blue swayers why??? [Archive] - Gender Dreaming Forums

atomic sagebrush

January 13th, 2017, 06:04 PM

Ladies, a question to help me understand better where you are coming from here.

Why are so many blue swayers so insistent on TTC within a year after having a baby??

It is something I see again and again with the people who have tons of girls, they are already TTC before the baby is even 6-9-12 months old. The interesting thing is that it has nothing to do with my recommendations, this is true even of newbies who have shown up who know nothing at all about swaying. (please understand this is NOT a "why aren't you guys doing it my way" question, it is a "why is this such a common thing with people who have girls?")

Is it a planning thing, is it a necessity thing, is it pressure coming from other people, is it a control-freak, boy mom thing (meaning that women who are control freaks/boy moms may have a harder time giving up control and thus they prefer a longer child spacing since things are easier to control that way), is it because girl babies are easier, is it...??? Most people want babies that are at least 2 years apart and yet I am seeing blue swayer after blue swayer who is actively TTC when their baby is 4-12 months old. The majority of people I know IRL don't even TTC until their baby is 18-24 months at least and often more.

I'm just really, really curious. Because this is one thing, just like the smoking husbands = way more girls, that is overwhelmingly going one direction to such an extent as I feel remiss in not asking about it.

4blue2pink

January 13th, 2017, 07:50 PM

hi atomic :) i have noticed this on here too.. just thought i would answer here because even though i am a pink swayer i have always started ttc right after each of my babies have been born, the smallest age gap i have between full-term babies is 13 months, the biggest age gap is 17 months, the others sit around the 14-16 month mark. (the gaps between my 1st-2nd and 2nd-3rd babies are less but my 2nd baby was lost mid pregnancy, if she had gone full term there would have been 12 months between my 1st and 2nd babies)

for me.. i love small age gaps!! :D some days are BRUTAL dont get me wrong!! but i have no regrets, even though most people think im stupid.
i also would love to have a big family but i am conscious of my age, i realise that i am not old by any means but there is a strong history of early menopause on one side of my family (we are talking 30's here!!) which worries me and also (this is purely a personal thing and comes with no judgement towards others) i have always wanted to have my kids young, i have nothing against women having their children later in life i just personally would like to be done before my mid 30's, which means i need to crack on if i want to make my big family dream a reality :)

from a more physical point of view i have been extremely lucky to have had very easy births, all quick normal deliveries at home with no tearing or major blood loss etc.. and have honestly always felt that there wasnt really any kind of recovery other than just waiting for the bleeding to stop, with my youngest i was back to walking the school run less than 24 hours after she was born because i felt fine and with 6 kids time off isnt really an option!!
my periods have always returned within 9-11 weeks following a full term birth and are regular right from the off. i breastfeed initially but always switch to bottles within the first 10 days and all my babies have slept 6-8 hours solid through the night from between 6-8 weeks old, as a result of all that i have had no need to avoid dtd due to stitches or pain or exhaustion etc.. so there is nothing physically putting me off ttc. i hope that wasnt tmi.. i apologise if it was, i just like to answer honestly where i can..

in response to your question i personally dont find girl babies easier.. my first live girl baby (#5) was no where near as laid back as my 4 boys, but that is just my experience :) in fact there is a big difference between my 2 youngest girls, the 1st one was hard work!! but my youngest (#6) who is also a girl is a dream!! i think each baby is different no matter what the gender, my 2nd boy was hard work too come to think of it!! and funnily enough despite having 4 boys im really not a control freak at all, (i really dont enjoy using opk's for girl sways!! i had never used them before swaying last time) i prefer to just let things be how they are going to be, ttc included..with the boys and my first 2 girls (#2 and #5) we just dtd unprotected and left it at that.. bfp would come along at some point :)

its funny now i sit here thinking about this.. when i got pregnant with my 2nd baby we both thought we would probably be 2 and through (though i think we would have gone on to have more later but i cant say for certain..) but then we lost her and everything changed, i feel for me losing her was-and is a huge driving force behind me wanting such a big family and the small age gaps thing just sorta falls in with it all for me, i was over the moon at the 12 month age gap that #1 and #2 were supposed to have, 2 kids 1 year apart was like a dream come true for me, even if at the time it was more like.. we can be done having babies and move on super quick!!.. (oh how things change!! haha)

i cant say whether i would still ttc so soon if i were a serious blue swayer as i know its a pink friendly tactic, and im not sure id want to hurt my chances by not waiting, but im not in that position so i probably shouldnt speculate!!

i wonder if its linked in some way to easy pregnancies, births and post natal experiences? just a thought :)

anyway.. sorry for the essay!! i just thought i would put my personal reasons out there even though im not swaying blue.. i hope it can be of some help :) and im really interested to see the other responses to this thread xx

Burakoam

January 13th, 2017, 10:08 PM

Honestly im probably just dumb. I had done the 4-5 year age gap thing 3 times. 2005, 2010, 2015...i figured maybe that was unintentionally actually swaying me pink waiting so long in between to where my body may have been 'resetting' so to speak..Then my husband wanted 2 bio babies but i really didnt want to be pregnant in my 30's..not just because of the increased risks to baby but because im only 28 and this pregnancy is SO hard on me NOW..i just cant imagine letting another 3 years even pass before even bothering to get pregnant when pregnancy itself is almost a year long. I dont know how you older mama's do it, you have so much admiration and awe from me for sure.

This is something that, yes, is seemingly swaying more pink..and i guess i see so many women who have boys close in age that for me i figured id just be one of them and i was getting girls waiting so long and if i did it sooner i would get my boy...

I think you'd be surprised how many women may come on here and cite the above ^^^ as their reason. I know on this site it seems to be more heavily pink, yet in real life it seems everyone who has kids close in age has a bunch of boys and those who wait a few years or more have more girls..

MiaMelb

January 13th, 2017, 10:17 PM

Anecdotally I've noticed this too Atomic.

For myself I've always wanted my kids to be closer in age. I came from a girl heavy family and there was 5.5 years between my sister and I and we weren't close at all growing up so wanted to try and encourage some closeness through shared interests etc. Funnily enough I think I have a lot of the controlling, planning and perfectionist traits boy mums are more typically known for so I think after having my girls my mind very quickly moves onto achieving the next goal, creating that 'perfect' family. Having a little boy is just the next goal. Having said that, since the next will be #3 I can't comprehend the logistics of having 3 kids under 4 so have decided to wait to ttc our boy. On one hand I would really like to just get on with my sway but I'm going to give us at least another year to stop and enjoy the time I have with our DDs.

dancingdiva88

January 13th, 2017, 11:52 PM

As one of those blue swayers who is swaying soon after having DD (she is 11 months now) mine is a combination of a few things.
1. Being an only child, I did get lonely a lot. I didn't want to have kids too far apart in age that they wouldn't play together (although they may have completely different personalities and hate playing together too!)
2. I had stage 3 endometriosis removed the month before I conceived my DD. I managed to fall straight away and everything is nice and clean in there. I've had two PPAFs but I was told by my RE while pregnant with my DD "not to wait too long between kids as the endo slowly comes back". Hence I feel being so 'fresh and clean' the chances of my fertility being higher now for a boy are better than in say 2 years time.
3. The typical control boy-mum personality. I need a 'plan'. I've had a baby, now I want a boy, so what do I need to do mentality.

So that's my reasons. In all honesty if I could "wait it out another year I would", I just feel my fertility will suffer (swaying pink then anyway if I even managed to fall).

business.woman

January 14th, 2017, 03:55 PM

for me it is the success that I had in swaying ,
I always wanted to be a boy mom ! and after I found this forum and a successful boy sway , I can`t wait to do it again !
also I wanted a small age gab .
I raised my DD alone for 5 years , I regret it now for waiting so long, she`s so happy with having a brother now.

Throwaway_panther

January 14th, 2017, 04:45 PM

I echo Buro: I've seen so many Irish twins, let alone just a simple age gap of 18-24 months between births, of boys that I think there might just be a blip in observations because of the moms coming here wanting boys. There's so many women with close aged boys on here wanting girls, even soon after pregnancy, too. I don't see the hard evidence anywhere yet to say that swaying close together necessarily means "girls," and even bre just got her boy after three girls and her youngest wasn't even a year, I believe? Definitely not 2 years, for sure.

I think we're just a microcosm because we're where the moms of many girls come to get boys who really WANT boys, not that the moms of many girls always will keep getting girls if they try close together. I'm also not sure about that 18-24 months before trying again! My DD's pediatrician joked at our first appointment that she can count on one hand the mothers who aren't pregnant again by their kid's 12 month appointment, so I think the "trying again at around a year" is actually pretty common. I'd actually posit that with the rising age of FTMs, it's likely to get even more common because so many women are having their kids older that the "clock" seems to be ticking more, so there's not as much time to space them.

Outside of those thoughts, my personal reasons are varied, but include: my husband is almost a decade older than me so we really want to be done sooner rather than later (and I'm sort of like Buro -- I wanted to be done before my 30s, but at this rate I may end up there anyway based on my losses and having to wait for thyroid stuff!). I'm a planner, and I had always dreamed "diapers and done" with my kids, so having them all close together was always part of the plan; having them all close together for their benefits and my benefits has only been emphasized with my nasty work experience post-maternity leave. If I had had a boy first, I still would have been trying at at least a year. And knowing what I need to do to get a boy makes me want one sooner rather than later, because my baseline is definitely so LE that I don't know how long I could be a "snacker and eater" even if keeping calories low, you know? I'm such a control freak, and controlling my intake is my go to... so that's still a hard one for me, for sure.

I don't know, maybe the most basic response is, "I don't feel I will be completely happy until I get a boy; how can I wait even longer for happiness?" which is chock full of some heavy stuff, I'm sure. But I'm waiting now anyway!

cosmosis

January 14th, 2017, 04:50 PM

I dunno. I'm swaying blue after 10 years lol so I don't think I count here, but just to throw it out there, my DH is an irish twin, youngest of two boys. My ex was the youngest of 4 brothers and they are all pretty close in age, no more than 2 years.

atomic sagebrush

January 14th, 2017, 05:42 PM

The average spacing between American babies is 2-3 years apart, 30 months to pin it down to the month, so the data is on my side regardless of what someone's pediatrician says. In the UK it's even longer at 36-41 months on average. in a study of 51 other countries the average was 32 months.

It is NOT common to TTC when a baby is 4 months old and yet this is something I am seeing again and again amongst my blue swayers. In fact we just had several newbies show up since the start of the year who were TTC with very tiny babies. It's unusual. Not something I see IRL or among pink swayers as a general rule. Hence, my question. The purpose of my question was not "I have a theory and I am in search of data to prove it correct." The purpose of my question is, "this seems to be happening again and again and so I am curious about what the reasoning is."

I will reiterate that I have some pretty serious, well thought out and important reasons why I think you guys should wait past 12 months to TTC if you want a boy. Yes, some people can still conceive boys close together, and I have never said otherwise. I believe it is due to maternal condition and improved fertility enabling a majority of women who are in the best condition and the most fertile to be able to get pregnant again. Many of us are not even seeing our periods return till at least 9-12-18 months, and so people who are able to ovulate and conceive sooner than this, are by default, in better condition and/or eating better than women whose cycles are not coming back that soon. We are also seeing a very, very strong trend where women who are inexplicably taking months/years to get pregnant (reduced fertility) are having girls even with otherwise great blue sways. Reduced fertility probably sways pink. Do I have a study proving this, not yet. But based on the data that I have seen, it's shaking out that way.

Since it's probable that better condition and higher fertility sway blue, we cannot view child spacing thru the same sort of cause and effect lens that we do other sway tactics. Blue Irish Twins do NOT debunk the idea. Women who are able to ovulate and get pregnant within X number of months are NOT a randomly selected sample of the population as a whole. They may be coming in more set for blue, and if something (like close child spacing) takes a person who is 80% likely to have a boy, to 60% likely to have a boy, that is a huge pink sway but would still yield more boys. And then if a person who was coming in at 50-50 did that exact same thing, they'd possibly drop their odds from 50-50 b/g to 30% likely to have a boy.

What we are trying to do here is OPTIMIZE odds of success. You may not personally want optimal odds of success and you may personally have the luxury of TTC many times without any real consequences of that. Other people are not so lucky and are in a position of having ONE chance at another baby. Other people are even less lucky and are in a position where they will probably have to have an abortion if they get pregnant with a girl. Sorry, straight talk here, but entirely true. We have people here from around the world including some women who are in pretty extreme situations and MUST have a boy.

Ladies, I cannot stress it to you strongly enough, that with 9 years of experience on these two boards and 46 years of experience on the Planet Earth the majority of which has been immersed in baby-related bizness (first my mom's pregnancies and then my own), with every fiber of my being, if you want the BEST chance at a boy, you should wait between kiddos. Disregard if you would like, and I will still be happy to help you have the best sway you can, but I do not and will not ever think you are giving yourself the best chance at a boy.

This question was not intended to be about swaying. It wasn't meant to be an opportunity for people to sound off on why I'm completely wrong on the subject and then for me to have to derail the entire thing going off on it. It was meant because when I see a trend, I want to know why that trend is happening. I NEVER forget that we are a self-selected group of people on here, but I am still pretty capable of spotting a trend when I see one, and that is a definite trend. The reason why I ask these type of questions is not to prove swaying true, it is to enable me to help you guys to have better sways. If you have sway questions or want to debate about swaying, let's do that in a DIFFERENT thread if you don't mind.

Now, I would still love to hear from people about why they wanted to have their kids really close together. It's very helpful to me to be able to understand people's reasoning choosing particular things vs. the other. I really appreciate the effort that people put into answering these kind of largely hypothetical and personal questions. :)

4blue2pink

January 14th, 2017, 06:01 PM

cosmosis

January 14th, 2017, 06:21 PM

Both of my grandmothers have 9 children each (pretty much 50/50). I have an aunt who has all girls and an aunt with all boys. The girls are all back to back with the exception of the youngest. The boys are spaced out.

My guess, based on my experience with the family is that when the girls come first, there is a sense of urgency to get the boy and be "done". Just about every man wants a son and the woman does get pressured more often than not. They continue to have tries until they get their boy.

If the boys come first, it is more relaxed. I girl would be welcomed but there's no pressure.

This may be key. It would be helpful if boy swayers shared a bit of background to connect some dots.

I can't help but have that sense of urgency in the back of my mind as well and would feel so much more relaxed if my first child in this marriage was a boy.

atomic sagebrush

January 14th, 2017, 07:38 PM

atomic have you found that typically the blue sway mums on here have had all their girls close together? where as the pink swayers typically have bigger gaps between their boys?
its funny, as a pink swayer i really do feel in the minority with my close spacing, yet the blue swayers seem to by and large be on the same page as me where that is concerned. i almost feel i belong with them abit more in a way :) dont get me wrong the pink swayers have been nothing but kind and supportive to me <3 its just i feel i relate to the blue swayers more in some ways.. even though im swaying in the opposite direction to them!! xx

Ok there is this concept that I call "an important minority" where (just like with guys smoking, and couples taking a long time to TTC) there's not a majority of blue swayers, but a pretty big chunk of them. A big enough chunk to be noticeable. there is certainly a set of boy moms who have a closer spacing, and boy moms whose husbands smoke, and boy moms who took longer on average to get pregnant, and girl moms for whom all the opposite things are true, but if I set the two groups side by side, even tho we have far fewer blue swayers, they would swamp the boy moms in those things.

Works the other way too, with recovery from eating disorders and a certain type of control freaky personality being an important minority of pink swayers, but there are a few blue swayers in there too. not many, but a few. (and usually their blue sways succeed too!)

Now, this is hard for people to see sometimes because not only are many of my blue swayers Custom Plan people who never even venture out into the forums and so you guys never talk to or even know about them, but also because OF the exceptions. There are, like I said, some boy moms with a closer spacing/husbands smoking/take longer to get pregnant, and girl moms who didn't, and so it's easy to think "well so and so doesn't fit this" but with so few blue swayers comparatively to the pink swayers, and yet these things I see come up again and again, it catches my eye. What we're trying to do here is solve the riddle and to do that, we have to look at the trends and what is really going on with people.

I am always on the lookout for REAL WORLD reasons why some people have mostly boys and others have mostly girls. Because the idea that it's coming down to cranberries and baking soda, when no one ever did that until 20 years ago, it makes no sense. If swaying works, and I believe that it does or I wouldn't waste my time, it has to make sense in the real world. With things that people do accidentally or deliberately that makes some people have 6 girls in a row and others have 6 boys in a row at a rate which exceeds random chance - because that much, at the least, has been proven, some families do have more boys or girls than is statistically expected. If the answer is something that does not happen in the real world, like 10 day cutoffs or egg whites up the wazzoo, it's really unlikely that is why people who have never heard of swaying get boys or girls. So things like child spacing catch my eye because that is something that may be easy enough to stumble your way into by accident (because you can't get pregnant until your cycle comes back) or on purpose (people who want a certain child spacing) and just seems something very much worthy of an investigation. :)

dancingdiva88

January 14th, 2017, 08:16 PM

Cosmo I wholeheartedly agree!
I have a lot of pressure from my DH's father and grandfather to have a boy otherwise the "family name" dies with DH. 'Old school thinkers'.
There are a lot of family heirlooms that get passed down to the first born son etc. and I keep hearing "who will we pass blah thing down to?".
Sure they love our DD but he isn't the "boy". They have such a proud Scottish family heritage with a coat of arms and all that jazz.
So apart from my endo growing back, I feel pressure to produce a son to keep the family going. I actually feel like I disappointed my DH's family which sounds awful.
I feel the same as cosmo that I would be so much more relaxed and wouldn't care if the next was a boy or girl if I got my boy first.

nholtz87

January 15th, 2017, 07:54 AM

For me I do love my kids close in age but mostly it's a time thing I'll be 30 in Aug and don't want to be pregnant after 30. Also my son is begging for a brother and my dh doesn't have a bio son. My dh has always thought of my son as his own however the bio dad keeps telling our 5 yr old that dh isn't his dad and blah blah blah even tho he was never around until end of last yr. I want dh to have that special bond a father and son have and someone to idolize him like my son does his bio dad (which hopefully he grows out of cuz his bio dad isn't a good person. Lives off his poor mom)
Course now I'm kinda a bummed reading this. I didn't know close spacing sways pink but I guess it makes sense. First 2 girls 18mos apart 3Rd was my boy youngest was 4 when I got pregnant with him. Course I got pregnant with my 4th when he was 2 and a half and had a girl. Lost number 5 to mmc but concieved her when ydd was 9mos. Got pregnant 4moms after loss to have our now ydd. And we decided to try this month and she is 8 and a half months old. I've only ever worried that I'd die during delivery from having kids to close which is why I try to get closer to a yr. But I guess if jm not pregnant this month, maybe we will wait until next winter to try again (heard cold sways boy)
Course there was a cyst found in my uterus last week ( a small one) and I'm super scared of that now. Idk if it matters but I'm adhd and that might also be why I try soon. I'm more of an act now kind of person. I pray if I am pregnant everything goes ok and that cyst is nothing, and if I'm not pregnant that dh will still want to try again in 6 months

nholtz87

January 15th, 2017, 07:54 AM

That's another thing, I'm afraid if we don't try now dh will change his mind

nholtz87

January 15th, 2017, 08:05 AM

I would like to however throw in there though that I do have a friend who spaces her children 18mos to 2 years apart and she has 6 girls and just last yr had her first boy. (They don't try for certain genders and will continue having kids until they can't ) and my husbands ex who he had our 3r dd with has all boys except her all from 4 different dad's (dh is one of 5 guys to one of her five kids) her first 2 are close in age kinda and both boys, then the girl and that was like when her youngest was 4 or 5 and then when dd was 3 she got pregnant with her 3rd boy and when he was 3mo old she fell pregnant again with her 4th boy. Mind u she was also doing drugs and smoking and her kids dad's smoked. I think my dh just makes girls prolly.

nholtz87

January 15th, 2017, 08:06 AM

This month I actually ovulated during full moon so let's see if that old wives tale works;)
Otherwise like I said I think maybe we will start trying next Nov if not pregnant already

sigrid86

January 15th, 2017, 11:04 AM

If I can bump in...
I'm in a loss support group on fb with only women who experienced a loss during or at pregnancy. We all want a baby as soon as possible after our loss so there's very little time between our 2 pregnancies. For what I noticed, the average on getting pregnant is about 3-4 months after the loss (some faster, some later). And it's true, from what I see there are more women who are pregnant with girls now. On the other hand, there was a question once if the gender of the baby after the loss was the same. 10 women answered and 8 women had the same gender. Idk anymore if there were more women who answered that question or not. So that's the lifesty I guess.
But in general, it seems more women of our group get girls...

atomic sagebrush

January 15th, 2017, 01:55 PM

Please don't be bummed, N, it is something that we can still sway and give you a good chance of a boy. It's not a set in stone thing, but these trends, when I see them, I have to investigate.

That is some of what I'm wondering about. Being an act now kind of person, wanting to be done with babies and onto other things, worrying about your health but still going ahead with it, etc, vs. being (like the way I tended to approach it) was very methodical, very much "there is this one right way to do this and I am going to do that because of whatever reason". It's just intriguing to me because I do think there are some personality differences and being a boy mom myself for the most part, it is harder for me to understand.

I know that with my daughter, I had some very big worries about my health/age but did go for it anyway - and I had historically not conceived for 13 years between DS 2 and 3 because I was so worried about my health!! So clearly something was different in my mindset, between skipping 13 years of my primo childbearing years because of health anxiety vs. going for it at 42 years old!!

Thank you very much for sounding off, it's very helpful to me.

BabsNMK

January 15th, 2017, 03:03 PM

I'm not a blue swayer but found this post very interesting. My boys are 30 months apart. With both I had a strong sense of urgency for who knows what reason. I did not want them very close in age (and they are not) but I felt time was of the essence. In my mind I have an imaginary clock I'm always chasing down and with my first I had just turned 30 and knew I wanted a baby st 30. Crazy. My second I wanted to conceive exactly when they would be two years apart. It actually took us about 5 months to get pregnant but I was stressed the entire time that it was taking too long. It wasn't because of my age this time, it was just a sense that they had to be two years.

For my sway/current pregnancy I finally gave up with the timeline. I honestly thought it would take months to get pregnant so I was shocked it didn't. And I don't care. I originally wanted to get in before I turned 35 so I wouldn't be advanced maternal age, but it just didn't seem to matter anymore when we finally decided to try. I don't know what this is...could definitely be another boy but that remains to be seen at this point.

Girlieplease

January 15th, 2017, 03:38 PM

nholtz87

January 15th, 2017, 05:20 PM

Only real health scare is just having kids close together also I worry about amniotic embolism however I worry bout that with all pregnancies. I have horrible anxiety about something happening to me and me leaving my kids.
Also now they found a cyst in my uterus however I had already dtd before finding it. Being 29 it should only be a cyst and not cancer but if I'm not pregnant again I'd want to wait until next Dec to try again. But when discussing with my husband if after cyst is checked and good he'd want to try sooner than later. I'm also scared to get also other period becuz cyst made it terribly painful and bloody

atomic sagebrush

January 15th, 2017, 06:35 PM

The more and more I read about swaying, the more I discover that there is in some cases a factor or a certain combination of factors that determine the sex and try as you might you cannot influence it. My first two are 18 months apart. I got pregnant first post partum egg, no period, while still breast feeding my dd ( 8 -9 months) with an underdiagnosised thyriod problem and very much over weight and no exercise. Everythung tells me that ds1 should have been a girl but alas. My first two girl and boy were conceived with multiple attempts in my fertile window, while ds2 was one attempt in my fertile window.

I did wonder atomic if swaying very soon after a baby is born might be similar to swaying after a miscarriage or loss and therefore more likely to sway pink? Maybe this is why alot of blue swayers are getting girls when they try to get pregnant so recently after having a baby?

I have noticed a few pink swayers wanting to try again and talking about trying again before current failed sway baby has arrived. But I thought this was maybe due to response to a failed sway and maybe for some that have a few of one gender already, feeling they are getting older and need to get on with having babies? Very interesting thread! X

You can influence it. Of course. But just because you have influence, this does not translate to a 100% guarantee of gender. There is very very likely a luck element involved, and it's just how it goes. Even if you were able to get to 80% likely to have a girl or boy, you could still have bad luck and get an opposite, and people who are 80% likely the other way may get lucky and get their desired gender. And this doesn't even go into the notion that some things within us are just "set" and that we aren't able change, at least not straightforwardly.

So we can't just look at one thing, what so and so did or this or that and really KNOW anything. If this was easy to unravel those clever old wives would have figured it out a long time ago. It's like trying to figure out who will get cancer - we may know some things do tend to be associated with increased risk, but you can never extrapolate that down to one person.

Because of this, the trends are ALL. That is why, when I see a trend, it is reason to investigate.

atomic sagebrush

January 15th, 2017, 06:43 PM

Oh and yes, I think it's all part and parcel of the same thing, that gentle suppression of fertility that comes after you have a baby or a loss. That's what I think the key is. We manipulate that via diet, exercise, supps, but also things like child spacing, nursing, and just your own natural biology may come into play.

Please understand, before the invariable question is asked, that I am NOT saying girl moms are infertile, or even LESS fertile as a general rule. I'm saying that they may have gotten pregnant in a month where their bodies were in some sort of process of engaging a "natural" birth control method that is not like taking a birth control pill, but something your body just does kind of gradually. Not only is it not terribly effective, but it's also very gradual, meaning it may take months to "engage" and there's back and forth/flux for instance if you ate less one month and more another, or whatever.

I did not really intend this to be one of those tangent, hypotheticall threads, I"m just curious why the blue swayers (some of them) have been so insistent on TTC within 12 months of having a baby, because it's not something that I personally comprehend. :)

No.2SomethingBlue:)

January 20th, 2017, 10:13 PM

I can't speak from any experience on this matter. My baby has never had a drop of formula, and yet my periods came back the month after my pp bleeding stopped (about 10 weeks pp). I breastfed exclusively for 6 months and now that my DD is 16 months old, I still bf twice a day. I am also 6 weeks pregnant with no. 2. We tried to sway blue as you'd know since we bought a plan, but our desired age gap (2 years) was determined before we knew that DD was a girl.

I did see this the other day though and thought it was interesting. It relates to breastfeeding, but talks about how girls tend to be breastfed for shorter durations than boys because they hypothesise that after a girl, mothers are hoping for their fertility to return more quickly so as to be able to try for a son. I was an exception, but from what I've read, breastfeeding typically delays ovulation.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22148132

purple sky

January 20th, 2017, 11:57 PM

I find this interesting. The few people I know that have kids back to back, meaning conceiving within a few months of giving birth, have all had the opposite gender. Usually girl first, boy second.

atomic sagebrush

January 22nd, 2017, 02:39 PM

nholtz87

January 22nd, 2017, 03:12 PM

Annnnnd I just got bfp lol

atomic sagebrush

January 22nd, 2017, 03:29 PM

You ALWAYS have a chance of a boy or a girl. For all we know this may be God/the universe's way of helping you have the ideal sway for YOU. :) Sending tons of blue dust your way!!!

nholtz87

January 22nd, 2017, 04:01 PM

Idc what baby is at this point. I'm more concerned at what they found in my uterus before ovulation. But I'm giving it all to God
Thank u. Blue or pink I just want healthy

purple sky

January 22nd, 2017, 09:00 PM

Congratulations on your BFP!

2pinkbluenext

January 23rd, 2017, 08:59 AM

They are also those who do this because there is alot of pressure on them to have a son to carry the husbands surname. And in many many cultures there is a pressure for women to bare a son. Some even feel ashamed, Its almost like they don't feel good enough unless they have son and if they do have a son they are more appreciated and celebrated. I see this alot among some cultural people and I think its so sad because it puts unfair and unnessaarry pressure on the poor son to also carry on the family name and the cycle continues...
I personally prefer to have a 2 years break between pregnancies, its hard work. If you got pregnant less than 8 months postpartum you have my respect.

Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk

atomic sagebrush

January 23rd, 2017, 03:11 PM

So do you think they have pressure to have babies faster because of this? As in, it's so difficult a situation they are put into that they just want it to end sooner and so have babies sooner?

kittendreams

January 23rd, 2017, 04:19 PM

Maybe their DH's are more onboard to try again soon also?
I notice a lot of pink swayers have to convince their hubby to ttc another time to try for a girl( and sometimes don't even know they are swaying or even ttc lol) however dads with only daughters might be more involved in ttc in order to get their son.
I know my hubby is happy to wait or not even have another cos he already has his two sons ( I'm a pink swayer) but maybe if we had two daughters he might be more eager to ttc earlier to get his son? Just a thought��

atomic sagebrush

January 23rd, 2017, 04:36 PM

That was what my husband guessed but I"m not totally convinced as I find a lot of blue swayers too are having to drag their hubbies along kicking and screaming for one more try. :)

MiaMelb

January 23rd, 2017, 09:58 PM

So do you think they have pressure to have babies faster because of this? As in, it's so difficult a situation they are put into that they just want it to end sooner and so have babies sooner?

Not that I'm actually going to ttc as quickly ad you're talking about in this thread but I can agree that for I do feel some mild pressure about continuing the family tradition, surname etc. Thankfully my DP does have a brother who is yet to have his kids so not all the pressure is on my DP but if we did already have a boy in the family to carry on the surname then I think the pressure would be gone. My DP is also one of those guys you've mentioned may need a bit of dragging along to ttc again. He says he's happy with our 2 DDs and I believe him but I still think if he had his own son that would be the icing on the cake. Kind of like getting something you didn't really know you wanted but once you have it you couldn't imagine not.

coralsky

January 24th, 2017, 07:22 AM

Throwaway_panther

January 24th, 2017, 09:20 PM

This is such an interesting thread! Do some of the blue swayers tend to be a little older atomic? (and/or have older DH's?) I know this is not really applicable to me, but the reason we have a short age gap between no2+3 was at my DH's request.. he is older (45) and wanted to be done with the baby stage asap! lol. I personally would have preferred a bigger gap between the littlies, but this was his only 'condition' to trying for a 3rd, so I did not want to deny him it. :)

This is sort of us! I'm 27, but DH is 36 (which I know isn't really old), and he's not wanting to have kids too old for a variety of reasons but would like at least 3. I wanted the spacing close for "planning" reasons, but he's definitely balked when I point out I have another good 15 years of baby making in me probably haha. He doesn't care what we have though, and has a preference for girls. I'm dragging him kicking and screaming into the sway territory (which, since he's very "boy dad" material, is poo pooing his occasional alcohol intake and begging he not "relieve" himself every morning :rolleyes: )

atomic sagebrush

January 26th, 2017, 03:46 PM

This is such an interesting thread! Do some of the blue swayers tend to be a little older atomic? (and/or have older DH's?) I know this is not really applicable to me, but the reason we have a short age gap between no2+3 was at my DH's request.. he is older (45) and wanted to be done with the baby stage asap! lol. I personally would have preferred a bigger gap between the littlies, but this was his only 'condition' to trying for a 3rd, so I did not want to deny him it. :)

Ah, that's an interesting take, but no, I have actually found the opposite to be true. The blue swayers are on average younger and quite a lot of them are younger than 30. That is one thing I hear again and again from blue swayers is that they want their babies close because they want to be done by 30. :)

coralsky

January 26th, 2017, 04:54 PM

Ah, that's an interesting take, but no, I have actually found the opposite to be true. The blue swayers are on average younger and quite a lot of them are younger than 30. That is one thing I hear again and again from blue swayers is that they want their babies close because they want to be done by 30. :)

Oh well, just a thought. ;) I hope you find one or more actual reasons (as opposed to irrelevant ones like mine! Lol.) I will follow with interest. :)
Hope you and yours are all good (Suzie looks so grown up these days!) xxx

business.woman

January 27th, 2017, 06:04 AM

I am wondering about something else ,
Does TTC after surgery sway pink?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

dancingdiva88

January 27th, 2017, 07:14 AM

Interesting business!! I had massive surgery with stage 3 endi removed, d & c, tubal dye flush and ovarian drilling. Fell pregnant 10 days later, had a chemical then two weeks later fell with my DD too. Maybe I had a double whammy pink sway with the loss that sways pink too.

dancingdiva88

January 27th, 2017, 07:18 AM

I'm 28 and my DH is 30, we are swaying blue. 1. To have our kids out and gone by our early 50s and 2. If we don't get a boy, still have time to go again for a 3rd child and get a boy.
Also yes to the pressure. The sooner I have a boy the less stressed I (and hubby) will feel to "provide" the family with a son to continue the surname line and inherit all these family heirloom things. My DH is very much on board TTC (always keeps his bits cool, hasn't touched alcohol in months, is trying to eat better - even spinach...never thought I'd see the day!)

Bommy_7

January 27th, 2017, 11:02 AM

This is a really interesting phenomenon. Here I am super glad I made it to DD2 being 2 and 1/2 before we start getting serious about swaying this spring. I think the kinda obsession is a big factor for me. I started researching how to conceive a boy when my youngest was about 3 or 4 months old. I do think that for me it helped me deal with the gender disappointment and at least focus my energy into something positive.

atomic sagebrush

January 27th, 2017, 05:05 PM

Oh well, just a thought. ;) I hope you find one or more actual reasons (as opposed to irrelevant ones like mine! Lol.) I will follow with interest. :)
Hope you and yours are all good (Suzie looks so grown up these days!) xxx

No, not at all, I think that was a very clever take and hadn't occurred to me to think about. :) I really appreciate it!

Thank you!!! She is not a baby any more that's for sure!!...sniff!!...

atomic sagebrush

January 27th, 2017, 05:06 PM

I am wondering about something else ,
Does TTC after surgery sway pink?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think it probably does, but without side by side studies it's so few people who've fallen pregnant right after surgery that I can't say 100% for sure. I DO know that anything that is taxing to your body will suppress your fertility a bit.

MrsSparkles

January 28th, 2017, 06:56 PM

I feel in the minority too, as a Pink Swayer wanting to get pregnant very quickly after this baby is born.

My reason is this ; I was 35 when I conceived, and will be 36 when I have him.
I would love a big family, and time is of the essence.

kittendreams

January 28th, 2017, 10:05 PM

Mrs Sparkles I'm the same-swaying pink before 1 year post partum. I had my second son in December 2016 and will be ttc from October this year. I am 36 turning 37 in July and really want to be done by 38.
My hubby is onboard and this is definitely our last as he only wanted 1! Haha!

I feel in the minority too, as a Pink Swayer wanting to get pregnant very quickly after this baby is born.

My reason is this ; I was 35 when I conceived, and will be 36 when I have him.
I would love a big family, and time is of the essence.

atomic sagebrush

February 24th, 2017, 12:46 PM

Just to give an example because I think at least one person who commented in this thread was implying I was making this observation up:

http://genderdreaming.com/forum/introductions/58216-new-mum-dreaming-blue.html

I get threads, plans, or personal messages like this at least 2 dozen times a year from blue swayers and practically NEVER from those wanting pink. Plus I have way fewer blue swayers so it sticks out like a sore thumb.

There is something here, something that I don't understand and that I am seeking to understand. You don't have to believe it, I believe it, and I want to understand whatever it is going on in people's heads so I can better help you guys to successfully sway. Whenever I notice a strong trend like this, I want to know more.

I would love more input on this if anyone has any thoughts.

atomic sagebrush

February 24th, 2017, 12:55 PM

Quoting myself here because a lot of times when I bump a post people don't go back and reread the earlier threads so just in case anyone had questions about what the deal with this thread is:

The average spacing between American babies is 2-3 years apart, 30 months to pin it down to the month, so the data is on my side regardless of what someone's pediatrician says. In the UK it's even longer at 36-41 months on average. in a study of 51 other countries the average was 32 months.

It is NOT common to TTC when a baby is 4 months old and yet this is something I am seeing again and again amongst my blue swayers. In fact we just had several newbies show up since the start of the year who were TTC with very tiny babies. It's unusual. Not something I see IRL or among pink swayers as a general rule. Hence, my question. The purpose of my question was not "I have a theory and I am in search of data to prove it correct." The purpose of my question is, "this seems to be happening again and again and so I am curious about what the reasoning is."

I will reiterate that I have some pretty serious, well thought out and important reasons why I think you guys should wait past 12 months to TTC if you want a boy. Yes, some people can still conceive boys close together, and I have never said otherwise. I believe it is due to maternal condition and improved fertility enabling a majority of women who are in the best condition and the most fertile to be able to get pregnant again. Many of us are not even seeing our periods return till at least 9-12-18 months, and so people who are able to ovulate and conceive sooner than this, are by default, in better condition and/or eating better than women whose cycles are not coming back that soon. We are also seeing a very, very strong trend where women who are inexplicably taking months/years to get pregnant (reduced fertility) are having girls even with otherwise great blue sways. Reduced fertility probably sways pink. Do I have a study proving this, not yet. But based on the data that I have seen, it's shaking out that way.

Since it's probable that better condition and higher fertility sway blue, we cannot view child spacing thru the same sort of cause and effect lens that we do other sway tactics. Blue Irish Twins do NOT debunk the idea. Women who are able to ovulate and get pregnant within X number of months are NOT a randomly selected sample of the population as a whole. They may be coming in more set for blue, and if something (like close child spacing) takes a person who is 80% likely to have a boy, to 60% likely to have a boy, that is a huge pink sway but would still yield more boys. And then if a person who was coming in at 50-50 did that exact same thing, they'd possibly drop their odds from 50-50 b/g to 30% likely to have a boy.

What we are trying to do here is OPTIMIZE odds of success. You may not personally want optimal odds of success and you may personally have the luxury of TTC many times without any real consequences of that. Other people are not so lucky and are in a position of having ONE chance at another baby. Other people are even less lucky and are in a position where they will probably have to have an abortion if they get pregnant with a girl. Sorry, straight talk here, but entirely true. We have people here from around the world including some women who are in pretty extreme situations and MUST have a boy.

Ladies, I cannot stress it to you strongly enough, that with 9 years of experience on these two boards and 46 years of experience on the Planet Earth the majority of which has been immersed in baby-related bizness (first my mom's pregnancies and then my own), with every fiber of my being, if you want the BEST chance at a boy, you should wait between kiddos. Disregard if you would like, and I will still be happy to help you have the best sway you can, but I do not and will not ever think you are giving yourself the best chance at a boy.

This question was not intended to be about swaying. It wasn't meant to be an opportunity for people to sound off on why I'm completely wrong on the subject and then for me to have to derail the entire thing going off on it. It was meant because when I see a trend, I want to know why that trend is happening. I NEVER forget that we are a self-selected group of people on here, but I am still pretty capable of spotting a trend when I see one, and that is a definite trend. The reason why I ask these type of questions is not to prove swaying true, it is to enable me to help you guys to have better sways. If you have sway questions or want to debate about swaying, let's do that in a DIFFERENT thread if you don't mind.

Now, I would still love to hear from people about why they wanted to have their kids really close together. It's very helpful to me to be able to understand people's reasoning choosing particular things vs. the other. I really appreciate the effort that people put into answering these kind of largely hypothetical and personal questions. :)

cosmosis

February 24th, 2017, 01:25 PM

I really think it is due to the pressure of passing on the father's name. Girl swayers don't have that concern as majority of them already have an army of boys.

2pinkbluenext

February 24th, 2017, 04:11 PM

I really think it is due to the pressure of passing on the father's name. Girl swayers don't have that concern as majority of them already have an army of boys.

True. I strongly believe this too. Its a difficult thing for many to say. They feel the pressure alot more than men.

meoab

February 24th, 2017, 05:22 PM

I like this and it's a sensitive topic for many among us. I myself have a gorgeous daughter who is almost 14 months. When I got pregnant (which was not plannend) I started worrying about gender. I have never thought once about it before I got pregnant. How come I was suddenly thinking about a baby boy, wprrying and stressing whenever we had a scan, even paid for a private hospital to do a scan and did not believe the gynae when I was told a girl? You could see the dissapointment on my face. Oh boy how freaking sad I became for months and how many times I have cried before and after birth. It's the environment and the pressure within cultures. It is also the personal experience. I didn't know how to raise a girl or protect her, don't know how to handle heartbreaks, how to prepare her for this world with people who are out there harming others. The other thing that made me feel the pressure of having a boy is the 'oh doesnt matter, next one will be a boy. Boy or girl, they are the same. As long as the baby is healty etc etc'. well if health is so important, why on hell would you say that my next will be a boy? I seriously felt down and felt like I had to defend myself and my husband for having a beautiful daughter who is so precious to us.

It is the environmental pressure mostly..be it culture or sub-culture. We all have felt it once or twice.

atomic sagebrush

April 24th, 2017, 12:40 PM

ChezIBY

May 17th, 2017, 04:41 AM

Several more new blue swayers have shown up and again, virtually all of them are swaying very soon after their baby is born. Here's another. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/new-site-info-and-navigational-help/58948-ttc-after-mirena.html

Newbies, if you see this post I'd love your reasoning as to why you're in such a rush to TTC again.

OK, time to weigh in with my two cents after being directed to this thread by Atomic and reading it through.

Sorry for the ladies who are feeling cultural/family/society pressure to produce a certain gender :( Don't think I have been subject to this, but there might be a bit of an environmental pressure about producing different gender kids that weighed in for me (maybe not conscious, but you see it everywhere here in the media, EVERY advertisement or commercial featuring a family has smiley Mom and Dad and PP!!)

So yes, for me it's the challenge, the 'chase', as if I feel I must prove something to myself. Have always been this way, like in college when some professor was talking about some extra-curricular activity, and going 'You guys only do this after a few months once you're sure you can handle it on top of the classwork, kay, cause it's really a lot to ask--' and I was already rolling my sleeves up like 'RIIIGHT, where do we sign up?' Same at work, same in hobbies, same everywhere, I always have to compete, even more with myself than with anyone, and 'prove' that I can do anything.

I get this huge surge of energy when a challenge is involved, and swear I must actually get more pleasure from 'figthing' for it than from the actual achievement when it does roll round; in fact, most victories get stale very fast and then it's on to the next thing. (So if I do sway and don't get the desired result, I will probably bully DH into having six more kids till I do; if I get the desired result fast I will probably next set myself the challenge of teaching my kids to speak five languages, play the piano and the guitar, skate and code before they are three or something.)

The intensity of this feeling of competition is obvious to me from the fact that as soon as I read Atomic's explanation that she kindly posted on my thread about how waiting till my DD is at least a year old for better blue sway chances immediately convinced me. Though I would love to throw myself into swaying ASAP and a year seems very long, if Atomic says that that ups my chances, that's what I'll do. Best effort and best chance at success above all! And the energy will have to go into obsessively planning and prepping the sway in the meantime and following everyone else's sways -_-

Man, does that sound hyper :) :) :)

atomic sagebrush

June 4th, 2017, 12:51 PM

I am telling you, I get blue swayers daily who are TTC with really close child spacing. I am getting way more blue swayers doing this than pink,
even though we have like 10x as many pink swayers.
This is a huge trend. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-boy/59450-do-i-even-have-chance-boy.html This is a clear cut, obvious difference between pink and blue parents and is SO easy to fix. Just wait, guys. Even if it's only 18 months or even just 12. You are really, really hurting your chances of blue with such close spacing.

atomic sagebrush

June 4th, 2017, 01:22 PM

And just to kick a hornet's nest, and please no one take offense at any of this as I'm just thinking out loud here after having just reread this thread, but comparing my daughter's early childhood to my sons as she approaches turning 5, and she is just EASIER. Day in and day out, since day one, she was on average easier than my boys. (with the exception of sleeping in her own bed) Even my husband, who didn't even really want a girl and stated repeatedly that there would be absolutely no difference between the two genders and my gender desire was stupid, admits that she is quieter, entertains herself more, cooperates with others without fighting as much, etc. My two closest boys are 21 months apart and it almost KILLED me. Hardest thing I ever did. Even having my two boys 3 1/2 years apart was harder than adding my daughter to the 2 little boys (my first two boys are much older). I don't know how I could have done another baby boy any closer than I ever did, because they needed so much from me all the time. Raising them as babies and toddlers was 10,000 times more stressful than my daughter (even though I was working full time and moving when she was a baby!) They were either breaking something, making a mess, or in mortal peril constantly. I really do wonder if girl moms can feel they can handle another baby sooner because baby girls, at least on average, are a little easier than baby boys. Maybe it's not something you notice or realize when you're in the moment but it may have some part to play.

I know there are tons of exceptions that now everyone will chime in to share but I am just wondering if this may have something to do with it, if one has a girl or two or three and feel more equipped to handle a new addition than those of us who have 3 boys and they are swinging from the chandeliers fighting light sabers...actually I have to go LOL o.O

I know a woman who had 8 girls in a row, every year she had another one all very close together. Her 8th girl was very difficult and she ended up having a big space between them and yep, you guessed it, ended up with 2 boys in a row at the end.

Babybeaublue

June 5th, 2017, 08:52 AM

Desperation. You can't bear the thought of waiting again. Nothing to do with dh or family name.

4blue2pink

June 5th, 2017, 11:30 AM

Desperation. You can't bear the thought of waiting again. Nothing to do with dh or family name.

Yes.

this was me, except it was desperation for a girl.. and the situation snowballed and got more and more desperate and ugly with each boy.. perhaps desperation tends to be this bad more often (for whatever reasons) in women wanting boys? could it be that the control-freak tendency of pink swayers stops them from spiralling into this?

with me it was like a conveyor belt --get pregnant---find out gender---stop caring and immediately switch attention to the next baby---have baby and get straight onto the next one-- *repeat as many times as it takes*

hideous i know but that was how it was, there was no way i was stopping at all boys and i couldnt bear to live with that reality for even the shortest amount of time.

this is the darker side of gender desire/disappointment which comes up quite alot in the pink swaying threads, but i dont think ive seen it much among the blue swayers.

maybe with this site being so pink-swayer heavy the blue swayers find it harder to speak up about not wanting girls? so when these trends show its much harder to unravel the reasons.

i hope nothing ive said will offend you blue swaying ladies here :) i actually feel more at home round you as i find the pink swayers can get abit scary-controlling :-/ and the close spacing isnt the norm with pink either as atomic said so im often on my own with that on the pink threads!

Atomic you could be onto something with the girl mums feeling ready earlier due to having girls, but it could be that like me back when i was having the boys some of them simply wont be stopped because for them the current reality is unbearable.

if the sways were reversed (LE for boy and HE for girl) and id of had to wait 12-18 months for the best chance at a girl i honestly dont know what that would have done to me, on the one hand you would be right (as you are for blue) but on the other hand thats 12-18 months of being trapped in a living hell with no possible light at the end of the tunnel which each new early *still not a boy/girl so potentially could be the dream gender* pregnancy brings.

i may be a million miles off track here but this is the really ugly side of what drove me to have a baby every year, i really relate to the blue swayers on this and i feel i dont relate to the control-freak micro-managing side of the pink swayers at all so maybe there is something in that? just a thought.. xx

Jconger

June 5th, 2017, 11:37 AM

Yes.

this was me, except it was desperation for a girl.. and the situation snowballed and got more and more desperate and ugly with each boy.. perhaps desperation tends to be this bad more often (for whatever reasons) in women wanting boys? could it be that the control-freak tendency of pink swayers stops them from spiralling into this?

with me it was like a conveyor belt --get pregnant---find out gender---stop caring and immediately switch attention to the next baby---have baby and get straight onto the next one-- *repeat as many times as it takes*

hideous i know but that was how it was, there was no way i was stopping at all boys and i couldnt bear to live with that reality for even the shortest amount of time.

this is the darker side of gender desire/disappointment which comes up quite alot in the pink swaying threads, but i dont think ive seen it much among the blue swayers.

maybe with this site being so pink-swayer heavy the blue swayers find it harder to speak up about not wanting girls? so when these trends show its much harder to unravel the reasons.

i hope nothing ive said will offend you blue swaying ladies here :) i actually feel more at home round you as i find the pink swayers can get abit scary-controlling :-/ and the close spacing isnt the norm with pink either as atomic said so im often on my own with that on the pink threads!

Atomic you could be onto something with the girl mums feeling ready earlier due to having girls, but it could be that like me back when i was having the boys some of them simply wont be stopped because for them the current reality is unbearable.

if the sways were reversed (LE for boy and HE for girl) and id of had to wait 12-18 months for the best chance at a girl i honestly dont know what that would have done to me, on the one hand you would be right (as you are for blue) but on the other hand thats 12-18 months of being trapped in a living hell with no possible light at the end of the tunnel which each new early *still not a boy/girl so potentially could be the dream gender* pregnancy brings.

i may be a million miles off track here but this is the really ugly side of what drove me to have a baby every year, i really relate to the blue swayers on this and i feel i dont relate to the control-freak micro-managing side of the pink swayers at all so maybe there is something in that? just a thought.. xx

I agree. With each baby hearing girl I start thinking... well I guess we aren't done. I just found out on Friday we are having a third girl. My heart shattered bc I want to be done but i want a son more than being done... so already thinking I'm only 30, I can't be done yet. I never wanted tons and tons of kids but I can't live without a son and thinking about trying again gives me hope... that he will still come. So I agree. My period never comes though until 9 months- a year after and some how I never get pregnant until it regulates completely... I'm sure doing the whole "wait 12 hours after positive opk" didn't help though either. Lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

4blue2pink

June 5th, 2017, 12:02 PM

I agree. With each baby hearing girl I start thinking... well I guess we aren't done. I just found out on Friday we are having a third girl. My heart shattered bc I want to be done but i want a son more than being done... so already thinking I'm only 30, I can't be done yet. I never wanted tons and tons of kids but I can't live without a son and thinking about trying again gives me hope... that he will still come. So I agree. My period never comes though until 9 months- a year after and some how I never get pregnant until it regulates completely... I'm sure doing the whole "wait 12 hours after positive opk" didn't help though either. Lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

i felt exactly the same, the hope is still there as long as you are still trying.. im a pink swayer so im on the other side of the fence so to speak but i completely understand, i couldnt live without a girl and i am so sorry you didnt hear blue this time, the feelings that come with not hearing what you hoped to hear are devastating and i wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do in the future <3 xx

Babybeaublue

June 5th, 2017, 01:21 PM

[QUOTE=Jconger;914630]I agree. With each baby hearing girl I start thinking... well I guess we aren't done. I just found out on Friday we are having a third girl. My heart shattered bc I want to be done but i want a son more than being done... so already thinking I'm only 30, I can't be done yet. I never wanted tons and tons of kids but I can't live without a son and thinking about trying again gives me hope... that he will still come. So I agree.

Yep a little hope is better than the stark reality of never having a son. I'm a complete control freak tho so I've always planned. I was never disappointed at getting another girl, I wanted a girl heavy family (got that part anyway!) I was heartbroken at not getting my boy. That's the difference. I sure as hell never thought I'd have 5 kids lol but I just keep thinking - it has to be next time right??

Jconger

June 5th, 2017, 02:23 PM

Babybeaublue

June 5th, 2017, 02:26 PM

No I have 5 girls!! TTC now

cosmosis

June 5th, 2017, 04:45 PM

meoab

June 5th, 2017, 04:54 PM

I think they were not thinkiing and just 'doing' it! That's what my mon told me. When they planned they didnt wait to achieve a good 'state'. They just went for it lol. God why do we have to have desires. It makes me such a mess some days and other days I just dont think about it.

atomic sagebrush

June 6th, 2017, 10:04 AM

But there are pink swayers so desperate they are on the brink of suicide sometimes. I don't believe that blue swayers are any more desperate then pink.

I am really not trying to argue at all I really NEED to understand this so I can better explain why blue swayers shouldn't do close spacing I know it comes off to some blue swayers like I'm trying to boss them around or something but I'm not, and I need to understand what this difference is so I can compensate/convince and help blue swayers have better sways. I cannot get wanting to get pregnant with a 3,6,9 month old (even after I tell people it might hurt their sway!?!) and I just really, really want to understand why a person who is 24 years old would be so in a rush to try for a baby that they'd proceed even after hearing that it might hurt their sway (let alone their sanity. I completely don't know how some of you ladies do it, hats off to you)

Just this last week, we have had a couple pink swayers showing up wanting to start diet really soon after having a baby - but even then they weren't planning to TTC for a while. I have also known several pink swayers who planned to TTC right after the baby was born (I did with DS 3 but I was also 39 years old) but then once the baby arrives they almost always change their minds and wait. It's just that "important minority" idea where while there are exceptions there is just this weird trend that I need to understand to better help people have a better sway.

atomic sagebrush

June 6th, 2017, 10:42 AM

Also, time limits. Now that I'm preggo, I realized I want to be done by the time I'm 35/36. This means back to back kids from this point forth. I have a career that I've worked on for years as a single mother which is now paused due to relocation and slowly pushing forth other plans that go along with this career. I want to travel and be done with diapers at a reasonable age and having kids in my 40's just won't really work with what I'd like ideally. I mean, technically it could if I got nannies involved, but not sure that's affordable or very reasonable.

I have alot to think about, but thought I'd throw this out there lol. Some women want all their kids in a certain time span for whatever reason. How is it that women in the past would get back to back boys? What were they doing that we are not doing?

First point - I think there is some meat on this bone. (sweeping generalization alert) That's why pink swayers even once they get their girl, will often replace the obsession for Girl #1 with Girl #2 or even 3 because I suspect that blue swayers want to get a son and then be done with that part of life, but pink swayers are trying to create some fantasy or dream family that they have and then with the obsessive tendencies, the dream, once accomplished, becomes the dream of getting a sister for DD? It's almost as if for pink swayers there's something in them that having children is not an item on the to-do list but something to do "perfectly" with a perfect child spacing (not too close) and the "proper" number of siblings. I know SO many pink swayers who felt all this pressure (myself very much included here) to be done by 35, in fact I think most of us women do hope for that, and then we get to 35 and we still don't have that perfect family that has made us "complete" and solved all our problems and then we throw out the original plan and keep TTC. Blue swayers are smarter about stuff like this IMO - they want to be done by 35 (or in many cases with the very close baby spacers, 30) no matter what and so want to pop that boy out ASAP and be onto doing cool and fun stuff instead of changing diapers. :)

Second point - It's the iceberg factor. What we call "swaying" is really just this tiny tip of a huge iceberg under the water.
But really, since our eggs were developing literally when we were inside our mother's womb, and the egg that is us, with all the coding for 1/2 our genes, was created in our grandmother's womb (let alone whatever our dad gives us), there are tons of things that have happened to us over the course of an entire lifetime that are affecting a sway. This gets lost because on this site we talk about what we CAN do, not what we can't. But there may be things that are just set and there is also what hubby brings to the table, and life circumstances/luck - I mean most of us are rolling that dice 2-3-4 times over the course of a lifetime, and even if gender was totally 50-50, there would be tons of people who could toss a coin 2,3,4 times and get 2,3,4 heads or tails in a row. You can see this in the Duggars, they have that long run of 50-50 B/G, then a long run of boys, then a long run of girls, any of which is more kids than most of us have. People think they are DOOOOOOMED because they have 2 or 3 of the same gender but even just from sheer random chance alone (not even going into swaying) it is totally poss to be 50-50 and have all boys or all girls. And if (as we believe) some of us are maybe 60-40 or 70-30 or even 80-20 set for a certain gender (because of things that happened over our lifetime or our mom's or even grandma's lifetime) we could do things that sway and then get to 50-50 or 40-60 or 30-70 or even 20-80 and then just not have the cards fall our way.

Swaying is not everything - it's just what we do to try to up our chances that we'll get the baby we hoped for sooner rather than later. If we all had as many kids as the Duggars we'd end up with a mix of genders 99.99% of the time but most of us don't want to do that, so that's why we sway. But the idea that swaying is a guarantee is a false notion. It just isn't. If it was, the human race would have died out a long time ago. That is why you can have people eat right off the girl diet and get boys back to back and vice versa. Diet is a great strategy for us but other things still come into play that we can't see.

coralsky

June 6th, 2017, 11:25 AM

I read this thread yesterday, and couldn't help thinking about it a little last night in bed.. I may be totally barking up the wrong tree here (I am not too clued up on this at ALL) and I really hope I am not about to offend anybody (either pink or blue swayers) as it totally not my intention to do so.. but am I right in thinking that generally speaking personality traits of pink/blue are: Pink- perfectionist/plan, plan, plan/to the point of overthinking/trying to control everything.. Blue- quite defeatist sometimes, thinking its doomed to fail, etc? If this is (mostly) true, and I really hope I am not speaking out of turn here.. is it maybe sometimes that the pink swayers want to control/plan and therefore decide they need to have the perfect sway with the perfect sibling spacing because then it HAS to work, and they can definitely be done with their next baby, so they wait and plan and make it all perfect... v the blue swayers who think, this probably has no chance of working anyway/I will fail at this, so might as well get on with asap and hope for the best? That's probably no help whatsoever LOL but I couldn't get it out of my mind last night, so thought it was worth posting just in case ;)

atomic sagebrush

June 6th, 2017, 01:16 PM

I think that is a distinct possibility for some people. Not only that they don't think it will work anyway and thus are in a rush (definitely true for some) but also that some just trust, in their awesome, laid back girl mama way, that it WILL work out without them having the best possible sway. Some blue swayers will say things to me along the lines of "If it's supposed to happen it will no matter what I do". Pink swayers want to chase down every possible lead and beat it to a bloody pulp - and I have to stop them from doing that, as we all know - but I have a fair-sized group of blue swayers who really have the opposite problem. An inordinate amount of faith in the tiniest of changes and thus they excuse themselves from doing lots of other things, usually the hard and effective things, using whatever they have done, or whatever symptoms they have or think they have as a justification. "It is ok for me to TTC when my baby is 4 weeks old and also lose weight doing 2 hours of cardio a day and taking these neato diet pills my herbologist gave me because I am drinking tea instead of coffee!" (I am only barely exaggerating.) But one of these things may not always be enough, it may be necessary to do a little more than just giving up coffee and taking (or not taking) a couple pills. This is not all blue swayers or most, just an important minority.

Jconger

June 6th, 2017, 01:56 PM

atomic sagebrush

June 6th, 2017, 02:14 PM

Jconger

June 6th, 2017, 04:40 PM

Yeah,all humans try to control their fate and environment. But after having done this for many many years now, the pink swayers are just in a class by themselves with this. There are certainly the occasional blue control freaks but they are fewer and farther between and are also usually pretty strict dieters and/or very into physical fitness.

Hahaha you couldn't be talking about me now could you. Lol *raising hand* the control freak/ personal trainer and takes my health and fitness very seriously... Atomic I will definitely be back and asking you more questions. I'm assuming you want to wait at least a year after she is born though?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

ChezIBY

June 7th, 2017, 06:39 AM

Hahaha you couldn't be talking about me now could you. Lol *raising hand* the control freak/ personal trainer and takes my health and fitness very seriously... Atomic I will definitely be back and asking you more questions. I'm assuming you want to wait at least a year after she is born though?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

She's also talking about me, haha ;p Man this thread has spun out, but I'm real pleased reading over the last posts as it all sounds like I've got a great 'blue' personality all in all. Guess the pink came out from my dieting so much and doing cardio before TTC - anyone who has difficulty keeping on with LE let me know btw, I have many tips for not feeling starved while dieting :) (get distracted, do something that occupies your hands so you don't snack, go into time consuming acitivities so time goes faster till your next 'allowed' meal, etc)

Atomic, for this important minority, you shoudl really hammer in the fact about them hurting their sway by NOT waiting. Just prepare this chunk of information and keep throwing it at them, about how you are here to provide maximum support for an optimal sway, so it is your job to let them know that they are hurting their chances by jumping in so fast and before recovering, and hit them with data and all the examples, reminding them that you have had tons of cases pass through your hands and are speaking from experience. Reiterate that it is best to wait a teeny bit more (a few months goes by so fast!!) than rush in and regret it. Once all of that is said and done and if they keep charging ahead, you've done your job IMHO.

atomic sagebrush

June 7th, 2017, 07:23 PM

atomic sagebrush

June 7th, 2017, 07:24 PM

This thread has spun out hugely but that's what I love about keeping the threads going a while, we never know where it's gonna end up and they are chock full of info for anyone who reads them! Much better than having to read 30 different threads trying to find a scrap of info!

cosmosis

June 7th, 2017, 07:29 PM

12 month is not so bad. I was thinking I'd have to wait like 2 years... which I was going to initially. See, I had it all planned out. 7 kids all spaced out 2.5- 3 years apart so I started when I was 20, but God had other plans and here I am. So now, I was thinking to TTC when baby is 1 year old to try an compensate for lost time, or I could just have less kids and continue my spacing as planned, meaning I should get preggo when baby is 21 months old. Ideally, I'd like to go for a 2 boys then 2 girls pattern. I like to BF for 2 years so... I just don't know right now lol. I have some time to plan, God willing.

It's nice to see all this input! Keep it coming blue swayers! lol.

ChezIBY

June 8th, 2017, 08:48 AM

cosmosis, good luck with your planning!! Jconger, good luck to you as well with your new DD, your future sway planning and the wait, my thoughts go out to you.

Atomic, threads and discussions branching out like this are great, it really does help to have a lot of information in one thread like this!

And.. I have two points to add to this discussion after some reflection:

-- Number one, for Atomic - have you already sorted your swayer population by 'swaying for gender' and 'swaying to avoid a gender'? I guess you must have as you do have separate forums on 'Gender Desire' and 'Gender Disappointment'. I feel after reading people's feedback that there are different categories of reasoning behind their sways - you have those who have a specific desire for a daughter/son, due to some reason, and then you have those who want a daughter/son because they want to avoid the opposite for whatever reasons as well.

To illustrate, in my case, it seems it was a vague idealistic wish for a 'gender-balanced' family that I dreamed up and issues coming from growing up in an all-girls' family with a very controlling, over-bearing and anxious mother (and a father who was very kind but let Mom run all the shots and never interfered much, saying she knew best.) I had loads of unwanted baggage from growing up that way, and so, despite the fact that I did feel like I wanted a daughter 'some day to complete my perfect family' I was sure I 'ought to' start with a boy, to avoid a girl first, anxious about passing on this very heavy heritage. (The wish for a boy first was therefore a 'let's avoid a girl first' wish; the only other alternative is the opposite sex after all!) I am happy to report that I feel very good now and it is largely thanks to reading over the forums here in the last months; reading posts from other ladies who experienced feelings similar to mine while growing up but for whom it evolved into a wish to have their own daughter to 'set things right'. It had NEVER occurred to me to think about it that way, and I have felt very positive about DD since, like that the Universe or whoever believes I have a good shot at being a good girl Mom after all, despite my apprehensions :)

I would love to sway yet for my 'perfect' family in the future, but I can see the difference between my attitude and this attitude of the other blue swayer population who are specifically 'desperate for a son' for whatever reason. I find it easy to envision waiting to allow more spacing between kids for an optimal sway, where I am coming from, while someone desperate to hold a son in their arms asap might not find it easy, which I get. See my point?

-- And second point - environmental pressure. I think we must sway for ourselves, not to fulfil other people's expectations. This is only my opinion, but I have been quite enraged on behalf of those women on here who have explained that part of their desperation comes from family/entourage putting pressure on them to produce a son (or daughter, same thing, just that we were talking blue here) to carry on the family name, to produce a sex that had been 'lacking' in the family, for whatever reason... Ladies. If I could go around with a huge bat and swat everyone who makes these sort of super-insensitive comments to you guys, I would! Since I can't, here is my best shot at 'why you shouldn't care': having a kid, being pregnant, giving birth and raising it is so HUGE. It is such a demand on our bodies, our lives, ourselves. Who the bloody hell do these people think they are that are putting pressure on you to keep getting pregnant till you pop out the gender they want? It can only, it must only be a very personal decision of yourself and your DH, period! If you are hesitating about agreeing with me on this, think of your own kid, as everyone here is (or almost is) a Mom: how would you feel about someone putting outside pressure on your kid to do something like that? It is unacceptable that others pressure women into becoming pregnant again asap before their bodies have had time to recover, and Atomic has already stressed the importance of looking after ourselves repeatedly and taking time to recover.

If you wanna sway, if it is really yourself that wants it - shoot. If you feel like it is outside pressure being exercised on you - I say stop and consider, particularly if it is society/parents/in-laws. Even if you produce the 'desired' gender in this case, then I think it will only be one step down the road and then the poor kid will have even MORE pressure from their extended family say - the long-awaited son must now grow up all manly, have a perfect job, home, get married and THEN get a son of his own; the long-awaited daughter must be the example of everything a modern woman can be - beautiful, smart, competitive but gentle, brave but also kind.. Geez ;p

If you are pressured to produce someone to carry on the family name - big sorries, but I am pretty sure that unless one of us produces the next Mozart or Joan of Arc, most names are going to be erased from people's memory within a couple of centuries, which is not a very long time, all things considered.

If you find that external pressure, comments and opinions still bother you - here's an unorthodox idea, but read some tombstones next time you are at a cemetery. Life goes by very fast, and here you already have people who also put pressure on others, had ambition, were driven to desperation - life is so short! Let the sway be about you and what you want, there's no time to run around trying to 'please' everyone else around you. You'll just get exhausted. You don't owe anything to anyone, least of all producing a gender-specific kid for them, if people feel like you do, then it's their problem, not yours.

Best of luck everyone :) :)

atomic sagebrush

June 8th, 2017, 05:19 PM

Bump this if I don't swing back to comment in the next couple days, getting to the end of my work day here.

ChezIBY

June 10th, 2017, 01:48 PM

bump :)

LMSM

June 12th, 2017, 10:59 PM

Hey!
It’s actually a really interesting topic, thanks!
I always had the desire to have a son, it’s weird but in my ‘perfect family picture’ I envisioned a big brother and a tribe of younger kids – boys and girls –I just always had that mental image of that. Like having 2 boys then 2 girls or a BGBG pattern would have been my ideal!
I was the eldest in my family (well I have a half-sister older than me but we don’t get along and she didn’t live with us – was o/s –if we had, I might have had a more positive outlook on having a bunch of girls first) – followed by 2 younger brothers. I always was the ‘2nd mum” – I am a bit of a control freak and like to have order – my mum went through some tough years health wise when I was still a teenager living at home, my dad was o/s for work most of the time – I cared for my younger siblings and the household a lot. I felt I had to step up as my mum, god love her, was a bit of a lax mum, too much so, and my desire for order, and control took over so things could run smoother for my brothers’ sake mainly (and my sanity). I would hate to have that happen in my home and have my girls feel like they have to be the carers etc – I think.
I always pictured myself with a family different than mine, I guess – a boy then some girls and boys - and also, I would have been happy to have like 5 girls if I could have had a boy first. I think the pressure was from me – even before I met my now husband, I saw myself surrounded by a tribe of boys and a couple of little girls to “finish off” – I was never in the mindset “I don’t want a girl” – but rather “ I sooo want a boy”. I would never regret having my girls nor wish for them to have been boys, but I will regret not having a mother-son relationship one day if that never eventuates.
My husband could not care less for gender – so never had any “pressure” from him on gender of our kids (though I think he secretly is somewhat worried about what having a son night entail – his parents divorced when he was young and his relationship with his own dad can be fragile: he therefore puts a lot of pressure on himself somehow I think to have a good relationship with his kids and a boy would be something he would maybe fear of living the difficulties he had with his dad with his own son – I may just extrapolate as we haven’t discussed this).

I know that family are generally less excited for 2nd/3rd etc bubs, and definitely felt that when we announced my 2nd pregnancy (being far away from any help/family probably makes them think we are nuts to have more than 1!) but we kept the gender secret until her birth. I could not cope with the idea of people being less excited for her arrival just because she was the same gender as her sister – the whole” you don’t need Xyz because you already have a girl”. Yes when it’s not your 1st child, you likely need less, but does that mean the 2nd born should be less celebrated and spoilt? Anyways, as much as people love her now – I did feel the disappointment in some people – which enrages me to a level beyond belief – and makes me even more of a lioness mama, wanting to protect them fiercely.
I have had the whole “so will you try for a boy next?” – and shrugged it off – I know it’s also part of the social norm for people to expect pigeon pairs so they don’t always mean to upset. But it does upset me in that I know 1000% that if I had another girl I would love her with every ounce of my being just like her sisters – and no less than if she was a boy. I do yearn for a boy – terribly – and my heart aches when I do see baby boys, because I long for that too…I think in this case it’s just human nature to want what you don’t have and want that “balance”.
But coming back to the original topic – yes, I was ready to TTC after both DD1 and DD2 pretty quickly – but tbh that is more linked to the fact it was not easy getting pregnant with them and I am not getting younger or more fertile so just wanted to get on with it… if I had had a boy, I may have put less pressure on myself in a way but still think that if my fertility story had been the same, I would have taken the same approach to it and hoped to get pregnant relatively fast after bub was born.
I always wanted at least 3 or even better 4 kids, so even if I had had a pigeon pair, I would have wanted a couple more kids - ;)

ChezIBY

September 7th, 2017, 11:24 AM

... SO excited to be posting back here after finally becoming a REAL Mom :D :D :D Like YEAH, now I'm up there with all you girls, I did it :) Signature update please! And I feel like I've MISSED everyone!! :)

I must share my new and improved (?) opinion on the subject at hand here, as well as share how it's been going in the process! Bear with me..

In a nutshell - I think you're right Atomic, I think maybe (with exceptions probably, but perhaps as a trend) maybe girl babies are a bit easier? I'm saying this cause.. Flashback to seven weeks back :)

My birth went GREAT :) I was so relieved! And I do believe that I got through those weird moments during pregnancy (the GD strangeness) largely thanks to feedback I've read on the forums here (so great how one can come here and talk openly about GD, no judgement and truthful insights; I just sailed through the gloomier instances repeating to myself that I would love DD and that I was not a bad person for having felt GD and it was not because of that that we wouldn't be close, ever, etc.) I did feel close to her at once and just really pleased about how everything had gone. Close, I'm not saying I was crazy in love, but close and didn't imagine things differently from then on, like you can't imagine living without your arm or something.

She's an easy baby. Even me, with my absolute lack of knowledge, could see that at once. She was sleeping longish stretches at night at once, she never cries more than.. I don't know, twenty minutes maybe? per day. She likes hanging out with us, but also doesn't mind hanging out for quite a while on her own if we're doing something. She was born right in the middle of summer - we didn't even hit the pause button, partly and mostly because of how laid back she is. We just careened on with our usual lifestyle, though parents and in-laws all live far and we had no one to help. Still, we were receiving friends and throwing dinner parties when she was just ten days old, on a semi-daily basis. I would go grab lunch at a cafe with some girlfriends when I felt up to walking a bit further (maybe when she was fifteen days old?) not when she 'allowed' it, because she is just so relaxed! I would roll her over with me in her pram and she would just snooze or look around her while I chatted with my girlfriends. EVERYONE, random passers by included, commented on how adorable and 'sage' ('well-behaved' in French) she was for such a tiny baby (so I sorta felt proud though i hadn't really done anything to deserve it). Part of the 'living on the way we did before' was out of some sort of pride on my side I guess, cause I was honestly tired sometimes (mostly due to breastfeeding demands while I hadn't yet fully recuperated from pregnancy and birth I guess, I am exclusively BF) and I did feel a tad weak when we'd be at the latest barbecue or something.. but none of my or DH's friends have kids yet, we're the first, so it was a bit of a 'let's show that we aren't on the shelf now cause we had a kid' thing, if you see what I mean. Silly, I know, but DH was so happy about DD, and at the same time so pleased that she was all calm like that and we could keep going out and doing things with her in tow, that I didn't want to throw a damper on things saying I was tired and would prefer a lie-in.

And I let slip my probiotic and vitamins and healthy eating routine.. though Atomic had kindly spoken to me about that before I gave birth. LISTEN to Atomic ladies, she has five kids, she knows her stuff.

I got mastitis which turned into a breast abscess and no one was the wiser until it got GINORMOUS because other than that I was feeling ok, no fever no nothing (which is a common symptom for mastitis it seems). My doctor thought I just had engorgement from the milk and said it'd go away.. it didn't! By the time I got a scan and they said 'abscess' the bugger was so huge that the doctors told me they'd have to operate and that of course I'd have to wean from BF abruptly. Now THAT's when I got that a) No way did I want to wean! I hadn't enjoyed BF that much up till then, but I suddenly realized in a blink that it was important to me and that I didn't want to give it up, certainly not so soon. b) Felt guilty/stupid for having focused so much on showing the 'world' that I can have it 'all' - tiny baby and busy social life - instead of just taking things in stride and taking time to bond with DD etc. c) Operation?? No more breastfeeding DD, and no more breastfeeding ever maybe?? Panic!

Thanks are due to the Anglo-Saxons again :) You guys invented needle aspiration for treating abscesses apparently, and I was lucky enough to find the ONE doctor out of the two currently residing in Paris who have trained in treating huge breast abscesses using this method (trained in the US from what I gathered). I had to have multiple aspirations, but as of a few days now I am officially abscess-free :) and I never weaned! :)

Heaven forbid anyone on here should be confronted with the same problem, but should you be, and should you be residing in Europe, come to me and I'll introduce you to my doctor :) Don't let them cut your breasts open (or cut them off, yuck)

And back to the subject at hand - I was majorly stressed during those few overloaded days when we dashed around seeing doctors. We took DD with us everywhere - it came up on us so suddenly that we had no time to think about sitters and that sort of thing, just dragged her along. She was a champ! Never complaining, just laying in her pram and looking at us while we discussed things with the doctors. I realized it somewhere during those days, that I did love her, which was why I had been so upset at the idea of premature weaning - and that I was so grateful to her for being such an angel through it all. What we would have done if she were continuously crying or screaming her head off while we had to rush around I have no idea.

So maybe (?) Maybe girls are a bit easier? I am trying to take things a bit slower now, following the abscess, but still, I do not feel over-exhausted or anything. Me and DH were speaking just now without a trace of irony about when we wanted baby number two - partly for DD now, cause we love her and want her to have a sibling, - but I also guess we would not discuss that if we were exhausted all the time after she arrived. It goes along with the HE/LE diet and everything else, right - maybe making a girl 'depletes' a mother's resources less somewhat? Or am I totally wrong?

At least now i feel like - I would like to sway next time round, but would not mind another one of the same :)

And I also feel like 'how does Atomic and other people with 4+ kids do it??' lol You're superheroes...

atomic sagebrush

September 7th, 2017, 02:44 PM

Oh no! So thankful you didn't have to have an operation!! Wow what an ordeal! I got mastitis all the time when nursing for some reason but it never progressed to that point luckily.

With my first, it took about a week and then I looked at him and thought "Oh gosh I love him!" It wasn't an immediate thing at all for me.

How lucky that DD is such a good baby! But don't be surprised if one day she decides "hmm I think I'll cause some trouble!" They go through a phase around 4 months old where they get kind of cranky till they can start moving on their own.

I kind of "cheated" in having 4+ kids, I had my first two and then 13 years passed before I had the 3 younger ones! I do give all props to moms with larger families because 3 at once was a LOT (my husband is largely useless when it comes to household stuff though - I know some ladies have a lot more help, if you do, hug him!!)

Wishing you the very best and please let me know if I can help at all with your sway moving forward!

onelastsway

October 4th, 2017, 05:08 AM

Just found this post and read through - all very interesting. My boys are spaced 2 and a half years apart, there is no way I would have wanted them any closer and there definitely does seem to be, in general, a very different way of thinking between blue and pink swayers. A few thoughts....if us women with boys generally get pregnant easier and more quickly, do we not feel that pressure to try right away incase it takes a long time i.e. my attitude in the past was always, 'I'll choose the month I want to conceive and it will happen that month' - I never even considered it taking a long time so i planned it exactly, even to having babies in different seasons! Do we have a more controlling attitude in the sense of an 'ideal family picture' with 'perfect' age gaps? I would say, in general, boys are definitely harder as babies/toddlers so I couldn't have coped with another any sooner. My boys fight (maybe more than girls would) so have waited longer for a third? We seem to be less in a rush to 'finish having babies and get on with our lives' - i.e. be able to do more when the kids have grown up - is that a personality factor? I always want to do things 'right' so if you said waiting was best for a sway, I would wait, regardless of anything else, because I always want to do things to the best of my ability - again, is that a boy mum personality thing? I don't know. All very interesting. The more I've been on this site and the more I think about it - despite desperately wanting a girl, it does feel 'right' for me to have boys. I'm a teacher and I was always more drawn to the boys, I like boy things, I had a great relationship with my brother - I feel 'suited' to being a boy mum and a lot of the girl mums I look at seem suited to being girl mums but maybe that's just because that's what we are. Who knows? All very fascinating though!

lindz

October 4th, 2017, 10:52 AM

I don't believe boy babies are more difficult keeping their parents from wanting to have the second baby later than girl moms. I could see if you were talking about the toddler years, but based on the first year I don't think gender plays a factor. I've been ready both times to start trying again when my babies have been 6 months old. The first time, my husband said haha no!(babies take time away from his video games and free time). We'll wait till he's at least a year old. And now this second time I would start TTC again right now but I'm going HT after I've breastfed my son for a year. I might be willing to believe I just got lucky with a rare easy boy, but my second is just as easy if not more so. When looking at the things that would make a couple want to try for another within the first year I would think the main things are baby's a good sleeper, baby can play independently and isn't too needy, whether or not the mom's happy with how she's feeding the baby(it can be stressful to have low supply or not be able to breastfeed when you want to), how flexible and "easy" the baby is temperament wise, not have a c section(Doctors usually want you to wait longer than a year to have another after a c section) and other things like financial or career wise. All of those factors have nothing to do with gender. I thought maybe men were more willing to try again so they can get their boy, but I'm seeing that's not the case and girl moms have to try just as hard as boy moms to convince them to try again. My theory is maybe women are feeling less selfish when they are trying for a boy? Like I feel if I went for a girl it's mostly for me, even though my husband wants a girl. I know stopped asking him about having another because I didn't think it was fair to him if he wasn't ready. He was perfectly happy with his boy, and there was no pressure to give him a girl. I could see some girl moms feeling like it's ok to keep pushing the second baby issue sooner because they are also or mostly doing it so their husband can have a son, not just for their own desires. Like I know he's not ready for another one, but once I give him a boy he'll be happy we didn't wait. Again just a theory, I'd be interested in hearing from anyone who did conceive their second in the first year even though their husband put up some resistance

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Tali.kah

October 4th, 2017, 11:10 PM

I think it's part of the excitement and also trying to have kids close in age together! DH and I are both 29 and expecting our first DD this December :) I'm already planning my perfect blue sway in my head and hope to start the diet this time next year and make an attempt in November and December 2019 (11,12 months post partum!)

This way we'll hopefully be 31 when our second is born- hopefully a DS and then maybe just maybe if we want a third added in the mix we're still younger than 35. I'm just such a planner lol

GirlmomXOXO

February 20th, 2018, 09:06 PM

I am one of those women you are talking about... I had 2 girls 18 months apart and started planning my 3rd pregnancy a couple months after my DD2. I think it is because when we decided we would have one more we know this is IT. No more, last shot at a boy so I am determined to try everything for as long as I can prior to conception... and I was anxious to learn what I should be doing.

I’m trying to wait a little longer this time. I got pregnant with my second when my DD1 was 9 months old and I was still breastfeeding. My DD2 just turned one year old and I want to wait til the summer. So this age gap will be more like 2-2 and a half years apart.

I also agree that there is more “pressure” to have a boy. I adore the bond I have with my daughters and I want that for my DH. My entire family is FULL of girls so my entire family has been on me to have a boy so I think that is part of it too...

Curious to hear more about timing between pregnancies that hep sway though!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Anthony

April 12th, 2018, 10:57 PM

My reason for swaying boy is my son's wish. He want someone to play with and he always pray sadly for his brother. When I ask him for what he prayed in church in front of our Lady his eyes always get wet and he can t even say a word. Everyone around us have brother and he have problems when all of them have back up in playing or conflicts on the street. He had sister to play with and since she is 2 year old they play together girly things. And he hate kids song where is sings about boy whos mum bring him brother for birthday from hospital. He runs in room when that song starts so we forward it to another song

atomic sagebrush

April 13th, 2018, 02:50 PM

Aww sweet baby boy! :heart: I hope we can make this happen for him very soon!!!

AboyMatey

April 15th, 2018, 01:47 AM

I grew up as an only child and was terribly lonely. I wanted a little brother or sister soooooo badly, but my mother only got pregnant one more time when I was 9, and that resulted in miscarriage. I knew I wanted my children to be close in age.

My first daughter was born in March. I wanted a baby born in the summer, so we started trying when she was 5 months old. I wasn't able to conceive while breastfeeding, but sure enough, I got pregnant the exactly one month after my daughter weaned (at almost 10 months). My second daughter was born in November (about 19 months apart).

Now, my first daughter just turned 3 one month ago, and my second daughter is 17 months. Of course, I desperately want a boy, so I've been researching and researching to figure out everything I can possibly do to make that happen. I figured the ideal time to bring a new baby into our home would be when my younger daughter was at least 2... the time to conceive is NOW!

shiroshiro

May 6th, 2018, 03:07 AM

I was the eldest in my family (well I have a half-sister older than me but we don’t get along and she didn’t live with us – was o/s –if we had, I might have had a more positive outlook on having a bunch of girls first) I always was the ‘2nd mum” – I am a bit of a control freak and like to have order – my mum went through some tough years health wise when I was still a teenager living at home, my dad was o/s for work most of the time – I cared for my younger siblings and the household a lot. I felt I had to step up as my mum, god love her, was a bit of a lax mum, too much so, and my desire for order, and control took over so things could run smoother for my brothers’ sake mainly (and my sanity). I would hate to have that happen in my home and have my girls feel like they have to be the carers etc – I think.
I always pictured myself with a family different 1

This!

Our society unfortunately is still very much a patriarchy. On one hand, I want a daughter first so that she can rise to overthrow all aspects of male dominated gender norms. On the other hand, I was the eldest daughter and there was so much pressure on me (even to this day) to be the carer of both my siblings, and now that I'm in my 30s, to take care of my aging parents. I kinda just want to reset everything and raise a family without putting that pressure (even if accidentally) on my kids.

atomic sagebrush

June 10th, 2018, 12:56 PM

bumping for more responses!

aira22

June 11th, 2018, 09:50 AM

my reason for wanting to sway as soon as possible after giving birth was simply impatience. And my wanting everything to be done yesterday attitude. As soon as I found out I was having a second daughter (that was an IG sway mixed with shettles timing), I started looking into ways of getting a son. That sway then failed again... maybe because of not being able to figure it all out step by step but doing a hasty so-so sway.
This behavior happens to me in many parts of my life lol It really gets on my nerves that as soon as I achieved something, I can't relax and enjoy but have to jump up and do the next thing on my imaginary list of important things to do :hair: of course this leads often to doing things not perfectly. :nails: Then I feel the need to fix things as soon as possible. Really annoying.

With this sway I forced myself to sway at least 6 weeks before ttc. I hope it pays off :fx:

violagirl87

October 6th, 2018, 07:12 AM

I spent a good hour reading this entire thread and I just wanted to add in my story as a blue swayer .

Personally I didn’t have any gender preferences, I just wanted 3-4 kids by the time I was in my mid 30’s and I assumed that they would be a mix of genders. I work as a dentist so professionally I can’t take a huge time off work hence the close spacing of my kids after being married at 27.

I am of an Indian background but even though both mine and DH family have all grown up in Australia there are some societal issues that just never leave. DH is an only son and supposed to carry on the name.

During my first pregnancy everyone on both sides apart from DH kept expecting/hoping for a boy (was the first grandchild on both sides too) and when the 20 week scan said girl my MIL said never mind you will get a boy next time, and asked me to save specific jewellery for my own DIL one day [emoji52]. After the birth of my DD she was fawned upon but I’m sure it was because she was the first grandchild on both sides.

I got pregnant with my DD2 when DD1 was 10 months- I had never ever looking up gender swaying or believed it was possible , just was trying to keep up with my goal of having my kids without waiting too long. My mom was disappointed with the quick conception saying she thought it would mean a girl and she wanted me to have a boy. Once the 20 week scan came and confirmed pink my MIL and FIL didn’t say anything to me but just said never mind you still have time for a boy to my DH.

After DD2 was born most of my DH family just said she wasn’t as cute as my DD1 and that she should have been a boy . It really hurt my heart to see DD2 being so ignored. Even now at 20 months DD2 is much much more independent and carefree and plays mainly by herself and because of this gets ignored or overlooked. Breaks my heart constantly. I’m always trying to give her extra love and attention and show her she’s precious as anything. I will be so upset when she’s older if people keep telling my DD1 she’s their favourite or their special one or whatever. I really worry for her (DD2) self esteem and worth if the right attitudes aren’t there .

We didn’t TTC until DD2 was 20 months as we moved states and both got new jobs and I didn’t think I could cope with another small gap, nothing to do with gender, but now I’m TTC with a blue sway. DH just wants a healthy baby, he’s not interested in gender but is happy for a large family so he supports me no matter what I want to try.

On a side note my sister and my 2 SILs all have boys and constantly act like having a boy is harder work and a boy is more special etc etc cultural bias....

I love both my daughters more than anything and I don’t really have a preference for myself but the pressure for a boy is high so when we started to TTC again I found this site after a month of trying shettles . I just pray that if I don’t have a successful blue sway a possible third daughter won’t be completely invisible to everyone except us as her parents.

Thankfully within all this madness I can honestly say DH has never ever once suggested that a boy was/is what he wants and I know he loves the girls with everything. Sometimes I feel we should just move countries and escape all the negativity....

Sorry for my rambling long post and thanks for listening.....

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

atomic sagebrush

October 6th, 2018, 02:03 PM

:heart: Viola thank you so much for sharing your story!!! We'll do what we can to get you a boy but no matter what I know your children will be so loved regardless of gender. :heart:

violagirl87

October 13th, 2018, 07:32 PM

Thanks so much atomic! Sorry for the late reply but we have been moving house again. BFN on 8, 10,12 DPO and I think I’m out this month again [emoji853]

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

atomic sagebrush

October 14th, 2018, 05:31 PM

Please let me know how I can help! :bluecheer: :bluecheer: :bluecheer:

goldielock615

January 28th, 2019, 11:26 AM

Thought I would chime in here as a pink swayer on why I did not try to immediately get pregnant after sway opposite. I really wanted to sway immediately, like catch the first egg, because I thought it would be most effective for my sway. I also have a lot of anxiety about whether or not I will have a daughter which I think will dissipate after I am pregnant and the window has closed. But I couldn't bring myself to sway that quickly.

I have a crazy spreadsheet where I plan all my children's spacing (not a new project, made after first child). It shows every monthly due date from now until 2022. It shows child spacing, year the enter school, age I will be when they graduate, birthday party weather, etc. It might be the most crazy spreadsheet I've ever made (and I make a lot of spreadsheets). Just going for it soon after birth didn't fit with my analyses of my health, kids best interest, etc. I am too controlling to not think about those things and just go for it without a lot of overthinking.

Also, for me personally, the LE diet is quite different than my current diet and I want to go vegetarian for my sway. I think if I had to go on the HE diet I could start tomorrow. Same for energy to start the cardio. Hard to will myself to start while sleep deprived.

polaris.kai

March 16th, 2020, 10:37 PM

Cruising old threads and found this one. I will say it's a lot of pressure from family as hubby is only boy and we need to "carry on the name" and a lot of how I am. I'm really competitive so hearing that "we cant make a boy" bothers me to my core and makes me want to try again and prove everyone wrong. Of course I wanted this to happen very soon so we started trying after dd1 first bday but our sway failed and now we have dd2. No regrets we are so in love with them but my whole life I imagined having only boys and now I'm begging the universe for just one. So we womt start trying til dd2 is 2 but I'm already starting to make lifestyle changes so we will be good when that time comes

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

atomic sagebrush

March 17th, 2020, 10:14 AM

Thank you for sharing and let me know how I can help!!

mummum

April 13th, 2020, 02:16 PM

totally understandable! Indian culture here. Did you get your boy With the diet?

atomic sagebrush

April 13th, 2020, 03:19 PM

totally understandable! Indian culture here. Did you get your boy With the diet?

Which poster are you asking about, and I can tell you if I know. Sometimes people move on after they've answered a thread but I can tell the outcomes of any sways I know of.

RocknRoll86

May 11th, 2020, 08:19 AM

My understanding of the post is that if one is TTC with a minimum of 12 months of a prior child's birth it usually sways pink?

atomic sagebrush

May 11th, 2020, 04:39 PM

My understanding of the post is that if one is TTC with a minimum of 12 months of a prior child's birth it usually sways pink?

We believe it SWAYS pink, but the way you phrase "it usually sways pink" means I think I better explain a little more here.

The thing that is very likely actually swaying is maternal condition and overall fertility (which depends on your condition). Being in somewhat better condition (due to good nutrition, muscle mass, enough sleep, etc) tends to sway blue, and being in slightly worse condition tends to sway pink. But the catch is that anyone in actually bad, or even slightly bad condition reduced their fertility so far they cannot get pregnant at all, and it's very easy to drop into bad enough (in other words, you don't need to be feeling run down, tired, weak, or very sick to be in low enough condition to not conceive.) It happens quite frequently and usually you feel perfectly fine when it happens. You would not think you are in bad condition or having reduced fertility, in many if not most cases, you'd feel normal and your cycle would still be normal. This can happen, for example, when you're breastfeeding and just after you had a baby as well, even if you are in overall good health. And additionally breastfeeding and postpartum hormones suppress fertility too, regardless of what kind of condition you're in, because that is nature's method of birth control to ensure you don't have too many babies at the same time.

So what can happen postpartum is that most people can't get pregnant anyway, and these are the people in the "worst" condition with the most suppressed fertility. Anyone who CAN get pregnant in that first year, with a boy or a girl, is by default already in pretty good condition. Many people can't get pregnant at all till 6-12 months or even longer if breastfeeding. So of the group that gets pregnant, yes, close child spacing does sway pink we believe because it equates to lower condition and the hormones of postpartum and lactation gently suppress fertiity, but a whole lot of those people are in really good condition, and their fertility already can't be suppressed much for them to be able to get pregnant.

Long story short this means that even though close child spacing does sway pink, and I urge blue swayers to wait at minimum 12 and more likely 18 months to TTC after having a baby, it does NOT mean that all or most babies are going to be girls who are conceived this close together, because most of the people who are even ABLE to have a baby at all are going to be in the "good condition, very fertile" category or else they wouldn't be getting pregnant to start with!

It's one of those things that sways, but like everything in swaying, is not a guarantee or even easy to see in the general population.

rahaye_raha

May 12th, 2020, 04:03 AM

atomic sagebrush

May 13th, 2020, 10:19 AM

Hi Atomic,

i didnt know where to ask my question so i ask here.
my ovulation used to be day 14 or 15. it became 16,17 after some years and now is moved even further to 20-21. when its too late ultrasound also shows that my uterine lining is thick.

Is there anything I can do to make ovulation to happen sooner in my cycle? like day 15-16?

Do you know how to start a new thread?? Open up the forum you want to post in (this is the part everyone misses - you don't open a thread, you need to open the forum itself) and then you'll see the new thread option. I will answer here because the question is here, but this really has nothing to do with what this thread is about and I would prefer you start a new thread in the future, thanks!

Did you gain weight or start eating more carbohydrates before this happened? Have you ever been tested for PCOS?

RocknRoll86

May 14th, 2020, 04:39 AM

We believe it SWAYS pink, but the way you phrase "it usually sways pink" means I think I better explain a little more here.

The thing that is very likely actually swaying is maternal condition and overall fertility (which depends on your condition). Being in somewhat better condition (due to good nutrition, muscle mass, enough sleep, etc) tends to sway blue, and being in slightly worse condition tends to sway pink. But the catch is that anyone in actually bad, or even slightly bad condition reduced their fertility so far they cannot get pregnant at all, and it's very easy to drop into bad enough (in other words, you don't need to be feeling run down, tired, weak, or very sick to be in low enough condition to not conceive.) It happens quite frequently and usually you feel perfectly fine when it happens. You would not think you are in bad condition or having reduced fertility, in many if not most cases, you'd feel normal and your cycle would still be normal. This can happen, for example, when you're breastfeeding and just after you had a baby as well, even if you are in overall good health. And additionally breastfeeding and postpartum hormones suppress fertility too, regardless of what kind of condition you're in, because that is nature's method of birth control to ensure you don't have too many babies at the same time.

So what can happen postpartum is that most people can't get pregnant anyway, and these are the people in the "worst" condition with the most suppressed fertility. Anyone who CAN get pregnant in that first year, with a boy or a girl, is by default already in pretty good condition. Many people can't get pregnant at all till 6-12 months or even longer if breastfeeding. So of the group that gets pregnant, yes, close child spacing does sway pink we believe because it equates to lower condition and the hormones of postpartum and lactation gently suppress fertiity, but a whole lot of those people are in really good condition, and their fertility already can't be suppressed much for them to be able to get pregnant.

Long story short this means that even though close child spacing does sway pink, and I urge blue swayers to wait at minimum 12 and more likely 18 months to TTC after having a baby, it does NOT mean that all or most babies are going to be girls who are conceived this close together, because most of the people who are even ABLE to have a baby at all are going to be in the "good condition, very fertile" category or else they wouldn't be getting pregnant to start with!

It's one of those things that sways, but like everything in swaying, is not a guarantee or even easy to see in the general population.

Thank you for your response Atomic.

I found the following site which also sheds light on this issue: https://amotherfarfromhome.com/why-having-babies-so-close-together-is-not-as-hard-as-you-might-think/

It is also interesting that this lady had a number of boys closely together.

:)

lad

May 28th, 2020, 01:20 PM

This is super interesting! I'm hitting the age where all my friends and sister in-laws are having babies, so my son has seven fellow babies all born within six months of him (and who we're in close touch with--my husband is one of 12 so we have allll the cousins).

I've been forming all kinds of theories. In that group, three are girls, and four are boys. And all the boys have been super easy as far as sleeping/eating--they all nursed super well, slept through the night and in their own beds early on, and were generally more independent/happy to kinda hang. All of the girls have co-slept, were fussy, two had issues with breastfeeding, and they ALL have been babies that constantly wanted to be held. So all the girl parents were a lot more stressed early on, but now as our babies are moving into toddlerhood, the girls seem to be getting easier, while the boys are getting crazier (with the exception of my one niece who is rather violent and crazy).

Most of the girls weren't walking at a year (and now that they're about 18 months two still are pretty cautious), whereas most of the boys are running around like crazy, getting into things. We were thinking about conceiving this autumn, but now that our boy is really starting to get into that terrible two phase, we've decided to wait until spring, so that he's 3 and a few months before a second baby comes along, in the hopes that things will be easier on us!

Also, you'll be happy to know that the sway theory on this site really holds for all of my friends--those who have eaten high protein and high fat diets (with lots of veggies), had a bunch of sex, and exercised moderately all had boys, and my friends who were dieters, went on long walks/runs and didn't have sex as often all had girls. I also noticed that all the boy moms fell pregnant immediately, whereas all the girl moms took a few months to get pregnant.

Two of the girl moms want a close age gap (and are hoping for boys, though I don't think they'll sway--they're very much "god will give me what I get" sorts of people), and the third wasn't intending to have any children and accidentally fell pregnant with her daughter, so isn't planning to have anymore. All four boy moms are planning on 2-3 year age gaps, and all except for one hoped for daughters.

Anyway! Sorry for the essay, but I've been mulling on it for awhile and thought it was super interesting!

lad

May 28th, 2020, 01:28 PM

atomic sagebrush

May 28th, 2020, 02:46 PM

Also, have you ever wondered if people who want boys tend to be more traditional/religious and therefore less likely to use birth control to space out children? More traditional people also may be more likely to have more girl-mom personalities by being willing to cede control of their lives to whichever God they happen to believe in. Just a thought!

This is an interesting theory although many of the people who have the very close child spacing were using birth control. Thank you for sharing, very thought provoking!!!

atomic sagebrush

August 27th, 2020, 05:59 PM

another person planning a blue sway that intends to have a very close spacing! https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-boy/81238-weight-loss-weight-gain.html

Londongirl1990

November 24th, 2020, 07:01 PM

9jamama01

November 25th, 2020, 08:56 AM

A little background why I am in a rush essentially I wanted to be done with kids in my early 30 purely as my career has suffered a stop/ start approach in taking time out to raise my kids, so want to be done so I can focus on my career by the time the youngest is 5 ready for school etc. Baby no #4 would be our last one.

2013: first baby was a boy was BD a lot as it wasn’t sticking
2016: Girl ( was a accident slip up back message gone wrong [emoji23])
2019: Girl planned but only one BD

We have always wanted 2 of each whilst we feel really blessed and grateful to convince and have 3 beautiful kids, another boy would complete my family especially for my son as he asks for a brother everyday as my MIL had him convinced my DD2 was a little brother for him. I don’t know why I just think boys are harder to convince maybe as I have not been pregnant with a boy since 8 years ago.

Currently I am 13 months PP EBF DD2 but I don’t have any periods at all, from past experiences I get them when I fully stop nursing. I have been taking vitamins and extra folic acid ( I am the heaviest I Harv ever been at 68kg and want to TTC a big sway soon but in my head it’s like I know it would be another girl... so used to seeing girls everywhere even though I do have a son already just to make his dreams for a little Brother come true would complete our family.

Currently we are BD every 2/3 days unprotected with little pre-seed ( I have tried OPK and I get same faint line never reach darker line)

I don’t know I just spend all my days reading forums and praying for a little boy but so anxious about the sway. How do you know when the time is right or if you have done enough?

Sent from my iPhone using TapatalkI ask myself the same question too! I had my DS in 2013, DD1 in 2015 and DD2 in 2018. I am okay with the 3 kids, but DH wants another son and my DS is always asking for a younger brother especially when the girls team up to play pranks on him.

I always read through the ttc boy posts on this site, and I keep planning the perfect sway, but whenever it's time to BD I develop cold feet and postpone ttc.

I have postponed ttc till January or February or march, hopefully by then I will be brave enough to try. Even though I know that another DS will definitely be a lovely addition to our family. I keep asking myself if I really want to have another baby.

For now, I have started the supplements and I'm trying to incorporate exercise and some elements of the HE diet.

Good luck to you and everyone else trying to conceive a boy.

Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk

Londongirl1990

November 25th, 2020, 12:00 PM

I ask myself the same question too! I had my DS in 2013, DD1 in 2015 and DD2 in 2018. I am okay with the 3 kids, but DH wants another son and my DS is always asking for a younger brother especially when the girls team up to play pranks on him.

I always read through the ttc boy posts on this site, and I keep planning the perfect sway, but whenever it's time to BD I develop cold feet and postpone ttc.

I have postponed ttc till January or February or march, hopefully by then I will be brave enough to try. Even though I know that another DS will definitely be a lovely addition to our family. I keep asking myself if I really want to have another baby.

For now, I have started the supplements and I'm trying to incorporate exercise and some elements of the HE diet.

Good luck to you and everyone else trying to conceive a boy.

Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk

Sounds like we are exactly in the same place. I don’t know my husband thinks I am crazy with all this research and believes what ever we are destined for we will get but for me if I can improve my odds like a little why not but at the same time I feel guilty about the idea of no wanting another DD, and trying to sway to a boy, so it’s like a bittersweet moment. I am EBF still so I don’t think that sways me more pink and all my relatives who have siblings close in age seem to have girls so that also is at the back of my head.

What supplements are u taking - I am limited due to the ebf
I am taking prencare pre conception
Extra folic with vitamin d
Fish oil

Read green tea is good

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

atomic sagebrush

November 25th, 2020, 02:30 PM

London, the truth is you don't ever know when the time is right or that you've done enough. We do what we can and then we just eventually have to try.

what is your plan for attempts when the fertile window opens?

atomic sagebrush

November 25th, 2020, 02:33 PM

Sounds like we are exactly in the same place. I don’t know my husband thinks I am crazy with all this research and believes what ever we are destined for we will get but for me if I can improve my odds like a little why not but at the same time I feel guilty about the idea of no wanting another DD, and trying to sway to a boy, so it’s like a bittersweet moment. I am EBF still so I don’t think that sways me more pink and all my relatives who have siblings close in age seem to have girls so that also is at the back of my head.

What supplements are u taking - I am limited due to the ebf
I am taking prencare pre conception
Extra folic with vitamin d
Fish oil

Read green tea is good

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Please wean off the Pregnacare. It is a terrible product and should be taken off the market IMO. Those massive doses of nutrients are not proven safe, and have delayed or even stopped ovulation for many people. Don't drop it cold turkey, just wean off of it.

I would try to find some other multivitamin even if it isn't purely a prenatal, like Women's One a Day or Centrum.

How much fish oil?

Londongirl1990

November 25th, 2020, 03:38 PM

Please wean off the Pregnacare. It is a terrible product and should be taken off the market IMO. Those massive doses of nutrients are not proven safe, and have delayed or even stopped ovulation for many people. Don't drop it cold turkey, just wean off of it.

I would try to find some other multivitamin even if it isn't purely a prenatal, like Women's One a Day or Centrum.

How much fish oil?

Oh damn I didn’t know, should I just take folic with vitamin d until I buy alternative.

This is the one I am taking 2x and my partner the same.

Is there anything else I could be taking that will help my sway further?

I don’t even know tbh I anticipated my period would of returned by now but nothing we are BD every 2/3 days unprotected with little pressed and lots of praying for a blue one.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Londongirl1990

November 25th, 2020, 03:39 PM

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201125/3d92dfe2259a21b3578f92feaa4a9bef.jpg

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

9jamama01

November 25th, 2020, 04:21 PM

Sounds like we are exactly in the same place. I don’t know my husband thinks I am crazy with all this research and believes what ever we are destined for we will get but for me if I can improve my odds like a little why not but at the same time I feel guilty about the idea of no wanting another DD, and trying to sway to a boy, so it’s like a bittersweet moment. I am EBF still so I don’t think that sways me more pink and all my relatives who have siblings close in age seem to have girls so that also is at the back of my head.

What supplements are u taking - I am limited due to the ebf
I am taking prencare pre conception
Extra folic with vitamin d
Fish oil

Read green tea is good

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hi London,

Presently I'm taking Centrum women, fish oil and probiotics.

What do you mean when you say you are EBF still?

Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk

Londongirl1990

November 25th, 2020, 04:57 PM

Hi London,

Presently I'm taking Centrum women, fish oil and probiotics.

What do you mean when you say you are EBF still?

Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk

I am still breastfeeding my 13 month old daughter
Which fish oil and probiotics are you taking

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

9jamama01

November 26th, 2020, 04:46 AM

I am still breastfeeding my 13 month old daughter
Which fish oil and probiotics are you taking

Sent from my iPhone using TapatalkOkay, I saw EBF and I thought you meant you were still breastfeeding exclusively as in no solids just breast milk, but I understand now[emoji846].

I am taking Nature made fish oil, Earth Pearl probiotics and Extra folate.

When do you plan to ttc?

Good luck with your blue sway

Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk

Londongirl1990

November 26th, 2020, 04:55 AM

Okay, I saw EBF and I thought you meant you were still breastfeeding exclusively as in no solids just breast milk, but I understand now[emoji846].

I am taking Nature made fish oil, Earth Pearl probiotics and Extra folate.

When do you plan to ttc?

Good luck with your blue sway

Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk

Well she is on 3 meals but night time feeds a lot I think it’s more comfort sucking to be honest.

We are BD unprotected every 2/3 days but I don’t have my periods back yet since birth so not even sure I ovulate I tried the OPk but the test line never gets any darker so not sure really it’s like
Shooting blind.
What about you? Anything else you using alongside the supplements. I am also using pressed apparently it favours boys more. [emoji3590]

Lots of blue baby dust our way for our final baby

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

atomic sagebrush

November 26th, 2020, 10:34 AM

Sorry but those fish oils aren't going to work. We have seen a lot of opposites with evening primrose oil and that's much too high a dose.

I would prefer to see you take no more than 500 mg fish oil tops and NO evening primrose or other Omega 6 fatty acids, including flaxseed (which is dangerous even during pregnancy, please avoid flaxseed oil everyone, and keep flaxseed itself to dietary amounts no more than 2-3 times per week...this means no flaxseed smoothies!)

atomic sagebrush

March 6th, 2022, 04:24 PM

Update: Site member "the final countdown" just pointed something out about this thread that I thought was super interesting. What if part of the reason that moms with all girls try sooner is because older girls are more helpful, freeing up moms from some of the housework and baby chores? While this doesn't explain every person trying soon after having a baby (because some of you lovely ladies have 3-4-5 very small girls!) I have seen quite a few women on here who have many girls, some who are 8+ and I do wonder if it may play some part for them. I have certainly noticed that my daughter, who's 9 1/2, is SUPER helpful with chores and also does a better job of them then the boys do (even at times her adult brothers, le sigh). Beyond that, she's also very thoughtful and considerate of my feelings, noticing things like when I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, not feeling well and so on and steps up to do little things that otherwise I'd have to do.

I'm not saying (AT ALL) that my boys don't do chores, aren't helpful, considerate, etc etc etc but I'm simply saying that there is definitely more of a voluntary, even eager effort in this regard from my daughter. I recall I was also very into helping my mom with my (much younger) siblings when I was growing up, doing more chores than all my boys combined have ever done, without being asked, in addition to doing lots of kid-related tasks too.

Again, can't say as I think this explains all of the difference, but maybe some of it, especially for people who have older girls!