Tibb
November 16th, 2016, 01:01 PM
I have 2 girls, 7 and 3 years old. Now they are getting old enough to enjoy each other s company. It warms my heart to see that they love each other. I come from a family of three girls, and I know how how big a gift sisters are, but i come from an asian family, and not having a boy is still considered as a failure. My husband had a big wish for a boy both times, he was disappointed, I could see that. But now he seems content, and love them sooo much.
We started talking about another baby a year ago, i was convinced that he would say yes if I wished for it. I ordered that blue sway plan, and bought every possible vitamin needed for the sway. but he said no. I promised that I would not pressure him into it, and that i would never bring it up again if we would give it one last thought. He told me that he did not want more kids, I know that he is "afraid" of having another girl, and that would feel like big failure to have a third daughter. If he knew it would be a boy, he would certainly go for it. This was 2-3 months ago, and i convinced myself that I was OK with it. But now, I feel the longing for another child in my heart. I just can not let it go. My sister is expecting her third child, a few friends are also expecting their third. And I feel that I cant be happy for them, I feel like a horrible person. I envy them:( I have a couple of friends that had a boy after two girls and vise versa, and when I look at the pictures of their children, I feel.....I dont know what it is, envy, sadness, sorrow, longing? I can not be happy for any one, i just keep thinking why not me, why could I not have everything I wanted, they did!
I love my children, but every time i see someone pregnant, baby clothes, anything, I feel the sorrow. I believe in one god, and that what is chosen for me is the best for me, or may be I dont? May be I am not as firm in my belief that I like to think?
I just want to get rid of this feeling, I want to be content, I want to stop longing for something that I will never have, I will never have a son, I will never have a son!
We started talking about another baby a year ago, i was convinced that he would say yes if I wished for it. I ordered that blue sway plan, and bought every possible vitamin needed for the sway. but he said no. I promised that I would not pressure him into it, and that i would never bring it up again if we would give it one last thought. He told me that he did not want more kids, I know that he is "afraid" of having another girl, and that would feel like big failure to have a third daughter. If he knew it would be a boy, he would certainly go for it. This was 2-3 months ago, and i convinced myself that I was OK with it. But now, I feel the longing for another child in my heart. I just can not let it go. My sister is expecting her third child, a few friends are also expecting their third. And I feel that I cant be happy for them, I feel like a horrible person. I envy them:( I have a couple of friends that had a boy after two girls and vise versa, and when I look at the pictures of their children, I feel.....I dont know what it is, envy, sadness, sorrow, longing? I can not be happy for any one, i just keep thinking why not me, why could I not have everything I wanted, they did!
I love my children, but every time i see someone pregnant, baby clothes, anything, I feel the sorrow. I believe in one god, and that what is chosen for me is the best for me, or may be I dont? May be I am not as firm in my belief that I like to think?
I just want to get rid of this feeling, I want to be content, I want to stop longing for something that I will never have, I will never have a son, I will never have a son!