Give up dream of 2nd girl at 45?

[3and1]

Hi, I'm relatively new to the site!
Looking for your thoughts on what to do now.

Btw, Thanks for your posts and maintaining this site, just reading your posts And knowing there are others out there who understand really helped while I was pregnant with ds3 and having extreme GD.

So - my situation- we have 3 boys, 8, 5, and ds3 is now 6 wks. Dd is 3. We were both done with having kids after #3 who is DD. But then I wanted a 4th for DD to play with since I saw DD was getting excluded by her 2 brothers. So - lucky "accident" #4, or DS3, is here and DH is ok with it. DH doesn't want any more, esp not girls, since he finds DD the most difficult to deal with, and we both work outside the home.

I love this new 6 wk old baby now that he is here, but I am Still So disappointed I didn't get a 2nd girl that I cannot stop thinking about it. Didn't sway though. Didn't know GD existed or about sways etc until After tech announced 3rd boy at US.

So now I am wondering what to do, esp since I'm already going on 45 - I want to breastfeed Ds3 for a year, but then I'll be 45 by then! I want another girl, but DH doesn't. And, at my age, I realize statistically speaking, I would be really lucky if I can even have any more healthy babies, let alone be choosy over gender. And even if I got lucky and got a 2nd girl soon, the two girls would be at least four or five years apart, so not so ideal for playing together. Argh.

I doubt I could stick to the LE diet. And am afraid what if sway failed and we got yet another boy, I think I would just die, so HT looked good, but at 45, it's highly likely that ivf/pgs will result in No baby at all unless use donor egg, not even sure if doctor would even take me at my age.

And DH is totally not interested in more kids.

Thought of adoption, but DH will never agree to it anyway.

So I am trying to wrap my head around never having a girly house but instead a boy house and am depressed. I really want 2 girls. Should I sway? What if it fails? Will doctors even consider ivf at my age, or only with donor eggs?

TIA!

[nuthinbutpink]

IVF would be an expensive challenge at 45. Donor eggs would be suggested.

Are you prepared for a family of 7? Do you cars fit 7?

If your DH doesn't want 4 and you have 4 and he doesn't want 5 and you have a 5th and it is a son, then what?

Your daughter will be fine. She will never have to compete with a younger version of herself, she will have all the attention and never think she is missing anything. You mention YOU a few times...my guess is your kids are fine and it sounds like your DH is fine as you are.

There's something to be said for enjoying the moment, embracing what you have and living life. I understand having a desire and longing for something(clearly) but you have a daughter. Lots on here do not have that and consider you blessed beyond words right now.

Make sure your kids and DH are ready for a 5th and make sure you are ok with a boy if you decide to sway. In another couple of years, you are going to be pretty busy with kids' activities so make sure you take that into consideration too! I spend my life in the car right now driving my 4 around!

[skillet04]

Re the "boy house".... i know a lady who had 1 girl then 4 boys and once the girl became a tween, she and her daughter started having girl nights out... sounds like a fun tradition ... hope you find lots of girls only things to implement with your daughter and leave the boys home for "guys night in"...& yes make them clean up their mess ;)

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

[trifecta]

I know it's hard but I think you should do what you can to put the dream behind you and savor your newborn. One of my biggest regrets is allowing GD to eat so much of my youngest (last!) child's babyhood. If you were younger I would say wait and see but the end of childbearing comes for everyone. You're not at all alone in that. Just my 2 cents and I know others might disagree but I just want to put it out there that it's not the end of the world to give up on fulfilling a fantasy.

[MrsGoodies]

Congrats on your new baby!

Women are most fertile the 1st year after giving birth, so if you want to ttc, I wouldnt wait but start trying immediately. Plenty of women get pg even before their first period arrives while BF and that usually sways girl.

[atomic sagebrush]

Your odds of successful IVF at 45 with your own eggs is vanishingly small. You'd have much better results with donor eggs but obviously that's not going to happen without DH on board.

Getting pregnant at 45/46 is possible, but very difficult. You were actually quite lucky to have squeaked thru with your last baby without any trouble getting pregnant. Additionally, your risks of losses or high risk pregnancy will be higher. It's not insurmountable and that you just had a baby is a good sign that you are more fertile than most over 40, but it's an uphill climb. Again, this is probably not something that will happen without DH being on board, and it is entirely possible that you'd hit the jackpot on an easy conception, healthy pregnancy and baby, and then have it be a boy anyway.

I'd like to address this from another angle if I may. I have 4 sons and a daughter (who I had at 42) and while I would have loved to have 2 girls, it didn't work out that way and I have chosen to be fine with that. It was a decision that I made and I choose to stay focused on the positives of it rather than the negatives. The positives are to me, that she maintains her "specialness" within the family and does not need to feel she has to compete in a "feminity" contest, many people have poor relationships with sisters anyway and there was never a guarantee that she'd have that, and that she and my relationship is then just that more unique. She and I are the girls, and that is a special thing for us. She's always played just fine with her brothers, it may be that your older boys were just a unit and now the two little ones will be, too. My daughter LOVES babies and would be thrilled to bits to have a baby brother so you may be overthinking that element of it.

In terms of issues of practicality, I personally could not have handled 5 kids and working outside the home (I work from home and my two eldest children are a lot older and no longer live at home). You'd be spread that much thinner, and you'd have less time and money for your kids all together and less time for your daughter specifically. EVen though I did get my daughter in the end, I did end up causing my whole family some financial hardship that we would not have otherwise had and less of my time and financial resources available for my other kids. I wouldn't trade her, of course, but even to this day my older sons struggle to pay for college and there is just less to go around for the children than there would have been had I not pursued a 5th child.

No one ever gets things just the way they hoped for in this world. I think you have a beautiful family and are very fortunate to have a daughter and 3 lovely sons. Things like having a girly house vs. a boy house - rationally I am sure you realize that is a very small thing in the grand scheme and it may be a wiser move to try to make your peace than to follow the dream to the bitter end. :)

[Girlieplease]

Just wanted to give my perspective on this, however, the context is that I have found out on Tuesday that I am expecting my third boy. I have a dd, my eldest and I was so desperate to give her a sister so our situations are some what similar. I am not coping well with the news that we are expecting a third boy, I am hoping this will pass and it is just early days. But at the minute am barely functioning, I am not sleeping much and when I do sleep I wake up in a panic like I have slept in. I go through this every fifteen - twenty minutes from 3 am until 6 am. I have so much anxiety at they minute that I have aches and pains constantly, I have no appetite. I go through the motions of the day and I cry alot. I am also am isolating myself from family and friends, no one bar dh knows I swayed and I cannot talk about it, I have stopped telling people about the pregnancy. I feel so sad.
If I could go back I would not have tried to get pregnant as my dh said you have only kicked the can down the road, my dd still does not a sister and now I have to find some way of coming to terms with that while hormonal and facing the prospective of all the financial implications of having a fourth, we now have to move house, get a bigger car. We were finally at the stage in our life were we were financially secure and had some moneyti enjoy life, the children were all sleeping through the night and DH and I actually got away for one night and we were getting our life back now we are going to be financially burdened with a larger mortgage, expensive car and a newborn in the mix so back to sleepless nights. Also a fourth child means less time for my other three!
I so wish I had thought about the implications if it was a boy and I would urge you to do the same. If you want a girl but would be happy with a baby whatever gender then go for it but if you are not going to be happy with a boy please think very carefully about it.
My husband and I have been so surprised how much thus has impacted on me and I can only think it is because in order for me to commit to the exercise and diet I must if really really believed that it would of worked, more so than I realised myself. I would also urge you to have these discussions in advance of swaying as we only started to discuss this in advance of attempting and by that stage I had been on the diet and exercise so long to quit and get nothing out of it was not an option! Also bear in mind swaying takes alot of time and I found that part of it really stressful and took me away from my family
If I could do things over again I would enjoy my current children and find away of letting go of the idea of dd having a sister and focus on how lucky I was to have a daughter at all. I am trying to do this now, dh and I are trying to understand why having a sister for dd was so important to me and realising it is less to do with dd and some need in me from my early relationships. If I don't find a way to let go of this I am going to make dd have an issue with it, which I don't want to do.

Sorry for the essay and I wish you luck with whatever you decide, there are plenty of success stories on this site and that is reason for you to be hopefully x x

[atomic sagebrush]

(((hugs)))) Girlieplease. :heart:

[sweetdream]

I think I agree with the others.
If you were younger and Your husband would love another baby and you can manage it I'd say go for it!

I have 3 boys and my youngest is a DD.
I would love a sister for her. Yet again. I would have to share my relationship with a both girls (IF I would get another girl)
I don't know how they would get a long.
Now I'm special and I hope we will bond the same as I do with my mother.
Loads off baby's being born around me (lots of sisters from girls) wich makes me sad at times. I don't have a sister neither will my daughter.
On the other hand the times I do miss a sister a not that Often and I'm glad i don't have to share my mother.

If I think off the consequence of another baby. I know I'm done.
I don't want to miss any more of my family. Things are getting easyer now. And the boys need me too.
Another baby would consume me and I wouldn't be able to enjoy each child as much and def not my DD wich I worked so hard for.




Verzonden vanaf mijn iPhone met Tapatalk