So confused! Anyone had to move across the world before?!

[weeziewoozles]

Ok. OMG. DH had a call last night from his boss who's currently developing their business in LA. He wants us to relocate there! No idea how long for or who else from the business would go too, so we'd probably know no one. I'm terrified that he'll put pressure on DH and make this non-negotiable. I don't like being pressurised.

On the one hand California isn't exactly a bad place to live! We could be near the beach etc. Weather. Job opportunities. I'm good at making friends. But I love where we live. I love our house. I love that we can walk to school every day and it's a great school where the boys are flourishing. I love that I can walk to dozens of friends' houses for playdates or dinner parties. DH and I enjoy going out in London regularly and my family are all within a 30min drive.

The idea of leaving my home, family and friends, my whole support network, my home town, my country, our National Health Service!, just boggles my mind. I can't see any benefits to us other than some financial, but that'll be dependant on the success of this new business venture!

Plus I'm expecting to be preggers any time soon. Would I have to relocate pregnant? Have no support for the newborn? I don't even know what the birthing options are in LA!!

Help me ladies!

[MrsSparkles]

Hi,

We've relocated a few times. Japan, Austria, Germany and looks like we are going to be going to Baltimore next year.
We spent 3 months in LA, for my work last year.
It's so scary when it's a country where English isn't the main language, but it's also so enriching.

Relocating to the USA when you're pregnant would be super awesome for the baby....American passport .
If I were your husband, I would insist on really good insurance (Bupa International cover Maternity), and then you have lots more options in terms of where you give birth etc.
The great thing about California (apart from the weather) is that everyone is so friendly, and genuinely seem helpful.
Shouldn't think it would be difficult for you to make a ton of new friends, especially since you have children.

Have to admit it takes a certain type of person to up sticks and relocate, my husband and I are used to it and really enjoy the adventure.
You do miss family and friends, but it's so much better now that there is Skype and FaceTime.
We feel really lucky to have incredible extended family in other countries now :D

[MrsE]

Wow thats HUGE! Not an easy decision. My brother temporarily relocated to Sweden and has now been there 16 years! It'll def be tough leaving friends and family but also an exciting adventure that the kids might love. Especially with the weather and outdoor lifestyle. Do you have to commit to a particular time frame? Could you try it for a few months? My Nct friend recently relocated to the US with her husband whilst pregnant and had no problems at all with the pregnancy monitoring and birth. I think they just had to make sure she was covered by her husband's work health plan before they moved.

[Kittybear]

There was a lady here who moved from the UK to NY last year. I can't remember her username off the top of my head.

I think you need to have some very frank discussions with your hubz and his work. The number 1 thing is financial security; will you be expected to sell up OR rent out your house OR will you mothball it whilst the company continue to pay your mortgage etc? In Cali, will you be put up somewhere, have to do a private rental (and if so who pays)? Have they discussed timeframes? Will you be given a moving allowance? Would there be an option for your Dh to go out first for X amount of time (maybe 'commuting' back once every few weeks for a long weekend) before you all commit to going?

Cali is beautiful, you know that. The boys will adjust (kids are surprisingly easy going and just take a situation as it comes, and if you are ~outwardly~ happy, they will be too in time). It will be harder for you & your Dh imo. It IS a big thing, no denying that BUT it could also be an amazing opportunity and life experience (?) the world is 'smaller' than ever before (with air travel and Skype/ FaceTime etc) so you don't have to 'miss' people AND you will suddenly be inundated with people wanting to visit you! ;)

I find that writing things down often helps, so you could start with a list of questions to ask and a 'pros and cons' list.

I wish you the best of luck lovely, and rest assured that WHATEVER you decide to do is the best for your family xxx

[weeziewoozles]

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I love you ladies!

[weeziewoozles]

Your replies had me welling up, making me realise how emotional I am at the moment. Given that we're currently TTC it's not great for my stress levels!!

[atomic sagebrush]

I have no advice but just hugest (((hugs))). Moving is rough, we moved 2 hours from our old home in 2014 and I am STILL getting organized - but then again I tend to be a little lazy with that kind of thing.

I love the LA area, my dad lived there when I was in high school and I often went to visit. It's so beautiful and tons of fun stuff to do. :)

[weeziewoozles]

Thank you. I'm trying to focus on the positives but I don't see many because I'm driven by my friendships and stability not adventure!

[1282]

Weezie you paint such a beautiful picture of your set up at the moment, near to a good school, lots of friends in walking distance etc. I think if you decide to go just make sure you keep hold of your home so that you have that life to go back to, after the time in LA. It might feel like you'd be going for an eternity, but I'm sure the time would fly by, with visits from family & friends and the kids would love it. Oh that's another thing to consider, if say Christmas or summer hols it would be important for you to come back to the UK, maybe have that written into your relocation? Ideally with air fares ([emoji2]) or just the understanding that you'll visit the UK for a couple of weeks then and that isn't the only holiday your DH gets to take.

My DH and I have always wanted to relocate somewhere, but never had the opportunity xx


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[ever hopeful]

I'd just look on it as a great adventure and given the age of your boys the good thing is it won't really upset their schooling which it could do if you were going, in say, 5 years. We relocated to NY for two years and the key things are to really ensure that the financial benefits are worth the upheaval and that you have a definite time limit, (two or three years) which obviously could be extended if both sides agree. You need to the company to pay for a relocation adviser to help with schools, houses etc and that there will be at least one fully paid trip for you to go over and check these things out. You might need another trip with your eldest two for school testing as well and so that they can go and spend a day in the new school - so need to ensure these costs are covered to. Also, importantly agree what accomodation they are going to pay for - because you will hopefully end up in a win win situation with your accommodation in LA paid for by the company and the flexibility to rent out your existing home in UK for the time you are there. We certainly found schooling was much more expensive than the private sector in the UK, and also that because school starts a year later, years are slightly different so all that needs to be taken into consideration too, but the relocation person we used was fab. Also, if you have a new baby in US, as well as a passport, they will get the option to go to a US university and not pay the International fees and I seem to recall that their siblings also get this option (sorry can't remember exact details)....and finally, I know you are swaying now, but I guess living in LA, HT might become an option again...? I know easier said than done, but try not to worry as things do always work out. Hugs xx

[weeziewoozles]

Thank you. Where are you living now? Did you enjoy the "adventure"? Could you PM me details of the relocation advisor as with a few families possibly moving we might be able to pitch the benefits of expertise to the company. They are paying for us all to go out next month to explore. I'm hoping we can "explore" Disneyland one day too! I'm not sure we'll be able to get them to agree on a fixed timescale but I'd like to as I think it'll help me with framing it all in my head. Agreeing however that we can go home (paid for) for Christmas would be reassuring.
I can't see the company paying for our boys to go to private school but from a brief look, quite a lot of the coastal LA public schools seem to have good ratings. Am I right in thinking that they don't start till 4 or 5 years old though? If so we'd need the company to pay for DS3 to go to preschool as it's free here.
I'm hoping this month's attempt will have been successful but if we are unsuccessful repeatedly AND the finance package is way more than DH's current salary, then yes, being able to drive to HRC would be a bonus.
DH's best friend suggested an alternative plan, that he could go out for a month, then home for a month, and try that for say six months? Then see if his boss felt he was there enough and if he/I felt we could cope with the absence. It's a thought. And obviously we'd need some financial reasons to bother!
Too much to think about! Not good for girl swaying. DH did treat me to a delicious Black Forest themed Gin and tonic earlier though. That helped :-) 33161

[weeziewoozles]

Ok more advice needed. In the short term we're going to go out there and explore a bit. So where do I request us to stay? In a house rental in a potential area so we can absorb the atmosphere and really envisage how we could live there. OR a swish hotel so I don't have to do any cooking or cleaning and feels a bit luxurious. OR a Disney hotel!!! :-) :-) :-)

[GirlieCat]

Hi Weez, I live in Southern California. LA is HUGE so I am not sure where you guys are looking at living or hubby working. I am an hour away from LA area and about 45 min from the closest beach city and 30 min from Disneyland. Traffic is definitely something DH will want to consider when picking where to live vs the location of his work. One piece of advice on that, avoid him driving the 405 freeway as part of his commute. [emoji6]

For your visit, Disney is going to be fun and the kids will definitely want to move here then, but that is not reality. I would stay as close to the area you expect to live. Beach life is a night and day difference from downtown LA life and both are different than suburb life. I have lived here all my life and I still feel culture clash driving through some areas. You can be in the ghetto and pass dozen of homeless one minute and then be in the multi-million dollar homes and valet parking the next minute. There is beauty in that diversity though because it is a melting pot of people and experiences. It also means you have lots of choices on where to live and what fits your lifestyle. I am happy to help any way I can.

[MrsE]

How about a swish hotel in an area you might want to live in? That way you get the luxury but you can also explore the neighbourhood.

Ps that Black Forest G&T looks amazing!

[rubyroo83]

Weezie how exciting!
I've moved a few times and my husbands work keeps wanting him to move to the States but the package isn't good enough (yet!) plus I wouldn't work so we would lose my income. Also it's not Cali, it's a pretty boring cold state so I'm not keen.

I would move in a heartbeat if it was somewhere awesome like Asia or Cali ;)

It's an adventure!

Also you could try HRC again, with your amazing results last time it was really just bad luck the two embryos didn't stick. I really can't believe you wouldn't have more luck this time. I know you want to be pregnant ASAP but would 6 months really make a huge difference?

[weeziewoozles]

Weezie how exciting!
I've moved a few times and my husbands work keeps wanting him to move to the States but the package isn't good enough (yet!) plus I wouldn't work so we would lose my income. Also it's not Cali, it's a pretty boring cold state so I'm not keen.

I would move in a heartbeat if it was somewhere awesome like Asia or Cali ;)

It's an adventure!

Also you could try HRC again, with your amazing results last time it was really just bad luck the two embryos didn't stick. I really can't believe you wouldn't have more luck this time. I know you want to be pregnant ASAP but would 6 months really make a huge difference?

I agree with your theory but I feel like if we put TTC on hold for work we could end up waiting forever. Who knows when this would actually happen if it does. I always feel in life that you have to prioritise what matters to you and go for it. No regrets. If we end up with a generous financial package then I'd consider HRC in the future but right now I want a baby!

[weeziewoozles]

How about a swish hotel in an area you might want to live in? That way you get the luxury but you can also explore the neighbourhood.

Ps that Black Forest G&T looks amazing!

It was yum! Yes I'll suggest a family suite or apartment in a hotel in Santa Monica I think :-)

[weeziewoozles]

Hi Weez, I live in Southern California. LA is HUGE so I am not sure where you guys are looking at living or hubby working. I am an hour away from LA area and about 45 min from the closest beach city and 30 min from Disneyland. Traffic is definitely something DH will want to consider when picking where to live vs the location of his work. One piece of advice on that, avoid him driving the 405 freeway as part of his commute. [emoji6]

For your visit, Disney is going to be fun and the kids will definitely want to move here then, but that is not reality. I would stay as close to the area you expect to live. Beach life is a night and day difference from downtown LA life and both are different than suburb life. I have lived here all my life and I still feel culture clash driving through some areas. You can be in the ghetto and pass dozen of homeless one minute and then be in the multi-million dollar homes and valet parking the next minute. There is beauty in that diversity though because it is a melting pot of people and experiences. It also means you have lots of choices on where to live and what fits your lifestyle. I am happy to help any way I can.

Thank you so much for your reply. So helpful :-) I'll definitely pm you with questions!! X

[MrsE]

It was yum! Yes I'll suggest a family suite or apartment in a hotel in Santa Monica I think :-)

We stayed at Santa Monica post ER and I loved it there!


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