomic sagebrush]

Thinking of you...

[Traci25]

I'm soo sorry. You must feel lost. Praying for you and your family. Here for you

[familymatters]

I'm feeling really low tonight. DH has just told me that he doesn't think he wants to try again for another baby and that we should just be happy with the 3 we have... He only agreed to this one reluctantly and he admitted he wasn't that thrilled when I got my BFP (he didn't tell me that at the time). I feel so hurt, I'm not even in the right frame of mind to be thinking about trying again but the fact that he's just slammed that door shut on me has really taken me by surprise. I'm so freaking mad at him right now I don't even want to be near him. How dare he drop that bomb on me, I'm barely holding it together as it is. He's entitled to his feelings but jeez talk about bad timing.

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[Babygirlquest]

.

[atomic sagebrush]

OMG I'm so sorry FM!! I would be FURIOUS!!!! You don't need this right now. :(

[Wantanother2017]

So sorry your husband has shared such heavy news at such an inopportune time. It's hard to remember that husbands are also hurting and emotionally labile at times like this. I agree that taking a short break from future planning is wise and giving you both time to heal. Maybe in a short time you will both be on the same page and stronger together.
[emoji1374] for you. Try to be patient but set boundaries with him as well. It's not fair to be taking things off the table without considering your feeling and desires, much less at this very vunerable time. Hopefully he realizes that soon.


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[Traci25]

It seems a lot of men really don't understand what we go through, they think of themselves first. So sorry

[signingmommyfor3]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. In Jan I lost twins and was in the same boat since DH had reluctantly agreed to let me have a 4th and I ended up BFP with twins. Right after the D&C for mmc two days later I got infection and ended up in the hospital. DH freaked and told me he didn't want to try again and that if we did we would prob end up divorced. Few weeks later he started trying again with me. It's a tough time just give yourself and him some time to grieve.

[snoop]

I'm so sorry for your loss. In my experience men just process things so differently to us, you should seek comfort in your friends.
I know it's hard but try to focus on emotionally healing from the miscarriage and forget about whether or not you will try again. That's a conversation for another day not when you are dealing with this


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[familymatters]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. In Jan I lost twins and was in the same boat since DH had reluctantly agreed to let me have a 4th and I ended up BFP with twins. Right after the D&C for mmc two days later I got infection and ended up in the hospital. DH freaked and told me he didn't want to try again and that if we did we would prob end up divorced. Few weeks later he started trying again with me. It's a tough time just give yourself and him some time to grieve.
I'm so sorry this happened to you as well. How far along were you? I spoke to hubby last night and he said that he is really worried we will have twins again if we TTC naturally. He definitely doesn't want 5 children (and neither do I really), except I'm not worried about twins again as I'd think the chances were fairly low. I'm happy to go HT to ensure no twins and also ensure we get a girl, but he is very reluctant because of the cost and effort it will take. So I'm not sure where I stand anymore. I feel like going on the LE diet again and just getting my ducks in a row because I want to act quickly if he changes his mind. I'm nowhere near ready to TTC again anyway, emotionally I'm still all over the shop and I've been off the LE diet for at least 8 or so weeks so I'm not in a rush for him to make up his mind. I actually think he will agree to TTC again, I think I just need to give him a break from talking/thinking about it.

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[Dreamsister]

I am so sorry you are struggling with DH. I am sure he will chance his mind. Just give him time and try not to become enemies but relax, listen to him and show him love. Sometimes when we are tired, sad or upset we say things we don't mean. I am sure he will change his mind and follow your baby-dream if you give him some time to think it over.


DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016

[signingmommyfor3]

I'm so sorry this happened to you as well. How far along were you? I spoke to hubby last night and he said that he is really worried we will have twins again if we TTC naturally. He definitely doesn't want 5 children (and neither do I really), except I'm not worried about twins again as I'd think the chances were fairly low. I'm happy to go HT to ensure no twins and also ensure we get a girl, but he is very reluctant because of the cost and effort it will take. So I'm not sure where I stand anymore. I feel like going on the LE diet again and just getting my ducks in a row because I want to act quickly if he changes his mind. I'm nowhere near ready to TTC again anyway, emotionally I'm still all over the shop and I've been off the LE diet for at least 8 or so weeks so I'm not in a rush for him to make up his mind. I actually think he will agree to TTC again, I think I just need to give him a break from talking/thinking about it.


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I was almost 10 weeks when had the D&C but babies never even got a heartbeat

[The Anchor]

Oh no fm I am so sorry. How heartbreaking. I hope your DH comes around...

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm sorry - I don't have any other advice other than give it time. :(

[XXforhubby]

My heart goes out to you. I think you have a great plan in place by starting the diet when you're ready and giving your DH the space he needs. We women process things much differently than men and giving him the space he needs will allow him to think about how he feels about all that happened. I agree- I think in time he will come around to trying again.

FX and [emoji1317] so hard for you.



[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji577], & DS3[emoji602][emoji170]
[emoji166]One last pink sway 2016[emoji166]
My Ovulation Chart (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)