Second loss due to commence at some point. :(

[1moregirl]

Well....it looks like it wasn't Goldie the Golden egg that I caught just recently anyway. I went to my GP today and got my beta level from yesterday's blood test and it was only 64. I was 19DPO yesterday and my first draw at 13DPO was 50. The GP said it wasn't a good sign and she expected my level to be around 500 by now so I have lost hope. That accompanied with my fainter HPTs each day. It really looks like time (I'm 44) and good quality eggs are really out for me. I've been soooo upset and sad today. Regardless of how detached and unexcited I had been about this latest positive pregnancy test, I somehow must've been subconsciously excited. I'm wishing my beta number was lower than 50 right now so we could just get the bleeding and period thing started and over and done with. I just don't want to have this prolonged and end up withhen nightmare that I had last year with haemorrhaging. I'm only about 4weeks4days - anyone know when the bleeding will start. Do your beta levels have to go back to zero before the bleeding starts? This sucks soooo much and was my last chance for a Summer baby.

[Dreamsister]

Oh no, that sucks. I am so sorry that it did not work out. Hopefully you are lucky next time. This swaying game is certainly a risky business.


DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016

[Pinkbutterfly16]

I am so sorry 1moregirl. The pain from my recent miscarriage is still raw so I know exactly how you feel. Hugs xx


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[Faithinpink]

Iam really sorry 1moregirl.
Sending huge hugs xo

[purple]

Sorry again for your loss :(

I think the "detached and unexcited" feelings you had were probably an attempt to protect yourself from getting excited incase this happened. Unfortunately it doesn't really work and you still end up being devastated.

I posted in your other thread about my experience after my hemorrhage miscarriage. I would think you should be ok being quite early still.

[sharon]

im so sorry , no my bleeding started during my mc when my beta was at 600 odds! So your bleeding should start anytime :( im sorry

[bigbump]

So sorry 1moregirl.


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[atomic sagebrush]

I'm sorry, yes I agree not lookning good.

It's very unlikely that you'll have the same thing happen again. You're much earlier on and you aren't on all the blood thinners you were before.

No one can predict when bleeding will start, unfortunately it seems different for everyone and there is no strong correlation between betas and bleeding. Some people are done bleeding but betas still up, others don't start till at zero.

Thinking of you. :heart:

[familymatters]

So sorry to read this 1moregirl :( I hope it's over for you quickly.

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[1moregirl]

Thankyou for your support and comforting words ladies. No bleeding as yet so still waiting....I had my appointment with Ob/gyn/FS today and he was lovely. He told me to disregard any HPTs and just go by beta levels. He said also that tomorrow's beta blood draw will be the determining one. If it was in the 200s we might have a chance, but if it's less than that, or clearly the same or lower than 64, then obviously it's game over. My progesterone and all other levels looked great he said and scan showed good thickening. But...I am prepared for the worst and I know there's no hope. Even as I type this message I can feel period type pains in my lower back and tummy - they just keep coming and going. I didn't have this with my successful pregnancies. Even the one last year where I miscarried. I just got AF cramps around the time AF was due, but obviously no bleeding arrived, and then they went away. I never had any more of those type cramps til later on with BH pains and labour pains....so I knew something was wrong this time when I am well past when AF was due and still getting these cramps on and off. It was tough sitting in the waiting room this morning though....one older Mum with a little newborn in a capsule and another older Mum sporting a big baby belly. I almost felt like asking them how they managed to get there, but of course I didn't. Anyway, I have not shed any tears today. I have had this strange inner sense of peace and acceptance today...I'm still undecided though as to whether or not I will try again. I don't want to experience quite a few more losses and eventually having to accept one last live healthy baby is not on the cards for me. How do you know when enough is enough? I know even my own mother thought I was stupid for even considering trying again after my miscarriage last year because of my 'age'. I don't know.....but I'm off to bed. Hopefully I don't wake up in the morning again remembering I'm pregnant, but then, oops...that's right, I'm not any more...and then that awful dread feeling and butterflies in the tummy.

[The Anchor]

Oh no, I'm sorry 1more.

[atomic sagebrush]

I"m sorry...I wish I had the answers.

[Girlieplease]

So sorry to read this onemoregirl, I have often wondered when enough will be enough? How to let go? I think people may come or reach this point at different times, I had three pregnancies and three babies ( dd and 2 ds) without swaying, never knew it was a possibility, when I knew about it I simply had to try, I felt that would be easier to come to terms with than never trying, even if I get a boy. If am lucky enough to fall pregnant it will be our last as we do not have space or resources for more children and for me irrespective of gender that will be it. If we struggle to conceive or have losses, I am not sure, but imagine the heart break of that would cause me to say enough is enough and am going to count my blessings and enjoy my beautiful babies. Good luck with your journey, whichever path you choose! X

[ksmom]

I am so sorry. :( It's so hard to decide whether or not to continue trying after a loss. It's such a huge leap of faith to say okay let's give it another shot. Listen to what your heart says. *hugs*

[1moregirl]

Thanks all. I can't believe how at peace I am with it today once again. I guess my prayers for strength are working. I am a member on a Facebook page for ladies in their 40s trying to conceive (it's super interesting) and there is one lady I have befriended who is 45 and had a little boy a few months ago. She told me she had 3 losses prior to getting pregnant with her son. To get pregnant with him she started taking 400mg of ubiquinol....this is something I could consider if I decide to try again. I am very stubborn and I hate admitting defeat so who knows....? Will see how this miscarriage pans out first. On top of waiting for bleeding to start I've been up and down all night long with our two littlest children vomiting. Poor little possums. Anyway, Thankyou for sharing your stories and kind supportive words. I had been hoping to see Pbn3 around also as I know she has recently gone through a loss as well.

[purple]

Give yourself some time to make a decision. When I lost my last one I was positive we wouldn't try again but here I am trying again. I think maybe I'm a little suborn like you and don't want to give up just yet.

Apparently 2 miscarriages in a row is quite common but 3 in a row is much less likely. This is why they often won't do any genetic testing on the fetus unless you have 3 in a row. This is something that is helping me remain hopeful that if I do manage to get another BFP that it will stick this time.

[1moregirl]

Give yourself some time to make a decision. When I lost my last one I was positive we wouldn't try again but here I am trying again. I think maybe I'm a little suborn like you and don't want to give up just yet.

Apparently 2 miscarriages in a row is quite common but 3 in a row is much less likely. This is why they often won't do any genetic testing on the fetus unless you have 3 in a row. This is something that is helping me remain hopeful that if I do manage to get another BFP that it will stick this time.

Thanks Purple. That's reassuring to know. Is it for all women in general or just for us in our 40s? (Referring to the 2 in a row miscarriages being common and three in a row not so common). Sometimes I get this nagging voice in my head saying there is something else going on, but I should just accept it is all down to the aged egg factor. I really must've fluked it last year getting pregnant first try and then this year so far 5 cycles of trying to get pregnant and taking ubiquinol (and prenatal sometimes) and extra folic acid. Maybe that ovarian AMH level is no indicator at all as to the state/quality of our eggs. I thought my reading of 6.5 wasn't too bad compared to other ladies getting pregnant with 0 levels of AMH. Maybe I just have mostly dodgy eggs left now? Anyway, I am just praying for this to be over and done with VERY soon. I have had some stronger AF pains this afternoon but still no bleeding. I couldn't find RL tea in a supermarket I was in so will have to buy it elsewhere tomorrow. If my beta is way low I will def just start drinking that tea then. Another (and the only) health factor I can think of that I have is a blastocystis hominis parasite infection in my bowel. Yet I was first diagnosed with this back in 2010, prior to conceiving and giving birth to my last baby...so surely it can't play a factor. So from that I suffer with IBS type symptoms, mainly chronic diarrhoea. I have tried last year and the start of this year different antibiotics to get rid of it, but they haven't worked and a couple of the antibiotics made me extremely sick. I have no idea how I got this infection because I am bordering on obsessive compulsive with hygiene and hand washing. Yet a few years prior to 2006 I had a trip to Bali and got quite sick over there with some sort of tummy bug...so perhaps that is when I got it. Different doctors and a gastroenterologist have told me this would no be the cause for any miscarriages so I have to trust in that right? I am also scared stiff of another D & C because I had trouble breathing when I came out of the anaesthetic last time and I don't know why. Anyway, yet I am stubborn Purple too,so will probably try again. Yet I am sure I need to be less sedentary and more active and I need to eat better.

[Katt2275]

I'm so sorry to hear about this 1moregirl. I hope the miscarriage moves along quickly for you. Wishing you peace with whatever decision you make.

[1moregirl]

Thanks Katt. Still waiting for the bleeding to commence. I have been felt like period was coming all morning so far with period type pains but nothing yet. Am off to the doctor shortly to get last hcg reading. I'm hoping it will be well below my last one of 64 so that things can just get started and be gone. I've accepted that this one is not working and I'm ok with it. Who knows...I might just be bloody stupid enough to try again yet...;)

[Dreamsister]

So sorry 1onemore. I am in the same situtation as you now. Got pregnant, but it did not grow as it should. I am now waiting for a MC. My HCG-level don't go up as the doctor wants. It is 3640 so I guess I will take up to 14 days for AF to arrive. It should be under 10 before you bleed I think. I am very sad but as you I tell my self that I can try again. This gives me comfort and hope. I am 41 so also struggling with egg quality. I am thinking of you and praying that your bleed will arrive soon so you can get it over with and move on.

[1moregirl]

So....my GP told me this morning that my last beta level taken yesterday was 16, so I was relieved with that as I was number was going to go up a bit more slowly and take its time coming back down again. So now I guess I am just waiting around for the bleeding to start. I have some stronger AF cramps today on and off so have been wearing a pad just in case. I noticed earlier on the pad there was quite a bit of a discharge that was a real pale French mustard colour (sorry for tmi ladies but I haven't experienced this sort of loss before so I don't know what to expect and I am scared after my 10 week loss last year). Does anyone know if this discharge colour is normal prior to bleeding commencing? I also bought some raspberry leaf tea bags today but I'm too scared to drink it. What a big sook I am! I really don't know if I have the strength to try again. I'm feeling quite beaten and quite drained, so maybe it really is the time for me to forget about babies and move on from it. I do have quite bad varicose veins, particularly in one of me legs, that I am going to get fixed one of these days as they can be very painful some days and in Summer I am extremely self-conscious of them and how dreadful they look. I also need to start working and earning money again so we can take our children on some nice holidays and get them involved in sports/actives outside of school. I don't know.....part of me is just feeling like I should just give up and quit while I'm ahead. :(

[purple]

It sounds like it won't be far off now 1more. Did you tell your DH what is happening?

Only you and you DH can decide what to do next but don't think about it yet. Just let yourself get through this and give yourself time to grieve and also for your hormones /emotions to adjust. Take care xx.

[atomic sagebrush]

The yellow is called "serous fluid" and it's a component of blood that often starts to flow before you actually start bleeding.

Huge hugs and strength on making what is never an easy decision.

[familymatters]

Relieved that this is happening quickly for you, sad that it's happening at all. Sorry again 1moregirl.

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[1moregirl]

Thanks ladies. So far so good. I'm doing well. Bleeding is not heavy at all and I haven't had to take any pain relief. Just feels like a normal period, only its a week later than usual. If only all miscarriages were like this (touch wood...). ;) I haven't bothered telling DH as he would prob insist on running out to get the snip. :( bloody men....they get it sooo easy it's highly irritating. Grrrr........