Want to be happy? Have two daughters

[lindz]

Has anyone seen this article before? Want to be happy? have two daughters - Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/8429386/Want-to-be-happy-have-two-daughters.html) It's an older article from 2011. Apparently having two girls is the easiest combination of children. I was hoping to at least read that pigeon pairs had a difficult time, but apparently it's the second easiest combo, figures! I know it really depends on your individual children, but still kind of interesting to see what the overall trend is. Surprised to see that 4 girls is the hardest to deal with. Interested to hear everyone's thoughts on this. My parents had just my twin sister and I, and I think overall they had a pretty easy time. We got along well, had a lot of the same interests, and we were pretty well behaved. I was sad to read that having two boys is a great thing when they're younger, but parents find they often don't confide in them when they're older :(


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[trifecta]

It's hard to say because we all only know our own experiences. I'm glad to see three or four of one sex was viewed more favorably than combinations of the same number of children. There's so much pressure to have both sexes but the world would be a poorer place without all-boy or all-girl families. It's a unique experience of its own!

[Complex Emotions]

This is interesting. There probably are valid generalities here, but overall it must depend way, way more on whatever random combination of specific individuals make-up the family.

Maybe two girls are more often easier for the parents, but I must say that when I was little I struggled so intensely with jealousy in my relationship with my sister. We love each other now, but we are still distant. I dreamt of having a daughter, but I always had the mindset that if my first child were to be a girl, than I would never have another child because I was afraid of mothering a sister-sister relationship.

From what I’ve observed in the people I know, the only-child boys seem to face the most difficulties and struggles as adults, especially in maintaining relationships with other people. I’ve gotten the impression that being an only child is a worse thing for a boy than it is for a girl.

[BrightSky]

This is very interesting, going from the best combo (2 girls) to the worse (4 girls), maybe there's more sibling rivalry with the more girls u have??
I grew up in a pigeon pair and we fought a lot, but also played together a lot. We're not so close now. I was always jealous of my friends with a sister similar age, it looked fun, like a bestie for life.. But that's looking in from the outside, every family is different. Nice to see the boy combos higher up on the list then some of the mixed.

[XXforhubby]

I find this interesting and think that it comes down to individual personalities of children and the kind of relationship fostered by the parents. My dad is one of 3 boys, and they are all super close with each other and my grandparents. They all care for my grandma, and my dad is living with her right now until her Alzheimers medication gets in order.



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[atomic sagebrush]

I think that when we're looking for reasons to be unhappy, they are always out there.

The people who do "research" into stuff like this have their own agendas and let their own personal worldviews affect the results. None of the people who participated in this research had any other knowledge or experience other than their own so I personally think this is a rather nonsensical finding. What they're really saying is that parents of certain gender combinations gave particular replies on a personality inventory. Maybe parents of 2 girls lie more about their happiness LOL. Maybe people with 2 boys "keep it real".

Maybe "winding each other up" may be annoying when kids are small but gives them necessary life skills (this is one of the reasons I love the 2 boy combo - I think they NEED that). I was an only child till I was 11 years old and while I know I was never a speck of trouble for my parents, I really lacked life skills in areas of sticking up for myself and conflict resolution.

I personally think "easiness" is not the way to judge one's success or failure as a parent. All of us would rather have our kids be "difficult" and be better prepared for life, than to be "easy" and live in an attic like Emily Dickinson or something.

My sons confide in me all the time even into adulthood. It's all about the kids themselves and their personalities.

[BrightSky]

Well said atomic!!! My oldest is not the easiest of children (well he is 2 ��) my mum, God love her, says he has 'spark'.. I like to think he will be a bit of a go-getter as an adult if I can nurture it right!!!

[Kittybear]

To be fair, I haven't read the article - I chose not to as I don't need to trigger my GD.

I know my 2 boys are very 'highly spirited', esp. number 1. I also know my husband was/ is EXACTLY the same, and despite/because of this he is still the most awesome person ever I know ;) so if they turn out like him, that is no bad thing.

I know my parents struggle with my 2 boys as I am an only child so their experience was different than mine (mostly I was no trouble - well in my opinion anyway ;) ) but they and I know that I would never have had just 1 child myself as it is now that I REALLY feel the 'hole' where 'my sibling' should be and I genuinely miss them...

It is all down to personal experience with the individual kids and personally, I often don't think these types of articles/ research are worth the paper they are written on! ;) x

[baby2016baby]

Last thing I needed to read pregnant with my fourth girl when I'm having a very hard time coming to terms with it :'(

[nuthinbutpink]

Last thing I needed to read pregnant with my fourth girl when I'm having a very hard time coming to terms with it :'(

No statistic from an old study defines who you are or can tell you what your family dynamic will be. I grew up with a 4 girl family that had a dad that was an old NBA star. They were a wonderful family and are all super close. It does matter how the parents raise the kids. Be present. It matters. The best thing we can do is show up for our kids. The rest, we will figure out as we go but as a mom of 3 daughters, I can tell you that they are all so different and into so many things, I don't feel left out of boy things at all. When you finally move out of the baby phase, the having kids phase and can stop focusing on babies, it helps. It just does. When you are going through it, you think EVERYONE cares or has an opinion on the genders of your kids but they really don't. Nobody really cares about anyone else's family dynamics. You may think they do but they are just dealing with their own.

You will be ok. Your kids will have an awesome childhood and when they are adults, there are four of them to surround themselves with family when you and your husband are gone one day. THAT is an accomplishment and a gift.

[Artisam]

This 'research' was a survey by bounty afaik. They make money the more babies we have so this survey is right up their street to make everyone question their family combinations! These are also the people under fire for their behaviour on maternity wards- they visit soon after labour and take photos of your new born which you can then buy. I can't actually believe they ranked the combinations! All families are a result of culture, values, genetics and experiences. If you have not read the article, please don't waste your time on it.


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[atomic sagebrush]

No statistic from an old study defines who you are or can tell you what your family dynamic will be. I grew up with a 4 girl family that had a dad that was an old NBA star. They were a wonderful family and are all super close. It does matter how the parents raise the kids. Be present. It matters. The best thing we can do is show up for our kids. The rest, we will figure out as we go but as a mom of 3 daughters, I can tell you that they are all so different and into so many things, I don't feel left out of boy things at all. When you finally move out of the baby phase, the having kids phase and can stop focusing on babies, it helps. It just does. When you are going through it, you think EVERYONE cares or has an opinion on the genders of your kids but they really don't. Nobody really cares about anyone else's family dynamics. You may think they do but they are just dealing with their own.

You will be ok. Your kids will have an awesome childhood and when they are adults, there are four of them to surround themselves with family when you and your husband are gone one day. THAT is an accomplishment and a gift.

One of the finest families I know is comprised of 6 of the most amazing young ladies I've ever met. Every one of the girls is just a super awesome and special person. They're all unique and different. One of them is a soldier, another is a psychologist, a teacher, a mom - every one of them very special ladies. :heart:

I remember life before GD and I never gave one iota of thought or energy to anyone's family makeup, other than thinking that the more unusual combos like 4 boys or 4 girls were really cool and interesting.

[BrightSky]

This is very true, before GD I couldn't have cared less what peoples families were

[Claire33]

Articles like this can really make you depressed. I think the most important thing is to invest in the relationship with all our kids, no matter which gender and no matter how many you have. Only this way will we stand a chance to have a great relationship with them later on in life (and now). Shower your kids with love, time, understanding, fun and hugs. After that, we have to leave it to fate...

[lindz]

I don't think anyone would change their family's makeup at the end of the day. Ya they might have it more difficult than others, but there can also be more happiness there. My husband grew up in a family of 6, and he loved it. So much going on all the time, and he feels that big families have more fun. I was annoyed when I read the title of the article that 2 girls is the combo that makes you the most happy. Apparently having one boy already takes you out of the running of being happier than an all girl family. One of my friends has two daughters, but her husband kinda sucks. She does pretty much all of the work around the house and does everything for their girls. Even if her daughters end up being angels compared to my son and the one on the way, I still have it way easier because I have my husband's help and support

[atomic sagebrush]

I think that you have to just take it with a very big grain of salt. Just because some stupid "survey" - because this is not a study, it's a psychological survey - says somebody claims to be "happier" than someone else - well, they don't have our lives and haven't lived our lives and so not they nor anyone else knows if they are "happier" than us or not, and beyond that, that anyone's happiness has squat to do with the gender of their babies or not. Seriously, even after having suffered with GD - I can tell you that my overall level of unhappiness in my own life has sooooo much more to do with other things like health, money, husband-related issues, dealing with our extended families, jobs, TV shows I like or don't, cute clothes, delicious noms, heck, even the weather sometimes LOL.

I really think that when you're in it ("it" being GD) you forget that there's all this other stuff going on in the world and in your life, and it colors everything. But seriously, my kids' gender is a drop in the bucket in terms of things that make or have made me happy or sad over the course of my life. And if you (and I don't mean YOU, lindz, I mean "a person") are in such a position in your life that having a baby of a certain gender is literally the saddest, worst, thing that ever happened to you, then really, you're kinda lucky - if that makes sense. I don't mean this to take away from anyone's GD experience, just trying to put it into perspective that the idea that anyone's level of happiness is contingent on them having 2 boys vs. 2 girls or some other arbitrary combo of children's genders - that person is spoiled just about rotten because that means everything else in their lives has to be going pretty dang good for them to put that down as the thing on which their happiness is riding on.