Where I'm at and Merry Christmas to my GD mates! :)

[1moregirl]

Hi lovely ladies! Well clearly my last cycle was a BFN. Today I am nearing the end of my MB (monthly bitch...hehehe!) But I'm ok. I really think I am starting to accept that another baby may not happen for me now and I'm actually ok with it. I am almost looking forward to starting some work of some sort next year when my baby settles into 4 yr kinder. I may even do some casual primary school teaching, or just work in a store...not sure yet. But I am motivated to trying some new things. I also plan to start writing the book I've always wanted to write. I'm going to buy a red toy poodle puppy (fur baby) for myself and my kids (not including DH coz he's not really into dogs). I may still have the Hysterescopy in Feb, but not 100% about that one yet. I do intend to keep ttc for maybe the next 6 months and after that, that chapter will be closed. I just get terrified about having another traumatic MC or having a baby with something wrong with it. I plan on going back on the ubiquinol in the New Year and upping it to 400mg. That's it! That's my plan! I am also going to get some counselling in the New Year just to help me come to terms with everything and to learn how I can deal with being around my younger friends who are still getting pregnant and having babies, because that has been the most difficult thing for me to deal with lately. How to accept that my fertility is almost at its end, whilst I have friends who are younger and still having babies and have loads of time ahead to have more. One friend in particular is one of my closest and I have struggled a bit around her lately. She knows everything I have been through since the mc last year and how desperate I was to have one last baby girl (or just a healthy baby). It hurt NO end when she told me she was expecting a baby that her and her DH hadn't even planned...she hadn't been content with the 3 they already had and didn't want any more. Yet here I was desperate for one last one...so yeah that hurt. And people can be unintentionally hurtful, like when I was at the shops with her one day and she started showing me some maternity dresses that she liked. Seriously? Anyway, it's ok. I just wanted to thankyuo for giving me all the support and encouragement that you've given me throughout this year and to wish you all a Merry, magical and safe Christmas with yuor families. I may not be on as much around this time due O being soooo busy, but I will be thinking of yuo all and looking forward to all your updates and sharing my journey with yuo in the New Year. God bless you all. Xxxxoooo

[Pink Pony]

Merry Christmas to you and your family too onemoregirl. Here's hoping that 2017 is a year of dreams and wishes coming true.

[atomic sagebrush]

Merry Christmas to you too, 1more!!

Thank you for being a part of our site and wishing you the very best in all things in 2017.

[1moregirl]

Thanks Pink Pony and Atomic. It's been an absolute pleasure finding this website and making friendships and being able to support and encourage each other. I would've been lost without you all. I'm not sure if 2017 will bring one last baby into my life, but either way I will still be part of this group and following friends and sharing in the ttc journeys of others. I'm not sure if I have the courage to continue ttc or to even be pregnant again at all. It is hard seeing others continue to go back only to endure another loss. Anyway, we'll see. Time will tell. All the best for a wonderful and magical Christmas with your beautiful families. Xxoo

[Kelbear]

Wishing you all the best in 2017 onemoregirl, I hope you get your dream of one more girl/healthy baby. A fur baby for you and your kids sounds like a great idea too. I will be eagerly waiting to hear if you get a bfp in the next 6 months.

[MrsGoodies]

Thanks Pink Pony and Atomic. It's been an absolute pleasure finding this website and making friendships and being able to support and encourage each other. I would've been lost without you all. I'm not sure if 2017 will bring one last baby into my life, but either way I will still be part of this group and following friends and sharing in the ttc journeys of others. I'm not sure if I have the courage to continue ttc or to even be pregnant again at all. It is hard seeing others continue to go back only to endure another loss. Anyway, we'll see. Time will tell. All the best for a wonderful and magical Christmas with your beautiful families. Xxoo

Aw, don't worry 1moregirl!

I honestly believe we have the children we are meant to have and if you still have the desire its because they still need to find you.

Even though I've lost another, i enjoyed being pregnant and gives me comfort that they are resting in heaven waiting for me one day.

I pray you will have a beautiful christmas/NY BFP soon! :pray:

[1moregirl]

Thanks MrsG. I don't know if I will Keep trying any more. I just get soooo wound up around O time each month. It happened even worst this last cycle and on the morning of Boxing Day, when we were having our family Christmas get together, the anxiety got sooo intense that I vomited back up an apple I had forced myself to eat since I'd been too anxious to eat any breakfast. I'm sure it's all down to hormones and perimenopause. I had been worried about the New Year coming and sending my baby off to kindergarten and dreading being in our house on my own without a little one to look after. Anyway, I ended up having to increase my medication slightly, which has appeared to help. I just constantly wish I didn't have to take medication for anxiety. None of my three sisters do, so why do I have to suffer from anxiety. It really sucks. Sooo I just don't know if it's a good idea for me to continue ttc. If I was to get pregnant again, imagine what sort of a nervous wreck I would be. I just don't think I could cope. Plus things haven't been good between my DH and I once again. We seem to have such a tumultuous relationship. Anyway, I do plan to get that counselling soon, and to do some kind of paid work once my littlest starts kinder. It's soooo difficult having been a stay at home Mum for nearly nine years now, and having loved every moment of it, and to be seeing it slowly coming to a close...tough. I hate having my kids going off to school or kinder every day and leaving me. It sounds selfish of me I know, but I can't seem to help it. Anyway, sorry for rambling.