Moms of 3+

[Greydore]

Hi all, we are considering TTC this summer. Our boys will be almost 4 and 18 months at that point, so would be 4 and 2 if we conceive quickly. I don't feel done, but lately I've been feeling really nervous about having 3 kids. I'm kind of neurotic and anxious, which makes me not a very laid back parent (I really need to work on this). Im worried that the third baby would send me over the edge. On the other hand, maybe it would be the kid that makes me go with the flow more. My parents have 4 kids and said that going to 3 was the hardest transition. My grandparents have 8 and also said that going to 3 was hardest. The research seems to fit that- parental happiness is lowest after having the third child. Can any moms of 3 or more share their experiences? I know that no one can make the decision for me, but I like hearing from other parents.

[melisha78]

I am curious to know also. I want three myself


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[XXforhubby]

My experience with 3 kids is that it is by far the easiest! My oldest was our hardest. I too used to be a bit anxious, especially about being somewhere on time. It has gotten WAY better with 3. I guess I prepare them more, start to get ready earlier, my oldest are 6 and 3 and they help more, and I've calmed WAY down! My 3rd baby is tender hearted and could NOT handle how uptight I used to be. Makes me kinda sad for my oldest, although he says I'm the best mom ever [emoji4].

FX and GL to you! Feel free to ask me questions anytime!



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji1317]for pink[emoji166]
https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920/thumb.png
My Ovulation Chart (https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

[business.woman]

I'm wondering the same , I have 2 and now moving to have a third
I'm more anxious about having them close in age , I had a 5 1/2 years age gab between my DD (7years old)and DS (a year and a half)


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[MiaMelb]

I'm curious about the transition to having three as well, I'm so on the fence about having another. The article talking about the two girl family being the happiest (know this isn't necessarily true for all families but what the research found at the time) keeps playing in my mind. I'm concerned that we might be ruining a good thing by introducing a third.

[kpmum]

I personally found the transition from 2 to 3 easier than 1 to 2. My boys are 2 years and 4 months a part and I found it challenging having 2 small children at home. We went HT for our daughter and the gap is 3 and a half years. I found the larger gap easier but also having 2 boys- 6 and nearly 4- being able to play together and entertain themselves when I was preoccupied with feeding my daughter etc. Also my eldest started school and my youngest boy was still in childcare a couple of days so I got lots of one on one time with my daughter or mainly just had the 2 at home at once. I do have friends that have 3 that have had a much different experience but all had close gaps with all 3 (2 years or less a part) So maybe the key is a larger gap with the third?

[Greydore]

My experience with 3 kids is that it is by far the easiest! My oldest was our hardest. I too used to be a bit anxious, especially about being somewhere on time. It has gotten WAY better with 3. I guess I prepare them more, start to get ready earlier, my oldest are 6 and 3 and they help more, and I've calmed WAY down! My 3rd baby is tender hearted and could NOT handle how uptight I used to be. Makes me kinda sad for my oldest, although he says I'm the best mom ever [emoji4].

FX and GL to you! Feel free to ask me questions anytime!



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji1317]for pink[emoji166]
https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920/thumb.png
My Ovulation Chart (https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)


My oldest was my hardest too. My second has been easy, until recently (he's almost 1). Plus now they're starting to pick at each other- I see a lot of fighting in our future. I definitely get that guilt with my first- a difficult baby combined with a high strung mom can make things really tough. I feel like I have a special bond with him, like we made it though something hard together, if that makes sense? XX, will you get the early blood test to find out gender? Congrats on your BFP!

[Greydore]

I personally found the transition from 2 to 3 easier than 1 to 2. My boys are 2 years and 4 months a part and I found it challenging having 2 small children at home. We went HT for our daughter and the gap is 3 and a half years. I found the larger gap easier but also having 2 boys- 6 and nearly 4- being able to play together and entertain themselves when I was preoccupied with feeding my daughter etc. Also my eldest started school and my youngest boy was still in childcare a couple of days so I got lots of one on one time with my daughter or mainly just had the 2 at home at once. I do have friends that have 3 that have had a much different experience but all had close gaps with all 3 (2 years or less a part) So maybe the key is a larger gap with the third?

I had the hardest time going from 0 to 1, probably because my first was a surprise and a difficult baby. 1-2 was much easier than expected, although I agree the days can be super long and monotonous with 2 small kids at home. I think you're right about the age gap making a difference. If I did conceive this summer, my oldest would still only be 4.5 when the baby is born and over a year away from going to kindergarten. It seems like a lot to take on, but I also don't want to wait because I wanted to be done having kids by 30 (I'm 28). I guess I'm the definition of a boy mom, overthinking everything! Haha.

[XXforhubby]

0-1 was hard for me. Going from 1-2 was super easy. My oldest needs constant interaction while my second is SO independent and a self-starter. This made it easy going from 2-3. When my oldest two are home, they play together.



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji1317]for pink[emoji166]
https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920/thumb.png
My Ovulation Chart (https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

[XXforhubby]

Greydore- Thank you! We will wait until the anatomy scan between 16-20 weeks. I'll have a great idea from my NT scan that I'll have done between 13-13.5 weeks. The hospital I go to has the top of the line US machines that provides much better imaging. All of my boys showed very clearly their boy "parts" during my NT scan. While the techs couldn't confirm due to fetal age, it was completely obvious. I did the NIPT and genetic testing last time and know my risk for downs is extremely low until I reach 40 years of age. While anything is certainly possible it wouldn't change the outcome for us.



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji1317]for pink[emoji166]
https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920/thumb.png
My Ovulation Chart (https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/579920)

[maximbella]

Greydore, I feel like I could have written this myself! I'm so blessed to have 2 DD's, but I am totally type A and at times having my two feels so overwhelming (mainly by stress I place on myself)! I would love to have another DD, but I do worry (a lot, actually) about it putting me over the edge. I will have a big age gap that I do believe will help (they would be 5 and 7), but I worry about adding stress and starting all over again, especially when I'm finally seeing the "light at the end of the tunnel" and things are getting easier for me. So helpful to see your experiences ladies!

Separately, can someone explain why stressing and being Type A sways blue? Do I need xanax or something lol? :giggle:

[Greydore]

Greydore, I feel like I could have written this myself! I'm so blessed to have 2 DD's, but I am totally type A and at times having my two feels so overwhelming (mainly by stress I place on myself)! I would love to have another DD, but I do worry (a lot, actually) about it putting me over the edge. I will have a big age gap that I do believe will help (they would be 5 and 7), but I worry about adding stress and starting all over again, especially when I'm finally seeing the "light at the end of the tunnel" and things are getting easier for me. So helpful to see your experiences ladies!

Separately, can someone explain why stressing and being Type A sways blue? Do I need xanax or something lol? :giggle:

My first thought was, if you had two girls being a type A person, why couldn't you have another? Maybe your other habits outweigh the Type A stuff? I put a lot of stress on myself too. When it's getting bad I try to think, what would my husband do? Haha. He is much better at chilling out and just enjoying our boys. I think the ages of your girls are great! My sister was born when my middle sister and I were 4 and 6. We adored her and loved helping my parents. I do get the light at the end of the tunnel thing- I fantasize about having my kids in school so I can have some time to myself. There is no light for me right now with toddlers, haha.

[maximbella]

My first thought was, if you had two girls being a type A person, why couldn't you have another? Maybe your other habits outweigh the Type A stuff? I put a lot of stress on myself too. When it's getting bad I try to think, what would my husband do? Haha. He is much better at chilling out and just enjoying our boys. I think the ages of your girls are great! My sister was born when my middle sister and I were 4 and 6. We adored her and loved helping my parents. I do get the light at the end of the tunnel thing- I fantasize about having my kids in school so I can have some time to myself. There is no light for me right now with toddlers, haha.

Totally get it, Grey! My girls are 19 months apart and I remember how taxing it was when they were super little. That said, they are now incredibly close and it's so wonderful!

I probably do have a pretty friendly pink diet naturally - no red meat ever, only meat is chicken breast or fish, lots of coffee and diet cokes, etc. However, I do eat very "clean" and have a lot of veggies and nutrients in my food, which I thought swayed blue.

Grey, are you and your sisters still very close? I'm from a family of four girls and we are all so close. It's the reason that I'm swaying pink....would love to give my girls the same experience that I've shared with my sisters (although I totally realize it's not always going to happen). Love hearing other peoples experiences, especially with the dynamic of 3 girls instead of 4. Was anyone ever left out?

[Greydore]

Totally get it, Grey! My girls are 19 months apart and I remember how taxing it was when they were super little. That said, they are now incredibly close and it's so wonderful!

I probably do have a pretty friendly pink diet naturally - no red meat ever, only meat is chicken breast or fish, lots of coffee and diet cokes, etc. However, I do eat very "clean" and have a lot of veggies and nutrients in my food, which I thought swayed blue.

Grey, are you and your sisters still very close? I'm from a family of four girls and we are all so close. It's the reason that I'm swaying pink....would love to give my girls the same experience that I've shared with my sisters (although I totally realize it's not always going to happen). Love hearing other peoples experiences, especially with the dynamic of 3 girls instead of 4. Was anyone ever left out?

My middle sister and the third sister fought a lot. But, I think that was more middle sister's personality then their age gap. She is 26 now and is still stubborn and hard headed. I babied my third sister, I was like a little mother to her. Middle sister and I are close, we just don't live near each other now. The third sister died when she was 7, so there's no way to know what dynamic we would have now :( she would be 22 now and I'd like to think we would be close. My youngest sister was born after her death and she's only 12. She's definitely more like an only child. She loves visiting us for weekends and we have a good relationship with her. Middle sister and I talk regularly and both of us call our mom almost every day. We get together for weekends and have a great time. My parents did always want a son, but they love how close their daughters have stayed (relationship wise).

[business.woman]

I was a girl among 6 sisters
When my older sisters got married I grew up with 2 of my sisters
I was in the middle , and I was kind of lost , they had a good relation and they formed like a team against me
So you can imagine how hard it was for me.

I had a better relation with my older sisters though , when I see them in the weekends and such..


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[maximbella]

Grey, thanks for sharing. And I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. But I am happy to hear that you have a good relationship with your other sisters. I truly believe that (if personalities align), there's nothing like a sister! :)

business, wow 6 sisters?! Also glad to hear that you're close with your older sisters.

[business.woman]

Grey, thanks for sharing. And I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. But I am happy to hear that you have a good relationship with your other sisters. I truly believe that (if personalities align), there's nothing like a sister! :)

business, wow 6 sisters?! Also glad to hear that you're close with your older sisters.

Yep my mom kept getting pregnant hoping to have boys


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[maximbella]

business - my mom asked my dad for more kids, but he refused after the 4th girl was born! ;)

[srg09cag11]

My first two girls are 23 months apart -- they fight A LOT about when things aren't "equal," but just as often they refuse a treat unless the other one gets it too. They are both incredibly close and incredibly competitive. I had a boy about 2.5 years after my second daughter, but he passed away as an infant. I have a third daughter who is one now, while the other girls are five and seven. They ADORE her because she's basically the perfect baby in personality and cuteness. We'll see how that plays out in the future. :cool: Now we're looking to add a fourth and final babe to the mix to give my littlest a sibling close in age!

[Greydore]

My first two girls are 23 months apart -- they fight A LOT about when things aren't "equal," but just as often they refuse a treat unless the other one gets it too. They are both incredibly close and incredibly competitive. I had a boy about 2.5 years after my second daughter, but he passed away as an infant. I have a third daughter who is one now, while the other girls are five and seven. They ADORE her because she's basically the perfect baby in personality and cuteness. We'll see how that plays out in the future. :cool: Now we're looking to add a fourth and final babe to the mix to give my littlest a sibling close in age!

Sounds like my two. They are 27 months apart, and the baby will be 1 next week. They already fight, and they constantly want what the other one has. I hope they play at some point and not just fight!

[atomic sagebrush]

I have an odd family makeup, my husband and I have 2 older boys, then 13 year age gap, then we had 3 more. (so I kinda have 2 families, one with 2, one with 3)

I found going from 1 to 2 harder both times than going from 2 to 3. IT was partly child temperament (kids 1 and 3 were my most difficult, 2,4,5 are laid back) but I think MOSTLY because you have to go all in as a parent. I think a lot of us try to keep up with a normal life LOL with one and two, but with 3 you're pretty much full timing it. It sounds worse, but it's better because instead of trying to keep up with 10,000 balls juggling in the air, you just accept that you're doing kid stuff or household chores most of the time and letting go of a lot of things that are not important. It's a triage kind of thing where you do the things that matter most and learn to let go of other stuff. :)

Now, it wasn't easy, not gonna lie, but at no point did I ever feel truly as overwhelmed as I did that first year both times going from 1 to 2.

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm curious about the transition to having three as well, I'm so on the fence about having another. The article talking about the two girl family being the happiest (know this isn't necessarily true for all families but what the research found at the time) keeps playing in my mind. I'm concerned that we might be ruining a good thing by introducing a third.

This is not what "research" found. It's one questionnaire administered by an unreliable source to a handful of people in some unusual, unique situation (don't remember right this minute, but it was not a random sampling) that is of no scientific meaning whatsoever that media seized on and reported in an even more misleading way because it suits their narrative where girls are better than boys and everyone should have very small families.

If it gives any 2 girl moms peace to believe in it, I hope it does and don't let my opinion stop you, but a lot of other people found this "research" very upsetting and it's junk science. No answers on any questionnaire can tell anyone anything about THEIR family. :)

[atomic sagebrush]

Greydore, I feel like I could have written this myself! I'm so blessed to have 2 DD's, but I am totally type A and at times having my two feels so overwhelming (mainly by stress I place on myself)! I would love to have another DD, but I do worry (a lot, actually) about it putting me over the edge. I will have a big age gap that I do believe will help (they would be 5 and 7), but I worry about adding stress and starting all over again, especially when I'm finally seeing the "light at the end of the tunnel" and things are getting easier for me. So helpful to see your experiences ladies!

Separately, can someone explain why stressing and being Type A sways blue? Do I need xanax or something lol? :giggle:

We don't know why. It's just something that I see again and again where the boy moms tend to hunt down every possible thing and beat it into a coma, and the girl moms sometimes will give up easily and feel defeated over things that they can't control. Not ALL, just SOME) There is a theory called "Maternal Dominance Hypothesis" that claims it's testosterone, but this has never been proven and there is quite a lot of newer data that makes me seriously doubt the idea.

If you already have 2 girls I would not sweat the MDH idea at all.

[atomic sagebrush]

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Greydore.

[atomic sagebrush]

So sorry for your loss srg. :heart:

[atomic sagebrush]

business - my mom asked my dad for more kids, but he refused after the 4th girl was born! ;)

My greatgrandparents had 6 girls in a row and then 2 boys at the end!! Funny how families are!

[maximbella]

Atomic, thank you SO much for sharing your feedback on the study... That was one of the things my husband tried to share with me when he I brought up trying for a 3rd. He was super opposed to it because he thought that we already had the "perfect setup" and there's even a "study" to prove it. I'm reading him your post tonight when he gets home!

[atomic sagebrush]

Atomic, thank you SO much for sharing your feedback on the study... That was one of the things my husband tried to share with me when he I brought up trying for a 3rd. He was super opposed to it because he thought that we already had the "perfect setup" and there's even a "study" to prove it. I'm reading him your post tonight when he gets home!

Somewhere on here, within the last month I debunked it point by point. Does anyone quickly recall where that was???? (I make a lot of posts so it's tough for me to go back thru my posts and find things like that, but if someone had also posted on that same thread and only has a few posts maybe they can find it easier than I can.

[Greydore]

This is not what "research" found. It's one questionnaire administered by an unreliable source to a handful of people in some unusual, unique situation (don't remember right this minute, but it was not a random sampling) that is of no scientific meaning whatsoever that media seized on and reported in an even more misleading way because it suits their narrative where girls are better than boys and everyone should have very small families.

If it gives any 2 girl moms peace to believe in it, I hope it does and don't let my opinion stop you, but a lot of other people found this "research" very upsetting and it's junk science. No answers on any questionnaire can tell anyone anything about THEIR family. :)

Thanks for this. It kind of made me sad hearing this since I have two boys. I will say this- friends and family that have had a boy after two girls are overjoyed, the girls love babying their little brother.

[Greydore]

I have an odd family makeup, my husband and I have 2 older boys, then 13 year age gap, then we had 3 more. (so I kinda have 2 families, one with 2, one with 3)

I found going from 1 to 2 harder both times than going from 2 to 3. IT was partly child temperament (kids 1 and 3 were my most difficult, 2,4,5 are laid back) but I think MOSTLY because you have to go all in as a parent. I think a lot of us try to keep up with a normal life LOL with one and two, but with 3 you're pretty much full timing it. It sounds worse, but it's better because instead of trying to keep up with 10,000 balls juggling in the air, you just accept that you're doing kid stuff or household chores most of the time and letting go of a lot of things that are not important. It's a triage kind of thing where you do the things that matter most and learn to let go of other stuff. :)

Now, it wasn't easy, not gonna lie, but at no point did I ever feel truly as overwhelmed as I did that first year both times going from 1 to 2.

Thanks for your input. Makes me feel better about having a third. My 1 to 2 was easy because 2 was easy, while 1 was hard. Personality definitely matters.

[MiaMelb]

Thanks for this. It kind of made me sad hearing this since I have two boys. I will say this- friends and family that have had a boy after two girls are overjoyed, the girls love babying their little brother.

Sorry if my comment upset you Greydore, definately wasn't my intention. In hindsight it doesn't read very well and I am pleased Atomic clarified the poor quality of the questioning/research in that article too.

What I was trying to get at in my original post, though not very well, was my fear that in my particular family having a third baby may unsettle things. My girls already bring me so much happiness I don't know why I feel like I want to mess with a good thing.

[Greydore]

Sorry if my comment upset you Greydore, definately wasn't my intention. In hindsight it doesn't read very well and I am pleased Atomic clarified the poor quality of the questioning/research in that article too.

What I was trying to get at in my original post, though not very well, was my fear that in my particular family having a third baby may unsettle things. My girls already bring me so much happiness I don't know why I feel like I want to mess with a good thing.

No worries! I know what you meant! :)