Update on me

[essnce629]

I've kind of been off of the boards since having my fibroid and endometrioma surgery back in mid July. Unfortunately, my DH went ahead and got a vasectomy on Friday against my wishes so it looks like my dream of having a daughter won't be coming true. I am devastated and so so sad. I started counseling as soon as he scheduled it because I felt like my life was spiraling out of control. The therapist asked him to postpone the surgery or at least freeze his sperm for my peace of mind. He ended up rescheduling the procedure once (was supposed to be last month) but decided against freezing his sperm because he didn't want to pay for it. We were supposed to start couples therapy last week but he couldn't make it and our first session is this Friday, although it's obviously too late now that the vasectomy is already done. I know it's wishful thinking but I can only hope that I still have a tiny chance in the next 12 weeks or so to get pregnant before his sperm count is down to zero. So reading stories about pregnancies after vasectomy have kept me from completly falling into a deep dark depression. I waffle between being so so angry at him and so so sad.

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[purple]

Sorry essnce :( this must be really hard for you right now. It seems so unfair. I hope you are able to somehow stay positive. Hugs xx.

[GirlieCat]

Essnce, I am so sorry for you. I can't even image being in your situation or how you feel. That is heartbreaking. So sorry.

[Faithinpink]

So sorry Essnce, that is heartbreaking reading this sending you a big hug . Xx
Take care of you !!!

[atomic sagebrush]

Oh my God, essnce, I am so sorry. I kinda feel like kicking him right in the vasectomy right now. :( And I am totally wearing Doc Martens.

I do want to tell you that it is possible for them to go in and get sperm from the testicles but obviously since he's done this, it's not a likely thing - but it is a possible one. A friend of mine ended up doing this.

I don't have any advice for you. This is just one of those times where I'd love to have the magic words to undo what was done but I don't. Just know that we are here for you and are all of us outraged and heartbroken for you. :heart:

[BrightSky]

So sorry to read this essnce, sounds like a tough time for u both, I hope u make it to councilling and it helps. I know it may not be the way you are thinking at the moment, but I also have a friend who became pregnant through ivf and taking sperm directly from the testes as her partner thought he was 'done' having kids. Anything is possible xxx

[netti02]

Oh my......im so sorry for you essnce. I hope the therapy can help somewhat.

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[Pbn3]

Hey just letting you know I sent a pm which I'm assuming you've already gotten 💜

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[trifecta]

I'm so sorry, Essence. That must be so hard. I'll be thinking of you.

[Pink Pony]

Thinking of you Essance xx

[MrsGoodies]

Omg Essence!

I dont know how you are even holding things together right now. For him to go and do that knowing how desperately you want a daughter seems so selfish and quite frankly....cruel.

I know if it was me I'd be skipping the couple counselling and hi tailing it over to the divorce attorney bc my marriage would be over! I really dont know what your dh was thinking other than "forcing your hand" and only thinking of himself...and if he has that little respect for your feelings and isnt even willing to show up for counselling....really...whats the point? Why are you staying with him?

Because of the kids?
Because of finances?
Because other than sneaking off to get a V and crushing any chance of having a dd with him in he future he's really a nice guy?

My dh threatened a V once....and I say ONCE bc after i told him what i am about to tell you he never mentioned it again.

In a calm voice and very matter of factly I said,

"you don't want any more children and I have to respect that. i cannot force you to father a child you do not want ...likewise you cannot tell ME how many children I can and cannot have. I want a DD with all of my heart soul & mind. I want to try for her as soon as possible, preferably with YOU because I love you and the family we've made together....but if not with you then I will go to a SPERM BANK and use another mans seed. Because I will get her or die trying.... So you think on it and make your choice and I will make mine"

BOOM! He stood there, mouth open and couldnt believe it. In that moment he realized how serious I was about ttc a dd. i think he was in shock. But in the end he decided he'd rather have a wife and dd than an ex-wife and no dd.

I suppose you need to decide which is more important to you...a dd or your dh. For me, men are a dime a dozen but children...my own flesh & blood are not. Your dh could still get his V reversed and if it is done in the first year has very good success rates.

In fact, I would bring it up at couples counselling....how he hurt you and betrayed your trust by getting this V and not even saving any sperm... I'd tell him how disappointed I was for not being able to ttc a little girl with him and then say matter of factly, "well, if you won't consider an immediate Vasectomy reversal, I guess I will be scheduling my appointment at the sperm bank afterall" and then calmly get up and leave. let him chew on it for awhile.

I pray for you to have peace, wisdom and clear mindedness in this extremely troublesome time. (Hugs)

[momamia4]

Essnce, I'm so sorry this has happened. I wish there was something I could say to make everything better. I have heard of women getting pregnant after vasectomy. I think the latest one was 6 months after. I hope that you'll get a lucky sperm that makes it through. Sending a great big hug to you!! <3

[Beau82]

Oh I'm so so sorry. I would be devastated.
To give you a little hope, my cousin's husband had to have a second V as the first "didn't take". And a friend of mine got pregnant after her husband's V (5 or 6 months later, he had faith and never went back for a sperm count) b/c it also didn't take. So I really hope your husband's doctor messed up somehow!