Team Green or Gender Scan

[Kyslate85]

I have had 4 boys and am currently 5 weeks into my 5th pregnancy. My husband is talking about going team green in hopes it might help with gender disappointment. I know it's a long time away but I can tell but already wonder boy or girl. I'm not sure if I'm patient enough to wait but I am thinking about it and if we do decide to, I want to start preparing myself and try to stop thinking about gender.

So my question is for those of you with children the same sex, did you go team green or find out? Are you glad with your decision or wish you would've done the other?

[Faithinpink]

Hi kyslate85, Iam following this because iam in exactly the same boat .
Iam wondering every single day and its driving me crazy .

[BrightSky]

Hi kyslate85, congrats on your pregnancy! It's a tough one, and there are pros and cons either way. With my last pregnancy I did not find out the sex and really happy with the decision. I desperately wanted a girl whilst pregnant and knew if I heard boy I would be upset and struggle to be 'involved' in the experience. I also knew that once I met my little one I would love them instantly so decided to wait until this moment to find out the gender. I did have a strong inkling when pregnant that it was another boy, so I think this helped me accept it too. Im really glad I waited until I meet him in person, he's an amazing baby and makes it hard for me to be disappointed :) good luck with whatever you decide xx

[Girlieplease]

Tricky one, am currently pregnant with DS3, I swayed hard for a girl, I have a dd my eldest. I found via the harmony test that this current pregnancy was a boy, my gd was extreme and I would say it has ruined this pregnancy, I was very distressed for a long time, detached from the pregnancy, refused to tell people I was pregnant. I am slowly but surely getting there but I still wish I had not got pregnant. My husband wonders if it would have been better to have waited until the birth and maybe seeing the baby as a person would have moderated my reaction. I am not sure, I would be so terrified to feel those feelings when I had a wee baby to care for and not sleeping etc. We could not go team green as we needed to tell my dd the sex of the baby when we told her we were pregnant. I knew she would want a sister, she took the news badly so letting her get her hopes up that it was a girl to be disappointed at the birth would have been awful!

Good luck x

[4blue2pink]

i found out at 18-20 weeks with my 4 boys and my 5th who was my second girl (1st girl was lost mid pregnancy) with my 6th baby last year who was a pink sway i decided to go team green.. i opted out of the 12 and 20 week scans so i didnt have to sit there trying to guess off scan pics etc.. then when i got to 37 weeks i had my one and only scan and opted to find out, turned out my sway had worked and baby girl number 3 was on her way :)

looking back it would have been amazing to have that "its a girl" surprise when she was born but during the course of the pregnancy i realised i only wanted the big surprise reveal at birth if baby was in fact a girl, i really really didnt want the surprise to be that the sway had failed.. i found the whole pregnancy up to 37 weeks to be a total mind game, it was slowly driving me insane!!

if i hadnt of found out with her and had experienced my "OMG its a girl" surprise i wouldnt be rushing to go team green again i dont think, for me its an experience that i really would like to have but unfortunately its heavily mixed up with the desire for one gender.. im unsure what i will do for my next pregnancy, i think i may regret never getting to experience a surprise at the birth once my baby making days are over, but on the other hand not knowing did stop me enjoying the pregnancy last time because i couldnt relax, i also found not knowing made it harder to imagine the baby being with us and it felt less real.

best of luck with whatever you decide and i hope you have your little girl in there :) xx

[Butterflies buttercups]

It ruined my last pregnancy not finding out and I was basically depressed whilst pregnant this time I 100% will find out at an early gender scan so I can prepare myself otherwise I will be on Google for the next 8 months just typing in rediculois things convincing myself it's a girl ( which I'm currently doing !!) and I can't wait to stop and just enjoy being pregnant.


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[4blue2pink]

completely relate to that BB!! that was me up till i found out at 37 weeks.. can i ask if it felt like a big difference to you finding out at the birth compared to knowing ahead of time? do you feel that by knowing before the birth you rob yourself of a special moment at the birth? also massive congratulations on your bfp :D xx

[Butterflies buttercups]

Well because I had such a strong intuition that it was a boy then thought I saw his bits on the 20 week scan I also examined ultrasound videos matching them Up with mine which drove me insane - I think either look at the scan or don't because if u think u see something or if u don't see something u will convince yourself either way which can then heighten the anxiety - it was lovely seeing him at the birth but I wasn't crying happy tears they were tears of 'knowing' I would have to go through all of this again to try for a girl ... I've had 2 c sections so not easy labours either which made it harder to recover with depression and breastfeeding and the comments from ppl Aswell!!

I agree it would be lovely to have a surprise at birth but maybe easier if your not hoping for a certain gender as u may still have All the gender anxiety all th way through xx


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[cosmosis]

From my experience, it is better to find a way to cope and work through gender disappointment regardless of which direction you go. There's pros and cons either way. I did a 90% team green with DD. It was my OB who gave it away when I asked her at the scan. She said, "it could be a boy" (no sh!t sherlock, lol) with a disappointed face.

So I left the office at 20w unsure if it was a boy or girl but leaning towards girl due to her comment. It was much worse buying the gender neutral stuff feeling like that. Had I found out, I would have had time to at least try and get excited. My poor DD had to wear yellow and green outfits for her first 6 weeks LOL. I got her headbands though.

She turned out to be such a huge blessing and so perfect for my now blended family that I feel silly now. Not sure what I'll go for this time around. The A type in me wants to plan everything out and the other part of me loves a surprise.

In order to enjoy your surprise, you have to come to terms and accept either outcome first. Make the decision to either find out or not BUT STICK WITH IT. Don't be like me lol.

[atomic sagebrush]

I went Team Green the first 2 times and loved it - but I had no gender preference with them (actually wanted a boy with DS 1)

I am really thankful I did not go Team Green with my 3rd because I was SO SURE he was a girl and I'd have really been shocked silly in the delivery room.

I also found out with DS 4 and DD and I am glad. I just felt like it was better for me.

[atomic sagebrush]

Tricky one, am currently pregnant with DS3, I swayed hard for a girl, I have a dd my eldest. I found via the harmony test that this current pregnancy was a boy, my gd was extreme and I would say it has ruined this pregnancy, I was very distressed for a long time, detached from the pregnancy, refused to tell people I was pregnant. I am slowly but surely getting there but I still wish I had not got pregnant. My husband wonders if it would have been better to have waited until the birth and maybe seeing the baby as a person would have moderated my reaction. I am not sure, I would be so terrified to feel those feelings when I had a wee baby to care for and not sleeping etc. We could not go team green as we needed to tell my dd the sex of the baby when we told her we were pregnant. I knew she would want a sister, she took the news badly so letting her get her hopes up that it was a girl to be disappointed at the birth would have been awful!

Good luck x

:agree: exactly. I would not want to have experienced the feelings I felt at my ultrasound with DS 3 when looking at a beautiful small human being that needed me. :(

[Kyslate85]

Thank you ladies! I don't have much patience and I feel like waiting would take some bonding away. With DS4 I cried when I found out he was a boy, on more than one occasion. Eventually I got over it and forgot that I ever even wanted a girl. I have read somewhere that some woman wait to find out in hopes that they would not get GD. It sounds like for most that it was important to know so you could bond and accept your babies gender. If I did conceive a girl I would definitely want pink/purple, ruffles and dresses. Not yellow and green ;). And since we thought we were done, we gave away all of our baby boy clothes! I guess if my husband wants to wait, he doesn't have to find out.

[Throwaway_panther]

This is one where I wish we could tell you for sure, but I think it depends on so many things.

With me, I desperately wanted a boy but had a girl, and we found out at the anatomy scan (and I was fairly certain by the nub shot at 13w, even though it was ambiguous enough that other people couldn't guess).

We decided to keep the sex a secret for a variety of reasons, but everyone ever thought I was having a boy. If I had gone green, and had been wanting a boy, I can't imagine how I'd have felt when my DD was born considering how strongly people felt it was a boy (and I did have 95% boy old wives tales). I'm sure I would have still felt the same bond with her that I do, but I also wonder if my postpartum experience in general would have been very different.

That said, I had an awful, awful pregnancy mostly because of how miserable I was at not having my desired sexed baby. And my misery was already in those first 20 weeks dreading having a girl, anyway. I know I'd find out with Harmony at 10w next time, for sure.

But then, I'm also of the mindset that I'm not exactly sure how enjoyable pregnancy can really be anyway, so why not work through the issues BEFORE the labor and even harder stuff with a newborn, haha ;)

[XXforhubby]

I'm such a planner and have to know! Luckily all my children revealed what they were!

While I personally cannot go team green, I'm thinking of not telling people what we are having until the baby is born. People will already have their minds made up what we are having anyway, since this is our fourth. We don't reveal the baby's name until birth anyway, so people don't need to know we are not team green!



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji1317]for pink[emoji166]
https://lmtm.lilypie.com/Tub9m6.png (https://lilypie.com)

[BrightSky]

I think if I was to have another one I would find out the gender, but like xxforhubby keep it to ourselves. I found out with my first, mainly so I could get organised, with the second I had so much stuff I didnt factor that in. If you have given away your baby clothes, it might be good to find out so you can get prepared again. You might get clues along the way ie at the 12 week scan that could influence your decision. My clues pointed boy, so I decided to let the idea sink in and if it was a girl it would be a nice surprise. I think if the clues had pointed girl I would have found out - I would have hated to go on thinking it was a girl if it wasn't.


Thank you ladies! I don't have much patience and I feel like waiting would take some bonding away. With DS4 I cried when I found out he was a boy, on more than one occasion. Eventually I got over it and forgot that I ever even wanted a girl. I have read somewhere that some woman wait to find out in hopes that they would not get GD. It sounds like for most that it was important to know so you could bond and accept your babies gender. If I did conceive a girl I would definitely want pink/purple, ruffles and dresses. Not yellow and green ;). And since we thought we were done, we gave away all of our baby boy clothes! I guess if my husband wants to wait, he doesn't have to find out.

[MiaMelb]

Very pleased to read others thoughts on this too.
I have no idea what I would do, I have a foot in so many camps on this one.
Enjoyed a suprise with DD1. Knew we were planning on having more kids so was only mildly disappointed as I imagined a boy the whole pregnancy.
Found out at our 12 week scan with DD2. I'd always thought we'd only have 2 kids so wanted to know so I could get over any disappointment before the birth. Spent many weeks checking the likelihood of the 12 week scan being wrong and then worked through my feelings of GD during the pregnancy. Wouldn't say I was completely over it by the birth, although I adore her immensely. Haven't worked through them completely yet either hence being here.
If/when we go for #3 I'm in two minds. I like the idea of the surprise as that way I can enjoy the pregnancy and the hope not knowing provides. I'd convince myself it was another girl, which wouldn't be hard, so that I wasn't disappointed if it was. I also like the idea of finding out but not telling anyone that you've found out. That way I could work through any feelings of disappointment, and hopefully most people would lay off about the gender if they think I don't know. Guess that relies on some decent acting skills which would be hard. Think others would also be less likely to make some of the unintentional hurtful comments "oh another girl" if the baby is actually here. Having said that if I found out it was a boy don't know if I could contain my excitement for the rest of the pregnancy.
Definately a very personal decision with pros and cons each way.

[Pbn3]

This is one of those catch 22's.....

On one hand we all (including myself) like to think if we are told at birth that bub is a boy that we would be ok because how could you not fall in love with your newborn right? And if your told 'girl!' well I'm sure we've all played out that scenario in our head!! My only advice is, if you've suffered from any form of depression previously then maybe you are better off finding out and getting help with any depression prior to bubs birth. I only say this as the hormonal change and possible postnatal blues could really knock you for six.

This is coming from someone who has had three losses in 12 months but STILL questions how she'll feel when she hears boy if she gets pregnant again (amd deals daily with the guilt for thinking so) ..... I like to think and say I really don't care as long as bub is healthy BUT that still doesn't stop me from dreaming that 'it's a girl!' moment :( but now I sound like a hypocrite because I have suffered from depression (stemming from my losses) and am currently still on antidepressants but at this stage if I got pregnant I personally would stay team green because this would be my very last baby so that sways strongly towards team green and I also think once you've battled depression you can recognise it more easily for what it is and therefore be better equipped to deal with it. So sorry for rambling on and I hope this makes some kind of sense....

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[lindz]

I needed to find out with this baby. At the 19 week scan, both my husband and I thought it was a girl based on what we did see(she turned off the screen while she was doing the in depth look) but from a quick look we were like no penis, yay! We did a gender reveal, and it was a boy. I can't imagine how I'd feel thinking this whole time it was a girl. I like having the nursery done and could never pick a gender neutral theme if I was having a girl. I'd need to go all out with pink and girly decorations. I'd also hate everyone guessing it's a girl, and getting my hopes up. I think it's better for me to have coped with my gender disappointment throughout the pregnancy because trying to cope with it while taking care of a newborn would have been so hard for me. If you know you'll be excited about just having a baby in general, I could see being team green, but I know for me i would take the healthy baby being born for granted, and focus on what I don't have, and it would get in the way of my bonding with him


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[Greydore]

I've done it both ways, and I wouldn't do team green again. I had no gender preference for either of my boys. To me, team green wasn't 'worth' the wait if that makes sense. Everyone thought he was a boy, so it wasn't much of a surprise when he was. I enjoyed finding out at the 20 week ultrasound with our second, and knowing he was a boy meant I could relax and use all of his brother's old stuff. Looking back, I have no idea how I made it through my first pregnancy not knowing. I loved knowing my second was a boy and bonding with him before birth.

[coralsky]

I have also done it both ways, and agree that I def. preferred knowing ahead of the birth. With DS1 I was team green (at DHs request) and I did find the 'shock' of GD hindered the initial bonding a little bit (only a little- but still.. I think it would have been worse if he wasn't my first, because with my first I knew there would *hopefully* be another chance, as I definitely wanted another in the future). So for DS2 we found out early (DH did not have a choice in that!) and although I felt the GD stronger that time (2 was our ideal number of kids) I MUCH preferred it that way, because by the time he was born, I had made my peace with the fact he wasn't a girl, and had worked through a lot of the GD stuff in my head, so was much more able to feel excited to meet him, and I did feel the initial bond much stronger that time (which I know was completely due to the fact I knew the sex ahead of the birth). I do understand your dilemma because I was a bit scared to find out early (afraid of the disappointment) but the way I reasoned was- if the pregnancy was my DG, then it wouldn't matter when I found out, I would be ecstatic - so I thought to myself- ok, if I assume it is a boy, when would be better to know- now or later? And I realised that 100% the answer to that was NOW, because the longer I went on not knowing the stronger the 'shock' of the disappointment would likely be. So- for me, it was completely and utterly the right decision to find out asap. :) Best of luck whichever way you choose xx
Oh and PS. I also liked being able to shop for 'non-gender-neutral' baby clothes before baby arrived, as I found I did not have as much time for shopping with a newborn! lol.

[atomic sagebrush]

^^^That's an excellent point, Coral...the longer you go on not knowing, the stronger the "shock" may be.

Has anyone else noticed that when you wait for things sometimes they take on an almost epic importance in your mind? Like a doctor's appointment you have to wait weeks for vs. only a couple days, you dwell on it and get all nervous? That's what I think happens with people who don't find out - it's almost like it consumes them and they get all obsessed over symptoms and cravings and heartbeat and things the tech said during the ultrasound, etc. But they don't want to find out because "well, it will ruin my pregnancy" and I'm like "It IS ruining your pregnancy anyway!!" ;)

So, if you're not going to find out in the hopes of having a happy pregnancy, you may end up just as uptight over not knowing as you are over knowing. :) For whatever that is worth, if anything

[XXforhubby]

I agree! It's easy for me to relax and accept whatever this little baby is, because I know I'm going to find out at my scan in a few weeks. I cannot imagine going team green- I would be a wreck! I'm just trying to get through this morning sickness and food aversion to fruit except bananas- they taste like cough medicine [emoji20]. I think this is why I haven't gained any weight so far at 8 weeks. I'm having to redefine my whole diet



[emoji170][emoji1379]DS1, [emoji577]DS2, & [emoji602]DS3[emoji170]
[emoji166]EDD 9/30/2017 [emoji1317]for pink[emoji166]
https://lmtm.lilypie.com/Tub9m6.png (https://lilypie.com)

[Greydore]

^^^That's an excellent point, Coral...the longer you go on not knowing, the stronger the "shock" may be.

Has anyone else noticed that when you wait for things sometimes they take on an almost epic importance in your mind? Like a doctor's appointment you have to wait weeks for vs. only a couple days, you dwell on it and get all nervous? That's what I think happens with people who don't find out - it's almost like it consumes them and they get all obsessed over symptoms and cravings and heartbeat and things the tech said during the ultrasound, etc. But they don't want to find out because "well, it will ruin my pregnancy" and I'm like "It IS ruining your pregnancy anyway!!" ;)

So, if you're not going to find out in the hopes of having a happy pregnancy, you may end up just as uptight over not knowing as you are over knowing. :) For whatever that is worth, if anything



Exactly! The ONLY reason I was team green with my first was because I was really okay not knowing. It seems odd, but I was. It didn't take much willpower not to find out (not even at the scan!) When I realized I wanted to know with my second, I did. Because if you want to, why NOT find out? Why spend your pregnancy using every ounce of willpower not to find out? It seems silly, because in the end your baby is going to be one or the other. I read forums of women looking for support in staying team green because they were struggling, and I usually asked, well, why don't you just find out? I didn't feel like finding out at 20 weeks was any less exciting than at birth. I actually might of been a bit more excited finding out at the scan because I could focus on it- after delivery I was so overwhelmed that finding out the sex was kind of like background noise to giving birth.

I will say, I'm an l&d nurse and I love surprises! But that's because I get to announce the sex, and I'm not the one that has to wait 9 months to find out :)

[Greydore]

Just wanted to add that I have a friend who had a similar situation to atomic. She was pregnant with her second (her husband's fourth), and they had 3 girls between them. She decided to wait until birth to find out sex because her husband wanted a boy so badly, she figured waiting was better. She desperately wanted to have a boy for him. She swayed boy, did shettles, Chinese gender calendar said boy, and everyone we met in town commented on how her belly definitely looked 'boy.' When she had a girl I was sad for all of them, going 9 months thinking you're definitely carrying your DG and hearing the opposite at delivery.

[atomic sagebrush]

:agree: If I could singlehandedly rid the world of the Chinese Gender Predictor and the old wives tales, I would. I didn't even have a gender desire when I got pregnant with DS 3, I just wanted another baby after 13 years. It was all the "this is for sure a girl because of these time honored traditions" BS that messed with my head!

[foxtrotmama]

I tried to go team green with my DS2, but happened to get a conclusive glimpse at an ultrasound. I had very little preference then though.

For my next baby, I couldn't do it. I know I will be very disappointed either way if I find out it's another boy, and I would much rather that happen with a twenty weeks or so to come to terms with it and greet my son with open arms than spend forty weeks convinced this is finally my daughter and have those feelings associated with a real live person who deserves my full attention and love.

[Butterflies buttercups]

That is a good way of looking at it foxtrotmama x


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[Kelbear]

I went team green with my first DS and was glad I did as I didn't really have a strong gender preference (a girl would have been great but knew we would have 2 children so was ok with a boy for our first). I was planning on going team green this pregnancy but saw an unmistakable boy nub at our 12 week scan (didn't realise it would be so clear) so now don't get that choice anymore. In some ways maybe that is a good thing as I am having to deal with my GD now and feelings of loss over never having my little girl as we are only having 2 children. I am hoping I will have completely accepted and embraced our second little man by the time he is born and won't have to deal with those feelings and sadness then.

[GirlieCat]

^^^That's an excellent point, Coral...the longer you go on not knowing, the stronger the "shock" may be.

Has anyone else noticed that when you wait for things sometimes they take on an almost epic importance in your mind? Like a doctor's appointment you have to wait weeks for vs. only a couple days, you dwell on it and get all nervous? That's what I think happens with people who don't find out - it's almost like it consumes them and they get all obsessed over symptoms and cravings and heartbeat and things the tech said during the ultrasound, etc. But they don't want to find out because "well, it will ruin my pregnancy" and I'm like "It IS ruining your pregnancy anyway!!" ;)

So, if you're not going to find out in the hopes of having a happy pregnancy, you may end up just as uptight over not knowing as you are over knowing. :) For whatever that is worth, if anything

Excellent explanation Atomic! I couldn't agree more.