BFP or will it end soon?

[sigrid86]

342393 days ago I took a pregnancy test and it showed a BFP. I was so happy; finally a little hope and some good news to end this terrible year.

Today I checked again to see if hcg was rising enough, but it's not so clear...I'm afraid that the test line isn't thick enough. What do you guys think? Thanks for the reply!



Wishing you all the best for 2017!

[Burakoam]

I know atomic and others will tell you that the lines mean nothing, you need an hcg blood draw to know wether levels are rising accordingly. Keep in mind if those are cheap IRS they are probably also sensitive.. and if they picked up say a reading of 15, at best your level would be 30 just a few days later and the line will not have changed much.. the cheapies also don't always get as dark as some of the other brands.. if you are really worried about it get a blood draw and/or stock up on the clearblue digitals with week estimators because while they don't give you the numbers they will tell you if the hcg is rising as you need certain limits to be in 1-2 and higher to be in 2-3 and 3+

I'm sure everything will turn out okay :) happy and healthy 9 months!

[sigrid86]

Thanks a lot Burakoam! They are indeed cheap IRS; I believe they have a reading of 20.
I'm going to have a blood draw Monday or Tuesday, but I was on holiday until today so didn't have the possibility to do it sooner :( and I ordered a CB test with week estimator yesterday so hoping to test tomorrow.

I really hope it'll work out fine :) thanks a lot!!

[atomic sagebrush]

I answered this in your personal forum but just for anyone else:
Lines on a pregnancy test don't tell you anything. While you never want to see a dark test go from dark to almost negative, the darkness of tests does not progress the way people think of it. At this point it is all about the concentration in your urine and that can vary a lot just by virtue of how hydrated you are. :)

[Burakoam]

My fingers are very crossed for you Sigrid. hope its your rainbow.

[purple]

My line progression didn't really show very well on those cheapie tests when I used them this pregnancy.

Last pregnancy I had perfect progression using FRER tests and then it ended up with a miscarriage anyway. Line progression either way can't always predict how a pregnancy will go so try your best to relax and avoid testing :)

ps. congrats!

[sigrid86]

Thanks a lot purple, that's reassuring! It's just that I also don't have any symptoms (which I had my previous preganancy) so I'm kinda worried. But either way, there's nothing we can do about it so I'm gonna try to relax and have a blood test tomorrow :)

Congrats on your pink pregnancy ;)

[Throwaway_panther]

I thought I'd add that those tests look pretty much identical to me, even with knowing that the darkness of lines doesn't necessarily indicate anything -- I think you might just be stressing yourself out. I know it's hard, but stop POAS! ;P Symptoms can take awhile to start, too, and waver without having any indication on the health of the pregnancy.

Wishing you tremendous good fortune in the new year and with this little one!

[sigrid86]

I thought I'd add that those tests look pretty much identical to me, even with knowing that the darkness of lines doesn't necessarily indicate anything -- I think you might just be stressing yourself out. I know it's hard, but stop POAS! ;P Symptoms can take awhile to start, too, and waver without having any indication on the health of the pregnancy.

Wishing you tremendous good fortune in the new year and with this little one!

Thanks TP :) Indeed, the tests look identical. That's what's worrying me because one should be darker after 3 days...I know I should stop stressing myself out, but I just POAS once again today and the test line was darker than the control line, so I'm more relieved. I also went for a blood draw this morning and will hear the result tomorrow. Hopefully it will reassure me so I won't POAS anymore ;)
I'm starting to feel nauseous, but that's the only thing right now...

Thank you so much TP! I also wish you lots of blue dust for the new year :)

[atomic sagebrush]

No, hta'ts not how they work. They just aren't that sensitive and even if they were, the level of hormone in your urine can vary quite a lot just because of dilution.

[sigrid86]

Ok, a little update: blood draw result from yesterday: hcg value is 2577, which corresponds to a pregnancy of 5-7 weeks. That would be correct (counted from ovulation). I hope it keeps going like this...thanks!

[Throwaway_panther]

Thank you sweetie! And those are fantastic numbers. As atomic said, the lines don't have to get darker. As I've learned the hard way now, you can even get dark lines with a chemical :/ And I was a POAS addict when I first conceived my DD -- literally peed on sticks for TWO more weeks after until my husband cut me off, haha. Those lines varied in darkness constantly -- explanation? Concentration! We're not all drinking the same amount every day, or peeing exactly at the same times the day and night before we test the next morning.

I understand if you feel the need to belabor the issue because it sometimes helps to hear that constant reassurance in uncontrollable times like this. You have great numbers, you're getting nausea, and you're already at the 5-7 weeks range. Take heart because things look good!!

[sigrid86]

Ooh that's so sweet, you're kind words make me get an instant smile on my face :)

You and Atomic were totally right, the lines don't say anything. It's horrible how much you can stress out about something you just can't control. That's maybe the reason why we're more stressed out...I know it has a lot to do with concentration but I never thought that it would make such a difference.

Let's hope we can see something on an US next week. And after that I can stress out about the gender :bigsmile:

Just a personal question for you TP: why did you want a boy so much? I have the feeling that most of us are here for a girl. And I read somewhere else that you preferred a boy for your first child also?

[Burakoam]

Cant answer for panther but coming from a mom of 4 daughters who wanted a boy every time and actively tried the last 2 times...

I had two older brothers growing up, i was always closer to my father, and i had a ton of guy friends and very very few lady friends. every chick friend i end up leaving the friendship in some way or another because i get annoyed etc and so forth. Not to bash my own gender, in my experience i just find alot of other women tend to annoy me. i have at this point an awful relationship with my own mother, and i just dont like alot of the same things other women my age have liked growing up. I like alot of the typical 'guy' things and i have a sense of humor that matches more of a boy personality in my opinion.

growing up i just always saw myself having boys if i ever had children. Man have i had a rude awakening Haha.

[sigrid86]

Cant answer for panther but coming from a mom of 4 daughters who wanted a boy every time and actively tried the last 2 times...

I had two older brothers growing up, i was always closer to my father, and i had a ton of guy friends and very very few lady friends. every chick friend i end up leaving the friendship in some way or another because i get annoyed etc and so forth. Not to bash my own gender, in my experience i just find alot of other women tend to annoy me. i have at this point an awful relationship with my own mother, and i just dont like alot of the same things other women my age have liked growing up. I like alot of the typical 'guy' things and i have a sense of humor that matches more of a boy personality in my opinion.

growing up i just always saw myself having boys if i ever had children. Man have i had a rude awakening Haha.

Thanks for your honest answer :) I can relate to the fact that it's sometimes much easier having a guy friend than a chick friend; girls make things sooo much more complicated than guys do.
I'm sorry that you don't have a good relationship with your mother, that's sad to hear.

I'm also sorry that you didn't get your desired gender :( From what I see here it looks that certain women are really more set to have one specific gender, no matter how good they sway. I suppose you do love your girls with all of your heart? And that not having a son is more a question of missing someone you always imagined to be in your life? Would you try it again, a 5th child?

For me, I always had a good relationship with my mother and my sister. We go shopping together a few times a year and even have the same clothing taste. Also, I looooove girl clothes, I find them so adorable! I already hoped before my first pregnancy that it would be a girl and now after losing her, my wish is almost an obsession now. Before Liv, I didn't sway, I just ate less salt (although that doesn't even sway according to Atomic) and I was really over the moon that I would have a girl. Now when I think of never having a girl, knowing that I 'should have had' my girl, I'm really heartbroken. So I'm crossing my fingers.
And I wish you all the best with your girls. Maybe one of them is just like you, less into girl things? :)

[Burakoam]

Oh i love them all, yes...Im really probably not very maternal if i was honest. Some of that is probably my relationship with my own...some of it is my previous two are from a very unhealthy relationship..im extremely maternal with my current youngest, most ive ever been. My oldest and i are close, she is the most like me. I struggle the most with DD2 who is actually alot like my own mother and extremely hard for me to deal with. She is also the anti-me in every way...extremely girly, loves dress up, princess stuff, tea parties etc so forth..she is also extremely sensitive. I have been known to describe myself in the past as a more sensitive individual but i mean she takes it to whole new extremes...

DD3 is alot like her dad...who i am convinced i will be in love with the rest of my life he is just so amazing. So its really easy to love her i think because of that..and probably why i do so well with her than i ever have with any of my other children. I get along best i think with my 11 year old. I think as they all get older it will be easier...or so i hope lol.

As for the rest...I dont know. I dont think i miss not having him in my life as i dont really know what im missing. I am mournful for my husband and so when there is sadness over the 'loss' of a son its more when i see life through his eyes i guess...he was very vocal about wanting another man in the family, a chance to do better than his father before him, talk about girls/women, guy things that no matter how close he and i are he just cant talk about with me the same way...i am sad picturing things i will never see happen...him holding his son, playing games with him, styling his hair, teaching him to shave, teaching him to drive..all of that stuff. But all from his shoes really not my own. So its weird for me i think...

Aw shucks im a little teary eyed now. So yeah id say thats it.

If hubby were open to a 5th id probably try again. But it would be with high tech, leaving nothing to chance. I do fear id spend the 20k+ on that however only to get eggs fertilized as XX...more of a testament that i can only conceive girls hence why i have all girls..i dont even know, hah. however Hubby is not open to a 5th even with high tech. He has seen my struggles this pregnancy and he fears another pregnancy would kill me and he says nothing is worth that. :kissy:

[atomic sagebrush]

I also really wanted a boy with my first and was happy for my second boy too. I felt that I got along much better with guys as a general rule. ON a deeper level (although I did not realize it at the time) I did not feel very comfortable in my own skin as a younger woman, I was a very homely child and always felt sort of unfeminine. Although I started to come out of my ugly duckling phase at some point by that time I had received the message that I was not good at "girl stuff". I don't think I felt that I had much to offer a little girl. It was only over the course of a long time and maturity that I became more comfortable with the idea of having a daughter. If anything I would have had far worse GD if I had never had a son.

[Burakoam]

Sigrid maybe this is a daughter, maybe it is a son..but i really think you will end up alright either way. I can see why with losing 1 daughter and a good relationship with your mom and sister why you would have an incredibly strong need for a daughter. You wont ever be alone on this site for sure. I do think most studies would say with having one girl conception and if your lifestyle hasnt changed much on top of the still birth you may well be more inclined to girls anyhow..maybe you will have 2 or more even and be surrounded by girls and sisterly love. We just never know until we reach those moments. I wish you lots of love and joy this pregnancy, before i can even begin to wish that it may be another daughter for you. mostly i just hope this baby heals your heart and you are able to see liv in its tiny face and find the smallest shred of peace there.

[Throwaway_panther]

Ooh that's so sweet, you're kind words make me get an instant smile on my face :)

You and Atomic were totally right, the lines don't say anything. It's horrible how much you can stress out about something you just can't control. That's maybe the reason why we're more stressed out...I know it has a lot to do with concentration but I never thought that it would make such a difference.

Let's hope we can see something on an US next week. And after that I can stress out about the gender :bigsmile:

Just a personal question for you TP: why did you want a boy so much? I have the feeling that most of us are here for a girl. And I read somewhere else that you preferred a boy for your first child also?

I haven't read the other responses yet, but my reasons are sort of heavy and complex, haha, but I've alluded to them elsewhere on here.

First and foremost, I wanted a boy because I feared bringing a girl into the world. I have a long, tired road of sexual abuse in my past, including as a child, and I had a lot of anxieties stemming from that -- "I couldn't protect myself, so how I could protect a daughter?" sort of thoughts. I know firsthand what it's like to be paid less, have the law apply to me less, to have my mind and person valued less, to be treated as less than; to be objectified. Now, not wanting a daughter played into my feelings there -- am I hypocrite to so desperately not want a girl, therefore valuing a girl less? But I worked through a lot of those issues in therapy, and that's partially why I was anxious in the first place: having a girl forced me to process a lot of things I hadn't processed yet, including the root of my PTSD.

Coupled with that came the flip side: I want to bring a boy into the world and raise him to be a power for good. Allies are important -- having a man grow up to value women as people, to view them as equal, to stand up against other men when they do the things they've done for millennia? Even on a micro level to just be a good person to any future partner (female or male)? That's heady, and that's something I feel a deep purpose to do.

So those were the big ones: an interplay of anxiety, fear and power and all the sides that come with that. On a baser level, I wanted a boy for myself -- having had all those issues, and even the pain that's come from moments with my husband, I wanted a male that wouldn't hurt me like this. And I know a son can hurt me -- from the physical parts of labor to the reality of children hurting their parents with words or tantrums, I know it. But not sexually, not in a power move stemming from patriarchal superiority; I'd have a boy, and then a man (and ideally more than one) love me without also hurting me in those ways.

And intertwined with that? I'm a ****** boy mom. Boys love me. Little boys have been glomping on to me since I was a 13 year old babysitter. I just have a way with boys (and granted, I do have a way with all children -- I taught for many years because of it). I always yearned for children because of this affinity for kids, but it was always missing the last bit of BEING an actual parent. I've had part of that fulfilled with my daughter, but my son would be the last piece.

There's even more to all of it than this -- and sometimes, at my weakest, just the competitive/ambitious nature where I HAVE to have it all, and I won't rest until I'm satisfied (which is often never) -- but those were the ones definitely taking over my life during my pregnancy.

ETA: I read Buro & atomic's responses, and I did have that element, too (so as you can see, I had a heavily stacked preference for a boy -- or all boys, honestly; I even thought, prior to my first pregnancy, that I'd be okay with a girl eventually, but if I had a boy first I would feel like I could relax and not care with whatever came next. Now, no pregnancy until I have my boy will ever be without anxiety). I felt really, really unlikable as a kid -- part of that stemmed from the abuse from my own family. I had lots of friends that were boys, too, though I've always had some form of female companionship and have really learned that the "girls are harder" or "I don't like girls" is much more an internalized misogyny than an actual issue with women; hell, having a kid period has made me feel much more pro-woman than ever before, haha.

But anyway, outside of those digressions -- because I felt like a very ugly, unlikeable kid and had for a long time thought that's why I was abused for so long, I feared the same happening to my DD. I feared she'd be like me, and in turn have the same things happen to her. It's quite a twist of fate that she ended up being completely opposite of me -- this blue eyed beautiful baby who literally stops foot traffic and who looks nothing like me, haha. She's everything I'm not, and I feel like that was extra helpful in me getting over any GD that might have applied to her.

If I get a son like me, I'd feel differently. Alot of my qualities are also not typically "feminine," outside of my body -- which is where I've gotten a lot of issues too. The women in my husband's family are more athletic, less traditionally feminine bodies, and I'm hoping my daughter doesn't have the same issues with larger breasts and an hourglass figure being a beacon to men as it has been for me. But my ambition, loudness, anger, intelligence -- even my sense of humor -- would all have been more successful in a man, I feel.

[sigrid86]

Oh i love them all, yes...Im really probably not very maternal if i was honest. Some of that is probably my relationship with my own...some of it is my previous two are from a very unhealthy relationship..im extremely maternal with my current youngest, most ive ever been. My oldest and i are close, she is the most like me. I struggle the most with DD2 who is actually alot like my own mother and extremely hard for me to deal with. She is also the anti-me in every way...extremely girly, loves dress up, princess stuff, tea parties etc so forth..she is also extremely sensitive. I have been known to describe myself in the past as a more sensitive individual but i mean she takes it to whole new extremes...

DD3 is alot like her dad...who i am convinced i will be in love with the rest of my life he is just so amazing. So its really easy to love her i think because of that..and probably why i do so well with her than i ever have with any of my other children. I get along best i think with my 11 year old. I think as they all get older it will be easier...or so i hope lol.

As for the rest...I dont know. I dont think i miss not having him in my life as i dont really know what im missing. I am mournful for my husband and so when there is sadness over the 'loss' of a son its more when i see life through his eyes i guess...he was very vocal about wanting another man in the family, a chance to do better than his father before him, talk about girls/women, guy things that no matter how close he and i are he just cant talk about with me the same way...i am sad picturing things i will never see happen...him holding his son, playing games with him, styling his hair, teaching him to shave, teaching him to drive..all of that stuff. But all from his shoes really not my own. So its weird for me i think...

Aw shucks im a little teary eyed now. So yeah id say thats it.

If hubby were open to a 5th id probably try again. But it would be with high tech, leaving nothing to chance. I do fear id spend the 20k+ on that however only to get eggs fertilized as XX...more of a testament that i can only conceive girls hence why i have all girls..i dont even know, hah. however Hubby is not open to a 5th even with high tech. He has seen my struggles this pregnancy and he fears another pregnancy would kill me and he says nothing is worth that. :kissy:

I'm sure you love them! Lol, I love how you speak about DD2 :) I get an image of how she must be like. And I can imagine it's not easy if she's totally the opposite of you.
I'm really glad you found a great man who you love, that's the most important thing!
Do you feel that it's easier when your kids were little or when they reached their teens? I think 11 is still a great age; I would be more scared for 14-18 years old :)

It's true that you don't know what you're missing right now, but I already get a bit jealous when I here people are having a girl and facebook pics of little girls. My feeling is so much different with boys. So for you, it's very much your husband who's sad about not having a son? Who knows your fourth will be a real tomboy :) although I know it's not the same ofcourse. My dad told me he would have liked me to be a boy (I'm the second and last girl) to go see football and play tennis with, but I did all those things with him so he was really glad for that. But ofcourse, I'm not a boy so it's always gonna be different, but in some way it can help if you see some things in your girl that you would like to see in your boy (if you know what I mean :)).
I would also get HT if it was the last chance. But ofcourse, it's so much money. Also that aspect, I find it sad that only people with a lot of money can afford having their preferred gender. I don't think that you would only get XX, that's almost impossible, isn't it? Are you struggling a lot this pregnancy? More than the others? And does he really mean it would kill you or is it meant as a matter of speech? Or do you have a risk being pregnant? Ofcourse nothing is worth putting you at risk. I think you're the only one who can decide if you're capable having another child.

To answer your second message (which was so beautiful - thank you so much):
I just hope I will be alright but I'm already afraid for every ultrasound we will get (once every 2 weeks now luckily). And now I'm also stressing about the gender. I'm hoping I will be like you and just get 2 daughters. I don't really know how I should be a boy mom.
I see that I'm not alone on this site. It's so great and moving how people support you, just like that...so thank you so much, it really makes me feel better :heart:
I changed my lifestyle even a bit more towards a 'girl lifestyle' (became vegetarian and quit breakfast) so I hope this does the trick. I also read in some thread here that feeling sad leans towards girls also, so that's also in my advantage. But you're right, we'll never know until we reach the moment what it will be. And even then we're just not sure if we could hold them in our arms unfortunately. It's something I hate now: you just can't control anything with a pregnancy and I hope I never have to feel so powerless as I did in May-June.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm somewhat thinking it's maybe with Liv's help that I got pregnant now. It's almost the same conception date as last year (with a few days apart) so it will be very strange because everything will be different, yet it's a bit the same...
I send you lots of love and a very healthy and smooth rest of your pregnancy :kissy:

[sigrid86]

I also really wanted a boy with my first and was happy for my second boy too. I felt that I got along much better with guys as a general rule. ON a deeper level (although I did not realize it at the time) I did not feel very comfortable in my own skin as a younger woman, I was a very homely child and always felt sort of unfeminine. Although I started to come out of my ugly duckling phase at some point by that time I had received the message that I was not good at "girl stuff". I don't think I felt that I had much to offer a little girl. It was only over the course of a long time and maturity that I became more comfortable with the idea of having a daughter. If anything I would have had far worse GD if I had never had a son.

I just don't hear many friends saying they really want a boy. A also felt sort of unfeminine (I didn't have a handbag until I was 20y old :D), I didn't dress up (even know I rather put on a hoodie), even now I hardly wear any make up and I always liked sports very much. Most of the girls were much more girly. But still, I would love to have a mini-me, if you know what I mean :)
But it's pretty clear that we want a certain gender mostly based on our relationship with our parents or how we felt when we were younger. So thank god you created this site and already helped so many people! I'm glad you share so much information and experience, it's really great, thanks!!! :heart:

[sigrid86]

I haven't read the other responses yet, but my reasons are sort of heavy and complex, haha, but I've alluded to them elsewhere on here.

First and foremost, I wanted a boy because I feared bringing a girl into the world. I have a long, tired road of sexual abuse in my past, including as a child, and I had a lot of anxieties stemming from that -- "I couldn't protect myself, so how I could protect a daughter?" sort of thoughts. I know firsthand what it's like to be paid less, have the law apply to me less, to have my mind and person valued less, to be treated as less than; to be objectified. Now, not wanting a daughter played into my feelings there -- am I hypocrite to so desperately not want a girl, therefore valuing a girl less? But I worked through a lot of those issues in therapy, and that's partially why I was anxious in the first place: having a girl forced me to process a lot of things I hadn't processed yet, including the root of my PTSD.

Coupled with that came the flip side: I want to bring a boy into the world and raise him to be a power for good. Allies are important -- having a man grow up to value women as people, to view them as equal, to stand up against other men when they do the things they've done for millennia? Even on a micro level to just be a good person to any future partner (female or male)? That's heady, and that's something I feel a deep purpose to do.

So those were the big ones: an interplay of anxiety, fear and power and all the sides that come with that. On a baser level, I wanted a boy for myself -- having had all those issues, and even the pain that's come from moments with my husband, I wanted a male that wouldn't hurt me like this. And I know a son can hurt me -- from the physical parts of labor to the reality of children hurting their parents with words or tantrums, I know it. But not sexually, not in a power move stemming from patriarchal superiority; I'd have a boy, and then a man (and ideally more than one) love me without also hurting me in those ways.

And intertwined with that? I'm a ****** boy mom. Boys love me. Little boys have been glomping on to me since I was a 13 year old babysitter. I just have a way with boys (and granted, I do have a way with all children -- I taught for many years because of it). I always yearned for children because of this affinity for kids, but it was always missing the last bit of BEING an actual parent. I've had part of that fulfilled with my daughter, but my son would be the last piece.

There's even more to all of it than this -- and sometimes, at my weakest, just the competitive/ambitious nature where I HAVE to have it all, and I won't rest until I'm satisfied (which is often never) -- but those were the ones definitely taking over my life during my pregnancy.

ETA: I read Buro & atomic's responses, and I did have that element, too (so as you can see, I had a heavily stacked preference for a boy -- or all boys, honestly; I even thought, prior to my first pregnancy, that I'd be okay with a girl eventually, but if I had a boy first I would feel like I could relax and not care with whatever came next. Now, no pregnancy until I have my boy will ever be without anxiety). I felt really, really unlikable as a kid -- part of that stemmed from the abuse from my own family. I had lots of friends that were boys, too, though I've always had some form of female companionship and have really learned that the "girls are harder" or "I don't like girls" is much more an internalized misogyny than an actual issue with women; hell, having a kid period has made me feel much more pro-woman than ever before, haha.

But anyway, outside of those digressions -- because I felt like a very ugly, unlikeable kid and had for a long time thought that's why I was abused for so long, I feared the same happening to my DD. I feared she'd be like me, and in turn have the same things happen to her. It's quite a twist of fate that she ended up being completely opposite of me -- this blue eyed beautiful baby who literally stops foot traffic and who looks nothing like me, haha. She's everything I'm not, and I feel like that was extra helpful in me getting over any GD that might have applied to her.

If I get a son like me, I'd feel differently. Alot of my qualities are also not typically "feminine," outside of my body -- which is where I've gotten a lot of issues too. The women in my husband's family are more athletic, less traditionally feminine bodies, and I'm hoping my daughter doesn't have the same issues with larger breasts and an hourglass figure being a beacon to men as it has been for me. But my ambition, loudness, anger, intelligence -- even my sense of humor -- would all have been more successful in a man, I feel.

Wow TP, that was not what I expected. I'm really sooo sorry that you had to go through such a horrible period. No one should ever go through this. I really can't imagine what it's like, but for me it seems to be one of the worst things that can happen in life. The fact that you're still standing and want to make the best of your life AND want to raise a good boy who values women the same as men, really shows your a strong powerful woman. I have so much respect for that, for you.
And now ofcourse I can see why you preferred a boy over a girl. But it's great that having a girl forced you to process a lot of things you hadn't processed yet, otherwise you would maybe still haven't processed them?
Sometimes when I look at the horrific stories of ISIS slaves for example, I'm also a bit afraid of having a girl. Because face it, even in this decade, women are still seen as 'less', but fortunately not where I live. But still...I think women are more vulnerable than men and I can imagine it's a terrifying thought when having a daughter. But it just can't be a reason of not wanting a girl...

I love that you say that you have such a great connection with little boys :) I'm sure your time will come. Just believe in it and do everything what it takes.
At that point I'm the same as you: I would never give up on having my girl. If this one's a boy, I would go HT. At least I hope it will still exist somewhere in Europe...even if that means I would have to take a loan with my parents. I just want to try everything. Also, we only want 2 children so I only had this chance with swaying. I'm very curious. Are you already swaying or not yet?
I also have the feeling that if I just have a girl now, I can be relax for the rest of my life. My next can be a boy, I wouldn't mind. It's just that I want 1 girl so badly...so I understand the anxiety very well. And now with everything that happened last year, even if it will be a girl, I won't feel 'calm' until I have her in my arms, alive and kicking.

I think it's normal that you felt 'unlikable' as a kid, given your situation. It's just so unfair that children need to go through that! But I'm glad you're more pro-woman now :) And of course it's normal that you fear the same would happen to your DD. Something so awful can't happen to anyone, especially your child, which you love most in the world. I'm glad that it helped you that you're DD is everything you're not (although that sounds weird to say :)).
You never know if your child will look like you or not, but I'm sure there will be something of both you and your DH in your next (hopefully boy).

Thanks a lot for sharing your story. I'm crossing my fingers for you :kissy:

[Throwaway_panther]

Wow TP, that was not what I expected. I'm really sooo sorry that you had to go through such a horrible period. No one should ever go through this. I really can't imagine what it's like, but for me it seems to be one of the worst things that can happen in life. The fact that you're still standing and want to make the best of your life AND want to raise a good boy who values women the same as men, really shows your a strong powerful woman. I have so much respect for that, for you.
And now ofcourse I can see why you preferred a boy over a girl. But it's great that having a girl forced you to process a lot of things you hadn't processed yet, otherwise you would maybe still haven't processed them?
Sometimes when I look at the horrific stories of ISIS slaves for example, I'm also a bit afraid of having a girl. Because face it, even in this decade, women are still seen as 'less', but fortunately not where I live. But still...I think women are more vulnerable than men and I can imagine it's a terrifying thought when having a daughter. But it just can't be a reason of not wanting a girl...

I love that you say that you have such a great connection with little boys :) I'm sure your time will come. Just believe in it and do everything what it takes.
At that point I'm the same as you: I would never give up on having my girl. If this one's a boy, I would go HT. At least I hope it will still exist somewhere in Europe...even if that means I would have to take a loan with my parents. I just want to try everything. Also, we only want 2 children so I only had this chance with swaying. I'm very curious. Are you already swaying or not yet?
I also have the feeling that if I just have a girl now, I can be relax for the rest of my life. My next can be a boy, I wouldn't mind. It's just that I want 1 girl so badly...so I understand the anxiety very well. And now with everything that happened last year, even if it will be a girl, I won't feel 'calm' until I have her in my arms, alive and kicking.

I think it's normal that you felt 'unlikable' as a kid, given your situation. It's just so unfair that children need to go through that! But I'm glad you're more pro-woman now :) And of course it's normal that you fear the same would happen to your DD. Something so awful can't happen to anyone, especially your child, which you love most in the world. I'm glad that it helped you that you're DD is everything you're not (although that sounds weird to say :)).
You never know if your child will look like you or not, but I'm sure there will be something of both you and your DH in your next (hopefully boy).

Thanks a lot for sharing your story. I'm crossing my fingers for you :kissy:

Thank you, I really appreciate the compliments and understanding! It's funny, because I went elsewhere online to share my wrestling of my DD's sex and my own history, and I had a lot of women tell me they had the same anxieties/fears but while pregnant with a boy. Having a boy after that trauma was scary for them because it had been men who had abused them. I fully understand how that trauma can affect both GDs, now, but also think it's interesting that -- yet again -- I seem in my own little bubble over here, haha.

I am "swaying," in that I follow the HE lifestyle. I followed a sort of moderate form starting almost exactly a year ago when I found this site and read everything -- studies, posts -- obsessively. After my DD's birth, I incorporated a little more of the HE lifestyle, and now I'd say I'm fully swaying outside of the actively TTC part (since I've now had two losses since her birth not actively trying, and it turns out my thyroid levels are messed up again). So I do minimal to no cardio, I keep lifting heavy weights, I eat breakfast every day, incorporate eggs, red meat, protein, full fat dairy into my life (when I didn't touch any of that pre-DD), I try to snack now; I don't bother with that personality stuff since I'm a pretty type A self-control freak who's perpetually ambitious and competitive... I think it's all diet based on that, haha.

I sure hope being sad doesn't sway TOO much though, haha -- I can't lie. This last loss hit me harder than even the first one, and my DH started therapy recently so he's sort of hard to handle right now... And I can tell you, how I was during pregnancy did not help. My DH wanted a girl, and truly doesn't care if we end up with all girls. There have been a lot of heart to hearts on the issue, because *I* am the one who desperately wants a son. So... I'll be around, haha.

I also think your loss is also something no one should have to go through; that's a grief truly unfair, and I'm so, so sorry. I think, whoever you end up with, you will also heal parts of yourself you didn't think possible with their birth, but know you CAN carry a girl. You CAN have a girl. And you CAN heal, even before finding out the sex of this baby. And we'll all be here to help you with that process, too <3

I really appreciate you asking those questions of me, because I think it's so helpful to get and give insight, you know?

Wishing you so much goodness <3

[sigrid86]

Thank you, I really appreciate the compliments and understanding! It's funny, because I went elsewhere online to share my wrestling of my DD's sex and my own history, and I had a lot of women tell me they had the same anxieties/fears but while pregnant with a boy. Having a boy after that trauma was scary for them because it had been men who had abused them. I fully understand how that trauma can affect both GDs, now, but also think it's interesting that -- yet again -- I seem in my own little bubble over here, haha.

I am "swaying," in that I follow the HE lifestyle. I followed a sort of moderate form starting almost exactly a year ago when I found this site and read everything -- studies, posts -- obsessively. After my DD's birth, I incorporated a little more of the HE lifestyle, and now I'd say I'm fully swaying outside of the actively TTC part (since I've now had two losses since her birth not actively trying, and it turns out my thyroid levels are messed up again). So I do minimal to no cardio, I keep lifting heavy weights, I eat breakfast every day, incorporate eggs, red meat, protein, full fat dairy into my life (when I didn't touch any of that pre-DD), I try to snack now; I don't bother with that personality stuff since I'm a pretty type A self-control freak who's perpetually ambitious and competitive... I think it's all diet based on that, haha.

I sure hope being sad doesn't sway TOO much though, haha -- I can't lie. This last loss hit me harder than even the first one, and my DH started therapy recently so he's sort of hard to handle right now... And I can tell you, how I was during pregnancy did not help. My DH wanted a girl, and truly doesn't care if we end up with all girls. There have been a lot of heart to hearts on the issue, because *I* am the one who desperately wants a son. So... I'll be around, haha.

I also think your loss is also something no one should have to go through; that's a grief truly unfair, and I'm so, so sorry. I think, whoever you end up with, you will also heal parts of yourself you didn't think possible with their birth, but know you CAN carry a girl. You CAN have a girl. And you CAN heal, even before finding out the sex of this baby. And we'll all be here to help you with that process, too <3

I really appreciate you asking those questions of me, because I think it's so helpful to get and give insight, you know?

Wishing you so much goodness <3

Oh yeah, I can also relate to these women. Just because a guy did that to them, they really don't want to have a boy. I can understand both them and you; it's only how you look at it. I'm sure there are other women like you also and that you don't have to be alone in your bubble ;)

It seems like you're really doing a good job with your sway! I'm sorry for your losses; that's sad to hear :( How far along were you both times? It's scary to know that it can just chance overnight isn't it. You have big issues with your thyroid? I'm on medication also, for hypothyroidy, so I'm being follow up closely, especially when I'm pregnant. But it's very good controlled, because I'm really on the limit of hypothyroidy (if I don't take anything I have a TSH value of 4-4.5) but ofcourse that's too high when ttc or if you're pregnant. I hope it's fixed soon. Since when are your values so messed up? Will you start ttc as soon as your thyroid levels are normal again?
Just out of curiosity: what was your lifestyle before your DD? :)

Oh I'm sorry your sad about the loss :( it's understandable ofcourse. How were you during pregnancy? I get the issue with your DH. My DH doesn't care either and I don't think he will ever understand my desperate need for a girl. For now I almost didn't tell him anything and I managed to dtd at the right points, but if this baby would be a boy I will tell him everything.

Thank you for your understanding! I also believe that just having a baby (no matter what gender) will heal parts of myself. Just thinking of the love I felt when Liv was born (and she wasn't even alive) was so overwhelming. All of a sudden I really understood that a child is the most important thing in life when being a parent. I really hope I can carry a girl once again! I hope I'm one of these girls who only make girls, whatever I do :)
Thank you so much for your help; it's great to be here and find such support and comfort :heart:

It's veeery helpful to get and give insight, that's why I love this site so much :)

Thanks again for your kindness! I wish you all the best and hope that your thyroid issues are over soon :hug2:

[atomic sagebrush]

I just don't hear many friends saying they really want a boy. A also felt sort of unfeminine (I didn't have a handbag until I was 20y old :D), I didn't dress up (even know I rather put on a hoodie), even now I hardly wear any make up and I always liked sports very much. Most of the girls were much more girly. But still, I would love to have a mini-me, if you know what I mean :)
But it's pretty clear that we want a certain gender mostly based on our relationship with our parents or how we felt when we were younger. So thank god you created this site and already helped so many people! I'm glad you share so much information and experience, it's really great, thanks!!! :heart:

You know, it's funny, I actually DON"T think that is clear. Because I see just as many people who had a very happy experience and just want to recreate that.

Personally, I think this is an innate feeling that some of us have more than others, and because we "psychologize" everything in our culture (both US and Europe tend to do that) it makes us look back at our lives and look for reasons and of course because life is what it is, we always find those reasons. But it may just very well be, in part or in total, that for some of us we just have natural desire to have kids of both genders. Our life experiences may make it cut a bit deeper for some of us, but it may be very much a natural thing.

I remember the first time I realized I COULD have a baby some day. (when I was a little girl, I mean) I immediately wanted to do it passionately and I was so happy that it was a thing that would possibly happen. And that baby was a GIRL!! LOL. There may be something about that similarity, shared experience whatever that makes us want a same gender kiddo even if we are not a stereotypical girly girl. (and I don't intend this to take away from moms who want boys at all, because like I said I suspect I'd have had even stronger GD for a boy, than I did for a girl, personally) I only mention it because I know that many of us, myself included, have found it a bit puzzling that even tho we are not girly types ourselves that we still want a daughter so desperately. :)

[atomic sagebrush]

I just don't hear many friends saying they really want a boy. A also felt sort of unfeminine (I didn't have a handbag until I was 20y old :D), I didn't dress up (even know I rather put on a hoodie), even now I hardly wear any make up and I always liked sports very much. Most of the girls were much more girly. But still, I would love to have a mini-me, if you know what I mean :)
But it's pretty clear that we want a certain gender mostly based on our relationship with our parents or how we felt when we were younger. So thank god you created this site and already helped so many people! I'm glad you share so much information and experience, it's really great, thanks!!! :heart:

You know, it's funny, I actually DON"T think that is clear. Because I see just as many people who had a very happy experience and just want to recreate that.

Personally, I think this is an innate feeling that some of us have more than others, and because we "psychologize" everything in our culture (both US and Europe tend to do that) it makes us look back at our lives and look for reasons and of course because life is what it is, we always find those reasons. But it may just very well be, in part or in total, that for some of us we just have natural desire to have kids of both genders. Our life experiences may make it cut a bit deeper for some of us, but it may be very much a natural thing.

I remember the first time I realized I COULD have a baby some day. (when I was a little girl, I mean) I immediately wanted to do it passionately and I was so happy that it was a thing that would possibly happen. And that baby was a GIRL!! LOL. There may be something about that similarity, shared experience whatever that makes us want a same gender kiddo even if we are not a stereotypical girly girl. (and I don't intend this to take away from moms who want boys at all, because like I said I suspect I'd have had even stronger GD for a boy, than I did for a girl, personally) I only mention it because I know that many of us, myself included, have found it a bit puzzling that even tho we are not girly types ourselves that we still want a daughter so desperately. :)

[Throwaway_panther]

Oh yeah, I can also relate to these women. Just because a guy did that to them, they really don't want to have a boy. I can understand both them and you; it's only how you look at it. I'm sure there are other women like you also and that you don't have to be alone in your bubble ;)

It seems like you're really doing a good job with your sway! I'm sorry for your losses; that's sad to hear :( How far along were you both times? It's scary to know that it can just chance overnight isn't it. You have big issues with your thyroid? I'm on medication also, for hypothyroidy, so I'm being follow up closely, especially when I'm pregnant. But it's very good controlled, because I'm really on the limit of hypothyroidy (if I don't take anything I have a TSH value of 4-4.5) but ofcourse that's too high when ttc or if you're pregnant. I hope it's fixed soon. Since when are your values so messed up? Will you start ttc as soon as your thyroid levels are normal again?
Just out of curiosity: what was your lifestyle before your DD? :)

Oh I'm sorry your sad about the loss :( it's understandable ofcourse. How were you during pregnancy? I get the issue with your DH. My DH doesn't care either and I don't think he will ever understand my desperate need for a girl. For now I almost didn't tell him anything and I managed to dtd at the right points, but if this baby would be a boy I will tell him everything.

Thank you for your understanding! I also believe that just having a baby (no matter what gender) will heal parts of myself. Just thinking of the love I felt when Liv was born (and she wasn't even alive) was so overwhelming. All of a sudden I really understood that a child is the most important thing in life when being a parent. I really hope I can carry a girl once again! I hope I'm one of these girls who only make girls, whatever I do :)
Thank you so much for your help; it's great to be here and find such support and comfort :heart:

It's veeery helpful to get and give insight, that's why I love this site so much :)

Thanks again for your kindness! I wish you all the best and hope that your thyroid issues are over soon :hug2:

Oh wow, that's definitely not a TSH to have when TTC; I'm glad it's being controlled for you! I know it might be a very sensitive topic, but do you know what your levels were around when you delivered Liv? Us thyroid-people have an increased risk for stillbirth in addition to miscarriages, so I hope your doctors are more on top of things for you (though unfortunately, of course, sometimes these things can't be explained :( ).

My T4 is solidly hypo right now (.5), and since I don't have a thyroid at all, I have a lot less wiggle room than others when it comes to levels since I'm at the mercy of my pill! My levels were pretty high shortly after delivery because I was run very high when pregnant (especially because my levels all went hypo around my second trimester with my DD), so my endo steadily brought me down. And -- let me tell you, this is VERY typical with the crapshoot that is not having a thyroid -- I got brought down too low. We discovered this after the first loss, and it was confirmed a second time (when I didn't know I was pregnant again).

The first loss was 7 weeks, the second was just shy of 5 weeks so more of a chemical, but still. I was popping strong positives even during the bleeding so I held hope... but eventually I had fading tests, and eventually got BFNs.

I had pretty bad antepartum depression on top of the GD, really. Pregnancy was a big struggle for me, mentally. My food issues were big, my body hate was big, and the GD literally made me suicidal. I wanted to abort, several times. And I don't think that's a bad thing for anyone to consider, either -- I'm solidly pro-choice, but my DH and I both knew that a lot of those feelings (at least for my first child ever) were me concurrently working through some heavy stuff. It was really wearing on him -- it didn't help that my thyroid levels went wonky, which always affects my mood.
To summarize it, really: I have big control issues. Not with other people around me so much as myself (see: Type A overachiever with an eating disorder and an exercise addiction.). Pregnancy (and motherhood, to an extent) are a big lesson in not being able to control everything, and boy did that do a number on me. Especially when I got to a point where I couldn't do my normal forms of catharsis (heavy duty exercise; *cough alcohol cough*). And since here, I had wanted a boy and THEN learned I could have SOME sort of control over the sex? I wanted it done. I said many times in anguish that I wanted to "start over," and my DH just wanted this healthy baby he felt was a girl from day 1.

That's a lot of heaviness from me again, haha, but I've driven atomic crazy on here before -- now imagine that from someone I was around EVERY day. I'm really, really hormone-sensitive, and between pregnancy, thyroid messes, and 6 months of postpartum -- I've been better, lol.

We're going to do bloodwork again in 6 weeks since we changed my thyroid med completely, but I'm uncertain if my levels will be stable by then. At this point, I'm considering if all is well to try again when my DD is 9 months, since 18 months between pregnancies is a medical rec and I'd sort of saw that as a compromise between my almost Irish twins (which would have happened if my second pregnancy had been successful) and wanting kids closer together. At 9 months meals can start replacing nursing sessions, too, which I'm literally fighting my DD off on NOW haha -- she loves food!

The only hesitance there is, were I to get pregnant on first try (which... seems likely lol), we could end up with a December/January baby which we had unfortunately always wanted to not to do for insurance reasons (eek! Well, we're in the U.S., so that's a reality haha). I stupidly can't shake the "boy" and "girl" months, too, and Spring/Summer are supposedly girl months (even though I conceived my DD in the fall, so... lol).

I don't know, there's a pro and con to everything. Sorry for the ramble!!

[Throwaway_panther]

Oops, I waxed so much there that I forgot to answer re: lifestyle before DD.

I was, more or less, an extreme LE lifestyle (without even knowing anything about it).
Tons of exercise -- I lifted heavy weights 4x a week and did probably 5 hours of cardio on top of that (biking, swimming, mowing my lawn in the hot sun, volleyball every week, hiking).
Never ate breakfast or snacked -- those were special occasion things. My breakfast was a cup of black coffee, or a coffee with almond milk.
Usually ate one meal a day (and it was dinner; occasional two meals a day were lunch and dinner).
No red meat -- ever (I hadn't eaten red meat for over a decade before DD, haha).
Pretty decent amount of alcohol -- now I wasn't an alcoholic, nor am I, but craft beer and good wine are essentially a hobby of my DH and my, and the summer is a lot of beer fests around here (which we go to). The last beer fest we went to was literally a few days before my suspected ovulation. Never really touched liquor or white wine ever, just dry red wines and unfiltered craft beer.
Low everything for sure -- low protein, low carbs. My fat intake wasn't actually particularly low, and it was mostly olive oil, but in the large scheme of things I was usually netting anywhere from ZERO to 800 calories on average. Bad -- do not recommend. Totally was relapsing before conceiving my DD.
Not sure how much credence I pay it, but I also drank a lot of diet pop and sparkling waters flavored with artificial sweeteners.
Other "pink" sway things I inadvertently did was to just have come off BC, and I actually had taken a baby aspirin every few days while on BC.

My DH also was in a weird place, too, in that he was depressed about his job (which he's since left), was often sailing with his friend that summer (smoking a pipe or cigar semi-frequently and being in the hot sun), and we never turned our A/C on and it was a particularly hot end of summer/ beginning of fall.

I say "weird place," too, because my DH is I think the archetypal "person to produce boys" (and his brother has so far had BGB, with a later miscarriage in there I suspect was also a boy) and one of a BBBG family. High testosterone markers (bald, tall, competitive, confident/alpha, seemingly unending libido... -_-)

It was a perfect storm of a girl sway, lol.

I'm amazed, knowing now what I know, that I ever thought I could have had a boy. I can only hope that, in hindsight, we did such an extreme form of something to give us a girl that even a loose boy sway could give us a boy... let alone me going hard as I tend to do when that time comes ;)

[sigrid86]

You know, it's funny, I actually DON"T think that is clear. Because I see just as many people who had a very happy experience and just want to recreate that.

Personally, I think this is an innate feeling that some of us have more than others, and because we "psychologize" everything in our culture (both US and Europe tend to do that) it makes us look back at our lives and look for reasons and of course because life is what it is, we always find those reasons. But it may just very well be, in part or in total, that for some of us we just have natural desire to have kids of both genders. Our life experiences may make it cut a bit deeper for some of us, but it may be very much a natural thing.

I remember the first time I realized I COULD have a baby some day. (when I was a little girl, I mean) I immediately wanted to do it passionately and I was so happy that it was a thing that would possibly happen. And that baby was a GIRL!! LOL. There may be something about that similarity, shared experience whatever that makes us want a same gender kiddo even if we are not a stereotypical girly girl. (and I don't intend this to take away from moms who want boys at all, because like I said I suspect I'd have had even stronger GD for a boy, than I did for a girl, personally) I only mention it because I know that many of us, myself included, have found it a bit puzzling that even tho we are not girly types ourselves that we still want a daughter so desperately. :)

Wow, that's really well said! It's just strange how everyone is different and have their own reasons for wanting a certain gender. Some just dont' care also. That would be great! But I wonder how many really don't care...

Ah that's funny that you wanted a baby girl when you were younger :) I also think that people often want a baby of their own gender because of the similarity.
It's a fascinating thing, the human psyche... :)

[sigrid86]

Oh wow, that's definitely not a TSH to have when TTC; I'm glad it's being controlled for you! I know it might be a very sensitive topic, but do you know what your levels were around when you delivered Liv? Us thyroid-people have an increased risk for stillbirth in addition to miscarriages, so I hope your doctors are more on top of things for you (though unfortunately, of course, sometimes these things can't be explained :( ).

My T4 is solidly hypo right now (.5), and since I don't have a thyroid at all, I have a lot less wiggle room than others when it comes to levels since I'm at the mercy of my pill! My levels were pretty high shortly after delivery because I was run very high when pregnant (especially because my levels all went hypo around my second trimester with my DD), so my endo steadily brought me down. And -- let me tell you, this is VERY typical with the crapshoot that is not having a thyroid -- I got brought down too low. We discovered this after the first loss, and it was confirmed a second time (when I didn't know I was pregnant again).

The first loss was 7 weeks, the second was just shy of 5 weeks so more of a chemical, but still. I was popping strong positives even during the bleeding so I held hope... but eventually I had fading tests, and eventually got BFNs.

I had pretty bad antepartum depression on top of the GD, really. Pregnancy was a big struggle for me, mentally. My food issues were big, my body hate was big, and the GD literally made me suicidal. I wanted to abort, several times. And I don't think that's a bad thing for anyone to consider, either -- I'm solidly pro-choice, but my DH and I both knew that a lot of those feelings (at least for my first child ever) were me concurrently working through some heavy stuff. It was really wearing on him -- it didn't help that my thyroid levels went wonky, which always affects my mood.
To summarize it, really: I have big control issues. Not with other people around me so much as myself (see: Type A overachiever with an eating disorder and an exercise addiction.). Pregnancy (and motherhood, to an extent) are a big lesson in not being able to control everything, and boy did that do a number on me. Especially when I got to a point where I couldn't do my normal forms of catharsis (heavy duty exercise; *cough alcohol cough*). And since here, I had wanted a boy and THEN learned I could have SOME sort of control over the sex? I wanted it done. I said many times in anguish that I wanted to "start over," and my DH just wanted this healthy baby he felt was a girl from day 1.

That's a lot of heaviness from me again, haha, but I've driven atomic crazy on here before -- now imagine that from someone I was around EVERY day. I'm really, really hormone-sensitive, and between pregnancy, thyroid messes, and 6 months of postpartum -- I've been better, lol.

We're going to do bloodwork again in 6 weeks since we changed my thyroid med completely, but I'm uncertain if my levels will be stable by then. At this point, I'm considering if all is well to try again when my DD is 9 months, since 18 months between pregnancies is a medical rec and I'd sort of saw that as a compromise between my almost Irish twins (which would have happened if my second pregnancy had been successful) and wanting kids closer together. At 9 months meals can start replacing nursing sessions, too, which I'm literally fighting my DD off on NOW haha -- she loves food!

The only hesitance there is, were I to get pregnant on first try (which... seems likely lol), we could end up with a December/January baby which we had unfortunately always wanted to not to do for insurance reasons (eek! Well, we're in the U.S., so that's a reality haha). I stupidly can't shake the "boy" and "girl" months, too, and Spring/Summer are supposedly girl months (even though I conceived my DD in the fall, so... lol).

I don't know, there's a pro and con to everything. Sorry for the ramble!!

It's ok to ask about it...I already went through every possible cause but I really can't find anything :( My TSH levels were great the whole time of my pregnancy (except for the beginning ofcourse). TSH level was always around 1-1.5 so that's fine...I was being followed every month - 6 weeks and every time my levels were perfect. My endocrinologist also said it was definitely not related.

Oh you don't have a thyroid??? I have a friend without thyroid who's trying to become pregnant but it's so hard for her to get the levels stable. And without that, she just can't get pregnant. So I can imagine you're struggling. And especially when hcg starts to rise, the thyroid levels also start to do strange things :s So your loss was due to the thyroid levels?? That's awful :( And every loss is just a baby you looked forward to so it's always hard to take.

I'm sorry you also had an antepartum depression on top of the GD, that must be sooo difficult! I hear it a lot actually. But it's also very sad that you didn't have a good pregnancy and that you couldn't really enjoy it. It's strange how our thoughts can make us feel so bad. But ofcourse with all you've been through I can really imagine that your pregnancy must have been hard. And on top of that there are the pregnancy hormones and your thyroid levels...
If I can cheer you up a bit: control freaks are more likely to get boys ;) I also learned it the hard way, that we cant' control everything. Especially in a pregnancy, you can just go to your appointments and hope for the best. And ofcourse try your best not to harm your baby. But even then, drug addicts get normal children...

I really hope you will feel better soon! But I'm sure you will. If your thyroid levels get better and you have a new goal, you'll be better.
It's frustrating that you always have to wait about 6 weeks to see if the medication is right or not. That's just so much time...my friend was already trying from August and suddenly in December they just noticed that her thyroid levels were totally off :s so she basically lost 4 months. So maybe, if everything is good in 6 weeks, you'll try again? That's great! And it's indeed very nice to have your kids close together. Although it seems hard also, since they don't go to school yet.

What's the deal with ending up with a December/January baby in the US? I don't know anything about it...for me I would just not like it so much because it's so cold and you go less outside with your baby. But ofcourse you just don't choose it and that's the least of our worries ;) I don't really believe in the girl and boy months...Liv was conceived in December so that's also not very accurate ;)

Btw just an update: I had the first ultrasound yesterday. Everything was perfect, there was also a strong heartbeat and I was on 6 weeks 3 days (due date 3 September). So I'm just hoping this will continue being good...and pink :D Next ultrasound is in 2 weeks!

[Throwaway_panther]

It's ok to ask about it...I already went through every possible cause but I really can't find anything :( My TSH levels were great the whole time of my pregnancy (except for the beginning ofcourse). TSH level was always around 1-1.5 so that's fine...I was being followed every month - 6 weeks and every time my levels were perfect. My endocrinologist also said it was definitely not related.

Oh you don't have a thyroid??? I have a friend without thyroid who's trying to become pregnant but it's so hard for her to get the levels stable. And without that, she just can't get pregnant. So I can imagine you're struggling. And especially when hcg starts to rise, the thyroid levels also start to do strange things :s So your loss was due to the thyroid levels?? That's awful :( And every loss is just a baby you looked forward to so it's always hard to take.

I'm sorry you also had an antepartum depression on top of the GD, that must be sooo difficult! I hear it a lot actually. But it's also very sad that you didn't have a good pregnancy and that you couldn't really enjoy it. It's strange how our thoughts can make us feel so bad. But ofcourse with all you've been through I can really imagine that your pregnancy must have been hard. And on top of that there are the pregnancy hormones and your thyroid levels...
If I can cheer you up a bit: control freaks are more likely to get boys ;) I also learned it the hard way, that we cant' control everything. Especially in a pregnancy, you can just go to your appointments and hope for the best. And ofcourse try your best not to harm your baby. But even then, drug addicts get normal children...

I really hope you will feel better soon! But I'm sure you will. If your thyroid levels get better and you have a new goal, you'll be better.
It's frustrating that you always have to wait about 6 weeks to see if the medication is right or not. That's just so much time...my friend was already trying from August and suddenly in December they just noticed that her thyroid levels were totally off :s so she basically lost 4 months. So maybe, if everything is good in 6 weeks, you'll try again? That's great! And it's indeed very nice to have your kids close together. Although it seems hard also, since they don't go to school yet.

What's the deal with ending up with a December/January baby in the US? I don't know anything about it...for me I would just not like it so much because it's so cold and you go less outside with your baby. But ofcourse you just don't choose it and that's the least of our worries ;) I don't really believe in the girl and boy months...Liv was conceived in December so that's also not very accurate ;)

Btw just an update: I had the first ultrasound yesterday. Everything was perfect, there was also a strong heartbeat and I was on 6 weeks 3 days (due date 3 September). So I'm just hoping this will continue being good...and pink :D Next ultrasound is in 2 weeks!

Oh wow, such good news about the U/S!! Hoping all the best for you!!

I'm so sorry about your friend -- it does really suck that we constantly have to wait longer. My endo thought for sure I'd have problems conceiving before my DD, so ran me quite high before we started trying. Now we realize I'm apparently quite fertile despite all my thyroid issues and I guess my lot in TTC is just keeping them.

In the U/S, health insurance (since we're the unlucky non-socialized healthcare first world nation...) "resets" at the end of the year. So as of January 1, depending on kind of plan we have, you end up potentially paying a lot more. So for instance, with my DD, we "met our deductible," which meant we paid as much as we'd have to out of pocket, with her birth, so the rest of the year was all completely covered medical expenses. Everything ever was 'free'! With a child born in December, you're more likely to be closer to the end of the deductible and end up with a less expensive birth just because you've been paying more throughout the year; conversely, if your child is born in January, you'd also end up meeting your deductible (though all at once, so you'd have a huge bill at the beginning of the year, but end up likely to have cheaper to no medical bills for any future procedures that year).

It's a weird mixed bag of just wishing it was all covered! There's a longstanding joke, too (unsure how it is in other countries) about the tax situation -- a kid born Dec. 31st means the parents get a deduction (or lower taxes) when filing for that year, but a Jan. 1st kid means waiting a whole other year before being able to claim that child. Money, money, money... haha.

Yeah, I'm really working on not letting the supposed months bother me. Although, another issue is just the stress I imagine comes with having a baby around the holidays, haha!

[Burakoam]

sigrid popping in to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! i am so happy baby was strong and had its heartbeat going already to put mama's mind at ease :) i am sure that was an extremely emotional experience for you so i want to give you the biggest hugs i can over the internet. I am so happy for you and sending big mental vibes to baby to keep growing and thriving!

[sigrid86]

Oh wow, such good news about the U/S!! Hoping all the best for you!!

I'm so sorry about your friend -- it does really suck that we constantly have to wait longer. My endo thought for sure I'd have problems conceiving before my DD, so ran me quite high before we started trying. Now we realize I'm apparently quite fertile despite all my thyroid issues and I guess my lot in TTC is just keeping them.

In the U/S, health insurance (since we're the unlucky non-socialized healthcare first world nation...) "resets" at the end of the year. So as of January 1, depending on kind of plan we have, you end up potentially paying a lot more. So for instance, with my DD, we "met our deductible," which meant we paid as much as we'd have to out of pocket, with her birth, so the rest of the year was all completely covered medical expenses. Everything ever was 'free'! With a child born in December, you're more likely to be closer to the end of the deductible and end up with a less expensive birth just because you've been paying more throughout the year; conversely, if your child is born in January, you'd also end up meeting your deductible (though all at once, so you'd have a huge bill at the beginning of the year, but end up likely to have cheaper to no medical bills for any future procedures that year).

It's a weird mixed bag of just wishing it was all covered! There's a longstanding joke, too (unsure how it is in other countries) about the tax situation -- a kid born Dec. 31st means the parents get a deduction (or lower taxes) when filing for that year, but a Jan. 1st kid means waiting a whole other year before being able to claim that child. Money, money, money... haha.

Yeah, I'm really working on not letting the supposed months bother me. Although, another issue is just the stress I imagine comes with having a baby around the holidays, haha!

Thank you so much :) Let's hope we can finally hold a baby in our arms in 8 months...

Yeah I feel sorry for her too :( You must be very fertile indeed! But my endo told me that even people with a TSH of 20 sometimes get pregnant so if you're very fertile, it's really possible. And that high fertility seems to sway boy so that's good for you :)

Oh boy, how awful that you have to keep track when you conceive in terms of insurance :s So you get to choose a plan? That's sounds really complicated! We just pay about 50-95 euros for one year and then every medical cost we make we pay about 10 euros (depending what it is: specialist are a bit more expensive ofcourse). But for example I get a bill of 65 euros per endocrinologist appointment and get 45 euros back. For a regular GP appointment we pay 25 euros and get 15 euros back. It seems easier :) And cheaper maybe? Fortunately we have this system because we had so many appointments with specialists with my previous pregnancy.
And what about Obamacare? Didn't that resolve some of these issues? And are there then more/less children born in certain months? That's interesting :)
I live in Belgium and I think we're the country that pays the most taxes in Europe (or 2nd or 3rd) but we have an awesome medical and social system.

It's really stupid people should stress over the month :(

By the way, I forgot to answer your previous message about how you got your girl. Thanks a lot for that! It really looked like a very girly lifestyle indeed :)
Are you and your DH planning to get more than 2 children or will it stay 2 after your next?

[sigrid86]

sigrid popping in to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! i am so happy baby was strong and had its heartbeat going already to put mama's mind at ease :) i am sure that was an extremely emotional experience for you so i want to give you the biggest hugs i can over the internet. I am so happy for you and sending big mental vibes to baby to keep growing and thriving!

Oooh thank you SO much, that's so sweet :) It set my mind at ease a little bit. Fortunately I can go every 2 weeks so I don't have to wait too long for the next US.
It was emotional and also very stressful (the moment I laid there and she was searching for the heartbeat), but I'm really glad it was all good! I'm just still very careful with my happiness. Although I believe it'll stay that way, I'm very well aware that there's always more chance in the first 12 weeks that it goes wrong...

How are you doing now? When are you due in April?

[Throwaway_panther]

Thank you so much :) Let's hope we can finally hold a baby in our arms in 8 months...

Yeah I feel sorry for her too :( You must be very fertile indeed! But my endo told me that even people with a TSH of 20 sometimes get pregnant so if you're very fertile, it's really possible. And that high fertility seems to sway boy so that's good for you :)

Oh boy, how awful that you have to keep track when you conceive in terms of insurance :s So you get to choose a plan? That's sounds really complicated! We just pay about 50-95 euros for one year and then every medical cost we make we pay about 10 euros (depending what it is: specialist are a bit more expensive ofcourse). But for example I get a bill of 65 euros per endocrinologist appointment and get 45 euros back. For a regular GP appointment we pay 25 euros and get 15 euros back. It seems easier :) And cheaper maybe? Fortunately we have this system because we had so many appointments with specialists with my previous pregnancy.
And what about Obamacare? Didn't that resolve some of these issues? And are there then more/less children born in certain months? That's interesting :)
I live in Belgium and I think we're the country that pays the most taxes in Europe (or 2nd or 3rd) but we have an awesome medical and social system.

It's really stupid people should stress over the month :(

By the way, I forgot to answer your previous message about how you got your girl. Thanks a lot for that! It really looked like a very girly lifestyle indeed :)
Are you and your DH planning to get more than 2 children or will it stay 2 after your next?

Yeah, my endo has definitely said, "Your fertility is something else; I think you're going to have a lot of children," haha. It's funny, because I haven't gotten around to answering atomic's question posted elsewhere, but my own endo was asking, 'Well, want to start cracking at it?' before we found out my levels and I was only 6 months postpartum at his appointment!

Obamacare DID help take care of some things... but our Republican majority Congress and soon to be president are a hair away from repealing it :( It's very sad and tense over here right now with healthcare. Your system sounds amazing; any system is more amazing than ours.

DH and I have actually wanted probably 3 kids; more and more I think about solidly wanting 3, and not saying no to 4 (which is why my fingers are crossed for twins, haha -- two for one). But, like I said earlier, even if the next one was a girl I wouldn't go, "Oh, we can just try again." I'm not putting myself through that hell again, despite the things I've worked through. I will not rest until my next child is a boy, and then whatever comes after that will happen, though I'd probably have a preference for boy still. Two boys and two girls would be my ideal, for sure, haha.

Part of our rush, though, is wanting 3-4 kids and my husband wanting to be done rather soon; he's 36 and has stress about having any kids over 40 because of retirement and other things, so that doesn't leave us too much time to get out another 2-3 kids!

[atomic sagebrush]

If you guys could please not start talking politics on here I would very much appreciate it.

There are a million other sites where people can talk politics so go to one of them and talk all you want to.

There are very likely at least some people on here who are Republicans and this is a site for everyone. I am not gonna put up with anyone making anyone feel less than welcome here.

Our nation is sadly, sorely divided right now and let's please keep politics out of our conversations. We are here for other reasons.

[Burakoam]

Sigrid do they think your thyroid acting up contributed to your loss with liv? ive seen you post about both and just wondered if there was a connection..you dont have to answer if its painful to talk about..

Due april 8th but having her by c section april 3rd unless this baby has mercy on me and i go into labor between 37-38 weeks..my doctors make it so i have to be at least 4 cm dialated and 100% effaced before they will do a c section any earlier than 39 weeks though for non emergency reasons..some of the doctors even prefer 5 cm. I thought i was going to die going to 39 weeks with angela and now they want me to go to 39 weeks and 2 days with this one..oh god.

[sigrid86]

Yeah, my endo has definitely said, "Your fertility is something else; I think you're going to have a lot of children," haha. It's funny, because I haven't gotten around to answering atomic's question posted elsewhere, but my own endo was asking, 'Well, want to start cracking at it?' before we found out my levels and I was only 6 months postpartum at his appointment!

Obamacare DID help take care of some things... but our Republican majority Congress and soon to be president are a hair away from repealing it :( It's very sad and tense over here right now with healthcare. Your system sounds amazing; any system is more amazing than ours.

DH and I have actually wanted probably 3 kids; more and more I think about solidly wanting 3, and not saying no to 4 (which is why my fingers are crossed for twins, haha -- two for one). But, like I said earlier, even if the next one was a girl I wouldn't go, "Oh, we can just try again." I'm not putting myself through that hell again, despite the things I've worked through. I will not rest until my next child is a boy, and then whatever comes after that will happen, though I'd probably have a preference for boy still. Two boys and two girls would be my ideal, for sure, haha.

Part of our rush, though, is wanting 3-4 kids and my husband wanting to be done rather soon; he's 36 and has stress about having any kids over 40 because of retirement and other things, so that doesn't leave us too much time to get out another 2-3 kids!

Wel fortunately then :) I notice that a lot of people are struggling with having kids, so we can only be blessed if things go well.

I'm not going to go into detail about your healthcare as Atomic requested. I understand and can imagine this is a sensitive topic.

Wow, maybe 4 kids even? It's funny, I have the feeling that a lot of people on this forum have 3 kids or more. In our country, it's not very common to have more than 2 kids. 3 maybe, but more than 3 is really an exception. I have a lot of respect for parents of 3 and more children. That seems a lot of work :) Would you really like to have twins? I would stress out my whole pregnancy since it's really a risk pregnancy. But maybe that's because of my background ofcourse. It's great that you'd do anything to have a boy. I can relate to that :) I'm thinking the same of a girl.

So you've got another 4 years: 4 years for 3 kids, right? ;) and if you get twins it's even better :) I see it a lot that guys of 35 and older still get kids. But I understand you rather want to be a young parent...I also wanted to have a child before I turned out 30 and that would have happened if we wouldn't have lost her :( But I turned 30 last month (which was really hard) and sometimes I'm also afraid hat I'm already getting 'old' for a first child.

[sigrid86]

Sigrid do they think your thyroid acting up contributed to your loss with liv? ive seen you post about both and just wondered if there was a connection..you dont have to answer if its painful to talk about..

Due april 8th but having her by c section april 3rd unless this baby has mercy on me and i go into labor between 37-38 weeks..my doctors make it so i have to be at least 4 cm dialated and 100% effaced before they will do a c section any earlier than 39 weeks though for non emergency reasons..some of the doctors even prefer 5 cm. I thought i was going to die going to 39 weeks with angela and now they want me to go to 39 weeks and 2 days with this one..oh god.

It's ok to ask about it...I already went through every possible cause but I really can't find anything. My TSH levels were great the whole time I was pregnant (except for the beginning ofcourse). TSH level was always around 1-1.5 so that's fine...I was being followed every month - 6 weeks and every time my levels were perfect. My endocrinologist also said it was definitely not related.

Is it necessary for you to have a c section? Can't you give birth naturally? Why did you think you were going to die?
Can't you express your concerns?
Here I know that they'll induce you if you're really scared or if there's something else. My sister got induced 2 times without a good reason (she was just tired of being pregnant).

[atomic sagebrush]

You would probably be very surprised that in my area it's not that unusual to have huge families (we have a couple of religious groups in pretty high numbers). I went to school with lots of families that had 8-10 children and they ALL had mixed genders too BTW!!

It's very interesting to me the difference between the US and Europe in terms of numbers of children we have. Although those of us with more than 2 children (even more than one, in some circles) do definitely have our share of people thinking we are a little bit unusual in the US as well, many people in Europe have very, very strong social pressures to have only one or two children. Much more than the US on average.

This is one of those reasons why I cringe a LOT when some people on sway sites act like no one can have gender desire for a first child. Yes, some of us have 4-5-6 of the same gender. And that does seem like a raw deal sometimes. But if you can probably only have 1-2 children max by virtue of finances or social constraints then of course it's natural to have a preference and feel very uptight over that. :)

[Burakoam]

I have some PTSD related to the birth of my DD2...And they arent really good about listening to my concerns. DD2 measured small by their (stupid) piece of measuring tape so even though i was telling them something wasnt right and i could feel her really high in my ribs..like much higher than my first had ever been and i often thought she was going to break them...she didnt but she did get stuck in my pelvis. They told me that when i pushed her head was not even making a turtle motion, she was just stuck period. There was a huge scene (they try and keep the mom as calm as possible but you know something is wrong when you push for an hour and there is no progress and the NICU team rushes in and doesnt even introduce themselves...but who else could they be?) and then a team of nurses were in the room, threw the head of the bed back and told me to push while they pressed down on my stomach trying to get the baby out enough for the doctor to grab her. again she could not budge, her shoulders were stuck on my pelvis, doctor had to reach up and pop her shoulder out of socket to get her out of me...officially called shoulder dystocia..She was born purple with wide eyes that i still haunt me to this day. I held her all of 5 seconds when they initially placed her in my arms wiping her off hoping that would be enough to start her and it wasnt...they took her to the incubator and worked on her and i heard them say they were at the time limit and it was their last chance to revive her after what felt like several minutes and it was that last attempt when my DD2 gave her weakest possible cry to indicate she was 'there' and then they whisked her off to nicu and during ALL OF THIS i still had no clue what had just happened until after when a nurse only briefly explained what had happened. I was mortified they broke her shoulder and that was her first life experience basically...all of which she didnt even get the comfort of her mother she had known for 9 months during any of this or after because she still was barely breathing and they had to get her to NICU..

I had begged for a c section the end of that pregnancy and they denied me. shes just small they said. i was 37 weeks 5 days when she was born, i went into labor at 37 + 4...she was 9 pounds and 2 ounces..22 inches long.

So they fixed their mistake with DD3 by offering my a c section. DD3 was only 8 pounds but i was just too scared to have her vaginally...so while i hate thinking i could have probably done an 8 pound baby (DD1 needed vacuumed out but she was still out 'naturally'...7 pounds 15 ounces) I just cant risk ever having what happened to DD2 happen to me again...

The 'feeling like i'll die' is a figure of speech. I hate the last 6 weeks or so of pregnancy. i dont do well. Im huge, and uncomfortable, and alot like your sister where i just dont want to be pregnant anymore... im a spoiled brat thats really lucky to have the advances in science and technology that we have but i dont really have any shame in that. I dont enjoy pregnancy one bit..im in it for the baby at the end, lol

The thing about c sections at least where i live is they will NOT induce you if you are going to have a c section for any reason before 39 weeks unless of health related issues...pre e, water breaks, cervix is fully effaced and dialated to at least a 4 to show you are 'transitioning' to active labor if not already in it..some doctors in my practice even prefer 5 before they will do a section before 39 weeks..Its ridiculous and yet i dont have a choice because again i cannot risk another bad vaginal birth.

[Throwaway_panther]

Wel fortunately then :) I notice that a lot of people are struggling with having kids, so we can only be blessed if things go well.

I'm not going to go into detail about your healthcare as Atomic requested. I understand and can imagine this is a sensitive topic.

Wow, maybe 4 kids even? It's funny, I have the feeling that a lot of people on this forum have 3 kids or more. In our country, it's not very common to have more than 2 kids. 3 maybe, but more than 3 is really an exception. I have a lot of respect for parents of 3 and more children. That seems a lot of work :) Would you really like to have twins? I would stress out my whole pregnancy since it's really a risk pregnancy. But maybe that's because of my background ofcourse. It's great that you'd do anything to have a boy. I can relate to that :) I'm thinking the same of a girl.

So you've got another 4 years: 4 years for 3 kids, right? ;) and if you get twins it's even better :) I see it a lot that guys of 35 and older still get kids. But I understand you rather want to be a young parent...I also wanted to have a child before I turned out 30 and that would have happened if we wouldn't have lost her :( But I turned 30 last month (which was really hard) and sometimes I'm also afraid hat I'm already getting 'old' for a first child.

You're totally not getting old for that first child -- over here at least, the average age of a FTM is definitely getting to around 30, and I know tons of women (my mom even back in the '80s!) who had their first child at 30! Plus, being over 30 has nothing to do with fertility or anything either... I could wax long and hard on all of that, haha, but needless to say the "myth" of 30 being older for a mom in terms of fertility is based on old census records!

Over here the average number of kids is still 1.13 or something, and has dropped from the 1.7 it used to be -- but, there are definitely still larger families over here. I've been told by friends and families in other countries that it's all our space over here, haha

I'm one of 3 and my DH is one of 4, so we always wanted at least 3 -- more playmates for each other, no "I hate my one other sibling" hopefully since there will always be at least a pairing off somewhere haha, etc. We're both of the "if 4 happens, it happens" type deal. I think on here you're going to generally get a larger portion of bigger families because we're "trying" for a particular sex, though I know there are lots of families on here who do just want bigger families regardless, so swaying is just icing on the cake!

Getting kids done sooner is more my DH than me, even though I'd had that pocket dream of them all done by 30 (that's more of a weird Type A thing than anything, haha). He worries about being "too old" to run around and play with our kids (his father, of course, digs at this with him all the time since he'd had his last kid by the time my husband had his first); he also is very set on hoping to be retired and have the kids out of the house (or at least adults) haha.

It's funny you say that about the twins -- I probably WOULD be stressing the whole time because of the higher risk! I wouldn't even be able to deliver with my midwife if I had them, haha, and yet I still think "2 for 1 though!!" I fully echo Buro -- I'm in this for the baby; pregnancy is hard and dangerous and LONG... if I can be more efficient about it and have twins, I'm all for that haha

I'm sorry turning 30 was so hard for you <3 Truly do not stress about age with your pregnancies -- you're definitely in a good place for them.

[XXforhubby]

I agree with TP, you are NOT too old for your first pregnancy!! I got pregnant with my DS1 at 30 and had him right before I turned 31. I got pregnant and had my DS3 when I was 33. I got pregnant with my DS3 when I was 35 and had him right after I turned 36. I'm 37 and just got my BFP this morning.

Don't lose hope! It WILL absolutely happen for you and don't let anyone discourage you or make you feel insecure about starting your family.

I'm sending you sticky bean vibes your way- [emoji8][emoji92][emoji93][emoji94]



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]One Last Pink Sway[emoji166]
https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920/thumb.png
My Ovulation Chart (https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

[sigrid86]

You would probably be very surprised that in my area it's not that unusual to have huge families (we have a couple of religious groups in pretty high numbers). I went to school with lots of families that had 8-10 children and they ALL had mixed genders too BTW!!

It's very interesting to me the difference between the US and Europe in terms of numbers of children we have. Although those of us with more than 2 children (even more than one, in some circles) do definitely have our share of people thinking we are a little bit unusual in the US as well, many people in Europe have very, very strong social pressures to have only one or two children. Much more than the US on average.

This is one of those reasons why I cringe a LOT when some people on sway sites act like no one can have gender desire for a first child. Yes, some of us have 4-5-6 of the same gender. And that does seem like a raw deal sometimes. But if you can probably only have 1-2 children max by virtue of finances or social constraints then of course it's natural to have a preference and feel very uptight over that. :)

I'm indeed surprised :) Oh my god, 8-10 children....I can't even imagine how that must be. I can't even cook for 6 :D

I also think there may be a difference in the US and Europe, but don't you think there's also a difference between the city and the country side in the US? I would think that social and financial pressures are overall greater in the city than country side. I just wouldn't know how to deal with more than 3 kids (even 3!) only from a financial point of view. Not to mention that we need to be 2 working parents to pay off our loan. But of course, that's all very different for everyone. Although I think there are a lot of people in Belgium who'd say that.

I'm glad you understand why we sway for our first and/or second child. We just don't have so many chances if you don't plan to make more than 2 children :)

[sigrid86]

I have some PTSD related to the birth of my DD2...And they arent really good about listening to my concerns. DD2 measured small by their (stupid) piece of measuring tape so even though i was telling them something wasnt right and i could feel her really high in my ribs..like much higher than my first had ever been and i often thought she was going to break them...she didnt but she did get stuck in my pelvis. They told me that when i pushed her head was not even making a turtle motion, she was just stuck period. There was a huge scene (they try and keep the mom as calm as possible but you know something is wrong when you push for an hour and there is no progress and the NICU team rushes in and doesnt even introduce themselves...but who else could they be?) and then a team of nurses were in the room, threw the head of the bed back and told me to push while they pressed down on my stomach trying to get the baby out enough for the doctor to grab her. again she could not budge, her shoulders were stuck on my pelvis, doctor had to reach up and pop her shoulder out of socket to get her out of me...officially called shoulder dystocia..She was born purple with wide eyes that i still haunt me to this day. I held her all of 5 seconds when they initially placed her in my arms wiping her off hoping that would be enough to start her and it wasnt...they took her to the incubator and worked on her and i heard them say they were at the time limit and it was their last chance to revive her after what felt like several minutes and it was that last attempt when my DD2 gave her weakest possible cry to indicate she was 'there' and then they whisked her off to nicu and during ALL OF THIS i still had no clue what had just happened until after when a nurse only briefly explained what had happened. I was mortified they broke her shoulder and that was her first life experience basically...all of which she didnt even get the comfort of her mother she had known for 9 months during any of this or after because she still was barely breathing and they had to get her to NICU..

I had begged for a c section the end of that pregnancy and they denied me. shes just small they said. i was 37 weeks 5 days when she was born, i went into labor at 37 + 4...she was 9 pounds and 2 ounces..22 inches long.

So they fixed their mistake with DD3 by offering my a c section. DD3 was only 8 pounds but i was just too scared to have her vaginally...so while i hate thinking i could have probably done an 8 pound baby (DD1 needed vacuumed out but she was still out 'naturally'...7 pounds 15 ounces) I just cant risk ever having what happened to DD2 happen to me again...

The 'feeling like i'll die' is a figure of speech. I hate the last 6 weeks or so of pregnancy. i dont do well. Im huge, and uncomfortable, and alot like your sister where i just dont want to be pregnant anymore... im a spoiled brat thats really lucky to have the advances in science and technology that we have but i dont really have any shame in that. I dont enjoy pregnancy one bit..im in it for the baby at the end, lol

The thing about c sections at least where i live is they will NOT induce you if you are going to have a c section for any reason before 39 weeks unless of health related issues...pre e, water breaks, cervix is fully effaced and dialated to at least a 4 to show you are 'transitioning' to active labor if not already in it..some doctors in my practice even prefer 5 before they will do a section before 39 weeks..Its ridiculous and yet i dont have a choice because again i cannot risk another bad vaginal birth.

Wow Burakoam, I can imagine that you have PTSD related to your DD2's birth. What an awful experience! That must have been so terrifying for you. Especially since you can't do anything while all those people are standing around you. What did they say about it afterwards? Did they at least apologize? I'm so glad she survived! How long did it eventually take that you could hold her with you? I'm in a loss support group so I hear everyone's story and I read it sooo often that when someone's in labor and things don't go right, the medical staff just don't say anything to the parents. That's just inhumane...they should be the first to say what's wrong.

Ofcourse you asked for a c section! Now I understand why you don't want to deliver naturally again. That's a trauma for life. I had a friend who had a similar story; her delivery was also super dangerous for herself after a while. So now she just don't want another child. They had only one girl and that's it. It's just too traumatic for her to be pregnant again.

Oh ok fortunately it's a figure of speech :) I can't say how the last 6 weeks are, but I can imagine it's just hard at the end. You're totally right to benefit from the advanced science and technology, I feel the same way. I will always ask for an epidural, although a lot of people say they want to experience it naturally. But I'm just so afraid of all that pain that I don't want to put myself in that situation :)
I enjoyed my pregnancy actually, only not the first months (until Week 10) because I was so nauseous, but after that I felt great. Ofcourse I hated it again from the moment we got the bad news...

It's really a pity for you that they don't induce you earlier with a c section. Hopefully your daughter wants to see the world a bit earlier, maybe at 37 weeks? ;) But you're right, it's ridiculous. Did you already ask in another hospital?

[sigrid86]

You're totally not getting old for that first child -- over here at least, the average age of a FTM is definitely getting to around 30, and I know tons of women (my mom even back in the '80s!) who had their first child at 30! Plus, being over 30 has nothing to do with fertility or anything either... I could wax long and hard on all of that, haha, but needless to say the "myth" of 30 being older for a mom in terms of fertility is based on old census records!

Over here the average number of kids is still 1.13 or something, and has dropped from the 1.7 it used to be -- but, there are definitely still larger families over here. I've been told by friends and families in other countries that it's all our space over here, haha

I'm one of 3 and my DH is one of 4, so we always wanted at least 3 -- more playmates for each other, no "I hate my one other sibling" hopefully since there will always be at least a pairing off somewhere haha, etc. We're both of the "if 4 happens, it happens" type deal. I think on here you're going to generally get a larger portion of bigger families because we're "trying" for a particular sex, though I know there are lots of families on here who do just want bigger families regardless, so swaying is just icing on the cake!

Getting kids done sooner is more my DH than me, even though I'd had that pocket dream of them all done by 30 (that's more of a weird Type A thing than anything, haha). He worries about being "too old" to run around and play with our kids (his father, of course, digs at this with him all the time since he'd had his last kid by the time my husband had his first); he also is very set on hoping to be retired and have the kids out of the house (or at least adults) haha.

It's funny you say that about the twins -- I probably WOULD be stressing the whole time because of the higher risk! I wouldn't even be able to deliver with my midwife if I had them, haha, and yet I still think "2 for 1 though!!" I fully echo Buro -- I'm in this for the baby; pregnancy is hard and dangerous and LONG... if I can be more efficient about it and have twins, I'm all for that haha

I'm sorry turning 30 was so hard for you <3 Truly do not stress about age with your pregnancies -- you're definitely in a good place for them.

Thank you, that's so nice! I know I'm not 'old' but I just see many women get their first child at least before turning 30. It's nice to hear that I'm not alone :) There are just not a lot of friends who don't have children yet. Most of them get their first around 27-28 y old. We actually started when I just turned 28 but due to a new job, then having toxoplasmosis (so had to wait another 3 months) and then our loss I'm still here without a child :( I hate it! I always wanted my first before turning 30 also because I was afraid we'd have fertility issues. I hear sooo many people around me having trouble conceiving. But fortunately that's not the case! You're probably right about the fertility thing. But I do believe that you're less fertile after 35. At least that's what my ob says and what I read.

Haha it's indeed maybe all the space in the US :D just what I told Atomic...I do think it plays a role. But of course there are so many other factors. We also want to keep travelling and that just seems difficult while having more than 2 or 3 kids. Also financially it would be hard I think.
I see it also with friends who where 3 or 4 kids in their family, they often want a big family too. So as I said, there are several reasons I guess.

I can understand your DH :) I think it's exhausting still being very active of you're 70 for example :D and also, you can spend more time with your grandchildren. But I don't think it's fair for his father to compare since in our parent's days, it was normal to have kids about 5 years earlier than we.

Yes it's just something with our loss terrifies me. Having twins is really risky. My ob was also really glad it's only one :) But of course most of the time it goes well...I also have the feeling that you won't maybe enjoy them to the fullest because you're so busy all the time. But that's everyone's preference of course ;)
Oh yeah, pregnancy is soooo long! I already had that with my pregnancy, I counted every day...so I'm hoping this pregnancy will not feel so long.

Thanks that's sweet. Turning 30 was just hard because I would have had a baby of 3 months by then, it's not really the number. It's just that it was supposed to be a lot different. Thank you for the feel good text ;)

[sigrid86]

I agree with TP, you are NOT too old for your first pregnancy!! I got pregnant with my DS1 at 30 and had him right before I turned 31. I got pregnant and had my DS3 when I was 33. I got pregnant with my DS3 when I was 35 and had him right after I turned 36. I'm 37 and just got my BFP this morning.

Don't lose hope! It WILL absolutely happen for you and don't let anyone discourage you or make you feel insecure about starting your family.

I'm sending you sticky bean vibes your way- [emoji8][emoji92][emoji93][emoji94]



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]One Last Pink Sway[emoji166]
https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920/thumb.png
My Ovulation Chart (https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

Thanks XXforHubby! It's nice to hear that you have 3 kids and your first was born when you were turning 31 :) Nice age gaps btw, I hope your sons like to play together?
And woooow, a huge congratulations!! That's great news :) Did you ttc and did you sway for a long time? That means we're only 3 weeks apart (I'm 7w4d pregnant today - due 3 September) :)

Thank you for your kind words! It feels good to read this. I'm Xing my fingers for you that you will have a sticky pink bean! Good luck! :hug2:

[XXforhubby]

My boys are best friends [emoji4]! The older two love my DS3 and play with him too. My oldest who was 5 when he was born said to me at the hospital, "I wish we would have been triplets so we could play with him " [emoji4].

We have been TTCing for 11mo and swaying for a year!

Come join me in the sept/oct/nov due date thread!!



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji1317]for pink[emoji166]
https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920/thumb.png
My Ovulation Chart (https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

[sigrid86]

My boys are best friends [emoji4]! The older two love my DS3 and play with him too. My oldest who was 5 when he was born said to me at the hospital, "I wish we would have been triplets so we could play with him " [emoji4].

We have been TTCing for 11mo and swaying for a year!

Come join me in the sept/oct/nov due date thread!!



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji1317]for pink[emoji166]
https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920/thumb.png
My Ovulation Chart (https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

Oh wow, that's sooo sweet :) And great to hear they love playing together!

Oh that's a long time! Let's hope it finally got you your daughter. I'll cross my fingers!

I didn't know there was already a sep/oct/nov due thread. I'm gonna look for it right away :) Thanks!

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm indeed surprised :) Oh my god, 8-10 children....I can't even imagine how that must be. I can't even cook for 6 :D

I also think there may be a difference in the US and Europe, but don't you think there's also a difference between the city and the country side in the US? I would think that social and financial pressures are overall greater in the city than country side. I just wouldn't know how to deal with more than 3 kids (even 3!) only from a financial point of view. Not to mention that we need to be 2 working parents to pay off our loan. But of course, that's all very different for everyone. Although I think there are a lot of people in Belgium who'd say that.

I'm glad you understand why we sway for our first and/or second child. We just don't have so many chances if you don't plan to make more than 2 children :)

Obviously it's more difficult to have a large family in a truly huge city where most live in apartments or whatever, but this was in a city of half-a-million people. We did have suburban areas and that's where I lived. The church groups were very much into helping one another and had a lot of charity and assistance between families so I suspect that made it a lot easier. :) Most of the older kids did help out at home at least some.

[sigrid86]

Obviously it's more difficult to have a large family in a truly huge city where most live in apartments or whatever, but this was in a city of half-a-million people. We did have suburban areas and that's where I lived. The church groups were very much into helping one another and had a lot of charity and assistance between families so I suspect that made it a lot easier. :) Most of the older kids did help out at home at least some.

Wow, then it really has to do something with US-Europe differences...It's great that it's just possible! And it's so nice that families help eachother so much. Also something that's rare in the bigger cities I think..

[atomic sagebrush]

I think the suburbs make a lot of difference - probably not a lot of those in Europe, or are there???

Some of these families have massive homes that have 5-7 bedrooms in them. Hard to have that in small apartments and townhouses just from sheer lack of space! Even though they're in cities, it's a different type of neighborhood than a true city, I think.

Vive la difference! :)

[sigrid86]

I think the suburbs make a lot of difference - probably not a lot of those in Europe, or are there???

Some of these families have massive homes that have 5-7 bedrooms in them. Hard to have that in small apartments and townhouses just from sheer lack of space! Even though they're in cities, it's a different type of neighborhood than a true city, I think.

Vive la difference! :)

No we don't really have a lot of suburbs. It's so small we don't have a lot of country sides ;)

Wow, I'm imagining these beautiful big houses on the country side from the movies. Love them!

And your french is perfect :)

[atomic sagebrush]

:agree: it's all about the space for kiddos. I live in the west where there is more space and so even in cities you will find big homes with lawns and even people keeping horses and llamas and things like that, right in the city. In the eastern US it is more like what I assume Europe is like, with more apartment dwellers and row houses with small gardens. Hard to fit more than 2 kids in one of those! :)