Am I crazy for wanting to have another child?

[Katt2275]

Let me start by saying that I know that only I can make this decision for myself. I'm just looking for some feedback from those of you who have experienced the same doubts, fears, etc.

I'm approaching my fertile period for July, and I've noticed as each months window approaches, my anxiety goes up regarding the risks involved with having another baby. I had a life threatening complication at the end of my last pregnancy. It was HELLP syndrome - a very severe cousin of preeclampsia. I also have an autoimmune disease. (MS) These things are part of the reason why DH and I put off even thinking about another child for so long. That, and my DH lost 2 jobs over the years. My only child (DS) will be 10 in July. As I approached 40, I started feeling like my family wasn't complete, and I know with my age, it's kind of a now or never thing at this point.

I've thoroughly researched pregnancy and MS, and the risk of HELLP syndrome occurring again. MS tends to improve during pregnancy. (Because of hormones the immune system is lowered during pregnancy) The risk of HELLP syndrome is there, but I would be very closely monitored next time.

I know for some people it may sound crazy for me to even be considering it with these obstacles, but I don't want to give up my dream out of fear. Have any of you faced something like this, where it's a major leap of faith to get pregnant again?

Thanks for listening. [emoji4]

[1moregirl]

Oh Katt....I feel for you, and I can totally relate to your fears and anxiety, even though I don't have an autoimmune disease. I can also totally understand your desire to give your DS a sibling. When I read your message, I feel like you are answering your question and know the answer already Hun. You've researched it, you know that you will be highly monitored and you want this. And 40 is still a great age for having a healthy baby in my opinion. I had my last healthy baby boy 2 months off turning 41 and had no complications at all. It seems only since I've turned 43 that things have declined and I seem to be popping out old dodgy eggs here there and every where. Lol! I don't think you are crazy...I totally understand and I think you should go for it. Even though you have anxieties about it, you are far better off giving it a go rather than not trying and regretting it later on. Good luck my dear and everyone here will be here to support you every step of the way. :) xxoo

[Katt2275]

Thank you 1moregirl for your sweet reply. I'm actually 41 and 1/2, so I have no idea how my eggs are doing since 11 years ago when my son was conceived. We haven't attempted at all since then. I already feel a lot of regret for waiting this long after my DS was born. He's been an only child now for 10 years. I feel like I've cheated him out of a sibling already.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time conceiving this time. I was so sorry to read about your recent miscarriage. Best of luck to you, and thanks again for your feedback. [emoji4]

[DesiG]

I say go for it! It's better to have done something then not to not have and live with regret. Babies are such a blessing and bring so much joy to lifes! Good luck to you! You only live once and I'm sure your son would love having someone especially as he grows older.

[fknonl1ne]

During a really difficult 2nd pregnancy, a wise coworker told me something that has forever stuck with me.
Paraphrased: "I don't know any 80 year old who regrets having too many kids, however how many she had. However, I know many in their 50's even who already regret not having more or not having any. "
Children are a blessing. I have truly come to a place of the more you are blessed with that you can afford; the merrier. Any hardship is short-termed.
Plus frankly, I see so many ill-mannered kids around, I want to have more, train them in a godly way and over-balance the ungodliness :-) That's a joke, I'm not intending to go pig to over-balance ISIS all by myself.

[Babygirlquest]

.

[atomic sagebrush]

It's not crazy, people can and do have babies even with very life threatening situations like pulmonary hypertension and heart problems and all kinds of things. HELLP is a very big deal, but forewarned is forearmed and if your doctor is on board with you then you guys can have a plan in place if it arises again.

I put off having more kids for 13 years in part because of this mystery heart problem that no doctors could figure out (or even seem to give a --- about) and no health insurance, and I was VERY nervous getting pregnant again at 36. Then at 39, I had a higher risk pregnancy that was also very scary and I had some weird side effect where I would nearly pass out for 8 months after I had the baby and again no one could tell me why. It really took a very big leap of faith to come back one last time at 41/42, I was sure something would happen to me or to the baby the whole time or that I would not be able to recover my health afterwards, but that was actually my easiest pregnancy and birth and here we are 4 years later and I seem to be right back to normal again. So I do completely get what you're saying, even without a known health problem it's very very nervewracking.

Wishing you the very best of luck and peace of mind in making what is a very difficult decision.

[atomic sagebrush]

Thank you 1moregirl for your sweet reply. I'm actually 41 and 1/2, so I have no idea how my eggs are doing since 11 years ago when my son was conceived. We haven't attempted at all since then. I already feel a lot of regret for waiting this long after my DS was born. He's been an only child now for 10 years. I feel like I've cheated him out of a sibling already.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time conceiving this time. I was so sorry to read about your recent miscarriage. Best of luck to you, and thanks again for your feedback. [emoji4]

My older sons were 13 and 16 when my first little one were born and 17 and 21 with my last, and while it's not quite the same as a same age sibling, they have both enjoyed the little ones a lot and it's great fun seeing them interact with each other. They're kinda like uncles, only they seem to be a lot more involved and caring than the average run of the mill uncle. :)

[fknonl1ne]

It's not crazy, people can and do have babies even with very life threatening situations like pulmonary hypertension and heart problems and all kinds of things. HELLP is a very big deal, but forewarned is forearmed and if your doctor is on board with you then you guys can have a plan in place if it arises again.

I put off having more kids for 13 years in part because of this mystery heart problem that no doctors could figure out (or even seem to give a --- about) and no health insurance, and I was VERY nervous getting pregnant again at 36. Then at 39, I had a higher risk pregnancy that was also very scary and I had some weird side effect where I would nearly pass out for 8 months after I had the baby and again no one could tell me why. It really took a very big leap of faith to come back one last time at 41/42, I was sure something would happen to me or to the baby the whole time or that I would not be able to recover my health afterwards, but that was actually my easiest pregnancy and birth and here we are 4 years later and I seem to be right back to normal again. So I do completely get what you're saying, even without a known health problem it's very very nervewracking.

Wishing you the very best of luck and peace of mind in making what is a very difficult decision.
Wow!!! Atomic, funny I never knew your story. How encouraging to read this. Thanks for sharing. My family structure/timing is quite similar to yours!

[fknonl1ne]

Oh and the baked in babysitters/uncle/aunty..what a blessing

[Dreamsister]

Let me start by saying that I know that only I can make this decision for myself. I'm just looking for some feedback from those of you who have experienced the same doubts, fears, etc.

I'm approaching my fertile period for July, and I've noticed as each months window approaches, my anxiety goes up regarding the risks involved with having another baby. I had a life threatening complication at the end of my last pregnancy. It was HELLP syndrome - a very severe cousin of preeclampsia. I also have an autoimmune disease. (MS) These things are part of the reason why DH and I put off even thinking about another child for so long. That, and my DH lost 2 jobs over the years. My only child (DS) will be 10 in July. As I approached 40, I started feeling like my family wasn't complete, and I know with my age, it's kind of a now or never thing at this point.

I've thoroughly researched pregnancy and MS, and the risk of HELLP syndrome occurring again. MS tends to improve during pregnancy. (Because of hormones the immune system is lowered during pregnancy) The risk of HELLP syndrome is there, but I would be very closely monitored next time.

I know for some people it may sound crazy for me to even be considering it with these obstacles, but I don't want to give up my dream out of fear. Have any of you faced something like this, where it's a major leap of faith to get pregnant again?

Thanks for listening. [emoji4]

I can totally relate to your doubts. I am also 41,5 and have tons of doubts about having another child at this age. But my desire is stronger than my boring rational mind who tells me it is safer to stay with my family as it is..

I agree with what everyone have already said: Go for it, give it a try. You can give it a year and then evaluate. Don't think to much about it. Just do it and see what happens. Have faith that what ever happens it is ok.


DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016

[Kittybear]

My perspective is that of an only child.

As a kid, i really wanted a sibling (all my friends had 1, why not me? And they looked pretty fun! :) ) I asked my mum if I'd get a baby brother or sister 1 day and she'd give a noncommittal 'well maybe...' And I got the picture as a teen that it wasn't happening. To be frank, I (mostly) loved being an only child as a teen as I was spoilt rotten (pretty much still am if I'm honest ;) lol) and I got away with a LOT (but my parents were fairly liberal) but I did miss having someone to see things from 'my perspective'.

It is only as I have gotten older that I have started really feeling the space where my sibling would have been. It hit me particularly hard whilst clearing my grandparents' house as I realised that there is only ME after my parents have gone :( Please god this is not for MANY years yet, and I hope that my husband and kids will help me but it is not the same as having someone to share that entire family experience and all of those memories... Once I have forgotten them, there is no one to remind me and so much of my history has already just disappeared...

It was the reason why, even though I had bad GD the first time round, I was absolutely determined that my son would not have my same experience. Yes he will not be financially spoilt in the way I was but I strongly believe the emotional benefit of having his brother far outweighs this (even with my horrible GD both times).

My mum often tells me how sorry she is now that she never had the 'courage' to have another child (her pregnancy was difficult with me and she had undiagnosed ppd I am sure). That is a very big regret of hers.

I say just do it, and the sooner the better. Your son will not have the same experience as my boys (who are close in age) but hopefully he is old enough to help/ understand about sharing/ be a confidante for his younger sibling. The difference between them WILL be stark at this young age, there is no getting round that, however it will lessen as they get older. My dad is nearly 10 years older than my uncle but that is of no consequence now they are both middle aged men ;) and indeed the same was true since they were 20 and 30 or so.

Good luck in your decision! :) x

[bigbump]

I am a similar age to you. I have 2 children with my husband aged 4 and 1 (on Friday!) my boys have another 3 half siblings aged 23, 21 and 8. I totally agree with atomic 's 'uncle' comparison. My eldest stepkids are fantastic with the little ones. They play and teach them and just enjoy their company. I think society generally worries too much about age gaps. There are benefits to siblings at any age and equally no guarantees of a great relationship at any age either. But for me this is a question about you. I think you already know the answer too. Don't look back in 5 years and regret not trying. That would be a sad place to be. Good luck!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Girlieplease]

Kittybear I love that quote "how strange is it to miss someone who never has existed" I always think it sums up exactly how I feel!

[Katt2275]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I read them with my DH, and we really appreciated hearing your perspectives. I'm due to ovulate sometime this next week, so we'll see if I chicken out or not. [emoji4]

[fknonl1ne]

That's so sweet. Sounds like a supportive DH. Go for it!!

[Katt2275]

Well, we had our attempt....sort of. Lol. I was on top, and I jumped off shortly after DH had already starting finishing. (Sorry to be so graphic. [emoji5] ) So some went in but most of it didn't. The fear just started taking over my mind. I was definitely at my peak fertile time, so I guess conception is possible but not probable.

[fknonl1ne]

Well, we had our attempt....sort of. Lol. I was on top, and I jumped off shortly after DH had already starting finishing. (Sorry to be so graphic. [emoji5] ) So some went in but most of it didn't. The fear just started taking over my mind. I was definitely at my peak fertile time, so I guess conception is possible but not probable.
L-O-L!

[atomic sagebrush]

What did DH say to that?? :) Huge hugs and I am just wishing you peace of mind no matter what.

[1moregirl]

Don't be scared Hun. My God....I'm 44 and still trying, so if you're scared I should be terrified. Lol! ;)

[fknonl1ne]

Don't be scared Hun. My God....I'm 44 and still trying, so if you're scared I should be terrified. Lol! ;)
You go girl!!

[Katt2275]

What did DH say to that?? :) Huge hugs and I am just wishing you peace of mind no matter what.
Atomic, DH understands my fear. I told him ahead of time that I might do that. He says he's ready when I'm ready. He's really sweet and good to me. Thanks for the hugs. I need them! [emoji15]

[Katt2275]

Don't be scared Hun. My God....I'm 44 and still trying, so if you're scared I should be terrified. Lol! ;)
Thanks 1moregirl. I'm more scared of my health issues than my age. [emoji46]

[atomic sagebrush]

Aw give him an extra big hug from all of us. :heart:

[graysmama]

I'm a bit younger at 35 but I had severe preeclampsia with my first pregnancy so I understand some of the fear. I'm 35 weeks pregnant on Monday and while I do have pregnancy induced hypertension and am dealing with the third trimester aches and pains I don't regret getting pregnant again and giving my son the sibling he's been asking for. I feel like our family will finally be complete with two children. Good luck whatever you decide

[1moregirl]

Katt - don't give up Hun. If it's in your heart, then just go with it and follow it. Lots of praying as well along the way and I'm sure you'll doc/Ob/FS will be on top of everything. Plus you'll have all of our support and advice. Xx

[Sweetplum]

Thank you 1moregirl for your sweet reply. I'm actually 41 and 1/2, so I have no idea how my eggs are doing since 11 years ago when my son was conceived. We haven't attempted at all since then. I already feel a lot of regret for waiting this long after my DS was born. He's been an only child now for 10 years. I feel like I've cheated him out of a sibling already.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time conceiving this time. I was so sorry to read about your recent miscarriage. Best of luck to you, and thanks again for your feedback. [emoji4]

Hi there. I too can relate to your story. I'm 41 with two children and hubby had a vasectomy when my youngest wasn't even one due to serious health issues we went through with him. I was the right decision at the time (2 years ago) but I've been really depressed for the past year, realizing that although logical, I was not emotionally ready. It has been a hard life lesson to learn. Anyway - the reason I'm writing is to let you know that over the past year I've had tests done on my eggs (FSH and estradiol and Anti-Mullerian Hormone). Simple blood tests that can give you sort of a sense of how far you are from menopause, quantity and quality of your eggs. Nothing is certain of course, but ask your OB about these. The results have given me peace of mind. I can't tell you what the right decision is, it's such a huge one and so unique to your health and your life. But I can tell you that I totally relate, I'm here with you. Best wishes!

[1moregirl]

Hi there. I too can relate to your story. I'm 41 with two children and hubby had a vasectomy when my youngest wasn't even one due to serious health issues we went through with him. I was the right decision at the time (2 years ago) but I've been really depressed for the past year, realizing that although logical, I was not emotionally ready. It has been a hard life lesson to learn. Anyway - the reason I'm writing is to let you know that over the past year I've had tests done on my eggs (FSH and estradiol and Anti-Mullerian Hormone). Simple blood tests that can give you sort of a sense of how far you are from menopause, quantity and quality of your eggs. Nothing is certain of course, but ask your OB about these. The results have given me peace of mind. I can't tell you what the right decision is, it's such a huge one and so unique to your health and your life. But I can tell you that I totally relate, I'm here with you. Best wishes!

Hi Sweetplum. I just wanted to ask you a question, if you don't mind...how did having those tests done give you peace of mind?

[Sweetplum]

Hi Sweetplum. I just wanted to ask you a question, if you don't mind...how did having those tests done give you peace of mind?

The results showed that I was very far from menopause, and as a 41 year old this was good news...my body was not ramping up/working too hard to ovulate. It also showed that my egg quality/quantity was similar to that of an early - mid 30 year old.
Nothing is guaranteed but it basically helped my OB and I have a discussion about my choices that was based on facts specific to my own body. Not a shot in the dark based on generalized speculation of any 41 year old.
Hope that helps :)

[1moregirl]

The results showed that I was very far from menopause, and as a 41 year old this was good news...my body was not ramping up/working too hard to ovulate. It also showed that my egg quality/quantity was similar to that of an early - mid 30 year old.
Nothing is guaranteed but it basically helped my OB and I have a discussion about my choices that was based on facts specific to my own body. Not a shot in the dark based on generalized speculation of any 41 year old.
Hope that helps :)

That all makes perfect sense. Thanks for explaining Sweetplum. Just out of interest, what was your AMH number?

[Sweetplum]

That all makes perfect sense. Thanks for explaining Sweetplum. Just out of interest, what was your AMH number?

1.442.
Did you have yours tested?

[1moregirl]

1.442.
Did you have yours tested?

Yes Sweetplum. Mine was 6.5 but might be a diff measurement thing to yours if you are in US, as I'm here in Australia. I'll check what the measurement system was and get back to you.

[Sweetplum]

Yes Sweetplum. Mine was 6.5 but might be a diff measurement thing to yours if you are in US, as I'm here in Australia. I'll check what the measurement system was and get back to you.

Sounds good. Keep me posted I'm curious. My OB said that above 1 was 'normal' for my age and she was good with it. I trust her and didn't dig much more than that :)

PS> I also wanted to let you know I had serious autoimmune issues with both my pregnancies (Auto Immune Hemolytic Anemia) - where my pregnant body basically destroys my own red blood cells so I become severely anemic. I had to have blood transfusions with my first but avoided it with my second since it was planned for and managed better.

Anyway, I can relate to your dilemma on so many levels. I swing back and forth between heart and head on a daily/hourly/minute basis. It's really really hard to know what to do. xo.