My story - a complete honest account

[Pbn3]

I am writing this as a farewell as such, for awhile or forever I don't know. I'm not even sure why I'm doing it. Maybe someone will read it and think 'that's me!' and it may be of some small help. Maybe I'm doing it for selfish reasons, I carry so much guilt and maybe this is my 'coming clean'? and you are the unfortunate people having to read it.

I'll start with today. Today I went and seen my local gp as for a long time now have been suffering from 'bouts' of depression. The bouts would usually last for 2-3 days and then I would feel normal again, back in charge and ready to face the world again with an almost superlike power. The bouts were occurring every 2-3 weeks but recently more often and now twice this past week. I have uncontrollable crying, thoughts of how much better my family would be without me, my husband could find a normal, awesome mother for our kids and live a happy life. My kids are young enough that they will forget me within a few weeks and my husband will find a normal women and have a happy, normal marriage. I have also been turning to alcohol daily, not just a glass but a bottle pretty much a day. At this point I cant even remember my last alcohol free day, its been over a week for sure. Even while consuming so much alcohol I've been able to pass off as normal in between my bouts and even start a running program etc in order to try and get healthier (what a joke). I think I started drinking so much because it made me 'feel' better and normal in the evenings. So back to today, I seen my gp and I've been put on anti depressants and have an appointment with a psychologist in approx 8 weeks.

This obviously means my ttc after waiting so long after my last miscarriage is on hold, possibly permanently. I was on my second day of clomid when this last bout hit (2 days ago) that's how close I was to ttc again!!!! But I think deep down I knew I could never try because of the alcohol abuse and hence this last bout literally brought me to my knees.

The good news is, alcohol is not recommended with these anti depressants so when I start them tomorrow the drinking will stop. I'm hopeful that by feeling 'normal' again I wont feel the need to turn to it.

I've been planning a third baby since October 2014, well pretty much since my second son was born in May that year and the whole ttc process has literally consumed me since. At times I've been obsessive to the point of a little cray cray and I'm sure this has worked against me for the entire time. After 8 cycles of actively ttc (initially swaying pink, then just trying to get pregnant) I got my bfp in december 2015. I was so ecstatic but for such a short time, I had an early miscarriage at 4w6d. This was devastating, like so many before me I never ever dreamed this would happen to me. Shortly after I had some fertility testing done which told me I have poor fertility, BUT I could still get pregnant and that was the main thing.

One clomid cycle and an unmedicated cycle later and giving up and finding that blissful inner peace with what I had in life (whether it was real or not I'll never know) I fell pregnant on a not ttc cyle. It was one bd and at that stage it had been a long time that I dtd for the hell of it. I called it my 'miracle baby'. Because that's exactly what it was to me. I was so sure it was a sign that this was meant to be. I was so ridiculously happy. We had a family reunion planned and I announced to everyone early because I just knew this was it. A week before the reunion I had a scan at my obs office and there was no longer a heartbeat. I had to book a scan in the city that our reunion was in for confirmation that my baby had passed. On our first family gathering at the reunion my brother and his gf announced they were expecting. No warning or heads up, nothing and by that time everyone knew I'd lost mine. I acted very happy for them and of course I was but it hurt, more than I could ever describe. My miscarriage started two days later, the day of my scan and I opted for a medically managed miscarriage. It didn't go well, three weeks later and back home thankfully I had a d&c. To me I think I caused it. My heart and mind just couldn't accept I had lost my miracle baby and therefore my body could not let go. To top everything off, my brothers gf left him and had a late termination and I think this is what has undone me completely. Especially as they are telling people she 'lost' the baby. I said a few things to my brother about her, fully supportive of him (he was against it) but he hasn't spoken to me since and my heart is even more broken.

The ironic thing is, I dislike drama and avoid it as much as possible yet I feel my life this year has been a d grade soap opera and I'm front and centre of it.

To those in the 2ww threads I've participated in lately for support I apologise for my false sense of happiness, I truly felt happy at the time of posting but this depression was always in the background. I wish each and every one of you happiness and success at achieving your bfp. I cant keep coming on here though, I need to get better and staring at ultrasound pics and bfps is not a good idea right now. I think I'm deluding myself thinking I'll be missed hahaha!!

There's a very good chance that the anti depressants and therapy will work wonders and I may still achieve my dream of a third baby a few months away but for now my focus will be trying to live with the fact that I won't and I'm hoping the therapy will help with that. I want to be the mum and wife that my family deserve. That is my main goal right now. So farewell (for now or forever) and thank you to anyone who reads xxoo

Quick special thank you to Magical, Twointow and pinkin, love you girls xxoo

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[purple]

Pbn I'm really sorry to hear that you have been going through this and feeling so bad all this time. It sounds like you have a good plan in place and I wish you all the very best trying to get better.

Just remember you are the best mother for your boys and they need you. You might think you can be easily replaced but not to them, they love you unconditionally.

We will miss you too but please make sure you focus on yourself before you even think about coming back. You are too important to your family even if you don't feel that way at the moment.

Big hugs and take care xxx

[Magical22]

1 day at a time lovely you will get there day by day! Your lovely DH and beautiful boys need you, you have so so much to look forward to in life. It's hard now but I know this time will pass and you will come out stronger on the other end. Take your time have a break and we hope to see you back on here in the near future. [emoji166] You time [emoji166]


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[2xblue]

Pbn, I remember you well. I'm so sorry you are going through this but like purple and magical said your boys and dh needs you. I can't even imagine what you are going through but I'm sure there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Take care of yourself.

[MrsSparkles]

So true that we never know what someone is going through, you have always masked this so well.
I feel honoured that you felt able to have shared your heartache and pain with this community.

You are not replaceable in your children's lives and hearts, please read this if you ever feel like that.
At the time of dark depression, it might not ring true, but keep believing in it somehow.

Having lost a family member recently to bipolar, I always wanted to tell him that it will never stay bad.
There is only one thing for certain....when there is rain, there always follows sun <3

[Pink Pony]

Pbn, I can honestly relate to your feelings. I am also on antidepressants as of this last month. Depression and over thinking is a dark and lonely place.

You have taken the first step to healing. We are both a similar age, I have so much regret in life and constantly wish I could turn back the clock.

I can honestly say I do feel better on the meds. Sending you lots of healing love

[twointow83]

Depression is a beast... particularly when you are down enough to be considering ending it all (BTDT). The most important thing is not us but you and your family. That's what truly matters. I really will miss talking to you all the time... I already do but it's more important that you do what you need to be a healthier you. I'll be waiting when you are ready to reconnect. <3

[GirlieCat]

Pbn3 my heart breaks for you and what you are going through. Thank you for sharing. That took courage and shows you really are ready to be honest with yourself and take control of your recovery. You have been so supportive of me and others and I am thankful to you for that. Your boys and DH need you and love you and you are already being a great mom to recognize your weaknesses and take steps to get back on track. Take care of yourself. I will miss you.

[Babygirlquest]

xx

[XXforhubby]

Huge hugs, sweetie! You are doing the best thing for you and your family! I wish you well, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers!



[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji602], DS3[emoji577][emoji170]
[emoji166]One last pink sway in 2016[emoji166]
My Ovulation Chart (https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

[The Anchor]

Wishing you all the best pbn, huge hugs.

[MeanVeggieGal]

Hi Pbn3,

I know you don't know me well and I'm new to this site/forum. You have been kind and encouraging the little that we've communicated. Your post has touched me.

In 2013 I wanted nothing more than anything to be pregnant. So when the big day arrived and both lines were visible on the hpt I was elated. My DH and I didn't waste time telling our family and friends. Our pregnancy progresses without incident until my 28th week.

At 28 weeks I was stunned to find out our healthy DS no longer had a heartbeat. I then endured the worst 52 hours of my life until I birthed my sleeping son. Words can't describe the agony and bitter feelings I felt. I didn't hold him or look at him. I just wanted to die, then and there!

12 weeks later I became pregnant and cried. Not happy tears. I needed therapy throughout my pregnancy until my happy healthy son was born. I am overprotective of him and the therapy helped. He is almost 2. My daughter is 16.

My daughter kept me going. I am happy to still be alive. I was a mess back then, but this too will pass. Your life is more important than you realize in this moment.

This too will pass. ❤💚💜💙

[atomic sagebrush]

Pbn thank you for being such a help on the site and a friend to everyone. I wish you all the love in the world and just know that so many of us have gone through the dark times and come out on the other side. :heart:

[momamia4]

I sent you a private message

[Complex Emotions]

...thoughts of how much better my family would be without me, my husband could find a normal, awesome mother for our kids and live a happy life. My kids are young enough that they will forget me within a few weeks and my husband will find a normal women and have a happy, normal marriage...

Please remember that no other woman will ever be able to replace you to your sons. You were the one who carried your boys. You were the one who connected to them when they were newborns. You are the one who they've known as their momma throughout their earliest, most formative years. Your presence will always be a large part of who they are, no matter what happens.

If your life were over, no one else on this planet will ever have that same mothering connection to them as what they would have had through you. If you were to die when they're still so young, their whole lives would be so much poorer for that.

You are the one who your husband connects to as the mother of his children.

No one could ever truly replace you.

[Kelbear]

Pbn3 thank you for all your support recently and for being so honest in posting this. It takes a lot of courage to do what you have done and even more courage and strength to seek out help when you need it. Please don't think your family would be better off without you as that could not be further from the truth. You are the world to your boys and no one would ever be able to take your place in their eyes. I hope you can get the help you need to start to climb back out of the dark spot you are in, it is a hard journey but worth the effort. Just take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour or one minute at a time as a day can be too overwhelming. Wishing you all the best and sending hugs

[Serenity]

Hi Pbn3,

I just want you to know that I've been where you are. After that, I also worked with a lot of people who were where you are (in my previous work as a counsellor).

It's not real. All those dark thoughts are nothing but a symptom of depression. You can't prevent them right now, but you can stop believing them. Your life is exactly as it used to be: you are still loved and treasured by your family, just as you always have been. The world is still full of light and beauty, even though your eyes can't see it right now, and your future is lovely, even though your heart can't feel it.

Depression is sometimes caused by too much loss. It's a deep, dark, profound state of grief and pain, but with help the losses can be bourne and the darkness can be overcome.

Every person who has been where you are and decided to live has later come to a place of immense gratitude to themselves for making that choice. You will look into the eyes of your children one day, much sooner than you think possible, and your whole being will glow with the gratefulness of being able to see their faces at that moment.

You may want to think about stopping the alcohol right away, if you're ready: there's a chance that you might impulsively do something that not all of you wants to do while you're under the influence.

Keep reaching out to others, and believe me when I tell you that although this feels insurmountable, that line of thought, too, is not real: depression is very treatable, and you will be yourself again soon. :hug2:

[1moregirl]

Oh Pbn3. I am sooo sorry yuo have been going through such a horrid time and experiencing depression. I don't tell everyone this, but I am telling yuo in case it helps. I have been on antidepressant medicine for maybe 10 years or a bit longer now. I mainly suffer from anxiety, but also depression. In my early 30s I found myself in a physically abusive relationship and, once I got out of that relationship (the last straw was my broken nose), I was at rock bottom. So, I was able to rebuild my life, with the help of antidepressants, therapy and support from family and close friends, and still managed to find a loving husband and have three beautiful babies all whilst taking the medication. Please don't ever give up hope...there is always hope and I am certain yuo have loving family and friends to help yuo along your way. Yuo have also obviously made many close friends just here in GD as well. If you ever need to talk to someone who has been there, please don't hesitate to send me a PM. And I hope that life gets better for soon my dear. Many hugs. Xxxooo

[Pbn3]

Hi I'm back again 😀 and thought I'd update.

Firstly, thank you to each and every one of you that posted messages of support. I really appreciate it and wish I'd had the strength to thank you at the time.

I'm doing great!! The anti depressants (plus zero alcohol until xmas lol) have been a godsend and made me feel like myself again, not this stranger that posted this first message. I still cant believe that was me....

I have had yet another emc at 5w1d just before xmas but I'm ok. Sad because I would have oed right around my 9th wedding anniversary and figured surely this was it but it wasn't to be. I'm ignoring my obs advice about waiting 3 months for what she classified as a chemical pregnancy so will be ttc for the next two cycles with clomid. We had an unprotected bd this cycle at cd11 because I figured I wouldn't o until cd14 or later but low and behold I'm pretty sure I oed cd13 lol. In any case at 9dpo it was a stark bfn as I expected. I know its early but I just cant see me possibly getting a bfp from an early bd.

After talking to dh we are going to continue trying for just two more cycles then I'll let go. I'm already appreciating life so much more with just my two boys so when the time comes I'm hoping acceptance will follow (with help from my therapist lol) and life will move on without the 3rd baby. I still feel envy and sadness (for myself) at seeing pregnant women or newborns but its not as deep anymore and I've learned to just look away lol.

I hope to join the 2ww thread again soon and meet all the new (hopefully no old) ttc'ers 😀

Thank you again for all your wonderful support, this truly is a most wonderful 'family' to be a part of 💜

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[Faithinpink]

:hugs:So nice to see you back pbn3 Xx

[Pbn3]

Thank you fatihinpink how are you going?

Thought I'd better add that my ob did what blood testing she could this latest bfp to rule out any medical problems?? Everything came back ok so we have assume its just poor egg quality. Hoping for that golden one to pop next couple cycles. I had been taking clomid cd3-7 in a few previous cycles (not consecutively) but I've read that taking it that early increases egg numbers but taking later, say cd5-9 improves egg quality? Does anyone know if there's any science to that?

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[dancingdiva88]

Hi pbn3 - apparently that's right about clomid. I always took it days 2-6 to get more eggs rather than quality (was 26 years old when on clomid so not really a quality issue). Later days 5-9 And even 6-10 are for egg quality but typically you only get one egg.

[Pbn3]

Thank you dancingdiva. My ob put me on 3-7 after my ovarian reserve came back low, from memory Jan/feb? last year amh was 1.8 and fsh 28. However I have gotten pregnant 3 times this last 12 months and believe quality rather than quantity is the issue. I was thinking of taking the clomid days 4-8 first cycle then 5-9 the following.....

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[purple]

Good to hear from you PBN and I am glad that you are feeling a lot more positive. Sorry about your recent loss.

I don't know if taking clomid too much later is a good idea for you as you do have earlier ovulation. Perhaps try cd4-8? I'm not sure how much difference it really makes to egg quality. DS1 was conceived with 5-9 clomid but I also had a m/c with another 5-9 cycle. This one was from taking it 4-8.

[Pbn3]

Thanks Purple! And so nice to hear from you! How are you?! How many weeks to go!?

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[purple]

Thanks Purple! And so nice to hear from you! How are you?! How many weeks to go!?

I'm going well thanks :) Only about 9 weeks to go! I still have trouble believing it sometimes!

[Pbn3]

Eeeekk!!! 9 weeks!!! Wow that has flown by! Will have to keep an eye out for a pic of baby girl (if you post one that is, otherwise you could pm me a pic lol 😉)

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[dancingdiva88]

I'm with purple try 4-8 first and then if not successful 5-9.

[Faithinpink]

Doing not too bad Pbn3 thanks . My sway plan has been terrible since my loss in Aug just cant seem to do it right this time around although im back to no meat and have been for the last 3months except a cheat at Christmas time and trying to.keep my blood sugars low ..

We are trying again ,since oct and no luck hopefully soon it happens cause im giving myself 2 more cycles then thats it .
I wish you well Xx
P.s once again really glad to see you back use to love reading your posts

[atomic sagebrush]

waiting 3 months after a chemical is insane advice. No one does that.

I'm so sorry to hear of the chemical.

RE the Clomid, I personally believe that we see vastly superior odds of conception with the 3-7. The idea was that earlier may make more eggs, but 5-9 may make one really good one - but the odds of conception have NOT borne this out. I have seen multiples with both schedules and just feel that we have way more pregnancies with the 3-7. It's totally up to you of course and maybe something worth a try - everyone is different and it may be just the right thing for you, I just can't know of course.

Wishing you the best and sending you tons of pink sticky dust.

[atomic sagebrush]

Thank you dancingdiva. My ob put me on 3-7 after my ovarian reserve came back low, from memory Jan/feb? last year amh was 1.8 and fsh 28. However I have gotten pregnant 3 times this last 12 months and believe quality rather than quantity is the issue. I was thinking of taking the clomid days 4-8 first cycle then 5-9 the following.....

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You know, PB, with that FSH I'd actually have you STOP the Clomid. Are you ovulating on your own anyway (sorry I know I should know this but just want to be sure)

If you are ovulating on your own, drop the Clomid. It may be artificialy inflating your FSH levels and in turn reducing your egg quality.

[Pbn3]

You know, PB, with that FSH I'd actually have you STOP the Clomid. Are you ovulating on your own anyway (sorry I know I should know this but just want to be sure)

If you are ovulating on your own, drop the Clomid. It may be artificialy inflating your FSH levels and in turn reducing your egg quality.
Thanks Atomic and yes I am ovulating on my own, however only the last chemical was with clomid. My first chemical and then following misscarriage were non clomid cycles. I have only done a clomid cycle in March and November last year.

I will stick to the 3-7 after reading your message about much better odds of bfp :)

Just quickly my ob said to start the low dose aspirin and vitd&cal if I tried again. I can understand the low dose aspirin to help with implantation but I'm not sure exactly what benifit vitd&cal has??? I haven't begun taking either again yet, will wait till af starts. The vitd&cal I have is one tablet containing both ingredients, supposed to take two a day as per bottle instructions but I only ever took one...

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[Pbn3]

Doing not too bad Pbn3 thanks . My sway plan has been terrible since my loss in Aug just cant seem to do it right this time around although im back to no meat and have been for the last 3months except a cheat at Christmas time and trying to.keep my blood sugars low ..

We are trying again ,since oct and no luck hopefully soon it happens cause im giving myself 2 more cycles then thats it .
I wish you well Xx
P.s once again really glad to see you back use to love reading your posts
I truly hope you get your bfp and rainbow baby within that 2 cycles :) Have you got a thread running I can follow and keep up to date on you? Are you charting?

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[XXforhubby]

It's so good to hear from you Pbn3! I think you have a great plan!!



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]One Last Pink Sway[emoji166]
https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920/thumb.png
My Ovulation Chart (https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

[Pbn3]

Hi xxforhubby!! I haven't looked around much yet but did check in on you hoping for your bfp announcement! Sorry your ds had to go through surgery but glad he is well on the road to recovery! I see you have a 2-o attempt which is still very possible but like you I've never conceived from that either lol. Here's hoping this cycle changes that! I'm 11dpo and had a stark bfn yesterday so not testing anymore, just waiting for af to come.... fx for us both 😀

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[Boyzmommy]

Hope u r doing better pbn


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[Pbn3]

Wow hi boyzmommy 😀 long time since I've seen your name! Thank you I'm doing great! How old is your baby girl now?!

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[atomic sagebrush]

Well, unless s/he's tested you for clotting factors I'd not do the aspirin personally as it may cause more trouble than it prevents. Totally up to you, I urge you to start off with very low dose and never go more than 5 days a week and wean off it slooowwwly too!

Vit D may help, some thing that lower calcium may contribute to miscarriage but I find the evidence very lame and misleading (and most experts agree with me on that) If you'd like to take it, totally up to you of course!

[Boysboys]

Hi I'm back again 😀 and thought I'd update.

Firstly, thank you to each and every one of you that posted messages of support. I really appreciate it and wish I'd had the strength to thank you at the time.

I'm doing great!! The anti depressants (plus zero alcohol until xmas lol) have been a godsend and made me feel like myself again, not this stranger that posted this first message. I still cant believe that was me....

I have had yet another emc at 5w1d just before xmas but I'm ok. Sad because I would have oed right around my 9th wedding anniversary and figured surely this was it but it wasn't to be. I'm ignoring my obs advice about waiting 3 months for what she classified as a chemical pregnancy so will be ttc for the next two cycles with clomid. We had an unprotected bd this cycle at cd11 because I figured I wouldn't o until cd14 or later but low and behold I'm pretty sure I oed cd13 lol. In any case at 9dpo it was a stark bfn as I expected. I know its early but I just cant see me possibly getting a bfp from an early bd.

After talking to dh we are going to continue trying for just two more cycles then I'll let go. I'm already appreciating life so much more with just my two boys so when the time comes I'm hoping acceptance will follow (with help from my therapist lol) and life will move on without the 3rd baby. I still feel envy and sadness (for myself) at seeing pregnant women or newborns but its not as deep anymore and I've learned to just look away lol.

I hope to join the 2ww thread again soon and meet all the new (hopefully no old) ttc'ers 😀

Thank you again for all your wonderful support, this truly is a most wonderful 'family' to be a part of 💜

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Pbn3, you probably don't even remember me. We were all trying to conceive a girl at the same time. Twointow was with us as well! I just got back on to specifically check on you and let you know I'm praying for you. 💗

[Boysboys]

Oh wow! Forgot that was my signature! Baby girl is now 7 mos old lol

[Pbn3]

Hi boysboys 😀!!! Of course I remember you! So lovely to hear from you and thank you so much for checking on me and the prayers, I really appreciate it 💞 Wow 7 months old already 😮 where did that time go!

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[Foxcubblue]

Hi PBN!!! Haven't been on the forum for a few months but have just read you original and latest messages. So pleased you are feeling much more positive!! I'll be rooting for you these next couple of cycles and checking in for updates!!


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[Pbn3]

Hi foxclubblue!! You ladies are the best 😙 I cant thank you all enough for your messages, feeling very special 💞

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[Boysboys]

Hi boysboys ��!!! Of course I remember you! So lovely to hear from you and thank you so much for checking on me and the prayers, I really appreciate it �� Wow 7 months old already �� where did that time go!

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Yes girl! :( it flies by!!!

34448

34449

Here's my silly little girl!

[Pbn3]

Omg she is divine!!!!!!! 😀😍

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[Pink Pony]

Wooohooo you are back,thought of you often. Hope you are feeling better. I too am still on my journey. I have a good feeling about this cycle for me, hoping I have good news soon.

Best of luck Pbn, don't give up on your dreams xx some struggles are worth fighting for and Anti D's are fabulous at taking that crazy, controlling edge off x :)

[Pbn3]

Hey pinkpony!!!!!!! I was hoping so much you were still here (pregnant of course but still posting) 😀😀😀!!! So tell me where you are at this cycle!! Can you start a thread I can follow/stalk lol!! Are you charting? Omg if you get a bfp while I'm still here (2 cycles) I swear to god I will run around my house screaming my head off fist punching the sky 😂😂 (we have a couple acres though I know my neighbour's will still hear me hahaha)

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[1moregirl]

Hi Pbn. I too am sooo happy to hear from you and see you back on here feeling positive and yourself again. I hope and pray you get your pink BFP VERY soon. AFM, I've almost given up on my ttc journey. Just the thought of even ttc, let alone getting pregnant again, gives me anxiety...but that's ok. I totally get how you feel when seeing other pregnant ladies and babies. It's tough! One of my dearest friends has been pregnant for a while now (due in May) - she has been a great comfort to me since my horrible MC in Aug 2015 - she knew I had been ttc and then she told me she was pregnant and that it had been unplanned as she had been happy and content with the 3 kids she already has. She is 36. It is tough being in our 40s and ttc when yuo have friends in their 30s getting pregnant with ease. Lol! Anyway, sorry for rambling. Great to see you back on track. Xxoo

[Pbn3]

Thank you 1moregirl! I am glad your have had a friend IRL to help you through this. I'm still waiting for af to come following my last chemical, cant believe its taking so long!! Just want to get these next two cycles over and done with (and hopefully get a bfp but I actually think I'll be ok if not :) )

Oh and I'm turning 39 in June lol...

Edited to add: af has just arrived 😀😀

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[Pbn3]

Thought I'd update :) I'm in the 2ww!! Not feeling very confident but you never know. Dh had to work 3 night shifts right at the crucial time so me and the boys went away to nanny's for two nights as we wouldn't have been able to bd anyway.... Not sure if I oed cd14 or 15? My last two attempts were early afternoon between 1-2pm so makes me feel even less confident but anyway we will see :) Here's my chart....
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170131/4e015c3d95bd567d20fc9cdb040c0988.jpg

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[XXforhubby]

Sending you loads of baby dust [emoji597][emoji92][emoji93][emoji94]! You very well could end up pregnant from your attempts. I either conceived this baby from an O-3 or O-2!

FX so hard for you!!



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji1317]for pink[emoji166]
https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920/thumb.png
My Ovulation Chart (https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

[Pbn3]

Thank you xxforhubby!!! Really hoping to join that ddg lol!!

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[GirlieCat]

Your attempt looks like great timing. Good luck pd3- lots of pink dust to you!

[Pbn3]

Thank you girliecat!!

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[Magical22]

Good luck!!!!


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[Pbn3]

Thank you magical 😘

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[purple]

Goodluck pbn!

[Pbn3]

Thank you Purple!!

Here's todays chart not that it says much lol https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170203/ff35d60b630cecf6124886649949bf9c.jpg

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[Pbn3]

Bfn at 11dpo and temp dropping. Af due in two days so onto next cycle :)

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[XXforhubby]

Well, I'm hoping AF stays away! I had a rocky LP too with some low temps still well above the coverline like yours.

FX!!



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji1317]for pink[emoji166]

[Pbn3]

Thank you xxforhubby xxoo

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[Pbn3]

So after giving up ttc last cycle (happily and completely at peace :) ) I have somehow unintentionally fallen pregnant with one random bd the cycle after 😂😂. I worked out we bded cd12 so I've oed early. This is how my second pregnancy was conceived so hoping this one fares better. Wish me luck!!! And thank you all so much for your support ❤❤❤❤https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170506/7647c88f7bd13aef3112e3c19f264067.jpg

[MiaMelb]

So happy for you Pbn. I don't have time to comment in the 2ww thread and it moves so fast it's hard to keep up but I have been stalking for updates the last few days wondering how it was going. Hugest congratulations and I really hope this is a healthy sticky bean for you. Sending you some pink dust to top it off too.

[ksmom]

Oh my gosh Pbn!!! :running: I remember when we were on the TTC boards together! Huge congrats to you!!!! FX for a super sticky bean!! :heart:

[kittendreams]

Congratulations! Wow you just never think it will happen to you but really sometimes you just have to let go and everything falls into place! So very happy for you what a long road you have had andyou deserve this special little miracle xx

[purple]

Congratulations Pbn!! I have my fingers crossed that this will be a sticky one for you. Sending some pink dust to you too!!

[XXforhubby]

I'm hoping and sending lots of sticky bean vibes your way! There is something about this BFP that just *feels* different from the others you have had in the past. I truly believe that this is your rainbow baby coming to join your family. I am beyond happy for you, and I feel that all is now right in the world. I'm looking forward to following the rest of your journey!

(((Huge Hugs)))

[emoji170]8/2010 [emoji170]6/2013 [emoji170]11/2015 [emoji170]
[emoji178]Baby Girl [emoji254]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji178]

https://lmtm.lilypie.com/kIlmm5.png (https://lilypie.com)

[atomic sagebrush]

Huge congrats and sticky dust coming your way!! :)

[kc15880]

:cheer: I am so happy for you PBN! Sending you some sticky dust to help you on your way!

[Pbn3]

Well I've made first base!!! Hcg went from 180 to 460 in 48 hours!!!! Now to reach second base (7 week scan!)

Atomic I wasn't swaying but feel I had a lot of pink factors in any case. Will I fill outa ttc girl sway but make it clear it was a non sway and the pink factors were coincedental?

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[XXforhubby]

I think you should, if and when you feel comfortable. It's these types of sways that really let Atomic know what is really working.

I'm just SO happy for you!!

[emoji170]8/2010 [emoji170]6/2013 [emoji170]11/2015 [emoji170]
[emoji178]Baby Girl [emoji254]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji178]

https://lmtm.lilypie.com/kIlmm5.png (https://lilypie.com)

[Erin514]

Pbn, I'm so happy for you. I don't check the 2ww threads anymore because they get long so fast, but I have been wondering how you were doing. I'm wishing you a happy and healthy nine months!

[Pbn3]

Thought I'd update that bean is still with me at 9 weeks 😀 heartbeat is great and everything is looking good. Nipt being done in 1.5 weeks and should have results by the time my next op appt rolls around in the 6th Julyhttps://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170616/61ecbe6a1cc47332022618786d7509b4.jpg

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