A place for those who swayed for a boy but are having or had a GIRL *Support Thread*

[TTC5]

I thought that seeming there are a few who are having or have just had a girl after swaying for boy, it would be nice for them to have their own little place for support. Especially if it is too hard emotionally to visit the Chit Chat thread.

[begonia]

Ok I need help!!! I'm really struggling with having 3 girls. It sounds horrid to say it but I never wanted ANY daughters, let alone 3, for the exact reasons people say whenever they make comments about raising girls. I for one agree with the comments; girls are hard. It sure seems like it's more dangerous emotionally to be a female than a male; girls can be flat out mean to each other in ways that men just don't do to each other. Women scare me :worry:

I don't consider myself to be a woman who should be raising daughters for any of the traditional reasons people associate with little girls, either ... I have no interest in taking them to dance classes, I don't like dressing them up, we don't own any hair bows or princess toys. I'm so glad my 5 year old just wants to play Batman and Legos and I don't have to deal with dress-up and tea parties, but I worry that DD2 is wanting to do that type of girly thing, and that DD3 will as well ... so perhaps they'll play together but, ummm ... it won't be hard for anyone to notice that I prefer spending time with DD1.

I don't feel like I'm a good "girl mom" and that is probably what scares me the very most about having another one. Don't get me wrong, I think I'm a good mother overall, but I don't think as far as gender-specific parenting goes that I have what it takes to raise daughters.

[WashingtonPromise]

Oh B :(
Hunny, you always have the best things to say at the perfect moment and I am sure your girls will turn out just like you. It is okay to not be frilly and fu-fu. Having a loving mother is way better than what most girls (children) get. Don't worry you'll get over this hump.

I hope more "all girl" mommies come over here and make each feel better.

[gizmo77]

begonia, i also dont consider myself to be a girlie mom and i only wanted ONE daughter and 3 sons. i am so not into dresses and tea parties. my eldest wasnt either up until recently when she discovered cinderella and all the other princesses. so she likes dresses but she also like playing with toy cars/trucks, etc and loves sports. DD2 is making her way to 'tomboy'ishness too. ppl (esply MIL!) buy us hair thingies and pretty outfits, they just hang in the closets. we were PANTS here.

what if you had a son that was gay and was very effeminate, itd be the same feeling. you just end up loving and catering to the child in anyway to make him/her happy.

you raise your girls the way YOU and DH want not the way society expects you to. put them in baseball or whatever fancies you guys.we are SO not doing any dancing things. BUT i will say if they choose to, i wont stop it. ive always been a tomboy and never girlie myself so i always feared id be a bad mom to TWO girls. but they are fine well adjusted as are yours. their friends will influence them but you just teach them to stand up for what they believe in: football.

youre going to be FINE with 3. they grow up, get married, and youll miss them not being around. enjoy it now.

that being said, will YOU be there for ME when im going thru this if i get a 3rd girl?? ;-)

[nuthinbutpink]

Hi B. I saw this thread and want to comment. First, great idea for a place for those to be able to openly talk about their feelings.

Here is something to keep in mind-

1. Nobody grows up to actually be a princess unless you are born into Royalty and then it would be cool anyway because you would have a Title and all.

2. No adult wears a hairbow- or at least nobody I hang out with! Seriously, that too is a temporary, yet functional item for those of us with DDs that have bangs that constantly hang in her eyes.

3. You have a tremendous amount of influence on your girls right now. Do you sign them up for sports? Soccer, tennis, golf, basketball, etc? Do you get them involved in activities that interest you? Dance isn't the only available activity for young girls!

My eldest is a tomboy, like me. She has been in dance though. It was great for learning coordination, being able to follow directions- I treated it like a sport...a competition. I made sure she knew the recital routine well enough that she was front and center and the other little girls looked to her for what to do next! Leadership skills in the making!

Fast forward a few years and she is a good basketball player, is learning golf and tennis and runs. She also can dance but now it is more of that hip-hop stuff but we don't go to class!

DD2 is more girly girl. She wants to be a cheerleader- which is fine because you better be strong and coordinated these days to do that so it means time in the gym in her future for sure. She is my empathetic child(DD 1 is completely self-centered) and she is my go-to child when I need help with the others. She is also asking about golf and tennis so I am putting her in lessons for that. She is also my brainy child- might be a doctor one day.

DD3 is our work in progress LOL. She is in her own world and honestly, she may never make it on her own at this pace. I can see her living with us for the rest of her life because of the way she is. Totally loves baby dolls and chocolate milk. She is funny. Makes me laugh so if she does end up with us, hopefully she will keep me smiling as I grow old.

We go to college football games- my girls know the rules and some of the positions of the players. I watch football and ESPN. We play outside. Last night, we went and followed the deer around that live near us. We go to the local school's sporting events. I really want one of them to play volleyball because it is something I never got to play as a kid. We're doing softball in the spring.

My point is, their life is what you make it. Certainly, they have interests but you can provide a great deal of direction as to what they do in life. Let them do dance but throw something that interests you into the mix- maybe they will love it too!

I was a little kid. Skinny as can be and never asked to play sports, do anything really. My parents signed me up for basketball when I was around 9-10 and it turned out I was a natural and really good. Shocked everyone I think. I certainly didn't look like a basketball player but they found out I was quick, coordinated and a natural athlete. I never asked to play anything though and it was only because they signed me up for something that I found out what I could do!

I wish they would have exposed me to other sports. I think I could have done a lot and maybe earned a scholarship in something that didn't require height(LOL) and who knows where I would be today.

If it turns out you never have a son, at some point, you will have to stop looking at what you can't do and find out what your girls are good at- everyone is good at something. It might not be what you had wanted it to be- like the dancing- but that can be what you make it to and I can tell you from experience that seeing my DDs nail the dance recital routine and seeing one of their her Cheer Squads place 3rd at the region Cheer Off when their team was never supposed to place at all were just as exciting and overwhelming as seeing her score a goal at her basketball game.

I take pride in what they do and I make sure they do too. There is time for everything and once you learn to embrace the pink a little bit and not fear it, it makes things easier. Look at my username- nuthinbutpink. When I signed up on the boards long ago, I too had just found out about my DD3. I was sad. I looked around me and there was NOTHING BUT PINK. Vomit. Once they got a little older and started becoming somebody, it got easier. Even before DS was here. I still want them all to be strong, bold women and having DS did not change that.

My advice to you is look at what you can do. Look where you can get involved at the appropriate times in their lives and gently push them in a direction. They can really be anything, do anything. That is a great place to be and I hope one day they shock the hell out of you like I did with my parents. It's an awesome surprise. I am really close with both my parents and mostly due to the fact that they were so involved in my sports activities as a child and young adult. It made me who I am today.

Big hugs to you, momma. I've been there but it does get easier. There is a butt load of stuff to look forward to. Promise.

[TTC5]

Hey B!!

My girls do Karate, seems very boyish but they LOVE it =D

[skrimpy]

begonia, I can identify with most of what you've said. I don't feel like I'm a good "girl mom" either. I wanted maybe one daughter, and I didn't want a daughter first! I pictured myself with boys, boys, boys!

I really struggled with a lot of GD while I was pregnant with Honor because I just couldn't believe I was going to get yet another girl that I didn't know what to do with, or how to parent well. I feel like my relationship with my mom is "okay" but not great, and it certainly wasn't great as I was growing up. She was sick a lot and she just wasn't there for me. It was really strained.

What helped me a lot was seeing that things are going pretty well with my eldest, and that I'm doing a good job with her - and having people tell me I'm doing a good job with her. She's not a typical "girly girl" (she's not a tomboy, either, though). She's feminine, but in a nice, understated way. She's not a little preteen b****, either, like some of the girls I see. She's not flippant, she doesn't have an attitude.

Just like my boys are not sulky, surly, lackadaisical boys, she's not a stereotypical "diva" girl.

It really comes down to parenting.

Early in my parenting career I decided I wasn't going to have any "terrible twos" (or threes, or fours, or whatever). And it dawned on me that that I could decide the same about terrible teenagers - even girls! My girls don't have to be that stereotypical teenage girl.

Don't get me wrong - I have issues with my toddlers from time. I have attitude problems with DD1. I notice them right away because I can really see the female "attitude" and stuff shining through. I can see my own faults in her. I know what a burden certain woman's tendencies are. My DH notices the DS1's behavior more than I do, and I DD more than he does... we see what we know much better than the other.

I work with her, help her understand and see her attitude. I try to be sensitive, recounting stories of my challenges and how my attitudes hurt or helped me. I encourage her to think about things in a way that will help her improve (rather than sulk and resent). It's not always easy. I don't always feel like I do a good job. But I do feel like I will raise my girls up differently than the stereotypical teenage girl.

Another thing that helped me was realizing that I can have a great relationship with my daughters even if I don't have that with my mom, and that my history does not have be their story. People encouraging me that I'm doing a good job, and noting to me that my mom just really doesn't even listen to me or really see me for who I am has helped. First, it has helped me let go of the feeling that I did something "wrong" with my mom (and thus will do something wrong with my daughters). And it has helped me see what to guard for and how to watch to make sure I am really listening to them, really hearing them, and really seeing them. It has helped me know I can watch them grow and be proud of them for who they are.

It's really very challenging sometimes and it still scares me to think about "what if I mess my girls up?" I mean, my Honor is 4 months old and the thought of hearing "girl" again in a few years scares me! I just worry about raising up the girls. But really, they are such a blessing to me. They help me become a much better mother. Especially now with older girl issues I am able to see myself reflected and become a better woman so they have a better example.

I also get a chance to raise up daughters who are empowered and equipped, and who will hopefully grow to share my values and ideals. And hopefully I will do a good job and help them avoid some of my mistakes and the burdens of habits I developed as a teenager (such as complaining!!)

It's hard, especially when you don't think you're cut out for it. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger :) And our daughters are worth being strong for.

[CapricornAquarius]

TTC5 - great thread!

Skrimpy & Nuthinbutpink - Well said, brought tears to my eyes.

Begonia - :hugs:

DD1 :ballerina: DD2 :giggle: Allow our girls to become their own person.

[CapricornAquarius]

youre going to be FINE with 3. they grow up, get married, and youll miss them not being around. enjoy it now.



So true!

DD1 :ballerina: DD2 :giggle:

[babydes56]

Well said ladies, i too cant believe i'm having my third daughter..I come from a family of boys & because i get on so much better with men i just imagined myself with a least a son so i'm struggling knowing that's not going to be the case now. I'm very close to my brothers, most of my friends are gay guys & the 3 girlfriends i have i've known since school days (they like my sisters). I'm all for men but the things i know that keep me going are that daughters tend to stay with you more that sons. With some men it all depends on who they marry. I also find that yes girls can be hard work when they are teenagers however they soon mature when they have their own kids & that's when they appreciate their moms more & you become best friends because they understand what it was like for you raising them. Girls are for keeps i say even though i will cry for the son i will never have

[LolaInLove]

Great thread! And so well said, NBP and Skrimpy.

I can't really comment as to having my last and final baby be a girl also....I don't know what I'd feel in that instance. Of course, I know I'd mourn not having a son ever, but hopefully that would be a feeling that would pass sooner than later.

I can say this, though, because of the new situation in which I find myself on this ttc journey: you ladies are BLESSED like crazy to have a baby at all. That may not be what you want to hear, but if I can provide anything to this thread, it is just some perspective when you are faced with not having any more children ever. I know you ladies have been so encouraging and supportive, so much so that it brings tears to my eyes....but the reality is that we may never conceive and have a full-term baby. After much conversation about whether it is fair to our family to take the plunge into HT and have an enormous payment to a financing company each month for 5-7 years, we are not going to do IVF. So, I hope that in saying that I may never experience the sheer joy and amazement of having another child ever again, you gals feel incredibly lucky to have the sweet precious angel that you will have soon enough. I would give ANYTHING to know that I would have another baby, even a girl. In a heartbeat.

But on a different note from the depressing stuff, I totally agree with NBP that parenting, mothering daughters, is what you make it. I am a fairly well-rounded female, I think, and I enjoy girly stuff and boy stuff. I think of my kids as I would hope others think of me: I am who I am, and I hope I am respected for what I enjoy and am talented at and not looked at with any stereotypes. You can encourage your children to try all sorts of things, but in the end, you must respect what they really are into even if it's not your thing. Easier said than done, but the rewards of seeing your kids excel and love something are so worth it. I couldn't care less what my kids do, except that they LOVE IT.

[begonia]

:kiss: I love this thread and think everyone has had such brilliant things to say; I know I'm going to re-read it MANY times because it is full of wisdom. I really, really appreciate everyone taking the time to add their perspective. I know I'm not the only one benefitting from it but I definitely appreciate it.

Skrimpy, I do identify with you re: the mother relationship impacting my perspective, because my own mom was an abusive alcoholic. I feel like I have no model for what a healthy mother/daughter relationship should be. I know what I hope for it to be but I sure wish I had an example to follow, so I am doing my best to provide that for my girls so that one day, hopefully, they won't feel as lost as I do. I feel like I should add that my mom is 10 years sober and a fantastic grandmother, and my girls will never hear a word about her past from me, but it is still pretty impossible for us to repair 20+ years of our past together.

So I know a LOT of my issues are due to that. And the rest, well ... like you said NBP, and others mentioned too ... I will be into what they are into because they're my girls :HH: And if that means I need to learn how to do pigtails and hairbows and watch them cheer at a football game, I'm sure I'll be proud to do it.

And in the dose of perspective category, DD2 had an accident this morning and passed out for a solid minute; people were starting to call 911 before she came to again. It isn't the 1st time it has happened but seeing her like that again, all pale and lifeless ... oh how much I cherish these days with my kids; I'm SO thankful that they are here and they are healthy. I'm trying so hard not to wish them away by fretting about not getting what I wanted. After all that's not the example I want to set for them; being all whiny about things not turning out exactly how you want them to. That's precisely the type of daughter I don't want to have so I'd best not spend my time behaving that way myself.

Although I will say ... watching all the crap my mom did gave me a shining example of what not to do, so ... maybe a few mistakes made by me here and there are good for them :wink:

Oh and NBP I was cracking up about no adult actually wearing a hairbow :rofl: Can you imagine?!?! I might put one in for our next family photo ... it would make for a great Christmas card :)

[Flava]

Begonia -Im so sorry you feel sad. What can I say I have 4 girls. I felt the same with DD3 it was really bad and I did not have a nice support group back on IG like we do here. I don't know if anything we say help you right now but for sure the new baby will help when you hold her.It was a lot easier for me once she was outside.
My girls are not dancing or anything like that but I would not mind if they do .I don't think that boys are so much easy to raise . We can also see bad boys all over the place not just silly girls in the mall!
I hope you feel better soon I know it's not easy!
XXXX

[TTC5]

I'm glad you ladies find this thread a good idea, I had a feeling it would bring comfort and support to those who need it xx

[LolaInLove]

OH lord, B, I would have freaked out also! I am glad she is ok! I am telling you, there is NOTHING like putting things into perspective and counting your blessings when you are feeling down about something. I hope my talking about that did not seem trite or anything. I have to do that daily to be ok with what I'm dealing with. Here's the website that makes me REALLY appreciate my blessings, even though I went there because of the losses: www.facesofloss.com. You will cry if you read ANY of these amazingly strong ladies' stories. But this site is here to give hope, which is what I love about it.

[CapricornAquarius]

OH lord, B, I would have freaked out also! I am glad she is ok! I am telling you, there is NOTHING like putting things into perspective and counting your blessings when you are feeling down about something. I hope my talking about that did not seem trite or anything. I have to do that daily to be ok with what I'm dealing with. Here's the website that makes me REALLY appreciate my blessings, even though I went there because of the losses: www.facesofloss.com. You will cry if you read ANY of these amazingly strong ladies' stories. But this site is here to give hope, which is what I love about it.

Omg, the stories on that website are so so sad I was crying like a baby, literally tears flowing down my face.
Thank you Llove a huge eye opener for me.
I will prey for you to be blessed with another child.

DD1 :ballerina: DD2 :giggle:

[TTC5]

OH lord, B, I would have freaked out also! I am glad she is ok! I am telling you, there is NOTHING like putting things into perspective and counting your blessings when you are feeling down about something. I hope my talking about that did not seem trite or anything. I have to do that daily to be ok with what I'm dealing with. Here's the website that makes me REALLY appreciate my blessings, even though I went there because of the losses: www.facesofloss.com. You will cry if you read ANY of these amazingly strong ladies' stories. But this site is here to give hope, which is what I love about it.

Oh gosh how sad, I tried to read her blog but the font was far to difficult to read :(

[LolaInLove]

Omg, the stories on that website are so so sad I was crying like a baby, literally tears flowing down my face.
Thank you Llove a huge eye opener for me.
I will prey for you to be blessed with another child.

DD1 :ballerina: DD2 :giggle:

Yes, when you see what other women go through, having two amazing kids already even though I may not get pg again isn't so bad.... having a 3rd beautiful healthy daughter is not so bad either! These ladies are so tough and have gone through the worst thing ever....I think about sweet Iluv when I read these, and 3P1B, and Princess, some of us have been through it as well. Just helps to remember that a healthy little screamer after 9 months is a blessing, the most immeasurable one possible, no matter what is between the legs.

[begonia]

I don't think that boys are so much easy to raise . We can also see bad boys all over the place not just silly girls in the mall!
I hope you feel better soon I know it's not easy!
XXXX

Thank you Flava :) I was at a luncheon today and one of the moms there has a 16 year old son ... and WOW. It was NOT going well for her! And when I think about it ... my older brother was MUCH more trouble than I ever was. He still is. So yes ... I think really, either gender is going to have their tough spots.

[SpicyTunaSushi]

HUGS BEGONIA! My 13 week nub was not promising- so probably joining this thread. I am happy to get DD a sister. In fact, what I always wanted! But, sad for DH. We will have another- probably 2, but feeling like DD3 and DD4 are a reality too. :)

[begonia]

Oh Spicy, I'm sorry to hear that! Sisters is really great, I can say that FOR SURE... I never had one but am thrilled for my girls. Much as I said I never wanted DD's I can honestly say the two of them together are just awesome. I genuinely mean it and am not just trying to make you feel better! And do remember ... nubs can be misleading! I wouldn't call her DD2 just yet! And don't forget there are many women who DO get DS after 2 or more DD's. I would sway again with 3 and 4 if I were you.

I'm in such a weird place these days and I hate it. I am totally excited to be having another baby and don't feel any regret about having a 3rd (initially I was thinking it was a big mistake when I heard girl, so this is a huge improvement) and I am even excited to see who she is, because the little personalities in my first two are super fun. But I can't get past feeling sad several times a day that the little boy I envisioned (oh how I could see him!) isn't coming our way, that my girls will not have a brother, that we will not have that parent/son relationship. I don't regret having a 3rd but there are moments I wish we had just adopted #3 instead of making our own again. And then I get mad at myself because I KNOW how lucky I am but I can't seem to beat the emotions into submission, LOL. I HATE not being able to control how I feel. And I hate not being able to control what kind of baby I have. Clearly I have control issues :) I just keep praying that it will go away and in 3 years time I will be happy with what I have. I know sooooo many families with 3 girls; they all seem to be doing a-ok, KWIM? I don't see them running out to adopt a baby boy.

Anyhow, #4 isn't TOTALLY out of the question but I just really can't wrap my head around 4. I always wanted 3, even if we had BG I would have had a third, so it wasn't wholly about trying for a son. But #4 (we would likely adopt if we went for #4) would be 100% about wanting a gender, not as much about just wanting a child. And until I can move more into wanting a 4th child and not just wanting a boy, I think 4 is a bad idea for us. So then I come back to the place where I'm never going to have a son and that place is no fun whatsoever to be in.

BAH. Times like this I wish I could just have a drink!

[LolaInLove]

Hey B.....I completely understand how you feel. I am a pretty big control freak too, so I also hate when I can't control my emotions or a situation (like mine now, lol). I think it will just take some time, and hopefully by her birth, you will be free of those feelings. I guess that should be your mission now, to find a way to shake them. I think sometimes they must make their way through your system for a while, which is good and normal, and then you have to let it go. Do you do prenatal yoga? That may be a great way to work at finding peace.....I LOVE yoga, especially at good yoga centers where they are not just about the exercise part but also about the spiritual part. I always feel so much more in tune with myself and the world when I leave a good yoga class. And I'm sure I don't have to tell you how awesome prenatal is when you're pg.

B, since you said you guys are blessed with the resources for another, why don't you consider going HT? I'd do it in a heartbeat! You are young and healthy enough, I bet it would work first shot. Seriously, I would do it. It would cost you the same as an adoption, for the most part, and it would be your own. Not that adoption wouldn't be wonderful, but you know, it would be your and DH's biological son. And I know you are kinda private IRL, you wouldn't have to tell anyone....I've seen threads where lots of HT ladies don't tell and act like the whole thing is a big surprise from the pregnancy to the finding out gender. Just sayin......

:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:

[SpicyTunaSushi]

Thanks B! You know what, after my tear fest with Hubs, I have decided that we as girl mom's are awesome! B- you seem like such an awesome person and your life should not be, for one minute, less joyful without a son! I am going to choose to not let anyone rob me of my joy of this dd. I am playing with DD right now, and she is amazing. Her sister will be too. Your newest DD will be too!

[LolaInLove]

Thanks B! You know what, after my tear fest with Hubs, I have decided that we as girl mom's are awesome! B- you seem like such an awesome person and your life should not be, for one minute, less joyful without a son! I am going to choose to not let anyone rob me of my joy of this dd. I am playing with DD right now, and she is amazing. Her sister will be too. Your newest DD will be too!

Yay, I love reading this! Spicy, I will also add that 2 girls, or even more, is amazing. I LOVE watching my girls play together and love that they will be best friends for life. They have a very special bond that no one will ever break. And you know, could end up not being a girl that you are carrying, you never know. Either way, I am so happy for you all that you are having healthy little babies!

[begonia]

Awww, Lola, you are far too gracious with me, really. I really appreciate how patient you are to talk through this with me when you're dealing with some hard stuff on your own; honestly, I can look outside myself long enough to want to scream at myself to SHUT UP already and be happy with three healthy girls! So thank you for not doing that, and instead being so kind. You're a lovely person.

Re: high tech, DH wouldn't go for it. I *think* I would be up for trying 1-2 cycles, though I've seen 2 close friends go through it and it isn't easy. But he really wasn't even into swaying b/c of the whole idea of "picking" seemed not right to him. Obviously I don't feel that way :) He's said he wants a boy, but he feels nowhere near like I do about it ... he really will be thrilled to have a third healthy daughter. He feels like if God wanted us to have a son he'd give us one, and in his opinion, we need to figure out whether that means try again naturally (if this is a girl, LOL, since he technically still doesn't know, just believes) or adopt. I'd LOVE to have a son of our own for sure. If Microsort becomes available again for gender selection I might be able to get him to do that since it isn't 100%. But I know for sure he won't do IVF/PGD. Anyhow, where I do feel weird about the adoption is like you mentioned... I am very private, and I hate that many people would know we adopted a son since we couldn't "make" one of our own, KWIM? There would be no hiding that! And would my girls feel like they were somehow NOT what we wanted if we adopt a son? I'd hate that; I do adore them and wouldn't change them, I just ALSO want a son. From that perspective I'd almost rather sway again. Who knows. At this point I so can't see myself with 4 kids so am praying I'll be OK soon with the 3 girls I have. I will say if I was in your position, dealing with true infertility and not just gender desire, I'd FOR SURE do HT. Personally I have nothing against it. If DH was on board I'd be in.

Spicy, you do totally rock, you know that right?!?! I was thinking that today, really, just what you said, that my life shouldn't be any less joyful because I don't have a son. You're absolutely right. I truly believe when I am an old woman and I see women with baby girls I'll probably tear up over the days I spend crying about my own, KWIM? I feel like such an idiot for feeling this way but at the same time am beyond thankful for this place as an outlet, because if I had to keep all this in (though I have talked to one of my BFFs about it) I think I'd feel 1000 times worse. I'm glad you're taking it so well! And really ... you still have a shot at blue!! Don't fret too long about the nub!

[nuthinbutpink]

Hey, B you can tell your DH that there is a lot praying and begging during an IVF cycle too. My creed I live by is that I don't ask God for anything outright- like something to be given to me...I ask Him to meet me half way. You never know what half way is though- how far some of us have to go to get there. For some of you, it is the sacrifice through swaying and for others, it ends up being HT. Either path, if you believe, I assure you He is involved.

My creed went out the window the week of my cycle too I am sad to say. My DD's go to a Christian school but I was raised Catholic and we don't read the Bible(giggle) so I wasn't really familiar with the specific text. I know I had seen something about asking God for what you want and so I found the passage and read it and sure enough, right there in black and white. After that moment, I begged Him to give me a son too.

He was hand picked. We started with 23 eggs and it dwindled down to 3 males. I transferred all 3(first one which didn't take and then 2) and came out of that mess with one baby. What I had begged for. So, He's there. I don't feel we overstepped our bounds. I feel like if it wasn't supposed to be that way, then it just wouldn't work.

I am not trying to be disrespectful to anyone. I totally understand that HT is not for everyone and surely crosses many lines on both a personal and religious level for many.

I am only typing this because you said you would be okay with it and if DH is your only obstacle, maybe you can work on him! FWIW, it is always the wife driving the HT process- doesn't matter if you want a boy or girl- the wife is the one researching, planning, etc and our DH's are just nice enough to go along for the ride. I told my RE at our first visit that I was the one driving this crazy ship and my DH was nice enough to come along for the ride!

[begonia]

NBP thanks a BUNCH for sharing that. The point about if it doesn't take, it wasn't God's plan, might really speak to him and his thoughts on us trying to control a process we shouldn't. I think it is precious how you refer to him as being "handpicked" ... that makes me want to cry. (although, I do cry at a LOT of things lately!) If he does open up to it I will likely have loads of questions for you next year. I really would love to give it a shot if he came around.

[believinginblue]

Hi Nuthinbutpink :)

I am wondering if you can tell me whats involved in the pgd ivf process. i would have to travel to the US to do it so i am wondering how long i would have to stay there to do the cycle etc.? We are seriously considering this.

[nuthinbutpink]

Hi Nuthinbutpink :)

I am wondering if you can tell me whats involved in the pgd ivf process. i would have to travel to the US to do it so i am wondering how long i would have to stay there to do the cycle etc.? We are seriously considering this.

Hi there. So not to completely highjack this lovely thread, I'd encourage you to venture over to the HT forums. There is loads of info there, stickies for women currently cycling so you may follow along with them.

Just ask away over there and you're sure to find help!

[TTC5]

HUGS BEGONIA! My 13 week nub was not promising- so probably joining this thread. I am happy to get DD a sister. In fact, what I always wanted! But, sad for DH. We will have another- probably 2, but feeling like DD3 and DD4 are a reality too. :)

Show us your nub shots! :)

[TTC5]

Begonia, ask him... what is the difference with adopting and picking a son, and going HT and picking a son ;)

[begonia]

Begonia, ask him... what is the difference with adopting and picking a son, and going HT and picking a son ;)

He has a hard time with the creation of embryos we wouldn't ever use. He feels like they would be our kids .... and how could we deny our kids a chance at life? So in his mind better to not create something from our sperm and our egg. I think he'd go for sperm spinning but the % there for boys aren't great.

Honestly at this point I think I've just got to give up on this dream and try to find a way to move forward and enjoy my 3 girls and forget about wanting a son. I am struggling so much; every day it seems like there's some kind of challenge, either seeing a cute baby boy at preschool or trying to buy clothes for DD2 and seeing boys layette and knowing I can't have that. It just sucks. I said it on another thread but I just wish I had never even heard of swaying, once I heard of it I had to try it, but I wish I never felt like this was something that I could impact. Because since I did try to impact it I'm left feeling like I failed. Like this baby is a reminder of my being inadequate in some way. I know I ought to leave my sway up for others to see as a "what not to do" but I'm thinking of deleting it, because I keep re-reading it myself trying to figure out what I did wrong. I thought it was so fun to BD on my birthday to TTC my DG; I guess I should have waited until a "boy" month? I thought getting that BFP was so fun since I knew we got pg on my birthday and now I just feel like it was a big mistake and I want a do-over. I need to start thinking of this baby as my birthday present :) Not that I'll ever tell her that, I mean how mortifying to know you were conceived on your mom's birthday, LOL.

Anyhow, I hate where I am emotionally. This little baby is a person who has no doubt great things ahead of her, and here I sit moping that she doesn't have a penis! If I wasn't so sad I'd find it funny. GD is just such a sucky thing to have.

[LolaInLove]

Begonia, I swear that everything you write here I would be writing if I was in your position. And first off, let me say that I am not being gracious to you or anyone here (and I don't mean that in a bad way!)....our lives are what they are, each one of us individually, and everyone's struggle is significant. Just because we can't conceive doesn't mean I don't feel everyone's issues also, and I totally know how you feel. Like I said, I would feel the exact same way. There is joy, and there is guilt. I also sometimes hate that I found out about swaying because here I am, over a year later, looking like a different person and FEELING like a different person, too. Maybe we would have just ttc and maybe without the loads of supps, it would have worked sooner, maybe maybe maybe. But, like NBP was saying about God being a part of all of our plans and actions, I think there is a reason I found out about it. I think this whole process has made me HUMBLE, and made me grateful for what I have and not to ever expect that things will turn out the way that I think they will. I have to appreciate life for the crazy journey that it is. In fact, this is my favorite quote- it's on a beautiful card that I keep square on my fridge like a shrine:

I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language...don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer...
(rainer maria rilke)

I love this thread because I think it is going to heal you. I don't think it will be anything any of us have to say in particular, but it will be because you have an outlet to vent your true feelings, which are 1000% legitimate and normal in every way.

The day to day struggles are hard. I have them too. I have all sorts of feelings about my situation, and sometimes some about my husband that I wish I didn't have where I resent him for being the problem. I get a big lump in my throat when I see a baby, a pregnant lady, hear about my girl's soon to be half-sister, my other million friends with babies that were easily conceived. But I just HAVE to believe that there is a purpose in all of this. I will become stronger, my marriage with DH will become solid as a rock, and we will find a light at the end of the tunnel someday. I think you will get there also, love....don't hate where you are, try to accept that it is totally normal and believe that you will get over it soon.

Regarding HT, love what NBP wrote also, that handpicked part choked me up also. She is right, God enabled her to go through that journey to handpick her son herself, but He had handpicked him long ago, just like he did your sweet little DD3. I think you and DH should just take a step away from worrying about #4 now.....enjoy where you are if you can. Put the adoption/HT/microsort/will we have another stuff in back corner in your mind for a while if you can, and then you can talk about it another day when you have your 3 kids running around and it's time to address it. I know, easier said than done, but that may help. You need to not only try to find a peaceful spot right now, but enjoy this as well. I also know it might help to have that "safety net" of another one, and it being guaranteed a boy, and if that helps you and he agrees to go along with that, that is wonderful. If not, just set it aside for a while. Big hugs, B......

XXOO

[gizmo77]

yes i agree, put away #4 for now and go thru your emotions of GD. you have to "mourn" in order to heal..at least that how i see it. ifyou dont face it, it ll come back. that works for me..closure.

and please dont harp on i should have done this, i should have done thats...you did what was supposed to happen. you did it the right way. i highly doubt a 'boy month' would have changed things. many boys are conceived in 'girl months' and vice versa. this is just how it was supposed to happen. for a reason. for the precious healthy girl that will enter your lives and start tearing up your house.

i feel for you even tho i havent gone thru it B, we are all here for you, as well as your new daughter. she cant wait to meet you.

[melon]

Begiona and Lola - This thread almost brings tears in my eyes.... you both are so open and true to your expressions. Thanks everyone who contributed to this discussion......so relevant to most of us as everyone of us have a reason to be on this site.....

[TTC5]

It will be hard I won't lie :(

Only thing that makes it easier to cope with is time. I'm here for an inbox anytime you need someone to chat to xx

[begonia]

Begonia, I swear that everything you write here I would be writing if I was in your position. Thank you so much for that Lola.

I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language...don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer...
(rainer maria rilke)

I love this thread because I think it is going to heal you. I don't think it will be anything any of us have to say in particular, but it will be because you have an outlet to vent your true feelings, which are 1000% legitimate and normal in every way.

But I just HAVE to believe that there is a purpose in all of this. I will become stronger, my marriage with DH will become solid as a rock, and we will find a light at the end of the tunnel someday. I think you will get there also, love....don't hate where you are, try to accept that it is totally normal and believe that you will get over it soon.


XXOO

I love that quote. I'm going to have to write it down and re-read it a BUNCH. Quotes help me; so does putting on some of my favorite music and just singing loudly in my car with my girls :) Luckily most of my faves don't have explicit lyrics...

And I love what you wrote and I bolded. I think it's wise. I do really, truly believe that I will get through this JUST FINE. I believe I am going to cherish this next girl as much as I cherish the other two. I also do believe I will probably always long for a son. But I can live with that longing, I think. We are putting off the decision about 4 until we have 3 and live with 3. I'm not sure I can see myself (or our family, this isn't just about me, I have to remember!) with 4 kids; I honestly think for us it might be better to live with the longing for a son than live with raising 4 kids.

Hugs to you too, I can't imagine how tough some of the moments in the day are on you as well. I think there's nothing wrong or abnormal with the emotional reaction to resenting your DH re: the sperm thing. I know I have had moments where I look at my DH and wonder WTH he can't give me some Y sperm. So I imagine in your situation yes, I'd definitely be having moments where it would be hard not to just "blame" him and get upset. But, and I'm sure you're in a similar boat.... I love him to bits. He didn't do this to disappoint me. He would change it for me if he could. And I am SURE your DH would as well. So it's hard to carry the resentment too far there, thank goodness.

[begonia]

yes i agree, put away #4 for now and go thru your emotions of GD. you have to "mourn" in order to heal..at least that how i see it. ifyou dont face it, it ll come back. that works for me..closure.

and please dont harp on i should have done this, i should have done thats...you did what was supposed to happen. you did it the right way. i highly doubt a 'boy month' would have changed things. many boys are conceived in 'girl months' and vice versa. this is just how it was supposed to happen. for a reason. for the precious healthy girl that will enter your lives and start tearing up your house.

i feel for you even tho i havent gone thru it B, we are all here for you, as well as your new daughter. she cant wait to meet you.

Thank you Gizmo :) If DD3 is anything like DD2, yes, my house will be in shambles in no time, LOL! I know I can't harp on the timing etc (esp given that what's done is done!) but, as I was talking with my bestie today, it's SO hard when you DO feel like you control it. Having been a OHW every time, I FEEL like this is MY choice, when I get pg, KWIM? She (also a OHW, but with boys) reminded me that while I might *think* it's my "pick" as to when I get pg, it isn't. I'm religious, and she was kind enough to beat back into my head that this isn't about ME. God planned this baby long before I did. And if God hadn't felt the timing was right, well, I would've gotten a BFN. And if God felt this baby should be a girl, then no amount of baking soda or V8 or nuts for breakfast could have changed that.

So I need to get over it. I have a hard time feeling like I don't have a "perfect" family b/c I don't have one of each... or 3 boys like I thought I wanted. I have a hard time knowing the family name for my DH will die out. I have a hard time feeling like making girls somehow makes me less of a success, or means I'm somehow weak. I can't lie that all of those are things I struggle with. That people will somehow find it pitiful that we have all these girls and no sons, that my DH is somehow less of a man. The funny thing is, all those SK blog posts about TW psychology had me thinking we'd for sure have a son ... we're tall, we're successful, our fields were very analytical, etc. I was sure the only thing I was doing "wrong" was my diet. Eh. It is what it is. Clearly we're meant to have girls and I'm sure one day we'll know why.

Today is a better day for me though. I'm so thankful for all of you, I really, really am. I agree with what Lola said about this thread bringing healing. I hope I'm not the only one finding it to be so helpful, dreamblue, thanks for chiming in, too! Ha. That rhymed :)

[SpicyTunaSushi]

Thank you Gizmo :) If DD3 is anything like DD2, yes, my house will be in shambles in no time, LOL! I know I can't harp on the timing etc (esp given that what's done is done!) but, as I was talking with my bestie today, it's SO hard when you DO feel like you control it. Having been a OHW every time, I FEEL like this is MY choice, when I get pg, KWIM? She (also a OHW, but with boys) reminded me that while I might *think* it's my "pick" as to when I get pg, it isn't. I'm religious, and she was kind enough to beat back into my head that this isn't about ME. God planned this baby long before I did. And if God hadn't felt the timing was right, well, I would've gotten a BFN. And if God felt this baby should be a girl, then no amount of baking soda or V8 or nuts for breakfast could have changed that.

So I need to get over it. I have a hard time feeling like I don't have a "perfect" family b/c I don't have one of each... or 3 boys like I thought I wanted. I have a hard time knowing the family name for my DH will die out. I have a hard time feeling like making girls somehow makes me less of a success, or means I'm somehow weak. I can't lie that all of those are things I struggle with. That people will somehow find it pitiful that we have all these girls and no sons, that my DH is somehow less of a man. The funny thing is, all those SK blog posts about TW psychology had me thinking we'd for sure have a son ... we're tall, we're successful, our fields were very analytical, etc. I was sure the only thing I was doing "wrong" was my diet. Eh. It is what it is. Clearly we're meant to have girls and I'm sure one day we'll know why.

Today is a better day for me though. I'm so thankful for all of you, I really, really am. I agree with what Lola said about this thread bringing healing. I hope I'm not the only one finding it to be so helpful, dreamblue, thanks for chiming in, too! Ha. That rhymed :)

B-

BOLD is exactly what I feel. It is God's choice, he is sovereign- and he is good! He desires good for all of us, even if it means suffering (think of Job).

Underline is also why I feel like I need to have a boy. It really isn't about what I want, but how I want others to perceive me. But like I said, I can't allow that to rule my life.

[SpicyTunaSushi]

And if you knew my husband- he is 100% man. Most muscular (naturally) among his brothers, very smart, successful, athletic, etc. I, other than my diet for TW's sake, am a pretty dominant female too. But for some reason, I always think of Martha Stewart. She would totally would fit the TW personality profile- but has 2 dds. And no one is feeling sorry for her, I promise. :)

[gizmo77]

whats OHW?

[SpicyTunaSushi]

ONE HIT WONDER :)

[gizmo77]

i feel exactly like youguys, if i dont have a son, im unsuccessful, weak. or my husband isnt man enough.
I also feel like God has plans and has planned all this. with my stomach problems lately, so close to attempt, ive been telling my dh that maybe its Gods way of telling me im not meant for a son and/or this surely isnt the way to do it.

in the end, i hope im happy.

[LolaInLove]

B-


Underline is also why I feel like I need to have a boy. It really isn't about what I want, but how I want others to perceive me. But like I said, I can't allow that to rule my life.

YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT HERE. What ruins people's lives is worrying too much about what others think and spending your life living outside of yourself in that manner rather than actually LIVING YOUR LIFE.

If people think we are weak or our DH's aren't "manly" enough to make girls, then it is a shame that they are so shallow and close-minded, and well, retarded, in my opinion, and I could not care LESS because I know my girls are the bomb-diggety and people should only hope to have children as wonderful as mine are! (And ALL of our children are this wonderful, you guys know what I mean!) I have known several families in my life with 3 or more all girls, and those girls were super awesome. I don't know, this whole process, this whole journey has really changed my perspective, I'll tell ya. I don't even see gender anymore....I see PEOPLE.

[LolaInLove]

i feel exactly like youguys, if i dont have a son, im unsuccessful, weak. or my husband isnt man enough.
I also feel like God has plans and has planned all this. with my stomach problems lately, so close to attempt, ive been telling my dh that maybe its Gods way of telling me im not meant for a son and/or this surely isnt the way to do it.

in the end, i hope im happy.

It is also important to keep in mind that your DH can't control how many X or Y sperm he has....he likely has a nice 50/50 split, and the winner of the race is the winner, plain and simple. Don't let this CHAUVINISTIC society influence and poison your feelings about your children or you DH or his balls or for pete's sake, your ability as a woman to bear "good" children. Our kids may have vaginas, but DAMMIT, they can rule this world if they wanted to just like any man out there. They may never be linebackers (well, I hope not for their sake!), but they can be the President, they can be an Olympic athlete, they can be the next Steve Jobs.....they can do anything, and they need us to teach them that.

(I'm just trying to shake my GIRL POWER fist here! I lived with a man -ex-husband- who hated women....information that would have been helpful BEFORE we got married, right???.....and he was mad as hell both times we ended up with girls. He took a liking to DD1 because he thought he could turn her into a tomboy, but when DD2 came along, it was somehow my fault that she was a girl, and he suddenly blamed me for his new life with "all women." I can remember rocking DD2 to sleep in her room, thinking that we were the two in exile there....that he would be happier if we both weren't there. Lucky for me, I made that happen and took both of them with me, of course. Anyway....I digress.....but my point is- we cannot let our daughters suffer from persecution because they are girls, especially coming from US!)

[sunnyebsh]

Hi...I haven't posted on here since announcing my BFP.

I just found out i'm expecting dd3...after swaying & praying. I don't know how to move on...dd2 was a shettles opposite & this one was a hardcore sway & lots of praying & was pregnant during 1st attempt....really really thought this was my boy...but you get what you are given.

[begonia]

B-

BOLD is exactly what I feel. It is God's choice, he is sovereign- and he is good! He desires good for all of us, even if it means suffering (think of Job).

Underline is also why I feel like I need to have a boy. It really isn't about what I want, but how I want others to perceive me. But like I said, I can't allow that to rule my life.

You know Job had 3 daughters too :) And 7 sons ... so a little more balanced there than I'll ever be, LOL. It's so odd to me that I worry so much about other's perception of me/DH when it comes to the gender of our children. By and large in my life I don't fret a bit about what other people have to say about us, but on this issue, for some reason, I care. But I am starting to care less about it, I really am, because while these are MY kids, they do not define ME. Or my DH.

I love that you brought up Martha Stewart, for example ... I also think about the Clinton's. Hillary is no shrinking violet, LOL. Michelle Obama certainly seems to hold her own as well. With biceps like that you'd think she'd be makin' some sons :) And a woman I truly, greatly admire here in our community for all of her outstanding service has three daughters, who she (and her DH) have raised to also be amazing contributors. No one would dare to question her or her husband's strengths. Like you I have always been a fairly dominant female, both in athletic endeavors and my career. As an adult I think this is likely the only "goal" I've had that I haven't "made happen" ... but again, it wasn't ever really up to me, and I need to remember that.

I was thinking earlier tonight about how when DH and I first talked about having kids, before we had them, what we hoped for in raising them, and none of it was about raising an NFL player. It was about raising people who contributed to our society through their God given talents and a servant's heart, who had compassion for others, who were generous with their time and money, who felt loved by us and loved by God. I'm pretty sure that we can accomplish all (well, we sure can try anyhow; they're rather lofty goals!) of our parenting goals with the three daughters we've been blessed with. Tonight I feel good about it. Tonight I feel like it really is going to be OK if we never have a son. Not saying I think I'm over it, but I'm happy to be having one of those times where I feel like it really is going to be OK. Better than OK. It's going to be great :) Yes ... a son would have been fun for us. It would have been different for us. But this isn't really about me and what I want when it comes down to it. It's about this child (and my other lovely DD's!) and I have to remember that. Focus, Begonia, Focus :)

[begonia]

I don't know what's up but I'm having issues with quoting ... but Gizmo, re: trying to figure out what God is telling you ... well I think that is super hard, except sometimes in retrospect, KWIM? If you really want to you can always find a "sign" about the decision you're trying to make. I know the month I got pg I thought it was a "sign" because of getting my +OPK on my birthday, like a gift from God so to speak, as a "this is it! this is your boy!" And it wasn't. It was just a sign I was ovulating, LOL, and it happened to line up with my birthday. My 33rd when I was TTC my 3rd baby. All good things. But she's a girl! But you know ... maybe that was all meant to be anyway. Maybe that was His plan all along, and it was MY plan that was never correct in the first place.

Anyhow I know I ended up making that about me but what I'm trying to say is don't look too hard for a sign/signal/whatever from God. Pray about it. Trust your instinct. If you think the stomach problems will give you something to look back on and say "I should have listened!" then forgo the attempt, I think. I do think you'll end up happy, I really do. I think for most of us GD is VERY real, but also not a lifetime sentence. And girl you may still get your BOY yet!!! FX!

[begonia]

Anyway....I digress.....but my point is- we cannot let our daughters suffer from persecution because they are girls, especially coming from US!)

Amen Lola!

[begonia]

If people think we are weak or our DH's aren't "manly" enough to make girls, then it is a shame that they are so shallow and close-minded, and well, retarded, in my opinion, and I could not care LESS because I know my girls are the bomb-diggety and people should only hope to have children as wonderful as mine are! (And ALL of our children are this wonderful, you guys know what I mean!) I have known several families in my life with 3 or more all girls, and those girls were super awesome. I don't know, this whole process, this whole journey has really changed my perspective, I'll tell ya. I don't even see gender anymore....I see PEOPLE.

I think it's rad that you called your girls the bomb-diggety. Talk about a descriptive phrase in need of making a comeback :) You crack me up. But you're right about the seeing people not gender thing ... it's exactly what I was talking about in an earlier post on this thread tonight. All of our hopes DH and I had for our children can be met by our girls.

[begonia]

Hi...I haven't posted on here since announcing my BFP.

I just found out i'm expecting dd3...after swaying & praying. I don't know how to move on...dd2 was a shettles opposite & this one was a hardcore sway & lots of praying & was pregnant during 1st attempt....really really thought this was my boy...but you get what you are given.

Oh Sunny. I am OBVIOUSLY dealing with what you're dealing with. It is VERY hard to move on, no lie. I have known for about 2 weeks that I have DD3 on board and I am definitely still processing. Good moments and bad moments all day long. It is hard. I too had a hardcore sway, I really, REALLY thought it would work. I knew (and I'm sure you did too) that swaying wasn't a 100%, not even really 80%, but I just had felt for really, all of my life, that I was somehow meant to have a son. When I pictured "my" kids I pictured boys.

But ... as we're all learning ... what we "picture" isn't some kind of crystal ball showing us our future. That little boy of mine with the blonde hair who grows up to be a totally awesome left-handed basketball forward in high school like his daddy? That was never my son. It just wasn't. And even if we had a son he might've liked drama instead of sports. And that would've been Ok, I would've loved him anyhow I'm sure ... but anyhow ... he wasn't real. I have a BFF in real life who truly is grieving the death of her real-life, loved him and had him for 4 short years, son. I keep her in mind often because THAT is real life. I am not in any way saying our pain isn't real. It totally is. It is legitimate. But we do need to bear in mind that this loss we feel is the loss of a dream. It helps me with perspective when I feel like I'm so sad about it I can't breathe. I have 2 gorgeous kids I can physically hold. And they happen to be girls. So what. I thank God they are here and they are healthy and I am so happy I get to have one more. Yes ... I wanted a son. Yes, I wish I was pregnant with him. But I can't spend my time wishing for things all day long or I'll miss all these precious moments NOW.

I hope so much that you can grieve some and move on quickly. It is a process to let go of that dream, it really is, and I encourage you to vent here. This thread and these women have been BEYOND helpful to me. Obviously it would be great if none of us needed it and all our sways worked, but ... that's not reality either. So here we are. And we're going to get through this! Pregnancy hormones DO NOT make this emotional rollercoaster any easier to ride so do try to be gracious with yourself. HUGS to you.

[CapricornAquarius]

[QUOTE=begonia;86866]Oh Sunny. I am OBVIOUSLY dealing with what you're dealing with. It is VERY hard to move on, no lie. I have known for about 2 weeks that I have DD3 on board and I am definitely still processing. Good moments and bad moments all day long. It is hard. I too had a hardcore sway, I really, REALLY thought it would work. I knew (and I'm sure you did too) that swaying wasn't a 100%, not even really 80%, but I just had felt for really, all of my life, that I was somehow meant to have a son. When I pictured "my" kids I pictured boys.

But ... as we're all learning ... what we "picture" isn't some kind of crystal ball showing us our future. That little boy of mine with the blonde hair who grows up to be a totally awesome left-handed basketball forward in high school like his daddy? That was never my son. It just wasn't. And even if we had a son he might've liked drama instead of sports. And that would've been Ok, I would've loved him anyhow I'm sure ... but anyhow ... he wasn't real. I have a BFF in real life who truly is grieving the death of her real-life, loved him and had him for 4 short years, son. I keep her in mind often because THAT is real life. I am not in any way saying our pain isn't real. It totally is. It is legitimate. But we do need to bear in mind that this loss we feel is the loss of a dream. It helps me with perspective when I feel like I'm so sad about it I can't breathe. I have 2 gorgeous kids I can physically hold. And they happen to be girls. So what. I thank God they are here and they are healthy and I am so happy I get to have one more. Yes ... I wanted a son. Yes, I wish I was pregnant with him. But I can't spend my time wishing for things all day long or I'll miss all these precious moments NOW.

I hope so much that you can grieve some and move on quickly. It is a process to let go of that dream, it really is, and I encourage you to vent here. This thread and these women have been BEYOND helpful to me. Obviously it would be great if none of us needed it and all our sways worked, but ... that's not reality either. So here we are. And we're going to get through this! Pregnancy hormones DO NOT make this emotional rollercoaster any easier to ride so do try to be gracious with yourself. HUGS to you.[/QUOTE)

Begonia, well said, you are so right.

Sunny im sorry you feel this way, hope it gets easier for you.
Dd1 :ballerina: Dd2 :giggle:

[TTC5]

Hi...I haven't posted on here since announcing my BFP.

I just found out i'm expecting dd3...after swaying & praying. I don't know how to move on...dd2 was a shettles opposite & this one was a hardcore sway & lots of praying & was pregnant during 1st attempt....really really thought this was my boy...but you get what you are given.

Hi Sunny, big big healing hugs xxxxx

[my5girls]

Helloim new here did a couple of posts on neesing helpttc a boy! I have 5 GIRLS who are 11, 7, 2, 1 & 6months old. With my first two girls theywere unplannes and it did not matter what the gender was. But when we finally planned to have a third child i wanted a boy of course. I found out what i was having and it didnt bother me that much that i was having another daughter. After she was born i knew i wanted another try. I was hoping it would be the gender i wanted. But it was a girl. I was disappointes and sad. I just couldnt wait to have her to try again. Well when she was 3 months old i was pregnant and went for the early ultrasound and it was a girl. All i did was cry! Asking why i couldnt just have one boy i still ask why! I wanted to find out the gender before she.was born because i.felt like if i waited till she was born to hear girl i wouldve had the ost partum.depression
Of coure i was unhappy that she was a girl.and said some things shouldnt but as months past i got over it and asked myself why did i say those things i should b happy that she is healthy and has no medical.problems. when i gave birth i was so happy and excited. I still do want a bot and i am determined to have one. My husband wants a boy but not as badly as i do. He can go on without having a son but unfortunetly i cannot. So we r trying again in january. I just hate how people say oh wow u have 5girls so when r u going to stop having kids cuz ull never get a boy. That just makes me mad. So im hoping my next will b a boy but im so scared that i will b disappointed. But i love all my kids and i love having them i just feel uncomplete with not having a son. I dont know why i feel likethat. But found this site and i realize im not alone.

[gizmo77]

no my5, you are defly not alone. ppl are starting to say that abuout me. it hurts more so when its FAMILY that say it. same here dh doesnt care for a boy as much as me but i dunno i think deep down he does..who knows. lately he s tired o fthe "drama" from y 3yr old and 1.5 yr old so yeah these days he says boy boy boy (not that boys are easier as babies!!). but i hear ya. i hope all our sways work and if not i hope that we become comfortable with what God (or whatever you believe in) has given you. always remmeber (this is what helps me) like you said at least there are no long term diabilities in our kids or at eleast we are able to have kids! good luck!

[my5girls]

Thanks!! Sometimes i do belive that god has given me 5 girls but for what reason andnpurpose is what i want to kno!? Then sometimes i believe its just a fifty fifty chance of being a boy or girl!! Some of my family says ghe same yhing but then others say go for the boy. But im going to do wat feels best for me! Well good luck and i hope ur sway works! What r u doing for ur sway if u dont mind me aski.g? Im new and trying to get a good sway going before january!!

[TTC5]

Helloim new here did a couple of posts on neesing helpttc a boy! I have 5 GIRLS who are 11, 7, 2, 1 & 6months old. With my first two girls theywere unplannes and it did not matter what the gender was. But when we finally planned to have a third child i wanted a boy of course. I found out what i was having and it didnt bother me that much that i was having another daughter. After she was born i knew i wanted another try. I was hoping it would be the gender i wanted. But it was a girl. I was disappointes and sad. I just couldnt wait to have her to try again. Well when she was 3 months old i was pregnant and went for the early ultrasound and it was a girl. All i did was cry! Asking why i couldnt just have one boy i still ask why! I wanted to find out the gender before she.was born because i.felt like if i waited till she was born to hear girl i wouldve had the ost partum.depression
Of coure i was unhappy that she was a girl.and said some things shouldnt but as months past i got over it and asked myself why did i say those things i should b happy that she is healthy and has no medical.problems. when i gave birth i was so happy and excited. I still do want a bot and i am determined to have one. My husband wants a boy but not as badly as i do. He can go on without having a son but unfortunetly i cannot. So we r trying again in january. I just hate how people say oh wow u have 5girls so when r u going to stop having kids cuz ull never get a boy. That just makes me mad. So im hoping my next will b a boy but im so scared that i will b disappointed. But i love all my kids and i love having them i just feel uncomplete with not having a son. I dont know why i feel likethat. But found this site and i realize im not alone.

Definately not alone xx I have 4 girls right now and very well could end up with 5 too!!

[begonia]

5girls, Gizmo ... isn't it interesting how many of us are MUCH more impassioned about TTC boy than our DH's? My DH really won't lose any sleep over having girl #3. He's said sure, he'd love a son, but he doesn't get to pick so why get all worked up about it? He's very happy our kiddos are healthy and that's enough for him. Thank goodness bc I think if both of us had GD it would be really tough. He's been such a great rock and source of perspective for me.

Me, I want a boy. Always have, and probably always will, because I doubt we'll TTC a #4.

[begonia]

Definately not alone xx I have 4 girls right now and very well could end up with 5 too!!

5, I've read several of your birth stories and know you didn't have GD with DD4 ... do you think you would with another DD, if that happened? Or do you think you've made your peace with it? I think I will make my peace with my GD with this 3rd DD but I do think if I did get pg again, the longing for a son would resurface and I'd have to go through healing all over again if I had DD4.

[TTC5]

5, I've read several of your birth stories and know you didn't have GD with DD4 ... do you think you would with another DD, if that happened? Or do you think you've made your peace with it? I think I will make my peace with my GD with this 3rd DD but I do think if I did get pg again, the longing for a son would resurface and I'd have to go through healing all over again if I had DD4.

I will be a bit sad and disappointed for sure but I don't think I will feel how I did the 3rd time around *fingers crossed*. Gosh, I felt awful, so bad I remember thinking and saying things I won't even repeat here because I am so ashamed of myself.

I keep bringing myself and hubby back to reality but saying things such as "If this sway doesn't work, it is one determined girl"... and he laughs along with me.. things like that.

[gizmo77]

Thanks!! Sometimes i do belive that god has given me 5 girls but for what reason andnpurpose is what i want to kno!? Then sometimes i believe its just a fifty fifty chance of being a boy or girl!! Some of my family says ghe same yhing but then others say go for the boy. But im going to do wat feels best for me! Well good luck and i hope ur sway works! What r u doing for ur sway if u dont mind me aski.g? Im new and trying to get a good sway going before january!!

carbs + protein at every meal, eating about every 2- hrs. lots of potassium, salt, BSD af-o, and weight training. im in 2ww so if i get bfp, illpost my sway. its very similar i think to what most ppl are doing here.

[atomic sagebrush]

i feel exactly like youguys, if i dont have a son, im unsuccessful, weak. or my husband isnt man enough.
I also feel like God has plans and has planned all this. with my stomach problems lately, so close to attempt, ive been telling my dh that maybe its Gods way of telling me im not meant for a son and/or this surely isnt the way to do it.

in the end, i hope im happy.

I hope nobody EVER feels like that! It's just not true and if it ever was true, that is a world that no longer exists and I am SO glad to see it go.

There is another scientific theory out there that complements the TW stuff and it is called "the Priviledged Daughter" theory...basically if your body "thinks" your daughter will be socially dominant, strong, and successful, you are more likely to conceive one.

[atomic sagebrush]

I will be a bit sad and disappointed for sure but I don't think I will feel how I did the 3rd time around *fingers crossed*. Gosh, I felt awful, so bad I remember thinking and saying things I won't even repeat here because I am so ashamed of myself.

I keep bringing myself and hubby back to reality but saying things such as "If this sway doesn't work, it is one determined girl"... and he laughs along with me.. things like that.

For some reason, a lot of people find that number 2 and/or 3 are harder than the subsequent kids. It's like something shifts and you just make your peace with it and go on from there. So even if you have extreme GD (which I practically did with DS 3) you can get past it and go onto have a change of heart and even welcome another of the same gender.

[begonia]

I hope nobody EVER feels like that! It's just not true and if it ever was true, that is a world that no longer exists and I am SO glad to see it go.

There is another scientific theory out there that complements the TW stuff and it is called "the Priviledged Daughter" theory...basically if your body "thinks" your daughter will be socially dominant, strong, and successful, you are more likely to conceive one.

I keep reminding myself of that privileged daughter thing whenever I feel particularly low about it. The fact is our girls are certainly kicking off life with circumstances that should allow them to be just that ... dominant, confident, successful women. Granted there's a lot to go between birth and adulthood to get them there, but the odds are in their favor that they will be women to be reckoned with :)

And I appreciate the reply TTC5 and Atomic re: GD as you have more and more of the same gender. I grieved much quicker with DD2 than I have with this one; I think part of it is this one I really, really believed was going to be our son, not just for the sway, but also because my whole life I've thought I'd have a son. But like I said in another post, that wasn't a crystal ball showing me my future. It was just a hope. And I've come a long way in letting that go, what I struggle with more now is just the reality of never having a son. I do think I'd run into that again if we TTC#4 eventually, and until I can get to a place where I genuinely want four kids and NOT just a son ... we shouldn't TTC. If we want 4 but only if it's a boy, then we will probably adopt.

Another thing I also am still struggling with is the whole fertility thing, because darn it we have never had to TTC, other than just BD unprotected. And bam we make a baby. Where I struggle with that is it has made me feel like I/we somehow "control" when we get pregnant, and that I/we somehow should have tried a different month. But there's no going back and I can't change that. It's just one thing that I have a very hard time letting go of ... in a weird way I wish it had taken us a couple of tries, or been an accident, so I at least could've felt like it was luck, not something I actually planned. But then I keep reminding myself that this child (in my mind, at least) was meant to be ours, I do think she was planned by God long before I "planned" her, so ... it doesn't really matter when we TTC. We would have still ended up with her, and I'm completely sure we'll adore her and she'll bring something super special to our family that we need.

But darn it all, I feel like throwing a 2 year old style tantrum about not getting what I wanted, LOL. I'm having a hard time with again this evening bc DH said something today about hoping for a boy, and while I know he'll be happy having DD3, can't deny the many would have loved the chance to be a dad to a son. And I so badly wanted him to have that :(

[TTC5]

Big hugs B.. gosh I wish he knew so you could grieve with him. Seeing him hold hope must be killing you, you are so much stronger than me!!

[love being a mummy]

For some reason, a lot of people find that number 2 and/or 3 are harder than the subsequent kids. It's like something shifts and you just make your peace with it and go on from there. So even if you have extreme GD (which I practically did with DS 3) you can get past it and go onto have a change of heart and even welcome another of the same gender.

I agree with this.
I have G B G G G. When I found out #4 was a girl I was very upset and disappointed, and when I found out #5 was a girl I was upset but I accepted it more.
But I've never swayed before.
I'm worried if I do sway and still get a girl I might blame myself for not swaying good enough.

[begonia]

For some reason, a lot of people find that number 2 and/or 3 are harder than the subsequent kids. It's like something shifts and you just make your peace with it and go on from there. So even if you have extreme GD (which I practically did with DS 3) you can get past it and go onto have a change of heart and even welcome another of the same gender.

Oh how I hope this is me. I wonder though did you ever want boys to begin with? Because I never even would have picked ONE girl and now I will have 3, and I don't know how to get over that. Today I am so miserable about having 3 daughters that I could barely breathe at one point. I took my girls to a H'ween party and saw a family with 3 girls and it almost made me physically sick and I am sure most people thought they were precious (and they were), all dressed alike, but I couldn't stand the thought that that will be MY family makeup. Today, I regret getting pregnant at all. Today I wish I had just been happy with 2 kids and not ever wanted a third; I was OK with 2 girls. Three girls? It has made me sometimes even look at the 2 daughters I have, who I couldn't possibly love more than I do, with a detachment that I can't understand. Today I honestly have a hard time understanding why some people even want ONE girl. Today I'm REALLY mad at God...today is definitely one of my worst GD days ever, it has been since the moment I got up, and I don't know why.

But I keep telling myself I can get through today and it'll get better. This won't last forever. But TODAY has just flat out sucked. I wish I hadn't of swayed because for me, it really got my hopes up ... I knew it wasn't near 100% but I wanted to believe so badly that I would have a son that I DID believe it. And that has made this all the harder to bear.

I kinda think as much as I want to see so many people here through their TTC and pregnancies I just need to quit coming. I keep thinking that but it has been hard to commit because I do feel so connected and supported and encouraged here, but also ... it's just HARD to come here and see other people who still have a shot at their dream, and mine's OVER. Today is a bad day but I've had so many good ones that I know it'll be OK in the long run. All the best to everyone :kiss:

[DoulaMama]

I am so sorry B:( Know that we are thinking about you and sending GD healing vibes to you, Hun. :HH: lots of love during this hard time. Do what you need to do~ xoxo

[TTC5]

Wish I could reach through and give you a real hug, B.
You will survive this and come out the other end just fine, I promise. For now, take each day as it comes and if that means crying to the heavens and back and feeling angry so be it. Your allowed to!

[Plum3]

You brought tears to my eyes B. I hope that your pain will ease and each day will get better. Thinking of you xx

[Foxy]

Begonia - I'm so sorry you are having a rough time with GD. Sending you lots of gentle hugs.

[love being a mummy]

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this :( Very big hugs to you.
Can I ask why you didn't want any girls?
Before I had children I never really had a thought of what I wanted. I just knew I wanted to be a mum. I always have.
I thought that I would never be able to get pregnant cause I wanted it to so much.
I have 4 girls now and 1 boy and I like it, if i had to choose. I would prefer 4 girls over 4boys. I just picture it when they are all teenagers and I think girls will be better then boys for some reason. I just don't know how I would deal with 4 teen boys fighting and punch ups etc. I also feel that when I become a grandmother I feel more comfortable being involved with my daughters pregnancies and babies. I do hope that my Daughter in law would let me be a part of it all but there is something special about a mother daughter bond when she becomes a mother herself. Hope that makes sense.

[nuthinbutpink]

I keep reminding myself of that privileged daughter thing whenever I feel particularly low about it. The fact is our girls are certainly kicking off life with circumstances that should allow them to be just that ... dominant, confident, successful women. Granted there's a lot to go between birth and adulthood to get them there, but the odds are in their favor that they will be women to be reckoned with :)

And I appreciate the reply TTC5 and Atomic re: GD as you have more and more of the same gender. I grieved much quicker with DD2 than I have with this one; I think part of it is this one I really, really believed was going to be our son, not just for the sway, but also because my whole life I've thought I'd have a son. But like I said in another post, that wasn't a crystal ball showing me my future. It was just a hope. And I've come a long way in letting that go, what I struggle with more now is just the reality of never having a son. I do think I'd run into that again if we TTC#4 eventually, and until I can get to a place where I genuinely want four kids and NOT just a son ... we shouldn't TTC. If we want 4 but only if it's a boy, then we will probably adopt.

Another thing I also am still struggling with is the whole fertility thing, because darn it we have never had to TTC, other than just BD unprotected. And bam we make a baby. Where I struggle with that is it has made me feel like I/we somehow "control" when we get pregnant, and that I/we somehow should have tried a different month. But there's no going back and I can't change that. It's just one thing that I have a very hard time letting go of ... in a weird way I wish it had taken us a couple of tries, or been an accident, so I at least could've felt like it was luck, not something I actually planned. But then I keep reminding myself that this child (in my mind, at least) was meant to be ours, I do think she was planned by God long before I "planned" her, so ... it doesn't really matter when we TTC. We would have still ended up with her, and I'm completely sure we'll adore her and she'll bring something super special to our family that we need.

But darn it all, I feel like throwing a 2 year old style tantrum about not getting what I wanted, LOL. I'm having a hard time with again this evening bc DH said something today about hoping for a boy, and while I know he'll be happy having DD3, can't deny the many would have loved the chance to be a dad to a son. And I so badly wanted him to have that :(

I think this is way harder on you because your DH doesn't know. Way harder because he talks about having a boy and you don't have your partner to lean on right now and this would fall under the better or worse category. So, on top of your own feeling and emotions, you have his to worry about too. That is a lot to take on.

I read somewhere on this thread about it meaning your DH is not manly if they have only girls- something to that effect. I understand that statement. I NEVER believed that about my DH but I absolutely thought outsiders would be thinking that. He wasn't man enough to have a son. Of course, I have come to learn that that is ridiculous and worrying about what anyone outside us thinks is ridiculous too.

My DH said something to me once that really stuck when I was fretting over what someone else thought of something about our family- he said nobody gives a $hit about us and our family dynamics. People only care about themselves. And it's really true. I think a big part of GD is all of the worrying about what others think of our family, what others might assume or being saying about us and nobody really cares about anyone but themselves, worries about anyone but themselves at the end of the day. Of course we "care" for one another but I mean really get so involved you think about them too much caring type caring.

I had read your post before taking my eldest daughter to basketball practice this morning and all your posts really hit home with me as a mom of 3 DDs. I KNOW your pain and I have lived it so I know where you are right now and it is really hard. The comments, the stupid things people say, so I know where you are right now and it is so hard to see past right now when you are in that moment.

Anyway, walking into practice, the early group was leaving the gym(K-2nd grade girls) and the doors to the gym open and out comes these large strapping dads(some play professional sports) out with their little DDs. It was precious. These big guys with these little girls in their jerseys just having finished practice. I thought of you. I thought if you could just "see" what I see, see a few years down the road, see all of the possibilities that lie ahead for you, your DH and your DDs, I hope you would begin to smile.

I promise, PROMISE, it gets better. Take time to grieve what you did not get this time- you deserve that and you should not dismiss your feelings either. But once you start to get past it, and you will, I hope you are able to go forward with those 3 girls and make them 3 strong women. I think in this day and age, being a woman is so powerful and I can't wait to see all of the opportunities available to them when they are adults.

I really think you should explore HT if you can. I am so glad you are posting your feelings because this is why I wanted to make sure there was still a place to discuss all of this and I know from experience that you need an outlet to vent. If you are not going to let DH in on it, you need to keep posting or I would find a therapist to help you process your feelings and see your way through this.

Let us help you. We all understand. I wish I could take away your pain but your DD will fill a piece of the puzzle in your family. She will. I also recommend getting a copy of Heaven is For Real- It's a great read.

[Flava]

I hope nobody EVER feels like that! It's just not true and if it ever was true, that is a world that no longer exists and I am SO glad to see it go.

There is another scientific theory out there that complements the TW stuff and it is called "the Priviledged Daughter" theory...basically if your body "thinks" your daughter will be socially dominant, strong, and successful, you are more likely to conceive one.

I don't know but my girls are not like this for sure. Or at least not yet! So I really hope I don't get any more "privileged daughters"!lol

[Flava]

begonia-Im sorry you feel so sad!XX I had the same thing big bad GD with DD3 because i also believed she is a boy for sure.
It was a lot easier with DD4 somehow. No big GD at all.

See maybe you remember I said we just don't know how would we feel until after we find out what is it. Because I said I only want a boy and ppl where telling me not to ttc and take a break if I can't be ok with another girl.
Well it's not like that! You just can't tell how would you feel!

I hope this will get easier for you soon! I know it is hard! Look at me I got 4 girls!! But you will love this baby too only it's hard to imagine things now , but it is easier after she is born and there is a real life baby to hold.
hugs

[begonia]

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this :( Very big hugs to you.
Can I ask why you didn't want any girls?
Before I had children I never really had a thought of what I wanted. I just knew I wanted to be a mum. I always have.
I thought that I would never be able to get pregnant cause I wanted it to so much.
I have 4 girls now and 1 boy and I like it, if i had to choose. I would prefer 4 girls over 4boys. I just picture it when they are all teenagers and I think girls will be better then boys for some reason. I just don't know how I would deal with 4 teen boys fighting and punch ups etc. I also feel that when I become a grandmother I feel more comfortable being involved with my daughters pregnancies and babies. I do hope that my Daughter in law would let me be a part of it all but there is something special about a mother daughter bond when she becomes a mother herself. Hope that makes sense.

Thank you for your perspective on it LBAM! My reasons are many, LOL ... most of them due to my mom and my childhood, her relationship with her mom and her sisters, etc. And of course, the dreaded middle school/high school girl drama ... that I now get to go through 3x, all over again, except it'll be even more painful because I have to watch my beloved daughters endure it. Ugh. It's enough to *almost* make me homeschool. Oh and heavens, I can say 100% I could have lived a happy life not having to buy tampons in bulk, or getting training bras, or navigating girls swimwear that is designed to make 10 year olds look like 22 year olds ... I mean honestly, I feel like the minefields of raising daughters are everywhere. Not right this minute, but in the years to come. Right now I have sweet kiddos. And they might remain sweet, but even if they do ... the world around them will definitely steal that innocence. I don't think my brother had near the number of issues I had to deal with. And man, at least ONE of our kids could have gotten the dreaded "your changing body" and "birds and bees" discussions from their dad if we had a boy. Now I get THAT three times too. Blah.

Anyhow, I love my girls right now (and will in the future obviously), and at this age I don't see a ton of difference in raising boys/girls. But from about age 12-22?!? I think raising girls will be 1000 times harder. Just my perspective though. Maybe I'm just not seeing the hard parts of raising boys; I'm sure there are some there as well, I just feel overwhelmed with all I see ahead of my girls.

[begonia]

begonia-Im sorry you feel so sad!XX I had the same thing big bad GD with DD3 because i also believed she is a boy for sure.
It was a lot easier with DD4 somehow. No big GD at all.

See maybe you remember I said we just don't know how would we feel until after we find out what is it. Because I said I only want a boy and ppl where telling me not to ttc and take a break if I can't be ok with another girl.
Well it's not like that! You just can't tell how would you feel!

I hope this will get easier for you soon! I know it is hard! Look at me I got 4 girls!! But you will love this baby too only it's hard to imagine things now , but it is easier after she is born and there is a real life baby to hold.
hugs

You're for sure right on that Flava. Never would have ever thought I'd feel this bad. I do know I'll love this baby, I am sure I'll be thrilled with her. But I'm just terrified of raising THREE daughters, mostly for all the reasons I said above. I felt like boys would be easier in so many ways.

I need to check on the thread and see how your attempt is ... can't recall what DPO you are now but know you tried last week. FX for you!

[begonia]

NBP I appreciate so much how much time/thought you've put into talking through this with me; I know you've been there and it helps so much to hear your perspective. Your posts definitely help. DH did find out with me today. He's great; grinned ear to ear and started laughing, because really, he finds the fact that we're "3 for 3" as he puts it pretty funny. He's excited.

But also still fully aware of how upset I am. He said maybe we're just supposed to have a 4th, but I feel like God's said no to me on this prayer 3 times, so maybe I should take the hint. I have read Heaven is For Real; really is amazing. I guess in some ways it made me feel even more like this baby was out of my control anyway, which is a good thing since I keep blaming myself for trying in June instead of waiting til fall. But why God wants us to have three girls when my heart so desperately wanted boys?!?! That I don't know. I guess one day I will. I appreciate having 3 healthy pregnancies and children and am grateful for it, you know? It's not like I don't see the blessing that is when I'm surrounded my friends who can't say the same, either infertility, or terminally ill kids ... I'm totally aware that 3 healthy babies is a win. Which makes the GD even harder to bear because I'm so annoyed with myself for not being able to be like my DH, and just loving that we get another kiddo. And I know I don't have to explain it to women here because you get it, but I flat-out ADORE my girls. I love them to pieces. I will love this next one too. But for all those reasons I listed in response to why I didn't want daughters ... I'm not looking forward to raising them through all those times that girls go through. We'll get through it. But it won't be easy. And I'll have to go through it 3 times now instead of just two.

I worry about going HT because I guess I'm concerned that it won't make having 3 daughters any easier for me, KWIM? I don't know if that would help my GD or hurt it; if having him would make me wish I'd had more boys, or if I'd compare my girls to him, etc. I just don't know. I hate thinking that we will never have a son, but I also can't picture myself raising 4 children.

Anyhow ... now I'm in a weird place because I know, DH knows, but I haven't told any friends yet. I feel embarrassed that we're going to be an all girl family. I need to get to a place where when people say something like "I'm sorry you didn't get your boy" I can reply with "I'm thrilled to have a third daughter" and mean it. Because right now I would probably say "Me too" and dissolve into tears.

Thanks again to everyone here; I know I've said it but I genuinely appreciate all the support and encouragement. I hope one day I can come back and encourage someone else who is having GD over having daughters.

[Flava]

begonia- im 6dpo and not feeling it at all. I just really think bfn this time. We are done for sure no more ttc for me.
I guess I also have to take that hint what your DH said about the gender...we tried for that boy so long now and got 6 losses and 2 girls. So yeah I better wake up.

[TTC5]

Did you tell hubby, Begonia?

There is nothing to be embarrassed about, you wait and see when people see 3 gorgeous girls all lined up they will be in AWE! I get it alot, people always comment on how beautiful "our girls" are! Be proud hunny, and hey if you want to reply with "me too" do it, and have a good cry!!!!

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh how I hope this is me. I wonder though did you ever want boys to begin with? Because I never even would have picked ONE girl and now I will have 3, and I don't know how to get over that. Today I am so miserable about having 3 daughters that I could barely breathe at one point. I took my girls to a H'ween party and saw a family with 3 girls and it almost made me physically sick and I am sure most people thought they were precious (and they were), all dressed alike, but I couldn't stand the thought that that will be MY family makeup. Today, I regret getting pregnant at all. Today I wish I had just been happy with 2 kids and not ever wanted a third; I was OK with 2 girls. Three girls? It has made me sometimes even look at the 2 daughters I have, who I couldn't possibly love more than I do, with a detachment that I can't understand. Today I honestly have a hard time understanding why some people even want ONE girl. Today I'm REALLY mad at God...today is definitely one of my worst GD days ever, it has been since the moment I got up, and I don't know why.

But I keep telling myself I can get through today and it'll get better. This won't last forever. But TODAY has just flat out sucked. I wish I hadn't of swayed because for me, it really got my hopes up ... I knew it wasn't near 100% but I wanted to believe so badly that I would have a son that I DID believe it. And that has made this all the harder to bear.

I kinda think as much as I want to see so many people here through their TTC and pregnancies I just need to quit coming. I keep thinking that but it has been hard to commit because I do feel so connected and supported and encouraged here, but also ... it's just HARD to come here and see other people who still have a shot at their dream, and mine's OVER. Today is a bad day but I've had so many good ones that I know it'll be OK in the long run. All the best to everyone :kiss:

Honestly, I did want both boys and girls, actually wanted a boy for DS 1 and got him, and I feel very blessed to have the experience of pregnancy/birth without having the specter of gender disappointment hanging over my head. I have nothing but love and sympathy for everyone who has a strong gender pref. from the first child and do not have their dreams come true. Huge ((((hugs)))).

Let me tell you though, I do know of one woman in particular who had a strong, strong preference for boys from the beginning and did not want any girls, and she did overcome her GD to find peace - her name is Tamara and I think a lot of you know her. ;) She had very severe GD and has overcome that and she did so before she conceived her son.

Also, I know of a dozen or more women from IG who ONLY wanted girls and would be green with envy over an all girl family. So don't assume anyone is pitying you at all or feel embarrassed, because a LOT of people would freely choose to have the family that you have.

[gizmo77]

Honestly, I did want both boys and girls, actually wanted a boy for DS 1 and got him, and I feel very blessed to have the experience of pregnancy/birth without having the specter of gender disappointment hanging over my head. I have nothing but love and sympathy for everyone who has a strong gender pref. from the first child and do not have their dreams come true. Huge ((((hugs)))).

Let me tell you though, I do know of one woman in particular who had a strong, strong preference for boys from the beginning and did not want any girls, and she did overcome her GD to find peace - her name is Tamara and I think a lot of you know her. ;) She had very severe GD and has overcome that and she did so before she conceived her son.

Also, I know of a dozen or more women from IG who ONLY wanted girls and would be green with envy over an all girl family. So don't assume anyone is pitying you at all or feel embarrassed, because a LOT of people would freely choose to have the family that you have.

i HAVE to ask, did she get her boy eating rice krispies and coffee creamer? ;-)

[atomic sagebrush]

i HAVE to ask, did she get her boy eating rice krispies and coffee creamer? ;-)

Probably! She also took soy LOL!!! :) That baby was meant to be!

[TTC5]

And she ate chips for breakfast too ;)

[Flava]

Well it's easy to get over your GD when you get what you want after all. I remember tamara posted once she had a dream her DD2 was lost and she was looking for her, find her and got her home safe. And only after this dream she really got over her GD about DD2. And she already had her boy at that time or just know it was a boy Im not sure.But Im sure she said this.

I don't have GD right now but I wish to have a boy and if I get DD5 im sure I will have some GD...Im always thinking not to ttc...like it's not to late to stop yet.

[LolaInLove]

Also, I know of a dozen or more women from IG who ONLY wanted girls and would be green with envy over an all girl family. So don't assume anyone is pitying you at all or feel embarrassed, because a LOT of people would freely choose to have the family that you have.

This is SO true!

And not to be the debbie downer again, but I have to say again: when you don't know if you will ever have ANY baby again, you gain a new perspective on the gender thing. I used to feel like I wouldn't know how I would feel if I had a 3rd girl, and now, I would take a 3rd girl in a skinny minute. I would take twin girls. I totally know how you ladies feel, I just want to say that I hope everyone who suffers from some GD is able to step away from that sometimes and say, "You know what? I am F'ING lucky."

[TTC5]

So true, Lola!

Flava, I will have GD for sure if it is another girl.

[LolaInLove]

And by the way, so don't mean that to be snarky or anything....I just hope my perspective from not being able to get pg helps others deal with the gd.

[TTC5]

No it does put things in to perspective!

[love being a mummy]

Everyone who is able to have children should feel very very lucky, it's a great blessing.
My brother and SIL were trying for about 5 years and gave up. Then after 3 attempts on clomid they were able to conceive. Sadly my nephew was still born at 24 weeks. It made me feel so guilty about my fertility and healthy babies.

[LolaInLove]

Everyone who is able to have children should feel very very lucky, it's a great blessing.
My brother and SIL were trying for about 5 years and gave up. Then after 3 attempts on clomid they were able to conceive. Sadly my nephew was still born at 24 weeks. It made me feel so guilty about my fertility and healthy babies.

Fertility and easy conception is a GREAT blessing, it really is. I took mine for granted when I had my 2 girls back in my 20s, when I was with my ex-husband. But now, going through this for nearly a year and a half, I can tell you that it is HELL. It is soul destroying, because you cannot escape the myriad of friends and pregnant women everywhere....and suppressing the desire for a baby is damn near impossible. I am thankful that I am to a secure point where I am genuinely happy for my friends (both cyber and IRL) who are having babies, so it is not a constant world of envy. But none of you guys should feel guilty for your fertility, just thankful! And that perspective and gratefulness will hopefully benefit those who happen to get an opposite. I guess that is just my wish for you all, my cyber pals.

[atomic sagebrush]

(((Hugs))) Lola.

[LolaInLove]

(((Hugs))) Lola.

Thanks, mama! :kiss:

[Super Mom of 6 Girls]

This is a great thread! I have 6 girls. I have never had gender disappointment though i would love to have at least one boy. NBP said some great stuff about raising girls that i totally agree with. We raise our girls to be strong and independant. They all play soccer and softball.

I am trying to sway boy for our next one but honestly i have this gut feeling i am destined to only have girls. I am ok with that though. I really just feel blessed to be able to have children so easily. They say it takes a special person to raise a daughter. So i must be REALLY SUPER SPECIAL! LOL!

Sent from my DROID4 using Tapatalk 2

[zebaniee]

Hi everyone

I am a new member. I am a mother to two beautiful girls.

I tried to boy sway with my second child, but it was not meant to be.

My partner and I have decided to have a third attempt at having a boy and I am madly swaying so crossed fingers!

I had gender disappointment with my second child, to the point that I thought I should talk to a counsellor. I am terrified that my next child with be another girl. I love my girls with all my heart, but this is not what I pictured.

Here is hoping that I managed to sway the odds in my favour this time :)

[xxxx]

Hi everyone

I am a new member. I am a mother to two beautiful girls.

I tried to boy sway with my second child, but it was not meant to be.

My partner and I have decided to have a third attempt at having a boy and I am madly swaying so crossed fingers!

I had gender disappointment with my second child, to the point that I thought I should talk to a counsellor. I am terrified that my next child with be another girl. I love my girls with all my heart, but this is not what I pictured.

Here is hoping that I managed to sway the odds in my favour this time :)


Hello Zebaniee, I give you my sis plenty blue dust this time. Infact this goes to every one on this forum. Hope you have a great sway this time. Have you ever wondered if you are affected by those ions, biors, moon phases/signs? I have often read on IG where people have fantastic sway but these things mess everythn up. Not everyone is affected by them though. But you can look up your previous kids and see if you are affected or not. HTH

[TTC5]

Hi everyone

I am a new member. I am a mother to two beautiful girls.

I tried to boy sway with my second child, but it was not meant to be.

My partner and I have decided to have a third attempt at having a boy and I am madly swaying so crossed fingers!

I had gender disappointment with my second child, to the point that I thought I should talk to a counsellor. I am terrified that my next child with be another girl. I love my girls with all my heart, but this is not what I pictured.

Here is hoping that I managed to sway the odds in my favour this time :)

Good luck!

[Cdbaby84]

Wow, I'd just like to thank everyone for this thread. DH and I plan to have a large family so we know we have a few shots at having a son. I do want daughters as well as sons, but I fear that if I don't have that little boy, I will face gender disappointment.

This thread has been helpful to me as well because I've recently faced some other disappointment in my life and I've been pretty much raging about that, thinking, this is not how my life was supposed to turn out! But perspective is everything and hopefully if I face GD I will be better prepared to grieve and move on in a healthy way.

I can't thank everyone enough for being so candid. Hugs to all.

[Mummy-P]

I am also mummy to 2 beautiful daughters and swayed blue with my second daughter only to suffer great gender disappointment at my 20 week scan.
I walked out of the hospital on the day of my scan and burst into tears and couldn't stop crying all evening. I was so convinced that as I had swayed we would have a boy this time and had built myself and my hubby's hopes up so much, we were so devastated when we found out it was another girl. Up until the birth I kept wondering if the ultrasound technician had got it wrong and kept googling 'incorrect gender predictions at ultrasounds'!!!
My daughters are beautiful and precious little girls and I felt so guilty at what I had felt when DD2 was born; I felt other ppl around me had all hoped she had been a boy too ("its always nice to have one of each") and I cried to my husband afterwards that maybe she would grow up effected by the fact I had not wanted her enough when she was inside me. I think I have tried to compensate for what I felt when I was pregnant with her by showing her all my love and lavishing her with attention now she is here and I can see what a beautiful bundle of joy she really is.
I do feel guilty still that I reacted the way I did when there's ppl out there that can't even have children or have lost a child...but my Gender disappointment and preference is personal to me and I still think that I would act the same way if I went thru it again. I pray to God that He still blesses us with our son and my prayers are to complete our family with a baby boy.
Please send your prayers, love and blue dust our way and good luck to you all trying to sway x

[3littleladies]

I also had huge gender disappointment at my 20wk u/s with my 3rd, I swayed so damn hard for a whole yr before attempting & I still ended up with a girl, but fast forward and she's now 15mths and she's a true blessing, she is my everything.

I still have days where I will see a mother with her little boy, this can make me feel sad:tissue: